#i've had mentally ill gang for less than a day but if anything happens to them i will destroy everyone and then myself

[villruu]

favorite line of the wip for today.

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hi, I'm trying to keep this as short as I can since I know tumblr has a character limit and all, but I'm in a really dire situation (or at least it feels that way) and although I have a plan and have practiced self-care my stress is at an all time high. Lately my mother, who at first was with me on healing and recovering from the abuse both she suffered from her childhood and she then inflicted on me, has changed drastically after getting a boyfriend. (Pt. 1)

(Pt. 2) She expresses the same ideas that silenced my own expression or venting to her, such as that I am only a child, she raised me, and that I don't know reality because I'm only 17 and I'm mentally ill. She's gone all the time and for about a month she brought over her boyfriend everyday knowing that I was uncomfortable with it and I had asked for some accommodations. My abusive father has only been gone for about 4 months. I blew up at her and we had an argument, and the next day after that

(Pt. 3) after my therapy she took my phone, my only way of communicating with friends, and told me that I haven't apologized for anything I've done and that I should leave if I don't like her boyfriend being over or her rules (even though when we first spoke about this issue she told me she understood). I asked how I would go anywhere without anyone to call and she said she doesn't care what's going to happen to me and that she'd tase me. So I went to get the phone anyways and we had a fight.

(Pt. 4) After the fight happened the police came. I had many mental breakdowns and cried a lot. She called my super abusive father and my aunt and they all ganged up on me and told me I should have let my mother kick me out and I don't know the reality of hurting an adult in real life. Also that I have never been abused or mistreated despite having PTSD and symptoms of possible DID. I always considered my mother to be less abusive and caring but now I don't trust anyone. I don't know what to do.

(Pt. 5, last part, I'm really sorry) I feel like she's going to kick me out at 18 and I'm really scared. I've gotten somewhat better over the months but I don't know if I can finish school in time or have a job to save up in time as I turn 18 in only a few months. I've made progress with high school but I get constant headaches and dissociation everyday since the fight. My plan was to work and save up, buy a phone and stay at a hotel until I find housing, but where? I'd appreciate any advice.

Nonnie, I'm really sorry this happened :( your mother was extremely out of line there, and I really hope you know she's not right about you not knowing anything about life because of your age. That's just something abusers say to gaslight their victims into questioning whether they've been abused and whether they deserve boundaries, and it's a load of bull crap. There's no age restriction to being an abuse survivor, and no one is too young to know what pain and trauma feel like. More importantly, there's no magical age when you suddenly become deserving of being taken seriously. You have been abused. You have been mistreated. They don't get to decide that you haven't.

The fact that she called your abusive father and your aunt to help her abuse, gaslight and guilt-trip you is just. I have no words. It's absolutely disgusting. And I'm really sorry she hasn't been respecting your boundaries about her boyfriend either. I hope you know you deserve to set those boundaries, and she's the one being unreasonable here, not you. And for what it's worth, I think you 100% did the right thing getting your phone back.

This is the most thorough post on what to do if you're going to get kicked out I've come across through the years, and it has a lot of advice that I think can be useful. I don't really have anything to add to it, but if anyone else does, please feel free to share any advice that might be helpful!

Sending all my support your way, nonnie. You deserve so much better than this, and I really hope you can stay safe. Please feel free to update me if you want to. ❤️