#i've dealt with a lot of family members who had cancer

[15lehna]

It's Been A While

Sam had cancer. That's why he was gone for so long I encourage everyone to watch the video he explained really well a type of cancer I had never heard of and how to prevent it. I truly hope he gets better.

[lewmagoo]

I've seen you mention is a couple times, and I got curious.What's your story about college? I know you said you still have yet to finish/it's a long story. Would ya feel like sharing that story if it's not too personal? I'm a nosey bitch, I'm so sorry. Just ignore this if u want to

i don't mind sharing the story. i guess i'll start at the beginning. it's a lot, so buckle up. i put it under a read more bc it turned into a whole novel.

in 2019 i moved to florida so i could go to college there. but the circumstances leading up to me going were pretty traumatic. literally days before i packed up my whole life and moved across the country, we found out my mom's brother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. that ofc added to my stress level, bc i was torn, as i wanted to stay home to be there for my family during such a shitty thing. but i left anyway and started college.

not even a month into my first semester, my mom called to tell me my grandpa had died. so i had to fly back home for the funeral. that was very traumatic, because it was the first loss i truly experienced. i'd lost family members before, but not ones this close. anyway, i came home for the funeral, then went back to florida. during this time, my uncle was getting progressively worse. by the time i came home for christmas break, he was in hospice care. he looked awful, i'll never forget it. he'd always been such a strong, solid guy, he was a marine, and you know the whole marine schtick, they're all tough and shit. but he was reduced to a skeleton, essentially.

i got ready to head back to florida a few weeks later, and when i said goodbye to him, i knew it would be the last time i'd ever see him again. barely a month later, and he passed away. so, i had to come back home again for the funeral. afterwards, i returned to florida, only to start hearing whispers about a virus going around. a couple weeks later we were being sent home because the world was shut down. nobody knew what was going on so it was terrifying, of course. but i made it home and finished my semester online. fast forward to may 2020. my great uncle passes away from complications due to covid. we couldn't go to the funeral because of regulations. it sucked to not be able to be with the rest of my family during this time.

a few months later, i was heading back to florida to continue college, after travel restrictions had been lifted, etc. literally while i was at the airport, i received a phone call that my cousin had passed away. i wasn't close to him at all, in fact i hardly ever spoke a word to him, because we didn't grow up together. but it still hit close to home after everything my family had gone through the last several months. but, life had to go on, so i went back to school and did my thing. however, only a couple weeks into the semester, a hurricane slammed us. that was scary, of course, because i'd never experienced anything like that. but, we made it through.

then, fast forward to the next semester. up until this point, my courses had been relatively easy for me. i had a good gpa, only struggled in one or two classes, etc. but this semester was brutal. the most difficult semester i'd ever gone through. my mental health was in the gutter after everything i'd dealt with in the last year. i was extremely depressed, my physical health wasn't great, and my grades were slipping. i had one class in particular that was hell for me. the professor was awful. and i couldn't drop his class because he was the only one who taught it, and it was required for my major. so i forced myself to get through it. but i hated every minute of it. i had the class three days a week and each day i would have horrible anxiety attacks before class and work myself up so badly. yeah, it was misery.

during that time, i started considering that taking a break from college was a good course of action for me. but i wasn't sure. i was like "maybe i'm just a pussy. maybe i should just suck it up and force myself to come back next year." but the thought of coming back the next year made me want to kill myself, and i am not exaggerating when i say that. so, ultimately, i finished that semester, and stepped away from college. and it was the best decision i've ever made, not only because my mental health has greatly improved since then, but also because some shit went down in my family.

last october, which was during the time when i already would've been in the midst of my next college semester, my dad was injured in a fall that resulted in the complete rupture of both quad tendons in each leg. this means he was entirely unable to walk. he had to undergo emergency surgery, and he was laid up for 9 months straight, unable to go to work or do anything at all really. this is where i say my decision not to go back to school was divine intervention, bc if i had gone anyway, i would've had to come back home, because my mom needed help with my dad. i became his caregiver while she was busy working and trying to keep the family afloat financially. those were some dark times, for sure.

so, that's my extremely long winded story about why i have yet to finish college, lmao. i'm transferring to an online program next year to finish my last two years. i know i could never go back to my old college, my mind associates it with trauma and negative things now, and i think if i were to go back to living at that campus i'd spiral mentally. i'm glad i left when i did

[flatstarcarcosa]

Hi there! I don't want to be rude or anything but as someone who had a very real family member pass on due to cancer I just wanted to say that using something that is such a horrible thing to experience in real life as background lore for a self insert is in bad taste. Please consider that in the future before being so casual about it again as it can be very hurtful to those who have truly dealt with it. <3

..........

anon, i am placing my hand on your shoulder but please know i am also giving you a firm warning squeeze while doing so because hooooooooooooooooooooooly goddamn shit.

my actual mom actually did have ovarian cancer, and thanks to misogyny and ableism in medicine, did in fact almost fucking die before anyone caught it.

when the doctors found it they weren't even fucking looking for it, they were in the general area for a completely different reason and just happened to stumble upon an assload of fucking cancer cells.

so my early childhood memories involve a bunch of No Good Really Bad Things happening that i did not fully understand at the time since i was like, six, when it all started.

there is also an actual assload of cancers in my family history, and it's highly likely i am genetically predisposed to issues with my entire renal system and that my current bladder/kidney issues could one day get fucking worse, but i'll probably never know for sure because that kind of genetic testing is fucking expensive as hell and not usually covered under insurance.

and like. while i do not think my problems are because holy shit i have cancer, based on how long i've had them, it's still not fucking great when you're exhibiting a lot of the same symptoms people in your family did before they found out they had cancer.

it's also not fucking great to have a lot of the same symptoms people in your family had before they found out they had some sort of really horrible, no good, incurable problems with their kidneys and shit, too.

like.

jesus christ. jesus fucking goddamn christ do we really have to go back to like Internet and Social Media 101: You Do Not Know Everything About The Person Posting Just Based On What They Post or something????

like. this is so fucking presumptuous and goddamn fucking rude of you to come into the ask box of someone that's disabled/chronically ill and tell them how something they wrote about for what's like, obviously A Coping Mechanism related to their fucking health and illnesses, is Offensive Actuawwy, but only offensive based on the sheer amount of projection you're fucking dumping onto them.

holy goddamn shit.

[yourscififanfl]

Author Spotlight Presents: Nicole Guidry and her debut novel, “Not Quite Broken”

On March 8, 2018, Nicole Guidry got a surprise.  Her debut novel, “Not Quite Broken”, was released a day early by Amazon.  The story of a Layla, young woman starting over in a new town with a new career after a family tragedy has already won the hearts of readers and received consistent Five Star Reviews.  A few days ago, I had the opportunity to ask her some intimate questions about her debut novel and her writing process.  

Q: What was your inspiration for “Not Quite Broken”?

A:  When I decided to write a book, I knew I wanted to write what I know. My life has evolved because of this one event in my life and that's my mom's death. I knew that if I wrote a book, I wanted to write someone who had been through something similar, but not exactly the same. When I began to plan it, I thought “What if I wrote a story about a woman who lost her entire family?” and kind of went from there. I knew I wanted to talk about grief and showcase how different it is for everyone, and that's why I had Colt experience loss as well. They both dealt with it differently, and I think that's beautiful. I wanted to show that love, more than anything, is healing and possible after you feel like you can't go on anymore. Because I experienced that and I felt that.

Q:  Have you always wanted to be a writer, or is it something you realized you wanted to do later in life?

I've had a love for books ever since I can remember that stems from my mother's love for books. I remember the first time I saw Pride & Prejudice (the one with Keira Knightley), I wanted to devour every romance novel and movie I could get my hands on. That's still my absolute favorite movie and I watch it every year on my mom's birthday and the anniversary of her death. It was her favorite movie, too. 

Q:  Do you share any of the characteristics of your protagonist, Layla?

It's kind of scary how similar Layla and I are. As I was writing her, I fleshed her character out and realized we shared a lot of characteristics. Our humor is probably the most similar, and our work ethic. Also, her avoidance technique when she's trying to figure things out? That has me all over it.

Q:  “Not Quite Broken” has some memorable supporting characters. Besides Layla and Colt, who did you like writing best?

I really enjoyed writing Megan. She's named after a very close friend of mine and her tenacious spirit and sense of knowing made me so happy to write anytime I was writing her. She's someone who struggles with things, but always puts other people first. That's my friend to a T, and I loved writing her. 

Q;   Although “Not Quite Broken” is a romance novel, there's a great theme of “family by choice” throughout the book, do you have a community of people in your life like that?”

I do. When I experienced a loss like Layla's but not as tragic (my mom passed away from brain cancer when I was 19), the remaining members of my immediate family grieved in different ways and we lost touch. I found my, as you put it, family by choice through my fiancé.

Q:  While you were writing, were there moments that surprised you during the process? 

So many moments. I wasn’t expecting it to be as challenging as it was to start or to change my prologue as many times as I did. And describing things? I never knew that could be so difficult. When I was writing the description for Colt's bar, my fiancé and I were pulling our hair out because I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to word it. It was extremely difficult for me to put the pictures in my head on paper. Layla and I also share out lack of artistic creativity.

Q:  What was the most challenging part of writing “Not Quite Broken”? 

Is it weird if I say finding a place to write? I don't have a desk or anything, and often times I'd be lying in bed and trying to write while I have two dogs demanding my attention. As for the actual writing part, I'd have to say the parts when I had to write about grief. It's a tricky emotion to write and make sure the emotions are portrayed like I want them to be.

Q:  Are you a planner or a panster when it comes to your writing process? 

I am a panster, one hundred percent. I have an actual notebook with all my crazy ideas written down, as well as a white board filled with ideas. None of it was planned, and some of my best ideas for the story came while I was writing. My favorite unplanned scene was definitely the moment Colt and Layla shared in the kitchen with the water spray. I think life is unplanned, and if I plan things too much, I was afraid it'd take away from the story. That being said, I want to plan my next book much better than this one. It was a nightmare. I deleted the entire second half of the book when I was originally finished. There's still a word document with 80,000 words just sitting in my saved files, glaring at me. 

Q:  Did you listen to music during the writing process?

I did at the beginning, mostly during the planning stage and the first few chapters, but I'm someone who can't listen to music without singing along. I can't tell you how many times I wrote lyrics instead of what I meant to write. 

Q:  If you were to pick out a theme song for “Not Quite Broken”, what would it be?

If I had to pick a theme song, I'd probably say ”Grateful” by Rita Ora. It's a beautiful song with a beautiful meaning that helped me, and I think would help Layla and give people more of an insight to her feelings for Colt.

Q:  “Not Quite Broken” leaves some unresolved issues and hints at a possible sequel. Are you planning to explore more about Layla and the lives of her friends?

Unresolved issues? Where? ;) Yes. I wouldn't necessarily call it a “sequel”, but there will be another story in Layla's world, but not necessarily revolving around Layla and Colt. I hinted quite a bit at Joan and Aaron's past, and that's the next story I'm planning to tell.

Q:  Who are some of your favorite authors?

If you look at my Twitter page (@OlicityBex), it's glaringly obvious Mariana Zapata owns a piece of my soul. Her slow burn romances are absolute perfection and I could only hope to be half as good of a write as she is. Penny Reid is another author I love. 

Q:  Are you planning to do an audio version of your book?

It's not something I've looked into, but maybe? If the demand asks for it, I wouldn't be against it. Right now, I'm just trying to get the eBook and Paperback out there. But an audiobook would be amazing. 

Q:  How do you feel about the reception your book has received so far?

I don't know if words could encompass how I feel about how my book has done. It's exceeded my wildest dreams. While it's not a bestseller or anything, it's my debut novel and I couldn't have asked for the excitement I've gotten from people reading it. Family, friends, strangers... So much support has been thrown my way in the most surprising of places and I could never express my gratitude with words. I'm chasing my dream, and every time someone sends me a picture of them receiving my book or they tell me what Colt and Layla's story meant to them, I find myself close to tears. It'll never get old. 

“Not Quite Broken” is available now on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Not-Quite-Broken-Nicole-Guidry/dp/198627876X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1521374895&sr=8-2&keywords=not+quite+broken