#i've been with the same therapist for almost 2 years now. i'm less insecure. i'm less anxious. i'm not suicidal. life is good

[crowmatic]

I'M ALIVE

I'm gonna be real, I forgot I had this blog...? I literally just happened to stumble upon it a couple hours ago while browsing some tags LMFAO

(If any of my followers are still active, everything below the cut is just me rambling about a lot of personal stuff so ignore this post if ya want :) )

Apparently I've had this blog since September 2015, which is absolutely fucking crazy bonkers to think about. Like bro the fuck you mean I was 13 when I made this?? I wasn't even in high school yet and now I'm going into my third year of university this fall??

It's honestly pretty interesting to see how things have changed for me through the lens of my Tumblr blogs. I don't really have any of the same interests now as I did when I was active on this account (besides art), which I mean I suppose is to be expected when you go from 13 to (almost) 22, but still? Like bro I was posting about MHA, VLD, Homestuck, Yuri On Ice (RIP), Steven Universe, and even goddamn Gravity Falls towards the beginning. Wild

But on a more serious note, it's also very clear to me how absolutely fucking not-okay I was back then. I've found occasional vent posts about hating myself and wanting to die and it's honestly kind of heartbreaking to look back on. Like, I'm not perfect nowadays (there is a lot of room for improvement tbh), but I haven't wanted to die in a long time. I love being alive! It's great! Even when I'm feeling lonely, angry, and sad, I want nothing more than to fix the issues I have so I can live.

And oooohh my god, I made this blog during the time when I discovered I was trans. That's another cool thing. I thought I started identifying as not-cis in mid-2016, but I just discovered a post from December 2015 where I put in the tags that I use they/them pronouns!! So now I know that my gender journey started at least 6 months earlier than I thought!

I don't know dude, it's just really cool to me to find some more of my old stuff, ya know? I'm the sort of person who likes to save absolutely everything, so whenever I find my own ""lost media"" I get super excited, haha. I like seeing how I've grown and changed over the years. It's a nice reminder to myself that I'm not the same, quite frankly, asshole teenager I was back then, even when it sometimes feels like I've made zero progress on myself.

So, yeah. I probably made finding an old blog way deeper than it needs to be, but whateverrrr bro I am alive and I can do whatever I want forever. I'm not gonna use this blog anymore after this post, except to log in every once in a while. My current blog is trail-of-ice. I dunno if anyone's reading this except me, but if anyone is, I guess I just want to say, it does get better. :)