#i've been too busy to properly draw this month but i wanted to give you a little something since your art and posts brighten my dashboard

[zivazivc]

Happy birthday @spooky-pop! Here's a delightful picture of Ivy happily posing with her newly hatched baby brother who she adores very much <3

[auroracalisto]

i was made for lovin' you

fem!plus size!reader, 2.4k words summary: the reader loves benedict bridgerton. when he dances the night away with her dear sister, she wonders if her love is perhaps... unrequited. a/n: my initial note for this fic was: i was the chubby unpopular insecure girl in school. i'm still the chubby girl. and i need fluff today. so that's what's gonna happen. i initially started writing this... last year. it's been over six months ago since i've touched this. the title is totally from the kiss song. tw: bodily description, vague description of anxiety, momentary insecurity, but it's brief!!

Curves adorned your body in a way that remained otherwise unknown to so many others. Thick thighs hid beneath layers of clothing. Your stomach pressed against the fabric of your top, threatening to squeeze the very essence of life out of you. But you stood there, discomfort climbing its way up your spine, threatening to call you out for being a fraud. You lived in peril, awaiting the blossoming of the flower of insecurity and fear.

No gentleman would ever look your way, even with the most expensive of clothing. Liquid gold could be dripping from your fingertips, and not one of the men in the 'ton would give you the time of day.

At least, that is what you told yourself. That is what you had believed since the time you could register the fact that you were the thicker girl.

And it's not that you hated your body. No, that was far from the truth. You had come to love yourself in your own way, trying your best to live with what the world had given you. But you knew men, and you knew the gentlemen of the 'ton. You were treated differently, just because of your size.

You were different.

But he never treated you as if there was something wrong with you. No, Benedict Bridgerton was your dearest friend, but you couldn't help but feel as if he never truly cared for you in the way that you cared for him.

The way that you loved him.

You had yet to properly talk to him, knowing his elder brother hosted the ball of the evening. It wouldn't surprise you if Benedict was busy entertaining other gentlemen—entertaining your sister, perhaps.

The clothing you wore that night was flattering, for the most part. You couldn't deny that. Your mother had chosen well for the ball, keeping your mind at bay. She had impeccable taste, regardless of the crude comments that so often left her rouge lips. But despite the clothing, despite the restricting fabric, you couldn't help but watch and feel less than others around you.

Especially when you knew the man you favored was out there, fawning over your sister (not even liquid gold would work in her favor—she merely needed to raise a finger, and men would fall to her feet, begging for a chance to be hers).

The beautiful women who danced passed you, hand in hand with a suitor or with a dear gentleman. Their dance cards were nearly filled at this point. The stunning men wore beautifully tailored suits, sending smiles and small nods to those they spoke with. Well-rounded pencils would need to be sharpened before too long.

You stuck out like a sore thumb in the corner of the ballroom, drawing imaginary attention right to your very soul.

Your dance card rested in the palm of your hand, not a single gentleman's name residing on it. Like many balls before, suitors avoided you—or perhaps, you avoided them. Staying in your safety corner seemed to be the best bet, but you knew it would catch up to you (eventually).

There wasn’t a possibility for a suitor to come to you, unless he wanted whispers to be spread. You were an outcast.

You made yourself an outcast. But perhaps our worst enemy came from our very own minds, taunting us and keeping those we love far, far away.

Had you been your elegant sister, dancing the night away with the handsome Bridgerton boy amongst many other men, maybe you would have felt more comfortable.

Her card was completely filled, and now, she milled around with her friends, looking for a gentleman to speak with. The season wouldn't last forever.

And you knew it.

The season would be over in a heartbeat, and you would be left without a single name on your dance card.

How incredibly frustrating. You knew you were beautiful. You knew you had a grand personality, fit for that of a gentleman. You were smart and intelligent and you knew how to do so many things.

But standing here, you felt as if your clothing was choking you to the point of no return. It didn't matter that you could read a book in a day, or recite your favorite poetry. It didn't matter that you learned to cook from your favorite maid, or that you could write a piece of prose so beautifully it brought tears to your delicate sister's eyes.

Warmth flooded throughout your body. You hesitantly pulled up the fabric of your skirts and made your way to the crowd, finding the cool night in an instant. The chill of the breeze cooled you down the best it could, but it could only do so much for the roaring fire in your mind.

Your mother would surely have yet another snide comment about the fact that she did all this work just for you to avoid the crowd. Your father would listen silently, but you knew he agreed. He always did.

Your sister would yet again set on a suitor, her beauty and gracefulness the only blessing upon your family. She would be set for life while you die a lowly spinster.

Maybe she would bless you with a quaint cottage of your own. She'd be able to marry the richest man in the 'ton, if she was so pleased to say yes.

You walked closer to the fountain that sat in the middle of the courtyard, eyes closing as you came to a stop. The chatter and music from the manor wafted in the air, and the smell of freshly trimmed grass plagued your nose. Goosebumps appeared on your skin as the air around you only seemed to get cooler. Perhaps outside wasn't your best decision, but anything was better than the scrutiny of roaming eyes.

Solitude found you best, creativity striking you when you were all alone—most of the time. Today, it only brought you a fraction of the comfort you sought.

Despite your indiscretion, you weren't alone for very long.

"Lady L/n?" a voice came from behind you.

Your eyes shot open and you looked over your shoulder.

Benedict Bridgerton.

He had danced with your sister nearly three dances ago—you hadn't seen him since then.

He sent you a soft smile, relaxing when he saw you.

"May I ask what you're doing out here all alone?"

"I could ask you the same thing," you said. "Sir Bridgerton."

His smile only grew.

The two of you had known each other far longer than you would ever admit, and every time you saw him reminded you of why you fell for him to begin with. But he belonged with someone else—he would be good for them, and marrying into a family of money would secure the safety of the woman's future and her family's future.

You would take what you could get, even if it meant waiting until your father made you a match… if even he could manage such a feat. He quite hated the idea of society. It was your mother who pushed him into the world, making him do good by the ‘ton and his family name.

Benedict deserved someone good—someone who would boost his status in society, and always be there to love and care for him.

Many weren't so lucky with their marriages (your mother and father, for example).

"That's no way to talk to a gentleman, now is it? Whatever would your dear mother say if she were to find out how you speak to me?" he asked, feigning offense as he placed a hand over his chest.

"Trust me," you said, turning to face him with a soft smile. "I promise she will find little problem with it when she knows you are on Katherine's card."

"Hm," he tilted his head as he watched you. "And who have you danced with, Lady Y/n? I have yet to see you out on the dance floor tonight, and now I find you all alone. It feels as if autumn is already upon us. Surely you don't want to catch a cold as well?"

"I have danced with no one," you said, looking back at the fountain. "And you surely shouldn't be here with me, alone. Quite a scandal you'd create for your sister to cover up."

"Is that not why she is the Duchess? So I can create whatever scandal I dream of?"

You could practically hear the smug smile on his face, but you didn't turn to face him. Your arms hesitantly wrapped around your torso as you continued to stare at the flowing water.

"Y/n?" he softly spoke, coming to stand beside you. "Are you alright?"

His hand touched your cold arm and you immediately pulled away.

"Should you not be back inside with Katherine?" you asked. "It will be quite a scandal if you were to be out here with me."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What is with you and scandals? Nothing of the sort will happen. I'd much rather spend the rest of the evening with you."

You frowned. "If you must, perhaps we should return inside. You should sign my dance card to keep my mother from asking questions."

"I would do so, gladly, Y/n, but I did not think you wanted me to do so," he said, eyebrows furrowed as he spoke.

"Why wouldn't I want you to?" you began, averting your gaze. "You know me better than I know myself."

He tilted his head curiously. "I do believe there are things I've yet to acquire," he said, gently taking your hand as he spoke. This time, you didn't pull away. "Whatever is the matter?"

"You are a dear friend, Benedict," you said. "I would never want to do something to put our friendship in jeopardy."

"Perhaps you will if you continue alluding me so. I asked you a question, my Lady."

A beat passes, the music coming from inside becoming light and jovial for the newest dance. Your sister was already dancing with another, enjoying herself and smiling all the while. Not that you could see.

"Y/n, please," he said, voice barely above a whisper—defeated, one could safely say.

"I care for you," you said. "If—if my sister is what you want, if she will make you happy, then by all means, you have my blessing."

He blinked slowly at you, lips parting to speak, but you speak first.

"I understand why you care for her so. She is beautiful, and she will be an excellent wife. She is so unlike me. She... she will make you so unbelievably happy, Benedict."

"Wait."

His fingers laced with your gloved hand as he gently pressed his other to the side of your face, making you look at him.

"Where is this coming from?" he asked, allowing his hand to drop. "Who said... who said I was interested in her?"

"No one. Nothing needed to be said for me to assume. Did I assume correctly, Lord Bridgerton?"

He chuckled softly, tilting his head as he watched you. "Not at all, my dear," he said. "You are so far from the truth that it is quite... comical."

"Comical?" you blurted, looking up at him in disbelief.

"Your sister was... helping me. I had planned to ask you in such a grand manner that I needed some assistance. Perhaps her planning skills would be far superior to mine when it comes to an event such as... well..."

"An event? What—what have you been planning, Benedict?"

His eyes softened. Were you blind? Or had he been so secretive with his feelings for you that you remained oblivious to the fact that he loved you more than life itself?

"Benedict, please," you said. "We do not have all night. They will notice we have left the party, soon enough."

"I wanted to know what would be best to ask you," he said.

"Ask me what?"

"To marry me, Y/n."

Time stood still. Big eyes stared up at him in disbelief, lips parted as you swam in an ocean of words, but nothing broke the surface. Was he serious?

"Benedict—"

"—will you marry me, Y/n?"

"I—"

"—I had planned on asking you soon, with flowers and a ring, and perhaps a grand occasion so the gentlemen knew you were taken, but—"

"—Benedict..."

He looked down at you, eyebrows furrowed. You were going to say no. He could see it in your eyes.

"You want to marry me?" you asked, hand holding onto his. "You... do you... I care for you, deeply, Benedict."

"And I, you, Y/n."

You searched his eyes for a sign—for an answer, perhaps. You had dreamed of this night for so long, and here it was, front and center. He cared for you. He wanted to marry you.

"I will," you said.

He released a breath, suddenly pulling you into his arms. You said you would. Yes. The answer was yes. Benedict would marry his best friend.

Benedict fought the urge to kiss you, despite knowing you would allow him.

“Let us return,” he softly said. “Perhaps you should inform your mother of your latest rendezvous.”

Your eyes widened a bit.

“Of course, I will be with you. Wouldn’t she enjoy seeing that?”

Your lips spread into a soft smile. “Yes. She would.”

Benedict took your hand and led you back to the porch. No one else stood outside.

“I will return first,” he softly said. “I will find your sister, and then, I will come and find you.”

“Oh, you do not want a scandal, dear Benedict?” you asked, a grin forming.

His eyes hardened as he looked back at you. “Would you like a scandal, Lady Y/n?” His voice betrayed the look he gave you, and instantly, his hard look dissolved into a smile. “Allow me to return. We will have enough gossip to go around once the news has broke in the ‘ton.” He took your hand again and pressed a kiss to your gloved knuckles. “Until we meet again.”

“I will see you inside,” you said, smiling all the while.

Benedict left you, and you waited merely a few minutes before you returned. You remained blissfully ignored, and for once, you appreciated the fact. You found your mother in an instant, and only when Benedict found you again did you tell her the news.

[pokemonunderdogtournament]

From running these, does it seem like older Pokemon tend to be more popular versus newer ones, or is it any pokemons game? I feel like I tend to see older 'mons winning in matchups against newer ones the majority of the time, but that might be some sort of confirmation bias on my end.

Whew ok! Sorry this took me so long to reply to. This kinda caught me right at the start of the busy period, and I didn't want to give it a half-assed answer, especially because I wasn't really super sure if I was seeing any notable trends. (Most of the time I dedicate to maintaining this event is spent setting things up instead of reviewing data!)

Here are some rough and probably not precisely accurate numbers:

For my health I don't have the time to write out proper descriptions, so hopefully my discussion will be helpful enough, especially because it can be fairly easy to draw some inaccurate conclusions from this specifically because it uses a lot of hard numbers vs ratios.

You can find that down here ⬇ (readmored for scrollability)

First table:

Gen 2 and Gen 7 (!) are performing the strongest overall. Gen 9 and Gen 5 (!!) are performing the most poorly. I figure Gen 9 isn't faring too well for a multitude of reasons -- most notably, I think, people haven't really had time to grow attached to these guys yet. To speculate on Gen 5, I have a few theories. Gen 5 introduced a lot of new Pokemon, interest gets spread out (though I am surprised that age-group nostalgia isn't helping it more along here...). If I recall correctly, a lot of the designs were also quite heavily critiqued, though I've never paid much attention to that sort of commentary.

I'm honestly surprised that Gen 1 is that close to even, but then I don't think it helps that a lot of the less popular designs keep popping up to be repeatedly swept... The data set isn't large enough to avoid being easily influenced by various sub-tournaments haha.

Second table:

This one looks at each generation and how it compares to matches where it was paired with older generations. Earlier generation results are less helpful because, for instance, Gen 2 only has to contend with Gen 1, but Gen 8 has to contend with Gens 1-7... I wasn't sure how to break this up more properly, and I've already spent so much time on this 😅 I could probably figure it out with time but I don't want to keep this ask on hold for like 3 more months. I think it's interesting to see how notably well Gen 7 performs here, like it has a notable number of wins though it's dealing with 6 entire generations.

Anyway, more red in the ratios (basically, more instances where Pokemon of a given generation lost to older gens more than they won) supports the hypothesis.

Third table:

Basically the opposite of the above. More green means more generations that fared better against the generations after it. Gen 5 is the only one who doesn't have this, but it's even. It's won as many Gen 6-9 polls as it's lost

Gen 8 being the strongest here is a little funny, but it just means that Gen 8 has been performing super well when specifically placed in contrast to Gen 9. The fact that there are so few polls in this category probably is why the ratio can get so high at all though.

Generation Gap Average:

This one's a bit hard for me to explain but it basically is concerned with how much the earliest generations perform against the latest generations, but close-generation matches take a lot of weight out of the end result. Basically though a smaller number means that the Generations aren't AS stratified. There's enough love for newer Gens vs older ones. This number hovered much closer to 1 for most of the data gathering.

Idk if this is helpful, but here's the formula:

=AVERAGE(ARRAYFORMULA(IF(B2:B-A2:A<>0, B2:B-A2:A,)))

The A col lists the winners and the losers are in B, so it's literally just averaging the difference between the winner and the loser. The best conclusion we can draw from this is that there is a preference toward older generations. If there was a preference toward newer ones, the number would be negative.

Old/New:

Literally just the number of older generation wins divided by newer generation wins, which you can see right next to that, so yeah older Gens, relative to the other Gen in the poll, have quite a bit of a lead.

Other notes:

In more recent polls, voting is actually skewing more toward later generations, but at the start, which notably voted on starters, voting was HEAVILY skewed toward older generations vs newer ones. It was unfortunately because I noticed this that I ended up having to collect data from all the (relevant) polls because those trends pretty strongly impacted the results...

Anyway! I don't feel confident to make any conclusions outright, but now at least we have an idea of what the numbers look like right now! Lots can be gleaned from this.

[red-bat-arse]

Injection Tips for Needle Nervous

From someone who had to deal with a fear of needles while learning how to do testosterone shots. To be clear, I'm 28 years old and have been doing weekly IM injections in my thighs for 18 months.

PREP -Listen to the information given for the possible injection sites; you may prefer or find it easier to deal with IM vs SubQ based on the options your doctor gives you. If you're able, schedule at least 6-8 injection days of clinic visits so a nurse can teach you how to inject properly, and you can take your time absorbing. If you're still nervous, try purchasing a 'shot blocker' since they can help with not feeling the needle. If it's the possible pain that bothers you, I used to pinch hard at the area with my nails to sort of say 'that's what you're expecting, see, it's not that bad!' This technique has also helped me with getting my blood drawn, which to go on T you'll have to deal with as well.

ROUTINE -Once I left the supervision of the clinic nurses and started injecting at home, I made sure to establish a routine. You'll need to find your own, and here's mine for reference; with a little wiggle room (like doing it in the morning if I know I'll be busy in the evening) I stick to the same rhythm every week. Set up my station, use the toilet (you don't want to be antsy handling a needle), press play on a song and wash hands, then my draw system [sanitize stopper, draw, switch needle size, get rid of air bubbles, adjust to relax, sanitize thigh, breathe, inject, pressure with a tissue until the song ends], then I clean up and put the needles immediately in my sharps box. It really helps to know exactly what you're getting into so unexpected changes (like injecting while a little drunk, I don't recommend this but it might happen) are easier to handle.

DISCIPLINE -I put on a 5 minute song and do my whole routine in that time, it works for me. Too short and you'll feel rushed, too long and you might procrastinate, so get into the habit. I give myself a four hour window and as soon as I feel like I could do it, I go for it.

CHILL -As mentioned, I put on a song, for me stoner metal or blues works the best since it soothes and zones me in. I do my shot in the evening so if I freak out a bit I can just go to bed. I put on my comfiest layers and have a treat after, too.

EXPERIMENT -While there are aspects of it all you must do a certain way, you won't always know the best way to do things for yourself of available options even once you've been taught, so let yourself feel it out. I was shown the quick jab method at first to get over my hesitation, but now I find I feel it less if I insert the needle slowly. I switched from 25G to 22G needles when the smaller size proved more difficult to inject due to the consistency of testosterone, and I also found a shorter needle length got rid of some residual anxiety over the actual insertion part. I used to do everything in the morning and now I solely do it in the evening. You can change some parts of the process to make yourself feel better! 

FRIEND -I've got an assistant who sits on my other leg while I go through my routine, his name is Snippers;

And I've found I'm less jittery with him there and my heart races less in the preamble to actually piercing skin. I keep him with me afterwards especially if I had a harder time than usual, which can happen even after doing this a long time.

And lastly;

BELAY THAT -Give yourself an out. Besides a situation like if I run out before my prescription can get refilled, I told myself I could skip one (1) injection per year, if I was having a super bad time and just couldn't. So far I haven't had to use it -at the most I've just waited until the next evening. My doctor has said that's fine and I don't have to inform her if I skip once, but that might not be the same for everyone. Either way I think giving yourself breathing room is essential to take the pressure off -self-injecting might be affirming, but it isn't always fun or easy!

I also think it should go without saying that these tips are things that have helped based on my own personal experience from the past year and a half. It's fine if they don't work for you or you don't think they're helpful at all -the trans* experience is wide and varied. I'm also not giving anyone medical advice -always learn how to properly administer your medication from a professional. Here is an article about general HRT self injection that may be some help.

But, if you do have difficulty with needles, hopefully this gave you some tips and tricks that could make the process feel more manageable.

[sundaycane]

I want to talk about my grandpa's lovestory.

My grandpa was an illustrator back in the 60s until the 90s. He was really hard-worker and loved painting, sculpting, and drawing for comics (back then, there was a newspaper that released a comic illustration every week, and my grandpa was in charge as an illustrator).

He met my grandma in 60s and fell in love at first sight. My grandma was really pure-heart but at the same time she was too good to other people so there's a lot people mistreat my grandma.

My grandparents are married in the 60s and have my mother in the 70s. My grandpa said he was lucky to have my grandma because not only beautiful, but also she has a pure heart. My grandma also said that she was lucky to meet my grandpa, and back then, my grandpa was a cool and handsome man. 70s, 80s, 90s, marriage life wasn't easy because my grandparent had bankruptcy on their business, and my grandma's family side stole my grandpa's assets. So nothing's left, only my grandma and their kids (currently 7 kids: 5 daughters and 2 sons). My grandpa was depressed but still believed it's part of marriage life, and he came back stronger. But suddenly, in 96, my grandma had tumor chronically on her body, and not long after, she passed away.

My grandpa before my grandma's body burried, and he told their kids not to cry. He said we would meet again in heaven. So my mum and other siblings hold tears. Then, when it's time to burried her body. My grandpa was coming late because he got on traffic. He cried really loud and full of tears. "I've havent seen again my wife's face for final time. How dare you burried her when i haven't arrived." Then he started losing appetite for months, can't even think clearly, zoning-out a lot and feel dead inside. His kids saw my grandpa's act, so my mum and my aunt's let him re-marry another woman.

You know what my grandpa said?

"I dont even think i can marry again with other women. I only love her, and she's the only one. No one can replace her position. I believe we can meet again in heaven. So i'm gonna wait until it's my turn"

My mum was really shocked by my grandpa's statement. She never thought that her dad would say such that thing. She's crying and hugging my grandpa.

After months of sorrowing, my grandpa really tried hard to come back after losing my grandma. He started to illustrate again, sculpting and getting new hobbies. My grandpa's new hobby was biking. He is biking to the mountains, lakes, and other cities. He really enjoys biking and also he starts journalling. He wrote about what places he went to when biking with his friend and community. He always wrote in his journal, "When it's my time, i know you will come to take me to heaven together. I really wait this moment"

27 years later... in 2023, 25th june, my grandpa passed away. Before he died, he said that grandma was here and would take him to the new home. He really talks and acts absurdly, taking his phone and acting like he is giving access to look his phone to his wife and said, "This is our kids and grandchildren." We were afraid, but know that time was his turn. So we pray him, and then he is gone.

I cried a lot because i felt sorry. i haven't been a good granddaughter and can't fulfill his final wish. But i still remember a good memory with my grandpa. There are no men like my grandpa. My grandpa was my first man i have met, and he might be the last. He was a good man, loyal to his wife even in up and down's life, always grateful in his life. He was a hard-working man and a family man. Even he was so introverted and couldn't express his love properly. But i knew his love language was an act of service and word of affirmation.

Last sunday, i watched the queen of tears. And i found that the story is about marriage life. The drama was okay, and i like kim soohyun and kim jiwon on their acting. How they delivered realisticly, even though the plot was not my cup of tea. The interesting thing is the drama is much like my grandpa's love story. So i think that my grandpa is baek hyunwoo in real life. I believe that there is a man like baek hyunwoo, maybe not that perfect like the character in the drama, but the point is marriage life is really unpredictable. We must lower our ego and learn how to communicate properly with each other.

Oh, and my favorite part from QoT was in the finale episode when Hae-in came to take Hyunwoo to heaven in the field. But before that, there is a scene where an old Hyunwoo went to the cemetery, but the cloud was grey and lightened up after he was met again with Hae-in. It's really makes me burst in tears a lot. The song was so matched with the drama that gave me a goosebump. It's exactly with my grandpa's life before he died.

The end.

[one-boring-person]

Hi ! I have a request for a one-shot with this picture ^ paired with August Rosenbluth !

( I always wondered what would be his reaction if a psychic / medium joined the circus , would he be curious ? Indifferent ? )

Hope this ask isn't too weird lol

I really love this ask! Thank you so much!

The Reversed Fool.

August Rosenbluth (Water For Elephants) x reader

Warnings: none

Masterlist

"May I inquire as to when you joined my circus, and who allowed you to?" A stern voice at the door of my carriage snaps me from my reverie, my hands stilling in their job shuffling the tarot deck.

Looking up, I feel myself go pale as I recognise August, the owner of the circus, standing in the dim light from outside, silhouetted by the lamplight. Blinking, I swallow and stand, placing the deck down as I collect myself.

"I joined some months ago, sir. Your wife allowed me to join." I instantly regret bringing her up, remembering the hellish weeks following her departure from the train with the vet. 

Indeed, the reminder clearly sets him on edge, his jaw clenching as he steps inside.

"And how is it I've not been made aware of your presence?" He continues, looking around at my collection of trinkets and tools. 

"I-i wouldn't know, sir. I've made no secret of my being here." I twist my fingers, swallowing again.

A scowl works its way onto his face as he looks at me, glancing at the deck on the table.

"And? Is your...business drawing in any income?" August lifts an eyebrow, folding his arms.

"Yes, it is. I give all of it to the man who runs the books." I nod, picking up the deck again to put away. As I do so, a card falls from the middle, landing face-down on the floor, my breath catching in my throat; that's a clear message if ever I've seen one.

He just watches as I bend to pick it up, clearly unimpressed with me, still staring as I turn the card over, a frown coming onto my face. Placing the card at the bottom of the deck, I can't help the odd look I send his way as I put them away, taking note of his beautifully highlighted features in this flickering light. Muscle ripples a little along his forearms, showing experience in the ring, made more obvious by the sharp contrasts in light values. 

"As long as you continue to bring money in, I will allow you to stay." The ringleader finally says, meeting my gaze as he goes to leave, sliding the door shut behind him.

I sigh as he leaves, still mulling over the card in my head, confused as to its meaning and message for him. 

It was the fool, reversed...an indicator that he's resisting a new beginning. 

Which new beginning is he resisting? He's done everything in his power to start again, changing a lot of the circus acts up since Marlene and Jacob's departure, changing his own stage personality, repainting and changing up the train, too. Maybe it's something more personal than he's letting on. 

Maybe I don't want to know.

*

A week passes before August's next visit. This time, he takes the time to sit and talk with me, the experience odd to say the least as he simply speaks with me, discussing randomly selected topics of his choice. When he leaves, I'm left wondering what on earth just happened, confused as all hell by the ringleader and his antics. 

His visits become more frequent after that, the man coming and sitting with me many times a week, drinking tea with me and talking about anything we want to. I find it has become a pleasant experience, my opinion of him improving drastically, especially as I hear him laugh properly for the first time, and when I see him smile as if he really means it, my heart warming. I can't help but feel attraction to him, the tarot decks and rune stones soon telling me the one thing I wanted to hide from: I've fallen for him. 

Trying to ignore it, I do my best to stay casual with him, finding it harder than expected with every flirtatious look he begins sending my way, his eyes often taking over my form as we meet, evidently appreciating what he sees. It gets me hot, unused to being on the receiving end of looks like this.

Unfortunately, he must've noticed this, as observant as ever. It took him mere days to ask me to dinner in his own train car after he first told me he liked being around me. Now, sitting in his living space, wearing the best clothes I own, sipping chilled wine from fragile glasses, I'm starting to wonder if the feelings I've got for him are reciprocated. 

Naturally, I'm nervous, admiring his relaxed demeanor as he sits, drinking and watching me, mouth pulled into a friendly laugh.

"Are you enjoying the food, (Y/n)?" He asks me after a while, head tilting to the side curiously.

"Yes, it's wonderful." I nod, smiling politely.

"I'm glad you think so." He replies, clearly pleased, "I'm also glad you joined me tonight. I was afraid you'd say no."

Looking at him, I can see he's being genuine, a vulnerability shining through the facade of confidence he's built up, my heart jumping at the knowledge of this.

"And miss out on your company? I don't think so." I laugh, sipping some wine, not kissing how his eyes flash with happiness at the compliment. 

"Still, I am glad."

We sit in silence for a moment, before he speaks again.

"Have you read your own cards recently?" He asks me curiously, tilting his head.

Surprised, I shake my head.

"No, that I haven't. Why?" 

He chuckles nervously.

"I only wondered if you'd foreseen the question I'm about to ask you in any way." 

"What question?" I frown, confused.

He takes a breath, standing from the table and coming over to me.

"(Y/n), you enthrall me. I've never met someone so clever and wise as you, nor someone as beautiful. You have not been reproachful to me, not that I know of in any case, and you've helped me through some difficult times, even indirectly." He takes my hand, "I wondered if you'd give me a chance, romantically?"

As he says this, the pieces finally click in my head: I know now which new beginning he was resisting, and I also know it wasn't just him resisting.

[justrandomselfships]

Little steps- my self insert Fic (S/I POV) with a bunch of silly illustrations! Oh did I mention that this involves Kaeya? Well he's the main focus here even though Lisa is mentioned shit ton of times! Might write something for her focus too someday.

I finished it ages ago but I was afraid to post it- I'm not anymore and also✨ it's my birthday ✨

~~

Ever since I joined the knights I decided to write in a diary, it helped me keep track of time. Lisa told me that it can help me in various ways, like for example remembering names of the other knights, or checking my personal progress. Now that I think about it, it was long since I checked my old entries. Nothing interesting happened today anyway so I might as well read some. I don't really remember anything that was going on when I started so I suppose I could refresh my memory.

Today Lisa wanted to introduce me to someone- she probably wanted to help me by looking for training partner for me, however I had to refuse. You probably remember why was that, I got scared of meeting someone new again. I couldn't get that mess on her shoulders when she has so much to do as it is! And there was no way I'd meet them alone it'd be too akward for both of us!

I remember the exact moment I tried to come up with an excuse for future me... It kinda made me giggle how stupid I am sometimes, but let's look at something else...

I've never felt as lonely as I do now, I don’t even know why. I don’t miss anyone nor I ever craved any interactions... But to make that feeling go away I thought about talking to Amber but when I left the house she was talking to Noelle and I got scared to approach them... Instead I decided to sketch something and stay inside for the rest of the day.

I immediately looked at my sketchbook, I don't even have to look inside, I was drawing what's outside my window like always. Maybe I'll find some better memory if I keep looking?

During my patrol I got a bit lost... It was scary... But I wasn't alone, an Adventurer found me... However he got lost too. It was a bit unlucky day since I picked the wrong maps, we also got attacked a few times by monsters. I kinda feel bad for him since he tried his best to cheer me up but I stayed silent. It should've been other way around a knight shouldn't le

Bennett! How could I forget his name when I was writing this? He was such a sweetheart I obviously had to mess it up and make him feel uncomfortable... But I did make up for it! Maybe I'll finally read something positive? I somehow can't remember how exactly that went... Or if I was daydreaming about apologizing?

I decided to bake something for Bennett as thank you and apology for acting so cold towards him. But I had no idea on how to find him... Or what to say... So after thinking for few minutes I decided to talk to Katherine and ask her to give it to him. After "talking" to her I locked myself in my room out of embarrassment, I messed up again. I just said "Bennett" placed my pastries and left. Now I probably won't be able to face her for at LEAST two months.

I cringe at the memory... Gosh now this will keep me up at night for sure... I finally forgot about it and now it'll haunt me.

Wait a second... Did I really not made any progress at all!? I was trying so hard to socialize with others and get out more but I seem to still not be able to do it right. No, it's impossible. I'm good friends with Lisa! So I definitely made any progress... Or is she just so easy to talk to? Time to take a final look at something recent for a change...

Capitan Kaeya Alberich wanted to talk to me outside work... It might not sound like a big deal but somehow I just froze... I wasn't able to respond properly and he probably guessed what I was going to say, not that he ever can't do that... I might be too predictable. Either way I feel bad, my behavior was really disrespectful and I knew better than that to just ignore someone like him. I still have much to learn and I'll need to properly apologize for staying silent.

I only ever failed... There is no mistaking it. Great way to note down progress huh? Too bad there is none.

Think, what do I need to do to finally do better? I am the problem for sure but what do I really need to change? Maybe I should just start observing how others act... After all I never bothered to do that. It might help in one way or another...

Obviously there's only one place where there is a lot of people and I won't look like a total creep if I'll just listen in the conversations and look at random people... It's no other than the tavern. I'm scared to go there alone... But I don't have to!

Lisa would be willing to go right?... Then again I rely on her a bit too much and going out like this could be an opportunity to break the ice with someone else...

Jean is always busy, Amber will be way too distracting and we might end up somewhere else, Eula is too scary, Venti... I don't even know why I'm considering him.

Maybe that offer from capitan Kaeya still stands? It's from bearly 2 weeks ago so maybe if I get lucky and he happens to still be interested, I can actually go...

What am I even thinking!? I didn't even apologize for the last time... But being around so many drunk people is terrifying... However I can't bet on the fact that he won't drink too much... On the other hand he seems to handle people and I'll definitely learn something.

Screw it. It might be scary but I need to do it. Tomorrow I'll ask him! That's for sure! He's the most respectable and trustworthy person who isn't always busy and will not distract me.

~⏳

I'm scared to do it but I have to! I need to... Did I really say that I'm gonna do it today? Or should I just pretend that I never thought of it. He's probably busy today. Yup definitely that no need to feel stressed.

I haven't seen him back at the headquarters nor did I see him around town when I was coming back from my patrol- that's a good sign. It's still pretty early but I don't think that I'll see him today... What a relief!

Before I left the headquarters after finishing some paperwork I hear a voice that belongs to a beautiful librarian I am lucky to be able to call a friend.

"Hey there cutie, are you okay?"

"Just a little bit nervous that's all, nothing new haha"

"Do you need me to pass a message again?"

"No need! It's something I need to say myself..."

"I see..."

"But if you happen to see capitan Kaeya it would be nice if you could tell him that I was looking for him" out of habit I grab my hair and begin to play with it. Lisa's warm soothing voice blessed my ears as she said "No worries darling, I'll let him know" before she left and giggled to herself...

Wait... Oh no.

Why did I say anything!? Is she that magical that I can't say anything but what's on my mind.

If she happens to meet him my request will be unavoidable! Even if I tried thinking of something else Kaeya will know that I'm lying. I can't avoid him either... Can't waste his precious time...

How do I even ask him!? Do I need to change from my work clothes before I go? What should I do...

I didn't realize that I started walking in circles before someone approached me.

"Heather?"

I turn around and see the man I was thinking about all day. Dammit... I have to say it. I can't think of an excuse and staying silent is now unacceptable.

"Oh-uhm... Greetings Capitan Kaeya"

"Lisa informed me that you were looking for me"

"Oh right!... That... Haha..."

"I don't want to rush you, however I do have some business to attend to"

"I'm so sorry! I mean- since you're busy then my silly request is irrelevant"

"Come now, I believe that I should be the judge of that" his smug look made it ever so slightly more challenging to say anything.

"I just... Ugh..." I took a deep breath "Look as you know I was trying to loosen up recently and well I realized that I wasn't making any progress at all. So I remembered that one time you asked me to go to the tavern with you and I refused... I mean ignored you, which I am VERY sorry about but now I think that it was a mistake and today I wanted to ask you to accompany me but since you're busy let's just forget about everything" I felt relieved getting that off my chest.

"I don't think that will do, in fact I was heading towards the tavern so if you really want to I suppose you can join me" Oh right... I forgot about him gathering some information there from time to time. So it might work after all! He won't pay too much attention to me and I could investigate without tons of distractions.

"Let's get going then capitan" I say before he smiles softly in response "Wait do you want to get going now or-"

"Yes" he cut me off, which was fair and I'm glad he did it before I said something dumb.

We're almost there. Before we get closer I suddenly stop.

"That reminds me!" I realized I spoke out loud, as he looked at my direction my confidence dropped dead "I've never actually tried any alcohol so would you be so kind to recommend something for me? I figured that since I'm already getting out of my comfort zone might as well try something new" I said under my breath but he definitely understood what I meant judging by his facial expression and well... response.

"Absolutely" my heart skipped a beat. I desperately tried to start a conversation topic... But choosing alcohol might be something I'll regret...

Kaeya started listing few drinks I could enjoy his words were poetic as he described the beverages, however the names of the drinks went over my head. It wasn't that bad but I just felt stupid over how clueless I was. He definitely knew what he was talking about and I'm more than interested in hearing more. The more he talks the less likely I am to say something I'll regret.

"Obviously since I don't know how much you can handle I won't be forcing you to try too much too soon" he paused "Your father probably wouldn't be happy either if you returned drunk" he said teasingly. It invited me to respond less seriously.

"Oh no! This means that we'll have to do it again, how awful"

"We didn't enter yet so you can feel free to leave now before you regret spending time with me of all people" his voice was now suddenly much more hostile... Did I mess it up!?

He laughed softly "I'm sorry did I go too far? While I don't want to force you to do anything, I won't lie... I'm a bit curious to learn something new about you tonight"

We were still outside standing right in front of the entrance to the tavern if not for chatting we could hear from the inside there would be total silence.

"I'm sorry for being quiet again! It's just that you caught me off guard haha" I look away "There isn't much to know about me so I feel like I'll only disappoint you"

"I'm not so sure about that part"

"Wait... Did my father tell you anything about me!?"

"Look let's just get inside, We'll discuss it later"

Nervously I followed him yet again. The atmosphere was warm and I could see different kinds of people all over the place. We sit down.

"So did he tell you anything?" I ask immediately.

"Relax, he didn't" he seemed amused by my desperation to know. It's understandable... And I'm probably overreacting anyway. I collect my thoughts "I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm just making this into some big deal for no reason. Maybe the reason is the huge amount of respect I have for you that makes me freak out"

"I see, well I don't see the reason to be so formal now. We aren't working after all" his soft smile was enough for me to calm down.

"Thank you" Maybe it was all I needed to hear, after that everything went smoothly.

I start feeling proud of myself... Maybe I can change after all? Either way it only shows that I have to write it down! And once I was back home I did just that.

Today I had enough courage to take a step in right direction! I went to a tavern with capitan Kaeya. It was fun and for the first time in years I wasn't that scared. It wasn't totally perfect but it was definitely worth it.

[viridiave]

A month-end update.

So- January 2021 is ending and I haven't seen the Doomsday Clock update just yet, that's pretty worrying.

That's not what I'm here to report on though, uh... To confess, I actually haven't been that busy in all the months I've been gone. So this goes out to everyone who knew me on Instagram and some new bonds on Discord who might find me here- I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you. I wasn't happy with how things were going anymore, and decided that I wanted a change of pace. Still, it's a pretty shitty move on my end to just straight-up desert you all and disappear for months without a trace. November was worrying, and December had me post exactly one Glitchtale-related thing and heck I didn't even drown anyone in flowers that time. I just wasn't happy living with social media the way I had been for a few years now- I became too dependent on the short-lived validation it gave me, and that in turn left me with too toxic of a mind to continue communicating with my usual friends. So I mean it when I say that it isn't you- it's me. It's all me. I didn't want to feel envious of anyone, and to be frank I got sick every damn time the thought crosses my mind that 'why couldn't I be just as popular as them?' when all I want is to be happy for my friends' accomplishments. I want to be happy with you- for you. I just want to be happy- because what kind of friend would I be if I got angry of seeing the disparity between mine and my friends' talents every time I talk to them? I've sickened myself with my inner toxic behavior for too long.

This was a few months ago, and that's still how I feel now. It's not Spring just yet. I'm so sorry that I felt that way about you all- and that I'm still working to fix that today.

Because of that I'd been hiding out in Discord and here... Sometimes. Some few friends found me over there but I only ever consistently interact with a very select few. There was one other event that made me want to stay the hell away from Instagram and hide away, but that's for another time. Unlike my debilitating envy, I don't feel sorry about this one- so likely none of you will feel the same way. And that's fine- because I want to be done being unsure of how I feel and not knowing how to deal because of it.

Anyway, I wasn't completely inactive with regards to art the entire time I was hiding away, and I'm... Kind of wanting to share what I've been up to. I know folks from Instagram normally only like my Glitchtale art, but I'm still trying to actively not give a fuck about that exposure... ratio thing, so I'll post some sketches every now and then. I've been spending a lot of time on the Sky Discord- specifically the Sky Lore Chat, and I'm quite happy and invested there- needless to say a lot of art popped up because I got that urge to draw from al that lore talk. It's fun, it's a lot of fun.

I can't promise that I'll be consistent once I inevitably get back on Instagram. I have some friends I need to apologize to. And if you're one of them seeing this right now... I'm sorry, but I'm not quite ready to go back yet.

Spring is coming. I'll see you properly then.

[blushing-starker]

the incredible @puppypeter (check out their blog, it's amazing) asked for a soft, ageing starker and my heart cracked in two cuz I live for this dynamic. Can you tell I'm living for the sake of moodboards?

He loves Tony, he really does. But if the so called genius forgets his reading glasses one more time, Peter will lovingly shout at him. Because he had covered the entire lab in neon post it notes, programmed an alarm in each A.I and explicitly reminded Tony every day before the road trip. They were going to Europe and that implied museums and fancy menus and speeches and glasses so Tony wouldn't be squinting at tiny words whenever he was curious about something. But Peter was 99.999999% sure his boyfriend would accidentally forget to pack his things just so he could show the world Tony Stark was not ageing, no sir. Which is why Karen and Friday had helped Peter buy and safe guard thirty pairs of glasses in their luggage.

By the fourth day, they were all gone. Peter is seconds away from scolding Tony because this was important, it has to do with his health, dammit, when he turns around and there's a cat. His boyfriend is cooing at the feline, scratching beneath a furry chin and grinning when the cat begins pawing at the last pair of glasses they have. Does his heart melt at the sight? Yes. Was he still angry? Absolutely. Will he ask Tony how the hell he found a cat in the jet hangar? No. They've been together for eight months, Peter's used to animals just showing up and seeking Tony out.

"No." A hurt look is aimed at him and he won't laugh, he can't surrender even if the cat copies Tony's face and gives the most pitiful meow Peter has heard in eighteen years.

"But it's all alone here, Peter. And look, it's cute like you." It is a pretty cat, fur an almost identical shade to Tony's hair and the fluffiest tail a cat could posses. That's not the point though, is it?

"It could belong to someone in the area or have kittens. We can't just take them, Tony. And a cat is a responsibility. It's not like having DUM-E or Karen. You have to feed the cat, vaccinate them, pet them, clean them and not forget them in a hotel five cities away. I won't be at the house every day to remind you to look after yourself and a cat. "

The billionaire lights up and Peter knows he'll have a headache by the end of this.

It's been amazing to travel all over Europe, he's enjoyed exploring new places with Tony. After months of rising crime, overwhelming homework and hungry rivals choking the life out of them, a vacation was desperately needed. He's not in the mood to fight, but he will if he has to. Peter knows Tony is getting older and he doesn't care. Sure, he cares about his health and making Tony go to monthly check ups and take his vitamins and having his glasses so he could be safe and drive properly and-

Peter cares about his well being. Always. But he doesn't care that Tony's getting older and it's more obvious now than a year ago. There are wrinkles around teasing eyes and sexy graying temples and creaking joints, but that does not mean Peter loves this ridiculous man in front of him any less. He finds Tony gorgeous, always has and always will. It's not just about his body, it's Tony himself that's so attractive. And yeah, he also finds a silver fox Tony really fucking hot. He's 21, he can ogle whoever he wants.

Right now, however, he's staring Tony down.

It's not that he doesn't want to take in every stray and care for them. It's that he can't be sure Tony will remember to act accordingly.

"I asked around and apparently she's already been vaccinated and sterilized by the manager. No one's taken her home yet because most people have allergic family members. She just showed up a few days ago. You have to know that's weird. This cat appears the week we get here and she's already had her shots. What are the chances she'd strut out and start purring at me? Come on, Pete. The universe wants me to take this cat home."

His eyebrow twitches. He's sure of it when Tony glances up and sets his shoulders back. Every Avenger knew to prepare for a fight when Peter's face moved that way. This man would kill him. He's fucking certain he won't live to twenty-five.

"You forgot your glasses in every city we've been to. How am I supposed to let you take a cat with us? "

"I knew you'd have back ups," the blood rushes to his head and the cat snuggles closer to Tony, ears flattening when Peter's lip curls, "and anyway, I won't forget two cats in a hotel because they meow and move. How could I forget when they're alive and not something as small as reading glasses?"

Distantly, he's pleased. Happy with the knowledge that his boyfriend knows how to read him like a book. It's why they're great together, villain or no villain around to threaten their lives. That's something he'll preen over later while calling Ned. Now he smiles, teeth bared and eyes cold.

"Did you say two cats? Because I swear I'll leave you here, Tony. I've got Karen and a car and lots of sightseeing to do. If there's another cat, I will drive away and call Pepper to pick you up. And you know how she gets when you make her travel half way around the world, Tony. I will finish this trip. If you wanna keep the cats, then keep them. Here in a hotel, practicing how to care for them while I do what I wanted to do with you. Or you can send them to the house with someone else and join me. I know you, you're gonna end up with cats in the house. But I am not babysitting two cats while worrying about you too. I love you, I do. I won't do it, Tony."

His heart would be destroyed if anything happened to those cats and Peter had no plans to cry during this trip. Something shifts in Tony's face and he sighs, defeated. A pout is forming rather quickly and Peter can't believe this is the same man that saved the universe. His boyfriend is a child. He's head over heels in love with a child and Peter knows it. Christ, he won't last two minutes angry if Tony keeps sulking like that. It hurts too much.

Hands that have used Infinity Stones are softly setting the cat down when Peter groans, rocks on his heels and mentally curses his parents in law for bringing an insanely ridiculous man into the world.

"Fine, keep the cats. But you are not losing those glasses and I better see you taking all your pills. Ok, Tony? I mean it, they are your responsibility and I don't want you leaving them in a hotel because you were too busy thinking about something else-"

Tony drops the cat, pounces at him and he's suddenly in the air, strong arms twirling him in a circle. It's the silliest thing they've done in their whole trip and they'd taken pictures with a shoe as a tripod.

Laughter bubbles up and Peter is helpless to stop the joy that washes over him at the sight of his grinning boyfriend. He really loves this man.

He wraps his own hands around Tony's face, draws him in and kisses the smile that's replaced a pout. They stay like that, Peter straddling Tony, lips intertwined and laughter slipping out every few seconds. The cat meows at them for attention and he thanks Maria and Howard Stark for such an insanely wonderful boyfriend.

(They keep the cats, finish the trip and Tony never loses a pair of glasses again. Then again, he never had.)

Sorry for the weird spacing, tumblr doesn't like me.

[spookybreadstick]

I'm sorry, Breadstick. I will be praying for your grandmother, for sure the doctors will be taking good care of her. Family fights are inevitable but everything will get better, at that moment they are the closest people physically to you so enjoy, stay close and take care of each other. Family is one that is united even in the most difficult moments.

about your important decisions, I know you made the best possible choice, sometimes there are decisions that destroy the heart but fix our lives, so always try to look on the positive side of things

I'm going to take my afternoon off to study some school subjects that need my attention too. I went through the height of humiliation last week, I cried while studying because I couldn't understand the subject that the teacher taught in class. When I finished I just put my things away and went to take a nap

I had a lot to do at the restaurant that I work at last weekend. I take the orders for delivery (I don't think I've ever taken so many orders). And when the shift ended I went to help organize the invetory

my face was bruised after the shift, I have to wear two masks together (a simpler hospital one under and a thick fabric one over it) and a face shield

my classmates made fun of me at school this morning because i have a huge red mark on my forehead and my hair is still not big enough to cover it (at least the mask covers the bruise on my nose)

I have plans for tomorrow, I'll take my little sister to see the sunset in a clearing nearby, I'll take the opportunity and draw a little bit

I think I talk too much, sorry.

I'm sending you kisses and hugs! 💖💕💓💜🧡💚💖❤️💜💛🖤❤️

good luck with your schoolwork! I'm sure you'll be able to catch up. Don't demand too much of yourself

ily 💖💕💞💝💖💞

-dancing parrot 🐦🎶

Aw, thank you so much dancing parrot!! This means a lot to me <3

1)  It is extremely kind of you to pray for my grandmother, so thank you. I will give an update under the cut on her health, so anyone who doesn’t want to hear about it can skip that. 

2) Yes, my family and I have all made up by now! It’s just hard when you’re living in the same tiny house and there’s nowhere to go. 

3) The more I think about it, the more sure I get that I did make the right choice. Whatever happens next is out of my control, but I did my best to make the best decision possible and I know that I’ve done what I can on my end. 

4) Oh God, raise your hand if you’ve ever cried in school✋✋✋✋✋

I cried once in fourth grade because I didn’t understand and once in seventh grade. I also cried once in third grade, like full on sobbed, because my mom was sick and the doctors didn’t know why (it was like a really bad flu, except it wasn’t the flu and it lasted a while, and to this day the doctors aren’t sure what the hell that was but it certainly scared little-me). I’ve also very nearly cried in class, like I had to leave the room, for math-related issues a couple of times in the past. And I’ve cried not in class, but in the school building, for anxiety reasons, many times. I try my best not to do in front of people, but sometimes people know that I’m tearing up and need to leave because I’m about to have a panic attack. Shit happens. I know it’s really embarrassing, but crying is a natural human reaction and you know, like I said, shit happens. Crying it out isn’t the worst thing in the world when you think about it. And sometimes you just gotta stop and take a nap after. Rest and refresh. 

5) I have a friend who used to work at a pizza place as the person who handled the delivery and to-go stuff, and she quit after a week, so props to you! She told me that she’s never been so stressed and also her manager really sucked and didn’t teach her how to do the job properly so she had to figure things out mostly on her own. The final straw for her was when the manager wanted her to train the new hire after she hadn’t even been here for a week yet. She was way too stressed so that just sent her over the edge and she quit. I feel for those who work in the fast-food or restaurant industries. I could never do that. When I had my pre-pandemic job at the grocery store, I got stressed out when it got busy, but grocery store busy is nothing compared to fast-food or restaurant busy. 

6) If people were honestly making fun of you, then fuck them honestly. You’re working hard and they probably don’t even know the definition of hard work. A bruised face from the masks just means you were being responsible and caring for the safety of others while you did your job. Nothing wrong with that at all. 

7) I hope you and your little sister had fun!! Sounds like a great little trip for the two of you!! 

8) Sending you kisses and hugs back!! And don’t worry, you don’t talk too much :) 

- breadstick 🥖

~~~~ Update On My Grandmother’s Health Under the Cut ~~~~

 Unfortunately, the doctors gave a diagnosis: Stage 3 Lung Cancer.

 It doesn’t come as a huge shock, she’s been a HEAVY smoker for decades, but it’s still somehow surprising too :( Like even though we all kind of knew at the back of our minds, it’s still unexpected in a way. She will be undergoing treatment, and that will give us hopefully a few more years. But it could potentially be a few months, depending on how her body reacts to it, which is a scary thought. The doctors are learning towards a positive outlook with a couple more years though, so that’s good. It’s just sad to know that like, this is what will kill her. There is no cure, and the doctors are certain that one day the cancer will kill her, whether it’s in a few months or a few years. It’s weird, because the last time I saw her she was fine. She’s been so careful about pandemic, and really never leaves the house, so we got to see her every couple of weeks since we’re both not going anywhere and being safe. And our last little visit, she was totally fine. It feels sudden and not real, but I know the reality will set in soon. I think it’s like that for my dad, too. We’ve never been super close to my grandmother, not like some people have deep bonds with their grandparents, but we’ve been close enough and she’s our family, you know? So it’s just sad. Trying to be hopeful about it, but there’s also just the facts that we need to face, too 💔

[imagine-loki]

Yes Mistress

TITLE: Yes Mistress CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 29 AUTHOR: angryolwet ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine after a heated argument with Thor, Loki turns himself into a woman out of spite.  RATING: Mature/Explicit NOTES/WARNINGS: NSFW, This is a F/F BDSM relationship. If that’s not your cup of tea, don’t drink it. The events in this fic take place before the first Thor movie.

I AM SO SORRY THIS CHAPTER TOO SO LONG TO UPDATE!!! I meant to post at my usual time but I got very sick at the end of last month and ended up with vertigo for a few weeks as well. If any of you have ever had it, you know reading a computer screen is the last thing you want to do. Not unless you’ve got a bucket handy.

*****Trigger Warnings!!! This chapter deals with descriptions of child abuse and shitty parenting, (not Odin’s for once) and those parts are contained within the asterisks below.*****

You don’t super need to read that part for the chapter to make sense if it’s a sensitive subject for you, but it will give you an insight into Sanna’s family dynamics and those will play into the overall arc of this fic. Yes, there is an arc. And a plot. Despite my best efforts.

Kanelbullar - twisted cinnamon buns

Also on AO3

Slowly, Sanna came back. She felt the softness of the blanket and the sensation of someone stroking her face before her eyes opened.

“Can you hear me Pet?” Loki asked softly.

“Yes Mistress,” Sanna answered dreamily, smiling up at her.

“My good girl. Our meal has arrived. Do you think you can sit up for me?”

Sanna eased herself up and shivered as the blanket slipped down. She pulled it back up and looked at her Mistress.

“It’s alright Pet. You can bring the blanket with you. It’s time to eat.”

Loki got off the bed and stood up, holding out a hand. Sanna took it, wobbling a little when she stood. Loki held her until she was steady, rubbing her back in small circles as they left the bedchamber.

“Thank you Mistress,” Sanna said as she wrapped the blanket more tightly around herself.

“You’ll be warm soon Pet,” Loki tucked a loose tendril of hair behind Sanna’s ear. “You used up a good deal of energy during your edging. Eating will help.”

“Um, Mistress? Before we eat I need to–” Sanna broke off, poking a hand out from the blanket and pointing across the sitting room.

“Of course, Pet.”

Sanna headed towards the bathing room to use it’s facilities while Loki sat on the divan to inspect the contents of the covered dishes on the table. She had just started cutting slices off a rolled joint of spit roasted mutton when Sanna came back out, wrapping the blanket snugly around herself again.

“That was quick,” Loki remarked when she sat down next to her.

“I was inspired, Mistress. The bathing room is rather cool, even with the shielding up.” She rubbed her hands together in an attempt to warm them.

Loki reached out and took her Pet’s hands in hers.

“You are chilled,” she began to rub Sanna’s hands between her own. “Shall I light the fire? I never notice the cold myself, though I’ve heard Thor whine about it enough. You’d think we were on campaign in Jotunheim instead of camping in the forests on a hunt.”

The image of Prince Thor covered in snow and icicles made Sanna giggle.

“I’m alright Mistress. Truly.” Sanna took back her now warm hands and started making up her Mistress’s plate, cutting slices of bread for both of them. “I believe you are right and I just need to eat something. And it has been raining on and off since midday,” she looked out at the damp night and shivered a little under the blanket. “The weather can’t seem to decide if we’re in spring or summer.” The gentle afternoon showers of Garth’s prediction had given way to a cold, soaking rain once the sun had set.

Loki made a face. “All too soon it will be summer and nothing but heat, heat, and more heat.” She loathed the thought of summer, but it did give her an idea. “One day, we should go riding to one of the shaded pools that hide deep in the royal forest. Mmm… Stripping down and diving into fresh, cool water. Tell me Pet, can you ride? Or swim?”

Sanna paused from buttering the bread she’d just cut and turned to her Mistress.

“Hmm. Do you know, I don’t think I've ever been on a horse in my life. Although I do have a vague memory of trying to ride a goat once when I was very small. I remember being frustrated because it wouldn’t hold still long enough for me to get on…” Sanna paused, fiddling with the butter knife. “No. I’m sure I haven’t. We didn’t use them on the farm and none of the neighbors were horse breeders. We did have a rather old and rather surly grey pony that Old Frederick would use to pull the cart when he went up to the manor house for supplies. He was the only person in this realm that animal tolerated, it would bite everyone else that came near.” She resumed her task.

“And I could swim as a child, Dagna saw to that. I haven’t had much chance to since I left our house to serve Lady Audney. There was a wide, slow moving river not far from our farm. I used to go and sit in the shelter of a large tree on it’s banks whenever–” Sanna broke off.

“Whenever what Pet?” Loki paused and looked over. She could see her Pet was upset by the memory.

Sanna chose her next words carefully and blew out a breath.

“Whenever I’d run out of the house. It seemed like everyday I’d be scolded by our mother for one thing or another. Mostly for not getting my chores done properly. She would never let anyone be idle,” she paused and swallowed. Composing herself.

*****

Her mind was flooded with the memories of repeating tasks over and over again until they were done to her mother’s satisfaction. One particular memory –one she’d tried very hard to forget– came suddenly to mind. A memory of scrubbing the stone floor of their house one winter for almost the entire day. It was just before Yule. Her mother had been perpetually unsatisfied with her efforts, even ‘accidentally’ spilling things on the floor for her to clean up. Sanna’s back had ached. Her knees were bruised and her knuckles had cracked and bled. Her hands were numb from the water that had gone cold and she kept dropping the big scrubbing brush, making it clatter on the stones and drawing her mother’s attention to her.

When Dagna had come in from tending the animals outside and saw what had been going on, she’d been furious. Sanna would never forget the sound of her sister slapping their mother’s face and the horrible words they screamed at each other. Sanna had never heard her sister raise her voice in anger to anyone before. She had hidden under the table, curled on her side to make herself as small as possible until the row was over. The bucket she’d been using to scrub the floor had been knocked over near her at one point, but she’d been too afraid to move. She’d stayed still as the freezing water soaked her dress and hair. Wet, cold, and filthy. Hands pressed to her ears, sobbing, trying to drown out the noise. She still hated the sound of angry shouts and raised voices to this day.

Eventually their mother had left the house to go tell their father about what her sister had done and said. While she was gone, Dagna had coaxed Sanna into coming out from under the table. She’d filled the big bathing tub by the fire with warm water and and had helped her get into it, washing her gently and rubbing her sore back. Then her sister had helped to get her into a clean night dress and wrapped her in a blanket. Dagna applied a salve to the cracks on Sanna’s hands before feeding her and putting her to bed.

The whole time Sanna had been terrified and started at every sound, thinking it was their mother returning. She knew her sister must have been punished terribly for striking their mother– it was all Sanna’s fault– but she couldn’t remember how or what had happened for nearly the rest of that winter. At the end of the following spring Sanna had left the house to work for Lady Audney.

But her Mistress didn’t need to know any of that. Or that her mother’s 'scolding’ was usually accompanied by a blow of some kind. Sanna’s pride and her fear would never let her tell her sister, let alone her Mistress. She’d promised herself all those years ago that she would stay silent and do better, no matter what. Never to complain and create more trouble. She wasn’t about to break that promise now. And besides, it was over and done with and would probably just upset her Mistress.

*****

“When it became too much, too heavy to bear, I would run out of the house. No matter what direction I ran in, I always seemed to end up by the big tree near the river. Eventually Dagna would come and find me. Once my tears were dry, she’d take me back. Sometimes we’d go swimming in the river first if it was warm enough. She wanted me to know what to do in case I got too close to the bank and fell in.”

Loki’s face was unreadable as she said solemnly, “I would so very much like to meet your sister one day. It seems she was the only source of happiness or tenderness in your childhood.”

“Oh no Mistress! Not the only source. Our father was quite kind, when he could spare time for us. The farm keeps him very busy, though I now suspect some of that work is to keep him out of the house and away from mother. In the summer he would take us fishing at the river– I mean Dagna and me, Mother hated the river– and we’d laugh and scream and splash each other once the three of us were done hauling in the nets.” Sanna smiled at the memory. “We’d walk home smiling and laughing, soaking wet with that day’s catch.”

She was eager to tell happier memories, she’d had no one to tell them to since she’d left Lady Audney. Marit was sweet, but she had no interest in any form of rural life and had quickly changed the subject whenever Sanna had mentioned her time in the country side.

“I remember one time, Father took me with him on a trip to a neighboring farm. The man kept bees and we went to collect a big crock of honey in exchange for some of our hay. I must have been very young. Probably around the same time I tried to ride the goat. Father lifted me up into his lap and kept me from falling off as he drove us over there and back. He even let me have a spoonful of honey on the way home and made me promise not to tell Mother.”

Sanna looked at her Mistress from under her lashes. “That’s where my taste for it comes from. It’s always been a sweet, secret treat.”

“Mmm… Perhaps I should keep a small jar of it here and let you lick it off me as a reward for your obedience?” Loki purred.

Her Pet blushed a bright red and squirmed on the divan while whispering, “I wouldn’t object if you offered it in any form, Mistress.”

Loki had finished cutting up the meat and divided it between their plates.

“Good to know. Open.” Loki popped a piece of the mutton into Sanna’s mouth.

“Mmm… This is almost as good as Dagna’s. She uses garlic in the dredge.”

“Alright. Now I must meet your sister.”

They both burst into laughter. Once the plates were ready, Loki pulled Sanna over to straddle her lap and tucked the blanket around her. Holding up a bite of meat to her Pet’s lips, Loki asked absently, “Perhaps I shall have Brynhild create a robe for you? Would you like one Pet? In gold and sapphire blue silk, I think? Jewel tones seem to suit you.”

Chewing and swallowing the meat gave Sanna time to think. She offered her Mistress one of the roasted vegetables pieces from her plate and said, “I will wear anything you wish me to, Mistress. I’ve never had one before.”

“I suspect there are a lot of things you’ve never had before, and I mean to give them to you.” Loki promised solemnly, making her Pet blush and duck her head.

“Now Pet, tell me.” Loki held up more food to Sanna’s mouth. “How was your day?”

They fed each other. Sanna spoke of meeting Garth and being reminded of how much she loved planting things and watching them grow. How far she had gotten through the play her Mistress had recommended and what she thought of it thus far. Her initial nerves at being summoned to tea with the Allmother and her relief and joy at finding her Mistress’s mother to be kind and attentive. Loki listen to it all with rapt attention, asking questions and laughing where it was appropriate until the meal was finished.

_________________________________________________________

“So you got on well with my mother then, Pet? Not frightened of her anymore?” Loki teased popping the last bite of her kanelbullar into her mouth and licking her sticky fingers before wiping them on a damp cloth.

Sanna, slightly indignant, finished her own and sucked at her fingers as she replied, “Well, she is the queen after all. And I wouldn’t say I was afraid of her so much as afraid of disappointing her.”

She wiped them off and stood up, gathering up the used plates and cutlery before refilling her Mistress’s goblet and her own with wine and getting comfortable again. She leaned against her Mistress and tucked her feet up under the blanket on the divan. Sanna wasn’t chilled any longer, but the material was soft and felt wonderful against her skin. Loki wrapped her arm around her Pet, pulling the girl close and put her own feet up on the table, long pale legs exposed. She used her seidr to send the uneaten food and dirty plates back to the kitchen. They sat in a comfortable silence, sipping wine.

After a moment or two, Sanna spoke. “The Allmother is so kind. I confess, I do want her to like me. Oh did I tell you, I mentioned to her that I had a wish to improve my stitching and she’s promised to have one of her handmaidens teach me. And I’m to come to tea with her again in a three days, if you can spare me that is.” Sanna looked at her Mistress with pleading eyes.

Loki sighed and toyed with a tendril of her Pet’s hair that had escaped it’s plait, wrapping it around her fingers. “Oh, I suppose I can get by without you for one afternoon.”

Sanna leaned up and kissed Loki’s cheek and settled back down against her. “Thank you, Mistress.”

The comfortable silence resumed.

After a few more minutes had passe, in which Sanna had nearly been lulled into sleep by the good food, strong wine, and the calming presence of her Mistress, she glanced up and saw her Mistress with her head tilted back and her eyes shut.

“Are you tired?” she inquired.

Loki opened her eyes and looked at her. “Hmm? No Pet, not really. But my head does ache slightly. I think I read for too long and sat too still in the Archive today. My body is no longer used hours of inactivity. As a child I could sit and read for hours without noticing the time pass. Now, what was once a joy has become a chore and I’m already starting to resent it.”

“Perhaps you’re striving to achieve too much too fast Mistress? You have years before you are expected to take on your new role. There’s no need to push yourself so hard.” Sanna chided gently.

“Oh, that’s not what I was doing Pet. After I spoke with the Allmother, a new idea came into my head and I put away all of my work to start a new project. It concerns a school of seidr I’ve woefully never bothered to learn. Tell me Pet, did Lady Audney ever speak to you of her role at court?”

“Lady Audney?” Sanna started at the sudden change of topics. “Well, no. Not really. She taught me courtesy and what would be expected of me as a handmaiden to a Lady of the court. She rarely talked of her life before. I think it reminded her of her son, the one she’d lost, and that always gave her pain. She couldn’t bear to hear his name said aloud and never used it herself. She’d just say 'my son’, and even then it was usually in reference to something he’d done as a child, never as a man grown. I can’t recall her ever speaking of Lord Morten. We got supplies once a fortnight from the manor and I know they were from him.”

“Do you know what happened to him Pet? The son that died, I mean.” Loki asked.

“I know he was killed in a terrible accident. That’s all anyone would say. But what does Lady Audney have to do with divination?”

“Quite a lot according to my mother. She wasn’t a seeress herself, but she could inspire and strengthen visions in others who were. Do you recall yesterday, when we went into my storage area downstairs and you found my old cradle? Do you remember what were you thinking of when you touched it?”

Sanna reached out and set her now empty goblet on the table and sat up, turning to face her Mistress. Loki did the same, stretching her arm across the back of the divan.

“Well I– I don’t know. I was thinking of a lot of things then. Mostly what you must have looked like as a baby–” Sanna broke off and flushed a dull pink.

“What else Pet? I know you’re holding something back. I can tell by the blush on your face,” Loki prodded her.

Sanna tugged the blanket back around her shoulders, as if trying to armor herself against her embarrassment. “I… I was thinking,” her blush got deeper and stretched from her hairline down to her chest. “I was thinking about… what it would be like… to… to have a baby. Your baby Mistress.” She ducked her head and bit her lip at her guilty admission.

Loki removed her hand from the back of the divan and lifted Sanna’s chin to look at her. She took both of her Pet’s hands in her own.

“What exactly Pet? Being pregnant or nursing or rocking it in the cradle? What image formed in your mind?” Loki pushed again. “It’s important.”

Sanna heaved a sigh. “I think it was mostly just what our baby would look like and rocking it to sleep.”

“No image of nursing it at your breast?”

“No. Why? What is so important about this?” She was embarrassed and uncomfortable at the unending questions.

“I had a vision while we were down there. When I turned and saw you touching the cradle I staggered for a moment, do you remember?” At Sanna’s nod she continued, “I didn’t say anything then, because I wasn’t sure what had happened. I’ve never had visions before, or any aptitude for divination so I’ve never studied it, but I know now that I had a vision of you.”

“Me?” Sanna squeaked. She was dumbfounded, her eyes were large as she stared at her Mistress.

“Yes Pet. You were in your little room and sitting in the chair I sent up here. I saw you from the doorway. The cradle was at your feet but it had been freshly polished. The room had been painted and was filled with the things needed to care for an infant. You were nursing a black haired babe at your breast. You looked older than you do now. I heard you humming a soft melody and saw you smile at the child. It was the same smile you had on your face while touching the cradle. That’s why I asked what you were thinking of.”

Sanna was speechless and kept staring. The blush had left her face and she had gone very pale.

“I’ve only just started to research the subject and I still have much to learn, but I believe you may have the same ability as Lady Audney. You might be the reason for the vision, not just the subject of it.”

“Me? What? No! I don’t– How? How can I–” Sanna sputtered. She was dumbfounded. Had all the reading today somehow damaged her Mistress’s mind?

Loki continued on as if her Pet hadn’t spoken.

“I used my seidr on you, the first night you slept beside me. Do you remember a dream of us sitting under a tree beside a river? My telling you to raise your skirts? You woke in the middle of the night and I found you freezing yourself in the bathing pool. I used a spell to enter your dreams.”

Sanna’s blush came rushing back at the memory of the dream and what had followed it. Of her Mistress pleasuring her in the safe place of her childhood. She wasn’t sure whether to be angry or ask her to do it again… But her Mistress was still talking.

“…and that’s why I had to know what you were thinking of. If the same images were in your mind and mine, it might have been a hold over from that spell, or some accident of my seidr and not truly a vision at all–”

“Wait! Just, just wait a moment! Please?” Sanna pulled her hands from Loki’s grasp and put them to her own head. “Does this mean I am going to have your child at some point in the future?”

“I– Honestly? I don’t know. I think what I saw was a vision of a possible future, not necessarily the future we will have. Probably. Like I said, I haven’t ever properly studied the subject. And it’s not something I can walk up to the Allmother, or any other seer, and just ask. Not even as a hypothetical question.”

Sanna slumped back against the divan, her mind whirling. Abilities she might have and hadn’t known existed. A possible baby in her future– well she wanted that… didn’t she? It was too much to take in. Her head throbbed.

“Mistress, can we please talk about something else? Anything else?” Sanna pleaded and rubbed at her temples. Loki’s hands replaced her and she sent a tiny burst of seidr through her Pet’s head, soothing it as Frigga had done for her earlier in the Archive.

“Of course Pet. Would you like me to distract you from your thoughts?” Loki had moved the book of plays her Pet had been reading off the table when the servant had brought in their meal. It was sitting next to her, half tucked under one of the cushions on the divan. She pulled it out and held it up. “Shall I read to you?”

“I thought you’d had enough of that for today?” Sanna was beginning to feel like herself again, and her instinct of caring for her Mistress was making her feel less stupefied.

“Well, there is one other thing I can think of.” Loki shot a lecherous smile at her Pet and offered a hand to her. Sanna didn’t hesitate to take it.

[punkscowardschampions]

Fraze & Bea

Fraze: Did you tell her no yet? Bea: No Bea: and hi, how are you, too Fraze: Clock's ticking, babe. You don't want me to do it for us Bea: You mean you don't want to do it either Bea: 'cos you know we should go Fraze: I don't wanna 'cause she'll kick off which will make me kick off but I will if you're not gonna, like Bea: Well yeah, and she'd be the one with a point to argue, not you Bea: it's what Christmas is all about Bea: we've got no valid excuse not to be there Fraze: I've got plenty of points, I've made 'em to you and I will to her as well if that's what it takes Fraze: Our family is right here, we don't need to drag the kids there to prove another fucking point entirely Bea: It isn't worth starting a row over, come on Fraze: You know I've started 'em for less, come on Bea: Well can you not, just this once Bea: it doesn't need to be any kind of drama Bea: it's barely longer than a standard car journey Bea: they'll be fine Fraze: Yeah 'cause that's the issue Fraze: Any kind of family thing is a drama Bea: We can't avoid them forever Bea: may as well get it over with when the distraction of Christmas is there Fraze: Fuck's sake Fraze: Alright, you've got a point Bea: I always do Bea: must be annoying Fraze: That ain't the word I'd use Bea: Spell it out so small ears don't pick it up Fraze: You know I'm shit at spelling that's just cruel, babe Bea: Exactly Bea: be fucked if I didn't know how to get you to be quiet by now Fraze: I'll be quiet as you like if it means they go to sleep for longer than an hour at a time Bea: I'm not a miracle worker Bea: contrary to popular belief Fraze: Shh, you had 'em all fooled Bea: Piss off Bea: How bad can it be, yeah Fraze: If your big plan is that you go back without me, you might wanna go back to the drawing board Fraze: Like you said, there's no chance of working actual miracles Bea: Neither that stupid nor that kind to you to be making a plan like that Bea: just saying, the worst has happened, can't give retroactive advice/contraception Bea: so everyone will just have to deal and make best Bea: us included Fraze: At least we waited 'til you'd finished school if not uni Fraze: They can still all give out plenty of unwanted advice though, that small mercy aside Fraze: Don't you wanna keep 'em at arms length a while longer? Bea: Oh yeah, let's make it a competition, that'll be fun Bea: it's just their job, not like you have ever listened so you don't have to start now Bea: I'm fine with going back, obviously Fraze: Comparisons are getting drawn like it or not, always have been Fraze: Same goes for judgements Bea: Not between family Bea: there's no need for that Fraze: Don't be naive, especially between family Fraze: Joe'll score points just for turning up, Tommo'll get a few more for making it to 18 without knocking anyone up Bea: Don't be a baby Bea: or expect me to apologize or feel bad for you that you won't be getting a pat on the back this year Fraze: I don't Fraze: But don't expect me to go along with your pretence of not giving a fuck what they think Fraze: I know you do Bea: I don't Fraze: You ain't gonna get the points awarded for keeping hold of me, those are all Ali's for that lad not doing whatever immediate runner my Ma reckoned on Bea: I literally just said I don't care Bea: do you think I have time for point scoring Fraze: And I just said I know you do Fraze: What else is there to go back for? Stay here if you don't give a shit Bea: You wanna stay here because you do Bea: so how does that make any sense Fraze: I give more of a shit about us, what doesn't make sense about that? Bea: What do you think is gonna happen Bea: seriously Fraze: Do you have time for their bullshit or don't you? Make up for your fucking mind Bea: I've got no time for avoidance Fraze: Well done you Bea: Jesus Bea: you're doing my head in now Fraze: What, you suddenly don't want my congrats? 'Cause it sounded like you were really angling for that Bea: I'm angling for you to grow a pair, actually Fraze: Doing what I'm told by you ain't what grow a pair means Bea: No but facing your mother is Fraze: Sitting down to Christmas dinner and playing nice ain't even close Bea: and staying here doing fuck all about it really proves our point Fraze: What do you want me to do, beg her forgiveness? I ain't sorry for any of it and I ain't gonna be just 'cause she is Bea: Then show up for your family and show her as much Fraze: Jesus, I'd hate you if I didn't love you so fucking much Bea: You better Fraze: Marry me, I'll prove it Bea: Shut up Fraze: Say yes and shut me up Bea: You're so stupid Fraze: I'm not that stupid Bea: I've not got the energy to debate Bea: already told you Fraze: Then don't Fraze: I'm telling you I ain't, take me at my word Bea: I'm not that stupid Bea: I don't take anyone at their word, don't take it personal Fraze: You're not stupid but you are funny Bea: Hilarious Bea: shame I can't say the same for you really Fraze: Stop holding onto it, Red, it's been years since I played class clown Bea: Yeah right Fraze: Yeah right Bea: not that long since you were still in uni Fraze: I weren't in the laughing mood then, was I? Bea: Well, who was Fraze: Every other fucker on my course basically Fraze: Nobody who matters Bea: I'm not sorry Fraze: Nor me Bea: Sure about that? Fraze: Meaning what? Bea: Meaning if you wanna go back and have the time of your life then go right ahead Fraze: If I went back I wouldn't have the time of my life just like I didn't the first time Bea: Alright Fraze: Is it? If you wanna have a dig at me for jacking it in now's the time, like Bea: That's not what this is Fraze: It can be, if you want Fraze: I'm making it easy enough for you Bea: That's easy for you Fraze: What? Bea: Easy for you to think I'm being a cunt about not finishing uni when I'm saying the opposite Bea: if that's what YOU actually want, then go ahead and do it Bea: I'm not going to be the one to decide for you either way Fraze: I was what I wanted so I did it, end of Fraze: It ain't your decision and I weren't asking you to make it Bea: So as I said, alright Fraze: Yeah Fraze: And like I said, you still get to have an opinion regardless Bea: What, like I'm bothered? Bea: it's not the be-all-end-all Bea: you still have a plan Fraze: 'Course I do Fraze: I'm not a fucking amateur, or as much of an idiot as you like to reckon Bea: I don't reckon anything of the sort, moron Bea: I'm saying I know Fraze: Obviously, you know whatever's worth knowing, always have done Bea: Too right Fraze: So if you wanna go, we'll go Bea: We're going Bea: it wasn't ever up for discussion but glad to have you on board Fraze: You do make me laugh, babe Bea: Hilarious, I remember Fraze: Good, don't forget Fraze: You're gonna need that sense of humour when we get there Bea: You're so dramatic, honestly Fraze: You're so in love with me, take a deep breath, honestly Bea: Yeah, you're 2 months too late to tell me to breathe, dickhead Fraze: Well, they were 3 months too early for me to need to Bea: You could've, I wouldn't have heard you to be pissed off Fraze: Now you tell me, cheers Bea: Some of us were a little busy at the time Fraze: Don't worry, next time I'll properly take the chance to say whatever I like Bea: Were you even there or? Bea: what next time Fraze: I'm just saying, we once said there wasn't gonna be any time Fraze: Didn't stick to that, did we? Bea: 1. It was an accident Bea: 2. Once is enough thanks Fraze: I'm not trying to argue otherwise, like Fraze: I was there Bea: You literally were, oh my God Fraze: Yeah, reckon I said that a fair few times myself there and then Fraze: Not that God showed up Bea: Don't imagine he's any good with a scalpel anyway Fraze: Not good at fuck all but voyeurism by all accounts Bea: and plagues, give him credit Fraze: Yeah, those locusts really boss, like Bea: Exactly Fraze: You gonna support me if I go study religion then? Bea: I will Bea: but your dad? no way, like Fraze: Fuck him, never gonna be his fave anyway Fraze: Gotta be born a girl for that Bea: Poor baby Fraze: Not for long, Red, stick around for the riches Bea: Where do you think I'm going? Fraze: Anywhere you want Bea: My question still stands then Fraze: I've told you loads of times before, the world is ours, babe Fraze: and now there's 2 more of us Fraze: The only question is what do you want Bea: You Bea: Us Bea: that's all I want right now Fraze: I see that and raise you no more holidays that are in a fucking caravan Fraze: Winter ain't gonna last forever and just 'cause I let you talk me into going back there for Christmas, don't think I'm agreeing to that bullshit Bea: I don't think anyone is going to even suggest we can all fit into a caravan anymore Fraze: Do you wanna make that bet though? Fraze: If my kids never see the inside of a caravan I'll go to my grave less begrudgingly Bea: You're such a snob, babe Fraze: They're having the best of everything, no less, whatever it takes Fraze: And that ain't even close, simple as Bea: Don't need to tell me like I don't know the score Fraze: I'm just saying, my Ma can make all the comparisons she wants, we're not them and it's not gonna be like that Bea: It's different for you than it is me Fraze: I know Bea: But it'll be good different for them, that we can agree on Fraze: 'Course Bea: I'll start packing then Fraze: I'll be back to give you a hand soon Bea: Not that hard Bea: get used to having a massive bag full of nappies and bottles and spare clothes on you at all times Fraze: Maybe not the suitcases but the babies we can't just shove in there and zip up, slightly more work, like Fraze: Have you already wrapped everyone's shit or should I just throw it in a gift bag? Bea: They aren't getting their own seats so you will have to hold one of 'em, yeah Bea: and you really think I didn't get it all posted there Bea: not an amateur Fraze: Alright but if you didn't get Joe an even itchier jumper than last year I'm reconsidering this whole marriage thing Bea: Thanks for the tip Bea: I'll have to reconsider my gift, obviously Fraze: Shut up Fraze: Me too now I'm sending the ring back Bea: Ha ha Fraze: You can laugh the personalised engraving has fucked my refund chances right up Bea: Well that was your first mistake Bea: can't reuse it on another girl either Bea: rookie Fraze: Write me a list when you can find the time, babe Bea: Easy Fraze: Good Bea: You know you have to be nice to your sister when we're there Fraze: Do I fuck Fraze: You be nice to yours Bea: My sister didn't have a baby a few weeks ago Fraze: So what? Fraze: You'd kill her if she fucking did Bea: So what is she doesn't need drama from you right now Fraze: She ain't getting drama from me but she ain't getting a round of applause either Bea: I'm not saying you have to go that far am I Bea: just don't start either Fraze: You're saying keep my mouth shut but I'm saying why the fuck should I? Fraze: A supposedly high IQ and a boyfriend who supposedly ain't an utter waste of space don't change the fact she's still a kid Bea: Because what do you think it will achieve? Bea: Literally nothing Bea: you'll only make it worse, if anything, so save your breath Fraze: Instead you want me to sit back and do literally nothing Bea: Whatever, be the big brother you want to be Bea: I'm not getting involved Fraze: This is why we shouldn't go Fraze: It's bullshit Bea: What do you propose, you never see her again because it makes you feel weird Bea: Get real Fraze: Yeah 'cause what you're proposing is so much better Fraze: We all just pretend everything is fucking fine when it isn't Bea: You can't do anything about it Bea: it's her life to fuck up however she pleases, she weren't going to ask for your permission at any point, like Fraze: I can't do anything about any of 'em that's the whole point Bea: Yeah Bea: that's always been the case and always will be Fraze: Exactly Fraze: Why would I wanna sit there and act like I don't know that? Bea: 'cos that's life Bea: it's the same for everybody else Fraze: I hope one of 'em somewhere is having a convo about what a fuck up I am Fraze: God, if you're listening, like, come on Bea: Really? Fraze: Don't let me down, Ma Fraze: 'Cause if they think this is as good as everything gets and everything really is fine for this family then fucking hell Bea: This is news? Bea: Mediocrity is aspirational to most people Bea: if everyone was the best it'd be meaningless and we'd have nothing to do in the meantime Fraze: Cheers, babe Fraze: I wouldn't want anyone else in my corner Bea: Don't be disingenuous when you really mean it Fraze: I don't talk like you swallowed a dictionary at me when I'm declaring my love Bea: That's what that was? Bea: You should work on that Fraze: I won't put it exactly like that in the vows Fraze: You saved me, you know, that's how I know it's something that can happen Fraze: I don't wanna just leave 'em to it but I can't do the same for 'em either Bea: I know Bea: it's a fool's errand Bea: but a noble one Fraze: I hate feeling like such a stupid cunt Bea: I know that too Bea: kinda signed up for a lifetime of it though Bea: not saying I'm so smart, before you suggest Fraze: I'll say it for you Fraze: 'Cause you are Bea: Hmm Bea: thanks Fraze: It don't even feel like a compliment anymore 'cause it's just been like that, something I've known, since the first time I met you Bea: Don't be soppy Bea: I'm meant to be the hormonal one, you'll set me off Fraze: You want me to be nice to everyone but you? Fuck that Bea: 'Course not Bea: we're a team Fraze: We better be 'cause they want us to stay til after New Year's Bea: We always have been Fraze: Yeah Fraze: I ain't forgotten Bea: Should hope not Fraze: I'm so knackered I feel braindead right now but I reckon it's actually semi functioning Fraze: Take that kids Bea: That's something Bea: need all the funds we can get now Fraze: How are you? Bea: Now he asks Bea: fine, of course Bea: he's being grizzly but nothing I can't handle Fraze: Put up with me long enough, yeah? I know you wanna say it Bea: Now you mention it, like Fraze: Do you need me to grab anything on the way back? Bea: something to eat if you're planning on it tonight Fraze: Don't tell either of 'em it's part of the plan, like Fraze: Might get a second then Bea: You reckon they've already got malicious intent Fraze: I ain't ruling it out Bea: They are yours, after-all Fraze: They better be Bea: As if Fraze: Too early to tell if they look like me Bea: Do you want me on your side or not Bea: think on Fraze: I ain't surviving Christmas if you ain't Fraze: So depends if you want me to or not Bea: That depends if you wanna keep implying things Fraze: Come on Bea: You Fraze: If I reckoned there was any truth to it we wouldn't be having this conversation Fraze: You know that as well as I do Bea: Not very supportive Bea: but fair Fraze: I love you but I've got my limits, babe and I don't reckon they stretch to doing night feeds for kids that ain't mine Bea: Always good to know Fraze: Keep it in mind, yeah Bea: Back at you Fraze: Fuck that, I need your genetics to balance out mine Fraze: Especially now the model missus of my childhood dreams ain't gonna happen Fraze: No wildcards, cheers Bea: Please, don't let me stop you Fraze: Shut up Bea: Go on Bea: I said no Bea: practically a free agent Fraze: I'd rather you said no every time than some girl I don't want saying yeah Bea: Cute Fraze: Don't take the piss Bea: Me? Never Bea: You're just so adorable, babe Fraze: Tis the season for you to have a day off it, like Bea: Don't make me repeat myself Fraze: Why not? Fraze: You've signed yourself up to a lifetime of that Bea: They're all we've got to talk about already? Fraze: Christ, I hope not Bea: Let's never be those people, yeah Bea: another rule Fraze: I don't mind that one Fraze: I'll even swear to it Bea: No need to spill blood on it Bea: but good Fraze: No takebacks either way Bea: Yeah Fraze: Good Bea: How long have you got left? Bea: need interaction with an actual adult human Fraze: One foot out the door, babe Bea: Thank God Fraze: My sentiments exactly Bea: I have missed you Fraze: Yeah? Bea: You know I have Fraze: I know it's more fun hearing it from you Bea: Well I have Bea: can't claim the babies have too but you know Bea: they're selfish little bastards Fraze: It's alright we've established they're mine, you ain't gotta milk it Bea: 😂 Fraze: I've missed you Fraze: Them too Bea: It must be weird being away from them Fraze: It's fucked but I'm on my way back via the shop Bea: You don't really mind though, do you? Fraze: Like you said, we need all the funds we can get Fraze: Gotta do what I gotta do Fraze: They need you more than they do me right now Bea: Yeah Bea: and there's only so much time I can give them too Fraze: Exactly Fraze: What about you, do you mind? Bea: I don't know Bea: it is what it is regardless, like you said Fraze: Yeah, but if there's anything you wanna do different we'll figure it out Bea: I need to finish Uni Bea: I'm going to be there for a long time yet Bea: we can do it Fraze: 'Course you do and 'course we can Bea: I can take until Summer term, doing long distance Bea: but then I'll need to go back full-time Bea: still the plan, they'll nearly be a year Fraze: It's still a good plan Bea: I think so Fraze: No need to repeat myself going on about how smart you are then Bea: Still, always fun hearing it from you Fraze: Still, I've got other compliments up my sleeve Bea: Only if you're lying Bea: I wonder if the gym creche will take them this young Fraze: You can always lie about how old they are if not Fraze: Every fucker knows twins are smaller Bea: Especially ones that can't hold on Fraze: Go easy though, yeah? Bea: I'm not pregnant now Fraze: You know what I mean Fraze: It ain't been that long Bea: Long enough Fraze: Come on Bea: Don't be a baby about it Fraze: Don't be a bitch about it Bea: Shut up and come home Fraze: Shut up and listen to me Bea: Don't treat me like an idiot Fraze: Don't treat me like an idiot either Bea: I'm not Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: I know you and you should know I ain't gonna stand there while you go fucking mental over this Bea: It isn't mental to want to look good Fraze: Nah it ain't but you do Bea: If that were true you would've said it however many messages up so Fraze: If I'd said it however many messages ago you'd have said that you wanna get out of the house or whatever Fraze: I ain't telling you not to go I'm telling you not to go mad Bea: Not planning on becoming a bodybuilder, like Fraze: That ain't what worries me, like Bea: Don't worry Bea: I promise, I'll be fine Fraze: You know the drill by now, Bea Bea: Come on Bea: I'm not my sister Fraze: Your sister ain't my problem, you are Bea: Charming Fraze: A charm offensive ain't gonna get through to you Bea: Calling me a problem ain't gonna get you anything you want Fraze: Come on Fraze: I'm saying I don't care about your sister, I care about you Bea: and I'm saying you're making a non-issue an issue right now Fraze: Alright Bea: Is it? Fraze: If you say so, babe Fraze: I ain't calling you a liar Bea: Good Bea: Don't worry about me okay Bea: We have so much more important things to focus on Fraze: Fuck that, there's nobody more important than you Bea: I think you're legally obligated to say otherwise now Fraze: I wouldn't have them if it weren't for you Fraze: I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you Fraze: It ain't nothing you don't already know Bea: Babe Fraze: I'll shut up now Bea: You know it's more than mutual, don't you Bea: You and me, always, no matter what Fraze: Yeah Bea: I mean it now Bea: no bullshit trial separation stuff again Fraze: I don't wanna be away from you when I have to be working, you ain't getting rid now that I'm on my way back Bea: I don't want rid Bea: never did Fraze: And it goes without saying how fucking beautiful you look but if you need to hear it you will Bea: I'm not desperate or asking for constant reassurance Bea: I'm not that girl Fraze: I know who you are Bea: Yeah Bea: It's just a lot Bea: I wanna feel more like me again Fraze: What else can I do? Bea: There's nothing else you need to do Bea: honest Fraze: But I still wanna Fraze: I'll look after 'em so you can go to the gym or wherever else Bea: I'd rather see you first Fraze: It don't have to be now, the offer stands Bea: Thanks Bea: seriously Fraze: You'd do it for me Fraze: We're a team, you said it Bea: I love you Fraze: Yeah, I know Fraze: I love you too Bea: Hurry up now though Fraze: We need to eat, babe Fraze: I've already pushed to the front of this queue Bea: Damn Bea: when he's a provider Fraze: When ain't I been? Used to provide you with drinks when we were kids, like Bea: It wasn't always you, thank you Fraze: You had your moments, cheers for each one Bea: How dare you Bea: it was a solid 50/50 Fraze: That ain't how I remember it Bea: Convienient Bea: you can't remember a lot of things Fraze: It really weren't at the time but it was worth it to impress you, I remember that Bea: I was not that impressed Fraze: Bullshit Bea: Not bullshit Bea: shut up Fraze: I'm getting in the car, you shut up Bea: Oh yeah, blame me if you crash Bea: that's nice Fraze: It'll be your fault Fraze: And my life insurance ain't all that either so you might wanna think on Bea: 😑 Bea: Go away then Fraze: See you soon then Bea: 💘 Fraze: You're gonna do better than that when I come through the door, yeah? Bea: Focus Bea: I'm NOT making you crash, remember Fraze: You're gonna make me do another detour if you don't say yeah Bea: Really Fraze: Alright no, I'm too tired to be fucking about but humour me, like Fraze: I wanna feel more like me too, and we both know who that cunt is Bea: I happen to like that cunt Fraze: Marry him then Bea: Ha ha Fraze: Pour me a drink, babe Bea: Watch me put it in a bottle Bea: 🍼 Fraze: I'll take what I can get, including those measures Bea: You ain't getting 8oz Bea: but nice try Fraze: That's only my first try Fraze: We'll see Bea: You will, babe Fraze: Nice try yourself Bea: Shut up or I'll start without you Fraze: Are you making that a promise or a threat? Bea: Keep me waiting and find out Fraze: [honey he's home cos honestly shh but we all know its a swag entrance cos he's really missed and loves them all] Bea: [renuinted and it feels so good] Fraze: [just kissing like they in a film casually instead of being two young harassed parents, have your moment babes] Bea: [live your best life lads 'cos the struggle is real] Fraze: [hence him coming in from the rain for that semi throwback cos yolo]

[darley1101]

Death & Decorum Part 1: She Wants Revenge

Welcome to Death and Decorum, a 6 part miniseries that I will be posting throughout the month of October. As the title suggests it is not a love story, but one of revenge. I have done some interesting research over the last day or so and will advise you that some of the deaths depicted in this story are rather interesting and based off actual deaths that occurred in Regency England. I am very well aware that this is not going to be everyone's cup of tea, which is why I will only be tagging people who requested to be tagged by liking, reblogging, or commenting on this story's coming soon post. If you would like to be added to the tag, or even taken off, let me know. Full credit for this idea goes to @choiceslife

Warning/Triggers: Vengeful killings, mention of poison, drowning, broken neck

Death and Decorum

Part One: She Wants Revenge

Dusk was starting to fall as an unmarked carriage rolled to a stop just outside a small, out of the way apothecary. “You know what to do,” the countess ordered in a cold, distant voice. The dark haired girl sitting across from her gave a curt nod, her brown eyes shamefully studying the floor. “This is for the goods,” she pressed a coin in the girl's hand. “And this,” she jingled a small, nondescript pouch, “is for you. Twelve pieces of silver. Rather fitting don't you think?” She let out a low, emotionless chuckle when the girl's cheeks blossomed with color.

“I'm no Judas,” the girl whispered, greedily snatching the purse from the countess' fingers. “The only reason I'm doing this is my family-”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night. Now, do be a dear and fetch me what I've asked.” Eyes the color of a winter sky right before a storm bore into the girl, reminding her that the countess was not one to be trifled with. “Don't dally. I still need to dress for dinner.”

“Yes, Your Grace.” The girl gathered the dark skirt of her uniform and reluctantly climbed from the carriage. The Countess watched, a cold smile stretching across her berry stained lips, as the girl entered the shoppe. It hadn't taken much to turn the girl. Word of an ailing father and the promise of silver had been all it took. Judas. Briar. Both had sold their loyalty for twelve pieces of silver and both would have innocent blood on their hands.

It rained, which was only fitting since it matched the raw, coldness building inside Rebecca Young. The sharp, skin piercing drizzle that stabbed at the world, painting it a melancholy gray, also provided the perfect cover for the tears she was incapable of producing. It was a pity, really. She wanted so desperately to feel something other than the icy hatred that was starting to course through her veins. She wanted to be the sort of daughter that dropped to her knees beside the yawning hole where her father's coffin was being lowered, screaming against the injustice of his death. To give into such urges wouldn't be ladylike, so like the good little puppet she'd become she stood quietly between the caterwauling form of her dear, dear step-mother and the sniffling mouse who clung to the arm of the countess' stoic faced son. 'The evil trifecta,' Rebecca thought bitterly. The murderous widow putting on a marvelous show of grief, the tittering twit who was too busy gathering juicy tidbits to gossip about with her betters to realize she was naught but a pawn in game she couldn't possibly win, or the mindless drone who willingly did his mother's bidding no matter how heinous the request. If it were one of those Gothic novels that were so popular, there would be a tragic heroine desperately trying to escape their nefarious clutches. Perhaps that was Rebecca's role. The grieving bastard child, too concerned with whether or not she would be tossed on the streets to properly grief. 'Never,' she curled her lips in disdain, 'I will never accept that role.'

Squaring her slender shoulders, Rebecca raised her chin a notch, her thick sooty lashes lowering over her light brown eyes while she forced herself to focus on the words coming out of the vicars mouth rather than comparing her life to the plot of tragic tale. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” The words struck a familiar chord, one buried deep beneath the gentile facade she'd carefully cultivated to please a grandmother whose love only extended as far as Rebecca's ability to procure a suitable match. For the last month she had stumbled through her own valley of death, letting the nobility slaughter any trace of the village girl that had arrived at Edgewater with a naive excitement shining in her eyes. There had been no comfort, no rod or staff to protect her, while she struggled to win the approval of a father whose life had been stolen by his inconsolable widow. Turning her head slightly, several strands of dark hair sticking to her cheek, Rebecca pierced her step-mother with a venomous look. 'From here on out I shall fear no evil,' she silently hissed, 'and you shall cower before me as I will become Edgewater's very own shadow of death. Vengeance shall have a name and that name shall be Rebecca.'

.“...and said, naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked I shall return thither; the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away...”

Rebecca pursed her lips into a tight, grayish blue tinged pucker to keep from yelling. 'Liar! Filthy, filthy liar!' The Lord had given Father life, had blessed Rebecca with his affections for three glorious weeks, but the Almighty surely hadn't taken him away. His life had been stolen, wrung from his body with a poison served up by a 'loving' wife. Rebecca would give the Countess her due; she'd chosen carefully, selecting a poison that mimicked the dreaded yellow fever. 'And now she plays the part of grieving widow', Rebecca internally sneered. 'She's allowed her desperation to turn her into a novel cliché, a desperate villianess willing to sacrifice the innocent in her quest to hold on to something that was never meant to be hers.' The greatest tragedy, was Rebecca would have cared for her like a mother had the viper but shown her an ounce of affection. Instead, the countess had let her own diabolical nature twist even the smallest kindness into a sinister ploy.

“We know not why these tragedies occur.”

The lie slid easily off the tongue of the vicar. If not for the man's love of his own voice, the burial would have already concluded, father planted in the ground. Instead, the vicar continued to spoon feed deceitful words of comfort that allowed the countess to continue her theatrical display, while Rebecca could practically feel the black crepe dress her grandmother insisted she wear starting to melt. The light weight silk wasn't meant for such dampness, nor were the jet embellished slippers she wore beneath it. Not that the countess cared. She had ignored propriety by wearing a rich velvet gown designed to show case her bosom, which heaved mightily with each over exaggerated sob, and hugged her other physical assets. It was humiliating. Bad enough she was going to get away with murdering father but had she not class? Could she not at least put on a good performance and appropriately dress the part? Rebecca's fingers twisted in the delicate lawn handkerchief her grandmother had insisted she openly carry. Appearances, even in death, must be upheld. 'Unless you're the countess, then you ignore propriety in favor of dressing like some Drury lane doxy. It's alright of course, she's a grieving widow.'

“Can you believe her, that dress is absolutely scandalous,” someone behind them whispered. “I'm surprised the Dowager allowed her out in such a dress.”

“It's bait for the next one, no doubt,” another whispered. “I heard the Earl left everything to his bastard.”

Sucking in her cheeks, Rebecca bit down on the delicate flesh. The sharp pain and the coppery taste of blood were a perfect distraction from the drawing room gossip that was starting to seep into the memorial. Turning on them, demanding that they show some respect, would shift the focus off her step mother and onto herself. Aside from the one painfully true smear about her birth, the gossip was centered on the countess and Rebecca would like to keep it that way.

“Worry about her dress all you like, my concerns lie in whether or not she's contagious. If what I've heard is true, she spent every moment in his sick room. Mark my words, we'll be burying her next.”

The truth burned on Rebecca's tongue, begging to be released. She held it in, knowing her words would fall on deaf ears. With the exception of her grandmother, the rest of the world believed that her father truly had somehow contracted and succumbed to the yellow fever. And while it was doubtful that the countess had spent more than a passing moment by her ailing husband's side, that wasn't what society believed. Poor, devoted countess. Twas a pity that poison wasn't contagious. 'It could be,' a voice whispered in her ear. 'No one would question it. They're already suspecting it. Why not give them what they want?'

Tag List (To be added or removed simply comment, reblog, or message) @tmarie82 @zackzilberg @damienazariostan @leelee10898  @clarissafics @hopefulmoonobject @brightpinkpeppercorn @mrsernestsinclaire @dancetothestoriesinyoursoul @classychoicesworld @writtenbycandy @too-poor-to-buy-keys @ehkw1989 @claramillstakenalready @never-ending-choices @bobasheebaby @choiceslife  @nekkidmolerat @blackcatkita @katurrade @indiacater @boneandfur @give-me-ernest-sinclaire @jadedpixiescribbles @llamasgrl @hellospunkiebrewster @tornbetween2loves (sorry for the ones whose tags are not working.) 

[otherworldink]

Intro to "Woodworking"

Where do you go when you live in a tiny medieval fantasy village and need some basic sex ed? The woodshop apparently. Results may vary. Includes frank, if humorous, discussions of sexuality.

Read it below the cut, or continue reading on: Wattpad or Otherworld.Ink

Bren had never liked sharing personal information. He believed in the twin virtues of privacy and minding your own damn business, and he acted accordingly. Unfortunately, he'd come up against a problem that required advice. Expert advice.

And there was only one place in his backwater village he could get it.

The carpenter's workshop was a pleasantly open building with large windows that let in the light and broad double doors that could allow the passage of a finished table or bed frame. The scent of fresh-cut pine and the subtler scents of hardwoods permeated the air. In every corner there stood half-completed projects, from the disassembled pieces of little boxes to uncut slabs with measurements drawn in charcoal. Bren could even see a small spoked wheel, half-sanded—a spare for the wheeled chair Kole's father used.

Mercifully, the only people inside were the shop's two owners. The most conspicuous of the pair was Dorin, whose height and breadth led some to suspect he had a touch of giant blood somewhere in his ancestry. He sat hunched over a pair of carved wooden fawns, adding the last fine details with a small chisel.

Hale looked slight compared to his husband, but this was just an optical illusion. A point that was reinforced as the man casually lifted a slab of wood that must have weighed as much as Bren did. It was impressive, but not why Bren was here.

"Hi, Bren!" Hale greeted, looking up from examining the marks on the wood slab. "Did your mother change her mind on the dimensions for that shelf? I was just about to make the first cut."

"No, no. It's not about that. I just... I need some advice."

"Oh? Thinking of taking up woodworking?" Hale asked, half joking.

In his nervousness, Bren replied with a poor joke of his own.

"Different kind of 'wood' to be working with."

There was a pause as Hale processed. Then he grinned like someone had handed him a new chisel.

"I knew it! It's Kole, isn't it? That nice half-elf boy?"

Bren's ears burned, and his eyes glued themselves to the floor.

"It is!" Hale dropped the wood slab in his eagerness, shaking the ground on impact. He didn't seem to notice. "Tell me everything! What do you need to know?"

The excitement was not mutual. Bren had resolved to ask for help with the same enthusiasm one used to ask the blacksmith to pull a bad tooth. Mercifully, Dorin only looked mildly interested, sparing just a glance before continuing his carving.

"Look, I'm not here to share details. I just need to know how some things work, and I figure you two..." Bren glanced back and forth between the pair then cleared his throat. "Yeah."

"Right, right." Hale nodded with exaggerated understanding. "No need to overshare. ...Unless you want to, of course."

Hale wasn't the worst gossip Bren knew—that title went to Mrs. Fields who owned the mill—but Bren still thought he took a bit too much pleasure in having his nose in everyone's business.

"I just need to know how some things work."

"Like what?" Hale tapped his chin. "Don't tell me you need to know what goes where? I should have some blank paper around here if you need me to draw diagrams. I can think of a few positions that would be good for beginners."

"No! No, I already know about that stuff." Kind of. A bit. In any case, Bren didn't think his dignity could survive diagrams. "I just need to know about... logistics. Like how you figure out who, you know... tops."

It was hard to get the words out, and he regretted it as soon as he had. It felt like such a stupid question, like it was something he should already know instinctively. People certainly had their own ideas about how these things worked, but Bren and Kole were about the same age, height, and build so it was hard to say that any of the usual "guidelines" applied.

To his surprise, Dorin answered first.

"I wouldn't worry too much about that," he said without looking up. "Just see what feels right when you get to that point. You can take turns trying or, hells, even flip a coin for it. There's more to sex than putting your dick in a hole. Focus on making each other feel good, and the rest will sort itself out."

That... actually sounded sensible. Reassuring, even. Maybe Bren had been making a big deal out of nothing.

"No, no, no! Hold on a minute, babe." Hale quickly covered Dorin's ears. "Listen to me, Bren: you are at a crossroads right now. This is where you set the tone for your entire relationship. You have a unique chance to secure the best position all for yourself. You have to be the bottom!"

Dorin snorted, but made no move to remove the hands from his head. Hale ignored him and continued.

"Topping is a fool's game! If you want to feel something around your dick, you can have your own hand any time. But when you want to get fucked, what are you supposed to do? Oh, you can try certain vegetables, and I've certainly carved a few things in the right shape, but then you've still got to do all the work yourself, and-"

Dorin cleared his throat, interrupting the deluge of far-too-personal information. A mercy, given that Bren was on the verge of bursting into awkward flames and disintegrating into the floor.

"Hush!" Hale scolded his husband. "I'm passing on my wisdom. And you can't hear right now!"

He returned his earnest attention to Bren. "What I'm saying is, no matter what anyone tells you, it is surprisingly hard to 'go fuck yourself'. If you ever get the opportunity to have someone else do it, do not pass it up!"

"He's only saying that because he's lazy in bed," Dorin said, apparently giving up on withholding personal information. Hale made an offended noise.

"You! You can't hear, remember!"

Bren wished he couldn't hear anything.

"Is there anything useful you can tell me, or should I just leave?"

"Always use oil," Dorin said, finally brushing Hale's hands away from his ears. "More than you think you need. It makes everything more pleasant."

"Except for oral!" Hale added.

"Yeah. Except that."

"Okay, that's... good to know," Bren said. "So, like, the oil you use on tools, or...?"

"NO!" The objection came from both of them simultaneously.

Dorin cleared his throat.

"Ah, no. Different oil."

Hale grimaced.

"Otherwise you're in for an awkward trip to the healer."

Bren could tell there was a story there. A story he absolutely never needed to hear.

"Then... what kind are you supposed to use?" And where could he get it? Ideally without anyone guessing what he intended to use it for.

"We'll send you off with something," Dorin said. "It's better than you getting desperate and using whatever's on hand."

"Trust us on that," Hale added.

On this matter, Bren would.

In short order, the two set him up with a small jar of oil and instructions on where to discretely buy more. He also found himself holding the two fawns.

"You can pay us back by delivering them," Dorin explained. "They're for Leda on the other side of town."

"They're actually for her daughter," Hale added. "Leda hopes that if the kid has some nice toy fawns, she'll stop trying to bring home the real ones she finds out in the fields."

The palm-sized fawns were impressively lifelike: one curled flat and low like it was hiding in the grass, the other half-sprawled, pushing itself up on delicate forelimbs with its ears pricked alertly. Bren wasn't sure they'd be enough to persuade a determined child to give up the real thing, but they might come close.

Dorin offered some parting words.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just take it slow, listen to each other, and have fun."

"And for fuck's sake, let him top!" Hale added, unable to help himself.

Bren mumbled something approaching a polite goodbye and hurriedly retreated with the fawns, the oil, the advice, and what remained of his dignity.

His initial plan had been to make the delivery and retreat home to bury his face in his pillow until the embarrassment receded, but fate was not so accommodating. Less than halfway across town, he spotted Kole at the blacksmith's shop, saying his goodbyes. Bren paused on reflex, and when Kole turned away from the workshop, he spotted him.

Kole smiled—partly bashful, entirely charming—and Bren's stomach flipped.

Kole had moved into town a few months back with his parents: an elven mother and a human father who had recently survived an unpleasant encounter with a wyvern. Years ago, Hale had made a wheeled chair for his elderly aunt, and since then, anyone within a week's travel who needed one would order from him.

The family had made the journey to have the chair properly fitted and had ended up staying. Something about wanting to live "somewhere quiet" and enjoying the "lovely pastoral scenery". Which all sounded like nice euphemisms for "boring", but Bren supposed boring might be what you wanted after getting mauled by a wyvern.

"They're cute," Kole said, nodding at the carved fawns in Bren's hands.

"They're not mine!" Bren said hastily. "I'm just delivering them."

"Right." Kole's gaze lowered. "What's that?"

Bren realized, with some alarm, that he was looking at the bottle of oil sticking out of his trouser pocket. He hadn't thought it would be a problem since there was nothing suggestive about it's appearance, but he hadn't prepared for anyone to ask about it!

"Nothing!" His voice came out slightly more panicked than intended.

Amusement flickered on Kole's face, as if he could tell Bren was hiding something but was nice enough not to call him out on it.

"Who are you delivering them to?" Kole asked, mercifully turning the conversation back to the wooden fawns.

This was why Kole was the actual best. He had the decency to let things lie. (Or, at least, to let Bren lie to save some face.)

"Leda. They're for her daughter."

"Oh yeah. The little 'fawn-napper'." Kole chuckled. "Do you need help delivering those?"

"No, they're not heavy or anything." It was only after he'd said this that he realized Kole was making an excuse to join him. "Uh... I mean, you could..."

"I could carry one? In case you need a free hand."

"Yeah. That'd be good."

Kole accepted one of the fawns and fell in step next to Bren.

The two of them had been intimate before, but always alone. Bren was too much a private person to allow anything else. But when Kole casually laid a hand on Bren's lower back, Bren really couldn't bring himself to object. It felt... nice. And it's not like anyone was paying special attention to them.

Did he mention it felt nice?

Given where Bren had just come from, it was impossible not to reflect on the recent conversation. He tried to keep his thoughts decent, out of respect for the carved fawn in his hands. It was far too innocent for anyone to be having those kinds of thoughts around it.

Still, though...

Maybe Hale had a point.