#i've become pretty reactive to it both irl when ppl make comments about me and my sis and in fiction when characters get the same treatment

[hirazuki]

Okay, but like, we do all know and comprehend that people process things like grief, trauma, anger -- hell, even happiness -- in different ways and no one way is inherently correct or incorrect... right?

(aka. I had a lot of time with not much else to do this morning, and between Yonhi’s comment in-manga about her child and the various takes I’ve seen floating around in fandom, something in me broke :D)

Under a cut and not putting this in the tags because it’s literally just super personal/personal experience babbling!

So, let’s use me as an example, since I have it on good authority that the way I process and express emotions/thoughts/etc. is completely alien to most people :D 

I have never cried from sadness. Not even as a kid. The only time I ever cry, really, is when I'm extremely angry. It is the way my body and brain allow me to vent my frustration in a way that, I suppose, is  healthier than, say, breaking people things, even if it is an infuriating trait because people always tend to misinterpret why I'm crying or don't take my anger as seriously due to it. But sadness, loss, etc.? Never. Not when my childhood pets died, even though I was completely heartbroken. Not when my grandfather died, or my grandmother, or a college friend. I am completely unaffected -- at least in conventional terms -- at funerals. It's one of the reasons I prefer not to attend, because I always get confronted about not being outwardly "sad enough" and “don’t you feel anything???” 

Likewise, traumatic moments or conflict/problems? My brain goes into Pragmatist Mode. Instead of spending time being shocked/sad/etc. -- which I consider a waste of energy at the time and something that is far better tucked away to engage in later (and in private) -- I focus on "how can I make this situation better." Like, what actions can I take, how can I plan ahead, etc. For me, being proactive and turning to problem solving is how I process grief, trauma, etc. It makes me feel better, to be doing something. 

My way of experiencing happiness is even stranger -- I do my utmost to never, ever let it show that I’m happy. Sure, I’ll laugh out loud if something’s funny, etc., but if I’m feeling contentment or joy, I don’t express it; not on my face, and not verbally either. The happier I am, the more I clamp down on my emoting. Happiness to me is something very private and, in my own experience, very short-lived; as such, I don’t like expressing/sharing that information with others, especially since I’ve learned that people will use that information against you to hurt you.

Funnily enough, my own mother has never understood any of this, even after I have explained it to her as best I can over the years. She always asks what's wrong with me, how can I be this way, and how can I possibly be her child. I'm 32; she still doesn't know me at all. First time she unironically called me a psychopath (I believe it was because I didn’t want to smile at someone/something? I don’t really remember my childhood lol), I was in my early teens?

None of this is right, and none of this is wrong. It just is. It’s just how I am. My experience is not a universal experience, just like other people’s experiences aren’t universal either. People are complicated and everyone is different. All one needs to do is to accept and respect that. Throwing out “psycho” or “sociopath” whenever someone -- real or fictional -- doesn’t fit the perceived norm serves... what, exactly??

So. 

Is it realistic for a kid to respond to his father's death the way Soo Won did, and is it possible for his mother to be thinking he's dispassionate simply because she doesn't understand him? Hell yes. Even more so for Soo Won specifically, when he's in a certain political position (yes, even as a kid) and has certain expectations and obligations weighing on him.

And honestly, the response of both Yonhi and the majority of the fandom and scanalators who insist on peppering the material with their own takes is very much in line -- disappointingly so, actually -- with my own experience of how people will treat you if they think you aren't processing/experiencing things in an approved, “normal” fashion.

EDIT: Oh, and might as well talk about this here too -- Soo Won is absolutely 100% valid in separating Yona from Il. Two different people, two different issues, no matter what relation they might share. I will never understand why people insist on making everything a giant, conglomerate, emotional mess. Also, not prioritizing Yona? That’s the mark of a good ruler; he can see the bigger picture, and isn’t giving into any selfishness that would compromise the welfare of the kingdom. Maybe not a good thing in his personal relations, but definitely the way to go leadership-wise.