#i've barely slept this week

[buglaur]

i'm so excited for the new packs features i had to build something from scratch for the first time ever. can't wait to play with row houses omfggg

[phantaloon]

i cant stop thinking about like apart from lore wise, what this means in a more mental / psychological interpretation

bc like the entirety of trench and the dema story, it's all been about learning to fight your demons, about learning how to overcome and how to stand up after falling and how to find a way to keep going

in trench it was fighting, finding purpose, finding that strength and that spark to cope in a way

sai was all about distractions, about faking it til you make it, about well if i tell myself everythings okay everything is going to be okay, only for it to end in the same themes blurryface had going on kinda, with fear and anxiety and grief for the things you've lost, of losing more, of losing yourself

and with clancy, those themes about anxiety and fear and depression are stronger than they were in trench even, clancy is about falling back into patterns you thought you left behind and struggling to get back on track, but ultimately knowing that you had a support network, that you weren't alone, that you can start fresh and push on through and that you have people who love you on the other side

and then the end of paladin strait happened

you're back in the hands of fear, of insecurity, of anxiety, but this time you're going to take those feelings and claim them back and you're not going to bend for them anymore

but then

putting things into real world words, what does the line and the theories of clancy becoming a bishop truly mean?

it can't be that you are now the one who causes insecurity and fear and anxiety, can it? bc then what would be the point

i dont really participate much in dema lore talks bc honestly im quite behind on it, but still, it doesn't really make sense, for the end of it to mean that it's now us who are in the place of the bishops, that its now us who will inflict these feelings

and really, with the theories of clancy becoming a bishop booming lately, i genuinely thought oh this is going to be a situation where clancy is in power, and he's going to change things, he's going to preach about better things, essentially doing tylers role irl

so like, for me it symbolizes getting to a point where you're replacing old people of power with bigoted and old fashioned and hurtful ways of thinking and doing and speaking, with these ideals of respect and resilience and self love and just you know, everything twenty one pilots stand for

but with the line, it feels as if whatever clancy is becoming, it's not something the object of the song is particularly proud of

its not something about winning and persevering

its about giving in, about apologizing for not being able to make it, about settling for the path of least resistance

its regretful and sorrowful and grieving

so what does that mean for clancy? what does that mean for us?

[aquareegia]

putting on sleep token to fall asleep to. sing to me beautiful music man. vessel my beautiful cryptid man with the voice of an angel, pls help me sleep. 🙏😭

[dbphantom]

How its been going if I'm being quite honest

[third-doctor]

Me, talking about myself: I love it when men are pathetic

[cosmicstarlatte]

bleh, exhausted as hell but I had fun last night, went bowling with friends to celebrate a birthday.♡

anyway I hope to post my kinktober/flufftober plans this weekend. Probably tomorrow evening or sunday. 😵‍💫

I might've (did) strayed from the original plan but I hope my lil stuff is something to look forward to ^^'

[youremyonlyhope]

Me last night at 3am: I'm gonna wake up early tomorrow. Or at least earlier. I'm gonna get this sleep schedule somewhat under control!

Me at 10am: *Wakes up. Snoozes my alarm for 2 hours*

Me at 12pm: Well. Getting out of bed at 12 is better than 2 like yesterday.

Me from 5pm to about 7pm: *takes a nap in an armchair*

Me right now at 4am: God why am I not sleepy yet?

[ssaalexblake]

Had a random brain wave, but do you think one reason people are so weird about the Timeless Child is because people get so weird about adoption, especially adoption narratives that don't fit into some very specific boxes?

You know, I honestly don’t know?

But mostly just because I honestly don’t know the intricate ways people are weird about adoption (in fiction & real life), as far as specialist subject goes, it’s not mine. I only have the broad strokes here. 

Though, from a purely story formation way, this plot does Not fit into any of the adoption trope boxes that I know of, yeah. Admittedly, it is easier to buck trends when Sci-Fi is involved, but I don’t think i’ve seen anything like this sequence of events played out anywhere else before and I watch too much sci-fi.  

I think maybe the evil stepmother archetype is something people are used to, which isn’t Exactly what Tecteun is but close enough, and that it’s a narrative people are used to seeing play out in a way where the poor kid Escapes, but this story didn’t provide that neat of a box for this child. The kid did not escape, the child was used and abused until the evil stepmother was done with them and moved onto better things, and they erased their memories and dumped them in an orphanage, never bothering to look them up again. Well, not until The End Of Days anyway (that they orchestrated). That’s not exactly a fairy tale ending... Brothers grimm maybe! 

Hm, upon further thought, I don’t think people are being (that) weird about the adoption aspect (or, no moreso than usual. I think there’s some deifying of the scared crying kid on a barn as some kind of superior and not difficult to swallow orphan narrative. loneliness can be cured easily, as can fear, it’s not too Messy. You don’t have to think about anything too difficult), but I DO think they’re being really weird about the idea of a neglectful and abusive parent, which doesn’t surprise me in the slightest, because people are Always weird about abuse stories. 

I only say not so much about the adoption thing because I Mostly consider the adoption aspect of this story as The Doctor, not the child. Admittedly this is personal interpretation, but the leaning on openly and frequently calling this group of companions The Fam. That when they get their first real conversation 13 says she doesn’t Have a family anymore, and these three people who heard this then happily welcome her into theirs (they could easily have been angry, and they weren’t, they were kind). 

Graham sees her as a peer, treats her equally and with friendship, she honestly Has to have stayed in his house in the 2 weeks we don’t see in wwfte, joining the family in their grief. He obviously has to have noticed the parental relationship she has with Ryan, the Ryan who lets 13 act as a kind of mentor and adult figure to him despite how easy it’d be for him to not let people in like that anymore. Yaz’s first action when 13 finally gets them home is to invite her to have tea with her family, and we know from the helpful baby sister slam that Yaz inviting people around is not a common event.  

A lot of the show, historically, is either the doctor being adopted into weird little families or the doctor adopting themselves a weird little family. That’s not New to the show as a theme. Literally, One kidnaps himself a family and a tv monument was born that exists 60 years later.  As soon as Chibnall mentioned Why he included the adoption angle ofc the asshole contingent came out and said why’d he include something like that in the show because of his own issues!!! missing that the show is literally just this over and over and over again. I don’t know the dude, have honestly spent years not reading his interviews bc i learnt from the past two guys that Nothing can be gained from learning how much of an asshole the showrunner is and decided to remain in clueless bliss (Am bitter that even this was stolen from me now), but did it ever occur to people that a show where a constant theme of found family Might actually be one of the reasons the show appealed to him as somebody who was adopted to start with? Like, he did not make up this theme, and just because the people unable to grasp dirt basic tropes didn’t see it doesn’t mean everybody else didn’t. That is, imo, very much a part of this. Just grasping at any straw possible to have a go at him no matter how idiotic it looks. 

Anyway, I digress, I see Most of the adoption story as 13 herself, rather than the timeless child arc, which I think is more accurately summarised as kidnapping, neglect, child endangerment, *insert unknown species name here* experimentation, forced labour upon threat of death and death of loved ones, in general physical and emotional abuse... I’m sure i’ve forgotten a few, but that’s the gist of it. 

I Know the master uses the term adoption, more than once, but like... The entire point of him in the situation is that he’s wrong even if Technically he’s correct. I mean, he has his valid points where he’s not wrong and because of some things i feel genuinely sorry for him, but he has framed this whole thing in his head as some rescue of the child, he says that tecteun adopts the child instead of abandoning them and therefore rescued them, making this a good action vs bad action situation instead of something nuanced.

 But, as we learn in survivors of the flux, this is Not how 13 views this at all! She’s in active distress that Tecteun Took! her! instead of trying to return her home. She just wanted her to have tried! The Doctor would do anything for a lost and scared child, and yes, sometimes they’ve taken children in, but with the consent of the child (who were all old enough to make their own choices) and when they wanted to leave, the doctor accepts this. 13 Clearly understands the difference between taking somebody in when they have no other options and taking somebody you want to keep for fun without bothering to see if there is a better 3rd option. 

(Admittedly, the master does make a passing comment about tecteun leaving evidence in the matrix as Maybe being an apology of some sort, so he must recognise on some level that Somewhere in this story the doctor is victimised, but there is no specification to exactly What thing on the long list of grievances that he clocked as actually bad.)

But I think, personally, after seeing 13′s distress at Tecteun not even bothering to Try to find the child’s home and just saying finders keepers, I will never see this part of the story as an adoption narrative, i didn’t before to be fair, but now i could never. It is kidnapping. It is imperialism wrapped up in a story about two people. It’s Henrietta Lacks, from a medical perspective. But I would not call -in a non fiction story- a child who was kidnapped and raised by their kidnapper an adoption story even if the kid was treated like a king, so I don’t here. It doesn’t fit my definition. I don’t know what Chibnall intended, but I know what I get from it. If you find a kid you try and send them home, or find somebody who will. Taking them home and trying to raise them is gonna get you arrested. 

I Mostly think the audience is being weird and/or stupid about the abuse angle of this story. I mean, the target audience of the show is tween/teens, but younger kids watch it and everybody knows it and it tends to pull its punches. For an example, If an 8 year old misses that the parade of different regenerations means that Tecteun kills the kid over and over, that’s probably the point. When adults look at that and fail to make the connection that you regenerate by Dying and that this kid has burned through half a dozen bodies in their adolescence and that this doesn’t just Happen by accident, then that’s not the same thing. Like, it is So blatant what happens here, the child is killed repeatedly. There is nothing else more abusive than this repeated murder and yet the blinders are on. This era even went to the trouble of specifying that regeneration is exceptionally painful. It’s not especially difficult to grasp, and Yet. 

In general, I think the show very deftly displayed a deeply abusive dynamic over the course of both TTC and Flux, and the story didn’t fit a box because the poor victim didn’t escape in a traditional way, they were dumped like trash with no remorse, and then put through whatever else the uncaring society did to them without even their own past to ground them. And then. Then. Eventually they do escape of their own power and get away, and once they’re gone they build themselves into a person who wants to do good. They make themselves a hero with the help of their adoptive families. In fact, they’d be nothing but the jerk who ran way still with the morals of those whom had abused them if not for their adoptive families. They’re never perfect, but it’s the trying that matters. What matters is their found families taught them this. 

Honestly, people are weird about adoption narratives. they’re weird about abuse narratives. They’re weird about anti-imperialism narratives. They're weird about stories that go out of the box. That they’re actively Trying to poke holes doesn’t help. That they often make themselves look like idiots who can’t comprehend a children’s show while poking holes is, frankly, at least good for cheap entertainment. 

[invinciblerodent]

i am never fucking moving to an apartment that's not on the top floor of a building again

[heybaetae]

.

[unverst]

awake, alert, picture perfect posture

[kudravi-nesit]

We're half way through the year and looking back at it, I cannot help but feel so defeated by how incredibly stressful these last 6 months were for me.

And there's still 6 months to go.

[the-astral-fairgrounds]

un swags your ash

[vinilsoup]

Yesterday and today I dreamt I was in a trouple but kept getting left out by my partners. I know I have a extreme fear of being left out by people I love but this is so specific like.

[the-cookie-of-doom]

So. First week of my last year of nursing school is officially over. Thoughts? I'm going to die.

I have a 10 hour class day. 2 12 hour clinical days. 2 12 hour work days at the hospital. That leaves me with exactly 2 days a week where I'm free, and one of those will be taken up with 6 hours of exams 1-2 times a month. In this time, I have to somehow relearn all of nursing as it applies to children/pregnancy, and keep my life together, and try very hard not to go insane. For the next 4 months.

But it's fine, I'm fine, everything is fine : )

[silasours]

ৎ⸝⸝⠀COCKWARMING ! —

#pairing : lucifer, alastor, vox, valentino, x gn reader. #cw : 18+ content, mdni. unprotected sex. edging. office sex. public sex. sub/power sub reader. no mentions of specific anatomy. vox is in an online meeting for work. touch starved lucifer. val blowing his smoke on you for fun. non proofread because it's six in the fuckin morning and I have not slept a wink. #summary : in which they keep themselves buried deep inside of you while being busied by other stuff. #note : save me, I've been writing nothing but hazbin smut lately. i should really start working on other shows.. alastor's a bit shorter than the others, can't really think of a solid idea for him and I wanted to get this out as soon as possible

ʚ LUCIFER .

lucifer whines when you force him to focus on his unfinished work once again. he has been going back and forth from attempting to thrust into you, but you always found a way to press him down in his place firmly. he had some unfinished work that he left sitting in his office for almost a week now, and it irritated you. that's when you offered to cockwarm him while he worked, get him to finally get his hands on those unfinished works.

being absolutely touch starved, lucifer agreed without hesitation unaware of how miserable and impatient this will make him. his hand remain on his working desk, occasionally scribbling some words and a signature on the paper filled with printed words. he does his best to resist the urge to finally thrust into you, worried that you'd leave him unsatisfied if he doesn't do as he's told.

but there's a limit to how much he can contain himself, especially when he has you sitting on his lap with his cock stuffing you to the brim, when you'd tease him so often by clenching around him or moving your hips ever so slightly. lucifer whines every time, the hand that's placed on your hip squeezing on your flesh desperately.

"can i please.. just finish this up later?" his voice muffled from nuzzling his face into your shoulder, eyes closed shut to focus on the warmth engulfing his throbbing member. you let out a small chuckle, baring your teeth into his neck to draw out those pretty moans of his; his cock leaks pathetically inside of you.

"no can do, luci. you're not going to get whatever you want until you finish up." you pull away and tilt your head slightly, pressing a soft kiss onto his jaw while giving a quick glance at the papers sprawled across his desk. he's only halfway done with them. "you're doing pretty well, no? you're halfway done."

lucifer groans, annoyed as he picks up the pen from the desk again while reading through the papers. this time, you decide to tease him a little more instead of staying still. you connect your lips with his exposed neck, sucking on the sensitive skin as your hips slowly grind against his. you hear his breath hitch, his knuckles turning white from how hard he's gripping you.

your name spills out from his lips breathlessly, following with a whimper that you love so much. you carry on with your actions, dark marks gradually bloom all over his skin like breathtaking flowers. lucifer shifts to lay his forehead on your shoulder, shuddering from pleasure; you tug on his soft hair, firm enough to lift his head up from your shoulder.

"stay focused, luci. remember what's waiting for you to finish your work."

ʚ ALASTOR .

"oh, what a twist!" alastor exclaims with his eyes glued to the book he's reading, chuckling like you're not clenching down on his cock out of desperation. your eyes are teary as you turn to peek at the page he's on, frustration brewing in your chest. upon noticing your reaction, alastor laughs while moving his hand to cup your face, leaning in with a grin. "don't you agree, my dear?"

you groan, parting your lips further enough to drop his thumb into your mouth, biting down on it. alastor mutters a small "fiesty" before buckling up his hips, watching your eyes widen from the sudden pleasure that shoots up your veins. his arm tightens around your waist to stop you from squirming around excessively.

"put.. the fuckin' book down, a-alastor.." your nails dig into his shoulder through the fabric of his shirt, the back of your other hand hovering over your mouth with a frown on your face. alastor smiles in response, holding the book between the both of you now that there's a gap.

"why, it has only gotten interesting! patience is key, darling."

"it has been almost a whole fucking hour, alast-" your words get cut off by yet another harsh thrust of his hips, an uncontrollable moan slipping off your tongue. a low, barely audible grunt could be heard coming from alastor because of how you're squeezing around him like your life depends on it.

slowly, he places the book down, pushing two digits into your mouth as his sharp nails graze past your gums. your tongue swirls around them, gaze fixated on his that seems to be mocking your desperation. you grind your hips, wanting to feel more of that sensitive spot in you being stimulated by his tip brushing against it. alastor grunts every time you tighten around him, the feeling making his skin jump and his eyes close shut from the pleasure he receives.

you reach for the book to toss it aside, not allowing him any chance to get it back and return to what he was previously putting you through. he laughs at the action before getting cut off by yet another groan, a frown slowly finds its way to spread across his face despite the grin that remains on his lips.

"the book shall wait after all."

ʚ VOX .

the sound of vox's workers and colleagues echoes through his workplace, the source of it coming from the laptop that sits in front of him. he's holding an urgent meeting with them to discuss some things about work, yet you're here obediently sitting on him, cockwarming him. your arms hug his neck tightly, hands grabbing tightly onto his shirt while listening to him speak to the people in call.

you bite down every moan that builds in your throat, not allowing any sound to be heard by anyone but your partner. times when vox isn't discussing important matters, he leans into your ear to whisper praises, thrusting into you, and stops so suddenly when you're close to release.

he grins as you whine at the sudden loss of friction, skin flushed while feeling him draw lazy circles on your hips with his thumbs. he starts speaking again just when you're about to voice your frustration, drawing out a grumble from you. you stay there unattended, glancing at the part where the two of you connect; you're craving release, and you're done waiting.

with a steady pace, you move your own hips while holding onto his shoulders for support. vox's head snaps toward your direction, teeth gritting as he bites back the groans that threaten to leave his lips. he tries to hold you down, but his body betrays him and allows you to carry on with your movements. his head tilts back to lean against the headrest of his chair, the words that his workers speak gradually shifting to a blur in his mind.

"fuck, w-wait," his breath grows heavy, barely managing to keep his eyes open as you fuck yourself on his cock. you're supposed to be cockwarming him, not riding him. he has allowed you to the point of no return, how is he going to carry on with the meeting now? you grab him and connect your lips with his, drinking in his groans like how he does to your moans.

ignoring the calls of his name from the meeting, he pulls you closer by the waist as you grind yourself on him. it wasn't until he started getting annoyed by the meeting that he broke away from the kiss, strings of saliva still connecting your lips while his hand reached out to shut the laptop down. the room falls to a sudden silence, the only sounds that remain are your heavy breathing.

"you're gonna fuck up my company if this carries on," vox snickers before crashing his lips with yours again, hands holding onto your hips to thrust into you without anything holding him back this time.

ʚ VALENTINO .

you still can't process the fact that you're in valentino's studio with his cock buried deep inside of you while people walked around to work on set. valentino takes puffs from the cigarette he holds between his fingers, often ordering and even yelling at people as they rush to obey his commands.

nobody pays any mind to the both of you; in fact, they see it as something normal. after all, they're working for a porn producer, what is there not to be normal? you keep your face stuffed in the fluff of his coat, hands gripping tightly onto his outfit while still trying to adjust to how good he stretches you apart. everyone has just started working, and the set is still being prepared for a new film.

"you're tighter than usual my love, are you that excited to be around everyone?" he teases with a mocking tone, puffing out a wisp of pink smoke onto your flushed face. you lightly shake your head with a whine, the smoke that you inhale causing your vision to spin immediately. humming, valentino lifts your body up with the help of his lower pair of arms before roughly slamming you back down onto his cock. "I doubt that. you've always loved being fucking in public, no? look at you,"

you gasp, body tensing as a moan escapes your throat. you immediately bite down on your lower lip, eyes screwing shut while simultaneously having your body trembling under his hold. you don't want to draw too much attention to yourself, yet the idea alone excites you in an odd way that you never knew it would. noting your reaction, valentino continues repeating the action before stopping promptly, feeding himself with your choked back moans.

"keep looking pretty like that while i work, i'll have a reward waiting for you." you mewl at his words, giving him a weak nod while tugging onto his shirt. he takes another long drag from his cigarette before letting his gaze fall onto the prepared set displayed in front of him, eyes scanning for the stars of the show in the room.

he would moan softly into your ear whenever you clenched around him, teasing you with his mere voice and carrying on with his work. you don't complain, though, considering how you'll be fucked into a moaning mess once he's done with work.

© silas ( @silasours ). all rights reserved. every work posted on this account belongs to me, and only me. please refrain from reposting, plagiarizing, translating, or reproducing my work in any form possible.