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terramythos · 8 months

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Mort by Terry Pratchett Reading Notes

Full Review Here!

So this book also opens with a young person and their parents. As did Equal Rites which I need to restart

Ok so I didn't take notes as methodically as usual to start But as with Guards Guards it is very funny, with jokes that just keep coming back when you don't expect them. Lots of good bits and parallels

And the fucking MORPHOGENETIC FIELD fuck

-i like Mort but he's most certainly going to do some Dumb Shit. He is also very blank slate in terms of protagonists. His most consistent trait is reminding people about his name. Which I imagine will have some payoff

-I find some of the parallels funny like death clearly taking on Mort to maybe get together with his adopted daughter after his dad talked about that exact thing (in that context seemingly ridiculous). I hope there's more to it than that however.

-and I do wonder about how succession with Death would even work. As I'm pretty sure Death in this book is the same entity in the whole series

-not to make this elder scrolls but I guess they could do something like Sheogorath where you Become that person in every significant way after inheriting the role from them. I'm sure there's a better comparison/example lol

-but Mort could just be a. Friend or something. Which would also be fine

-I'm sure sexy witch won't be a Thing at all later

-Listeners hear every sound in Discworld?

-"light dawned on Mort, but very slowly" lmao

-ok Death showing up to someone who perpetually reincarnates is a little bit funny. What Is the point

-'cut the heir with a knife' what a pun. Insane

- interesting to frame Mort saving Keli from her perspective. So we don't know exactly what he thought as he did it. And this was presumably a Very Bad Thing since she was supposed to die and he killed the assassin instead?

-so many anachronistic similies and metaphors. I guess that is appropriate for this book specifically

-also idk if this is relevant at all. But Keli not dying has a big butterfly effect, obviously. But what about the assassin? Who were they? How would their death change things?

-i have to imagine no one really noticing you exist suddenly without being FULLY non existent would be pretty awful

-"there's no justice. There's just you" will this come around again to a "just us"

-ok Ysabelle kinda goth. Which like obviously, but nice

-oops! You made a split timeline

-theres something interesting about this? Border? Between realities an 'interface'. Cause that has a very specific meaning in 2024, but I bet it read different in 1987. At least a little

-i like the narrative dropping A Big Hint for the reader by noting how the character did not notice it

-the description of how Mort has changed might be The Quote

-a fan of something being so real it's uncanny. Especially in the realm of fiction. Gives me Inkheart thoughts

-ok the whole thing with Mort being able to walk through doors and walls was introduced EARLY and continues to be so. And Death seemed to consider it normal. But what causes it? Why does it only work sometimes?

-this is a fairly familiar plot where you change 1 thing in history and everything else changes as a butterfly effect. The main difference so far is it being a delayed reaction. I want to see if Pratchett does something different with it otherwise

-capital L Logic "taking the night off too"

-so a split timeline will heal itself but Mort is going to fuck it up again?

-a fucking island named KRULL? No way, no fucking way. Hold on I have to look something up

-2 thing I learned googling Krull: the MOVIE Krull came out in 1983, 4 years before this book. So it is very plausible Pratchett knew of it. Second thing is Liam Neeson was in it, which I was somehow unaware of or forgot

-"why did you save me?" "... for later" God damn why is Pratchett clever

-Mort suddenly scary! And here I think is the first bit where he doesn't say "Mort" when someone calls him boy. Instead he's scary about it. So. That's a fun play on what I expected.

-we have. Switched to present tense. I see

-im not sure what this revelation about Malich is supposed to be implying. Maybe I missed something. I think the only person we don't know anything about it Deaths butler? Guy?

-oh yeah. Albert is his name. And the famous wizard is Alberto Malich. So Death like. Adopted a famous wizard who's now like. A cook?

-my biggest area of criticism with this book is I just have zero investment in Mort's obsession with this random princess. Like it's an objectively stupid thing to cause so much trouble over. Doesn't even know her. Maybe that's the point but it's hard with no investment whatsoever in it

-A PET SWAMP DRAGON??? I UNDERSTAND THAT REFERENCE (read: the only other book I've read in this series)

-trying to imagine how shooting Mort would even work.

-it is difficult to convey how clever & funny Death's alternate typeface is when it shows up unexpectedly. Just an oh shit moment every time.

-'if you win, you will [do this] ' 'and if I lose?' 'You will wish you had won' what a fucking threat lmao

-update: shooting Mort did not work.

-i know this book predates "bucket list" as a term but that is nevertheless what Death seems to be doing

-god I thought the bit was gonna be that Death can't get drunk and then he DOES halfway through the scene. Then manually stops being drunk

-bartender: 'well at least this weird hooded figure seems to be harmless' (it's literally Death)

-no way can Albert be a wizard, he doesn't wear a wizard hat! So true bestie

-i know Ysabell is probably like The Actual Love Interest but it is a little cute that Mort got so angry at people not using his name but went back to just correcting when Ysabell did it

-theres a whole shelf! Aw fuck do we have a doctor who situation or some shit

-no he's just been alive that long ig. Wonder if this character shows up elsewhere

-Death at a job broker....

-Oh my GOD *THAT* was the payoff for the "Mort." bit! A fucking typeface wham line. Jesus christ that's good lmao

-"Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe" either sounds like a quote from some ancient philosopher or an 80s prog rock album. But nope, Pratchett.

-ysabell girlboss

-kinda feel bad for Death finding happiness and the implication being he can't keep it. Unless Mort does actually become Death

-and there's the idea of becoming real becoming more like death. All in a fictional story of course.

-ok I am Compelled, finally, by Morts transformation.

-i do really like how the "Mort." bit has extended throughout the book to convey his character arc and even got integrated into the storytelling in a meta way with the Death typeface.

-this presents the idea of a human becoming Death as Really Bad because if you apply human morality and emotion to it, Death becomes cruel. Which sounds philosophical as fuck and all, but it brings to mind all the terrible things humans have done when inflicting death on others. It is comforting to think of Death as neutral from the perspective of an uncaring universe-- all things die, no matter what, but likewise, its hard as a human to see Death that way within the context of lives and experiences.

-but there is some positivity to the overall story so I am interested to see the "good" side if there is one. I'm not sure there is

-Mort is a blank slate character, i think intentionally so, so that as he develops we see how his mistakes and the worst sides of his personality manifest as he matures and becomes more Real, like Death. The actual Death character isn't cruel but when Mort is given the opportunity he makes selfish decisions (rescuing Keli) and cruel (how he treats Albert in this scene). So then my question is where do his Best traits manifest? Is it impossible for then to, in this context and with this kind of power?

-man Mort is so mean to Ysabell.

-the fucking speech check war between the Emperor and Vizier was pretty funny

-oh hey, The Librarian cameo. And.. Albert called him a monkey. Oh dear. Also isn't Rincewind a protag in another series

-"THERE'S NO JUSTICE," said Mort. "THERE'S JUST US." --- Oh my god I fucking called it I CALLED IT I KNEW they were gonna use that line holy shit

-"You are whatever you think you are" hell yeah

-at least Ysabell punched Mort in the face. He kind of deserved it

-shout out to The Librarian killing Albert lmfao

-the elephant gets drunk and sees pink people

-i mean good for the elephant going home. Ok king

-i like the implication that the speed of night is faster than the speed of light

-oh so we do get to play a game with Death? At the end?

-"were all lives--from a personal viewpoint-- entirely the same length?" I mean okay damn

-i like Mort thinking "you'll never beat him... the best we can do is hold him off for a while" about Death, but in the context of like. A duel.

-i mean YEAH you CAN turn hourglasses over! Obviously! That's how they work!

-the weight of a pearl, huh

-I like closing the story with Mort reading his own book and that becoming the last of the narration

Hmm ok! So I liked it. But have some mixed thoughts. I'll need to gather them together

First off I loved the writing, Pratchett really was clever and had very unique and humorous ways of saying things. Stuff like "her voice could have kept milk fresh for a month" instead of "her voice was icy". And its not just wordplay but situations themselves. It is difficult to convey just how much clever stuff there is in the book because it would

overwhelm anything else. I think that this is probably true for most of the Discworld books and is at least in part why they're so beloved. I have a hard time thinking of other writers with quite this knack for clever humor in such a nonstop abundance. There's stuff like this book introducing the detail that every person has a book being written that narrates their life, then closing out the book with Mort reading from his, and then using that as the closing narration. Like that's cool and brilliant.

I like Morts character arc and how he goes from a blank slate to something more in order to convey how being Death's apprentice changes him. There is also fun worldbuilding and creativity on how Death's actual job works, with the tongue and cheek acknowledgement that even this is a personification and not really real.

Deaths typeface is used as an honest to God wham line which is probably the only example I've seen of... a font conveying a plot twist. I guess technically this also happens in other Discworld scenes where Death shows up unexpectedly. But in this particular story it's not Death saying it which is why its so shocking.

My main struggle with Mort is I had a hard time caring about or being invested in the main plot. For example, the inciting incident that kicks off the main plot is Mort making a selfish decision to save the life of a princess who is destined to die, purely because he has a shallow crush on her. I know it's intentional that their relationship doesn't really matter and is just surface level. But theres nothing to make me care about it at all, and when him doing this AND KEEPING IT SECRET FROM DEATH is the main source of narrative tension, it's a problem when I can't find any reason to care about it.

The plot itself is very... loose I guess. It's a collection of scenes and vignettes a lot of the time that are only tangentially related to the story. Which is fine, but this makes the problem of investment in the story even harder for me. I was suddenly very compelled when Mort started to transform into Death and the personal issues of identity, human behavior, etc that this introduces. It just felt like that's what the story should have been about the whole time.

Basically what carried me through the book was the clever prose and humorous scenes/situations. Which again, is fine! I definitely enjoyed reading Mort. It just didn't amaze me as a story.

Probably the funniest thing is you could remove Albert from the story entirely and it wouldn't change anything. Like slightly rework the scene at the University near the end and you're set. It felt like Pratchett realized we needed a villain in the third act and assigned that role to a random side character so Albert was evil, briefly, then not as soon as Death dealt with it. Just felt very oddly paced and structured

There are loose ends that did not get concluded and I'm not sure if this means they are explored in greater depth later. For example Mort bungles one Death collection and a witch's soul escapes mortality. Another is this persistent idea/theme of what's "real". We explore it a little but never to its conclusion. Mort gets a pearl which is supposedly a piece of reality he created. And there's the idea of one reality happening when it shouldn't and how the universe reacts to it. But it's very mechanical (literally turns into an artifact) and the thematic implications are still up in the air

Anyway I'm thinking 7/10 cause it was good and a fun read, just didn't floor me

#taylor reads #reading notes

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madasthesea · 6 years

Note

what about the remember me one? seen a lot of fics with peter getting amnesia but never one of tony forgetting anything? could be a nice switch to see how peter would deal with that + tony trying to figure out how he went from a wild playboy to a supposed superhero with a teenager. I'm sure I'd cry lmao

Guess what, anon. I already had 2000 words written on this very topic. Hence why this is so very long.

Tony wakes up. He blinks around at the well-lit room around him—softblue walls, clean sheets on his bed. There’s medical equipment around him,beeping steadily with his heartbeat.

He isn’t worried, but he is confused.

He has no idea where he is.

A hospital, he thinks,but he doesn’t know how he knows that.

Actually, the more he thinks, the more he realizes that he doesn’tknow... anything.

His name is Tony. He’s in a hospital room. There’s a dull achebuilding at the back of his head.

That’s it. He closes his eyes and concentrates, tries to rememberhow he got here, but there’s nothing before he opened his eyes.

“Tony?”

Tony jerks his eyes open, looks at the dark-haired woman suddenlystanding in front of his bed.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi,” she replies, smiling a little. “I’m Dr. Helen Cho.”

Tony tries to think if the name is familiar. Or if it should befamiliar. It isn’t, so he says, “Nice to meet you.”

Dr. Cho hums. “Yes. About that. I suspected based on the MRIresults from this morning, but this confirms it. Tony, you have full retrogradeamnesia. It is temporary. We’re finding a solution.”

Tony frowns. “How do you already know it’s temporary if I’ve justwoken up?”

Dr. Cho doesn’t seem surprised by his blunt question. In fact, herlittle smile grows just a bit.

“The cause of your amnesia is not from blunt force trauma or a deteriorationin the hippocampus, but another source that I feel is best not to disclose atthis time. I’ve consulted another doctor with your case and he assures me thatthere is a solution that will fully restore your memories, it will just take afew days to take effect.”

“That sounds suspicious as heck, but I guess I’ll take your wordfor it, Doc. You seem like you know what you’re talking about.”

“I do. That’s why you hired me,” Helen says simply. That’s news toTony. He thinks about his response for a moment.

“And the other doctor. I hired them, too?”

“Dr. Strange is a... colleague of yours. He wanted to help.” Tonyraises an eyebrow, a retort on the tip of his tongue, but Cho keeps speaking. “Wouldyou like to see your family now, Tony?”

Tony freezes. He... he has a family? Are they worried about him? Dothey know he has amnesia... that he can’t remember them?

What if they get mad that he can’t remember them?

His mouth is suddenly dry. He swallows hard.

“Do they know?” He whispers.

“I’ll warn them before they come in,” Helen assures him. When Tonycontinues to stare at the door with wide eyes, she adds, “They’re very worriedabout you, Tony. They’d like to see you.”

“Right. Ok. Umm... bring them in, I guess.”

Helen leaves. Tony tugs at the blanket over his lap, his stomachfluttering with nerves as he waits for someone else to show up. He has no ideawho to expect.

Does he have a spouse? Are his parents alive? Siblings, maybe? Noneof those feel right, but does that mean anything?

The door opens again and Tony’s jaw drops a little bit.

The woman walking toward him is easily the most beautiful personhe has ever seen. Her long strawberry blonde hair falls over her shoulders, herblue eyes wide as she hurries over to him.

“Tony,” she murmurs, sitting on the edge of his bed. She puts onehand on the side of his face, worrying at her bottom lip with her teeth.

“Umm,” he breathes intelligently. “Hey.”

The woman smiles a bit, her eyes filling with tears. The sightmakes something in Tony’s gut clench, icy dread shooting through his veins.

He sits up a bit, presses his hand over hers.

“Don’t cry,” he says without thinking. “Please don’t cry.”

Her face softens. She rubs her thumb along Tony’s cheek.

“Hi, Tony,” she whispers. “I’m Pepper.”

“Pepper,” he repeats quietly, hoping that it will feel familiar inhis mouth. It doesn’t. “That’s a nice name,” he offers, smiling a little.

Pepper laughs, a soft exhale of breath. Tony likes the way hernose scrunches up when she does it.

“Thank you.” They sit for another moment, hands still overlapping.Tony looks at her intently, hoping that if he looks hard enough he’ll remember something about her.

Finally, he has to ask. “And you’re my...?”

Her smile is a little sadder this time. “I’m your fiancée.”

Tony gapes at her for a second. “Holy crap.”

Pepper laughs again, an actual laugh that makes Tony smile justfrom hearing it.

His breath catches in his throat when she leans forward and kisseshis cheek. His heartbeat pounds in his ears, his stomach swarming with butterflies.

“Even with amnesia, you’re still my Tony,” Pepper says like it’sthe greatest compliment in the world.

He smiles at her, a dopey grin that makes her laugh again. It’sofficially his new goal in life to make her laugh as much as possible.

Although he wants her to stay, after a few minutes, he can’t helpbut wonder if there’s anyone else out in the hall, anxiously waiting for theirchance to talk to him.

“Is... Dr. Cho said ‘they,’” Tony starts out haltingly. “Arethere... more people?”

“Of course,” Pepper assures him. “I’ll go get him.”

Without any explanation as to who ‘him’ is, Pepper kisses hischeek one more time and leaves. He watches her go, his nerves mounting again. Hehalf hopes she’ll come back with the next person. Her presence is starting tofeel familiar and comforting—like his body is remembering her before his brainis.

To Tony’s surprise, the next person that walks in is a kid.

He’s scrawny and a little short, and could be anywhere between thirteenand sixteen. His brown hair curls over his ears, his forehead.

When he saw Pepper for the first time, she had felt like a totalstranger. But as soon as he sees the kid, something in him seems to perk up, avoice in his head repeating I know him. Iknow him. How do I know him?

Tony sits up in his bed, watching the boy with furrowed eyebrows.Why does this kid seem so familiar?

And then their eyes meet.

The boy’s eyes are a warm brown. Tony doesn’t know how he knows, butimmediately he thinks ‘just like mine.’

Tony’s heart skips a beat. His breath catches in his lungs.

Oh mygosh.

That’s myson.

The thought comes with the quiet certainty of fact. And then there’sa rush of emotion so intense Tony is dizzy with it. A sense of awe fills him atthe thought that this living, breathing person is Tony’s kid, and with it an innate need to protect him from anythingthat could possibly hurt him.

The boy stops at the foot of the bed. Tony can see now that hiseyes are red from crying, and it feels like being punched in the stomach, animmediate cry of fix it resounding inTony’s mind.

“Come here,” Tony says, numbly patting the bed where Pepper hadsat before. The kid hesitantly settles himself next to Tony, their legsbrushing through the thin blanket.

Tony swallows hard, tries to take in everything about his son’sface. He’s beautiful, really, and he knows most fathers say that about theirnewborns, but this is Tony’s first time meeting his kid and he’s shaking andscared and already so completely in love with this kid that he doesn’t even know.

He raises a hand to the boy’s cheek, just like Pepper had done tohim. His eyebrows beetle as he looks at Tony, an almost pleading expression onhis face.

“What’s your name?” Tony whispers, hating himself for having toask.

Tony can almost hear the sob his son chokes back.

“Peter.”

Peter.

“I’m sorry, Peter.”

“What for?”

“For being such a terrible father that I forgot my own son,” Tonyexplains.

To his surprise, Peter freezes. Maybe he had hoped that Tony hadn’ttruly forgotten him, had still remembered who he was even if he couldn’tremember his name, only to be disappointed.

Tony almost apologizes again, but Peter stops him by slumpingforward and hugging Tony around the middle.

“It’s not your fault,” Peter assures him, his voice breaking.

Tony wraps his arms around Peter’s shoulders, buries his nose inthe kid’s hair. It’s comforting, if not familiar, and Tony is content to sitthere for a long time.

Pepper comes back with Dr. Cho and two other men who introducethemselves as Rhodey and Happy. Tony makes a face at their weird names and theyboth laugh. Peter is still tucked into his side and Tony is happy to keep himthere, combing fingers through his curly hair. He wonders for the first timewho Peter’s mom is. She must have curly hair just like Peter’s, he thinks.

To his surprise, Cho says that he’s free to leave. He’s even moresurprised to learn that this isn’t actually a hospital at all, but a medbay ina tower that he owns and lives in.

“Am I rich?” he asks at that, and everyone laughs so hard theycry, which Tony doesn’t understand at all.

Pepper and Peter lead him to the elevator after he’s changed outof the hospital gown.

“FRIDAY, take us to the penthouse,” Pepper asks politely.

“Of course, Miss Potts,” a woman’s voice answers. Tony jumps andlooks at the ceiling where the voice came from.

“That’s your AI, FRIDAY. You made her,” Peter explains.

“An AI?” Tony asks, his eyes alight in curiosity. “And she runsthe tower?”

“And a load of other things.”

“That’s amazing,” Tony says, grinning. Peter and Pepper both smileback at him.

“Wait until I show you your lab,” Peter promises.

The day speeds by to Tony. After Peter shows him around the lab,which had Tony feeling like a kid in a candy store, they mess around for acouple hours, Peter’s jaw drops and his eyes go huge as he realizes something.

“What?” Tony asks, self-conscious. As fun as the day has been, Tony’samnesia is a stumbling block in most of their conversations, a handicap theyhave to work around.

“You’ve never seen Star Wars,”Peter gasps.

“Umm... no,” Tony agrees, because he definitely doesn’t rememberever seeing it.

Peter grabs his wrist and doesn’t even wait for Tony to put histools down before starting to drag him from the room. “Come on. The only thingbetter than watching Star Wars forthe first time is watching someonewatch it for the first time.”

“That good, huh?” Tony asks, laughing, letting his kid tow himalong.

Peter stops dead and stares at him. “They’re the best movies inthe world.” Then he keeps pulling him along.

And so he spends the evening sprawled on the couch with Peter andPepper, eating pizza and watching Star Wars and Tony thinks maybe he doesn’tneed his memories back if this can be his life from now on.

When Darth Vader reveals himself to be Luke’s father, Tony isappropriately shocked.

“He just cut off his son’shand?” Tony asks, outraged. Peter nods against his shoulder, seeming pleasedwith Tony’s reaction. Tony uses a finger to tip Peter’s chin back so they’relooking at each other.

“I promise, even if I go dark side, I will never cut off yourhand, ok, baby?” Tony tells Peter in faux-seriousness.

“Good to know,” Peter laughs, tucking himself closer to Tony’sside. Pepper, on his other side, is watching them, and when Tony looks over ather she doesn’t clear the confusion off her face quite fast enough.

He wonders if maybe he and Peter don’t usually act like this, ifmaybe Peter is just relieved that he’s ok and is humoring his more tactiletendencies.

He thinks maybe he should be more concerned about the fact that hecan’t remember the previous years of his life, but there’s something... freeingabout it. He can just exist, in this moment, with his fiancée and his son, withno recollection of any past tension or grief or worries.

He isn’t sure why, but he has the terrible suspicion that a lot ofhis memories are not good ones.

That night he dreams of monsters and flying and fathomless spacespread out before him. Someone is screaming, and it’s him and Pepper and Peterall at the same time.

He wakes breathless, the void of his past a welcome reprieve.

The thing he finds weird, he decides as he wanders around thepenthouse the next day while Peter’s still asleep and Pepper’s at meetings, isthat there are no pictures of Peter as a child.

There are plenty of recent pictures, where Peter looks the same ashe does now, and Tony’s in many of them, but if the kid was his son, wouldn’the have baby pictures around? The kid with a trophy of some kind, a Christmas,a birthday?

Maybe they were estranged for a long time?

The thought that Tony could have had a son and not been allowednear him makes him sick.

There are no pictures of anyone that could be his parents either. Hegets a sinking feeling he knows why.

He almost asks FRIDAY, which is still the coolest thing he’s everheard of, but he doesn’t. He has a hard time admitting to himself it’s becausehe doesn’t want to know.

When Peter is finally up and dressed, he comes to Tony with a grinon his face.

“I have a surprise for you,” Peter says.

“Kid, I have no memories, everything is a surprise.”

Peter laughs and takes Tony by the wrist, leading him to theelevator. They go down past the labs, but stop before the Medbay. Tony waitsfor the doors to open with baited breath.

The room Peter leads him into covers the entire floor, and islined on every wall with gleaming metal statues in shades of red and gold.

“Woah,” Tony breathes, stepping out and turning slowly so he cansee more. “What are these?”

“These are your babies,” Peter says simply.

Tony arches an eyebrow at him. “You’re my baby. These are...awesome.”

Peter rolls his eyes, but he seems to be blushing a little, whichTony again finds odd. He was just stating a fact, what was there to beembarrassed about?

“You know what I meant,” Peter says.

“I... I made these?” Tonyasks. Peter had told him that he’s a world-class genius and a mechanic, but it’shard to believe when he has no memories of being either of those things.

“Every one.” Peter sounds proud, and Tony preens a little internally.His son is proud of him. It’s a good feeling.

“What are they for?”

“Brace yourself,” Peter warns, smiling. Tony waits. “Along withbeing a genius and a billionaire, you’re also a superhero. Called Iron Man.These are your suits.”

Tony looks again at the suits, walking slowly around the room andtaking in each one.

“I... I’m a superhero?”

“You’ve saved the world a few times,” Peter admits, tipping hishead against Tony’s shoulder as they stand together, looking at a clunkiermodel of the suit. The plaque under it reads “Mark III.”

“Wow,” Tony breathes. And then he notices the one suit differentfrom all the rest—instead of a robotic suit of armor, it’s more form-fitting,metallic red and blue with a spider emblem on its chest. He walks toward it. “Isthis mine, too?” He asks, confused.

“No, that’s actually... that one’s mine,” Peter tells him. “I’m asuperhero, too.”

Tony whips around to look at Peter. “I let you fightsupervillains?” he asks, suddenly appalled at his own parenting.

Peter shrugs. “You tried to stop me. It didn’t work. So now youprotect me, instead. You made this for me.”

“Are you... is it just the suit? Like me? Or do you...?” He doesn’treally know how to ask his kid if he has superpowers, so he trails offawkwardly. Luckily, Peter gets what he was trying to say.

“Want to find out?” he asks, grinning slyly.

If Pepper were home she definitely would have stopped them. But turnsout Tony’s decision making is very easily swayed when Peter’s enthusiastic andexcitable, and before he knows it, he’s suited up in one of the Iron Man suits,Peter’s in his Spider-Man suit, and they’re both exiting the tower from thebalcony on the 98th floor.

Tony nearly falls to his death the second he takes off, but FRIDAYhelps, and Peter gives him pointers as he swings along next to him, and soon he’sflying like it’s second nature. And maybe it is, to him, buried in his muscles,so deep that even amnesia can’t make him forget it.

He and Peter explore New York from the air, laughing and whoopingas they go, and Peter shows him what he can do: the strength, the wall-climbing,all of it. Finally, breathless, they both sit on the edge of the roof of askyscraper, their feet dangling hundreds of feet above the pavement.

Gosh, how could he ever forget this?This life, this amazing family, this job.

Or maybe his life wasn’t actually like this. Maybe he didn’t spendhis days flying around the greatest city in the world with his son at his side,happy and carefree. But the possibility of it is there now—he’s gotten a tasteof it and wants more. Even when Dr. Cho’s miraculous solution comes through, hecan’t imagine he’ll ever choose to go back to what he was before.

Peter’s rambling next to him, talking about a time when the two ofthem had stopped a bank robbery together. He sounds a little wistful. For thefirst time, Tony feels guilty about not remembering.

“This must be hard for you,” Tony says when Peter pauses.

Peter looks at him. He’s taken off his mask, figuring they’re sohigh up no one can see his face. He shrugs, bouncing his heels against theconcrete below him.

“I... I know I don’t... know you super well right now. I can’tremember when your birthday is, or your favorite food, or what you like to do.”

He stops and takes a breath, before reaching out and turning Peter’sface toward him. The kid’s eyes are wide, and there’s something sad about themthat makes Tony’s heart break.

“But I know I love you. I just look at you and there’s this weightin my chest and I just know that Ilove you so much.”

To his dismay, Peter’s eyes fill with tears.

“Oh, jeez,” Tony says, hastily moving to wipe the tears away asthey fall. “Do I not tell you that enough or something, Pete?”

“No, no, I just... I love you, Dad,” Peter whispers, and there’ssomething in his voice that Tony doesn’t understand, something guilty and sadand afraid.

“I-I’ll get my memories back soon,” he promises, hoping that willfix it.

“I know,” Peter says. He smiles sadly, than yanks on his mask andstands, leaping without hesitation off the building. Confused and a little hurt,Tony follows.

As they make their way home, all Tony can think about is how Peter’svoice broke when he called him Dad.

In his dream, Tony is holding Peter in his arms, cradled to hischest, looking down at his son’s face.

Peter’s crying. Tony’s crying, too.

He watches his son slowly turn to dust, and at the same rate, hisheart shatters into pieces.

The fragments coat his hands.

Tony wakes up and can’t breathe.

Whatever sick joke his imagination was playing on him, he wasn’thaving it. He stood from his bed and tiptoed down the hall. With a little helpfrom FRIDAY, he found Peter’s room and slipped inside.

He could hear the kid breathing and was instantly soothed as if itwere a lullaby.

Did Tony sing lullabies to Peter when he was a baby? He wonderswhat his favorites were, which ones Peter would babble to, which would calm himdown when he was crying.

Tony steps forward and crawls into his kid’s bed.

Peter stirs next to him, the shift in the mattress alerting him toTony’s presence. “M—Dad?” Peter asks groggily.

“Hi, baby. Sorry I woke you,” Tony whispers.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Tony assures. The fear of the dream is behind him, the detailsslipping away. It wasn’t real, obviously. Peter’s here, warm and sleepy, andnot ash on his hands. “I had a weird dream, is all.”

Peter blinks himself into alertness. “What happened in it?”

“It doesn’t matter, it was just a dream.”

“Dr. Strange said to tell him if you access your memories in yourdreams. I need to know,” Peter insists, sitting up.

“Well, I know it wasn’t a memory, cause you died in this dream,alright? And clearly, you’re not dead, so not real,” Tony says, propped up onhis elbows.

Peter’s face goes pale, then he sighs. He lays back down, restinghis head on Tony’s chest and getting him to lay down in the process.

“You were holding me,” Peter says quietly. “And I started turningto dust in your arms.”

“How—” Tony starts, butPeter interrupts.

“That really happened. I... I died.”

“Oh my gosh,” Tonybreathes, horrified, wrapping his arms tight around his kid. He remembers thedream more vividly, all of a sudden, remembers the horrible red dirt and thepain in his chest and the absolute, desolate grief. “Oh my gosh.” There are tears in his eyes.

“It’s ok,” Peter whispers. He curls into Tony’s side like he wasmade to fit there. “You saved me.”

“My son. My son.” Tony holds Peter so close he can feel his heartbeating against his own chest. It’s the only thing that lets him sleep againthat night.

If his lifeis anything like his nightmares, he thinks before he falls asleep, he doesn’t want his memories back.

Apparently, the single memory is all Dr. Strange needs to bringthem all back. He explains, in a rather pompous way, that he’s a sorcerer whois going to retrieve Tony’s memories from where the other sorcerer who did thishid them.

That sounds like the most absurd thing in the world to Tony, buthe thinks about Peter yesterday on the roof, of Pepper that morning when she’dgone to kiss him and he’d stiffened in surprise and she’d turned away, tryingto hide her frown, and forces himself to sit still.

And just like that, his memories are back. It’s overwhelming atfirst, all the information pouring in like a computer rebooting. Then he’sjust... there.

He opens his eyes and sees Peter across the room and thinks, Oh, crap. Amnesia Tony was an idiot.

Now that he has his memories and knows that Peter is not, in fact,his son, he is absolutely mortified. And, judging by how much Peter’s avoidingeye contact, he’s not the only one.

Dr. Strange leaves in a spray of golden light and then Pepperlooks between the two of them and excuses herself and suddenly it’s just Tonyand Peter, not looking at each other.

Tony thinks he should be the adult here and speak first, but Peterbeats him to it.

“So, we’re all good now, right? I should probably go back home,May’s been wondering,” he rambles, already halfway out the door.

“Kid,” Tony calls. “Come on, we should, um... talk? About this?”

Peter’s shoulders slump. He seems to steel himself before he turnsaround and forces a smile. “It’s ok, Mr. Stark. I get it, you don’t need toexplain. Why else would a kid be hanging around, it was natural for you toassume...”

“Pete,” Tony tries to say, but Peter just plows over him.

“—And about what you said, it’s-it’s alright, I know it’s just causeyou thought I was-“

“Peter,” Tony saysloudly. There’s a beat.

“I’m sorry I called you ‘Dad,’” Peter whispers. Tony stopsbreathing for a moment. “It was selfish.”

“What do you mean?” Tony asks, his heart beating loud in his ears.

“I just wanted to see how it felt.” Peter’s voice is small,ashamed.

Oh, kid.

“Come here, Pete.” Peter doesn’t move. “Alright, I’ll come to you,”Tony says, and crosses the room until he can rest both hands on Peter’sshoulders so he can peer into his eyes.

“Kid, you have this all backwards. I didn’t love you because Ithought you were my son,” Tony murmurs. It’s strange how much easier it hadbeen to say when he had no memories of his father telling him he was weak, ofhis team leaving him beaten and bloody, of betrayal after heartbreak afterinjury. He tries to channel that Tony, the one that lived in the moment becausethere was no past to dwell on. He takes a breath and plunges on.

“I thought you were my son because I loved you. Because you walkedinto that room and I knew you, evenif I didn’t remember why.”

Peter’s expression cheers up marginally. “Really?”

“Yeah, buddy. Really. And I,” he hesitates for a second cause it’sfeelings and not necessary, but it’llmake Peter feel better. “I liked you calling me ‘Dad.’”

Peter gives him a watery smile. “I liked having a dad. For alittle while.”

Tony chucks him gently under the chin.

“You’ve always got me, kiddo.”

#Irondad and Spiderson #Tony Stark #Peter Parker #MCU #brotp: speaking of loyalty #my writing #fic #time for bed #I'm so tired I wrote the last part with my eyes closed so hope it isn't awful #Anonymous

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