#i'm waaaay way too old to be behaving like an experiementing teenager and i feel like everyone is laughing at me because of it
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Me recently: what if someone thinks I’m a loser? What if I AM a loser??
#what triggers this? usually comparing my life to other people's#it's just like.....i'm 33 soon to be 34. and i've barely lived at all.#i feel like there are certain life experiences that people do in their 20s that they look back on and say#'those things i did i would not do now as they were probably a bad idea#but i was young and fun and now i'm older and can calm down a bit and i'm glad i had those experiences'#but for me i feel like it took me this long to find the tiniest idea of who i am#sometimes i feel like i fel out of a cocoon or something like a year ago#i feel like i was born yesterday i've done no living at all#and that which i did do i don't talk about because i don't want to make other people feel like i do right now#if they haven't done those things#but like i've not done anything god fuck#my friend who doesn't message me back any more said it seemed like i wanted new experiences and that's not a bad thing#and it's true and she's right but omg i'm so scared#every time i tried to do anything the slightest bit adventurous in the past something went fucked up#and all the people who might have introduced me to fun new things are gone because they made me feel shitty#and when i meet new people they stop messaging me#i'm waaaay way too old to be behaving like an experiementing teenager and i feel like everyone is laughing at me because of it#even if they are not i feel like they can tell i'm the boring person i always thought i would grow up to be#i better stop here because i'm crying again fuck fuck fuck
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