#i'm trying to stay cool bc ik he LIES and says things in ways to specifically avoid confirming or denying things

[marciliedonato]

i don’t think we can shitpost our way out of this one (frank interview) girlies (gn).... ://

[ubike-official]

hello everynyan, date update for those who care abt my silly little dating life lol:

Sooo uhh it was interesting, the day leading up to this my friend was having a bad time at home and asked to stay the night. i was like ofc sure, he's met her before and they were cool and also she will probably be gone before he gets there anyways. i was scared abt my dog bc he doesn't like new people and sometimes growls at ppl if they pet him weird or approach him wrong. i try to warn everyone of this but i don't know how best to explain what to do and not do. and my dog is half pitbull half lab so he's big and a bit intimidating for ppl that don't have bigger dogs.

also he growled at my friend the night before. so i was like. im going to give him sooo much dog cbd, patchy plsss dont ruin this for me. He was fine but i was anxious when i woke up at like 7am to walk him. i get a text at 7:30 from tresspassing dude that he's on his way. and I'm like WYM ON YOUR WAY... THATS SO EARLY. i then wake up my friend to let her know whats going on. she was there with us for like 2.5 before leaving and i was scared it'd be awkward but tbh it was good. she helps cut the initial anxiety bc she's a yapper (lovingly) and i can yap with ppl i know well but I'm more of a listener. trespassing dude (his names andrew) is also more of a listener. so we both are just quiet a lot. so she helped getting both of us talking bc sometimes that is an issue.

We started baking, doing prep stuff. we leave the bread to rise, go on a little walk around my neighborhood to see this house with a chicken coop. We then see some squirrels and im like "oh two of em, cute" and andrew was like, "oh no theres three, one behind that car." and he points but I can't see over it. im 5'0/153cm hes 5'9/175 then is like "wait.. no you can't see that" and I'm like, "ah yea thats ok! i believe you theres one there" and then he offer to pick me up so i can see it. and I'm mentally like.... OH and i agree ofc and at that point my friend is like.. wow this corner is so interesting, imma look over here. and he picks me up. tbh i was not looking at the squirrel i was just thinking "wow, this is not a thing this guy would offer platonically" like idk how to describe him but he's quiet and withdrawn and not the type to just be like "i will pick u up" to friends. i have friends and know ppl like that, this guy is Not One Of them. So that ends and I'm like, cool thanks! and then my friend is like, okay its about time to take my leave and parts ways.

Then we finish baking and grill some meat for sandwiches. This entire time we're in the kitchen he is washing like every single dish. i did not have to ask once, he just kinda did it. And i was impressed. bare minimum ik, but i was daydreaming beforehand like "aww this will be so cute. I'll be washing dishes and then handing them to him to dry c: so domestic" but nope, he beat me to it, roles reversed. which was such a nice surprise as he like rarely takes the initiative for stuff. its gotten better but idk the way he was when we first met is still etched in my brain.

So we do that, finish up and chill for a bit. i showed him my sketchbooks and there was this one hand study i showed him and he's like. "oh my pinkys are fucked up" and they are. they're like bend in, i noticed this before but didn't say anything bc it felt odd to comment on. and then before long hes like it feels odd so I'm like.. can i feel it? and yea. then i had him feel what mine are like and ... gay ppl and their hands. there was a lot of little like casual touching and brush of hands. like normally if i like handed him something or like sat by him we would like not touch, it was so sterile. it drove all my friends insaneeeee. but finally it was different this time which was so nice.

Afterwards we go bouldering at this park by my house and I've been there before but I'm a bit out of shape since the last time i went. It happens, but I didn't realize it til we start climbing and I'm like. oh fuck this may have been a mistake. We also took a harder route to the top by accident. There was this one little mini cave he found and i couldn't make it up bc i just didnt have the flexibility to get my leg on the foot hold to get up. nor do i have the upper body strength to pull myself up as my arms are weak as hell. And he called like "where are you!?" and i was like "oh you go on and explore and then meet me back down here, i can't get up, my legs won't reach the foot hold" and he got down and was like "nah I'll pull you up" and i was like... No You Will Not. bc i have issues and I haaaaate asking for help. Also he's like strong I'm sure. i know he does work out a lot but he has a pretty small frame and i was like... worried. Last thing i wanted was for both of us to get hurt bc of me. Like I'd kms.

But he insisted so i took his help and it was cool. I'm very glad he did that. there was another instance where i was going down a rock and slipped and he went down first and like, i would not have gotten hurt. it was just mentally scary but if i landed hard it still would have been fine. but as i sloped i yelled like "SHIT" and next thing i know he's on top of me bear hug so i dont fall which was soooooo embarrassing omg but also very nice. i apologized profusely bc... as i mentioned. i got problems with taking help. hyper independence is real. There were a few more instances where he offered to help me and i declined and i hope it did not come across harshly, it honestly might have. and he was just being kind however i just HATE accepting help. I know... its bad. i will continue to work on it.

We look around, saw some really cool stuff. Had a few more little close moments which i will skip for brevity bc this is already Sooo long.

i debriefed with the friend who was at my house and say the first 2 hrs and she was like.... oh yea he definitely likes you. And as soon as he got home he told everyone on our discord that we made bread together. To me it looked like the nerd equivalent of a ig soft launch story. So... yea :D

Finally we get back home and its like 5pm. i fully expected him to like stay for 10 min, get some water and be like, lol its late i gotta dip. Which i would Not have been mad abt. he was at my place since 8am. this was the longest we've hung out before. But nope he lingered for an hour more. like we really did not have any reason to stay. We were just talking abt nothing rlly on my couch and like slowly getting closer, like i remember it now and it was the Perfect chance to be like "hey i like you" or do Something. but there was already soooo much progress and i was like, sage lets not get greedy. final win though was he asked me to go to a concert with him of a band we both like and its so funny.

bc i saw they announced their tour like 2 weeks ago and thought, aww it'd be nice if we went to together but i really didn't want to have to ask. I'm always scared of being too much and being a "clingy desperate woman" to a guy who doesn't like her. this has happened before. its been years, i should be over it but I'm not. that wound isnt healed but I'm working on it. And thankfully he brought it up and asked me to go. And that concerts like next year so like... thats a really nice sign. and yea. it was just rlly good. I'm happy. still kicking myself for not doing a little more but it was A Lot of Progress for me regardless and I do think our chemistry will only continue to deepen so I'm optimistic.