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#i'm trying to salvage this night i posted the poem i had written i'm doing my fucking best
onyxhellebore · 2 years
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#fuck i'm having a bad night that should've been a good night#went to the show for my cousin's band it's their very first show they opened for some out of town bands#mostly to get people in the room to see the bands bc everybody loves him so much#and i wanted to go and my roomies wanted to go and the one was hoping to network and then we got there and like#my roomies are having a bad anxiety day and i'm fucking struggling as well#my cousin's desperately trying to make shit work he's got a surgery coming up he's got his n95 so he doesn't get covid#and put off this surgery he's been needing for four fucking years#and i'm here with my chronic fucking fatigue and updates on my sister trying to be cheery before we go on but like#we're both fucking feeling the absence and it's apparent#last time we were both in that room together he was starting another band the room was fucking full#his parents were there his brother was there my sister and i were both there and everyone was cheering and had energy and life#and there's just so much fucking ABSENCE#and the mic doesn't work so the singer just doesn't sing lyrics for the songs in the set that were supposed to have lyrics#and we ended up leavving bc again the roomies were anxious and i was fucking exhausted and like#i'm trying to salvage this night i posted the poem i had written i'm doing my fucking best#i ate the last of my birthday cake but i dropped a slice on the floor lol#idk i am just feeling the fucking absence tonight#a lot of the time i'm very content with the ways i've adjusted and the life i've rebuilt for myself but tonight i'm just like#fuck it was supposed to be different#i wish i could time travel lol#there is so much missing from me idk
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