#i'm trying really hard not to be TOO parasocial if you couldn't tell

[penny-hartzs]

I’m happy she was able to find someone like Travis. Wishing them the best

Sameeee. Not to idolize Travis but he seems like such a fun guy. I've been fond of him ever since his SNL episode (especially this skit lmao) and I'm definitely rooting for them. It's fun seeing her have fun.

[dearyoungqueer]

DYQ - who am i? who knows! not me!

I'll be honest with you, I don't know if I'm a young queer. I would hope so, I'm not even out of college yet.

I know there's a million faceless people on the internet, so I figured it'd be nice to introduce to me to make this a little less parasocial (more parasocial? who knows!). To address the elephant in my identity, I'm a pageant girl-- pageant person? No, I refuse to be called a PP. I'm also pansexual, and nonbinary, so I really can't be called a pageant person because that opens the chance to be called a PPP and I don't think I could live with that.

Now, you're probably asking, what makes a young queer person join pageants, the epitome of straight women? Well, it's simple. I love Toddlers and Tiaras.

Kidding. Honestly, the pageants I compete in offer scholarship money as the award and I couldn't pass that up. It almost offsets the hundreds of dollars spent on dresses I'll never wear again!

The competitive part helps me feel good at something. I don't know about you guys, but growing up queer led me to a lot of insecurity issues, and I always felt like I had to try extra hard to keep up with everyone else in terms of societal value. If I doll myself up and squeeze into a dress and get on a stage and speak about being queer with a smile on my face and bleach blonde hair, people will like me in some capacity, they have to. Old ladies love to tell me I'm an "inspiration" for existing, for singing a song about loving girls in front of judges who couldn't care less. It sure doesn't feel inspiring, it actually makes me feel like a traitor. I'm scared that straight people find me queer enough to tolerate and queer people see me as borderline straight.

I'm sure everyone feels that way. The imposter syndrome of growing up queer is otherworldly, especially when you participate in overly feminine or masculine events. I love the girls I do pageants with. Do they feel the same? How many of them see me as a watered-down, easy to handle version of the LBGTQ community? How many of them vote for politicians who don't even want me to exist? Do young queer people look at me in disgust for being in pageants, even if I base my platform on queer youth? Do I even want to know?

It sounds stupid. It all does, when I write it down. But the one promise I made myself when I sat down and spent thirty seconds picking out pretty colors for my blog, was that I wouldn't delete any of my thoughts. I came here to be honest, and queer and a pageant person. I can't separate the two. I don't know that I want to.

I hope you're here. I hope you stuck it out to this line.

Maybe even this one? No, too far.

I'll be here.

Yours 'till next time,

Dear Young Queer

[hottakehoulihan]

Implacable

Characters behave recognizably canonically: Close enough. Not abandoned incomplete: Yes (complete) Engaging (Funny/cool/thoughtful/feels): Yes (funny) Do I recommend it: Yes

Premise: Altpower malicious compliance. Taylor is full of hate. HATE. Taylor brute-triggers as they're shoving her in but doesn't quite realize that's what happened until she throws a punch and does significantly more damage than she was expecting and Sophie has to out herself to avoid further damage. Of course the trio spins this with some success, and Taylor ends up a probationary Ward just like Sophie is. And she's pissed. And Danny is pissed. And the two of them use every bit of scholastic ability / union administrative experience to study and use the Wards contract.

It's not particularly long, alas. A couple hours reading time maximum. It came to an end just as I was really settled in my chair and ready for a longer ride. There are a whole bunch of fan-made omake that I didn't read many of and couldn't endorse anyone else try either lest they get the ones I did get. From what few comments i read, there was apparently a fair amount of drama in the comments (I didn't see it and can't guess what it's about) and also the author rewrote/tightened a fair bit of the story after finishing it.

Still, positive marks. I did want more, and it did end. I laughed out loud more than once. I can't recall a malicious compliance fic I've enjoyed as much.

Alas, there's no AO3 link. Reading on SV/SB is a bit sad; so many enthusiastic and supportive audience members, all permabanned, and no way to know why. I've only read two stories on QQ ever but maybe I should do some digging there just to see what they've got on offer.

Billymorph writes a lot in animation fandoms; Pokemon, Ducktales, and Bob's Burgers are among them. Good for them! Not sure if this is the only Billymorph wormfic. I'd check out more if I found it existed and was complete.

I normally try to read only complete stories for the most part. Incomplete ones just sit in my soul like a canker, even after I forget most of them and forget that I'm following them. And, of course, I am as generous a reader as I can bring myself to be (look just use a spellchecker and maybe read it out loud to yourself at least once? Hell, just a spellchecker) but if the Kingkiller chronicles are ever finished it'll be too late; my heart isn't in it anymore even though I've still got that permanent sense of annoyance that I can't finish the series.

There was something in the fantasy/scifi author realm online around 2017--lots of loud reminders to readers that authors don't owe you anything. I can't say that's wrong; author writes book reader buys book the end. No parasocial, no right to tell the author to change story. No obligation on author's part to provide answers to theory or present WOG on subjects. The book is the book.

But damn it's hard for me to accept that I am not owed--after investing my heart, time, and money into seventeen volumes--a final volume. I keep quiet about this, lest someone go "End of Evangelion" on my poor innocent Nana manga, but I feel it. An unfinished story is better than nothing, but it often feels worse than nothing.

Even though an unfinished story is in some ways more immortal as a result.

I wonder how much of Worm would not exist if it weren't for the folk who were able to donate heavily? Glad for that. Also glad The Discourse hadn't crushed the author's enthusiasm yet; I'm slogging through my Ward reread and am very eager for the end of Arc 7

I have decided not to review one-chapter stuff. I want to give love, and I love many single-chapter things (Binge Watch is super fun) but there's a significant time investment and a teeny bit of anxiety. My rating system is super simple and incredibly generous...and in fact I should probably abandon it actually and just dive into the premise since I'm unlikely to read or review anything that doesn't score at least a 2.5 out of 4. But I won't change the method just now.

I find it unpleasant to read multiple stories simultaneously if they have the same characters. I can do it, but it isn't great. ...enough babble; time to make food. Cheers and stuff.

[hyuckmov]

HI IM NIKI ANON im indonesian like she is too and i listen to her partly for pride n representation! but also bcs she is j so brilliant honestly!!!!!. MILK TEETH FOR HAECH URE CRAZY (in a good way) i will mayhaps d word if u write that ........ i will kiss n frame it n read it everyday even if it will rip my heart out smth smth i wait for your arms but you give me your jacket instead smth smth AAAH

i listened to the wiltern live album right before i went out today and i swear i was trying to hold my tears in bc i didnt wnna ruin my makeup AUGH shes so good.....

i knew her from before jaem played la la lost you and DUDE it is so crazy suddenly this parasocial relationship no longer feels so one sided. ure telling me there is a chance jaem plays niki's saddest songs on some nights? bops to indigo and move! when hes getting ready too? YEAH

jaehyun's my lowkey lover... screams bcs nicole & jay & i are all aquariuses . all of niki's songs are so air sign coded (which is why it's so fitting for haech fics . he is a gemini stellium and shouldn't couldn't wouldn't literally has the "figures, you gemini" line LIKE CMON)

AHHHH HI NIKI ANON i hope u come back a lot bc i. am currenly getting re-obsessed w her and i love to talk about it!!! alos about pride and representation. im east asian who immigrated to a southeast asian country and now im about to go to england for uni ive been thinking of ways to materialise my asian identity and really keep it a part of me <3 NOT... that i have to try very hard (i am very east asian..) but like now when i listen to niki i think about what she means for diaspora and like the asian community GLOBALLY and it always makes me feel so touched

MILK TEETH FOR HAECHIE just because you said that... i'm going to write it. I PROMISE. i also think anaheim for haechan (i can't live with myself 'cause i know you'd die for me...him being loving and physical-touch-y and very confused when u push him away...) i just want to write the saddest stories for him and idk why😭😭😭 but he's so perfect for her songs tooo </3 high school haech for her album

"this parasocial relationship no longer feels so one sided" YOURE SO RIGHT????? i also knew her before the video hehe and when the intro to la la lost you played i remember feeling CHILLS. i'm also a huge ariana fan so when he played positions & 34+35... also the idea of him listening to niki on the car...in his room at night... i could actually cry jaemin is THEREFORE very la la lost you coded to me. when he posted his instagram psot about grocery shopping in LA i was a wreck!!!!

omg jaehyun with lowkey? YOUR MIND!!! I CAN SEE ITTTT (especially the you ain't even gotta lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-love me line...heartbreaking in the best way) ALSO YOURE SO RIGHT (i am a gemini w a libra moon) she is so air-sign coded.

not u mentionoing jaemin haechan and jaehyun my fav 3!!!! i will definitely write more niki inspired pieces in the future both self indulgently and for u out there <3

[rrxnjun]

THE HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO UUUU!!! I HOPE U HAVE THE BEST DAY EVER AND HAVE FUN!!!!! U ARE JUST SUCH A LOVELY PERSON SO I HOPE THIS YEAR WILL TREAT U WELL!!!!!🥳🥳🥳💕💞💗💘🩷🌷🌷

tbh idk if we have discussed this but i was born in 2003 as well😎 (tbh i think i might have just seen u saying that u were born in the same year as treasure doyoung so i was like crazy we are bringing in the same year but never really thought about saying it 🤣😶) well i want to learn knitting that's my plan for the summer but i do embroidery and i love painting baking and reading so i'm ready for the grandma life (tbh i also braid bracelets but i don't think many grandmas do that 🫣)

U CAN DO IT!! I BELIEVE!!! but godddamn u are a king for that istg like getting an a after that u are just too powerful!!! and thank u💗🩷

ooo man☹️☹️☹️ that just sucks☹️☹️i almost couldn't go i had to beg my one friend to just come with me and convince her that it will be fun😭so i somewhat understand the pain it's hard out here not having friends with the same music taste😔👊

LMAO SORRY DIDNT MEAN IT AS A THREAT JUST AS A WARNING U KNOW🥲🤣 oh my u are really getting deep with treasure then:o AND LIKE MANS HAS THAT EFFECT ITS LIKE A SUPERPOWER ISTG JUST SO GREAT FOR THE PARASOCIAL MINDS

U DO DESERVE ALL OF THIS!!! but u know if u want to repay me with the drabble i won't complain 🫣 AND I ACTUALLY HOPE THAT U WILL HAVE MUCH FUN AS A 20YEAR OLD AND U SPEND IT WITH DOING STUFF THAT U LOVE!!! MUCH LOVE HIHI🩷💕 (liebestraum anon💗💘)

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! 🥺🥺 awh you are such a lovely person too, this means a lot ❣❣

AYYY 03 LINE BESTIES 😌✊ (i lowkey freaked out when i found out abt doyoung but also the fact that both of us are older than him by a few months😭 also his bday is on my name day LMAO 😭😭😭 speaking of doyoung btw he be hitting different lately but u didnt hear that from me) omg you must have a lot of patience to do embroidery but thats so cool !!!! painting, baking and reading are my fav acitivities too so i guess im a grandma too😌 i am also a big plant enthusiast so that adds up too (send me a friendship bracelet pls)

THANK YOU AHAH i hope so!!! And i am glad your friend agreed to go✊✊ you have to send me all the pics (esp calums 👁) after and tell me how u liked it!!! 💓💓

THANKS FOR THE WARNING!!! IT DID NOTHING TO COMFORT ME ❤ /j yesyes i am getting deep into treasure unfortunately DHSJ i am in the hyperfixation phase rn 😔😔 JIHOON IS SO GOOD FOR THE PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIP GIRLIES but he's literally perfect i- when i saw him covering ko ko bop in ygtb i lost my shit lowkey

okay i will try to write the drabble then 😌 AND THANK YOU SOSO MUCH i hope 20 is kind to me ❣ (and you too, but i'll wish you that on your bday. Altho idk how to contact u i will just post it for everyone to see ig LMAO)