#i'm terrified of flirting with women bc i think i seem creepy or manipulative

[thedreadvampy]

I feel like in general I have no issues with pride in loving women*. I love loving women and fuck anybody ever. And I’ve obviously got no reason to feel shame for loving men. But I have HUGE issues being proud of my bisexuality. I am so convinced that bisexuality is somehow lesser, that I’m not really queer or I’m just saying I’m bi to look cool (even though I love women! And nb people! I love them and I fantasise about them and I have been dating my girlfriend for nearly two years!) and I’m ashamed to admit that when bi women speak for the queer community my first thought is like ‘yeah but you’re not really queer’ And that’s awful! And totally about me and how I view myself! And I hate it I hate it I hate it! I don’t understand how I’ve internalised so much biphobia from within the gay community!!! And from straight people!!!!!! I’m so convinced by rhetoric that says I as a bi woman am barsexual or in between or gay for attention or half gay!!!! I hate it!!!

(I don’t have the same feelings about bi men and I think that’s because I’m not a bi men!!! but also the rhetoric used to invalidate bi men is very different in my experience and leans much more on the idea that bi men are actually gay and bi women are actually straight so that might also be why I find it much easier to consider bi men 'properly queer’ off the bat. which is messed up but there you are)

Idk it feels like I need a lot more telling that my whole identity is valid, not just the 'straight part’ or the 'queer part’. Like I KNOW my identity as a wlw is valid and I KNOW my identity as a woman who likes dudes is valid but it’s the intersection of those two that gives me bother. Especially since I’m also poly and dating both men and women at once. I’m very tired of any talk about bisexuality specifically ending up being about semantics or whether I’m really pansexual because being bi is transphobic (it isn’t and nor does it exclude being attracted to nb people) or about wlw or mlm in general or about what percentage of queer oppression we’re entitled to have suffered (I’m looking at you, dyke discourse) and it just. It doesn’t help with my core problem which is that it’s super hard for me to come to terms with the nature of my bisexuality. Also exclusionary queer politics are SUPER not helping because what that tells me is that there’s a big chunk of the community that REALLY CARES if you’re queer enough for them. It’s exhausting and even if bisexuals are queer enough for the sake of lgbt queer-is-a-slur rhetoric we all know that the b and the T are only acceptably queer when it’s convenient.