#i'm sure it added at least 10% more enjoyment to my reading experience

[biggy-habes]

So another year came to an end. But not just the end of a year, but the end of the decade! The '10s have come to an end. With the end of every year there is always a reflection. What happened? What was great? What really sucked? What could I have done differently? What do I hope for in the new year? Well, this was not just a single year but an entire decade to process! In the past 10 years I have lived in 3 different states. I've worked 4 different jobs. And like a typical drifter, I am a bit private with my past. I seem to just appear at a new job in a new state every couple of years and apart from some lingering drama I seem to have an undisclosed past. There are many of you who did not know me before I came to North Carolina. There are quite a few of you who did not know me before I was in recovery. And only a few of you who knew me before I lived in New York (the first time). I have lived several lives and have displayed countless shades of personality. Well, here is your chance to catch a glimpse of what my life has been like. Well, for these past 10 years anyways. The ups, the downs, the shitty heartaches, and the bitchin' experiences. A lot has happened and my memory is absolutely horrible, so I will recruit the assistance of my timeline on The Facebook and a few Spotify playlists. I have added a few songs to give a soundtrack as you are reading. I carefully selected these to be specific to the time period as well as where I was during that era. So now, here is a walk down memory lane. The Tens of Haber.

I welcomed 2010 in at a 12 Step Recovery function in Lawton, Oklahoma. I had recently moved back to Lawton after spending a year working in Washington, DC. You see, I had grown roots while stationed in Oklahoma during my time in the service. Life apparently felt like that I needed a second tour, but this time as a civilian. I had carried a lot of emotional baggage with me from my year living in Maryland, and I believed that running and starting a new life was the best course of action. When I returned to Lawton I was losing my mind. I was straight off my rocker! I was at the height of one of my worst mental breakdowns. I recently moved back to Lawton, Oklahoma. By choice. From Maryland. Yeah. See the previous statement. Anyways,  I was waist deep in 12 step programs and played a very active role in my local Narcotics Anonymous group. But one thing that I had always had was a weakness for women. I would fall hard for girls that I had no business being with. At this particular time I was messing around with girls from the local halfway house. And I was getting the results that you may expect. I had fallen hard for a girl named "Lori" (no need to drag her real name into this), who I allowed to tear into my life and my heart like a goddamn tornado! She had recently started coming to meetings after ending up how most addicts end up in the rooms. The courts. She was what you would refer to as "adorable". Short dark hair that seemed to reflect light with its shine. She had deep, sultry blue eyes with long, fluttering eyelashes. When she started to show attention to me I was immediately became hooked. When things came crashing down and my heart got crushed I started sliding down the slippery slope of sanity. Fortunately I had an amazing friend, Nicole, who lived in Oklahoma City. Nicole is one of the most enjoyable people that I have had in my life. We briefly dated and she has played an incredibly important role in my story!  I have so many wonderful stories and experiences involving us. Stories that I will save for another post.

 Anyways, Nicole and I share the same birthday, and we both love to go big so we both took a trip to Boston to celebrate my 31st birthday. As it turns out the Yankees were in town so I fulfilled a lifelong dream of watching the Sox and Yankees play in Fenway Park! We got lost in downtown Boston and had to find our way back to our hotel using public transportation in the middle of the night. Nicole, who has lived in Oklahoma all of her life, got to get a wonderful glimpse of the not-so-nice parts of South Boston. It was a great birthday weekend for the both of us.

 I got back from our trip with a clear head and I decided to get my ass back in school. I remained active in my NA group (shoutout to Different Way in Lawton, OK! That place was my home for a long time!)  I may appear salty sometimes when speaking of my time in NA, but recovery mad a lot of positive changes in my life. One of those changes was gracing me with the motivation to complete my Bachelor's Degree. My apartment was an 8 minute ride away from the local university (Cameron University…GO PIONEERS, BITCHES!!!). I was able to focus my energy on studying. I have always had a knack for school, and I really enjoyed studying psychology and sociology so I was easily able to focus on my schoolwork. I was working a side job as a per diem psychometrist for a neuropsychologist named Dr. Hamil. I have so much credit to give to him for taking me on as a mentor. He saw something special in me. He saw talent. And I was happy to work for him whenever he needed me to. I was taking a lot of trips to Oklahoma City for testing assignments in assisted living facilities. And to be honest I was making a decent amount of scratch doing it. Now my full time job was working with the trainees going through Fort Sill that were having a difficult time adjusting to military life. On slow days I would have plenty of opportunity to work on the testing data that I had collected over the weekend. One day while scoring testing paperwork that I had sprawled all over my desk there was a knock on my office door. It was the chief of the clinic giving a potential psych tech the grand tour.  "Mr. Haber, I would like you to meet one of the interviews for the tech position." She was slim and stylish, with long, dark hair and a smile that seemed to radiate comfort. And that was the first time I laid my eyes on the woman who I would eventually ask to be my wife. She extended her warm, slender hand. "Hello! I'm Amanda."

Our first encounter was short and sweet. And to be honest, it really did not leave much of an impact. A few months would pass before I would learn that she was hired. So this would be the first time that Amanda would actually enter into my life. By the time she was hired I was back working at the main behavioral health clinic on Fort Sill. I shared an office with several other psych techs. At any one time there could be 8 or more of us fighting over a computer. I walked into the clinic and was told a crop of newbies had started. I went in to introduce myself. And there she was. I reintroduced myself and blushed a little when she told me that she remembered me from our first encounter. We commenced with the getting-to-know-you chit chat. As the weeks went on we talked more and more, and flirting began. She knew about my side job in the city and asked if she could sit in on a session with me to learn more about what I do. So one night after work her and I drove to OKC for a 4 hour testing session with an ADHD child who was bouncing all over the room. Afterwards we stopped at McDonalds on our way back to Lawton and shared a 20 piece Chicken McNugget (because yo boy Haber is classy!). I would later find out that she had no interest in learning about psychometry. She just wanted a reason to spend time with me. Anyways, while driving back I mentioned that MC Hammer was going to be at the Oklahoma State Fair and if she would like to go. And that, my friends, is how my relationship with Amanda began. At an MC Hammer concert! In TRUE Haber form!

Eventually Amanda and I started dating. And it was incredible! She was a great woman. And she was great for me. When we had met I was going through a lot of internal strife, and being with her was calming me down. That November, after discussing the idea with Amanda (and after we got back together following a HUGE argument and eventual "break") we decided to adopt a pup. I went to the pound on Fort Sill. I walked down the row of cages and looked at every one of the hopeful pups. I stopped at this scrawny auburn-colored little shit who was barking as loud as he could as he put on his meanest look. But there was something in his eyes that told me that he has been in some shit and he was just needing someone to love him. I could relate to that. I asked the Poundtender (I'm really not sure what the manager of a pound would be referred to as, so we will go with this) about him and he told me that he was surrendered by an elderly couple for being too aggressive. I asked if I could take him for a walk in the yard. I sat on the grass and reached out my hand and he timidly came over to me, not certain whether to trust me or not. This was all it took for me. On November 8, 2010, I took Fennie into my home and into my life. Which means that it has been him and I for an entire decade!  Women and jobs would come and go, but he has remained by my side through all of it. He truly is my Ryde or Die!

The winter this year was unusually harsh in Oklahoma. It seemed as if at least once a week work was closed due to ice and snow. I was living in a shitty 1 BR apartment on the borders of the Lawton hood and the heat just was not capable of handling the cold temperatures for so long. There were several days where Amanda, Fennie, and I would just huddle around the fireplace and turn the oven on to keep us warm. December rolled around, and we were still in the still-kinda-dating-but-not-sure-where-this-is-going phase so I chose to spend Christmas with my family. My sister had been living in Georgia at the time and my mother had recently moved up there as well. Two days before to make the long drive to Atlanta I received a call from an old friend Jake. Jake and I had worked together at a treatment center in Tampa. He informed me that a mutual friend of ours, Emilio, was reported missing. Emilio was a gentle soul who, like most of us that got deep in the drug lifestyle, had his share of demons. But he was a kind and fair man who had a heart that was filled with love for others. He was a new daddy and one night he just vanished. While walking into Moe's to have dinner with my family Jake called to let me know that Emilio's body had been found. I will never forget that Christmas. I sat in front of my loaded burrito with a dazed feeling all over my body. Emilio was a remarkable human being, and the world lost a great man the day that he was taken from us.  

2011 began with Amanda and I…well…shit was getting kinda real.  

Amanda and I ended up making the decision that I would move into her apartment. The reasoning that she gave was that it would be more economical, but I am sure that her being afraid of staying at my shitty apartment played a major role.  Around this time I also started getting an itch to do something more with myself. I was one year away from completing my Bachelors degree and I was starting to question what I was going to do with myself now that I had no schoolwork to complete or classes to attend. This was when the idea came to me….BAM! I am going to become Dr. Haber! So this was when I made the decision to pursue my PhD in Psychology.  If I had only known how much of an uphill climb the next 3 years would be on me because of this decision, perhaps I would have reconsidered. I developed a plan of action. I would boost my vita with extracurricular positions and accolades. I was asked to join the psychology honor society and attend the Psychology Club meetings. I worked with an outstanding neuropsychologist and mentor named Dr. Jason Albano, who pushed me to be the best PhD candidate that I could possibly be. I would spend hours in his office just asking for direction and recommendations. He suggested that I take the Psychometrist Certification exam, the gold standard in the field of psychometry. Dr. Albano would help me find time to study and my colleagues were an invaluable resources.

I will get more into the certification exam. But first, I am aware that I dropped a bit of a twist earlier with the Starting Attending Mass Again comment. As you could probably deduct from my postings on The Facebook that this just ain't me! Well, let me tell you about my Catholic Jon phase. Gowing up I attending Mass every Sunday with my grandfather. This was mostly due to the fact that he would buy me McDonalds afterwards. I never really had a strong belief in a god. Even as a kid I remember reading my CCD workbook and would think "Hey, wait a second. Something does not add up."  It was once I got sent to rehab that I slowly started to build a belief in a higher power. We would get taken to 12 Step meetings and I would hear everyone talk about how you can't make it in recovery without a Higher Power. So, I guess I better get one of those! So I would work with my sponsor and talk about it at meetings and eventually I had some sort of Higher Power of my own. It hit all of the qualifications that they told me. It was loving. It was forgiving. It was greater than me. Cool cool cool. Let's go full speed ahead with this whole recovery thing. It wasn’t until I started seeing a girl named Jill in Oklahoma that I was able to call it by the name God. I would attend church with her and one day I decided to go up and get "saved". And ever since then I started learning more about Christianity and my idea of God would change as I grew. I started going back to Mass after encouragement from a friend who was heavily into the Catholic Life. One thing about me is that I latch onto something and go deep into whatever that might be. Catholicism was no different. Before too long I was absorbing anything involving Catholic Dogma that I could get my hands on. Every night I would pray the Rosary. During Lent I would practice self-mortification. When Amanda and I started she started attending Mass with me and it became a fairly strong bond in our relationship. She was accepting of my zeal towards my beliefs at the time and would support me however she could. This was something that I would eventually take for granted, and what would be a major factor in the demise of our relationship.

And that is where I will end this chapter. I will get further into all of the changes that 2011 would bring. I will label this period the "Amanda Era".

Now I will say that there was a lot of heartache involved in the ending of our relationship. However, I will only write about her in a positive light. She played a very important role in my story, and there were so many great memories in my story that involved her. At this point time has faded most of the hurtful memories and the good ones are what remained. So stayed tuned for the next chapter where we will tag along with Amanda and Jon on their journeys around the country.