#i'm still trying to process how and why he is the most attractive thing ever to me--and failing

[dock57]

Do I Choose to be Embarrassing Today? Perhaps.

[Well, possibly embarrassing for me to say out loud. I am, a shy fan, not going to lie- so often I don't really post a lot about what I love about a series. I often sit in the back, trying to find the perfect moment to escape through the back door before anyone can see how flustered I can get. This blog is the first fan blog I have ever made.

Anyway, this was not exactly what I was planning on talking about today, but, now its on my mind, consuming it.

Monkey Wrench is an adult show. An adult show I appreciate that gives us characters I would absolutely take on a date as well. I am a hopeless romantic...

So where am I going with this? I'm going to list what I find attractive, like, and reasons why I would date Beebs or Shrike.

Only those two, because they're the ones I would date the most. Everyone has their different tastes and attractions, so don't think I am saying that the others are not dateable, that would be a lie. Just two are my taste.

Shrike still needs work, let's be honest. I do mean in character development as well. Shrike as I would describe right now is going through his "rebellious" phase at a later age. He's the type I would be interested in, but, would really encourage to clean up his act before he considers a deeper bond, no one is going to fix him, that's his own work, and he needs to realize that before he thinks of going into a committed relationship. If he does.

The funny thing about my interest in Shrike- is that physical appearance wise- I am not really attracted to. I like to call Shrike my only "Twink Husband." Because he is. Though, I also would not really call him a typical twink either- A twink is more than just the looks.

Really it is Shrike's character that attracts me.

Shrike is humorous. Yes as a character he is supposed to be. He does end up usually being the one to be the end of a joke. I know there are times when Shrikes tries to be funny, and times when he is not- but I cannot help but to find Shrike cute when he is accidently funny. I find most of the time that Shrike focuses too hard on being someone he is not- and the times when he is more himself, are the times I think that when he is funny- in a good way. I mean let's be honest, anyone who is being themselves, is way better than being who they are not, especially if being themselves is harmless. I also would like to add that Shrike can make some pretty funny jokes at time. I think of the one when Beebs and Shrike are caught up by everyone in Ghost Egg at the Shuttle Station. I know there might be better examples, but I find what he said here to be funny to me.

I also need to add this part when they arrive to the station and Shrike is strolling along like this. In general, Shrike is just a goofy fellow, sometimes I wonder if he knows that.

2. I love when he is passionate about what he loves. This can be done to an extreme, but I think Shrike's passion is just the right amount of being healthy. I love how Shrike is passionate about what he holds close to him- I like that in people. I think not having a deep passion in interests can be a bit concerning, as I feel like that there could be an issue of being passionate to another as well. I enjoy the moments when Shrike speak about his interests and the excitement in his voice for them. I think that Shrike can also slowly learn to become passionate for others in their interests, even at the end of Us & Them when Shrike tries to attempt to play his acoustic guitar again for Beebs.

3. Is Shrike caring? Its in process. Shrike is considered to be selfish and pretty irresponsible. This is something I cannot turn blind to. He uses the company's money on irresponsible costs such as the Bucket becoming red, and of course blowing it at the Casino.As for being selfish, it usually is for when he looking for any opportunity to get money, which, doing favors and expecting money from it, is a selfish desire. Such as when in Us & Them, they response to the distress call. Beebs says "We should check it out-" Shrike points to Beebs' wrist and says "There could be money in it for us~"

You can also say he is selfish in Lythop Liberation as well, as Shrike only seem to start going after Dr. Agnes after she throws his Ship. As he does say "Grind up an entire species on your own time! But when you wreck MY ship... IT GETS PERSONAL!" Though, at the same time, Shrike does care about them being grinded beforehand as well as Shrike does shout out "WH-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN'?" after they were put in the blender. This is why I say he is caring, but in process- it is definitely something he is starting to develop. I think Shrike is a caring person but does not show it really from the outside. I think he does it more through motives. I mean, I would love to do a post more in-depth about this scene in particular, but

The tension, the expression. This is what I mean when I think Shrike does care. He does try to help. But, he doesn't always make the right choice to do so. Shrike does respect Beebs and really has shown to care about him. Even earlier in the episode in Plague Walkers when Shrike is at the bar with Ricket- he only praised Beebs.

I believe that Shrike can become a caring person, I think as of right now, he needs the right push and motivation to do so. So although a process, a caring guy? Who starts to think about others and their interests too? Yeah I think that's a good trait to have.

As of right now, Shrike is a loser. A very lovable loser. One who I also love because I think Shrike might be the type to reflect on himself as time goes on and be open to change as it continues in the series.

Or, that's what I wish for- who knows?

Well then you have Beebs.

Beebs is definitely more of my type when it comes to physical attraction. I like the bigger guys, but its so rare to find good ones in media...

I appreciate Monkey Wrench for going with the approach of Beebs not being the stereotype for fat characters, especially fatter males. Usually they're the ones to be the joke in the end of the day, and not good jokes I might add, usually referring to their shape. Other times, usually fatter males are also just either the evil character arch types or the annoying ones, making them even more unappealing.

So Beebs is such a nice fresh of breath air from media. I have no idea if the creators were even trying, but they did make Beebs attractive, and as I said, not just physically, but as a character as well. I am so glad that Beebs breaks the norm for fatter males.

Oh that's a Caring man, all right. Oh we all know that Beebs is caring, as well as being sentimental. There are so many examples where Beebs shows it. Even if Norbert was annoying, Beebs cared about how they present themselves to him, especially when Shrike was threating to shoot him- Beebs tried to be reasonable and take the time to understand Norbert. Of course in Lythops Liberation, we know he cares about those little guys and what happened to Punti. We know even in Us & Them, that Beebs through out the whole episode tried so hard to think about others, not just their wellbeing but even their feelings as well.

Even though Us could have propose as a threat, Beebs took the time to know them first before making a judgement call- he tries to see the best in everyone. He cares to listen first, he cares about others and shows it through words and actions as well. I love that so much in a man- I think that's something everyone can agree is something that everyone should be.

2. Strong. I know I know, a overrated one. But look, I love me a strong man, especially when the strong type is. done right. I am not going to go over in details about how being physically strong in media is portrayed often incorrectly. Because what we are taught to be "strong" is not the strong you want. Now, will say that not all larger males are just magically strong, its a combination that often overlook. Beebs is the combination of fat and muscle that actually creates a strong character physically. He is what strong is. Of course he is strong as well when it comes to mentally. I give Beebs an applaud for not losing it yet... I bet it is exhausting. He has a good head on his shoulders and manages to keep it together in the most stressful of situations. But he also is strong when it comes to not reacting as well, or returning a reaction. Such as in Plague Walkers when Ajax wanted Beebs to turn back for what he said about his mother- and I KNOW Beebs was really the urge, he still managed to walk away and leave until Ajax comes after him. Though, every strong man- I hope knows- need a time to break down and let it out too...

You Know- You Know...

3. Responsible. And a good thing to counter Shrike who right now- is not. Really who doesn't like a responsible person? Not just getting tasks done, but even when it comes to admitting their mistakes, flaws, or actions. Beebs has been through a lot, and although he is not sure where he fits in the galaxy, Beebs has learn a lot already. From what I watch, I think Beebs has experience of what its like to see when his actions catch up, or when to take up on a task and not. He also questions or steps in when he knows what should be done and not, such as when Dr. Agnes blended the Lythops. Even though Mercs are not suppose to ask questions, Beebs definitely knows when its time to step in and decide between what is morally right and wrong. It is a bit hard to say what happened to Beebs and in his past, but he definitely carries whatever he did with regret, and knows that even he's not 100% clean himself. For all we know, he might be wanting to try and kindle that past, or not, even if running away can be seen as irresponsible, I think Beebs had a good reason, and a reason that may have been a question of moral choices. I think what I am trying to say is that, I find that Beebs is self aware of his own character and is also trying to improve himself as well. Beebs know he is flawed, and is trying to work on himself as well. I like that in a guy...

Beebs also has some work to do, but at least he is aware of it. Still though, I love Beebs and how they did such a good job at making him attractive, despite not being the particular and common types that would draw attention. Beebs is attractive for overall just being a really well thought out character who has good morals and traits, something that be rare to find...

Well, that was a long post. I'm going to now hide behind this screen by putting Tumblr off to side where I can't see it for now. Hope you guys, enjoy! And tell me if there is anything else that you guys think also makes them dateable...]

[aziraphales-library]

Hi!!! Do you have any fics where aziraphale is famous and crowley's just a "nobody"? preferably without explicit scenes, please :)) thank you so so much <3<3

Hello! We have a #famous aziraphale tag. Here are some fics in which Aziraphale is famous and Crowley is not. I could only find a couple of non-explicit fics, I'm afraid, but I'm pretty sure the smut is minimal/skippable in most of these...

First Thing In The Morning by FeralTuxedo (E)

Aziraphale Fell, erstwhile nerd, now successful fantasy author, is signing books at this year’s Heaven and Earth convention when he spots a red-headed man in the crowd. Someone he hasn’t quite been able to forget since his school days. And as luck would have it, Anthony Crowley, former troublemaker, now responsible adult, seems keen to reconnect.

Pride Month and Prejudice by TawnyOwl95 (E)

They say that you should never meet your celebrity crush. Especially when you know what an absolute bastard he is. So, of course, Anthony J. Crowley's participation in a queer adaptation of Pride and Prejudice for Pride Month has nothing to do with the involvement of A-lister A.Z. Fell. Crowley is only doing it so he has some gossip for his column. He didn't mean to get cast as Lizzy Bennet, he certainly didn't mean to be acting opposite Fell's Mr Darcy. And to make matters worse, Fell keeps staring at him...

Veni Vino Vegas (I Came, I Got Drunk, I Got Married) by A_N_D (T)

After a whirlwind drunken evening, author Az Fell came home from Rom-Con without his heirloom pinkie ring – but with a wedding license from a 24-hour Las Vegas chapel. Elsewhere, book fan Tony Crowley woke up with a hangover, vague memories, and a brand new ring he’s only seen in author photos. Mutually attracted, mutually terrified the other one thinks it was all a regrettable mistake, they turn to their dear but anonymous online friend to vent and ask for advice. …Maybe they should tell each other their screennames someday.

and now all of my garden is grown in lavender by ilikeblue (E)

Popular queer romance author, A.Z. Fell, has been lying about having a husband and a happy marriage for years. Longing to escape a string of failed relationships and looking for a fresh start, Aziraphale moves into the cottage left to him by his Great Aunt Agnes. When a TV adaptation of one of his books leads to sudden popularity and throws him into the limelight, his fans (and the press) are eager to catch a glimpse of Aziraphale's own mysterious leading man. Unfortunately, he still has to cast someone for that role. Enter the handsome gardener… Under Crowley's meticulous care the cottage's neglected garden slowly comes back to life, and Aziraphale finds himself writing the most important love story he'll ever write: his own

Once upon a time by elf_on_the_shelf (E)

‘Hello, my dear.’ Crowley bit his lip for a couple of seconds before he took a deep breath and just went with it. ‘Would you like to go for a coffee sometime?’ There was silence at the other end. Oh shit. ‘That was my friend messing around with my phone…?’ ‘You do realise that only works over text.’ ‘Myeah.’ Why was he like this? He had wanted to kill Bea for doing the same thing and yet here he was, doing the thing. At Bea’s behest, mind you. ‘I would love to go for coffee. Oh, and cake!’ Aziraphale is a very rich and successful writer. Crowley is at the worst possible moment of his life - living off Bee's couch and posting his mum's fairy tales on some random sites only to be ignored by everyone except one random person simply called A. This is a story about how both of our main protagonists get over the ghosts of their pasts, learn to work together and maybe - just maybe - fall in love in the process. Not to mention that all of the characters that we love (hate - looking at you, Gabe) make an appearance.

The Infernal Bodyguard by Santillatron (M)

Alistair Zira Fell is a popular author. Loved by everyone he meets. Well, almost everyone. Someone is trying to hurt him, and right now, he needs a bodyguard. Anthony J. Crowley is the best, although he doesn't work with celebrities. He has three rules. He never gets too close, never stays once the job is done, and Never Gets Involved. But this isn't a thriller. This, is a love story.

- Mod D

[celestiababie]

svt reaction to accidentally overstimulating you until you squirt

love ur stuff btw!

A/N: I'm going to assume that you meant this for svt since I pretty much only write for them at this point. If not, please send another specifying who it was for and I'll redo it. I didn't really edit this, so I'm sorry if it's shit. ANYWAYS, I hope you enjoy it!!! Feedback is appreciated!

Seungcheol: He'd instantly want to make you squirt again, but you'd make sure you had a breather before how tries again. Lowkey becomes obsessed with pushing you to your limits.

"Fuck Y/n, you're making such a mess for me, baby."

Jeonghan: Honestly, it would surprise him more than he'd care to admit. He was just focused on finger fucking you and didn't think he was doing anything extraordinary, but similar to Seungcheol...he'd want to see if you could do it again. Might become a menace in the process.

"You can do it again, right, angel? C'mon, give it to me." Ugh I can see the smirk on his face already.

Joshua: He'd honestly take a moment to process what just happened but would be so sweet if you got embarrassed because of what happened. He'd ask if it was too much and offer to change the sheets for you while you take a bath. But don't be fooled by his sweet response because he'd definitely bring it up again in innuendos and tease you for it in the future.

Jun: He isn't quite sure how it happened, but he seems like the kind of guy that would be into it already? But he just wouldn't mention it to you or try anything in particular to get you to squirt. But now that he knows it's possible...he'd ask to see if he can make you do it again.

Soonyoung: Gets really giddy over what just happened. So much so that he doesn't fully realize how spent you are and once he calms down a bit, he'd be rushing to give you the best aftercare in the entire world. Would be cuddling you and then all of a sudden ask you questions about it.

"Did you feel good?"

"It felt good, right?"

"We can do it again if you want."

Wonwoo: This man already researched and has the knowledge stored away in his brain somewhere. But, he would never intentionally try, he was just so lost in the look on your face and how much you were moaning that he wouldn't realize he was subconsciously doing those things he read about. If you were confused or embarrassed, he'd give you a brief (unnecessary) explanation as to why that happened. He'd be really into it and want to see if all the other methods he read about worked just as well.

Jihoon: Will write a song about wanting to drown in your love with the most innuendos you've ever seen. I'm kidding, mostly. No but in all seriousness, it would trigger a cockiness in him that would be so fucking attractive. Ugh whenever he felt like getting an ego boost from now on he'd just roll up his sleeves and finger fuck you until you're screaming his name and drenching his fingers.

Dokyeom: I see him as someone who's normally sweet and very intimate during bed so he would be so entranced in the feeling that he wouldn't realize he was overstimulating you until he felt an unfamiliar pressure around his cock that would force him to pull out and thus causing you to squirt. Man would be silent, wide eyed in SHOCK, but still so turned on and desperate to cum for you that he'd ask if you wanted to keep going.

Mingyu: He's very eager to please and often gets lost in the undeniably incredible feeling of making his favorite person feel good so I'm not surprised he overstimulates you fairly often. But when he makes you squirt for the first time, it would trigger the curious experimentalist in him. After you fall asleep (after much needed aftercare) he would be on his phone all night to look up more ways to make you squirt and tell you all about his findings in the morning with the most excited look on his face.

Minghao: I think he's very in tune with his body as well as his lover's body so I find it surprising if he accidentally overstimulated you...he's too aware for that...but he would caress your body after making you squirt, trying to calm your body and bring you back down to earth with him. He'd give you all the time you needed to stop shaking from the aftershocks of pleasure, whispering loving and soothing words throughout the entire time. I feel like he'd really be into observing what his partner looks like when they cum and after they cum.

Seungkwan: Tries to be nonchalant and act like what just happened didn't boost his ego massively but you could see him literally grinning to himself as he cleaned the sheets. Will definitely want to make you do it again another time but is slightly nervous he just got very lucky and won't be able to move his fingers the same way.

Vernon: "Oh wow." That's it. Kidding (not really) This man would be so frozen just staring at the mess while you tried to calm down. You'd finally noticed him staring and if you started apologizing it would immediately break him out of whatever spell he was under and he'd reassure you that he found it hot...like really hot. Kind of a new fetish for him.

Chan: Becomes an annoying menace who thinks he's a sex god, but it's okay because he's really hot when he's confident and feeling himself. Would tease you for it in the future and probably bring it up when you're being intimate.

"Wait, should we lay down a towel? You made such a mess last time, babe."

A fairly reasonable question, but the smirk he'd have on his face would reveal his true intentions.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Epiphany, Pt. 9

Some time has passed, Sheppard appears to have healed and is at the very least fully dressed (very likely in Avrid's clothes, or the clothes of who ever Hedda's father had been), and we see him step outside into the village for what might be the first time. Avrid is there to receive him, literally with open arms, and sounds happy to see him. He smiles, and we can also hear the smile in his voice. There are people toiling all around them, most of them seeming to be young and attractive and dressed in flowing, airy clothes in earthy colours (the red-white colour scheme may not be an accident given the many references in the episode to Through the Looking Glass). While it is not clear whose house and bed Sheppard had found himself in or whose house he lives in for the remainder of his stay here, it is obvious that he thinks of himself as Avrid's guest here. Avrid is his context. It is to Avrid that he turns for answers now.

Avrid: I'm glad you're feeling better. Welcome to your new home. Sheppard: Avrid... I'm happy to visit and I'm grateful for the food and the whole healing thing, but... do you know the way out of here? Avrid: There is no way to leave, John, other than to ascend. Sheppard: What exactly do you mean by "there's no way"?

So, we may note that while Sheppard and Avrid stand further apart from each other than Sheppard and McKay often do when engaged in conversation, Sheppard does have his whole body turned toward Avrid which indicates that at least on some level he is attracted to the man. We may also note that Sheppard uses his name here, telling us both that he had filed the name off as something to remember and that he wishes to establish rapport between them by using it. And while Sheppard feels like he has places to be, he does express his gratitude for Avrid having saved him even as he was trying to save Avrid, which we may recall is something that also happened between Sheppard and McKay.

Avrid also uses Sheppard's name, and this is something that we did not get to witness, Sheppard saying his name to them. We do not know how he introduced himself, whether it was just as John or as Colonel John Sheppard. What ever it was, Avrid uses his given name which makes their interaction instantly seem more intimate. They both seem to use the other man's name wishing to establish a connection. And while we do not get to hear McKay call Sheppard John for a long time, it is likely that at this time McKay had been calling him John in private for a while now. Avrid does not physically resemble McKay, being taller than Sheppard, lean and with a full head of hair, and even looking at his disposition he seems almost to be like the opposite of McKay. He actually more resembles Sheppard himself, which may explain this instant rapport between them. But there is still something similar to McKay in how they interact, the ease and familiarity of it.

Sheppard starts walking toward the central square of the village probably having no idea where he is actually heading, not having a destination but only a need to move about, and Avrid takes on after him because by asking him questions Sheppard indicated that he wished to continue the conversation. But Sheppard grinds to a halt as soon as he processes Avrid's words. He does not like the sound of this.

Avrid: That is the sole purpose of this place, to meditate upon ascension and one day join those who created the Sanctuary. Sheppard: The thing is, I've got other plans. Avrid: Then why did you enter the portal?

A few things to note here. First, there is a steaming cauldron here between the two of them that is symbolic of heat, and we may note that Sheppard is definitely not looking at any of the beautiful women around them, his attention focused entirely on Avrid and looking for the exit, which is why he seems to be moving around restlessly. But his body language here is actually reminiscent of McKay: his hand freezes in place as he tries to process what Avrid is telling him, something we have seen McKay do as he dissociates (or is otherwise interrupted in the middle of a thought). But as soon as Sheppard snaps out of it, he curls his hand into a fist and rubs his thumb against it, which is something that McKay frequently does when he is either anxious or turned on.

While Sheppard had already indicated that he dislikes the ascended, it is also made abundantly clear during this episode that he does not enjoy meditation. While in Avrid, Teer and Hedda, the whole trio of them, Sheppard is presented with something that he really wants, which is a family that will never leave him and that would be with him always, his experiences here show him how fuzzy the line between dreams and nightmares can be, how easily a dream can tip into a nightmare. Ascension may be something that most people should want to achieve and that Sheppard's own ancestors had sought to do, but what Sheppard wants is something altogether different.

And it is interesting he makes reference to having plans here. Sheppard has plans, he has things that he wants to do on the outside (and given the mention of Beckett and Cadman's date "tomorrow night" later, it could even be that Sheppard had actual plans). In saying this, he is not offering to share any of his plans with Avrid, merely making a wisecracking remark here, but at the same time, the notion had to come from somewhere. There are things he desires to have in life, and every one of those things involves McKay.

Sheppard: Well, call it a mistake. I tried to stop it but the damned thing sucked me in. Avrid: Those that came before us made certain that there could be no indecision. Once you set foot within the Sanctuary, your path was chosen. Sheppard: Not by me!

First thing to note is that Sheppard does not seem to blame McKay for what had happened, but he also does not want to speak his name because speaking his name would force him to think about McKay, and that would just open a world of hurt for him that he would rather avoid for the time being. Usually Sheppard would be using the "we" form in recounting something like this but here he only talks about what happened to him, as though he had been alone by the portal. His people having been there with him is intel he is not ready to give these people yet. While Sheppard is the one to walk up front and Avrid follows after him, we may note that Sheppard turns back to look at him as they converse, wanting to be able to see the man's face. Because these people are close to ascension and seem to have the Ancient gene, it could be that there is communication happening between them beyond simple words.

Sheppard comes to a halt by the watering hole that is likely the heart of the village, and given that the camera focuses on Sheppard's reflection and shows him upside down, it seems to hark back both to the idea of this being the looking glass world where things appear upside down and inside out, and to water as a medium. While Sheppard keeps glancing back at Avrid, before he comes to a stop he also looks at one of the others, and the camera work here is excellent because it is left entirely ambiguous whether he was glancing at the woman in pink working in the background or the strapping young lad in red that was walking past them. There is more precedence for Sheppard looking at dudes (and even here he almost turns to look at him again as he passes but stops his head from turning the whole way), but it is left up to the viewer what they see here. And while he likely thought nothing of it, it just tells us that the people in the village are all exceptionally beautiful. Sheppard himself is the most haggard-looking person in the sanctuary.

What Sheppard says here may also have a metaphorical quality. We later learn that he had been married, and he could just as well be describing that here: it was a mistake, and he had tried to avoid it but the thing had sucked him in because it was what his father had wanted. Later in Outcast (S04E16), the story also penned by Joe Flanigan, we are told more about how Sheppard felt like his father had his whole life planned out for him; what school he should go to, what profession he should take up, which woman to marry, and he had tried to walk the path that had been chosen for him but was ultimately unable to do that because his heart was drawing him elsewhere. And the same plays out in this episode in miniature: Teer seems to have plans for Sheppard and keeps manipulating the environment to get him to do what she feels like he should do without consulting him and disregarding what he actually wants. They symbolically play out Sheppard's marriage and divorce in this episode, we are able to see hints of what very likely had inevitably led to his divorce by looking at what happens in this episode. It is clear that there was a backstory for Sheppard the actor was basing his portrayal of the character on, and that backstory involved Sheppard having been in love with a man before he got married--and based on this, it could very well have been Nancy's brother.

Avrid: Once you cross the threshold, you are committed to be here for the remainder of your days.

Avrid sounds both happy and positive as he tries to sell Sheppard on the idea that he is actually better off now that he is here, that it is not all bad once he accepts his new reality. On the symbolic level, this might resemble his father telling him that once he has committed himself to marriage, commitment means that he has to uphold his vows for the rest of his life, until death do them part. But what happens here, between Sheppard and Avrid, is pretty damn interesting. Avrid seems happy at first but as Sheppard processes all of this, as he mulls it over in his mind, he does not respond to Avrid, at least not verbally. Sheppard seems to be rather literally dumbstruck here. But we see Avrid look at him, he actually squints his eyes as he looks, he seems to search Sheppard's face and his countenance changes. Avrid sees something in Sheppard that displeases him and the searching look indicates it was something inside, in Sheppard's mind that he did not like to see.

Clearly Sheppard needed time to think about this, he probably wanted to be by himself, but he does not say or do anything that actually communicates this. But without a word being spoken, Avrid seems to read all of this off of Sheppard and he then just walks away without saying anything further. And we have to wonder whether Avrid's gift is not reading minds, reading people's thoughts in a much more tangible manner than that vague kind of-sort of telepathy we have seen hints of between people with the Ancient gene. And Sheppard is carrying such deep hurt within him, such longing, that it tracks that Avrid would want to get further away from him (that kind of negativity might compromise his own ascension). Sheppard does not want to be here for the remainder of his days.

McKay: Alright. Launch the probe on my mark. Three, two, one, mark. The probe's about to pass through the field. Stand by. Damn it! Beckett: What happened? McKay: Exactly what I was afraid would happen. The probe was ripped apart by tidal forces at the event horizon almost instantly. Beckett: So we can't fly through it and rescue Colonel Sheppard?

We get an interesting transition from Sheppard looking down at his own reflection in the water (through which he is also looking up at the sky above) to McKay's voice talking about launching the probe that, frankly, looks a lot like a sex toy, as the jumper flies above the sanctuary. These things are connected symbolically although they do not take place at the same time, as Sheppard's scene with Avrid probably happened when McKay was still flying the jumper back to Atlantis the first time. This also means that if there is some kind of a tether connecting Sheppard and McKay, Sheppard would likely have been unable to sense any connection to him back then even if he had been reaching out for him, feeling very much alone, which would have contributed to his despondent attitude.

McKay: Not unless we wanna be ripped apart too! Weir: Did you receive any telemetry before the probe failed? McKay: Hmm. Actually quite a lot. Looks like mostly gibberish, though. This is gonna take me the better part of an hour to go through.

While McKay would love nothing more than to fly the jumper right into the crater, what cannot be done cannot be done. Disappointed by the failure of the experiment, it takes Weir nudging him for him to even notice that they were able to receive a lot of information from beyond the veil in the short time there was a connection between the two parts of the probe on the opposite sides. And realizing it is going to take a while to make sense of it, McKay seems to want to start right away meaning that he probably needs the others to shut up. But what is interesting here is the way Weir looks at McKay. She narrows her eyes, and it is almost exactly the way Avrid was looking at Sheppard in the previous scene. Weir does not have the Ancient gene nor does she have any capacity for mind-reading but it could be that her reaction to McKay saying something that she did not want to hear was the same as Avrid's to Sheppard just thinking something that he did not wish to know.

And while Weir may be frustrated by the situation, it is not as though she is more keenly aware of the time passing than McKay is. He is working as fast as he can because he does not want Sheppard to have to spend one moment longer in the time dilation field than he has to; there is really no need to pass judgement on the way he is working here. It is possible that it is McKay's tone here that made her trip because he does not sound urgent but sounded rather like he was shutting them out. And we actually hear McKay close his device before the scene ends, probably signaling that he was about to turn around to start going through the data by himself. From his eyes that are reddish, gleaming, and looking up just the way Sheppard had been looking up at the cave ceiling when he was holding back tears, McKay may have needed a moment alone here that was not just for the purposes of concentration.

Continued in Pt. 10

[oceanlipgloss]

ICING ON THE CAKE

LEVIATHAN.

+ warnings: implicit suggestive themes, light angst, strong language.

+ female mc, feminine pronouns.

Is cold sugar a thing?

Some souls are like iced sugar. No objective, sane person would ever say—or so much as think, for that matter—that this man is sweet.

‘How the fuck could he be?’

That’s what they would wonder.

And they were right in that.

There are times, however, when a cold shoulder summons a sugar rush. Playing hard-to-get can be a cool game. Except, this man wasn’t doing that. That coldness, that scorn, it was crafted from something bitter.

A dark past.

Did they know? That he, too, had once upon a time been an innocent child—a pretty, clueless creature holding its bloated heart with small hands, showing everyone its tears.

Very early. He had gotten corrupted by life much too early. That’s why he had become so icy.

Actually...he could be sweet as well, in a sense.

She remembered the jewel in her wet palm. Its sparkle was once dimmed with his blood. He had risked his soul to keep a promise, to protect a gem.

Warmth is something he did possess.

But to believe he would not die, to have faith that he could not be killed...

How so very arrogant of him.

Then again, is childhood's darkness not to blame? Had it not told him that he would always survive? Had it not whispered temptations of immortality in his ears and promised him that he would never die?

Beauty makes some people feel like their head is underwater. It cuts out everything else in the brain for a minute. Snide beauty, on the other hand, it has even greater charms still.

The coldness is just icing on the cake.

Being beautiful is marvellous, but being unapproachable makes it even better, that much greater.

Lovely faces bring about good deals. Ethereal existences often tend to get away with many things. Molten hearts. Broken brains. Filthy souls. Violent murder.

It would be too boring if beautiful kings were easy to have. Enchanting someone like him and bringing him to his knees, why should it even be a piece of cake?

Forget the pleasure of a challenge.

He was a rare, most alluring specimen. He should be very difficult—near impossible—to reach. Taking hold of his fingertips alone should be treacherous.

One has to try hard to get even the most simple of things, so why should luring him in be easy?

Excited for the wait, burning for the process, desperate for the result.

So ironic, so fun.

Winning him over would not merely be a magical experience, but an ultimate, legendary accomplishment; she would try until his tongue on her lips marked them forever, until his sweat on her body shimmered like stardust.

Oh, but he already wanted her. Lust and attraction just turned into problem killers. Apparently, she wouldn’t have to wait that long, or even try that much.

+notes: the time for the last of my surviving ‘What in “Hell” is Bad?’ WIPs to take the stage has come. I don't quite know what I had in mind for this one, to be honest; it's been there for so long and has been really bothering me with its static presence for a while. And seeing that I had no clue about the direction it's meant to take, I finally decided to polish it a little, toss some word-vomit in, and simply put it up as is. It was either that or it's dead. I chose to salvage it, I guess. I thought it had potential and didn't want it to bid the world goodbye, yet I didn't know how I felt about it at first, though, and I'm too lazy and tired to find out—so it's whatever, I suppose lol but I think I like it. I'm just glad to have it off my hands and out of my notes because it was genuinely pricking my nerves :S

There are still a few more ‘What in “Hell” is Bad?’ WIPs each is only 1 line/2 lines long lol that I long ago scratched out of the equation, and those are annoying me very much too. I may either kill them off with regret (for some) and cold blood (for others), or post them someday soon/with time, but that's very unlikely. For now, however, I do not plan on writing anything new about the game's devils/angels—meaning unless I explicitly state in the notes within a ‘What in “Hell” is Bad?’ piece that an idea is new/recent, it's one of my old, buried WIPs revived and made into a finished fic.

[spoiler] also, this fic holds light inspiration from Leviathan's 'Bloodshed' story, particularly from the part in which Leviathan gives MC the magical jewel and it's implied that he got wounded so as to protect the jewel and keep his promise of gifting it to MC.

+ MASTERLIST

+ AO3 POST

©𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙡𝙞𝙥𝙜𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨

[theboywiththepurplesocks]

Okay so I am not going to write this, so I'm just going to share it here as a little nothing.

Also, this is NOT the BuddieTommy fic sitting in my drafts, this is just something that popped into my head 5 minutes ago.

Buddietommy (tangentially inspired by) Jupiter Ascending but with magic. Featuring the red string theory.

The first time Tommy kisses him, Buck feels the universe shift around him but brushes it off a general euphoria from being kissed and the surprise from this new self discovery.

After the break up and then the subsequent one night hook up/crash and burn the morning after, Buck has a reluctant realization that his feelings for Buddie are actually stronger than the normal friendship.

And the universe shifts again. Only this time it fully tilts and then folds in upon itself and then suddenly Buck is not in LA anymore.

Buck, Tommy, and Eddie have been pulled into another reality. A world where fantasy and science have melded together and people have obtained various psionic abilities boarding somewhere between the line of science fiction and fantasy.

The three are told that they are the new incarnations of the world leaders, the most powerful psionic users ever to live who rule as a triad, living, dying, and then reincarnating to be together for eternity.

Only this time, when the previous Triad died, instead of being recanated, their souls merely shifted to another reality, drawn by the shared connection between their alternate counterparts.

Their powers will grow as their connection to each other grows, eventually giving them near godlike abilities. In the meantime, the people need someone to rule them, and law dictates that only the Triad can rule.

Tommy is still not over what happened.

Eddie is deeply confused as to why he's here.

Buck discovers he has powerful empathetic and telepathic abilities.

The spirits of the previous Triad are haunting each of their counterparts respectively.

Eddie's counterpart pointing out to him the obvious attraction he has to Tommy and his affection for Buck so loudly that he can no longer ignore it or try and push it down. Encouraging him to act on his desires. Helping him to untangle any confusion and discovering new aspects of this identity.

Tommy's counterpart helping him feel connected to a people by teaching him about the world they are in and encouraging him to open up and talk to Evan.

Buck has to learn emotional control and discernment.

Buck's counterpart knows something about how his Triad died...or were murdered.

They meet alternate universe counterparts of the 118 and Harbor crew.

As their bond improves, Eddie develops telekinetic abilities that have the potential to alter things at the molecular level.

Tommy gets time based abilities. Speeding up or slowing down the aging process on objects and people.

The question arises about getting home to their friends and family. Eddie being worried about how long they've been gone and who is taking care of Christopher.

Tommy realizing that even though they've been gone for a while there probably isn't anyone he left behind that would even be missing him.

Tommy being filled with a desire to stay because he's needed here.

But Buck and Eddie need him, too.

[tupperwaretub]

Blood-Ridden(part 3)

Pairing:Top!Joel Miller x bottom!male!Reader(firefly)

Warnings: excessive drinking, trauma sharing, unprotected SMUT, mainly angst, a bit of drunken fluff. Fluffy end.

Summary: Joel invites you over to his place for a few drinks, you both end up drinking too much and doing some things you regret.

Part 2: here

----------------------

You and Joel have gotten really close since the incident with Charlie, he invites you around on Saturdays for a couple drinks to try and bring some normalcy and structure to the both of your lives, its been a year and admittedly its worked a charm, ever since you and Joel had started hanging out your intrusive thoughts had quieted down, still there... But you can ignore them.

Just like every week Saturday rolls around and you're letting yourself into Joels apartment, his apartment is a little more run down than you and Tommy's but you two tend to put some effort into the structural integrity Joel obviously doesn't care enough.

"Hey Joel." You greet him with a smile and he smiles back. "Hey y/n." You walk over to him and pull him into a hug which he reciprocates. When you both pull away Joel begins to speak "Me and Tess raided a liquor store on our last run outside the QZ, most of it went to buyers but i made sure to save enough for us." He says as he tugs up his floorboard where he keeps his contraband, he pulls out three bottles of liquor. "This'll last us a long time what d'you think?" He shoots you a glance. "Yeah definitely."

Joel turns to grab two glasses and you head for the couch, he joins you soon enough with a shot of liquor each. You clink your glass with Joel's and down it.

.............

You're not sure how long its been since your first drink, you're not sure when you and Joel decided the glasses weren't necessary and started drinking straight out the bottle. You're not sure when you finished that bottle and started on the second but you can tell it couldn't have been long ago because the bottle in Joel's hand is almost full. You direct your eyes to Joel's face, he's saying something.

"On outbreak day.. i lost my daughter." He hiccups "I fuckin' ... Uh.. she got shot by some fedra asshole.. and I.. I couldn't save her.." He wipes his eyes and takes a long swig from the bottle in his hand. "What 'bout you." His eyes lock with yours. "Huh?" You rub your eyes and try to sober up a little. "Did you lose anyone on outbreak day?" You look down at the couch you're sat on and remember daniel. "Yeah." Joels hand rests atop yours. "Tell me about them." You swallowed down your emotions the best you could and told him about Daniel, how you lost him. You had no idea you had started crying until Joel wiped your tears with his thumb. You both went silent for a while, the bottle of liquor set on the table while you basked in eachothers company.

"Y'know how i was a complete ass when we first met?" Joel says breaking the silence. "Uhh.. yeah." You reply swinging your head to face him. "I think... It was just because I found you attractive.." His words are slurred. You sit there and stare at the wall thinking of a response, your brain working slower than you want it to. "Do you still find me attractive?" You say with drunk confidence. "Yeah. I do." You shuffle closer to him and cup his face "why didn't you say sooner?" Your eyes meet and he frowns. "I'm scared... That if i confess things to people, and i get attached, they'll die and I'll have to go through the same grief i went through with sarah all over again." He blinks and a tear rolls down his cheek but you wipe it away. "Well I'm not going anywhere."

Suddenly Joels lips crash against yours and his hands land on your hips, when you process whats happening you sink into the kiss and your arms wrap around his neck. Joels hands slide to your ass and he hoists you onto his lap. He pulls away from your lips and starts kissing down your neck leaving a trail of light hickeys. You let out a surprised gasp as Joel stands up and carries you to his bed, he places you down and starts to fumble with his belt. You slide your pants and underwear down and kick them off and Joel finally unbuckles his belt and takes his pants and briefs off.

Joel pushes you down gently and pulls you into a messy kiss, your hands seek refuge in his soft hair. You pull apart and Joel slowly kisses down your neck, bringing his hand up to your lips his middle and index fingers gently poking for entrance. You take his fingers into your mouth and suck, knowing exactly where they're going next.

As soon as Joel was happy with how wet his fingers were he moved his hand down to your hole, they're a tight fit but the alcohol drowns out any discomfort. His head his still hidden in the crook of your neck as he kisses and sucks dark hickeys that you'll both regret "Joel." You whine, he doesn't even look up but he removes his fingers and replaces them with his cock.

The sex is rushed, careless, there isn't an ounce of intimacy behind either of your moments but more desperation, fear and want.

Joel finishes on your stomach and rolls over, hes fast asleep within the minute. You lay on your back as sleep slowly takes over, the alcohol acting as immunity to any regrets for now.

........................

The light was blinding as you made out the figure of a soldier, he can help. "hello! Hey! Over here! Please, we need your help my friend hes broken his arm and one of those crazy people bit him, he needs medical attention!" You shout towards the soldier. "hands up! Put your hands up!" The soldier exclaims, you both comply but Daniel is unable to reach both arms up.

"your friend, this guy here? He was bitten?" The soldier finally asks, lowering his voice but keeping his gun raised in your direction.

The soldier goes quiet, reaching towards his walkie and mumbling a few things, then finally saying "yes sir." He raises his gun once more now pointing it towards Daniel, and then that familiar bang echoed through your ears.

.........................

Your breath hitches and your eyes open wide to a view of Joel's ceiling, you slowly come back to reality and sigh as you kick your legs over the side of the bed and sit up - your head pounding away. You turn to see Joel's sleeping figure as you remember the events of last night.

Quickly and silently you collect together your belongings and leave Joels apartment, you don't want to be there to find out how he reacts.

Its still dark outside as you sneak your way back to you and Tommy's shared apartment, you find him awake getting ready for the day as you attempt to sneak through the door. Tommy practically jumps out of his skin.

"shit y/n! I thought you were at Joels.." he says with a sigh. "I was." You reply blankly as you place down your things and go into your room but Tommy is quick to follow, "Something happened. What?" He glances at your neck "Oh.. I see." "What? What do you mean?" Your hand covers the area Tommy had glanced at. "He was pretty rough?" He asks, not letting Joel's name slip from his mouth. "Ew Tommy stop it. I just want to forget about it." You rub your eyes and sit on the edge of your bed.

"so it was a mistake? I mean i get it my brother can be pretty charming I've seen him do -" Tommy begins to ramble. "No. Tommy, it wasnt a mistake. Not for me. But i don't know what Joel is going to think when he wakes up, fuck, we had something good going and one drink too many and now its gone." Theres a pause between the both of you before Tommy makes his way next to you and puts his hand on your shoulder. "If you don't wanna speak to him it's fine, I might be his brother but I'm your best friend. I wont make you talk to him." You turn to look at Tommy "thanks.." he shoots you a sympathetic smile before playfully shoving you and getting up. " So how hungover are you on a scale of 1 to 10."

You flop back and laugh "fuck Tommy, like a 9." He chuckles "gonna have to get through it today buddy. Come with me on tonights run we'll smuggle in some aspirin if we find any." You smile at him "thanks Tommy, how will i ever repay you."

"for now, by not dying on me but im sure somethin'll come up." He jokes and leaves the room to continue getting ready.

...............

It's been at least a month now since the night with Joel, Tommy has done a good job at helping you avoid him but you've heard from Tess that he's been looking around for you. You know its stupid to just keep hiding from him but your fear of what he could say gets the better of you and you keep avoiding him.

That was until one fateful day when you were sorting ammunition for Marlene when suddenly you heard commotion outside, before you could see what was going on Joel barged through the door looking pissed.

"shit y/n I'm sorry he just barged past me." Tommy apologises as he walks in past Joel. "It's fine Tommy." You and Joel stare at eachother before Joel finally speaks "we need to talk." His gruff voice gives you butterflies and you start to feel guilty for avoiding him. "While we're surrounded by guns?" "You gonna shoot me?" It sounds like a joke but his face says otherwise. "No. You gonna shoot me?" "No. So this works."

"i was thinking of having this conversation somewhere nicer.." you say directing your attention back to the work Marlene had set you, Tommy had left and shut the door a little while ago. "You were planning on having this conversation? When y/n? Because it really seems to me you've just been avoidin' this." Joel seems to have calmed down slightly but is clearly still incredibly angry. "I guess I was.."

"why y/n?" You were surprised by his forwardness as you didn't take Joel to be the kind of guy to want to have these kinds of conversations. Sober at least. "I don't know Joel.." "yeah you do, why've you been avoidin' me?" You settle down what you're doing again and face him, his face is relaxed but you know hes really anxious on the inside. "I don't know.. i guess i was scared." You admit looking down and fiddling with the hem of your shirt. "Of what ?.." Joel takes a few steps forward but stays a comfortable distance away. "Of you hating me, i was scared you'd wake up and tell me to get out or to never speak to you again. I didn't think it was a mistake but i was worried you would."

You see Joel's shoes enter your vision and you look up to see hes face to face with you with a almost loving look on his face. "I didn't think it was a mistake either." He leans in and places a kiss on your cheek. "Let me take you outside the QZ, I know a nice spot we could go to just the two of us?"

"Like a date?" You smile.

"Yeah.. like a date" He smiles back.

..................

A/n: Joel seems a little outa character in this one for me but also having him in character would make the story more complicated to make and my head can't handle complicated 😔 anyways hope you enjoyed can't wait to get to what i have planned for this series its gonna get a lot better trust.

[cobrafantasies]

Hello dear! I wanted to do the writer ask game thing. Could you please do either Do Over or Flip Flop for So, This Is Jealousy? If you do Flip Flop, I'd love the scene where they're trying to get Bucky to prove he can flirt and Bucky ends up saying "you're the most handsome guy I've ever seen in my life!" because I love that scene! But if you want to pick a different scene, I'd be happy with that, too, no pressure! Thank you <3

Hi! Thank you for the ask! lol, what a great scene, thanks for picking it out :)

Rewritten from Sam's pov:

"Just pretend the person you like is standing in front of you and tell us what you'd say to them."

Bucky swallows. He looks uncomfortable, but to be fair he always looks uncomfortable. He's not a very relaxed person. And dating should do him good, that's why Sam's pushing it.

"I..." Bucky stutters, peering down.

His cheeks are already blushing, that's something else he does a lot. Goes all red at the smallest comment. Even Hannah has noticed and told Sam she finds it adorable. He never told her he secretly agreed.

"Don't be shy," Hannah pushes, Sam smiles wider at his girlfriend's insistence.

"Just show us what you'd say," Sam presses.

"Bucky, just try it," Hannah pokes again.

"It's not that hard, man," Sam fuels. "Just say something."

They're staring him down and Sam can already see that Bucky's caving. It's a benefit to being partners you can't really explain. He can recognize all these little signs in Bucky's face that give away when his guard is waning.

Sam doesn't tell people how often Bucky gives in to him and how much Sam likes to use that to his advantage. It's all harmless stuff, but Sam enjoys that little power shift nevertheless.

Sam's staring right at Bucky when he sees the walls coming down and his partner's expression changes to something like panic.

It's so sudden, Sam barely has a chance to react before he yells, "You're the most handsome guy I've ever seen in my entire life!"

The room goes dead quiet. Sam's smile falls off his face in shock. It's maybe the first time he's at a total loss of what to say and the air grows so thick in the looming silence.

Sam blinks slowly, trying to process the fact that Bucky just called him attractive. Like more than attractive — the most handsome guy he's ever seen in his life.

"I'm sorry," Bucky says swiftly, backing away a few steps.

Sam can feel Hannah look at him, but Sam's still drawing a blank. He's got nothing. And he feels god-awful because he can see how terrified Bucky looks, how embarrassed.

It's his job to make it better. That's his partner and he's just leaving him hanging. Sam never does this.

"No honey, don't apologize," Hannah steps in.

Sam shakes his head, he has to say something.

"I'm sorry, I just need a minute," Sam finally states.

"I gotta go," Bucky murmurs and runs to his room.

Shit, Sam needs to fix this.

[thotsforvillainrights]

Could I ask for some hcs of reader reassuring afo that he's still attractive and they still love him after that fight? Ty! 🌈

(No problem, and sorry I'm just now getting to this!)

~AFO's S/O Reassures Him~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up|drabble

-Insecurity was basically a nonexistent concept for himself personally. As far as looks go, he's never felt a single bout of insecurity. He's actually been pretty confident in everything he's wanted to do. This was also true when he'd first began courting you. He approached you with so much confidence that you were starting to wonder if you were good enough for him instead.

-You noticed the longer you spend with him in a relationship, the more sure of himself he was about everything. It was rather motivating at times or maybe discouraging at others. Perhaps it made you feel like you were lacking in the department and needed to brush up on simple things like proper eye contact or posture. Or maybe it made you feel motivated to seek out your own level of confidence at times?

-You'd really worried about him when the big fight came along. How could you not? What exactly would happen to him if he ended up losing? He would be in jail or worse...dead. This was a large weight sitting on your shoulders. Meanwhile he was concerned in the least bit. Yes his confidence carried over into this as well. He had you hidden away...very far away in the safest spot he could think of. You weren't doing so well being away from him even if it was for your own safety. You were doing even worse when the result of the fight unfolded right in front of your eyes on the small screen you witnessed.

-Making it back to him a few days later was your only relief (aside from him being alive still somehow). Watching his personality take a shift was a different kind of pain. He remained silent as he was hooked up to various machines helping keep him alive. As time passed, you watched him over the days. He'd come off some of his machines and eventually only really relied slightly on the oxygen tanks. He'd handled his business still as if nothing really went wrong. However, behind closed doors you could still see the sadness on his face despite his lack of features. You knew him like the back of your hand. One day, he'd finally come clean.

-During dinner, he suddenly paused eating and 'looked' up at you. "You are not still here with me out of obligation, are you?" He asked quietly...genuinely. You dropped your fork onto the plate below and frowned. "Out of obligation? No way in hell. I'm still here because I care about you." You spoke firmly. "Are you sure? I don;t want you to think you have to stay here with me just because you've already been here for so long as it is. I will not hurt you if you decide to leave." He once again speaks up.

-"I'm here because I love you, okay? Why are you suddenly questioning that?" You can feel your eyes begin to water. Was he trying to get rid of you? "I am nothing short of a monster, Y/N. I'm sure you've gotten a good look at me by now. Why are you still here then?" You take a deep breath and try not to get angered at his words. "I'm still here because I love you. I've said this already and there's nothing that'll change that. I love you despite what you look like. I love you for how you treat me and for who you are. To me, even if no one else in this world agrees, you are the most handsome man I've ever seen. This hasn't changed and will never change. I can promise you, and from this day on I should only hope you begin to understand even a fraction of the love I have for you." You smile at him softly, unsure of him being able to pick up on it.

-There is a long silence between you two, and you've already began to start eating again. He's processing your words and thinking to himself how he can get back on track with how he views himself. It's important considering how you see him hasn't changed since day one. That confidence will return eventually.

[unusuallysweetaki]

More Everett thoughts (as if they ever stop)

This freakin song!!!

It matched the idea of Eve being a playboy who has commitment issues but actually yearns for affection/attention. This song mostly reminds me of his relationship with Pran.

"I push my luck, it shows" - How he followed Pran around, doing the same thing he did with Nate ofc

"You were the best, but you were the worst" - Everett's conflicting feelings on Pran. He thinks its cool how he doesn't care about anything and breaks rules (he's also attractive). But he also does shit that pisses people off on purpose cause he's a spiteful douche. He also cut Everett off just to make Jeremy happy without really considering Everett's feelings (due to his insecurity ofc, Pran doesn't think anyone could/should like him and definitely was not aware of Eve's feelings because of this thought process).

"As sick as it sounds, I loved you first"- Literally, Everett fell first and Pran didn't fall at all.

"I was a dick, it is what it is"- Everett attempts to do his usual "shrug it off like it didn't matter" thing when he's talking to JB during the field trip on his route. He explains that Pran probably ditched him because of how mean he was to Jeremy, admits that it was fair for Pran to be upset about that and says "Fuck it, it's time to start moving on."

Small tangent; this is one of the reasons I like JB with Everett so much. Not only are they super alike, she came at the perfect time to help him move pass all this crap that happened a year ago. Unfortunately its also why playing Jeremy's or Pran's route makes me feel so freakin guilty lol.

"A habit to kick, the age-old curse"- Everett being a dick to people based on what others think about them most likely didn't start with Jeremy. He teased Nate with some other kids when they were little, mostly based on the fact that other kids thought it was fun so why not. He also started thinking Nate was cool when other people did. Everett's a follower not a leader he's also shallow person in high school. The Pran incident was probably the first time its actually screwed him over though.

"I tend to laugh whenever I'm sad I stare at the crash, it actually works"- How Everett tends/tries to laugh off serious things or avoid dealing with them entirely. When he's really ticked tho he seems to got out his way to find the person who upset him and just insult them to their face.

"Making amends, this shit never ends, I'm wrong again, wrong again"- I think Everett's attempt at sharing a room with Pran without complaining immediately might've been his attempt at making amends. But he's wrong because he's still not over it. Pran also mentions that Everett "stayed in the bathroom for way too long" and maybe he was trying to psyche himself up but failed.

"Lay on the horn to prove it haunts me"- Everett goes out his way to insult Pran whenever he can. I think "Lay on the horn" could just be another way of not letting it go and mentioning something all the time.

"I love you, i'm sorry"- Mostly because Pran doesn't understand why people would like him. essentially making people feel bad for caring about him or making it really hard for them to. Also the thought of Eve saying this to Pran because he knows Pran most likely doesn't like him back, UGH the ANGST

ANYWAY, that was way longer than I intended but I really find the relationship between Eve and Pran very interesting. Neither were completely at fault for what happened but neither are absolved of blame either. I love my morally gray traumatized teenagers lol.

[2af-afterdark]

What type of punishments do you think the Kings give to captured spy angels?

🩵

Hey 🩵!!! Not gonna lie, I was just thinking about you since I haven't seen you in a while. I hope you don't mind if I go a little dark here, because this is a war between heaven and hell. Things ain't gonna be glitter and rainbows, especially with a captured enemy.

For that reason, I am also putting this under a read more. I will try and not go too graphic or hardcore still, but I am still talking about dark topics.

Proceed at your own risk. ⚠️

General

No angel will have a pleasant experience after they are captured, but the lucky ones will be killed soon after they are discovered. Often, they are the first victims of a devil's short temper and die before they have time to experience true hell.

The less fortunate ones will have to be... modified so they can't try and escape. Some of them will have their wings clipped, others will be defeathered with tar. If they are really unlucky, they will simply be bound, have their tendons cut, and marched to their final fate. Why is being bound the most unlucky? Because being bound means the devils want an angel intact for one reason or another. Usually, that reason is for entertainment and revenge.

Different kings have a different preference for what to do with a captured angel. For the most part though, there is no such thing as a lenient king.

Satan

The king of wrath is formidable when it comes to the terrible punishments he could inflict upon any layperson, let alone the enemy. The most severe of punishments are kept a highly guarded secret, even among his vassals.

The only publicly available punishment is that they will be used as training dummies and punching bags. The best way to learn to fight an angel is to practice on an angel. It's great when they struggle and flail around trying to escape an angry wrath demon. It's even better when the angel doesn't realize the devils are toying with them and prolonging their suffering on purpose.

Learn to stab, torture, eviscerate; gut them, heal them, tear out their ligaments and tendons. Make sure their wails can be heard all the way in heaven. Make sure to leave their face identifiable though so heaven recognizes their rat when they are left on the doorstep.

Mammon

He has a kingdom of gold and all the possessions in the world. Why shouldn't he also own an angel? Of course, it's always a debate about how he'd like to keep them. There is the classic option of slathering them in molten gold and seeing what twisted amalgamation of suffering and agony they take by the time is hardens and traps them inside. Maybe they will die in the process or maybe it will take them a few hours to die from the burns... or starve to death for the ones resistant to that. The very hardy ones may just be stuck there, trapped in agony until they loose all sense of self.

The other way to make a statue is to skewer their limbs and joints to pose them however he wants. There is a lot of screaming and blood, but he believe the new statue always looks to beautiful by the end. They die much more slowly this way, so he could theoretically keep them alive if he willed with a little bread and water every now and then. Unfortunately, these statues are also temporary, as once they die they start to rot and attract things. Disposing of them is always a tragedy.

He hopes they had time to think about and regret their actions in the time it took them to die.

Beelzebub

Must you ask? I'm sure angel is a delicacy he loves to indulge in where he can. They usually die on the battlefield, so fresh ones are hard to come by. A captured spy would be as fresh as they come. He has to savor such a rarity and harvest them properly.

Without getting too explicit, he has many recipes he wants to try. The one he's most excited for is this dish that requires a steady hand to prepare the subject to be eaten... alive. It is the freshest dish one will ever have.

Yes, he will share. Some may even risk eating it just to say they have had the most rare delicacy in hell.

Leviathan

He has two go to options when it comes to captured angels. The easier of the two options is simply shoving them in his coffin and letting the monsters inside have a nice meal/chew toy. It's also considered the more pleasant of the two options. It's nasty, but it tends to be quick.

On the other hand, the second way he deals with a captured angel is... far more brutal. He's so... envious of them. Aren't they just so beautiful? So glorious and awe-inspiring? It's disgusting how much he wished he could be like them. But he knows he can't, so instead he will bring them down. One. Aspect. At. A. Time.

Taking the parts that he likes the most is not a fast process. In fact, it is a rather slow one. It is meticulous so he doesn't damage the things he wants. Maybe their wings? Or their pretty halos? They do have the loveliest eyes as well. He can't decide what to keep, so maybe he will just separate it all out and keep it all. Maybe he can make something nice from the pieces he gathers. He wants to have nice things, even though it will never be enough to quench the envy inside of him.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

[TW: sex discussion, consensual underage sex mention, CSA as a concept]

I don't get my deal with sexuality and I'm starting to realize I behave like a survivor except I have no memory of anything of that nature, and I was wondering if anyone could shed light on why I'm like this or how I could find out the truth?

As a child I masturbated constantly and had an intense curiosity about anything sexual, but I also had a major fear of pedophiles and didn't want to be left alone with an adult even my own family - I read a lot including newspapers so I can't tell if something happened that I repressed or just being so aware of sex crimes as a concept gave me that paranoia.

The older I've gotten (I'm 27) the more confusing sexuality has become - as an autistic person the stigma around disabled folk and sex has been a constant weight, but I genuinely was a 'late bloomer' irt attraction to others and I'm still pretty lukewarm. I had sex once at 15 with my then-gf and I just went numb and dissociated even though I wanted to do it, since then I've only had LDRs and it scares me if I meet my current bf irl the same thing will happen as it's already wildly variable when I enjoy sexting and when it just makes me anxious. I once had a sobbing panic attack when he wanted to do stuff on skype (which I'd done before just fine) and that doesn't happen to a healthy adult, right? He's not overly pushy, just has a more normal drive than me, but when he initiates I never know how I'll react and I hate he has to deal with that.

I'm a trans man, and frankly if I got to go on T the change I'd be most excited for is my sex drive increasing so I won't feel so freaky as I'm always skating a line between sexual and repulsed, feeling uneasy hearing people I follow discuss their sex lives and seeing most NSFW content besides stuff that doesn't involve another real person like written fantasies or 'character x reader' content. I have a decent amount of fictional/famous crushes and self-contained fantasies to an extent that occasionally verges on hypersexual and I still masturbate a lot, so asexuality doesn't seem like the answer, besides every asexual I know loves who they are when I detest being this way.

If nothing happened I should be more normal, but I can't remember anything of that nature and it hurts to not have an explanation. I just don't wanna be broken and weird and afraid when I'm not sure I even have an excuse to act like this and if I do I don't know how I could ever find out.

Hi anon,

It's important to remember that everyone's experiences with sexuality are unique, and it's okay if you don't fully understand your own feelings and behaviors around it. You may not have experienced sexual trauma, but if you have, it could be repressed.

I want to preface by saying that when it comes to exploring possible trauma, it's essential to have the guidance and mediation of a mental health professional such as a therapist. Someone with expertise in this area could get a better sense of who you are, what you've been through, and help you explore some possible trauma. It can be very dangerous to your mental health to dig around for potentially repressed memories, because memories that are repressed are repressed for a reason. If you find something you aren't psychologically and emotionally prepared to handle, that could have a great impact on your mental health and safety (from yourself). But also, if you for whatever reason don't have trauma, it would be similarly dangerous to implant the notion that you do. And so, a therapist would be able to assist you further in finding out whether or not you have trauma, and how to process that in a healthy way.

A question that I find helpful to ask for individuals who are trying to understand sexual behavior they displayed as a child is, where did you learn what you were doing? Because while it may be expected for a pubescent child to masturbate, it's less expected for a prepubescent child to masturbate. Respectively, while "Stranger Danger" is often shoved down children's throats, it doesn't necessarily explain your major fear of pedophiles, which makes me wonder, how did you know what they were? These may be questions you don't have the answer to, and that's okay, but these could be things to explore with the help of a professional.

I also just want to say that it's okay to identify as asexual if you feel the term is fitting for you, even if you feel hypersexual at times (I'm also ace). Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, meaning to someone in particular, which means that you can still enjoy sexual acts sometimes, they just aren't necessarily centered around a specific person. You may also already know, but asexuality is a spectrum ranging from sex-repulsed to sex-positive, and it's okay to fluctuate between these. If you feel that trauma has a role in your sexuality, you may resonate with the term caedosexual.

Please know that you are not broken or weird for having these feelings and experiences. It's okay to take the time to explore and understand your own sexuality, and seeking support from a professional can be a helpful step in that process.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[xhda1449x]

okay so I have Opinions TM about this because. well. am asexual. know asexual people. Been Like That before.

I had a friend. She's not my friend anymore. One of the reasons why is that she was a very sex negative asexual. Not repulsed, negative. Sex negative means Against It As A Concept. Repulsed means "ew, I really don't want to hear about any of it and I'm kinda disgusted by the way sexual attraction seems to run the world but yknow, that's me, y'all do you", right. It's a different thing. Some aces don't understand that.

I've known aces who think it's the identity for sex negativity. Aces who are attracted to people in an allo way (!!!) but think sex is gross. The friend I had was like that. Afaik she just... hated men so much she decided that wanting sex with women As A Guy is disgusting behavior so all sex is like that. Because she'd only use the "sex repulsed" card when interacting with guys. Because she was a lesbian and identified as such. Now yeah there are ace lesbians. I've also known a few of those. But that's not the point, the point is that so many people who don't want to have conventional PiV sex find the ace label and think it's for them.

Now uhhh my personal experience with the sex negativity excused as being sex repulsed mindset. So I have ocd. something most people around me know about. Over the years of Me Having It (so like... since I was 8 ig) it manifested in different ways. One of the most annoying intrusive thoughts I'd dealt with was just... my friends, my family members, in sexual situations. Not with me, just kinda... abstract, I guess, but one time I had a wholeass flashback because my friend told me he did indeed sleep with his girlfriend regularly so that's something. It's not really fun, imagining your two platonic-and-nothing-else friends Having Sex In Your Head and not being able to stop it. Also yeahhh the trauma def played a role too. Like, that's most likely what triggered me to Have OCD in the first place, and it took me a long time to get over that (mostly because I couldn't really tell anyone about it. I'm not gonna get into details but let's just say people don't really like to think that a young girl could hurt someone like that).

So now I'm in a relationship. First I've ever had. And I had to deal with Everything by being thrown head first into it. The first year was Hard, with another aspect of the ocd (it's always the ocd) being that I'd question my identity a lot. Sure I was dating someone but I was still ace because I didn't want to have sex with them right? Sure I don't mind the thought but I'm still ace because I wouldn't do it irl? SURE I CAN IMAGINE MYSELF DOING IT IRL BUT I'M STILL ACE, RIGHT, ACES CAN HAVE SEX?????? on top of dealing with Gender Questioning, too. Fun times!!!

But uh. yeah. turns out that I needed some help processing the trauma and now I'm like... the kink-cyclopedia for my friends or something. Like the person in the tags said, it's mostly theoretical. And funny thing is I've Been Like This even when I was a teenager!!! But I both pushed it down because That's Not How Aces Are and overplayed it because I wanted my friends to like me and at the time it seemed as if their only interest was Talking About Sex (idk, teenagers can be like that sometimes, or it can feel that way if you don't relate).

Anyway, yeah. For anyone who's like this (thinking ace is the label for sexual trauma survivors; thinking you're ace because you don't want sex; thinking being ace means being above sexual desires and that somehow making you better than everyone else), I've been there. And it was miserable. I'm still ace, because guess what, I'm still not sexually attracted to anyone besides maybe my partner and even then I'm not sure. But like... the reason why puritans are miserable isn't just because they're all horny and repressed. Building your whole identity on top of Hating Something will always make you miserable. Try to avoid that if you can.

I am both.

[casspurrjoybell-29]

Healing Ties - Chapter 12 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Yore let out a long sigh.

Now the unpleasant part, for the third time in the last hour.

Yore got down onto all fours and started to shift.

Besides being painful it also felt difficult, like it required great effort, though once started the whole process would be much harder to halt than continue.

Every muscle strained, every joint twisted.

Yore lifted his large, furry head and looked at the mage.

The mage looked a little afraid.

That was always expected from someone who hadn't seen a werewolf before.

They were far from the most creepy thing that lived out here but they were quite large and he'd been told they had a predatory intensity to their gaze.

The mage hesitated.

"Is he... is his mind the same? Is he the same person?"

"Yes, exactly the same. He won't bite you or anything."

The mage folded his arms over his chest, hugging himself.

"Then I shouldn't touch him. He wouldn't want me to."

"He's a little different about what he is and isn't okay with when he's in this form."

"Well... well maybe in that sense it would be okay but he doesn't want me to touch him anymore anyway. Because of what I did. He doesn't trust me."

"Yeah, he did tell me about that. What's the story there?"

The mage shrugged.

"It's just... something I can do."

"Seems handy."

The mage was still hugging himself.

His hands bunched in the fabric of his sleeves.

"It's not. I don't ever want to do it again. If I'd just been good and trusted Yore everything would have been fine but I tried to run away and I attacked Yore and now he's never going to trust me again and everyone will think I'm dangerous."

Yore pushed past Lucas and approached the mage, giving his arm a gentle nuzzle with his nose.

The mage was drawing in fast, uneven breaths.

"There, see?" Lucas said. "Listen, all of this distrust, all the secrets, it was because he was worried you might have been here to spy on us but that's clearly not the case. And I think whatever you were worried about has now proven to also not be the case."

The mage unfolded his arms and reached out a hand to tentatively brush Yore's ear.

Yore dipped his head and welcomed the touch.

"Do you think you could tell us your name, then? I'll admit, Bob doesn't really suit you."

The mage hesitated for a long moment.

He ghosted his hand over the top of Yore's head and Yore shut his eyes and pressed up into the touch.

"Okay," the mage said finally. "My name is Fanner."

Yore's eyes flew open and he turned to look at Lucas.

From his wide eyes and half open mouth, Yore was guessing he wasn't the only one who recognised that name.

But was this really the Fanner they'd been told about?

Was this really Danya's friend, who they had been trying to find for almost a year now?

He looked around the right age and he fit Danya's description.

Danya had always stressed how attractive Fanner was,but that he'd had a hard time finding a master because couldn't stay focused and stand still.

Hadn't this Fanner said something similar?

That he had difficulty with that sort of thing?

"If you don't mind me asking, Fanner... which house were you raised in?"

Fanner had stopped petting Yore and was hugging himself again, looking between the two of them.

"Why? And why did you look at one another like that when I said my name?"

"It's nothing bad," Lucas assured him. "We just might know a friend of yours. Or not. I'm not the only Lucas out there and I'm sure you're not the only Fanner."

"Is it Duran? I haven't seen him in over a year now..."

"No, although now that you mention it, you did talk to a Duran, didn't you, Yore?"

Yore had been putting it off but it was time to shift back.

He forced his body through the agonising process again.

His joints were going to be so angry at him.

"Yes," Yore said when he finally stood on two feet again. "He's doing well. He's living full time with his master now."

"I miss him," Fanner confessed. "I don't know who else you could mean, though. He's the only person I would call a friend."

Yore and Lucas exchanged a look and Yore shook his head.

Finding out Danya was alive would be an emotional moment for Fanner.

As much as Yore wanted to be fully honest with him, it would be better if Danya could be there with him while he went through it.

"You're going to have questions that I think this friend of yours will do a better job answering than either of us can. We'll answer other questions now that we know you're not chipped but I think that one's better off waiting for later."

"Okay," Fanner agreed. "Will you tell me where you're taking me? What you want me for?"

"There are other mages who have run away or been liberated," Yore said as he started putting his pants back on. "Quite a few of them. We're taking you to be with them. And... we don't really want you for anything. You needed help, so we're providing it."

"There are others who have escaped?"

Yore inclined his head.

"There are."

"I was told it was impossible to escape. That we always got caught."

"Yeah, it's weird how the people who owned you would lie to you about that," Lucas commented. "Can't imagine why."

Fanner ducked his head and hunched his shoulders.

"I suppose some things I believe to be true... aren't true."

"Don't feel bad about that," Yore told him. "That's something every single escaped slave goes through. The fact that you're already accepting that instead of pushing back and denying puts you ahead of most."

"Especially for a Companion," Lucas added. "I fucking hate dealing with Companions."

"Lucas," Yore scolded.

"What? You know what I mean and he probably does too. Their training is impenetrable. They're very hard to get through to."

"No, I... I agree," Fanner said. "Of course something that makes for a good slave won't make for a good escaped slave. That's only logical."

"Are you a good slave?" Lucas asked.

Fanner shook his head.

"I'm not a good anything. But I... I'll try to be useful. I know I don't have much to offer but a pretty face but... um..."

"Fanner, you knocked me clean out, remember?" Yore pointed out. "That's a lot more than a pretty face."

"No," Fanner said, taking a physical step backwards as he shook his head. "I don't want to do that. Please. I don't want..."

"Okay, okay," Yore said before he could get too worked up. "Nobody's going to try to make you do anything. I was just saying. There's more to you than that."

"I don't want there to be..." Fanner murmured.

"Let's not worry about it too much for now," Yore said. "There's an inn nearby. Why don't we get you some clean clothes and a hot meal?"

Fanner chewed his lip.

"What if word has spread about my escape and people are looking for me and..."

"It's not a human inn," Lucas interrupted.

"Come on. You'll love it."

[bethanydelleman]

Your entire argument boils down to, "Charlotte is a benevolent figure." and I'm sorry, but that's just not in the book. Saying Charlotte married for money is 100% true, she certainly didn't marry for love and it's money that makes that comfortable home. People don't perceive it as negative because she married for a small amount of money and didn't hurt anyone in the process, but it's still marrying for money. Also, Longbourn ain't a bonus, it's mentioned as part of the attraction at engagement:

Sir William and Lady Lucas were speedily applied to for their consent; and it was bestowed with a most joyful alacrity. Mr. Collins’s present circumstances made it a most eligible match for their daughter, to whom they could give little fortune; and his prospects of future wealth were exceedingly fair. Lady Lucas began directly to calculate, with more interest than the matter had ever excited before, how many years longer Mr. Bennet was likely to live; and Sir William gave it as his decided opinion, that whenever Mr. Collins should be in possession of the Longbourn estate, it would be highly expedient that both he and his wife should make their appearance at St. James’s

(Not Charlotte's voice because she's polite, but this is certainly part of her calculations when deciding to go after Collins)

Also, if Charlotte's grand plan is to get her brother into livings, why aren't the brothers visiting instead of a sister? Do the Lucas boys even have university educations? Because that is a requirement, and it's pretty expensive to get them.

However, it's not just conjecture that Charlotte does things with ulterior motives or at least considers the benefits to herself. Here is her considering Elizabeth's marriage prospects and how it would benefit her:

In her kind schemes for Elizabeth, she sometimes planned her marrying Colonel Fitzwilliam. He was, beyond comparison, the pleasantest man: he certainly admired her, and his situation in life was most eligible; but, to counterbalance these advantages, Mr. Darcy had considerable patronage in the church, and his cousin could have none at all.

Patronage in the church is for Charlotte, not Elizabeth. Elizabeth has zero use for that. And Charlotte is weighing that equal with the fact that Colonel Fitzwilliam is a way better fit for Elizabeth (from the information she has). That's some pretty motivated math.

Mr. Bennet also perceives Mr. Collins as flattering for gain, otherwise he wouldn't have said this:

“Dear Sir, “I must trouble you once more for congratulations. Elizabeth will soon be the wife of Mr. Darcy. Console Lady Catherine as well as you can. But, if I were you, I would stand by the nephew. He has more to give. “Yours sincerely,” etc.

Being ambitious and wanting to have a higher income isn't a sin, it's just what people do. Charlotte isn't stepping on anyone to get higher, so it's morally neutral at worst, but it is exceedingly normal of her to want to improve her situation in life. It would be far more shocking for the Collinses to be content, most people try to move forward in their careers and incomes.

Charlotte is presented as morally ambiguous in Pride & Prejudice. Her motives are understandable, but what she did is something no Austen heroine would ever do. She's morally better than Caroline, but worse than Elizabeth. The narrator leaves it up to us to decide if her decisions were worth the cost.

Common misconception about Mr. Collins in Pride & Prejudice is that he's sucking up to Lady Catherine to retain his position in the church. This is not true, the living is his for life, he's sucking up for more, as Elizabeth observes: Very few days passed in which Mr. Collins did not walk to Rosings, and not many in which his wife did not think it necessary to go likewise; and till Elizabeth recollected that there might be other family livings to be disposed of, she could not understand the sacrifice of so many hours. (Ch 30)

It was possible at the time for a rector to hold multiple livings, they would install a curate for about £50/year and pocket the rest of the income.

Also, it was nigh impossible to remove a clergyman once he was installed at a living. This example is from the book Fashionable Goodness, Christianity in Jane Austen's England by Brenda S. Cox (TW: violence against pregnant women):

Dr. Free seduced his housekeepers, resulting in five illegitimate children; caused one of the women to miscarry; let his pigs desecrate the graveyard, and kept cattle on the church porch; sold the lead off the church roof; cut down and sold trees not belonging to him; left the parish for long periods of time; and refused to marry and bury his parishioners. Eventually, when he offended a gentry family over a burial, they lodged a complaint. This led to seven years of expensive trials, at the Bishop of Lincoln's personal expense. Finally Dr. Free was removed from his living, eventual dying as a beggar. (Ch 10)

(And now you can see why Darcy really didn't want Wickham to be given a living!)

Mr. Collins and Charlotte are not being irrational in their devotion to Lady Catherine, a second living could double their income without adding very much at all to their work. Charlotte might have the added benefit of Mr. Collins spending some time at his other living during the collection of tithes. Now I do think Jane Austen found this kind of behaviour repugnant, but it isn't ridiculous, it's highly motivated.

[heroes-among-us-all]

hello! could i request for hcs where bakugo has a clingy babbly girl who always bugs him by following him around (bonus points: THEY'RE NEIGHBORS) and says she loves him all the time but he always just scoffs and ignores her then one time she ends up giving up or getting hurt and ends up distancing herself in the process and he starts to seek her out oMg you can take it from there IM JUST SO HAPPY YOUR ASK BOX IS OPEN YOURE MY FAVE BNHA IMAGINE BLOG AHH

I made this into a scenario instead of headcanons. Hope that's ok!

From the moment you moved into the house across from his, you'd already decided that you would stick to Katsuki like glue.

You just couldn't help it. After all, he stood out from the rest (even if it was in a bad way at times), which made it almost impossible for you to keep your eyes off him. He was headstrong and brave, not to mention incredibly attractive. Before you'd realized it, you were crushing on him hard.

But being the kind of person that you were, it didn't occur to you to try and hide your feelings. Instead, you clung to his side and made sure to seek him out at every available opportunity. You were incredibly thankful to have made it into U.A, because it allowed you to see him during class as well.

At the beginning, Katsuki thought you would give up and get bored of pestering him after a while. He clearly didn't seem to realize just how strongly you felt about him.

No matter how often he scoffed at you or told you to get lost, you were still right there, grinning at him ear-to-ear.

"I love you, Katsuki!"

Words that the average person struggled to say fell from your lips without so much as a second thought. The first time Katsuki had heard you say you loved him, his eyes had gone wider than ever. He even wondered if you were just playing a prank on him or something.

She's such an idiot, he thought. She doesn't even mean that. It's so dumb.

He'd long since convinced himself that you were just some ditzy girl without a serious bone in your body. That was why, even when you kept on insisting that you loved him - more than anything, as you so often stressed - Katsuki didn't take it to heart. He never stopped to actually consider that you were telling him the honest and unfiltered truth.

Until the day you got upset with him.

"Quit it with that sappy shit," he snapped. "I'm tired of hearing you spew the same garbage all the time."

It was just like any another day. You were clinging onto his arm and gushing about how much you loved him. As much as Katsuki wanted to say that he'd gotten to used to this by now, the truth was that he hadn't. Every time you hugged him or got extra close and said those kinds of things, he could feel his chest getting tight and his cheeks burning. Even if you were just running your mouth without meaning what you said, it was still embarrassing as all hell. And despite what most people probably thought, he did get flustered.

That was why he lashed out at you. He was fed up with being the only one to get worked up while you said all that stuff without even batting an eye. It wasn't like he actually disliked you or anything. Far from it, in fact. Even if he wouldn't admit it, you were the person he considered closest to him.

Perhaps that's why he felt comfortable speaking brashly. He'd always done it until now; why should today be any different?

Needless to say, dejection was quick to sweep across your face. You looked weary all of a sudden. You weren't smiling the way you usually did.

"Okay," you said softly. "I'm sorry. I just thought... I don't know. But I'm sorry. I should've taken the hint by now."

From that day onward, you didn't say a single word to him. You breezed past him in the hallways without so much as glancing his way. You didn't bother asking to walk home with him the way you usually did. Even when your parents came over to hang out at Katsuki's place - since your families were on good terms - you didn't come along with them. You purposefully stayed home, as if you no longer wanted anything to do with him. You were avoiding him. Did you not like him all of a sudden, or what the fuck?

Katsuki had always been stubborn, even as a child, so it took him a while to come to terms with the fact that he missed having you around. He missed having you cling to him and smile like you didn't have a single worry in the world. He missed seeing your cute face and feeling your arms wrap him in a hug.

Katsuki had liked you back for a while, but he was just too hardheaded to see it.

After finally coming to the realization that having you around was something he wanted, Katsuki did what he'd never done before and sought you out himself.

He managed to corner you during lunch, in the cafeteria, so that you couldn't try and pull a fast one on him. As expected, you refused to so much as meet eyes with him, but when Katsuki put his mind to something, he couldn't be deterred.

"You're done ignoring me," he frowned, grabbing you by the hand. Even though you tried to protest, he held on tight. "I need to talk to you. Aren't you going to hear me out?"

Katsuki didn't even realize it, but his gaze was nowhere near as confident and assured as it usually was. In fact, it was almost as if his eyes were pleading for you to stay. He really, really wanted you to stay with him.

Luckily, you'd always been the better person. Certainly a better person he was.

You nodded slowly. "Alright. Let's talk."

Relief couldn't even begin to express what Katsuki felt. For a moment, he thought he might faint from the stress. He was worried that you were seriously done with him for good. But you were giving him another chance, and this time, he wasn't going to screw it up.

Katsuki gripped your hand as tightly as he could while the two of you walked out of the cafeteria together. His eyes scanned the surrounding area, searching for someplace quiet and secluded. Confessing his feelings was actually a much more frightening thought than he would've liked to admit, but you were special to him. For you, he could set aside his petty pride.

After all, you were worth it.