#i'm spacing out when i take the meds and only taking a partial dose of my adhd meds

[acrowcallstoana]

am i glad for the extra difficulty eating? yeah, kinda

am i pissed about how i got it? very

[pretty-little-martyr]

something that's rly fuckin with my head lately (and all the time, to be honest-) is whether or not I, like, "deserve" my (informal) bipolar dx. partially cause of imposter syndrome in general, liek I'll find one (1) bipolar person with a different experience from me and I'll immediately decide I must be wrong, but also partially cause a very close person to me recently got undiagnosed with it, and they got their bipolar dx from the same human I see for my meds who also gave me my diagnosis. also the first therapist I saw for my issues, once I laid them out, was like "I could give you that diagnosis, but you're not a homeless drug addict. see, the people I usually see have real problems, and you don't." which stung a fair bit, bit I do wonder if he was right. I could very easily be spoiled and whiny. I can see it.

lately I've been thinking every morning of just not taking my meds because I feel "fine" without them, though I know in a lot of cases that's A Bad Idea, I am getting more and more curious. what if I'm actually Not bipolar and need something else? some other manner of help? I've been having trouble with sleeping again lately, with getting tired midday, and while that's not a side effect of my meds to my knowledge (in fact it's usually the opposite) increasing my dose has Not helped.

I'm also the sort of person who's anti-diagnosis as a box you Must fit in, I prefer to see them more like useful terms to articulate an experience. and I did a whole paper on bipolar where i found myself heavily relating to a lot of things (the particular kind of depression symptoms, the way going on Lexapro made me feel like my brain was full of bees, the way hypomania is described) so I've felt somewhat comfortable with saying i have a mild case of it, but now I'm wondering if I'm wrong and therefore intruding on a space I do Not belong in, which would make me feel Very bad.

genuinely contemplating doing a controlled sort of test about the medication when I'm off classes, first one week journaling my experiences while on meds then going off them and journaling how that goes. is it dumb? yes. I mostly do not have anyone to stop me though and I do think it would be the best way to test. my psych is not very helpful I'll be honest, they keep telling me to buy fancy vitamins. I'm not keen on forking over $40 for something I cant be guaranteed will help, I did that once with CBD tablets for anxiety and it did nothing for me. I would change psychs but this one is the only human who has given me meds without a formal diagnosis for bipolar, which I need to Dodge as much as possible because I'm a Florida tranny and if I have that on my history theyll try and bar me from HRT

I wish shit was simpler!!! fuck!!!