#i'm sorry this is so long oh my gosh sdfgds

[non-un-topo]

WHY did you have to give a presentation about trans fanfiction at your job? not judging or anything, i'm actually kinda jealous

Okay rant incoming sdfggfds. I work at a tiny feminist library, and my supervisor signed me up for a Zoom lecture. I'm not gonna lie, I wanted to jump into a black hole I was so embarrassed. Only because my coworkers know nothing about fanfic or fandom and I'm the token trans, and the prof giving the presentation talked VERY in-depth for an hour about mpreg and omegaverse, and how this type of fanfic is technically activism because in them the male body is "open and penetrable." She mentioned Sherlock and Supernatural, too. Like, picture a fandom girlie just having fun and doing her thing, but make it Very Academic(tm).

BUT THE JOKE IS ON ME because there was not one single thing this (cis, mind you) woman said that I did not know. There were things the guests asked her about that she didn't know. Woman is making a career writing about trans headcanons and tee hee yaoi femboys but she had never heard about the operatic castrato or apparently read any relevant trans literature. I asked for book recommendations for the library and she struggled a lot before giving me a graphic novel I already own ("Genderqueer"), "Heartstopper," and "I am Jazz." I remember when Jazz Jennings came OUT, bro. But before all that, her first response was to walk me through HOW TO USE AO3. I obviously did not tell her I'm very familiar with the website and am an author on it. I think she thought I was asking because I wanted to do research on fanfiction or something.

Her name is Jennifer Duggan, if you want to read some of her publicized work on fanfic. It is interesting that this is being researched in academia now, I will say. She had some interesting and meaningful things to say about how trans fanfic breaks the barriers between cis and trans readers, how it can foster community between us, how it counts as activism (think, against J.K. Rowling), how it depicts trans bodies as beautiful and lovable, unlike most mainstream media depictions of trans stories, and she addressed how fandoms need to be more inclusive to QPOC and transnational stories.

Like I don't want to self-deprecate or make anyone else feel bad, but think about how embarrassing this is lol. I'm the only trans person in my workplace and in my classes --- despite being in gender studies, I know. There aren't that many of us after all ---, and seemingly the only person who knows anything about fandom. I will now have to talk about this presentation as part of my routine in-class presentation advertising the library. Why? I don't fucking know. We can't have fanfiction at the library. I don't talk about my online life outside of the computer, and no one knows that I'm not only a semi-known ao3 author, but that I write trans fanfiction LMAO. It's rather private, and I'm worried I'm becoming the spokesperson for all trans issues at my work and school. But also, screw it. I don't hate that. This lecture pretty much convinced me I have to go to grad school and fight some of these scholars though, so shiiiit.