#i'm sorry if i called you out and that *ahem* SPOOKED YOU

[ofglories]

Cana stopped mid-step, eyes focused on the blond man just a short distance away. That was odd. She could have sworn that Arthur was currently in the simulator. What was he doing on the other side of the facility?

She took careful steps toward him, just loud enough to announce her presence so as to not spook him. "Arthur? I thought you were training today, is everything-"

Her speech came to a halt. Amber eyes met citrine instead of emeralds.

Oh... That wasn't Arthur...

"Ah, I'm sorry, I seem to have confused you for another. My apologies, I'm usually pretty good at telling people apart. You're the new-" Wait, what class was he again...? "...Ah, Saber? Is that your correct class? I'm sorry, my brain must be a little foggy today." (for Accolon)

The halls of Chaldea were more labyrinthine than the forest trails he had wandered in his life.

Likely that was why Accolon enjoyed walking around without any set destination. It taking him away from his, ahem, former comrades in arms and their usual haunting grounds was definitely a bonus. Not, of course, that he was avoiding them out of fear. Certainly not. Accolon feared nothing, least of all the Knights of the Round. They were just obnoxious to deal with. All so self-righteous, proclaiming their heroism and good deeds when they had done nothing to alleviate the misery his cousin had been subjected to.

Except for Lancelot, perhaps, but Accolon...found that he didn't care for that man at all.

Too violent by half. Far too impulsive as well, in the worst of ways.

"Arthur?"

Now that was something he was used to.

Pretender smiled, turning on his heel to meet his Master's eyes. It wasn't anything he was annoyed by, to be mistaken for King Arthur at a distance. If anything he would have been confused had it not happened. Even in life it had happened so much before he'd ever even taken the ring from his past lover to disguise himself in full. The thought of his face just so happening to appear similar to another person he was most certainly not related to in any way was just an oddity of life. Something he had come to find funny, in fact. For it truly was absurd, wasn't it?

Ah, but he was leaving her question unanswered.

Terribly rude.

"Saber... If you wish to call me Saber then I'm not opposed at all, Master. But yes, to answer your question," Accolon bowed, hand pressed to his chest, "I am indeed the newest Servant summoned here. There's no need to apologize at all, I'm quite used to the mix-up." Oh? Brain fog, hm? "Have you had enough water, Master? Sometimes my head gets all mixed up in thoughts and daydreams when I don't drink enough. Or, well, it did in life."

[lunaticus-platina]

Another analysis about Travis' terrible, terrible social skill. And what Oc I'll possibly need to assign him so the whole disaster gets prevented and his sunshine of a niece doesn't get killed cuz IF IT IS A CHOICE BASED GAME I NEED ALL THE OPTIONS. ALL KILL ROUTE AVAILABLE WHERE'S MY ALL LIVE ROUTE

Travis' horrible communication skill brought so many troubles but it so endearing.

Giving them poems, of all things. Instead of just telling them. So goddamn cautious, keeps asking questions, keeps testing them, keeps feeling them out, clearly, he doesn't even wanna be near the holding cells, it's the last place he wanna be. Guilt eats him alive.

Maybe they'll cooperate. Help me out. The sooner the curse is over, the sooner I can let them out. My family don't need to know. No one will believe these two, anyway.

Meaningless interrogation just to see how they react. His back to the cell, gun plain in sight, just waiting for Laura to reach for it, seeing if she'll go for it. 'Really.' At Max's poor attempt at escape. Assessing them the entire time.

I wonder why he hides so much. His default response is clamming up. He only ever says 'long story' and never elaborates. Has he never had anyone to talk to or smth? His family's horrible so it kinda makes sense. He always tries to solve everything on his own. Do things his way. Doesn't even talk to Laura and just cuffs her roughly to the pipe, manhandles the two.

What he needs:

1. Someone intuitive since he won't say a damn, gotta read him and the situation like a book. Or persuasive and got a goddamn degree in negotiation, so he'll open up enough to spill.

2. Someone who got his back. Got knows he needs it. Being the only police officer around the area must be tough too, despite the 'small quiet town' rep, we all know the entire forest is fking cursed.

3. Charmer. Or at the very least polite and sweet. FUCK YOU CONSTANCE ahem. Sorry. The man seems to have smth against name calling, cuz, you know, that one screeching lady in his family that degrades him like no other, and 'his ma' said he likes to flash his badge around or smth, and while I hate that woman, Travis does seem to like it when his position is respected, cuz he takes his job pretty seriously.

So whenever he does the 'right thing', or tries his hardest, it'll be nice to have his personal emotional support person that points out all his good deeds and appreciates them. He's a providing type, after all.

4. Someone huggable. He needs to be hugged as many times as possible. Just cuddle and sleep. By god let him sleep.

5. Someone who fking listens to him when he tells them to. Like, not blindly obedient, but Laura, maybe if a menacing cop warns you not to go somewhere, maybe not risk it? One night at Harbinger Motel wouldn't have killed you. When someone looks at me that seriously and tells me not to do smth, I usually assume there's a good reason. And usually I'm right.

6. Someone who can call him out on his bs. Cuz the man can be so dense sometimes. No you can't just lock up two American citizens for 2 months and not tell them shit. That is way too close to the cell, relocate her if you don't want to come back to find bits of her face lying on the ground.

7. Someone who's at least moderately social and talkative, with quick wits, so they can cover him where he fails. If you tell someone NOT to do smthing, Travis, without telling them WHY, guess what happens? Yeah. They ain't fucking around to find out, if you say the camp's closed, private property, bear sighting, and probably spook them with little bit of wild animal attacks around the area. Not too hard is it.

8. Who's just as determined. Because he admires strong dedication. Once he sees they're ride or die, he'll be hooked.

9. Someone who understands the importance of family, and also the danger of dysfunctional ones. He knows no one person is supposed to look after an entire family. So he needs someone who understands why he does what he does, but point out that his family's supposed to look out for him, too.

He struggles between duty and family, so if someone helps him find a healthier balance in-between, he'll be so relieved.

10. Someone who knows how to deal with his darker aspects. He ain't no saint is he? With enough pressure he can get nasty too. Towards anyone, especially to himself. Someone who can 'handle' that evil in him will get to enjoy a good man Travis who has that part of himself conquered.

There are probably more things I gotta look through. But I'm starting to get the picture. I got just the right person for you, Sheriff.

Hopefully pairing a police officer with ex-convict won't give him too much of a headache.

[magicalbuffalotransformerman]

Angsty Post: dw it's non-canon Edition

[ookayyyy sO. hi, how're you? decided to open a pocket timeline to tell a story that i've had as a thought in my head for a little bit. basically, if you don't want to read the entire thing: rocketjumper goes missing (...some...how?) and bonecrusher goes into a state of shock (well i meant for him to but he never did). shenanigans ensue. i got the original idea from a crime documentary, and it evolved from there.]

[groundrumbler, footmuncher, nebula and terraterror are sitting in the living room, playing monopoly. they're deep into their game when a very concerned/enraged bonecrusher rolls in.]

BC, holding RJ's hat in his claw: 𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘 𝗜𝗦 𝗠𝗬 𝗪𝗜𝗙𝗘.

[in reaction to this, footmuncher jumps into terraterror's arms, while nebula falls over and groundrumbler simply blinks.]

GR: well, when'd you last see her?

BC: in my arms, last night. when i woke up, i only found her hat.

GR: hmm. terra, how many missing person cases have you covered?

TT: uh... a couple, mostly as assistance. remember that time starscream (g1) first retaliated against megatron (also g1)?

N: oh god, starscream. what a prick.

TT: yeah, yeah. gave me a wicked eye scar, but it healed pretty quickly. i've still got the procedure for missing persons memorized, though. should i call barricade?

GR: well, bonecrusher here looks like he's about to slaughter us if we don't, so i'd say yes.

TT: alright... uh, boney, enough with the eyes.

[hitchhiker pops by, outside and peeking under the bunker doors.]

HH: heyy boys! serious time, huh?

BC: do you know where rocketjumper went?

HH: no, but i woke up with a pretty gnarly injury. wanna see?

GR: an injury?

[patchwork leans out of his office.]

PW: AN INJURY??

[hitchhiker fully opens the door, to reveal that HE HAS LOST AN ENTIRE ARM (left one). WHAT THE FUCK. [ahem] as well as this, his stump, abs and pecs are covered in scratch marks and leaking profusely.]

HH: pretty gnarly, right?!

PW: DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK? GET IN HERE. RIGHT NOW.

HH: [closing the door behind him] how're you gonna heal this, doctor man?

PW: i have. NO idea. but seriously get the fuck in here. you need to be healed.

HH: sorry for spooking you like this, guys. [he passes through the living room, and into patchwork's office.]

PW: primus almighty, what atta- [the office door closes, cutting his sentence off.]

BC: ...would that be considered evidence?

TT: that seems like a separate issue, bonecrusher.

GR: did he say he "woke up" with that?

TT: ...i may stand corrected. going to interrogate hitchhiker. excuse me.

[terraterror places footmuncher in nebula's lap, and gets on his feet so he can head into patchwork's office.]

N: [booping munchie's nose] oh look, i have a cutie in my lap.

GR: not quite the time for silliness.

N: my apologies.

BC: ...i think. i'm gonna go search for rocketjumper outside.

FM: you may not wanna do that, big man. the blizzard seems extra dangerous today.

BC: oh, fuck you. [with this, bonecrusher heads outside, closing the door behind him.]

GR, semi-sarcastically: sometimes, quite literally.

FM: [playfully paps 'rumbler on the cheek]

N: [snort]

GR: . . .

-

[perspective change: living room ---> rocketjumper, 5 minutes later]

-

[rocketjumper wakes up. she reaches for her hat, attempting to adjust it, to find that it's not on her head. she also finds that bonecrusher isn't wrapping himself around her.]

RJ: huh? boney? where am i now?

[she observes her surroundings. she realizes that she's in an arctic ravine, surrounded by sleeping, feral vehicons.]

RJ: ...uhm.

[she attempts to stand up, only to immediately fall back down onto her ass, due to a broken hipbone. she grits her teeth to stop herself from screaming in pain. she attempts to call someone for help.]

[bonecrusher picks up.]

BC: BABE?? WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO?

RJ: not so loud, dude. there's a bunch of zombie vehicons around me right now.

BC: WH??? WHERE ARE YOU?

RJ: i think i'm in a ravine of some sort. have you got anyone with you?

BC: aw fuck, i probably shoulda got someone to help get you out. fuck. how deep down are you, do you think?

RJ: well... there's a bunch of hail falling down nearby, so i'm pretty close to the surface.

BC: i'll be with you eventually. hold on.

[bonecrusher hangs up.]

RJ: ...hooray for wifi. [giggle]

[with this, rocketjumper lays down on the floor, and daydreams.]

-

[perspective change: rocketjumper ---> roadravager, 23 minutes later]

-

[we join roadravager after he was told about bonecrusher storming out of the base, and (in vehicle mode) chasing after any footprints or tire tracks he's able to find.]

RR: BONECRUSHER! COMRADE, WHERE DID YOU GO?!

[a very faint honk is heard to his 11 o'clock, and he stomps on the gas to get to bonecrusher before he does anything irrational. eventually, he gets to him in relatively mixed spirits.]

BC: hello, 'comrade'. why're you here with me right now?

RR: comrade, bonecrusher, you must recognize that this is a bad idea. we're both being pelted with ice rocks, let's get back to the base.

BC: I AM NOT ABANDONING MY WIFE IN THE SNOW, YOU COWARD.

RR: COWARD??? i'm trying to make sure you don't die out here!

BC: why? who asked you to be out here?!

RR: groundrumbler did! he got concerned that you were walking into a trap!

BC: well, too bad for him, because i'M PERFECTLY FUCKING FI-

[infact, before bonecrusher can finish his sentence, he falls into the very ravine that rocketjumper has found herself in. roadravager is barely able to stop himself from driving in, himself.]

[bonecrusher lands directly onto his face.]

RJ: oh, shit. boney. hi.

BC: ohmygodyou'restillaliveeee... you didn't tell me about how many zombiecons were in here with you.

RJ: yeah... there's a lot, and my hip's broken. sorry for worrying you, dude.

BC: s- what? sorry?? about getting kidnapped by a bunch of zombies?

RR: i guess?

RJ: oh, hi roadravager!

RR: hello, comrade rocketjumper! don't start moving until i've properly winched myself down there with you.

RJ: well... can't really move much at all, so.

RR: perfect! be down there in a minute.

BC: ...so. what've you been doing?

RJ: thinking, mostly. do you have my hat, by any chance?

BC: oh, absolutely. here you go.

RJ: [receiving her hat] why, what a gentleman you are. [she equips her hat.]

BC: oh, hey. here's our ride out of here.

RR: hello again. i've prepared for our cargomilf. don't wake up any zombies and we'll be fine.

BC: [snicker] 'cargomilf'. hilarious. anywho.

[bonecrusher, tiptoeing above the feral vehicons, carefully picks up his wife and tiptoes back over to roadravager.]

RR: дa, alright. hold her here for a couple of seconds, if you will.

[roadravager latches onto rocketjumper with a very aggressive amount of straps.]

RR: now then. will you be able to climb out of here yourself, bonecrusher?

BC: ...yeah. i wanna rip these guys apart.

RJ: that's... not a very good idea, i gotta say.

BC: well... i've got murder raging in my mind, could i have permission to rip these guys apart?

RR: ...you have mine, comrade.

RJ: yeah, alright. just make it out of here in one piece, please.

BC: don't worry about me.

[he gives rocketjumper a very gentlemanly kiss on the hand, and roadravager begins climbing the ravine wall. unfortunately, a bunch of the vehicons are awoken by roadravager's engine.]

-

[perspective change: ravine rager ---> the living room, 2 minutes later]

-

GR: this is a... very stormy day we've found ourselves in, huh?

N: stormy is an understatement.

FM: so who left the door open?

GR: i barely even got out of bed yesterday, wasn't me.

TT, leaning out of the office: are you sure someone even opened the door in the first place?

N: not really. hey, maybe those bastard child vehicons got to rockie somehow?

HH, barely audible: a good possibility!

PW, barely audible: stop moving so i can patch you up.

FM: last thing i remember doing last night wasn't... really anything important, if i'm honest.

GR: oh, no, please tell us about nebula buttfucked you while we were trying to sleep.

FM: . . .

N:

TT: with a strapon, or...?

N: quite the nosy individual you are, eh, rumbler?

FM: you gotta stop being a grumpy bastard about this kinda stuff, dude.

GR: and YOU gotta stop being so fucking loud!

FM: what am i supposed to do?!

TT: can we please not argue?

GR: too bad, asshole, i'm in an arguing mood!

[bunkerbuster stomps on by with a cube of energon. having just woke up, he's not in the best of moods.]

BB: oh yes, please argue. scream your little spark out. i can't wait to punt you across the planet like a tiny football once you're done.

FM: sorry, bunkie.

BB: i'm sure you are.

GR: oh, yeah, i bet you WOULD kick me with those massive fucking legs of yours, you annoying fuck!

BB: annoying, huh? after i've basically been ignored for the past 2 months?

GR: YEAH. ANNOYING.

[a very aggressive HONK HONK can be heard outside the bunker door. before anyone can react, however, the door auto-opens, and roadravager comes charging in with a rocketjumper in tow, braking so that he isn't able to run anyone over.]

RR: COMRADES! hello!

N, FM: roadravager!

BB: oh, hey, russian dude.

GR: great fucking timing. i was about to chew this bastard out.

RR: is that a euphemism for a blowjob?

RJ: also, PLEASE stop arguing. good grief.

GR: WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, HUH?

[rocketjumper bonks groundrumbler on the head.]

RJ: calm down, you prick. fuck.

[everyone swarms rocketjumper and roadravager (besides groundrumbler, he's knocked out cold), wanting to know what happened.]

TT: hey, patchwork, how's the repairs coming along?

PW: they're done, why?

TT: rocketjumper seems injured.

PW: duly noted! hitchhiker, how's your arm?

HH: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

PW: okay, okay! [chuckle] you can go back to your bedroom now.

[hitchhiker rushes down the hallway with his new arm.]

TT: alright, everybody! unloading process, let's move! get back here, hitchhiker, you're involved too!

HH: FUCK!

-

[perspective change: victory ---> (the end of the) ravine slaughter, right now]

-

[bonecrusher is currently ripping apart the feralcons by the dozen, flipping over some and kicking through others. once he's ripped the last one's head off, he takes a hefty chomp into it and spits out an eye, as well as a one-liner.]

BC: dead meat, as it were. anyways.

[bonecrusher, now done with the feralcons, begins his ascent so he can get back home.]

-

[perspective change: bonecrusher ---> the base, once he gets there]

-

[groundrumbler has his arms crossed, laying down on the couch.]

TT: well. crisis averted, huh?

FM: i'm glad nobody tried to stop bonecrusher, tbh.

TT: it wasn't very safe of him to storm out into that storm, though.

N: sooo... are we getting back to monopoly any time soon?

FM: oh yeah, totally.

TT: i'm down.

GR: [rolls over] ...fine.

PW: so do you remember anything from before you went to sleep to when you woke up in the ravine?

RJ: not really. i was mostly dreaming about clouds. were you guys worrying about me at all?

PW: to be honest, we never got word that you were gone until bonecrusher roared about it an hour ago.

RJ: oh, i see. those rat bastards were pretty sneaky about it, then.

PW: i'd have to say so, seeing as bonecrusher was pretty angry about losing you at first.

RJ: can you blame him, though? i'm effectively a massive pillow! [giggle]

PW: surely not. it'd just be unprofessional of me to do so. now, how's your hip?

[rocketjumper stands up.]

RJ: perfectly fine. good work, dude.

[rocketjumper and patchwork share a high five.]

PW: another job well done. i'm gonna grab a cube of coffee. go get some rest, you deserve it.

RJ: will do. seeya.

[patchwork strolls into the living room, to find the gang playing monopoly.]

PW: monopoly? at a time like this?

TT: oh, totally. how's rocketjumper?

PW: safe to say, another job well done.

GR: good work, dude.

PW: why, thank you. mind if i hop in?

FM: this game is gonna be looong~.

N: ohp, be careful. i could make a dick joke at any moment.

TT: hah, nice.

[a very hoppity bonecrusher arrives, covered in blood and guts that aren't his.]

TT: JESUS CHRIST, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU??

BC: MUURRRRRDEEERRRRRRR!!! [genocidal laughter] ...so, what's going on in here?

N: we're playing monopoly.

BC: sick.

[bonecrusher rolls down the hallway, towards the bathroom. everyone else that isn't rocketjumper continues conversing in the living room. the end.]

[so, how was that? i think it went well. have a good day.]

[kittygeek]

Hey look a sun and his genderswap, sunshine totally in no way a ten minute sketch based on a post by @ghost--queer (*also also i ended up making Fem!hunk pear shaped and Hunk original more of an apple(?) but all shapes are friend shapes just keep that in mind*)