#i'm sorry but this is my number 1 pet peeve ngl

[scintillyyy]

anyways. i'm sorry, but the trend towards the idea that tim makes dick's trauma about himself is always gonna something that genuinely baffles me because 1) tim??? very much doesn't????? he's always extremely apologetic whenever he does bring up the fact that dick's parents' death traumatized him (& again. witnessing a death, even of a stranger, is traumatic. tim. would. have. trauma. from. this. so would everyone in the audience that night. dick is the center of the trauma, but that doesn't invalidate anyone else's. the problem with dick's parents death being so public is that, while his personal tragedy is solely about him, the death itself touched so many lives aside from him--it happening in the public sphere inherently created far more victims with everyone who had to witness people dying than being alone in an alleyway does) and 2) dick *himself* is never super bothered by tim having trauma from dick's tragedy and most of the time *dick is the one bringing the topic up for him & tim to discuss*

like. my guess would be that it's stems from the gain in popularity of ring theory--which i do like--that makes people think it's inappropriate to talk to someone about something that hurt or traumatized them forever & you should never, never talk about your own personal feelings about the event to them. which is. hm. the point of ring theory is to not dump on someone who is *actively in a crisis*, once they're not *in a crisis* then the idea of comfort in/comfort out becomes a lot murkier & grey area because people do talk about things *when they process grief and feelings together*. you don't just like. never bring up the topic to them again??? like if dick had lost his parents and five minutes later tim had been like "wow. i was really affected by that" to him that would go against appropriate comfort in/comfort out. talking about a tragic event they both experienced years later & one that *dick is not actively in crisis about because dick has long since grappled with his grief* is not going against any the concepts of appropriate comfort in/comfort out. it's just. having a conversation. of which tim is usually apologetic about even having.