#i'm soooo normal about him you have no idea how normal i am actually. seriously i mean it. he makes me feel completely normal

[rocketbirdie]

Zack in action in Last Order -Final Fantasy VII-

[dreamingdarklyblog]

Soooo...

Okay soooo um... This is going to be difficult and awkward. But I'm going to do it.

So... Yesterday, when we were playing, my writing partner asked me to write a post for him. Actually he "suggested" I write a post for him.

I was... really out of it at the time. He'd made my breasts really large, and... It seems when he does that I get really foggy and suggestible >_<. Which just... So fucking hot >_<. But I digress.

He told me I would go and write a post for him, and I wouldn't feel embarrassed at all while I was writing it. But would normally after I was done. You get the idea.

Thing is. Shit happened, and I didn't get the chance to write it yesterday before the uh... suggestion wore off. So now I'm feeling pretty damn embarrassed writing this >_<. And let me tell you it's SUPER weird like, remembering suggestions. And remembering how it felt when they were working? And being aware that they aren't now, but, still knowing about it? It's really hard to explain. The pretzel that it kinda ties my head into >_<

And then today MORE shit happened. And apparently he hurt his back yesterday, and passed out feeling bad, today I mean. So I really want him to wake up with a nice post to read, that I know he wanted to read about...

So I'm just going to struggle through it trying not to die of terminal embarrassment.

So what he wanted me to post about was how addicted to rubbing my clit I am >_<. And about how much I love it... and how amazing it is, and some stories about uh... rubbing. Which is so weird >_<. and hot...

I mean... I know I'm addicted. But. I don't care? And. I mean. Being able to remember a lot of this, the suggestions and... The conditioning. I KNOW he's making it worse/better/stronger. But. I was already addicted, right? So. Was I? Or do I just remember being? Which is so confusing. But also so hot >_<

Speaking of rubbing... I need a break >_<

So yeah. Okay. That didn't help the embarrassment. Helped make it a bit easier to focus though. It's just so hard to go very long without rubbing. You have no idea. I probably edged three times in the car yesterday. In traffic. Stuck at lights. I know I probably shouldn't. I'm being safe though I promise. I'm just so horny all the time. It feels so good to be horny all the time. I just. I love how it feels >_<. I guess it's not ALL the time... But I wish it was. That's one reason I keep rubbing so much, like, whenever I don't feel so horny I start rubbing more just trying to stay horny all the time...

break time

Fuck. Really not helping the embarrassment at ALL. UUuuughh. He/you guys better appreciate this. You can tell me if it turns you on. Honestly. I just... I love making people horny >_<. I don't know why. It just makes me feel so... Um... I guess useful? Validated? that's so weird >_<. Ugh. But yeah. If reading this is turning you on please tell me? I'll probably rub myself silly reading it >_<. Fuck im horny >_<. And seriously, can you die from blushing? Lol...

So uh... Stories. Stories about rubbing myself >_<. That's what he said I think... I um. Well. Like i said. In the car... and um. Well. This morning, when I was talking to him, and in the shower. I got really distracted in the shower >_<. And kinda... at breakfast >_<. I was eating and realized I was rubbing too...

yesterday i caught myself pressing against the waahsing machine. had been there probably ten minutes before i realized. And when i was tryingt o do some excercises. Physiohas me doing like, pelvic thrusts? how can you NOT have sexy thoughts doing pelvic thrusts?

break time fuck

yesterday i waskinda rubbing watching tv, andat one point had to run off to the bathroom to rub when i was stuck around people >_< it had been hours and i just. It was too long. i cant go thrat long withotu rubbing my clit. or i dont want to. i dont know. cant/dontwannt to. KIndof a blurry line atm.

fuck im so horny breaks arent working im just typing and rubbing with my other hand or using both and grindignon a pillow ijust fuck i cantt im toohorny

i

igotta go and

rub

mroe

iohope this postwasgood for you and him and everyone and please tellme if it made you hornyor you came oh fuck i hope you came please tell me fuck i need to cum so bad

[tokitooth]

ok this ended up quite long so i will put this under a cut. cw for brief suicide mentions

the last time i changed my pronouns i was 16 which is why i specifically am feeling this way. i switched from he/they to just he/him and like not very long after (for reasons unrelated to the pronoun change and more related to just being a trans teenager in general) i kinda . developed an unhealthy relationship w my trans identity. my dysphoria was soooo bad i didn't want to be seen in public most days so i would skip school, getting misgendered was enough to ruin my entire day, and i was quite morbidly depressed and very seriously considering ending it all bc i was miserable. and this also manifested in other ways that i am not proud of, i remember feeling at one point like even the sight of the trans flag made me sick bc it felt like a constant reminder that i'd never be who i was supposed to be. but relevant to my current situation specifically i was against the idea of anyone using it/its for themselves ever. LUCKILY i was good at keeping that shit to myself (i was scared of alienating myself from people i was close to online) so this never turned into taking things out on others unjustly but the belief was very much there.

and even after i managed to dig myself out of the discourse poisoned dysphoria induced depression hole, after i learned how to be more normal about neos and xenogenders and it/its users, and after i started t and began to arrive at a place where i felt more comfortable in my own body, i still thought for the last 5 years that he/him was the end of it. i was content enough with the idea of being Just Some Guy. but. i did look at people who used xenogenders and neos and even just people who clearly felt secure enough in their identity to tell you adjectives they identify with and felt a sense of envy. i wanted to have that kind of fun with it, but nothing ever really felt like it fit, so... i didn't really want to be Just Some Guy (emo edition), but all things considered, "Just Some Guy" is a better place to be at than we were a few years ago, so count your blessings i guess? we don't want to die anymore so let's just celebrate that victory for now!

and that's just like. how i lived since i was 18. i didn't really think there was anything more out there for me when it came to my identity because even in the last year whenever i've tried floating the idea of neos for myself there was nothing that felt right so i just continued w this mindset of of "i guess i'm Just Some Guy now. i've tried and i've tried but there's just nothing. which is fine! i wish there was more out there for me and i wish i was having more fun like those other guys but it's not the end of the world." and CLEARLY i'm seeing now in hindsight that that was my gut telling me there IS something more out there that i just hadn't found yet.

so anyway that's why i think it's so fascinating that i landed on it/its to add alongside he. it's like i've let the testosterone marinate for long enough. i'm able to explore the idea of other identities, specifically nonhuman identities, and realize i like being a bit of a Thing. and i like being a cat specifically. it's strange to think about arriving at this point when there was a time i was against it. i can't even fathom what 16 y/o me would think of me now but i just wish i could go talk to him and SHOW him that things will be okay for us. i wish he didn't have to carry all that stuff around that we did at that age but i also know time is a straight line and i wouldn't be me now without me then. so since i can't show him i'm just going to be happy for him and be grateful that i've gotten to a point where i don't carry that around anymore and where i can actually have Fun with it. bc it was unthinkable to me then.

it's sorta like . idk. i can only imagine it's like the feeling of moving out of a corporatized apartment building and becoming a homeowner. i've gone from hating my body to tolerating it, and i spent a very long time tolerating it, but now that t has changed my appearance enough that i feel confident enough to present as a man, i'm realizing i can have fun with it. i can decorate the place how i want to. i can hang up photos and repaint the trim if i want. like i'm going from just living in my body to actually making it mine. and admittedly it does make me excited to think about what my identity will look like in another 5 years. maybe i'll have painted the trim back to its original color or maybe it'll be another new color. maybe there will be different photos hung up or maybe something completely different will be on the wall instead. who knows! only one way to find out tho. i have to be here to see it

can i get . can i get emo about identity stuff

[dntknonuttin]

You know you wanna do the meme for odie u silly goose

I DO THIS IS WHY I REBLOGGED THAT POST IN THE FIRST PLACE.

So, I am like the only human probably left on earth who still cares about Odie from Soul Nomad BUT I wanna just share my feelings about him soooo bad.

Sexuality Headcanon: Just everything we see in-game, I have to say THIS MAN IS GAY, GAY AS SHIT. maybe Bi so I can selfship myself with him. But yeah, This guy totally likes dudes.

Gender Headcanon: MOST Likely Cis Male... but.. IDK I can totally see this middle-aged dork maybe... dressing in cute clothes... 👀 (Vitali plz give him a makeover he needs one so bad)

A ship I have with said character: I to this DAY have no idea how in the height of the yaoi shipping for the sake of shipping-era of the late 2000s, NO ONE shipped him with Endorph, SERIOUSLY? Those two BOTH had a really deep bonding moment. It was like, the ONE time anyone had any faith in Odie at ALL, and that memory helped him actually unlock an ancient magic barrier! (that's revealed later in the game it wasn't ALL that impressive he did that BUT STILL.) Just one of these days I'm writing a fic shipping them I swear to GOD.

A BROTP I have with said character: Just the ending he has with Revya is super cute qwq he's like so thankful for them for believing in him! (He calls Revya his guardian angel! that's so sweet!) I like to think he just becomes Revya's weird doofy magic uncle C:>

A NOTP I have with said character: IDK if anyone ships them, but I think even the ending they have with Revya goes out of its way to NOT depict them romantically?! (thank god, Revya's like 17?!? that be really gross.) just basically anyone who's young/under 18 I just.. Nah don't ship em with the weird middle-aged wizard.

A random headcanon: I am convinced his dad, whoever the previous Dio was, did legit abuse him, like he totally lacks all confidence in himself, and just tries so hard to be at ALL taken seriously at all. Like I know he's like a 'haha funny midboss character', I know, but I really think he had a shitty childhood and his dad was an utter asshole to him and disowned him out when he was pretty young :<.

General Opinion over said character: HE IS SO UNDERRATED? I feel a lot of that is he's doofy as fuck looking and not an anime pretty boy like a lot of nippon ichi characters are, (let alone midboss characters, who are normally ALL pretty boys.) But! He's really a good character! He's fun! his theme music is sad clown music basically! I know this fandom is basically dead and he's never gonna get his time to shine but... IDK I guess my message to the 5 Soul Nomad Fans who are still semi-active, just, he deserves more love...