#i'm so. aaaaaah. i want this to go well i like this job sm

[spacecrows]

this morning i am thinking about how i've been nervous for like. all of august?? about the upcoming yearly summer get together at my new job because i didn't know how to present myself, if these people are going to think i'm weird and unprofessional if i'm myself or if they'll think i'm fake and boring if i mask and what if everyone hates me or they all think i'm an anxious mess because i don't talk to anyone all night??

well the event was last night and it was really nice and i'm just thinking about how. when i was helping with clean up after the event i said "i don't think i know these bowls, do they go back in the cupboard or did someone bring them from home for this?" and one of my coworkers said in a small high pitched voice "oh, hello ms. [last name], we are the bowls :)) nice to meet you :)))"

[hashirun]

Visited a Fully Booked store for the first time in ages and I feel soooo happyyyy. Pardon the blurred photo my phone's camera has been acting up ever since I accidentally dropped it more than a month ago. But anyway, I think the photo perfectly sums up how spending time in bookstores feels like to me: there's this dream like quality that's hard to put into words.

Bought two books: Piranesi by Susanna Clarke (who authored Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell) and A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles. Aaaaaah again it's been a while since I last visited a bookstore, leisurely browsed the shelves, and actually bought something - because it's been a while since I last visited a bookstore with a great selection of books. There's National Bookstore in Serin Tagaytay and SM Dasmariñas but damn their selection is terrible, just terrible.

I would've bought more than that but I dug deep and found some measure of self restraint - I thought to myself, "Well, there's always next time. Now that I found myself here I'm pretty sure I'll find myself here again in the very near future."

Should I cancel my Scribd subscription now? I enjoy reading physical books more than ebooks anyway.

Just a side story: I almost worked for Fully Booked two and a half years ago. I already passed the interview but didn't appear for the job offer because the salary was too small. Being a bookstore clerk was my dream job when I was much, much younger, but I was at that point in my life when I needed to be practical. I had been jobless for more than half a year as I focused on finally earning my college degree so I wanted to get a job that will allow me and my girlfriend (that time) to go back to our old lifestyle as soon as possible. So as much as I wanted to try being a bookstore clerk (at Fully Booked no less) my adulting self had to give up on that dream :(

That's fine though. While I'm still building my biker's cafe I also haven't given up on my dream library cafe. Eventually I'll run an establishment revolving on books, so the best thing I can do for now is buy more books to put in my library cafe. That's still a "yay for me".