#i'm so sorry my country is a trash fire literally all the time >.>

[mittensmorgul]

Do people in the USA ever catch a break? It seems to me as though you have to fight for or against something almost every single day just to achieve humane living/working/education/... standards/conditions. No wonder 90% need therapy. Am I wrong?

when a significant portion of the population legitimately seems to have no idea the scope of the issues we're facing, and instead has been completely polarized from like... actual reality... yeah, it makes it practically impossible to actually make positive change.

it's fucking exhausting, honestly.

under a cut because i needed to vent for a minute >.>

there's been a lot of push for positive change, too, don't get me wrong. the current push to unionize labor, for example, is slowly pushing back against a lot of those issues.

but the puritan far right wing white supremacist pseudo-christian nazi nonsense is insidious. these people have such warped ideas about what it means to live in a society, and many of them are absolutely convinced that they are on the side of "good." despite resembling-- to every single person who knows history and doesn't have their head crammed up their ass-- a textbook reenactment of 1920's and 30's germany with everything from book banning to the beer hall putsch.

part of the problem is that the U.S. is basically 50 countries in a trenchcoat and the trenchcoat is full of holes. and only one side of the political equation is operating in good faith and even remotely attempting to obey the law. look at the supreme court decision on redistricting from yesterday... the supreme court basically said "oh, too bad, it's just impractical to uphold the constitution in this case, and it's easier to just... not do that." and disenfranchised MILLIONS of people in the process. so even when our highest ruling bodies apparently are choosing to just make up their own rules, it's dangerous to just sit back and do nothing.

one of my high school history teachers had a poster on the wall that i think about constantly. it said QUESTION AUTHORITY. it's not only our RIGHT but our DUTY as citizens to stand up and do something in situations like this. the constitution not only delineates our right to freedom, etc., but also our RESPONSIBILITIES as citizens in a society. And right now, only one political party cares about that second part...

it makes it really difficult to make any sort of positive change.

education is a state (and usually also individual counties within each state) issue. School boards are county-level elected entities, and most people don't bother voting for those positions. It means a lot of school boards are comprised of people who have zero business dictating what education should look like, and that's part of the problem there.

unfettered capitalism, deregulation, and the constant messaging that despite stagnant wages, predatory financial institutions, and for-profit healthcare (and that one is probably the most infuriating thing to me of all of this-- NOBODY should be profiting from essentially betting on whether people live or die...), among other things, is the "best system in the world!" we have "freedom and choice!" in all of this! and if the government stepped in to rein in any of this it would mean you'd lose that "freedom to choose!" what's best for you and your family! Like... there are a LOT of people in this country who completely believe the big insurance companies are giving them "choices" and provide the best care they can hope to get, despite even insured people not being able to afford to go to the doctor, or being told their insurance won't cover the procedures or meds they need to live because of cost, despite making millions and often billions for their investors. It's all a scam, and americans are so addicted to their own sense of exceptionalism that they refuse to confront the fact that hey, maybe we aren't the best, and maybe this system really kinda sucks...

heck i've wandered off topic again, haven't i...

ugh, sorry, but thanks for the chance to vent a little bit. i am only one smol mitten trying to live a life here, and i'm just exhausted by all of this.

[femboty2k]

You know man. I'm tired. Just, really tired. I go to bed every night feeling like shit and I wake up not feeling much better. I hate almost everything about myself. I'm too tall, I'm fat in a way that isn't considered "attractive fat" because I have the proportions of a 45 year old lumberjack, I get dysphoria from looking at my fucking hands, I hate it. I hate waking up and looking in the mirror, and wearing clothes I hate, and not fitting in ones I like. I'm some freakish giant that no one wants to try and accommodate so I have to settle on shirts that are too short or 30$. Nothing every feels like it works. I tried my fucking ass off to get an apartment with my best friend and we fucking lost it because some shit sucking landlord couldn't look over paperwork before wanting to earn a quick buck. I gave up literally everything I had as far as connections and familiarity to move to the opposite end of a dying country while everyone I talked to about it could only say "AW MAN IT'S SO EXPENSIVE YOU'RE GONNA BE SO UNHAPPY IM SORRY" because yeah that's what I wanna hear. Fuck it dude. I can't feel better. I've consigned myself to this fate of living for other people because living for myself is impossible. I hate myself, I'm too chicken shit to commit suicide so I just sit around trying to do my best so other people can tell me they find me annoying. I'm shit at maintaining friendships, my last relationship was a trash fire that left me never wanting to be close to another human being again, I'm just so tired all the time man. Why can't I be happy. What do I have to do to earn a moment of peace. What can I do to feel like myself is something worth being. Fucking tell me because if I keep guessing I'm gonna get brave and throw myself in front of a fucking bus.

[imaginetrahs]

III

You say you want love, babe

You said you can give it to me just how I, I need

And you think of roses and daisies

And I think of passion and fire like Hades

You say all the time, peace and quiet

But for my love, I need a riot, a riot

- Summer Walker, Riot

Nalani

"I miss you Nola."

How do I even respond to that. I can't even respond to that. After everything he's done and said about me and what he put me through, I can't just take him back.

Conflicted. That's what I am, I'm conflicted. How do you forgive someone that isn't really sorry? You don't, so I didn't. I got up and walked to my car, I didn't care for anything else Noah had to say.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going home. This was a mistake, I should've stayed home." Grabbing my keys out of my jacket pocket I unlocked my car. Noah grabbed my arm to stop me from getting in and shut the door back.

"Why are you leaving? I thought we were good?"

He must be out of his rabid ass mind to think we were actually 'good'. We were far from good, we're terrible, horrible even. Nothing will ever be the same between us and I don't understand why he doesn't understand that.

"It's gonna take more than a 'I miss you' for us to be good Noah! Do you understand what you did? Do you know how embarrassing and hurtful it is to go on social media and see people bashing me about a situation they know NOTHING about?" At this point I didn't care what time it was or how loud I was being. He need to understand my pain, he needed to feel it.

"I never meant for this to happen to you Nalani, but how do you think I feel? I helped you get this 'dream' you so very much wanted and I didn't even get so much as a thank you." Noah was fuming but so was I.

Third person

Nalani was beyond angry. There were many things that Nalani didn't put up with, stupidity was one of them. Noah was being majorly stupid right now and she couldn't understand why he thought she was supposed to feel any sympathy for him.

Now that she thought hard about it, she didn't think he was sorry at all. Maybe this was set up to make him look better, maybe he wanted her to continue to look like the bad guy.

"You want me to feel sorry for you? Are you dumb, or dumb Noah? Like really!" She threw her arms up and let them fall back to her side. "Are you even really sorry or is this to make you look better, because you seemed pretty set on what you said. And I'll be damned if you make me out to be the bad guy."

Noah never thought he'd be here in this situation. He no one to blame but himself if we're being honest. All of this could've been avoided if he would've kept his, very much unpopular, opinion to himself. But because he couldn't, here they are at almost four in the morning having a screaming match in a parking lot.

With nothing left to be said, Nalani left. For real this time, with no hesitation and no one the stop her. Noah didn't try to stop her, he let her leave, seeing as if he didn't she'd probably get physical. Their conversation was getting nowhere and it was best to leave it where it was than continue it.

~

The next morning Nalani woke up ready to face the world, or so she thought. When she got home that night, or rather that morning, she barely got any sleep. Tears were shed, a lot of them, and maybe 3 hours of sleep was achieved.

Kaori has class that morning so Nalani was left alone to herself for a few hours. She decided to get up and do something productive with her life instead of laying in bed and being sad. Going outside wasn't something that Nalani wanted to do today, so she settled with cleaning the house, from top to bottom.

Halfway through cleaning Nalani decided to take a break. On her phone a notification popped up from Snapchat saying she had memories from 3 years ago. She decided to look at them not really knowing what was going to pop up. The first few pictures were of her and Kaori doing best friend thing and living their best life, and then the ones with Noah started popping up.

They looked happy and they were. Noah was her number one fan aside from Kaori. Whatever Nalani did, she ran it past Noah to get a third opinion. Kaori always got asked first. But now all of that as in the past and she closed out of Snapchat, way to ruin my day, she thought.

Deciding to stop feeling sorry for herself, Nalani continued to make something to eat and then clean the kitchen afterwards. She didn't like when people would clean the kitchen and then eat instead of eating and then cleaning, it was backwards to her. Kaori did that and it absolutely drove her crazy.

Speaking of Kaori, she should be home any minute and Nalani was just going to get her to finish cleaning.

~

Nalani

"So basically he said he deserved some type of repayment for helping you out, after he said you didn't have to on multiple occasions?" I had just got finished telling Kaori what happened between Noah and I.

She was just as upset and confused as I was. She always told me that there was something off with him but I never really listened. I probably should have. Now we're sitting on the couch eating chicken wings that Kaori brought home and watching tv.

"Mmhm, but I'm tired of talking about him and having my life revolve around him. It seems like that's all my life has been recently, 'Noah this' and 'Noah that' but I'm done. He obviously doesn't care so neither do I."

"Period Pooh, good for you. How about this, tomorrow night we have a girls night. We'll invite the girls over and have drinks and have a nail tech come and just have fun and let loose. Honestly you deserve it and we all need it." Kaori said putting more hot sauce on her chicken. She will literally put hot sauce on anything.

That didn't sound like a bad idea. I know Kaori has been stressed lately and the other girls have been busy with their kids and lives in general so this will be good for all of us. I agreed and got up to throw my trash away with Kaori following me.

She told me about her day and how her classes went. "And then this bitch had the nerve, the audacity, to say "well he's not your man if he's texting me" and I lost it. So if the police come to the house saying there's a warrant out for my arrest tell them that I fled the country."

We laughed because it's something she always says. By now it should be very clear that people need to just stop messing with her because she is all the way with the shits.

"Girl I'm tired so I'm gonna go lay down. You comin up?"

"Yeah I'm coming." I grabbed my phone off the counter and started walking up the stairs when he doorbell rang. We both looked at the door and then each other with the same facial expression. It's almost seven o'clock at night and nobody told us they were coming over.

I went to open the door and a man in a suit was standing there.

"Nalani Barnes?"

"Yes?" He handed me a yellow envelope.

"You've been served." He said and walked away to his car.

"SERVED!?" Kaori yelled at the same time.

My night couldn't get any worse.

[sharpened-fantastic]

what are the reasons to vote for Biden? because you're out here talking about how we shouldn't vote green/abstain from the presidential, but can you please tell me what exactly would be different about a Biden presidency vs a Trump one? besides that a second Trump turn would keep liberals engaged and give us more chances to radicalize them. Joe Biden is just as bad as Trump on nearly every level and if he miraculously wins the gen, the DNC will be left unchecked. I'm curious on who that helps!

Hey! A genuine thank you for sending a full, non-anonymous ask. 

However, the biggest thing to remember is that having a democrat in the office will lead to policy changes and will change how our country is shaped for literal decades to come. 

Yes--Biden is a shit head, he would probably continue a lot of the racist and outright idiotic policies that Trump either put in place or continued from previous presidencies. I wish it weren’t true but that’s a simple fact. I agree that this sucks dick and makes me not want to vote at all.

One BIG thing is having a leader, regardless of political views, that has literally any political experience other than “accidentally got elected for four years as president”. Even compared to other presidents, even other republicans, his approach is overly militaristic, explicitly fueled by monetary gain, and he refuses to bend to even feign concern or duty towards American citizens. His open xenophobia (that has literally been UNPRECIDENTED, even to other politicians sharing his beliefs) has allowed greater mobility and reach for hate groups, and has let other politicians feel more comfortable in presenting non-coded, upfront, racist policy. It’d be one thing if it just showed the American public “oh wow, all of these places were racist the whole time”, but elevating literal concentration camps (yes, those did exist during the Obama era) to “let’s use abandoned warehouses to strip kids from their families, live in conditions we legally don’t let a lot of animals live in, and give them marked psychological scarring!”, among other things (I’m gonna put references at the end of this I’d hate to be talking purely out of my ass).

Trump is also horrifically undiplomatic--severing or straining our ties to other developed nations--, overemotional and unprofessional constantly on social media, and speaks positively on radically bigoted and backwards groups.

I think you’re giving Trump a lot of credit by saying he and Biden are equally bad. Both racist? yes. Both made bad policy decisions? oh yeah. However, Biden is still left enough that the democratic party accept him, the republican party has been squabbling since 2016 that Trump is too right-wing for republicans. Let’s have a president that even pretends to condemn Charlottesville or the dozens of other explicit hate crimes across the country. Let’s have a president that has better tax policies, or maybe even pays their taxes at all! Sure, they’re both bad! It’s a shit situation we’re in! But would you rather be trapped in a room with a child throwing trash, or a child setting the room on fire? 

Oh and one other big thing, I don’t want Trump choosing the supreme court for an entire generation, thanks.

Who knows, that’s up to you I guess, and if you don’t wanna vote I can’t stop you, I mean, it’s punishment enough that you’re gonna have to live with your decision. 

Here’s the biggest thing to remember: voting isn’t fair. It’s a broken system that supports those who abuse it, and those who abuse it are shitty people that don’t deserve that power. HOWEVER, refusing to vote only allows those who support people who abuse power to become more brazen in their racism, disregard for the American public, and signals to republicans “we give up! we swear we’re gonna have a revolution one of these days, but until then, you choose who’s in office!”

Biden is the wrong choice for presidency, but he’s our only choice. I don’t support Biden, I support voting, and I refuse to support letting Trump have another minute in office just to “radicalize leftists”. Not to be rude, but I think anyone who’s gonna get radicalized in this direction has been radicalized, but there are plenty of centrists that were taught “racism is bad” in grade school, but are getting a ton of support from the “racism can benefit you” crowd.

Ok, I’ve held off from the caps lock and stupid italics and bold for long enough, but “a second Trump turn would keep liberals engaged and give us more chances to radicalize them.”?! 

Are you fucking kidding me???

I don’t think anyone should have to think on having their political ideologies shifted while hundreds of Americans die due to lack of access to basic necessities, having their families torn apart, and while the future of the country burns in the background. Trust me, regular republicans do enough heinous shit to radicalize me and the majority of my group, you just normally need to dig ever-so-slightly deeper than surface level to see it, and providing that information to people is something I’m willing to do to get Trump out of office.

I really hope that I’m misreading what you said there, because holy hot fuck is that the most disgusting thing I’ve heard all fuckin month.

But here’s the biggest thing! VOTING IS SO EASY TO DO. PLEASE JUST DO IT. DON’T ACTIVELY ALLOW TRUMP TO WIN. I KNOW IT’S MUCH MORE DIFFICULT IN SOME STATES COMPARED TO OTHERS, BUT IF YOU DO HAVE THAT PRIVILEGE I WILL BURN YOU TO THE GROUND IF YOU THROW IT AWAY. 

Sorry, this was way longer and more of a rant than I intended. TL;DR--

Both are bad, but saying that Biden is “just as bad” as Trump is flat-out irresponsibly ignorant

One has political experience. That’s it that’s the bullet point.

As far as bad presidents go, Trump has been fuckin record breaking

Trump goes on overemotional, uneducated rants on social media, refuses to speak against extremely open, literal hate speech groups, and is straining America’s relationships with all other developed nations

There are some differences in their policies, again, both are bad, but this is not the time for black and white thinking please 

A radical president radicalizes people in both directions

I can’t even properly express my distaste for the comment “a second Trump turn would keep liberals engaged and give us more chances to radicalize them” I am literally praying that I’m misinterpreting what you’re saying right now, holy fuck

IF YOU CAN VOTE AND YOU CHOOSE NOT TO, I’M MORE ENRAGED AT YOU THAN PEOPLE WHO STILL THINK THIRD-PARTIES CAN STILL WIN, BECAUSE AT LEAST THEY GIVE ENOUGH OF A SHIT TO ENGAGE WITH DEMOCRACY. 

Ok references (sorry they’re all in the wrong order and of varying quality): x x x x x x x x x x x

[saralaurensmagalona]

The Embassy Part 3 A Thorki Fanfiction by Magalona

Hello there ! Finally there will be another chapter... The third was to big. Enjoy !

Thor had expected a sweet night of passion, he ended up with a crazy wild cat, hissing, spitting, trying to gouge his eyes out…

Loki was fighting as if his life depended on it. He was screaming and hitting. Completely insane. After a few more seconds of fight, Thor managed to grab him and lay him on the bed, holding his wrists above his head and, doing so, made a parody of a forced lovemaking and created even more terror… Loki's horror was complete. His throat constricted and he remained open-mouthed, unable to form a word, a flood of tears on his cheeks, like a small child making a tantrum. And Thor couldn't help but notice that anyone would have looked ugly in this situation. It only made Loki more beautiful to his eyes…

“CALM ! DOWN !” Thor didn't want to scream but Loki was making such a racket he was unable to hear anything. It made Loki freeze and look at Thor with absolute distress. It simply broke the Thunderer's heart. “Please...” Thor said in a softer tone. “Please... Just calm down, okay ? I won't hurt you...” But everything in Loki's eyes yelled that Thor was a liar. Thor clenched his teeth. Nothing of this mess made any sense. Loki was willing one second and looked at Thor as if he was trash or worse the next ? Incomprehensible. Thor was known to be impulsive and not much of a brain user. If he had not inherited his mother's cleverness and wisdom, he still had her sense of empathy and sensibility. He wasn't stupid. There was something really wrong and he needed to know what. But he wouldn't get any answers from Loki in the state he was in. He stepped back, hands above him as if threatened by a sword. “See ? I am not touching you, right ? So, now, calm down. Please. ” He slowly moved from the bed. Loki, still sniffling, raised himself on his elbows, unsure of the outcome. He kept a watchful eye on Thor. “I won't do anything, Little One… Please...” Loki sighed and seemed to relax a bit. A relative bit. He was still looking at Thor as if ready for an eventual attack. Loki breathed a last time, gradually getting back to normal. “Please.” He said in a calm but trembling voice. “I don't want to do it...” Thor felt a pang of anger, disappointment, confusion and sadness all at once. “But… You came !” Deep inside, he knew he was sounding ridiculous and childish. Thor knew perfectly well anyone had a right to change his or her mind at any time. But, whatever he was feeling right here and now for Loki, he had never felt before. He had no idea it was only possible... The deception of realizing they were not reciprocated was painful... “I … I...” The beautiful creature was losing it. None of his reactions made sense. Actually, Thor didn't know the storm raging inside Loki's brain. He had gone to Thor's room like he would have marched to the scaffold. Once in front of the catalysis of his horror, all his carefully pretended carelessness was blown out. Panic was making his heart pound like a hammer. His mind that was usually composed and rational was now totally erratic. In presence of Thor, he had no leverage. Which was probably the reason why he started blabbering against himself, as if someone was talking with his mouth. Had he been in a normal situation he wouldn't have been spilling the beans like that...

“They made me ! You are the Mighty Thor but they wanted me to.. to... I can't ! I'm sorry but I can't ! I'm supposed to... Occupy you or something but... How could you have done this ? They did nothing to you !!” Loki was so confused he was yelling nonsense. Thor understood yet one thing and it was devastating. Someone had forced Loki into this. Loki never consented. Worse, he seemed to hate Thor, for some reason... He felt his heart break. He actually felt little pieces of cold flesh falling in his chest, making it turn into ice. “I see.” He calmly said, rising of the bed. Then Loki realized what he had just done. He had just told his worst enemy his brothers' plans for their country in order to survive. He had ruined everything that had been so carefully prepared in less than 10 minutes. He had made Thor even worse and set against his people than he already was. He had doomed them all. Now, Thor was going to destroy Jotünheim thanks to Loki the useless runt prince... Loki lost it totally. The abject fear made him jump out of the bed and throw himself around Thor's legs. Grabbing his knees from behind, literally crawling and begging, the terror being so overwhelming he didn't realize this was unbecoming to his station. In fact, he was beyond all of this, he didn't care anymore. If Thor wanted his life to restore his pride, then be it... “PLEASE ! Please, hear me out !” Loki was screaming in desperation though he had no idea how to stop this disaster. “Please ! Do not harm my brothers ! Do not ruin this, please ! I am begging you, my country...” He was scratching at Thor's calves. That actually woke Thor up. He softly grabbed a sobbing Loki by the shoulders and did a very unexpected thing.

He put him on his knees like a very big child and held him on his chest for comfort.

Loki stopped crying and pleading at once. He was in shock. He had his nose on Thor's shoulder blade. He could smell the musky male scent of his soft skin. He was amazed to feel it so nice. Being colorless, he thought it should be disgustingly flabby but no. It was almost silky. Thor's large hand was resting on Loki' nape. It was heavy and warm. It could have felt like a humiliating gesture of dominance. Right now, it was soothing Loki's nerves. Loki was surprised to find himself almost ready to go to sleep. Thor's body was unexpectedly warm and comforting. “Better, Little One ?” Thor murmured. “Yes...” Loki answered shyly. “I am sorry... I'm” He tried again. Thor shushed him and caressed the stiff neck. Loki yielded to the incredible comfort. For the first time in his life, he realized that he was being held. Truly being held to be reassured and soothed. No one took him on his knees and arms before, not even his nannies. They couldn't get too close to him. He was a runt but a prince before everything else and, most of all, above them all. The closeness was a very first. And who would have known that his most terrible opponent would be good at it ?

****

Some blissfully long minutes passed without even the sound of the crackling fire being heard. “My Lord, I...” Loki tried again. This hugging was pleasurable but he had to stop it and make Thor understand. He had to be sure... “Thor.” Cut the Thunderer, but without impatience. “Thor.” Meekly repeated Loki “I beg you to forgive me, to forgive my brothers... My country needs us to...” “Hush, Little One.” Thor murmured against Loki's hair. Their perfumed scent was intoxicating and it was an ordeal for Thor not to manhandle Loki and... But he still had some gray cells left. “There is nothing to forgive. You were only acting as you were told to. You have nothing to fear from me.” “But, my brothers... Jotünheim … ?” Loki couldn't believe he was that lucky to be spared the Thunder God's wrath. Thor sighed. “Loki, I am vexed but I am not that petty. I will do nothing that would provoke another war. If your brothers play their part, I shall play mine.” Loki was astonished. Thor seemed sincere. And tired, very tired. Probably disappointed too, but not plotting a bloody revenge. Loki sighed of relief. “I am so very grateful... Thor.” He tried. They remained silent for a few minutes. Not knowing what to do with each other, not knowing if they had to grab the remains of their dignities on the ground and march their opposite paths or stay and pretend that something was not happening between them both. Whatever it might be...

“I am still very sorry for not doing... What you expected me to do...” Loki insisted. Thor gave a tiny laugh. “I'll survive, Little One. The question is what are we both going to do ?” Loki pondered this. Indeed, no matter how long he had stayed there, his brothers weren't too discreet about the fact that their baby brother had been summoned to Thor's chambers for the night. It was an open secret and everybody will pretend nothing happened and that they didn't hear nor see anything for appearance's sakes.

But both Asgard and the Jötnar legacy would know that Loki had been alone with Thor long enough to consider the Jotünn Prince as Thor's new concubine.

Rules regarding mating were looser in Asgard than in Jotünheim. Common-law marriages and “menages” were rather ordinary and considered as a harmless way of life. Concerning the Royals, they could gladly take anyone they fancied. Even hostile realms could be proud that one of their elite had been successfully throwing himself or herself at one of the ruling Asgardian feet. Everyone could gain something valuable in the bargain. So everyone was happy and closing their eyes on this obvious diplomatic high-class prostitution. Loki realized he had been part of an hypocritical system based on people's lust and stupidity. Or maybe on everyone's opportunism. Politics were a bitch, really...

Anyway, by the fact that he had gone to Thor's room and stayed there, even for a short time, had made him the next hot topic in court. No one would stress on the fact that his brothers almost dragged him there... The deed was done but, unknown to all and especially to Loki's brothers, not completed. If anyone knew that Loki and Thor did nothing but talk, they would be in trouble. Having sex was harmless, talking could imply double play, spying activities, treachery, anything that could be suspicious... The situation between Asgard and Jötunheim was holding up by a thin thread and a fragile truce. The least tiny rumor could provoke another war. Loki had been sure that his brothers wanted to secure a lasting peace, whatever the cost (including their brother's chastity) and he had actually believed that Thor desperately wanted another go at the blood bath. He was right in a way for the second point. But what Loki couldn't know right now was that Thor's carefully controlled little world was currently falling apart... Thor, on his side, never had to think hard to protect his status or even more his life. He had taken everything for granted. He was not dumb, he was born with a silver spoon of gargantuan dimensions in his mouth. So he had some excuses for being blind, death and mute...

For the first time in his life, Thor had been told “No.” For the first time in his life, he felt he had been actually told the truth.

And now, while Loki was thinking of easy ways that could help him and Thor to get of this mess without any more aggravation, Thor was silently making a review of his former liaisons. And what he was remembering gave him shivers at the light of the recent incident. He remembered a handsome Einherjar with dark hair and blue eyes and a dashing smile Thor never entirely forgot. He had been much younger then. He had been swept off his feet and had a sweet time of unrelenting passion. Then one day, his lover mentioned a position in the Northerner garrison that seemed interesting. In a by-the-way tone of voice. Wanting to please his beloved, Thor endeavored to obtain the situation for him. And when it was secured, the Einherjar had come with tears on his face and a sad smile that he had to go there earlier than expected for he feared that Odin All-Father suspected something about their relationship. Thor had swallowed this and had let his lover go, totally distraught. He had never heard of him since... Thor now realized that, whether that man had feelings for him or not, he had fooled him for social climbing. Years later, on another occasion (and that brought horror in Thor's heart), there had been that Vanir Duke's young daughter. A redhead with misty green eyes. Thor recalled how shaky she was the first time he had invited her to his room. Thor remembered now the tremor in her voice when she told him she loved him. The strange facial expressions she had in bed...

In the light of Loki's attitude, he realized the girl had been forced to go to Thor for diplomatic reasons. Probably for a chance of becoming the next queen, or at least the official mistress. Exactly like Loki.

Thor now understood what had really happened with those two. But how many others ? How many came to him with an agenda or pressured to go ? He could almost see some of them with trembling smiles and cast down eyes. Thor had thought then that they were shy or impressed. Although they were probably as terrified as Loki. That also explained why some of them, mostly the younger girls, went away so fast once Thor made it clear he was not ready to marry yet... Thor was feeling dirty from head to toes, as if he had been drenched in mud and filthy water... He was wondering what in the Norns' names in his sentimental life was real after all...

Loki moved his head from Thor's shoulders to look at Thor's eyes. “Are you angry with me ?” Thor woke up from his dreary thoughts. The bright red lights were fixed on him with anxiety. They were the present and Thor was currently sticking his head in the past. “No, Little One... I was just thinking.” He caressed Loki's silky dark hair. “What are we going to do ?” Loki said then hesitated. “... Thor ? Do you want me to leave ?” Thor continued his caresses, lost in his mind. “No, you are staying with me tonight.” Loki trembled under Thor's hand. He sadly smiled. “Fear not, Little One. We can share one bed and simple sleep in it. I won't do a thing...” Loki breathed more easily. It made sense. No need to sneak out to his room in confusion and shame. He would have had no intimacy there. He would be tracked down and interrogated by his brothers the minute he stepped out of Thor's rooms. He would be spied on and surrounded by voracious courtiers, greedy for juicy details the next day... And he would be expected to lie and keep lying until he finally came back home. If they let him go back home... A cold thought crossed his mind he quickly suppressed. He was surprised to realize that Thor's bedroom was the safest place he could be. Thor's presence, maybe his only security. “You want us to pretend we are... That we did...” Thor smiled sadly. “Your brothers are assholes. They knew what they were doing and I am perfectly sure they had spread the word about tonight. They are going to brag and demand favors to my father. Oh, in a subtle manner, of course, but my father will make some concessions to avoid your father's anger. If they think I have seduced a Jötunn prince... They could go to war again to save your honor.”

Loki felt as if Thor's words had struck him like a lightning. In seconds, he knew exactly what his family had planned. He had to keep under control a need to vomit.

“Little One ? Are you alright ?” Thor panicked seeing Loki turn pale gray again. Loki clenched his teeth. “ Thor, Farbauti will not be offended. Or at least, he will pretend to be offended and so will Laufey, my mother. They will exactly know what to do to blackmail your father and play the victims here. It was their trap, Thor. It wasn't my brothers' idea …” Or maybe it was probably Býleistr's, Loki thought, but he had no proof. “It was my parents'. They set everything up to turn the peace treaty in their favor...” Thor paled. It did make sense. He sighed heavily. “Clever. We are stuck.” He grimly said. Loki tried to think at light-speed. And then, inspiration. “No, we are not.” He calmly said, now back into control. “We need to turn the trick against them.” Thor looked at Loki, not comprehending. “They expect you to hide our little tryst. They think you are going to be ashamed of bedding me and will leave me once you get tired of my body. Then, they will cry rape and want to publicly accuse you for defiling me. So, we mustn't hide. We must pretend we are lovestruck and parade around. You are to pretend you are madly in love with me and worship me.” Loki was excited. He was going to teach his family a lesson in manipulation. “You are going to give me all the respect due to a royal consort and act as if we are officially bounded. If I am publicly recognized as a concubine, there is no offense ! We can be one of your short-term common-law marriages !” Indeed, there was a law in Asgard allowing couples to contract a bound for a year or two that helped them see if they were fit to be married for good. It they weren't, they could separate without bitterness and their rights intact. “So, they won't say a thing for you'll be honoring Jötunheim without degrading yourself. Our little show will be the proof that an union is possible between our realms and my parents will be muzzled for good !” Loki was almost clapping his hands for joy. He was so relieved at what his cleverness had concocted that he didn't notice Thor's sad smile. “So, we'll have to pretend we're in love ?” Loki happily nodded. Still unaware of Thor's bittersweet mood. “You don't mind, do you ?” Loki finally said, realizing that something was off with Thor. “I would have thought of something else but... It is the easiest way to avoid another conflict or any humiliation on either side.” Thor gave a hearty laugh. “You are a very clever little one ! You are right, that's the easy way. We'll do as you said but can we go to bed now ? I am exhausted...” Loki was astonished. This was the bloody monster he had seen butchering his own ? He looked older, tired. Far more less impressive than the last time. He was casually undressing as if Loki wasn't here anymore. Keeping only his breeches, Loki couldn't help but notice the broad shoulders, the finely muscled back. He surprised himself by feeling a tingle of warmth. He had no idea what it meant. “You mean... Go to sleep ?” “What else ?” Thor laughed. “Let's start the party. Let's go to bed and stay there until morning. When the servants will come tomorrow, they'll see I am not alone and the set will be in motion !” Thor carelessly threw his shirt on a chair and hoped on the bed. He patted the covers on his side. “Come on, Little one. It's very late and we'll need to be fresh and alert tomorrow ! We need a well deserved sleep to catch the little plotters !” Loki meekly came. He was back to his fears, although rather muffled. He was determined to keep his nightshirt. He felt better about Thor but he did not entirely trust him. He snuggled under the covers next to his warmth. But nothing more occurred on this particular night.

Except that Loki was actually sleeping with someone for the first time ever in his young life.

****

On the next morning, the servants knew his Highness had spent quite an agreeable night (nothing new, there.) and that his current love affair had not left the building yet (now, that was something quite rare...). Needless to say, when they discovered in the bed the Runt Prince's fluffy dark hair and his red eyes with marks underneath, proofs of his Highness' virility, they almost dropped the breakfast tray.

Everything went very fast. Thor acted like a satisfied macho man during breakfast, making a fuss of a shy and embarrassed Loki all the time the servants were cleaning up the place. They got dressed (but Loki avoided taking a bath at the same time Thor's did) and went to the great hall for the morning meeting. Loki had his heart in his heels all the way to it. Once in the hall, it was like a public proclamation of their bound. Loki was dark blue with confusion. Coming and being announced together was a display of what they wanted people to believe. It was as if Thor was proclaiming to all asunder “Look what I have shagged tonight !” Loki was not really ashamed but he wanted to hide. Especially when he saw his brothers' infuriated faces. This was not going the way they intended it to be. They had told Loki to leave, once the dirty business done, so that they could complain the “forced maiden's” sob story. And now their carefully prepared plans were totally ruined and they were not the happy bunny. Curiously, Loki lacked courage in front of them. He couldn't confront them yet. But he took a deep breath and ignored their furious glares. Of course, Thor insisted for Loki to sit next to him. Which wasn't planned by protocol.

Loki had nothing to fear from his brothers, for Thor was not leaving his side for one second. He was casually holding Loki's shoulders with one arm, or his hand, as he would his spouse. He was clearly displaying Loki. But as long as they were together, neither Býleistr nor Helblindi could approach him. As for the rest of the assembly and Thor's parents, they were indeed in shock. Frigga was very much displeased. She had guessed her son was highly interested in the Jötnar prince but she had no idea he would make his move so fast ! Now, they would have to mix private affairs with political and public ones and she simply hated that. She hoped that, at least, this surprising alliance would prove that a rapprochement with the two countries was indeed possible. Odin was fuming. His damn son and his damn d... He couldn't believe that he was again stuck in his love mess. And worse, Farbauti's bastard ?! That mini-giant lurking in his palace ?! How could his own son have so much bad taste ?! Norns ! This embassy was turning into a nightmare with his son getting involved with the worst suitor EVER ! He was clutching at his spear Gungnir so hard he could have broken it. Frigga, who knew him as her soul-mate, had to give a look that said “Let me deal with this.” It helped Odin to breathe. Frigga was the mistress of damage control. He just hoped there wasn't not too much damage right now.

To say that the day was a turning point was an understatement. Asgardian were shocked that the Prince was so carefree. That he was an insatiable lover and wanted many encounters was certainly renown and no one dared to question him that. He was not yet married after all... But he had a duty to the realm and the fact that he paraded around with the crippled child of Asgard's mortal foe was incomprehensible... Loki had felt his heart beating wildly in his chest all day long. He had felt the heavy looks of the whole court and the daggers his brothers' eyes were constantly throwing at him. Everyone everywhere were an enemy to him, or at least an antagonist. And yet he had never felt so safe, as long Thor was near. Not in his whole life. Thor was not leaving his side, making him talk at the council and asking for his opinion. It gave Loki surprised glances from the members for no one would have thought the runt would also have had a bright mind. Loki became a subject of admiration after the awe his new suspicious status gave him... Thor made him drink from his own glass, eat from his own plate and from his favorite dishes. Thor made him sit next to him every time, danced only with him in the evening... Only one moment, Thor really had to leave him alone for his mother wanted a private chat with him. Loki braced himself. Even with Thor's Einherjar bodyguards, he knew his brothers were coming at him full force. He had to be ready...

****

Frigga was massaging her temples. They were hurting bad as they did every time she was stressed, confused or angry. What her son said was not she was expecting to hear. “Are you sure they were going to use that boy to put pressure on us ?” Even for her, it sounded too cruel. She, most of all, knew what ruling a kingdom entailed. Sacrifices, compromising, ugly little deals that make you feel sick and dirty but... This ? Selling your own flesh and blood ? “If Loki had been female, they would have proposed her to you in decent matrimony... But him being a male and knowing your tastes...” She gave a hard look at his son who had the decency to look ashamed. “It was easy to lure you...” “Mother, I have it under control. Loki and I will play our part. We will see that Jötunheim will be settled with honors and peace will prevail...” Frigga sighed. “This idea is not so bad. We'll have a secured peace without too much compromises. They'll be forced to maintain their greediness under control... But what about you, son ?” “What about me ?” Thor tried to remain aloof. Frigga's expression told him she was not going to be fooled. “And that boy, Thor ?” She insisted. “His name is Loki and what about him, mother ?” “Do your really believe his brothers will calmly accept the fact he had betrayed them ?”

****

Here they were, all anger and self-righteousness. Helblindi was so red he looked about to burst. Býleistr was so pale he looked almost white but Loki knew it was also out of rage. They were walking towards him as if ready to trample him down. “You bastard...” Hissed Helblindi in his face. “You thought you were going to run away with this ?”