#i'm so sorry i have the brain of a diseased squirrel

[chunkyrabby]

spent all day thinking of a funny joke about my kink for dumbification not being necessary because i'm already dumb only to realize it's true because why the HELL have i been struggling for 2 days to figure out how to let non-moots message me only to realize i read the messaging prompt wrong.

i have spent 2 days trying to find the option only to finally actually use my eyeballs to read it and realize i opted into it.

[sullina]

I used to have an official ADHD diagnosis when I was a child, but upon reaching adulthood learned, I need to be rediagnosed to continue to receive aid and haven't been able to do so yet even years after reaching adulthood. Over time, I have noticed, while doing my own research, and also because I have family that is on the spectrum, that a lot of symptoms for autism seem to match me as well. I am not in a position to get the official diagnosis, which is why I don't put a label on it when asked directly... but I know for a fact I'm neurodivergent and heavily suspect ADHD/Autism and potentially anxiety as well. I'm sorry if you don't want to hear this. You just seem like a safe space to vent based on your blog content. If you want, you can just delete this

I'm not an expert of any kind to speak about this, but I can say that 1) I'm really sorry you have to get rediagnosed. Like, that just sounds like absolute bullshit from the medical industry, like it's pretty well known by now that things like adhd and autism don't just go away.

adhd and autism (and definitely other neurodivergencies, but i mostly know those two) make your actual brain and body work different from neurotypicals, it's literally impossible to outgrow it. You just learn to deal with it when you become an adult, not because you grow out of it, but because as an adult, you now largely have agency over where you are and what you do. Not in every single situation, but in the sense that when you notice that a situation is stressing you out, you can now just leave instead of being forced to stay, which is a pretty big deal.

and 2) I wholeheartedly support self-diagnosis. Many people can't get an official diagnosis, be it because of long wait times, lack of insurance/money for it (esp. in the USA, but other places as well), or even just prejudice in the medical field. And most people still think of autism and adhd as like "5 year old boy disease that only small little boys have, you're an adult woman and you act NOTHING like this very small still-almost-toddler boy with autism/adhd that i know, so you can't have adhd/autism", which is just- Sometimes, i do wonder if other people can hear themselves talk, you know? Like, they're alive, but are they capable of cognitive thinking? Do they know that a 5 year old boy and an adult woman (or any adult really, including adult men) are not the same, just because they both have adhd and/or autism? Do they really think we can't grow and learn? You can just always tell that these kinds of people don't see us as real and full human people.

and personally, i legit do not see why self-diagnosis is so stigmatized, and it seems like it's largely stigmatized by people who do not have any neurodivergence. This whole "don't turn a serious thing into a joke"-argument is just stupid as hell, because there's loads of people who are actively making fun of us, and reducing things like adhd to "quirky disease" and "omg, squirrel!", when it can be legitimately debilitating. But in my personal experience, self-diagnosis is more like "oh my god, there's a reason I've been struggling so much my whole life, I'm not a lazy piece of shit, I'm just disabled". And to me, this has lowkey been groundbreaking, because i finally knew what was wrong! And I'm pretty confident in saying that a lot of people who self-diagnose also feel this way.

Sorry, this kinda turned into a vent of my own. But yeah, I feel your anger and I also hope you feel better after venting. I know I always do <3