#i'm queueing these up in so much advance i'll have time to think

[whos-hotter-jjba]

Preliminary Match 28 - Hottest JoJo Character Bracket

[strongheartneteyam]

I wet you like water but she stained you like blood.

Chapter 2

Pairing: widowed!dilf!Jake Sully x younger!female!human reader

CW: angsty as hell, Neytiri is dead in this AU, unrequited love, older man & younger woman relationship (y/n is in her 20's), feeling like you're only there to fill in the gap someone else left (Neytiri, in this case), mentions of death and being a widow, complex feelings, talks of trauma, CAN BE TRIGGERING TO SOME, mentions of sex, mentions of sexual fluids, reader feeling guilty about being with Jake not long after Neytiri's death

Not proofread. And I can't even read what I just wrote, without even correcting it, because I have to feed my cat and take care of dinner right now. I'm just praying this stuff makes sense. I'll correct any mistakes as soon as I can. Sorry in advance lol This amateur writer here never has enough time on her hands...... 🥲

Chapter 1 𓆩♡𓆪

You're so much older and wiser

And I wait by the door like I'm just a kid

Use my best colors for your portrait

Lay the table with the fancy shit

And watch you tolerate it

If it's all in my head tell me now

Tell me I've got it wrong somehow

tolerate it (Taylor Swift)

𓆩♡𓆪

Jake was a widowed father of 4, he was an attractive, responsible, charming, older man. And he was also funny when he was just chilling, hanging around his friends or his family. Last but not least: he had a delicious "dad bod", a word people came up with to describe older men who are still toned but have some cute fat here and there.

You were a girl in your 20's, a young xenobotanist living in Pandora, who used to spend her nights alone, eating cup noodles, watching and rewatching old TV shows from when the planet Earth was still a place where humans could actually live in, and feeling lonely. So, when Jake Sully got his eye on you, you fell head over heels for him.

You knew well you could never replace Neytiri. Even after her death, she still had a place in Jake's heart that nobody, not even you, would ever be able to claim as yours.

Still, you could not let Jake go. Still, you insisted in staying. Still, you didn't seem to love yourself enough to say to yourself "I deserve better" and wait for a guy who actually loves you, not one that seemed to only love your company and well... your body most of all, as it seemed.

Okay, maybe you shouldn't think this bad of Jake. You knew he felt really connected to you, in a deep level. You two would talk late at night and he would always be vulnerable and tell you about real personal and deep stuff about his life - the one in the human body and the one in the na'vi body -, while the both of you would eat roasted meat and fungi, up in some tree in the middle of the Pandoran forests. But you knew he did not love you. Even if you could feel his heart beating fast through his chest when he kissed and touched you, away from everyone, never in front of anybody, because you two were adults and knew damn well that situation, him seeming like he was so happy and living his best life with another woman, a much younger human girl, who was at an age where she could actually be his daughter, wouldn't sit right with anybody, not human, not na'vi - given that he had children that were still mourning the death of their mother (one of them being a little girl, Tuktirey).

That sacred feeling, love, was saved inside of Jake's heart for Neytiri, his deceased mate, even after death. He bonded with her through tsaheylu. You, as only a human, no neuro queue to connect with his in sight, knew you could never compare to that primal bond he had experienced with her. But worst of all (you felt horrible saying "worst of all" but you knew you didn't mean it like that, like you didn't care about other people's feelings), Neytiri was the mother of his children. She might be with Eywa now but you knew Jake would always remember her looking all beautiful and incredibly feminine carrying his first born, Neteyam Sully, and his other two biological children in her belly (Kiri was adopted after her biological mom died, a dear friend of the couple, Grace Augustine. Kiri was a miracle kid. Her mother was bearing her inside of her body after her own death, inside the lab. That was crazy stuff your human mind would never understand, you thought. Only the na'vi could understand the magnitude of Eywa's power. You yourself knew she was strong and respected her but didn't love and worship her like they did.)

Thinking about the way Jake must still adore the memory of Neytiri and think about her and even cry missing her gave you a big lump in your throat and made you wanna throw up. You felt like the worst being in the Universe thinking like that, but you swore, truly, that feeling that way was not you being a petty selfish girl, jealous of the man you were currently in a situationship with and not even considering to have some respect for his grief and the grief of his children - who had just lost their mother -, but it was actually the love you felt for Jake manifesting in your body, in a psychosomatic way. The pain and desperation you felt thinking about the possibility of him never getting over Neytiri made you sick to your stomach, it made the bones inside of your flesh ache.

The first time you saw him talking to Norm one day at the lab, his tall, large frame in all its glory, his blue skin so beautiful, his dark blue stripes adorning his whole body in intricate patterns, his long brown hair falling on his toned back, his tail looking so cute, reminding you of a kitty cat.... "I'm fucked" You thought to yourself. "Am I really catching feelings for this older na'vi man who will probably never want me in this way?! Damn, he's still mourning his dead mate.... Neytiri died not even a whole year ago... I must be evil to be thinking about him this way at this moment. Stop that, you crazy stupid heartless girl."

You looked at him again and he was smiling, his fangs touching his lower lip. He had such a cheerful, precious smile, even though you knew he had been through a whole lot of pain and trauma in his life. "He must be really strong and resilient. That's beautiful." You thought to yourself

Jake Sully had the right amount of muscles but still had soft flesh in all the right places, his tummy just perfect enough for you to be able to squeeze it if you wanted to, his thighs thick but the muscles were balanced with sweet softness. He made you feel a raw kind of heat in your lower belly and think about him just before sleep, like you were a damn schoolgirl. Sometimes (okay, many times...) he made your panties slick with your own juices when you imagined him taking you in his arms and kissing you hard, dominating you like you were his. Which you wished you were. Until one day that wish was fulfilled. You were in cloud nine when that happened.

Jake had been in the marines back when he was human and lost the movement of his legs, being left needing a wheelchair to move himself around and do day to day activities. He lost his twin brother back on Earth, too, after he - Tommy - had been mugged. And now, he had just lost his wife to death too and was left alone to take care of his 4 children. Poor thing must have PTSD, if the na'vi brains were able to have the same disorders as humans brains had. You didn't know, to be honest. You were a xenobotanist. Your area of expertise was the biology of extraterrestrial plants, not the biology of extraterrestrial bodies.

The fact that he still was capable of irradiating happiness through his eyes, smile, voice and overall presence made you weak with admiration. And love, you must say. Because thats what you were: weak and in love, all for and with Jake Sully.

Too bad his feeling were not even close to being the same as yours. He loved you as a friend and he lusted over your body. He wanted to protect you from any harm anyone could ever do to you. The bitter part of it all is: he could never protect you from the harm he himself did to you. The harm being giving you pieces of what could be his love, but it wasn't. That was the worst crime he could ever commit against you. At least that's what the pungent pain deep inside the arteries of your heart told you. Every night. Every time you remembered he didn't love you, but he loved Neytiri. Everytime you got reminded of the fact that you were alive and she was dead but you still were not his favorite.

Goddammit. How did you end up competing with a dead na'vi woman over a na'vi man's love? You sure were losing your mind.

But falling in love with Jake Sully proved to you that you were not the nerdy science girl who used to always put reason first and feelings last, that you always thought you were. Not when it came to love, at least. Or not when it came to this relationship.

𓆩♡𓆪

If any of you wanna be in the taglist for this fanfic, just leave a comment 🤍 ily n hope you're having a nice day/night 💓⚘

[trickscourse]

vpn is a thing and i'm not sure what you mean by the bigot thing because i'm talking about the asks that ask you questions about your ex-friends, not the hate asks (which btw while some have valid points, you do get weirdo ones too). it's either her or the rebuttal mods sending the ones talking about your ex-friends because i can't believe anyone else is that invested in the lore or is so hung up on your ex-friends (also arty is still misgendering hussel in the asks to you) regardless, i do hope you're doing well in the psych ward, and you're able to detox from everything that has gone on and hopefully learn to move on from this. that's good healing. is a bit disappointing tho that you're still talking obsessively about your ex-friends (who aren't stalkers or your abusers or fans but whatever) despite many of them not talking about you anymore, or only when your rebuttal blog wants to stir. again: if you and your close irl friends who run the rebuttal blog just. stop. they will stop. maybe try not saying anything about them for a week and see what happens?

I know which messages are hers and which aren't based on how theyre phrased and what phone they're coming from, most of the messages are coming from an Android and she has an iphone. I went with her when she went to go get it.

There are people that are invested, I know Ambrose and Jack are still watching from a weird distance and while I think both of them are genuinely fucking insane even though I feel bad for Ambrose for how we treated him and I'm not going to call him a friend because he wasn't, he's entitled prick best and an enabled and a hypocrite at worst.

TBH I hope you realize that even when I'm not on my phone here Arty has any chance to call me that she can use and has used it before, her host will call me about important things and bring my mail and food sometimes but it's mostly just Arty as a concept and not her entire system. When the mods call me to talk about this I'll usually just hang out because I don't like being a stressed as I am and it's not helping me get any better.

I'm not as obsessed as you think I am, this blog's queue runs about six times a day and I schedule some stuff randomly in advance but most my recovery is talking about being a victim of stalking, actual stalking and dealing with being in an abusive family and possibly never able to get out of it.

I'm calling my ex friends "my fans" because of how much they're genuinely obsessed with the situation and will not shut up about it, to the point where mutual friends who don't know everything or that who's doing what or who the alleged stalker might be have brought it up to me and vague concern for both sides.

Last time I checked rebuttal mostly runs on submissions in a very crappy version of the queue, I don't care what they do and I've told them to politely keep me out of it to the point where I have them blocked and they if

I gave up on being friends with Roma a long time ago and asked them multiple times to not come to my job but they chose to anyway, I'm not going to comment about them possibly scamming money after they accused me of doing the same thing because it's not worth it.

The best thing I can recommend is for everyone to drop everything so there won't be any more submissions. The only reason why I keep this blog up to begin with is so someone doesn't steal the username and roleplay as me or something and there's other things I want to talk about on here

[iasmelaion]

what happens when you listen to three audiobooks in like a week and a half

We've been at trial for like the past two weeks at work, which means I have been alone in the office, with approximately 2 hours worth of work to do every day max, mostly just there to answer frantic emails and texts about "what exhibit number is [vague and potentially inaccurate description of email or other document]?" and occasionally file supplemental trial briefs. Anyway, it's all up to the jury now! Only not now now because it is a court holiday and because this case lives to torment me and never ever ever finish ahahaha it's fine i'm fine, we better win.

Anyway, all of that is to say I was bored as hell so I decided to finally finish listening to the audiobook of Gideon the Ninth, which I had started listening to LAST FEBRUARY. You can perhaps guess that, as good as the audiobook narration was, I was not entirely feeling the book. Ahaha. Ha. I was already mentally writing my Goodreads review, complaining about how yes, the narrative voice is great, and yeah, the set up and genre mashup are fun (lesbian necromancers in space! country manor mystery! slasher horror!), but there's just not enough context and the worldbuilding is so vague and what are the overarching stakes even. And then the last 1/3 of the book happened, and I listened to all three current books in the series in like a week and a half and I have spent the last two days rotating these characters in my head and reading meta and such. Sorry in advance about how in approximately two weeks time, my queue will be full of TLT shit.

Spoilers and assorted jumbled reactions below, because I'm not about to ramble like this on goodreads. But real talk, I have skimmed so much spoilery talk/fan art/etc about these books and absolutely none of it made any sense at the time so tbh I don't think it matters all that much if you're spoiled. The spoilers won't even make any damn sense most of the time.

I wish I could give this series some kind of pitch that would, idk, explain it or make it seem enticing, but lol I have no idea where I'd even start. I'll just say that if you are in need of Enrichment in your Enclosure, these books are like being tossed a very meaty bone full of delicious marrow which you can gnaw upon for a good long while.

Gideon's narrative voice is a lot of fun, and I do quite enjoy how she's basically a big lesbian jock, even if that did make a lot of the first book rough going for me because alas, Gideon, bless her, is not interested in much beyond hot ladies, swords, staying alive, and getting off her home planet. And Harrow, of course.

HARROW. For 2/3 of the first book, Gideon hates her passionately, they've been enemies their entire lives, they are vicious and awful to each other. Now, I knew Gideon/Harrow was like THE ship for these books, and I was like "...hm. Listen, I simply do not vibe with this kind of enemyship." But then that last third happened, and auuughhhhh. They're enemies, they were all the other had, they were two rats trapped in a barrel, desperate to get out, clawing and biting and snarling and hurting each other, they were each other's only solace, they were doomed from the start. They've been trapped in a cycle of terrible violence, and I have no idea if they can ever get out. And the love Gideon wants from Harrow is to be used and consumed and destroyed by love, and the love Harrow wants to give is to save her and keep her even if it means forgetting her. Like, y'all, I ship it, but I have no idea how there's any kind of future in it.

And then Harrow the Ninth happened, and goddamn, poor fucking Harrow. I felt for her already after the revelation in Gideon the Ninth, but Harrow the Ninth made me so desperately sad for her.

Good job on the soup though, Harrow!

Also the low key comedy of all of them stuck with each other on the Mithraeum was *chef's kiss*. Just like THE most demented and toxic workplace sitcom while poor Harrow is descending into a total mental breakdown.

The worldbuilding is so fascinatingly, complicatedly BONKERS. Also it's so SPACE CATHOLICISM that I don't even know what to say about it. I'm not qualified. But like. It is. It's so Space Catholicism, but also make it More Goth. And it's clearly concerned with religion and faith and all that, but not in a Narnia kind of way, and I am FASCINATED about where it's all leading to.

What a fucking villain this series has in John Gaius aka God aka Necrolord Prime aka the Prince Undying aka the Emperor of the Nine Houses aka Jod. Just absolutely skin-crawlingly horrible, the literal Worst Person Who Ever Lived, even as he's affable and funny and occasionally endearing and pathetic. And like I'm not even sure all of that stuff is a mask or a cover for his monstrousness! Like I think he genuinely is affable and funny and endearing and pathetic! He is just also quite literally History's Greatest Monster. I'm not sure if he was always like this, though I'm leaning towards him having been an awful man before he became god, in all those quiet, too-easily unnoticed ways men are awful, the moment they have any power over someone. And then Jod gets all the power so of course his awfulness becomes correspondingly greater.

I will say though that Jod's origin story is an actual horror movie, the stuff of nightmares. It's the end of the world because climate change and he and his team are frantically working on some way to save everybody but it doesn't quite work, not well enough, and no one is listening to him, and the clock is ticking down and of course the billionaires have a way out, of course they're gonna get on some space ships and bounce, but what about everyone else? Jod is sure he can save everyone else, if only he had the resources, if only they'd listen to him. And someone was listening, it turns out. Someone--something gives him power. Terrible, terrible power over life and death. And he becomes something else and makes choice after terrible choice, enabled by his friends, and then whoops not whoops! He's killed everybody on the fucking planet and ate the sun and the whole solar system too!! Absolutely terrifying reveal, and it's built up to so well. We spend so much time listening to Jod and so much of what he says is reasonable or understandable, but every so often there's a hint that under his commendable politics and goals and general hapless nerd vibes, there's something else, something much, much worse.

Actually, this whole part would make a truly great horror movie, especially if it starts off as an almost dark comedy that shifts genres as it goes: from dark comedy to suspenseful thriller to eldritch horror.

Also he gets, like, super weird about the cadavers he's been experimenting on. Like, deeply, horrifying creepy and weird about them.

Lotta people get weird about corpses in this series, if I'm being honest.

CAMILLA AND PALAMEDES. I am UNWELL about these two. I am UNHINGED. I am still rotating them in my mind, unable to do much but WEEP. "So...do you ship them??" you might ask. To which I say idk and idc, what does to ship these two even MEAN at this point, they are platonic, they are romantic, they are eros, philia, AND agape, and they're the Love that Is Perfected in Death. The absolute fucking pinnacle of insane codependence. Childhood BFFs who crawled into each other's skins and hearts and souls and never crawled back out. How much more codependent is it possible to get? NONE. NONE MORE CODEPENDENT. They have MERGED THEIR SOULS AND BODIES TOGETHER INTO ONE BEING. [actually, real talk, i am uncertain of the Soul Situation, I am pretty sure they've merged their souls together, but like. idk. they do also say they will be known as themselves "beyond the River" after death] I am WEEPING just THINKING ABOUT IT. That is not fucking hyperbole btw, the mere thought of them basically makes me cry, it's fine, i'm fine. They love each other SO MUCH. I CANNOT HANDLE IT.

Anyway, rather difficult to "ship" a pairing that has become...one person. Like, still willing to make a game go of it even during the period where they're sharing a body, but like. Now they are one person??? Because this is not a Steven Universe-style fusion where Ruby and Sapphire can unfuse from Garnet, Camilla and Palamedes are now one person, no takebacks while they live. I do love Paul though! Fucking adore that some of Paul's first acts as a new person were acts of kindness and mercy. Jod's lyctors are called saints, but I think Paul is the only one who is a saint in truth.

So, a triumph or a tragedy or both that Camilla and Palamedes died to become Paul? Idk! I adored Camilla and Palamedes as individual characters, I adored how in many ways they're the certain, just moral center of this entire series, I love their intelligence and ferocity, and oh, after Nona the Ninth, I loved so much how they loved. Each other, and other people. I loved Camilla using truths like her swords, her dry humor, how she was still so kind even while being an absolute stone cold fucking badass. I loved Palamedes, his brilliance and how he bent basically all that brilliance into helping people. I loved so fucking much that he was the one who figured out that there was a better way to achieve lyctorhood than the way Jod and his lyctors set out for them. I loved that stuck in a bubble in the underworld, with nothing but a terrible erotic novel, he started having serious opinions about said erotic novel and undoubtedly wrote terrible fanfiction in his head about it.

Ahem. Anyway. Abigail Pent and Magnus Quinn were also delightful, and I was especially charmed by the lovely Welsh accents Moira Quirk gives them in the audiobook. Love that Abigail has immensely powerful, friendly mom friend energy while simultaneously being an immensely powerful Eldritch Speaker for the Dead. Gideon observing her all like "ah, her eye contact is...extremely very unsettlingly intense! but also she is wearing an apron and is cheerful so that's alright then."

God, this is really long, sorry to anyone who actually read it, possibly i will reblog with more disjointed thoughts.

[fountainpenguin]

“'I'm doing this all for me!?' ... Dare say that about our love, and mister, I'll have to do away with you...” (x)

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... 7 years ago, I put this chapter preview image in my queue and it's been there ever since. It's this plot point that the entire 130 Prompts project was built around.

We've made it.

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New 130 Reasons Why I'm Fairy Trash update today!

Fairly OddParents || One-Shot - “Grudge”

Read on FFN || Read on AO3

Find more Purple Train story arc HERE

End Arc 2

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Happy Peppy Gary (the teenage boy who used to rule the world) and Denzel Crocker (the school teacher who's spent years fighting to do the same) finally meet for a business proposition. It is raining.

... Where is the portal to Fairy World?

(First 1000 words under the cut)

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21. Grudge

Saturday July 13th, 2002

Year of Leaves; Summer of the Last Berry

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5 minutes after signing the Learnatorium off to Ed Leadly…

Passing by Dimmsdale Elementary leaves him feeling… giddy. Gary clutches his backpack by the shoulder straps, taking in the sight of empty swings squeaking in the wind. They stand like giraffes drinking from the savannah watering hole near the lonely see-saws and jungle gym. It's empty here. Dreary and chilly in the wind, even for a summer evening. And, like… There is something wild, beautiful, and free in witnessing this little slip between horror and peace. It's like peeling back a corner of yellow wallpaper to reveal life and color on the other side..

These days, Gary rarely has a reason to walk by the school. His apartment's in the other direction, closer to the downtown area (Right next to Alden Bitterroot's well). But there was once a time he walked to school five days a week, and five days back the other direction (unless Mr. Sanderson in a rare show of mercy pinged them safely home).

Years ago, back when he was only ten, he used to play on this same old equipment. The school has upgraded to a new slide (with a playful rock wall), but everything still feels so familiar. He could probably run across the playground with his eyes squeezed shut and still manage to run up every step and dive down every slide. And, you know… he'd probably scrape himself up on the woodchips if he did that, but for just two or three fleeting seconds, it might be fun.

Mmm… No. He's having second thoughts about the woodchips. He'd rather have squishy rubber underfoot (or even just grass). Woodchips can pierce skin. They aren't safe. And they're not all that wheelchair-friendly either, which no one in this town seems to think about as much as he and Betty do. There's a reason he applied for a part-time job at the Learnatorium instead of volunteering at the school.

Well. A few reasons. But the illusion of choice lifts his spirits on some of his worse days.

Gary lingers at the edge of a crosswalk. It's gray, gray, gray this afternoon. Not rainy, but threateningly close. The clouds leer downward, erasing shadows from the sidewalk. Gary rocks from heels to toes and back again, waiting for the red hand firm and staring back from him to turn into a welcoming white Cross signal. Does the little glowing figure who lives inside the signal box ever feel like he's drifting through a void? Marching endlessly, stopping often, and never advancing where he'd like to go?

It's Saturday. 7 pm. There aren't many cars out on the weekend, especially since not a lot of people have a reason to stray near the elementary school in the summer. Including him, which is why he walked right past it. Sentimental he may be, but the man he's searching for only works at the school… He won't be there today.

Cars roll past, their tires slick and firm against the street. Gary presses the signal button twice (in case the first push doesn't take) and stares at his reflection in the mounted mirror on the crossing post. It's a big, round mirror, likely put there to help drivers see around the corners, so it's probably unsafe of him to stand directly in front of it, but… in that moment, Gary realizes he doesn't know how long it's been since he last looked himself over in a mirror. Properly, anyway. He doesn't need to very often. The short spikes in his hair don't require much attention (especially because he usually wears a hat). Thanks to his mild genie powers (probably? Maybe? Unclear), he's never had to deal with acne. Every now and then he adds a little eyeliner to his look, but it really depends on the day.

It's… it's been a few months since the last time he did. That stuff runs when you cry. It would give his thoughts away.

Still, Gary grimaces at the face staring back at him now. How long has he looked like a zombie in the mirror? Heavy circles cling beneath his eyes. Is that how Ed Leadly saw him when he came in today? No one he'd believe had authority; no one to take too seriously? (Actually, this adds up. Gary spent last night sleeping on the Learnatorium couch.)

The white walking figure on the crossroad sign blinks on.

I've really grown up. Did I really use to cross this busy street without adult supervision when I was a kid?

Thunder sneers overhead, though the lightning's yet to show its face. Gary keeps his thumbs in the backpack straps. He didn't need to check the address in a phone book. Everyone knows where to find 4158 Woodnick Lane. It's outlived just about everyone in Dimmsdale. It maybe always will.

Gary's halfway there when raindrops start plinking down. They sizzle on his hands. He glances up. Then, yanking the backpack over his head, he breaks into a run. Burn the witch, he thinks snidely, and immediately feels a swell of guilt. Betty, before she lost her memories, always was good at brushing off his self-deprecating thoughts. He brings up the old mantras, playing them through his head as his shoes smack the sidewalk and cars chug, their windshield wipers flinging droplets his direction.

"If you wouldn't say it to a sad child's face, don't say it to yourself."

The rain leaves bubbly welts across his hands. Gary huffs, sprinting for all he's worth, and leaps on a big cement planter just to avoid the gutter spray splash from a car rolling by. His skin throbs, hands thrusting their weird mix of human and genie cells into repairing what damage the water did. Over and over, again and again… one scalding patch of skin at a time. And it looks good as new, until it touches water again.

[Cnt’d - FFN and AO3 links at top]

[rhela-xiv]

Taking a break from my regularly scheduled posting to do this. Advanced warning: rambling incoming. There's been a lot of conversation, and discourse, about whether or not the content in Dawntrail is "too difficult" for casual players. And after the experience I had today, I can't help but wonder if some of that feeling isn't the result of the attitudes of many long-time XIV players. Sure, there's a certain amount of "get good" that goes along with having a character at level 100, but some things just come down to whether or not you've seen a fight before. And are we really giving people the kindness and patience to learn and improve? I spent more than an hour in a level 100 dungeon today. We wiped more than 10 times across all three bosses. This isn't about my frustration with "oh I'll run a quick roulette before lunch" turning into a 75 minute excursion. This is about how the other people in my party reacted, and why I think the XIV community can do better. More under the cut.

I queue into Alexandria as a tank. I see a DPS and a Healer "Viewing Cutscene". "first time, forgive me" pops up, from the healer. "nw~ need me to pull a lil slower?" I don't mind doing that, especially in higher level dungeons where you can easily wipe to trash if someone misses a critical heal, or doesn't see the AoE indicator under the wall-to-wall pack of enemies. We get to the first boss. Which is not an easy boss the first time, or even the fifth time. There's a lot going off on top of each other, the safe spots are small and not always easy to see in the window of time you have to find them, and it's not very forgiving if you miss a mechanic. The healer dies, and despite the best efforts of our summoner to get everyone up again, we wipe. And wipe again. I double check to make sure everyone understands the mechanics, and it's just a timing thing. All good, we keep going. (I'll acknowledge my own failings here, I ate a lot of vuln stacks. Someone stuck a Dorito on me and it was just too much pressure.) And keep wiping. But we're getting further in the fight each time, and cleaner. At some point, the following comes in from the healer: "I'm sorry, I just might not be good enough" And it absolutely gutted me. Because I've been there. As a healer, as a DPS, and even as a tank. When it feels like you're trying your hardest, and you swear you can feel the other pixels on your screen getting more pissed at you by the second. The first time I ran Aurum Vale, I got so frustrated I cried and nearly quit the game. I had a similar experience with Heroes Gauntlet. The people in my parties were flat out -mean- about every missed mechanic, and every death. I still, to this day, with several Extreme clears and at least one Savage clear under my belt, get anxious when Aurum Vale pops up in Leveling. It would have been really easy to let the healer drop out, or kick them, or vote abandon. But what would that really have accomplished other than making someone feel like they're not good enough to enjoy the game that we're all here because we love?

All of this to say: For you, it might be a daily roulette between meetings or on your lunch break or after a long day at work. For someone in your party, that might be their MSQ experience. They might be learning. They might be coming back from a two year break between expansions. It costs absolutely nothing but time and a little bit of patience to be kind. And if we don't give people time and opportunity to learn, the whole community suffers for it. Dying is not the end of the world. Messing up a mechanic is not the end of the world. I've seen a lot of comments about "getting comfortable with messing up" floating around, but that only works if the other people in the party are also comfortable with messing up. With wiping and restarting three, four, TEN TIMES, and continuing on.

It was a level 100 dungeon this time, but I've been in ARR trials where someone queues in to a party that's half sprouts going through the fight for the first time, and gets pissed when there's a wipe. I had someone abandon me with two brand new players fighting Titan for the first time because we wiped twice. And we have to stop doing that to people. I can say for damned sure that the healer I played with today has a much clearer understanding of the mechanics in Alexandria bosses now. Because the party was patient, and gracious about mistakes, and wasn't afraid to own their own mistakes. And the next time they queue in for expert, they'll do better. And if everyone extends the same courtesy I experienced today, the whole community gets better together. Last thing. Rorrie the Summoner from Diabolos, if by some chance this finds you: you have the patience of a saint and you were absolutely the MVP of that run. I hope the people you play with regularly appreciate the hell out of you, because I sure did.

[manonamora-if]

Oh I almost forgot it's Sunday.... And the start of a new month... and it's been 6 months since Jan... I'll do the whole 6month check in later this week... Welps a small one for now!

Because work and other stuff, progress has slowed a bit. MelS is on the last investigation part. And I should be starting the first round of edits next week. Time willing, we maaaaayyyy be looking at a end of July/start of August release???? MelS free time is super limited unfortunately. He tried to add words when he can....

Not a template... BUT AN ACTUAL SUGARCUBE GUIDE!

Making its premiere debut, 85% complete... the Twine SugarCube Guide, covering from the basics of the basics to start out with the format, to ALL the macros, some customisation, and more advanced stuff.

Get your guide today!!!!

Did you know I've been pretty much working on it only for the past... three weeks or so?

My final entry for the Neo Twiny Jam: Clarence Street 14. Completed in 3hs (and I had dinner in between). It's pretty ugly, and the story is not much brighter...

I wasn't thinking much when I wrote it. It came pretty much by itself while I was struggling to create a 500-only parser for the jam (next year!).

An Eggcelent Preparation ranked 6th at the Text-Adventure Literacy Jam. While it is in the bottom-half of the ranking, I received an overall of 3.510/5 (or 7/10 ~with 17 votes), which is crazy high for a ranked jam! Lots of really good entry indeed!! Very tough competition, with mainly experienced creators!

And for a first proper parser try, I'm pretty happy with myself. I received 2 glowing reviews as well! This is a proper win, right there!

I'm going to do a post-mortem to wrap up this project, sometimes this month....

NOTE: the game page of the English version might disappear, in preference to the French/OG one (which I need to update). I will notify it here as well, but just in case, here's a head's up!

A few hours left for latecomers to submit to the Neo Twiny Jam..

And then I will be wrapping it all up :)

In the meantime, all entries have been played ! and reviewed on @manonamora-if-reviews (it might be in the queue if not posted). I've been so busy this week...

~~~~

Some random stuff:

I need to update my website at one point, I haven't since may, and EDOC doesn't have a page yet (neither are the other jams mentioned....)

I may or may not have sent an intent to participate in the IntroComp to test out an idea that has been floating in my brain for a while. Whether it happens is another story.

You can submit an intent to the Intro Comp (I won't this year, really can't).

Anti-Romance Jam is ending in less than 2 weeks!!!! Get your submissions in!!

A bit less than 2 months to submit to the Orifice Jam as well!

Another non-ranked SFW jam will be popping up soon-ish.

Also another thing this week will be dropping (in relation to jams)

I think that's IT!

~toodles~

[undertheflagrp]

SO LONG FOR NOW

hi everyone! if you've been keeping an eye on us you may have noticed we didn't have a queue on monday at all. this was actually totally an accident and just a case of me (admin eirika) being so busy that i simply forgot, but it served as a bit of a "sign" of a sort for me. i started a new full time job in november, and am taking a class that is a lot of work, on top of other responsibilities. it's left me with very little free time, so i have to choose what i spend that free time on wisely. i always said i would keep running under the flag as long as i was enjoying it and someone else was too. recently, though, doing the queue and daily updates has felt like more of a chore to me than anything else. it makes me incredibly sad because i love this universe and the memories i've made here. mod mercedes offered to take over doing the queue for me, but i don't think that would relieve the stress of me feeling responsible for a roleplay when i don't have the time or motivation for it anymore. so, with that, under the flag will be closing to the public, at least for now. the roleplay has mostly just been made up of a core group of friends for several months now anyway, so i'm making a compromise, and instead of just abandoning the under the flag universe altogether, i'll leave it as a private group. that means under the flag members can continue roleplaying here, as can anyone else that has my personal contact information <3 when i have time, i may still update the event and enemies blogs to advance the story for the few of us that remain, but otherwise, there will no longer be any public activity from the main starting now. i'm going to officially free myself of regular admin duties and let this entirely be a hobby, and i think it will be refreshing. if anyone was interested in joining us and feels disappointed seeing this, i'm sorry! thank you for your interest in under the flag, and thank you to everyone that has been a part of this roleplay's journey at any point since it began last summer. seeing people enjoy this place that i put so much work into has really made me so happy, and i loved being your admin eirika. maybe one day i will be again, but it's a title i'll retire for now and look upon fondly. thank you again for everything 💓

[tenrose]

Seriously who does this? Starting earlier than the announced schedule? We are in fucking France we start LATE 😤

[bluewinnerangel]

DEMY ARE YOU STILL WITH US?!

CAN YOU CONFIRM HE IS IN FACT REAL?!

I am on the other side of the world and still can’t move on from this. How does anyone with daily contact with him survive?

ALSO HIS SHIRT. ALSO HIS LIL CURL His curl I couldn't stop watching.... I got the good stuff men i was bless-ed my show fucking ruled so fking hard

Also orange shirt plus Teenage Dirtbag in Amsterdam? This plus that equals:

Also

I just wanna put this pic somewhere too where he might or might not be looking at me and my funny lil shirt im not gonna tell u what it is because i might wanna wear it again and i don't need to be recognised but like who knows its half a pixel but I love these pics lol like the experience bro to experience HIM. LIKE. HE'S REAL. HE'S THERE AND HE WAS SO GOOD. SO AMAZING.

Okay I'll try to stop all-capsing now and tell you all about it. Gonna put a cut in because BLAAAAA about the entire thing including a lot of personal experience queueing and seeing the fans and stuff so if you're here to read a beautiful written concert review about all the songs you're shit outta luck that mans everything i have no words for how mindblowing it was but ill throw some pics at the end to make up for all the rambling ok:

Before the concert - So first of all I have to acknowledge how much of a privilege it is to even be able to watch him like that, not just that he's got a show somewhere close enough to you it doesn't cost you a fortune to even be there (and then still.. to even be able to afford a ticket), and managing to get a ticket in the first place, but I joined the queue in the afternoon the day before in order to be sure of a good spot without being an asshole about it sdfasd (with that I mean, others ensured their spots with other tactics causing quite the.. vibe.. at the front there. It's not even the "cutting line" I'm bothered by it's the part where they'd just brag over and over how they did that. Like you're trying to make people around you feel like shit or start an argument like do you wanna get punched by a horde of exhausted people or what like let's just all enjoy the show instead maybe). Anyway about the privilege thing. You have to be able to afford the time and money to accommodate yourself and also.. who the fuck does that for anyone? that's insane it's absolute fucking insanity what the fuck are all of us what the fuck does this man do to us that we do that for him like it's. ridiculous. I can't believe how willing I was to do that ksadjlakj. I didn't think I was. I don't think it makes sense to do this. I'm gonna be honest here I don't enjoy this aspect of the fandom, this need to be in the first box of people to enter, to run to barricade (tbh that part was kinda fun), to exhaust yourself for 24+ hours, remove comfort, perhaps endanger yourself if you aren't able to do it properly for health reasons or just naivety or whatever, to all keep inching the time you need to be there to get a regular spot further up and up and up as tour goes on until people are claiming the venue doors a full 2 days in advance. And even on the day like if you wanna be in the first 2000 to get in you need to be there for like 8 hours (im just saying numbers here like these are prob total bs but you get the point) like either you camp to be in the first lil clump of people that are let in, or you just arrive just before it starts. Those are your options really. To be honest I wasn't planning on sitting there for 24hrs but I did, like on the spot I decided to stay, because I was there the day before just to bring my friends ( @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk and partner <3 EDIT: @caralara !!! I didn't know if you wanted to be tumblr official so I didn't tag but EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HI) some stuff for camping and then the plan was for me to go to sleep and join them early morning. But once the system was explained it was clear that would mean a lot of queueing by myself and I just wanted to be with them so I stayed and we managed and were somehow still prepared even though it was an improvised thing. It was actually really fun, I didn't mind any of it really. But that was 100% the company. And in that regard I do get this whole... situation we got going on before every show where fans are just all have a big camp out. It's addictive even, it's part of the whole experience, I do really get it, but for that aspect of it, not for the need to be at the front over and over again. That's just... an amazing perk then. Like really I'd queue again if there are people in it that I wanna hang out with and I wouldn't see them otherwise, but in no way am I sitting outside for that long solely to get a good spot at a concert. Even if that's louis. And the best fucking thing I've ever seen. Anyway on friday we just snoozed with a view of the tour bus which was like.. a night under the stars get it asddsf. The next day we sat in the front lil box for the special first 150 and it was funny to recognize a lot of common fandom faces and then figuring out from what exactly.

I also talked to one of the people working at the venue, and they said they've only seen something similar 4 or 5 events in the 20 years they've been doing this work, but they were all huge and in Ziggo Dome, another venue at that square. They also let us store our stuff in lockers beforehand at that venue instead (but i think a lot of people already had means to store their stuff)... I guess they got the memo we would NOT take ANY time putting those safe whatsoever once the doors opened. literally people were willing to risk their lives and possessions for a good spot. Really just all logic is out the window for louis tomlinson istg and I knew this of course but seeing it all around me was new. Oh but talking to other fans? TALKING TO ELLA? my PEOPLE my PEEOPLLLEEEEE I'm SO happy I got to meet you two you are such amazing amazing kind souls we're absolutely gonna meet again weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

So it got pretty shit about 2 hrs before we could get in, because the sun was JUST behind the building and all of us had already stored all our stuff and the temp was being weird, like it almost heated up and then it didn't so we weren't doin too well luv and that was the first moment I really felt like this wasn't it this wasn't the way akasljsal.

Inside - Once the doors opened of course it was total chaos and we ran and managed to get on what I think was 4th row? but by the end it was like 6 or 7. We were slightly to the left, this is the exact spot with the help of louis pointing at me of course its potato footage:

There was a water sent into the crowd, us and the people in front and behind us had a job like we were constantly busy handing over plastic cups, both full ones into the crowd and empty ones back, it got a bit less motivated to keep that up after a while but let me tell you i NEEDED that water and so i also wanted everyone behind me to get it if they'd feel like me or worse. I was well hydrated, i needed to pee but you don't notice it at all with all the adrenaline, but with all the screaming and jumping and post covid lungs/throat you need it.

The intro is LOUD. LIKE. LOUD. Like I felt that everywhere and it adds to the buildup and anticipation perfectly and then the curtain falls and he walks in and I apparently look like a child with wonder in its eyes when he came on, because these bitches were filming me (<3) and I got to see my reaction and its .. askdljalks cute I guess. yeah and then he was just there. he was there. in HD boy real life in very high quality did you know that? and hes fucking perfect like seriously what the hell and he just-. I don't have words I don't get it. I was going in between losing my shit dancing and singing and everything, just standing there staring at him, and trying to take some pictures. Unfortunately the taking pictures caused me to miss his stupidass smileyface green wink flickering thing (did you pick that up online? Yeah it did.). I was taking pictures at that exact moment but it didn't catch it rip.

Another unfortunate bit was that my hearing got fucked from the beginning with all the screaming so I didn't get to fully experience his sound but it was already SO overwhelming in every other aspect I didn't even really mind plus the premise of seeing him again ASAP and experience it then, with the assumption I'll get a ticket (got my eyes on Antwerp so if anyone has one please) that is.

Then there were the stops... again... I don't know if it was just one person or multiple that needed assistance but the show got stopped 2 times and you can tell he's so fking sick of it. I was fking sick of it. Anyway shits not nice of me to say, perhaps these people were in big need of assistance for reasons out of anyone's control and it did end badly but you just get so desensitized to it when it happens constantly I'm just afraid people are either clueless to the point where they just didn't know they couldn't handle it, that with not knowing how to take care of themselves included, or knowing they can't but are willing to risk everything to see him... or they're exaggerating, perhaps not even consciously, to get an unfortunate notice. Like OmG LoUiS CaReS aBoUt Me yeah but do u care about louis anyway I'm just afraid of people, louis included, not responding anymore when there's a very critical emergency at some point and everyone yells to stop the show and louis is just like bitch here we go again whenever i stop the show everyones just good what are we doing lemme just continue? you know? I thought he said something like "really?" something too but it's all a blur.

have a pic have a pic

But man the ENERGY? THE CONFIDENCE? THE even though i know every single fucking bit of this show because ive watched lives 30+x times this was still just all so .. another level. Ella warned me beforehand that it's nothing like it. The lives are missing the sound the vibe the entire stage his whole body how he moves how he talks where he is within the space how awesome his band is the crowd EVERYTHING and man I was not prepared. I have a lil confession i always thought he was a lil awkward. Cute awkward but still... I thought he was awkward and turns out you can make the most confident man look awkward when you zoom in on their face performing without showing the rest of the performance, environment, nothing, and perhaps further made awkward by you as the viewer sitting in your pjs snacking in front of a screen watching it, who knew, apparently. BOY OH BOY he is NOT awkward. He owns that fking stage. What the fuck. Not even a lil bit. I was so so so wrong. I'm. intimidated lol (somehow wasnt at all when he pointed ... i was like YUUUUUHHH BROOOO BRING IT [my partner is telling me to make an edit of mad max where hes like HE LOOKED AT ME HE LOOKED ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYE!!!! i just might]) but yeah so yeah jesus christ omg.

picspics this is a ramble

As for things during the concert I noticed that were cute outside of the regular program... there was a sign in the crowd that said stage dive or something so he saw it, laughed at it, and then pretended to stage dive. it was cute af. he did rock paper scissors, he pointed and agreed with a sign that asked if they could smoke a joint together after the show, he cracked the absolute fuck up about a sign that said "stroganoff to get it wrong? In front of all these people" which was all the way to the right of the stage. Like he deadass just stayed in it it was so fking hilarious watching him just crackling.

He was vibing with someone off stage and making funny movements idk what it was but i was just staring like oh. He really loved some signs all the way to the left as well but I didn't know what they were.

He REALLY hated someone else that seemed to be at barrier on the left of the stage too, it was like... like a fucking dagger stabbed me lol he just gave them the 2 fingers british fuck you sign, then walked away not looking at them and flipping them off behind his back but it was with SUCH force. He was MAD. No idea what he saw but he was not happy. He then looked at one of the bandmembers like yeah they deserve it kinda thing.

He said "I see ya at the back" at some point and we looked back and didn't really see anything. There was a group cheering and jumping, so my best guess is he saw them vibing. There were pride flags on the balcony tho so it could have been that as well.

When he jumped off the stage during kmm we lost him for a long time and then he popped up reaaaaallyl short he just went BLOOP and gone, not sure about that, maybe someone pulled him? idk.

Also he refused to acknowledge a sign that said something not very interesting because we were right behind it and every time he came close like CLOSE CLOSE like i can SEE YOU SO WELL RN close the fucking sign would pop up with the speed of 28 lightyears so stronk so high so present I couldn't see him basically at fucking all i mean... it needs an arrow to show you where louis is because you can't fucking seeeeeeeeee, this is no zoom what it looked like:

I mean.. after the 5th time he has stood right in front of you reading it you don't need to keep holding it up after that? He's read it. What do you want him to do? I'm sorry he's just not gonna interact with it the 28th time if he hasn't 27 times before. It's done lemme see him please :') But this is going somewhere I promise because after a while at more than one occasion he tried to look around it at fucking us god damn it and it was in the way and so I missed 2 or 3 interactions that were directed at either one of us or one of the people next to us because only one of us at the time could see him whenever he got near so I just got half of a sentence or movement or whatever that I couldn't make out now and then, no idea, maybe watch an uploaded live, I know this one was very close to us, maybe I will, but there's one happening very soon so. Anyway he could've been interested in giving us that lil pointypoint for many reasons of which half aren't mine to tell so I won't, but for me it was just 1) going fucking mental, and it wasn't to like get him to see me do that, but lemme tell you when he confirmed that he did and enjoyed it I just got such a fucking sense of like this is the tiny thing I just gave back to him that he's given me. That seems weird probably but I'm very very held back, not just with a celebrity everyone wants to get near it seems, but with anyone I'm just always thinking I'm violating peoples space and I annoy you when I alert you of my existence basically that's just a me thing and makes me not want to like, meet him, send him anything, just... nada. Like I just don't wanna bother anyone. But like this? It's perfect. He had all the freedom to not acknowledge me but he did on his own free will because he enjoyed it and fed off the energy there seeing how ALDKJSDKLJLK we were going from his music and performance? what the fuck else would i want like shit that's just. thats perfect. But then there's 2) which is my shirt, which again I'm not gonna say just yet but you're welcome to ask me in a dm if we talk of course, but it's just combining 2 things he's big on so it would make sense it'd catch his attention.

But that's not what I came there for. I don't wanna be like y/n moment xoxo let's get more (but also, I do now, because he RUINED IT. HE RUINED IT. nothing is gonna compare to him fucking being like YO THIS BITCH IS GOING FOR IT *P O I N T S* like fuck) I just wanted to see him at least once because I could, and I was honestly planning on getting there just before it started and standing at the back by myself, chilling. But that's not what I got, I got to meet amazing people and had the fucking time of my fucking life holy shit. Like everything went better than I could've ever imagined and he was better than i had imagined and i already thought he was everything.

LOOK AT THAT FUCKER WITH THE POINT THAT WILL SHIT ON MY FUTURE CONCERTS:

[inertflouride]

Trap of Lies Part-11

Thank you @x3kristax3 for letting me be a part of this wonderful AU.

This is a collaboration project which starts from here- Masterlist Needless to day, it is dark AU, but an engrossing read. With that, I'll take my queue. Happy reading!

TW: themes related to sex, substance abuse, kidnapping, blood, violence, gaslighting

One. Two. Three.

The days I remember being in here until I was drugged.

Four, Five, Six.

The places in my body from where I bleed.

Seven. Eight. Nine.

The frequency with which I was disgraced.

And now, ever since I have started being fed opiates by these people, I have lost track of the count. I wish I could divert my mind somewhere. I wish I could retire from this feeling of being used and abused.

If I knew it all then that this is the baggage of loving Jake, would I do it again? Would I do it again?

Probably, yes.

On the other hand, I can't help but lose the remnant of my brain over placing a name on the Commander. Who is he? Why is he so akin to my subconscious. Those blue eyes... Maybe the reason I'm being fed these synthetic drugs are so that I am unable to place a finger on Commander's identity. If only I could keep my brain to its prior levels, maybe I can identify who he is.

They have left me to be for now. I wonder how much of the solitude time is left before it all happens again.

I regret the day I met Richy. I knew, even then, that he was making advances towards me. Subtle advances. I had gone to the local fair organised by the Marchioness of Liverdale. I remember how I got too engrossed with the purchasing that I ended up with three bags as large as that of a portmanteau.

He gave me a hand to carry my bags to the carriage. On the way, he kept joking to me about an idle lot of things happening around us. He introduced himself as Jake's subordinate. A minor one. The reason why I accepted his help.

I was about to ask Jake about him the other day, but he was kept busy by his tradesmen a few days before I was kidnapped. Maybe even that was a ploy to ease my kidnapping. Oh, what a foolish lady I am!

I can't describe the state I am in. I'm naked. My arm bleeds the name of my rapist. I can't keep my eyes open for more than a few seconds. I can't stop trembling despite a rag thrown over me. This is not what I was supposed to ever face in my life. Ever.

But I can bear all this. What I can't bear is the hopelessness. Where is Jake?

"Howdy M'lady?", Richy slams open the door and gives me a beaming smile. Maybe since he is happy, he might show some mercy on me. Just a thought.

He bolts the door close and squats near me, leering his eyes all over me again. "Do you want something? Ask me anything you want because today, I am elated beyond words."

I do not respond to him and keep looking down at my trembling hand, waiting for it to stop shaking.

He pulls the rag, the only piece of cloth covering my bare body, making me wince. I would have tried to cover my body with my hands but what is the use of that? He shall rape me regardless, crushing whatever fight is left in me.

"Here, here. Where is the feisty woman I kidnap go?", he gets closer to my neck, sniffing me there, "I remember her having a fight, which I loved to break."

Sickening. Too sickening that out of impulse, I crack a smack on his face, too hard or maybe too surprising that he falls back from his squatting gesture. His wide eyed, bloodshot eyes makes me cower when, thankfully, the door cracks open and Commander arrives in.

He is wearing a façade this time, which conceals every part of his face. He steps towards me and throws the snatched rag over my body.

"We would halt if you shall just spit whatever you know", he says to me, sighing as if all this is much troublesome for him. But, instead of saying I don't know anything, I just keep quiet. "What must I make of your deafness this time? You are willing to comply?"

"You're a fool if you think I wouldn't have told you everything after all this. Trust me, I am more than someone who is in love. And if you think you know me, like you say you do, you should know that no amount of training would make me bear so much."

He scoffs in amusement at me and smirks at me before saying, "But i do know that you will go to any lengths when you care about someone."

He gets up and fills the glass with water from the jug, offering it to me. When I start to push it away, he pushes it in my hand forcefully. "You are going to need it after what I tell you."

I squint at him, trying to keep my focus intact for a few more minutes before I again pass out. I wish to listen what he has to say.

"I feel pity for you as I say this, but Jake has moved ahead with his life. He has a new woman by his side now", he deeply sighs.

"Oh hell no", I erupt into a laugh as I hear him tell me this, "You think I shall for this crap?"

"I know it's a shock. You can take all the time you want", he rubs his hands together as he fawns pity over me.

"No well, screw YOU", I throw the water over him, specifically his mask. He scurries to take it off and that's when I see who he really is.

I gasp as the air is knocked out of my lungs. "I should have known it was you, you vengeful sloth", I scream as the realisation cuts me deep.

"Oh, my beloved MC. I've missed you so much", he grabs my hand and pulls me closer to him, nuzzling his nose in the crook of my neck. I try to push him away but his fingers curl deeper in the naked curve of my waist. "Leave him. He has moved ahead regardless."

"I don't believe a single utterance that escapes from your damned mouth", I spit at him, punching his chest now. He drags me via my wrist to the wall and slams my back there, pinning both my wrists.

"Listen to me, MC", he shouts on my face, "Think about it. You don't know anything. There is nothing binding him to you anymore. He doesn't have to come save you at all. He might not even look at you after you go out back to the world. You have been disgraced. Who would want a disgraced woman other than a brothel?"

He takes his hand and rubs my cheek lovingly, sighing, "I hate to say this, but you were just a means to an end."

I know it isn't true, but I can't help the urge to cry out aloud. My Jake, he is my Jake. He would never do it to me. I know this too, but god, does it not make me bawl in sorrow.

"Shh. It's okay. I'm here now", he forcefully pushes my head on his neck and presses one of his hands over my waist, and other gripping my arse. "Lay low now, I won't let anyone hurt you again. You deserve some love from me, dear."

[miutonium]

Asuka is grinding for her finals (And a notice regarding this blog)

Hi, you probably noticed this and I might have mentioned in the tags of my posts over the past few days but I'm posting it here so people won't missed out.

I won't be as active as I was for a while since my finals are coming up and it won't be until the mid of July that I'll be on my break. Right now I'm focusing all of my attention to my assignments and final project. This means I either post less or I don't reblog posts as much as I used to. I still will be here maybe gushing about my man or posting sketches that I sneaked during class but I won't be able to actively engage with people because I don't want to scroll my feed and ended up procrastinating instead of doing work so I'm sorry in advance if you don't see me interacting with you guys for this time being ;w; (I am still available to talk to via dm and ask box though but bear in mind my response won't be fast)

This also means I'll be putting my commission queue on hold as well. I don't want to do it right now knowing I won't be able to give 100% to it so I made the decision to pause it until I am absolutely sure I will be free from any work this semester.

Despite that, I might have to open my commission again. I finished all of my art commission and I only have 2 sketch commissions left for me to complete. I have to open it because I have to use it for my final projects and I have to spend money for the materials, printings and such (one of my final work is I have to do 5 manual moodboards based on an existing script) so I needed funds to do so, so expect to see my commission post later tonight or tomorrow morning.

Maybe some think I shouldn't make a post, its normal for people to go on hiatus or a break but I'm making this post becauae I don't want people to wonder where I'm going and also I want to be transparent about what I am currently doing right now.

Anyway, that's my update for this blog. I have a lot of plans to draw after I finish this semester so please stay tuned :3

Thank you for reading and I wish you guys well! 💕💕💕

- Asuka

[buckyjamess-archive]

chocolate chips & babies

a/n: hello @onceuponadetectivedemigod I'm your secret Santa for the Get down give joy event! This is my first time participating in such thing. I absolutely loved the things you requested & this is where I ended up, I hope you enjoy it! also, sorry for not sending so much anons; I didn't know what to ask :')

pairings: ben hardy x reader

warnings: fluff town baby, call your dentist in advance. Dad!ben needs a warning on its own.

wordcount: 1.4k+

summery; Christmas with the Jones' is never the same.

"Daddy, this one has Santa in it." 

Ben looks down at his daughter, Emily, shaking another snow globe in her purple gloved hands. Blonde hair flowing from underneath her purple hat. Rosy cheeks and the tip of her nose red. 

"No, you're joking?" 

Kneeling down to his daughter's height, he catches the globe from her tiny hands and examines it closely. How the snow floats around Santa, the Christmas tree and the tiny snowman. 

"It sure is Santa," Ben smiles at his daughter "we need to find mum and your brother, okay?" 

Emily nods her head and watches how her dad sets the snowglobe back on the shelf, amongst all others she enjoyed. Ben gets back on his feet and reaches for her hands, which wraps around his finger. 

Making their way out of the little corner store and out on the cold streets of London, Ben finds himself and his daughter in a mob of people.  

People desperately trying to find that one last, perfect gift for under the tree. People trying to get the last turkey from the store a few blocks down. People arguing. People yelling-- 

Oh the joys of Christmas. 

"C'mon, sweetheart." 

In a swift move, Ben raises Emily off the ground and holds her tight against his side. Her arms wrapping around his neck. 

"Where's mummy?"

"I don't know," ben mumbles, subtly pushing past the group of arguing women "but we'll find her." 

"We have too," Emily states as a matter of fact "we were going to bake cookies." 

"Yeah, did mum promise you that?" Ben asked curiously. 

Emily nods her head "with hot chocolate." 

It can't be hard to find you, right? A woman he came to love so dearly, walking around with his son, his carbon copy, sporting a seven month baby bump under a layer of clothes..not that difficult, if the streets weren't packed as if every store decides to give things away for free. 

Christmas with the jones..never the same. 

"Maybe Santa can give me the snow globe." 

"Maybe he will sweetheart." 

You push the stroller back and forth in the hopes to make your over emotional toddler sleepy and though he's dozed off minutes ago, you can't be too sure and stop it. 

Noah his rosy, chubby cheeks are squished as his head rests against the metal of the stroller. Quiffs of blonde peeking from under his red and blue, fireman Sam hat. Clutching onto a stuffed rabbit he'd gotten from his big sister. 

You rub over your still and seemingly never growing bump when little miss Jones causes a ruckus. Honestly, you're still surprised she hasn't broken any of your ribs or caused any internal bleeding, 

something you'd not had experienced yet, Emily and Noah were the easiest babies you'd seen among your friends, just like their dad, not only in looks but in manners but something tells you this little babe is going to be your carbon copy. 

Sitting down on the stone bench, your feet ache. A sigh leaving your lips when your son starts to shift in his stroller the second you stop moving it. 

Home, that's all you want at this moment. Gather your little family, walk home and heat up with some hot chocolate underneath the Christmas tree while watching a movie. Underneath a thick fluffy blanket preferably. 

Only if you didn't lose your husband in the madness called the great Christmas depression. Maybe it was a bad idea to do some Christmas shopping last minute after all. 

The cold England weather sends a shiver down your spine and you tuck the blanket further up Noah's body, carefully to not wake him up. 

The familiar sound of the voices belonging to those of your husband and daughter catches your attention. You stand up, looking around the bush streets and it takes a while before you spot the two blondies.

You wave in the hopes they see you and they do as Emily points into your direction. 

"It's a madhouse." Ben grumbles when he reaches you "lets head back home." 

"Gladly." You mumble back. 

The walk home isn't long. You've rarely left the block. You've walked this route a hundred times, ten minutes at last but with the ache in your feet and back, it made it look like hours but with Emily pushing the stroller, it gave Ben the opportunity to snake his arm around your back, helping you to find some sort of relief.

"This is the last kid, Jones." You complain "unless you're planning to carry them." 

"Don't think I'm able to be such an amazing human being," ben chuckles "I'm just a man." 

"This one better look like me." 

You watch Emily, carefully pushing the stroller with her little brother around. Nearly reaching the handles, even on her tiny toes but peeking around it to make sure to go straight. 

Both carbon copies of their daughter. 

"I'm sorry love, can't help it. My genes are stronger." 

"Mate, calm down." Ben laughs when he pulls his son hand away from the batch of cookie batter "when's the last time we fed you." 

You're seated at the breakfast bar, nursing a hot chocolate, like you imagined minutes ago.

Emily stands tall on her step, flour covering nearly every inch of her body, rolling batter into small balls, licking her fingers clean once in a while.

Noah on his knees on the kitchen counter, anything edible disappearing into his mouth whenever he can get his hands on it. 

Ben stands behind him, able to pull his son back whenever it's needed. Hand gripping the back of Noah's shirt. 

"Grandma says you get sick from eating it." Emily says, looking back from Ben to you and back "chickens will grow in your stomach because the eggs are raw." 

"Did she?" Ben raises his brow as he looks at his daughter, mouthing a 'What the hell?' In your direction 

"Is it true?" 

"No honey, grandma is crazy." You say "You can get sick from it, so don't eat too much." 

"Do you want some?" 

She holds out a ball of dough in your direction. A smile reaching her ears, showing off her pearly whites 

"No, the baby doesn't like it." You refuse but give her the same warm smile she's giving you. 

She turns back to her dad, holding out the same piece but when Ben refuses it too, she sets it in the tray in front of her, pushing it down with her hands. 

"I will make cookies for all of you!" Emily cheers "even for Santa!" 

"That's a good idea love," Ben smiles, "Maybe he'll get you that snow globe." 

"Yes!" 

The two of you share a smile but it falters fast when Noah gets a hold of the bag of chocolate chips, nearly stuffing his mouth with a hand full. 

"Mate, you need to calm down." Ben states "he's got that from you." 

"As if you didn't eat my last candy bar, Jones." 

"Go easy on your mum or you'll be the last one." 

You roll your eyes at Ben, his face close to your bump. The lights of the Christmas tree and the fairy lights illuminating the features on his face. 

With the two rascals all tucked in and sound asleep, it's just you, Ben and the little bean. A moment you'll forever cherish, a moment that rarely happened. 

"So, if you want a brother or sister-" 

"Ben, please," you chuckle "I don't want to think about another kid right now. She's not even born yet." 

Ben sits back up right and rests his feet on the coffee table, laying his arm on the couch behind you "What about a football team?" 

"I'll personally give you a vasectomy." 

"I'm joking." Ben throws his head back, nearly causing a whiplash as he lets out a laugh 

"I'm not tough." You smirk at him "I love you but I'm not going to care a football team, find yourself another wife if you have too." 

"I would never." 

Ben kisses your temple and places his hand back on your stomach and if on queue, the little bean kicks up against his hand. 

"Already a daddys princess." Ben jokes "three girls to fight for my attention." 

You raise your brows and fake a smile "Oh, I'll always fight for your attention." 

"These mood swings really getting to you this time, huh?" Ben chuckles "Where's the Christmas spirit?" 

You huff and lean back on the couch, throwing your legs in Ben's lap. Without thinking, Ben reaches for them, massaging away the ache in them. 

"We've to make sure we feed these kids," Ben says "look at our poor son." 

Tough it's a little hectic and a bit chaotic and, ben wouldn't want his family to be any different.

[mcknitface]

My top 10 in advance of the final

so. i've finally written and thought about my actual top ten songs going into the final. i've actually also compiled my top 40 and my tops for the semis, but that's a bit late now. i'll do them in advance of next year though!

so, here, with comments, is my top ten for the final

1 - DE DIEPTE - an amazing song, by an amazing artist. i'm british but very into the dutch alt-pop scene (a joke scott and rylan made on tuesday) and when S10 was announced i was so excited. this song is everything i wanted and more - she's changed her style to suit a wider audience, and the da-da-da-da oeh-oeh aa-aa really brings in non dutch speakers, essential for this competition.

2 - MEÐ HÆKKANDI SÓL - wasn't too keen on the first listen (morning of sunday 13th march) but by the evening of the monday i was obsessed. amazing meaning behind the lyrics, and icelandic is such a lovely language to listen to. when this was announced as a qualifier i almost screamed (had to not tho as i was in the queue for a club) as i had prepared for the worst.

3 - LIGHTS OFF - one of the first entries to be released back in december. i had covid at the time, was on day 8 of 10 of isolation, and this buoyed me through the last two days. a great dance bop, the revamp arguably isn't as good but i love the pause before the chorus. she's improved a lot as a singer as well, literally screamed when this qualified, amazing song.

4 - IN CORPORE SANO - watched it, was bemused, watched again, watched again, looked up the lyrics, obsessed. amazing concept, almost performance art, i cannot get enough of this. look up the rest of her triptych, it's amazing. the other songs are called nobl and mekano, and the fact she entered the serbian national selection only to broaden her songs' reach, not intending to win, is iconic.

5 - HOLD ME CLOSER - i don't really have much to say here, it's just a very good song. a powerful chorus? maybe that's what draws me into it and separates it from other ballads for me.

6 - SENTIMENTAI - lithuanian is a beautiful language and it's amazing to finally have a song in it in the final. the older feeling of the song lends it an elegance and from everything that i've seen monika is an icon. i'm mostly excited about the lithuanian, but it's a song that i can't help swaying to. again i was thrilled when this qualified as it was borderline

7 - FULENN - i am in love with this devil-summoning masterpiece. something different from france, and in one of their marginalised langauges, really make this stand out. i particularly like the vibration-esque part of the second chorus, after the "tria' a ra ar c'haoud". great to have some celtic language representation as well, it's a travesty that we've (in the uk) never sent a welsh entry.

8 - TRENULEŢUL - this is another one which came out fairly early. i can't help bopping along to this and i really hope it does well in the final. it's such a jolly song with a serious meaning behind it, and the music video is so fun. not sure what i think of the slight revamp - i will still listen to the original - but i understand why it was revamped for the stage.

9 - SNAP - a non-offensive song with a great staging (that's unaffected by the broken sun). i didn't really pay attention to this until the second rehearsal on youtube, but i really do like it. maybe not something i'll still be listening to in a year, but definitely one i want to see do well.

10 - LLÁMAME - a nice surprise qualifier from thursday. the song definitely works better when you can see it being performed, but nonetheless it's a great song, with great choreo, and we love us some bisexual representation.

in case anyone is interested, my original top ten was the netherlands, iceland, czechia, slovenia, serbia, sweden, latvia, croatia, lithuania and france. semi one was particularly painful - i'd like to have seen thirteen of those songs through (but only seven from semi two)

judge me as you will, and enjoy the final!

[snellymain]

I'm taking a break from Tumblr for a while, probably Twitter too, I'm not proud of things I've done and I'm just overwhelming myself more by being here. I'm once again sorry for anyone I've upset or made uncomfortable in the past or still am, I'm not very good at expressing myself online and I've manically done a lot of stupid things I should keep to myself, and accidentally perpetuating harmful/uncomfortable things I wish I'd realized or been told beforehand doesn't help my track record either. I've already been attempting to work on myself this year with other flaws I have so now it's just an even bigger pile of shit I have to work through, but I'll manage, I want to be the best person I can be and I've always tried to be as nice as possible to everyone; so I genuinely hate that I've managed to unknowingly do so much damage in such a short time.

I'm okay! If anyone's worrying about me, as I post this or weeks in advance, please don't, and especially don't pity me for anything; that's not my intention with this, I'm not trying to garner attention and applause for this, I just want anyone who's hurt by my actions to know that I don't know what I'm fucking doing, and I apologize for that.

If this is what you think it's about, it mostly definitely is, and even more. subconsciously going for the high score it seems. I hope I worded this all correctly, I'm not very good with semantics AND it's easy to misconstrue things online by just genuinely misreading the tone and whatnot, (I know I do that lmao) so I just hope this all makes sense.

I still have a bunch of posts queued up for a couple weeks, but, yeah, I won't be here at all. Got a couple of bangers cooking up in the queue list.

Anyone who has me on discord is more than welcome to DM me whenever, I might be slow and unresponsive due to my current mental state as well as travelling, but, yeah--my extroverted ass will appreciate anything ❣️❣️

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter two - “bucky”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.4k

summary: after arriving in wakanda, (Y/N) figures out who and what she’s there for (with the help of our fav young genius)

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: not my photo

"Christ, you're astonishingly intelligent. How could you possibly need my help?" (Y/N) asked. "I'm kind of a joke compared to your big brain."

As the young Wakandan princess showed (Y/N) around her extremely impressive laboratory, she thought back to her conversation with Sharon.

***

"I'm needed? In Wakanda?" she said, dumbfounded. "What am I gonna do? Help them hunt for food?"

"Well, that's the thing," Sharon began. "Wakanda isn't what you think it is. The third world country we all thought we knew is just a facade to protect the true nature of Wakanda."

(Y/N) stared, not following. Sharon continued.

"It's actually a highly advanced, technologically progressive metropolis. They have some of the smartest people and most exceptional innovations in the world. It was all a cover up."

She nodded, finally understanding, "Well, I can't say that I blame them for hiding from the world. I can only imagine what would happen, especially from the hands of America."

Sharon chuckled. "Steve settled things with T'Challa, the former prince, and the royal family are allowing him and Barnes to take refuge there until further notice. Evidently, they have the tech and the minds to undo whatever damage Hydra did to Barnes."

***

"Well, I could do this by myself, but my focus is predominantly on electromagnetism, quantum mechanics, and high-energy particle physics," the young princess explained, gesturing to various pieces of state-of-the-art tech around her lab. "I'm not really an expert in social sciences just yet; that would be you. I was told you were exceptional. Oh, and Captain Rogers needed someone he could trust on short notice. So, here you are, on account of a Sharon Carter, right?"

"Absolutely correct... your highness?" (Y/N) replied, though it was more of a question than anything else.

The princess laughed a genuine laugh, "Oh, no need for formalities! We're colleagues now and we're going to be working collaboratively. Please, call me Shuri."

"Got it," she nodded, smiling and slightly embarrassed. "...so, not to sound like more of an idiot than I probably already seem, but what exactly is this project we're working on? No one really thought it would be a good idea to tell me before I took the plane ride to another continent- which is lovely by the way."

"Well," Shuri started, gesturing her to follow along as they walked through the rest of the lab, "you know that man who allegedly bombed the UN conference in Vienna, consequently killing my father and forcing my brother to assume his place as king?"

(Y/N) gulped. "Yes."

"Yeah, he's here. He's the project. But don't worry! He didn't actually set off the bomb; he was framed."

Oh. Okay. What was she supposed to say to that? (Y/N) couldn't figure out an answer so she continued to nod and try not to look too idiotic.

"As you already know, he has suffered greatly. He's not in control of his own mind. Our job is to dismantle whatever programming Hydra drilled into his poor brain through years of abuse and torture."

(Y/N) remembered the horrible things she read in his file. The trauma, the cruelty, the destruction of humanity. Suddenly, she was no longer at a loss of words... or thoughts. She was going to help an innocent man. Well, the truly innocent man who was locked inside Hydra's homemade killer.

What was done to him was a monstrosity; it was, up to date, the worst thing she had ever seen done to a human being. And, if she can do anything to help take away or relieve some of that pain, she was happy to play her part. A good way to do that was probably to zone back in to what Shuri was saying.

"...and there's two main components to this. Number one is his physical pain. Meaning the biochemicals and neurons in his brain in addition to his arm and the nerve endings and anything else of his that they broke: the stuff I will take care of. Number two is his mental pain. Meaning his psyche, trauma, behavior, emotions, and all that other fun psychology stuff that you will take care of."

"So, I'm basically operating as a therapist?"

"Basically. Among other things."

(Y/N) stared at the floor in front of her, letting it all sink in. She was going to therapize the Winter Soldier. Whatever that was going to entail was a mystery to her. He was nothing she'd ever heard of. Of course she was extraordinary at her job, but this was new territory for her.

Unaware of what else to say, (Y/N) blurted out, "So... you said he's here..."

"Yes. Follow me, you can come meet him."

Maybe that wasn't the best thing to blurt. He is innocent, but that doesn't stop him from scaring her a bit... even though she's never actually met him in the person.

She followed behind as Shuri led her out of the lab and through a multitude of different rooms and hallways. She was nervous, indeed. She was in a place she'd never been with people she'd never met about to see a person with a caliber she'd of never imagined.

(Y/N) wondered what he'd be like. Would she be meeting who he was before Hydra sunk their claws into him? Or would she be meeting some hybrid of the man he used to be and the pain he's been forced to endure? She wasn't sure what to expect. But she didn't have time to imagine another scenario when Shuri opened a door and they were greeted by a freezing cold breeze.

"Don't mind the cold. It's supposed to be like that," Shuri said as she held the door open and walked inside.

(Y/N) wrapped her arms around her midsection before her mouth dropped. In the middle of the room stood a giant glass chamber holding no other than James Barnes inside. It looked so strange to her, surreal even. He was frozen? Suspended animation. She didn't think humans were supposed to look like that. He almost looked dead. The slightest shiver ran down her spine.

"He's in a state of cryogenic sleep," Shuri explained. "Completely alive, but the chamber reduces his metabolism to its lowest possible level, allowing his body to be preserved for long periods of time."

"That's... slightly horrifying. I've heard of cryogenics, but I've never seen it first hand. How does it even work?" (Y/N) inquired as she ran her hand lightly across the glass.

It's so cold. She couldn't imagine being in there.

"In cryogenic sleep, an antifreeze agent is added, replacing the water in his cells. Then, the tissue is cooled to -220 degrees Fahrenheit, but instead of crystallizing into ice, the chemicals clump together and become solid. They're actually molecularly similar to glass. This new glass form prevents the cells from bursting and, theoretically, this could hold him in stasis forever."*

"Wow," she mused, still awestruck, staring at the chamber.

"Something wrong?"

"No, I'm good," (Y/N) chuckled, "it's just that advanced science is just shocking sometimes. And when you said I was going to meet him, I didn't think you meant like this."

Shuri smiled. "Oh, I didn't."

And with that, all it took was the push of a button and the chamber came out of dormancy. It was whirring and hissing, and (Y/N) could feel the temperature slowly start to rise. She glanced up and witnessed what looked like a miracle as color began to bloom onto his previously blanched features. He too was coming out of dormancy; he was coming alive.

(Y/N) almost startled when his eyes opened, but remained completely still when the chamber door opened. James blinked a couple times, taking in his surroundings. He looked anxious; she could understand why. She tried not to meet his eyes.

I'll let Shuri take the lead on this one, she thought.

As if on queue, Shuri gave him a polite smile and started to undo his restraints.

"Hello Sergeant Barnes. Welcome back! My name is Shuri, T'Challa's younger and much smarter sister. This," she gestured to (Y/N), "is Dr. (Y/L/N). Together, we'll be conducting your treatment plan."

He stepped out of the chamber, shaking Shuri's hand. He had almost a foot over her but towered over both of them regardless. Then, he turned to (Y/N). She wasn't sure what to think.

"It's nice to meet you, Sergeant Barnes," she said with a curt smile, as she shook his hand. Cold. She pretended not to notice.

He looked down at her and for a moment she thought he looked docile. Benevolent and soft.

His eyes are very blue.

"Please," he said, a kindhearted gentleness coating his voice, "call me Bucky."

- - -

* = info on cryogenics from inverse.com