#i'm pro choice btw. jsyk.
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i'm shooting for the stars, even if the space between will suffocate me.
#myevilposts#DECISION PARALYSIS !#fuck it we do it all. fuck it we do it all. btw.#i hate having a u.ter.us. i don't necessarily want it out of my body#but the fact that i was born with one gives me the option to use it. and getting it removed also removes that option.#i would have preferred to not be given one in the first place. then i wouldn't have to decide to use it or not.#then i wouldn't have to make a choice in that regard. there would be yearning but at least i wouldn't have this horrible#pressure to either get my tubes tied or get pregnant. there would just be yearning.#and if i didn't have a u.ter.us but could get one. well then i'd only get one if i wanted to use it. so i would win no matter#what i picked in that universe. but instead i have one and my sick body and brain.#i don't want to be able to have that choice at all. and getting it removed won't fix that because#that is still choosing not to use it. i want to have been born without one. no opportunity of anything either way#equals no regrets. fuck me man.#pregnancy tw#i'm pro choice btw. jsyk.#i just wish i couldn't get pregnant at all. then i wouldn't have to worry about wanting kids i can't have or regretting having kids.#even if my doctor was right and i might not be able to. i would still feel this sense of discontented pressure.#because not being able to would make me think about what could've been. but also i'd be happy to be infertile.#but also it'd break me down. once again. wish this topic wasn't even on the table to begin with.#i need to get on birth control ASAP basically so i can settle the fuck down in several regards.#birth control will be my saving grace because it's like micro-dosing on infertility. plus it should help will All The Symptoms#of my sick body. and i don't have to be on it forever if i ever decide to.#infertility tw#currently working on a film about plan b so it's on my mind is all. average 6 am brain thought spiral for me.#lest we all forget about my obsession with reproduction.
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