#i'm organizing a karaoke party for you on christmas i'm making sure your bag is packed with snacks for the class trip

[01tsubomi]

wow i'm rewatching tmohs seriously for the first time in a reeeally long time (usually i burn out after the first few episodes - idk when the last time i did a full rewatch was) and idk how i haven't been thinking about nagato yuki every single day for the past ten years. chronologically there's still so much to go before disappearance and yet the sense of unease around yuki's existence is already so unbearable. can you imagine. in theory you're a tool put on earth only to collect data and report back to the source but there's still some scrap of humanity in you that both keeps you going and keeps you aware that you're completely stuck within the role you play. yuki has to sit and watch no matter how much time she's forced to wait alone in an empty room, no matter how many time loops she remains conscious for - they've just gotten to the remote island where haruhi is about to will a murder to happen and everyone is enjoying the beach and the camera keeps panning to her in the shade with her back turned. or reading a book because there's still something inside of her that understands interesting and like and enjoy but she's only been given so much of it. the rest of the group are at least human beings, they at least have homes to return to and a reason to be at school during the day. she has to take care of every world-altering phenomenon while the rest of the group laughs and cries and gets closer around her and then report back to standby. you would lose it, anyone would lose it. i know this is all standard fodder for android stories but she's also just a teenage girl. despite everything there was enough in her heart that she reset the world to have some real form of connection with the boy who made her a library caaaaaarddddddd!!!!!!!!!