#i'm only like halfway through and i already feel like i'll replay this more than three houses

[duthea]

been playing the funny fire emblem game

[lostinwoso]

Loser (Alexia x Reader)

Song - 3.1k words

Oh, I'm such a loser, how'd I ever lose her? Oh, maybe I must have been out of my mind Now, I'm a loser, why'd I have to lose her? I'll never recover, I'll never be fine 'cause I

Alexia is lying in bed, the conversation between the both of you just a few hours ago keeps on replaying in her mind over and over again. This isn’t her first break-up, but for some reason this one with you cuts deeper than any other she had to go through. 

The way you brokenly whispered “I can’t do this anymore.”, while desperately trying to keep your tears at bay, brings tears to her own eyes. Just like you earlier, she tries to avoid them from running down her face, but as her mind repeats the scene of you pulling away when she tried to touch you and instead whispered a small, “Sorry.”, before turning around to leave her behind, is enough to make the tears fall.  

“¡Estúpida Alexia!”, the Spanish woman harshly whispers to herself while rather aggressively wiping the tears away, but no matter how often she does it, there always seem more and more tears to make their way down her face. 

Eventually the heart-broken woman gives up, just letting the tears run down her face since it’s not like they would stop anytime soon when the scene keeps on replaying over and over again, not even giving her the chance to calm down any time soon. Even as she falls asleep from exhaustion a few hours later, your face and words are still present in her mind.

I just might get a little too drunk, so I won't think about us (Uh) I don't think about what (Uh) we could have been And I stay up like three or four nights, so I won't dream about us (Uh) I wake up with no luck (No), I just can't win

No matter how much Alexia tries to keep you off her mind, it doesn’t work. If it isn’t you breaking up with her on her mind than its other moments shared between the two of you. All the times she made you laugh, the movies and shows you watched and the little trips you took together.

What was new though were the thoughts and dreams about the what if’s? What if you two didn’t break up? Would you two be together on one of the trips you two wanted to go on? Walking together through the streets of Athens together? Or maybe rather decided to go to Paris together? Snapping the most usual tourist pictures ever with the Eiffel Tower? 

But it isn't just the short-term what if's that occupy her. What if it’s just a small up and down along the way? Weren’t you two meant to last forever, as she first thought you two would be? Weren’t you both meant to marry each other at some point in the future? Weren’t you supposed to wear her last name ‘Putellas’ proudly? Shouldn’t you have been the one she starts a family with? 

All those questions run through her mind at high speed. And if distracting herself doesn’t work, then a little alcohol should do the magic, right? So here she sits at home on her couch, second bottle of wine already halfway chugged down, watching some random show on the TV. And to be fair it did help a little, but only until she finally called it a night and went to bed, that’s when she is confronted with your face again, clearly visible in her mind. Sometimes it’s just you alone, but sometimes she can see herself next to you, doing all the what if’s her mind won’t shut up about.

And the only thing that can help prevent that from happening? Staying awake. So instead of drinking herself to sleep, she drinks just enough to make her mind a bit quieter but not too much for her to feel sleepy, so she can stay awake as long as possible. One night without sleep turns into two, then three, and eventually four. She even tried to push for a fifth night but there is only so much her body can take without sleep, so despite her wanting to fall asleep, she does. Once again dreaming of you two together just to wake up all alone, but still with you present in her mind.

I should've seen it all along (Ah-ah) She was one in a million (Ah-ah) It hurts whenever someone says her name

Alexia tried her hardest to not look at you during training, pretending as if you weren’t there. And that was honestly working out quite well so far for her, mostly thanks to the separated group drills you were in, but football in general has always been Alexia’s escape when things in life were difficult. 

She is completely focused on the drill at hand, until a loud shriek breaks her focus away from the ball.

“Y/N!”.

Pain. A small stab feeling like pain hits the woman’s chest, as her throat closes up a little. She raises her hand up to her chest to rub the spot where the stabbing-like pain comes from, but it refuses to leave. She knows she shouldn’t look over right now, if that is the reaction of simply hearing your name, she doesn’t want to know how worse the pain could get from seeing you. But it's as if she has no control over her own eyes anymore, and before she knows it, she is looking at you. 

There you are laughing at Jana who tries to wipe her face dry with her training top after you just splashed some of your water on her face. Alexia forgets to breathe for a moment, tears gathering in her eyes, the pain in her chest getting worse, but she couldn’t look away. Her eyes focus on your face, the face you make while laughing always managed to bring a smile to her face, but not now. All it does now is bring her another wave of pain while reminding the woman of what should have seen long before.

You are the only one for her. 

Oh, I'm such a loser, how'd I ever lose her? Oh, maybe I must have been out of my mind Now, I'm a loser, why'd I have to lose her? I'll never recover, I'll never be fine 'cause I

It’s been almost two weeks since you broke things off with a Catalonian woman, Alexia thought it would be better by now, that her heart wouldn’t ache anymore every time she sees or hears you in training but no. The pain is still there, every. single. time. 

The what ifs are still there. During the day in her thoughts or at night in her dreams. Her family noticed the change in the woman, usually she would call or text every day, but now it’s only every now and then, when her mind actually allows having another thought for a moment before you would take your place there again. 

Her mother and sister asked questions, they went through every possible thing that could lead to their loved one to be so distant and distracted all the time. But the answer was always the same, “No, it’s not that.”. That’s until they ask if something happened between the two of you, she doesn't answer immediately. Should she admit that you left her in the dust? Did you leave her for good? What would they say? Would they be disappointed, upset for losing you, when they love you almost as much as she loves you?

With those thoughts in mind, she softly shakes her head, whispering a weak, “No”, that she herself can’t even really buy sincerely off. Her mother and sister make eye contact for a moment, not believing the woman in front of them, but instead of questioning further, they just decide to hold her a little closer.

Uh, I just might been a little too gone When she needed somebody (Uh) Up against her body (Woah) at 2 AM

In the third week, Alexia tried to think about what the breaking point of your relationship could have been. The obviousness in the answer pains Alexia, she is an asked woman, so as one of the most popular women in the football industry she often has many events to attend. 

Those events often go until the early mornings, with alcohol flowing easily throughout the entire night. Chatting with strangers and investors that don’t even really care about her as a person, only caring about her as the brand and face she has become for women football all over the world. Is that why she lost you? Because she rather wasted her time away with people who don’t even care about her as a person? 

As Alexia tries to recount the amount of times she didn’t make it home until the early mornings, she lets out a sigh. Why didn’t she try harder to be there for you? Why did she stay there for so long when all the important stuff was always finished way earlier? 

She can’t imagine how you must have felt all the times where you had to go to bed alone and having to wake up alone at times, or having to spend mornings alone because the alcohol the woman consumed left her dead asleep until early noon. 

How much does she wish she would have done things different, wishing that time machines are real, and she could simply go back in time and do things the right way for you. Being there right next to you while going to sleep, holding you close to her all throughout the night until you both would have to get up together. Spending all the mornings together making breakfast or just staying in a little longer. 

But that’s not how things work in life. There is no time machine she can use to get back in time, no. She is here in the present, alone, without you by her side.

Yeah, and now I keep lying to myself When she's just joking probably (She's joking probably) She'll probably call me and we'll be us again

Denial. That was up next, after the first two weeks of only grief, which is still present, and questioning the possible reason of you calling quits on her is now the time for denial.

Every relationship has its ups and downs, so maybe this is yours? Maybe you didn’t mean a complete break-up but rather a small break apart from one another?  

Deep down Alexia knows that this isn’t the case, this wasn’t just a down in your relationship, after all there is no relationship to have ups and downs in anymore. You felt her, completely, with no intention of coming back. But lying to herself is much easier than accepting the truth. 

So she checks her phone almost every 30 minutes, has her ringtone on full volume, waiting for you to send her a text or call her to tell her you didn’t mean what you said. You were joking or just having a bad day when all this disaster happened.  So it’s just a matter of time until you reach out to her, it could happen any minute, or maybe you would rather have this walk in person and will approach her at the next training session?  

It will eventually happen, that’s what Alexia repeats in her head over and over again, if not in the next hour, then the day and if not the next day then the days after this one, but it will happen. You will reach out and tell her that everything is okay between the two of you, you still have a chance to experience all those scenarios her mind plays on the daily. This is not the end between the two of you, it can’t be. 

But the text or call never comes in, and you don’t even spend moments longer close to her in training than you have to. She knew from the beginning that the thought was ridiculous, she knows that you didn’t just joke about breaking up, but damn does she wish you did. So no matter how much she knew how stupid and unrealistic the thought was, she hoped there was at least some possibility of it becoming reality. 

Wanting nothing more than to have you back by her side.

I should've seen it all along (Ah-ah) She was one in a million (Ah-ah) Now she's in love, and I'm in second place (Damn)

The denial phase ended rather quickly, but the ultimate end to it was put when you posted a picture of Ana and you on Instagram. The both of you smiling brightly at one another with the Swiss woman having her arm thrown around your shoulder, pulling you into her, way closer than normal friends would be. 

That’s just a normal picture of two friends, right? There is no way you moved on from her while she is still hung up on you, right? 

But the simple heart you used as caption is enough to let her know that this is not just a simple picture between two friends, and the comment from Ana with a heart and the heart-eyes emoji doesn’t help her suspicion either. 

She did notice that the two of you spend more time together. You were always right next to each other in training, doing all the pair drills together or just chatting and joking away during drink breaks. At first, she didn’t think much of it, you two did all the partner drills together, so of course you would do them with someone else after your break-up, but this picture, the way you almost became inseparable during training and the conversations she overheard during training, which she purposely tried to ban out of her head, lets her know that whatever there is, isn’t just a friendship anymore. 

The conversations she tried to ban from her mind were mostly between the two of you making plans to hang out or talk about how much fun hanging out together the day prior was, how excited you both were to go and try out the new place around the corner or how great the movie was you watched the other night at Ana’s place. 

But the most important once she wished she never witnesses was one which you weren’t even part of. During one of the strength sessions, Aitana approached the Swiss woman, asking her how the ‘date’ you and her were on, the day prior, went. Alexia listened to any word Ana said, how amazing it went, how much fun you both had, how she can’t wait for the next one that will just be a few days later, how amazing you are and how much she likes you and hopes for it to go somewhere. 

So if Alexia was honest to herself, she knew long before you posted the picture that you were moving on. But it was simpler to deny it, much, much easier to ignore everything she heard and label the conversation between Ana and Aitana as a misunderstanding, that you two didn’t go on a romantically motivated date, no, it was a simple hang-out between friends accidentally labeled as a date. 

But she can’t deny it any longer, there was now proof, not just for her to see but for everyone in the world too. You moved on without her. You are in love with someone else while she is stuck here in second place, still having a hard time to get over the break-up.

Tell me God is real Do you think about me still Or am I livin' for nothin'? Don't know where it went Wrong but I'll just take the hint It's gonna take some adjusting

Alexia knows she has no chance but to move on. But she still struggles with adjusting to seeing you and Ana together all the time. She knows you try to keep it as low-key as possible when she is around, she can tell in the way you glimpse at her when Ana was standing a bit closer to you when she was around, trying to keep a certain distance to your new girlfriend in respect of her.

But this also made her wonder, is there still a chance you think of her like she thinks of you? Or are you simply trying not to make things awkward between you? Is that the only time you think of her? 

But she never asks you, because once again Alexia knows the answer to her own question,  because the way you look at Ana and Ana at you is the answer, there is no chance of you still harboring the same feelings towards her the way she does for you.

Having to accept this hurts, almost as much as the first day of the break-up itself, but she will move on, she will leave you alone. You are happy, you deserve happiness even if it's not with her, she has to accept it. And she will move on, but not because she wants to, no way does she want to give you up, no. She does it because she loves you, and you deserve the happiness Ana gives you, so she will let you go. 

Oh, I'm such a loser, how'd I ever lose her? Oh, maybe I must have been out of my mind Now, I'm a loser (Oh), why'd I have to lose her? (I'll never) I'll never recover, I'll never be fine (Oh, baby, I) 'Cause I'm a loser

Lying once more in bed, she stares at the ceiling, it’s been a good three months now since your break-up. You were thriving with Ana, everyone could tell how great you are together, how happy and healthy the relationship is. Alexia on the other hand can’t say the same. The woman tried so hard to move on, but every time she tries to get to know someone she compares them to you, and to her, no one could ever compare to you. You were the one in a million for her, and she lost you.

You are happily moving on with your life, while she is stuck in the same place you left her. Alexia feels lost, defeated. Even with all these trophies in her apartment, proving how successful the woman is, she can’t help but feel like a loser. How did she manage to win so many trophies but lost the person that was made for her? 

“¿Por qué soy un perdedor?”, Alexia asks herself, tears once again making their way down her face.

[streettealee]

Not to out myself as PB Choices: Stories You Play trash because I've been in a love/hate relationship with that app since I was like 13 and began with The Crown & The Flame (I feel like we should count online visual novels as able to shape the stories we write because somehow Choices has), buuut the way Prince Aerin in Blades of Light and Shadow reminds me of James Herondale fucks me up. My guy is literally a major antagonist of the first book and, admittedly, I did not spend the diamonds to track him down and bring him to Whitetower prison, so now I'm hoping he turns up later in the game (alive), AND IF HE HAS A REDEMPTION ARC AND THE ROMANCE THAT WAS AVAILABLE IN THE FIRST BOOK COULD PICK UP AGAIN, I WILL NOT COMPLAIN. Except maybe about how I committed myself to romancing Tyril and so then I'd feel awful about pursuing Aerin, but then if Aerin is available... IDK what I'll do. It's like he was designed to be the guy that worms into my heart. He has honey golden brown eyes, the most lovely dark mess of curls, godforsaken pale vampire skin, and he's a nerd and I truly believe he was once a good man with good intentions before the Shadow Court got to him.

Anyway, I hate the direction PB has gone with most of their books and it's why I wasn't on the app for ages again (always a dry spell). Someone's probably already said it but they really went from having diverse genres coming out all the time to leaning heavily into the NSFW category (as a genre rather than simply an element of another genre if you paid diamonds for those extra choices in romantic moments). I think they're just following the trend though of smutbooks in general and which of their books have been most popular (if I have to see any more The Royal Romance promotion, I'm going to kick a man) but even that wasn't NSFW in genre, just cheesy romance. But it's no secret booktok trends favour the spicy books traditionally published and so it makes sense why PB writes their own. I mean, they literally have a spicy fae one now (I played The Cursed Heart, yes, but for diamonds so I wasn't spending on the actual NSFW scenes that the book intends readers to indulge in).

I replayed Endless Summer and I will forever be mad that Kele was only a romance option for Quinn and not MC. Jake is my love and I adore Estela (but honestly female!Lancelot in Guinevere (a book I became obsessed with) made me well and truly fall in love with the muscly-woman-with-long-dark-hair-and-stoicism character type that I think they both share) BUT KELE. HE IS SO CUTE. WE WERE ROBBED.

Anyway, Endless Summer demonstrates I have a history of falling for the character that shows up halfway through books/series, and it does not help that Aerin's appearance reminds me of James Herondale, my greatest fictional crush. I don't know what to do. Hell, I'm tempted to replay Book 1 so that I can get that scene with Aerin in Book 2 Chapter 2 that I saw someone else had. For now, my fingers are crossed and I'm hoping to see him again later on in the updates.

[veebs-hates-video-games]

And now the Switch counterpart for the previous post, this time with all the Switch games I've started playing in the past five years but haven't finished but also am at least pretending I'll get back to eventually.

Hades is one I did technically finish, but only the main story the one time. I do want to play more and get some more of more people's stories and unlock some more stuff, but I just keep having other stuff to do. Great game though, and I'm looking forward to the sequel.

Final Fantasy 12 is one I keep going back to every once in a while. I do genuinely like a lot of stuff about it, but I inevitably run into something really annoying about it too every several hours and then take a break for a few months or a year. I do plan to finish it eventually though, and I'm slowly getting closer.

Bayonetta 2 is a lot better than the first game, which had some great ideas but just felt to me like it wasn't quite done figuring out what to do with them. I stopped like halfway through because reasons and haven't picked it up again yet at least partly because I feel like it would benefit from being on the TV instead of handheld, but I can't see the TV well enough.

Theatrhythm Final Bar Line is another one with the TV problem. I could play it just fine handheld, but the music in it deserves better than the built-in speakers, and the headphone jack is just awful quality. Unfortunately I can't see the TV and don't have my little audio box I run the Switch through so I can use my headphones with it while it's docked.

Tears of the Kingdom is also another TV victim. It's pretty low priority for me to get back to because I really don't love the direction they've gone with BotW and TotK, but it at least partially solves a lot of the problems I had with BotW so I've enjoyed it more. It's completely unplayable handheld for me though because the control setup is bad with a pro controller and literally unusable on the joycons, so it's on hold indefinitely until I can do something about that.

Dragon Quest 11 is so painfully slow replaying the first dozen hours that I already did in the demo on my computer a few years ago, and it makes it hard to work up the motivation to push through it. A lot of stuff about it is great though, and I really enjoyed this stuff the first time through, so I'll deal with it eventually. Probably.

GrimGrimoire OnceMore (or GRiMgRiMoiRe OnCeMoRe if the logo is anything to go by) is something I wanted to finish before Unicorn Overlord comes out, but that's almost definitely not happening. I got sidetracked and stopped playing it for a few months and totally forgot how everything works, and it's really not very forgiving of that. We'll see if I can remember how to video games one of these days.

Disco Elysium does so many things so well even though it's really not my usual kind of thing. I just haven't felt like my brain is in the right place for it lately.

Baten Kaitos is still fun 20 years later. I've been taking a break though because my ADHD brain decided it was time to do something else after like the first dozen hours or so. I'm in no rush with it because I've already played it before forever ago, so it'll get there when it gets there.

Kirby and the Forgotten Land has kind of made me like it less as it goes on. Like it's still plenty of fun, I just kept finding more little annoyances toward the end and lost my momentum. I've finished the main story and rolled the credits and everything, but I only made it partway through the postgame stuff before needing a break.

Jack Jeanne I'm actually actively working on, or was as of a day or two ago. I may or may not need a break because it takes forever to go through all the different routes, and after doing the neutral route first I don't like the individual character ones quite as much. That first time through that first route was my favorite thing so far this year though.

Egglia Rebirth is one of those things I go back to for a few hours a couple times a year. I still really like a lot of things about it, but it gets a little grindy and repetitive trying to do too much at once, and my brain is not suited to coming back to games for like half an hour or an hour once a day for days or weeks in a row. I need to do like 12 hours straight in a single sitting and then not touch it again for six months, which is really not the ideal way to play this.

Fire Emblem Warriors is also another few hours every few months game. I have an overly complex spreadsheet that I built off one of the existing ones online but added a bunch of stuff to it and enhanced it, and slowly checking stuff off is satisfying. I'm a good chunk of the way through history mode, but it'll take approximately forever to finish everything if I ever do.

Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is also a few hours every few months between other games. I already finished it a while ago and am just going through the story again on NG+. I still really like the characters and story, but this experience is quickly making the combat system become possibly my least favorite in the entire series, when before I felt like every game got better than the previous one.

The House in Fata Morgana I guess can be included too. I finished the actual main story last year and it was great, but I'm still pretending I'll try to get through the extra side stories and stuff one of these days. We'll see, I guess.

Between these lists in these two posts I'm at least theoretically in the middle of playing like 30 games. Why yes, I do have ADHD and a variety of other weird things going on in my brain. How did you guess?

[aurelim]

Since you asked about how long do we like our IFs...

Well, as a rule of thumb, I don't even read an IF that is less than 120k words! Of course, if I start reading a WIP and it ends up being short... well, that's life, it's fine. And there have been exceptions when I only started playing that sort of games too, before I had more defined tastes.

But most of the time, when an if is less than that specific bare minimum, then it's too fast paced and/or has not enough meat to it, and I don't get invested or end up frustrated. Not enough time to truly develop characters and to do a satisfying climax and ending to the story.

I'm the happiest with 1 million + words IFs (be it because it's such a big game, or because it has multiple books, or both). But well, that's a very high amount and not a lot of IFs go that big. Usually I'm very happy at around 400k to 800k words.

Between the 120k and the 400k mark... well... I've read good and bad. I will be more wary before purchasing a completed project of that length, because these are the usual hit or miss - sometimes I'll adore them, sometimes it will be very meh and I'll regret my purchase. So basically I'll be picky. Anything from 400k up, as long as I like the concept and it doesn't seem too stat based (and doesn't feature some big trigger of mine as a major plot point), I will purchase without a second thought!

this has been sitting in my inbox for about four days since I wasn't sure what I was going to say. But I would feel horrible if I threw it away, so I shall respond.

I get what you mean by disliking IFs below 120k, but I honestly like short games even if it means it was rushed. Or maybe I am so used to playing WIPs and not completed ones. I honestly hate when scenes drag on though. But I can usually tell when scenes are rushed (aka ATOL, *cough cough*) so I agree.

I don't like long games. Don't get me wrong--if there is more content, then there are more things for me to do and that is a good thing. But if games do not have a save point or something that I can pull up to go back then it would be hard for me to continue on. If you end up deleting the tab or something or if my computer restarts then I would lose progress, right?

I've never played paid games before don't make fun of me if I got this wrong.

But I were to play a million word game and I was interested in multiple characters that would mean I'd have to replay. But it is very tedious and my sanity already hangs by a thin thread so...

I played this game a while ago (Jazz Age) since it was free, although I had to wait hours for it. It got boring very quickly; probably as fast as the storyline. If you were to ask me what the plot was about I'd have nothing to say. It never stuck to me and I quit halfway through because I disliked it. And the word count is about 120k.

So yeah I see your point.

But I will say one thing: I am not planning to place a price tag on my games! At least not ATOL or ST4RDOM.