#i'm not very good at writing angst lol whoops

[tinystarbites]

accidents pt. II | Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: during a long case away, Spencer accidentally sees Reader's nudes on her phone and can't cope because he is a MESS for reader whoops pt.II The Reckoning /j, this is basically just 10k words of porn with feelings yikes

Warnings: SMUT MDNI, 18+ only, fem!reader, fluff, some angst (still Spencer feeling he isn't good enough 😔), EMOTIONSSS, Spencer STILL loves you so much, he gets a hug, and so much more!, talk about sex, detailed asking for CONSENT (be safe people), sex (piv), some frottage, uhhh what else, dirty talk, some dom/sub understones (sub!Spencer ofc), little bit allusion to subspace, Spencer discovers so many kinks in this awww we're so proud of you bby (mentioned kinks: praise kink, squint of liking being embarrassed, tiiny bit of a voyeristic thing), also I made him a virgin whoops so virgin!Spencer, proofread but prolly not perfect lol. Tell me if I'm missing any tags I am so tired

(also, Spencer will be bisexual in all of my Spencer fics because I am not a coward like the writers were and I will honour Spencer the way he was intended to)

HERE you can read pt. I, I do recommend it to have context and all but do whatever you want lmao I'm not your mother anyway have fun being completely wrecked like I was while writing this!! also thanks so so MUCH for 400 followers and almost 2k likes on the first part, you guys are the best and I hope you enjoy this fic as a thanks!!<333

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Spencer’s never sprung from his bed faster in his life before.

His heart is a jackhammer in his chest, chipping away at his ribs one bone splitter at a time because-

It’s you. In front of his door. And Spencer is so hard it hurts but- he can’t just-

“Spencer?”

He sucks in a haggard breath, hands reaching up and messing up his hair even more. His thoughts are everywhere and nowhere at once and he just needs to- needs just a moment to-

“Uh, yeah, just a second!”, he calls back, voice scratchy and used from the- the moaning Jesus Christ because he was about to come with your mental image and he somehow, magically, managed to apparently conjure you up in front of his door with his pathetic pining and oh god-

He has to- ugh- has to wash his hands and make it go away and –

“Okay, I’ll just…chill with that weird plant here.”

An overwhelmed whimper slips past his lips and he just, stands there for at least another five seconds before something in his mind snaps back into place and he rushes to the small, adjacent bathroom of his room.

After he thoroughly washed his hands, his erection has flagged off enough so that it’s not the first thing greeting you when he opens the door and thank god for that.

And oh- seeing you after doing that actually knocks the wind out of his lungs because you are just so goddamn lovely it makes Spencer want to do stupid, stupid things like cry or kiss you or spontaneously combust into a million pieces.

For once, he does something okay-ishly sensible though.

“Hi.”

You look at him, one eyebrow raised in amusement or scepticism, he doesn’t know for sure. Your eyes hold mirthful sparkles in them when he finally manages to meet your gaze, so he settles for the former of the two options.

You’re not wearing your work clothes anymore. Rather, you went for a cozy looking, oversized sweater and funkily patterned leggings. Your fashion sense outside of work always reminded Spencer of Penelope’s.

“Hi to yourself”, you chuckle, “Can I come in or are you too busy reading ten books at once?”

Spencer feels himself flush under your gentle teasing.

“Only seven books. But, yes, of course you can come in.”

He turns out of the way, creating room for you to pass him into his room. As soon as you are inside, you don’t hesitate to jump onto his bed and flop on your back with your arms spread wide.

Spencer’s breath hitches and he has to do some very extensive mental gymnastics to supress all the inappropriate thoughts from escaping the box he banished them into. Controlling his body’s response to seeing you in the same bed he was just jacking off in is… a different story. He pulls down the hem of his shirt as discreetly as possible, as he takes a seat next to you. Making sure that there is not too much distance between you two as to raise any suspicion and make it obvious he’s trying to get some distance between you, but also enough space so that he isn’t enticed to do anything unwise. Like, reach out and feel your warmth underneath his fingers. Or the softness of your skin. Or anything else really.

The more seconds tick by in which neither of you say anything, the more nervous Spencer becomes. He starts fiddling around with his fingers, aborting more than one move to steal a glance at your face to see what you’re thinking.

“Spencer”, you then finally say, voice kind of pout-y and if that didn’t make Spencer whip his head around to face you, the next thing you say for sure does. “Do you hate me?”

“Wha-“, he sputters your name, “No- no! Of course, I don’t- whe- why would you think that?”

You let out an exasperated groan, moving around until you are lying on your side, head propped up on your arm and frowning up at him. “Because you’ve been acting hella weird these last few days and you won’t tell me whyyyy”, you drag out the last syllable, pout on your lips and Spencer has to look up at the ceiling or else he’s just going to confess everything without second thought and that will definitely not happen.

“I haven’t been acting weird, really, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You remain silent again and Spencer feels the judging glare you send his way without having to look at you. Yes, he has been acting weird, he knows that, but you can never ever know the reason why tha-

“Is it because you saw my nudes?”

Spencer almost breaks his neck with how fast he whips his head down to look at you again. A strangled noise escapes him without permission and what. What.

“Because, that would actually explain so much, especially the way you’ve been acting and really, that’s probably on me because I’ve always been telling myself to put them behind a password block but I somehow always manage to forget that because apparently I have only one braincell left that’s stuck spinning on the deep-fried version of Funky Town and well, I guess I’m glad it was you that found them and not someone else and-“

“What? No, no, I didn’t- What- that’s not- what-“, Spencer cuts off your rambling with a horrified, screeched version of a protest because how- how could you have guessed what’s going on with just one try? Is Spencer so- so absolutely besotted with you that he’s so obvious? Spencer is so very confused and overwhelmed with whatever the hell is going on, he kind of misses the slight twitching of your mouth.

“Come on, Spencer. I said it’s fine and basically my own fault. Uh- well, actually… sorry. Because, well, that’s probably not very work-appropriate… I will pay for your therapy session, just send me the bill.”

Spencer thought he’d reached the limits of confusion seconds ago but apparently, he hadn’t. What. What are you even saying?

“Therapy sessions?”

You just- ignore him.

“Oh, also, please don’t tell Hotch? He’ll be pissed, despite me literally just doing hot-girl shit, y’know-“

Oh, Spencer cannot take it anymore.

He says your name and, “Stop, please, please, just-“

You snap your mouth shut, pulling your lips between your teeth and Spencer definitely doesn’t miss the way you have to force your mouth to stay still this time.

“Are you- is this a joke?”, Spencer asks, frazzled and desperate and so confused he just wants to bury his head under the duvet and never come out again. Because if you don’t actually know but- are just joking around, oh Spencer is overwhelmed, alright.

Your expression changes into something panicked then. “No, no, Spencer, sorry. I’m- sorry. Of course I’m not joking, I’m so sorry. It’s just a little bit too easy to tease you. Sorry.” You actually look apologetic now, lips downturned and frowning slightly.

“Not joking- so… so, you know?”, there’s something big and anxious pressing inside of Spencer’s chest. The urge to hide away and never face daylight again intensifies tenfold. He’s flushing before he realizes, hands trembling and breathing a bit too fast to be considered normal. Oh god, you know, you actually know, you’re going to- you’re never going to speak with him again you are probably here to tell him how weird and- and-

You must’ve noticed the frenzy he is thinking himself into, because you reach out with one hand and gently nudge his thigh with one knuckle. “Spencer”, you say, voice serious and steady and not the slightest bit disgusted or harsh and it snaps him out of his anxiety spiral.

“I knew the second I walked back into that room after you basically fled the precinct. I am, really, genuinely, sorry for making you uncomfortable. Like, it wasn’t actually my intention for you to see them. And then, after I realized what… I just wanted to wait and see what you’d do, if you came to talk to me or, well…”

You sigh, the hand that nudged him ruffling through your hair.

“I didn’t handle this situation very well. I’m really sorry. So… “, you trail off, scrunching your nose in that adorable way of yours that makes Spencer want to kiss it until it scrunches even further because you’d laugh and try to fight him off.

“We can just- forget about this. Forget that it ever happened, or-“, you hesitate again.

Spencer feels suddenly breathless. Like he stands in front of a cliff face, seconds before taking the step to send himself careening towards something immeasurably great or devastatingly fatal.

“Or…?”, he breathes, voice small and unsure.

You meet his eyes again after what feels like hours. There’s something intense in them, burning, and it’s like an electric shock to Spencer’s system. He’d give anything for you to keep looking at him like that forever.

“Or”, your hand returns to his thigh, but this time you let your fingers travel along the shape of it and Spencer whimpers. The burning in your eyes intensifies and Spencer feels hot, suddenly, so hot he’s burning with it. “Or we can do something else.”

“Something else?”, Spencer basically croaks because his throat is so dry and it’s difficult for his body to function properly when you are touching him like that.

You hum in agreement. “Whatever you want. You can tell m-“

“You.”

You look a bit startled when he cuts you off with that one, desperate syllable. Startled but also endlessly amused and Spencer just- his mind is apparently turned off, what the-

You laugh quietly, and your eyes soften, and it does something to Spencer that leaves an ach-y feeling in his chest. Oh, he loves you so much he can’t take it.

“Sure. You can have me”, you say simply, as if it’s the easiest thing in the world for you to admit, “Tell me what exactly you want, because I’d give you the world if you asked.”

And suddenly there’s hot pressure behind Spencer’s eyes, at the back of his throat. You’re just- just- amazing and so lovely and so kind to him, no one has ever said something like that to him, he doesn’t know how to handle it.

Spencer blinks up to the ceiling, desperately willing these stupid unwelcome tears away because crying about you treating him kindly is so on the bottom of the list of acting casual about this, so he rather feels than sees you sitting up next to him. Your hand slips from his legs and he feels the loss of your touch as if someone sucked the marrow from his bones. Before he can say something embarrassing like ‘please touch me again’ he feels your hand covering his. It fills him with a heady kind of courage.

“I want…”, Spencer starts, feeling entirely too uncomfortable with having to state his deepest and darkest desires. There’s the old familiar urge to start picking at his nails nagging at him, but you just interlace your fingers with his and start tracing random patterns into the skin there with your thumb. Spencer melts against you and tenses up at the same time because it’s just so- so nice. It feels so nice and Spencer never thought he’d ever get to have things like that with you but you’re here. You’re here, with him, and basically offering Spencer the entire world on a silver platter but it’s still so so unfathomably difficult just saying what he so badly wants.

“You want…?”, you hum slightly, voice soft and so tender as you continue painting patterns on his skin and Spencer would literally die for you. And that’s the entire problem. Spencer doesn’t know if you’d do the same. Well. Maybe not die die for him but. He can’t just sleep with you, and it not meaning anything to you. It would kill him. It would kill him, if after you give him tenderness and pleasure and acceptance in a way he’s never dreamed of receiving, you would go back to normal. Always politely distanced, close, but never close enough and it already twists his chest just thinking of that possibility.

“I just-“, he tries again, but when the words are stuck in his throat, sticky molten sugar that tastes like bile and fear, he pulls out of your grip and buries his face in his hands. He’s so bad at this. He’s the worst. No wonder he’s never had- had something like Morgan has, one night stand after one night stand (not that he particularly wants that, god no, but just-) because Spencer is just so bad at spilling all of the things that plague his gut and keep his thoughts in overdrive at night. No wonder he’s never even had a girlfriend or boyfriend before.

“Hey, hey, Spencer”, he feels your hands cupping his own, still over his face. Not taking them away, but just – there. “It’s alright, penguin, we can always come back to this another time. I’ll wait.”

Spencer’s face crumples and his breath hitches a little because- penguin. That’s the frankly ridiculous nickname you’ve been using for him ever since he apparently once looked like one, with that white scarf and knee-length black coat he wore during one of your cases where a blizzard surprised not only the team, but also the unsub. Spencer, like most of you, wasn’t prepared and thus, had to make do with what the helpful officers provided them with. And well, Spencer drew the penguin stick it seemed.

It’s ridiculous but sweet and it always makes him feel so loved, loved by you, because it’s adorable and theirs and he just loves it irrationally much, okay? And also, penguins are just really fascinating because-

“Did you know that most penguins live monogamously? The Emperor penguin is actually one of the only ones that mate seasonally, they only have one mate per breeding season. But most others have a mate for life, like, like swans and bald eagles.”

Before Spencer even opened his mouth, he was aware of the fact he was going to ramble on about some unimportant stuff. It’s always like this, it always feels like a breath he’s been holding in for too long, like an itch somewhere in his weird brain that only stops when he opens his mouth and infodumps and he cannot stop it. No matter how consciously he is telling himself to cut it out or screaming at himself to shut the fuck up you weirdo, it’s unavoidable. As soon as his brain latches onto a statistic or a fact it is reminded of, it’s an unstoppable force.

Like now. He is kicking himself. Why, oh why can’t he ever be normal? He feels himself flushing bright red from embarrassment and shame and frustration. He can’t believe he is rambling about birds while- while whatever the hell you two are doing right now. While in the middle of a conversation that started out with you confronting him about him seeing your nudes, jesus christ.

Spencer is about to suffocate himself with a pillow when you let out a graceless snort.

It confuses Spencer so much he lowers his hands to look at you and- oh.

Your eyes are shining with something that looks so close to what he would call affection, and it makes him want to bawl his eyes out and at the same time, smile so hard there’ll be laugh lines on his cheeks for the rest of the week.

“Well, that fits perfectly then”, you say, and Spencer doesn’t understand.

“What do you mean?”

You smile just a little wider, a little more teasingly but in a nice way, in a kind way and it leaves Spencer’s chest blooming with warmth.

“If you’re my penguin, I’ll be your penguin.”

Youryouryouryouryour-

Spencer feels entirely braindead. Only the fact that you called him yours registers. Because yes. Yes. Spencer is so yours he’d gladly let you make every decision for him from now on in his life and yes. That’s not exactly a very normal thing to think. Or to want. Spencer doesn’t care. He’s never felt normal about you for a day in his life and he definitely won’t start now.

“You- you mean- like, as, as mates?”

You scrunch your nose in disgust. “If you want to call us that, I think I’ll take back my offer.”

It punches a giggle out of Spencer, sudden and kind of light-headed. He watches your face break into a wide grin.

“But you- you’d like that?” You’d like me?

You pull a face, sniffing in a nonchalant way, direct your face to your nails in fake disinterest.

“Sure. Whatever.”

And Spencer can’t help himself. He sobs out a laugh- laughs out a sob or, whatever that weird noise he makes is, because you’re so ridiculous and he loves you more than anything in the world.

You roll your eyes, fondly, shake your head slightly.

“Of course, Spencer. I’d like that very much because I like you a very unnormal amount. Literally. On my knees, crying, screaming etcetera”, you say just like that, smiling just like that.

Spencer feels like he’s dreaming. He must be. There’s no other explanation for it. He just can’t wrap his head around the fact that you could like him. You. You’re so, so lovely and amazing and you deserve everything good in this world and Spencer is just. Spencer.

“You- you like me? Me?”, Spencer can’t hide the incredulous tone that seeps into his questions because you like him?

There’s no traces of humour in your eyes anymore. Your eyes look painfully honest, face suddenly serious, and it steals Spencer’s breath away.

You lean closer to him again, grabbing his hands with yours. Your gaze bores itself into his, intense and steady and he can’t look away. “Spencer. I know it’s- I know life has been hard on you for way too long. And that leaves its marks on you. That’s fine. It’s human. But. You do not deserve any less love because of that, do you understand me? Of course I like you, what isn’t there to like? You’re kind and funny and sweet and just so- Spencer. You’re so lovable and it kills me to know that you don’t see how you are so worthy of being loved.”

Oh.

Oh.

You can’t just- can’t just say things like that and expect him to not cry a little. Can’t expect him to act completely nonchalant and cool about all of this when you say things like that to him. Are you trying to kill him? Because it sure does feel like that.

Spencer is so completely at a loss. He doesn’t know what to say to that- not to mention what to do. How do you always do this? How can you see straight to the hidden, bruised core of him, littered with all these ugly and bad things and. Just. Figure out what to say to strike him exactly there.

It should scare him, being known so deeply. It should, but it doesn’t because it’s you. You are warmth and acceptance like his favourite place in front of a fireplace, book in hand and rain gently knocking against windows. You are quiet mornings at work, you are soft rays of sunlight in his hair, you are gentle hands helping you up when you fall and bruise your knees. You are –

A touch to his cheek startles him. He opens his eyes – when did he close them? – to your fingers brushing some stray tears away, so softly as if he’s something precious, something to be held delicately. That thought sends new tears spilling down his cheek. He can’t believe this is affecting him so much, so completely he simultaneously feels like he is going to shatter and be stitched back together again.

He never knew he needed this so much.

“Sorry for making you cry, penguin. I didn’t think this discussion about my lack of nude etiquette would get this emotionally damaging”, you say, voice hushed in the big silence of the room, a small smile on your lips and eyes so kind.

Spencer snorts, despite himself. This has really been a very bizarre evening. He feels almost drunk on the weirdness of it all, on the rollercoaster that his emotions have ridden all evening. That’s probably why he does what he does next.  

“Neither did I, especially after you interrupted me while I wa-“

Spencer shuts his mouth so fast he clicks his teeth together, eyes wide and suddenly horrified. He- what-

Why?

Why can’t Spencer ever keep his big mouth shut? Is he completely and utterly insane?

There’re alarm bells going off somewhere in Spencer’s head and a concerning warmth settling deep in his stomach when your grin takes on a slightly devilish edge, one he knows all too well and. And. Oh. He’s in trouble. So much trouble. Why did he have to say that?

“After I interrupted you while?”, you prompt him, eyes electric and hot and oh god-

Spencer is so dumb. An idiot. Of the highest order. High IQ, where?

“Nothing”, he says, voice high-pitched and rushed and he curses himself and his ability to act everything else but nonchalant. He’d be the worst actor of all time.

“Spencer.”

The tone of your voice rearranges something in his neurons. He can feel himself sit up just that little bit straighter, can feel his mind buzz at the edges. He’s never felt like this before.

He loves it.

“Hmm?”, is all he gets out. Trouble, so much trouble.

Suddenly you’re standing up, away from him and Spencer wants to whine because you should stay there next to him, forever fixed to his side. He doesn’t have to despair long, because you take one of your knees and gently nudge his legs apart with it and okay. Okay. That definitely didn’t just send Spencer’s mind reeling. That wasn’t just totally the hottest thing that ever happened to him.

You slot yourself between his legs as if you own that space and. In his humble opinion, you do. You so do. Spencer is willing to give you a map of his entire body and a marker and tell you to please demarcate every part of him you want. He’d give it to you, no questions asked.

He is looking up at you, at your burning eyes that still hold something so soft in them that makes the lump in his throat bigger again. And by god, Spencer just needs to hear you say it again-

“You like me?”

You move closer to him, lifting one hand and placing it underneath his chin. Your thumb traces along his jaw and Spencer feels like he is going to burst into a million embarrassed pieces.

“Yes”, you say simply, but the way you say it. Spencer can’t help but shiver and exhale shakily. He feels so warm, everywhere. His skin burns where your fingers are touching him. He never wants this to stop.

“You- You want me?”

Your hand grips his face a little stronger, your other fingers splaying over and down his throat and there’s a high noise coming from somewhere and there’s goosebumps on his body everywhere and oh, wait- it’s him. The noise. Well, how embarrassing but. He doesn’t care. Nope. Not at all.

…Okay maybe a little. His face feels warm, suddenly, warmer than the rest of him and yes. He’s blushing, okay?

“Spencer”, the way you say his name it- god, “I want you. I said it before, but. I will give you anything. Tell me what you want, Spencer, and you will get it from me.”

Your eyes are so dark and your voice so low and Spencer actually whines and. He’s hard again, so hard, because he didn’t come before and now, he’s even more pent-up and his thoughts are a mess, but you haven’t even touched him more than this and he’s already so worked up from you just saying these things to him-

“I want you”, Spencer pants, currently finding no other English words in the dictionary of his mind. And well. Emily was right about him. IQ slashed to zero when pretty person do thing.

He watches you take a deep breath, as if to steady yourself, as if this whole thing is affecting you as much as it affects him but that’s- ridiculous. Impossible. Because. Have you seen yourself?

“I know that, Spencer. But what do you want from me? Do you want me to kiss you?”, you ask, face suddenly so close to his Spencer feels your breath fan over his skin, and he whimpers because yes he wants that wants that- “Do you want me to touch you more?”, your other hand grabs his side, gentle but just a little bit roughly and Spencer is suddenly vividly reminded of the fact how strong you are and he feels kind of lightheaded-

“Do you want me to fuck you, Spencer?”

Spencer is going to pass out. And die. And moan and say, “Please yes yes yes”. Maybe not in that particular order.

“Okay, angel, anything you want”, you say, smiling softly at him as if he’s the best thing in the world and angel. Angel. Angel.

Before he’s even started to process you calling him angel, he sees a glint in your eyes, that edge in your smile again and before he knows what’s happening, you’re kissing him.

You’re kissing him and it’s- everything.

Your mouth is soft against his, and Spencer’s insides twist and flutter and his brain is kind of lagging behind, but he wants to be closerclosercloser-

It’s so good Spencer completely blanks on everything. There’s nothing in his mind except the feel of your lips moving against his. There’s no insecurity, no embarrassment tainting this moment even though this is literally like, only the sixth kiss or so of Spencer’s life and he has no idea what he is doing. But it’s so good.

A noise somewhere between a moan and a whimper escapes him when you lick into his mouth and Spencer’s soul almost leaves his body. He feels you shudder where you are pressed together, chest to chest.

“Spencer, Spencer”, you breathe against his lips, in between wet, hot, kisses. You rub your nose against his, eyes closed.

“Hmm?”, he hums, his voice somewhere in Canada or wherever. His mouth is too busy smiling so wide it hurts, anyways. No time for articulating anything.

“You’re amazing, Spencer, amazing.”

And he wants to shake his head, no, because the only one amazing here is you. But it’s impossible to disagree with you when your mouth has returned to his in a way that is probably ruining him for anyone else. (He’s okay with that.)

You peck him on the lips once, twice more, before you press your lips against his jaw, exactly where you had your fingers before. Your hands are basically the only thing holding Spencer up in a sitting position, because he feels like molten chocolate in your hands. Muscles apparently forgetting to do their job and well. Who can blame them? Spencer has stopped thinking in proper sentences the moment you had walked into his life, so. Only a matter of time until you broke the rest of him as well.

You kiss his neck and Spencer gasps. It’s really been a hot minute - three years, one hundred, twenty-one days and twenty hours to be exact – the last time he made out with someone. Everything feels heightened on his heated skin, especially you opening your mouth against him and licking him oh god-

It almost feels like a reward when you gently bite at his skin next. Spencer almost screams.

“So good, so so good for me”, he hears you whisper into the skin of his neck and this time, Spencer does make a noise. Because yes. He wants that. Be good for you. That’s the only thing in his fuzzy mind that feels clear, that feels graspable.

He can see your pupils dilate. Can see the wicked lilt to your lips. “You like being good for me, don’t you, angel?”

ANGEL. Spencer is nodding his head before he knows he does so. “Yes, yes.”

“Fuck”, he hears you breathe against him and it’s strange, seeing the effect he has on you. Did really he do that? “I can’t believe how incredible you are, sweetheart.”

And you need to stop. If you keep calling Spencer these things- he’s pretty sure he won’t survive this. The team would need to find another genius to solve cases with. His cactus Greg would dry out and wilt and die. You and Penelope would need to find another victim to send confusing memes to.

“Did you like my pictures, Spencer?”, you then ask and that’s so not fair. You can’t just ask him that while he’s so utterly in your hands that he’s sure he’d tell you about every little fantasy he’s had about you ever if you asked.

Because Spencer wants to be good, feels that need so deeply in his bones, he nods frantically. “Yes, I- I liked them.”

At the same time the words leave his mouth, something feels wrong. There’s an ugly thing twisting in his stomach, so unpleasant it momentarily occludes the high-octane bliss-fuzz fogging up his mind.

You notice the shift in mood almost immediately. “What’s wrong, angel?”

And well. It’s just- that guilt. Of not saying anything to you about Spencer seeing your nudes, of just ogling you like that without your permission. That wasn’t very good of him. Actually, the opposite. He’s been bad and he hates that. Hates that so severely that there’s suddenly tears on his cheeks and oh no. That’s mortifying. Who cries before sex? Jesus Christ he’s such a virgin it is genuinely embarrassing.

“I’m- I’m sorry”, he stutters, a little bit hysterical, creating distance between you, arms slung around himself, “I should’ve, should’ve said something, I’m so so sorry, I’m the worst friend and now I’m- I’m crying, oh god, I’m so sorry-“

“Hey, hey hey whoa. Spencer, darling. Penguin. Look at me, please?”

But he shakes his head. He doesn’t deserve to look at you again. What was he even thinking? He was- so creepy and now- now-

Two warm hands grab his face and then Spencer is looking into your eyes again. He squeezes his own shut, but all that it does is send more tears spilling over his cheeks and he’s so fucking stupid-

“Baby, please.”

Spencer sobs.

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. That’s the best thing he has ever heard but he doesn’t deserve these things.

“Of course you deserve it, silly goose”, you say and oh. He’s said that out loud.

Your thumbs brush over his cheeks and Spencer can’t not lean into your touch, despite everything. Because that’s just the way it always is. He’s drawn to your warmth and tenderness like a moon revolves around its planet.

“I thought we’d established that it was an accident? And if it was someone’s fault, then mine, because no password, remember?”

Spencer opens his eyes. The deep affection swimming in yours makes him sob again. He’s a mess. A crying, horny mess and Spencer definitely fucked this up. Why does Spencer always ruin the few good things in his life?

“Spencer, Spencer. Hey. It’s okay, I promise you. We wouldn’t be doing this, if it wasn’t, okay?”, you kiss his nose. “Do you want to lay down, maybe?”

He nods, not really thinking clearly. He moves up the bed, under the covers and curls up on his side. He waits for you to get up from the bed, for you to walk over to the door and leave. To say that this was a mistake, he was a mistake. To say that you take back everything you said to him in the last half hour.

He’s not just a little surprised to feel your weight dip the mattress, to feel even more sudden warmth engulf him when you spoon him from behind. You start tracing swirly patterns over the skin of his arm and he feels goosebumps spread all over his body.

Some minutes tick by, you still holding him, when his tears have finally dried up. He doesn’t remember crying so much in one day. Spencer feels miserable.

“Do you still like me?”, he asks, and yes, it’s pathetic and stupid but. He doesn’t care if you never have sex or if you’re not going to be more than his friend now. Because the thought of you not being in his life in any capacity anymore- just no.

He can feel you freeze and take in a sharp breath. “Wha- Spencer. Of course, I still like you. I don’t care what we do, I just want to be with you. In any way you’ll have me.”

You sound so understanding and sincere and actually confused about his fear as if you’d never even think of not liking him anymore and and and-

And something in him just- snaps. He wants you, needs you so much he’s going to die if he doesn’t-

He shuffles and turns in your arms until he’s face to face with you. You look at him, eyebrow raised in question but so beautiful and lovely and you still like him-

“I want you so bad”, he says and then he presses his lips against yours again.

You respond immediately, low moan escaping you and Spencer is greedy, he wants to hear more, feel more, feel everything with you.

He’s kissing you as if he’s going to die if he ever stopped, which, yes, he absolutely would, and you kiss him back as if you can’t live without him. It makes everything become hazy again, like before, and every bad feeling suddenly feels eons away. Like he’s underwater, floaty and relaxed. Safe, he feels safe in the way you kiss him and hold him. Like you always do.

You move your kisses to his neck, sucking and biting and Spencer is moaning and moaning and can’t stop and then suddenly, you’re gone, what –

“Spencer, Spencer, wait”, you pant, out of breath and flushed and he wants to cry again, “Sorry, sorry I just-“

You frame his face in your hands, a little bit roughly. “I’m so sorry for making this so hard, you’re being so good for me, but Spencer. Have you done this before?”

Somewhere in the fog that is his minds, Spencer finds his voice. It’s high and airy but he doesn’t care. “No, no, I haven’t.”

He watches you take a deep breath, feels your fingers digging into his skin a little bit more.

“Tell me. Do you want this, Spencer?”, your voice is shaking as if you need to keep yourself in check and Spencer can’t believe he’s getting to see you like this.

“Yes”, he says because he can’t ever want anything else, and, “Please make me feel good.”

You inhale sharply, your grip on his face bordering on painful. “Spencer, you’re incredible, amazing, the best- I’ll make you feel good, okay? I’ll make you feel so good because you deserve it.”

“Yes”, Spencer is not ashamed of how whiny he sounds. No. He’s owning it now. This is his thing now, okay? He’ll gladly be your pathetic wet cat, or whatever the term was that you sometimes use to describe him with. Whatever it even means.

“Good”, you grin, and then you push on his shoulder hard and he’s on his back. And you. Sitting on top of him, thighs on either side of him. Straddling him exactly where he wants you most and he exhales a needy ‘ah’. His hypothesis of liking being manhandled is… yet to be disproven. He’s discovering so many things about himself today.

Pleasure radiates in waves from where you’re passively giving pressure to his hard cock and yeah okay. This is good. Amazing. He’s never felt better. But-

“Please.”

“Please what, angel?”

“More?”

“More what?”

Your fingers trailing along his throat and jaw, down his chest and teasing ghost-like over his nipples are not really helpful in finding the right words to what he wants. You take pity on him.

“More touch?”

Spencer nods his head, so fast he almost gets dizzy because he’s at that point again where everything feels liquid, hazy, a little bit unreal. So, speaking is already quite the task.

You smile at him as if he just solved the most difficult equation. “Doing so good, Spencer. Incredible.”

He moans. Okay. Another hypothesis to add to his ever-growing list of scientific discoveries today.

“Where do you want touch, Spencer? Here?”, there’s hands in his hair. He shakes his head.

“Hmm… Here?”, fingers drawing circles on his chest and yes, that feels nice, so nice but he wants-

“Here?”, you ground your hips down and jesus-

“Yes!”, Spencer almost chokes on the sound. Pleasure shoots up his spine and he whimpers. “Please.”

You exhale shakily, looking flush. “Okay. Because you ask so nicely.” There’re two little taps on his lower stomach through his shirt. “Do you want to take this off first? Or no?”

The way you give him the chance to say no- the way you respect his autonomy so deeply-

It’s basic human decency, yes, but it’s also the hottest thing and Spencer feels so valued and understood and safe that he’s not even hesitating when he mutters a quiet yes.

You help him sit up because he’s currently not really heir over his body like he usually is. Help his head out of the shirt and thread his arms out. And then, he’s half naked in front of you and suddenly, the doubt and insecurity that’ve been so quiet so far are back with a vengeance.

The urge to cover himself is so big it’s impossible to stop his arms from wrapping around himself.

Spencer knows he’s not ugly. He’s not that bad looking actually. Can’t be too bad if Morgan keeps insisting on calling him pretty boy, even though Spencer sometimes still has the sneaking suspicion that he’s teasing him. But his friend wouldn’t be so cruel.

But other people like to be. Pipe-cleaner, leek, straw, big-eyes. He’s heard it all before. He has matured enough and grown into himself so that these things don’t bother him like they used to. But still. Still. These things are arduous to scrub from under his skin.

Your gaze on him though- he’s never felt so, cleaned from all of these mean words before. You look- you look reverent while mapping his skin and maybe that’s the reason why he lowers his arms again.

“Spencer. You’re a dream”, you say, almost in trance. Almost as if you’re hypnotized by him, and he’s flushing. But. Being watched so intently, being admired like that. He feels his dick give an indigent twitch against your clothed core. Another thing for the list.

“So impatient”, you tut and Spencer flushes more. He thinks he’s waited long enough for this. But he doesn’t say that. If you stopped now- he would definitely combust spontaneously.

You lean down, over him. Hands trailing along his sides like you did earlier, but without any clothes between your skin and his. It’s almost too much. And not enough. He feels electrified, where you touch him. His heart is hammering against his ribs so hard you must be able to feel it. His stomach is in knots, fluttery. He’s never felt more alive.

You connect your lips to his throat, placing kiss after kiss along the arched length of it. Follow the same path with your tongue and Spencer whines, curves up against you a little. Everything feels so good Spencer is floating in it.

You shift your attention to his collarbones next, kissing but then gently biting and Spencer feels the indents of your teeth all the way through to his back and he hopes, wants, you to sink them into him so deep they’ll leave marks. So that he carries the evidence of this with him for the rest of this case, so that there’s absolutely no more doubt to who he belongs to. That thought alone makes him whimper, makes him feel that tiny little bit more lost in you.

You start kissing along his chest, down his stomach. Open mouthed, wet kisses and Spencer shivers when the places you put them feel cold after because of your spit. The lower you get, the noisier he becomes and at one point, Spencer would’ve been embarrassed. Well, he kind of is, but he’s also so turned on that the embarrassment doesn’t feel as stifling like usual. Rather, in a weird way, it makes everything hotter, and he does not own enough brain capacity right now to decipher that. But he does add it to the list.

When your face is dangerously close to the waistband of his pyjama, Spencer tenses, holds his breath. Being shirtless is one thing, but… well.

“It’s okay, Spencer. We only do as much as you feel comfortable with”, you murmur, giving a small peck to the left of his belly button. You calmingly follow his sides with your hands, smiling at him with so much affection in your eyes that Spencer feels speechless, breathless, until the tension releases his muscles again and he melts into the sheets.

“’m just…”, he tries, he really tries so hard to tell you that he wants this more than anything he’s ever wanted but that he just feels… insecure.

You kiss his stomach again. “How about we only take off the pyjama? For now? If you want to take off your underwear too later, we can still do that.”

That… that’s actually a good idea. So, he nods.

“Words, angel.”

“Yes, yes. That’s- good.”

You look so proud of him. “You’re so good, Spencer. Perfect.”

He moans embarrassingly loud. He really should be more concerned about this. About how you are basically pulling him apart, thread by thread and he just lets you, willingly. How you know which threads to pull to reduce him to a sweaty mess in what felt like 0.2 seconds.

There’s a finger dipping beneath the waistband, moving back and forth along the newly exposed skin. Your eyes watch him intently, almost predator-like. A question is in there somewhere as well and Spencer nods again.

You help him lift his hips, help him pull down the pants. Spencer is kind of busy kicking his legs a little to shake them off completely but when he looks back and down himself to where you are hyper-focused on the outline of his cock through the thin fabric he blushes.

Even more when he notices the big, dark blue splotch in front of his underwear. That’s definitely never happened before. How embarrassing.

When you look up at him again, you’re also flushed. Eyes dark, wide, voice kind of unsteady. “Spencer, Spencer, can I?”

“Please”, and then you palm him with your hand, and it feels so good it takes all of his concentration to not come on the spot. He doesn’t know if he’ll survive this until you arrive to the main thing.

It’s not the first time someone has touched him like that, but it is the first time you are doing it, and it already feels better than anything he’s ever felt before. You’re either a wizard or Spencer is just biased because he thinks everything you do is ten times better than the same thing done by someone else.

Probably the first reason.

He has his head angled back, one of his arms thrown over his eyes. If he looked at you now, he’s pretty sure, he’d come. Visual stimulation on top of physical would probably be the end of him. It’s already too much, just feeling your hand move up and down his dick in various pressures. Almost as if you are testing what he likes best, and Spencer is definitely here for it. Definitely. He’s happy to just let you experiment with him until you know all the different ways to drive him mad with pleasure with just a few moves.

Which, you apparently already figured out, judging by the way Spencer can’t form a single coherent thought anymore. It’s already, so good, so freaking good holy shit, and you’re still not touching him. Still a layer of fabric between your hand and him and he kind of- just-

“Take it off?”

You still your hand, looking up at him. You look kind of crazed, almost a little pained. It takes two deep breaths for you to process what he just asked, eyes a little unfocused before they fix Spencer to the bed with an intensity that makes him feel unfocused. “You sure, angel?”

Spencer literally can’t do anything but nod. You stay in your position for some moments longer, before you sigh out a long breath, mumbling something that suspiciously resembles you’re gonna be the death of me. Spencer misses your warmth on top of him the second you hoist yourself up. It’s kind of crazy and destitute of him. You are literally right there but he’s waited for this for so long it feels like he’s suffocating without your weight pressing him down. Which is ironic and also, insane.

Your fingers are gentle, when they move under the stretchy fabric of his underwear. Even gentler when they pull down and down and down until Spencer is entirely naked in front of you.

Oh, he feels so exposed. While he has been the recipient of a mediocre hand job before, it’s been in his trousers. This is kind of the first time someone sees him naked like that, because school locker rooms and his mother don’t count.

He doesn’t dare look at you. If there’s anything akin to disappointment, not to mention disgust on your face- Spencer probably would have to jump out the window, stat. His gaze is frozen on his cock, steadily leaking precum on his stomach (which, embarrassing). He’s abashedly trying to insert himself into your point of view, tries to imagine what you think about seeing him like this. What you might think about his dick, if it’s too short or too thin or if it looks weird, if he should’ve shaved. If his legs look strange and too gangly now, or if his stomach connects to his pubic area wrong or-

“Holy shit”, you say, and Spencer is too curious for his own damn good sometimes, because he can’t force his gaze to stay away from you.

You look at him- like before. Reverent but more, so much more. He almost feels like a deity, the way you look at him. Someone to be awed by, someone that should be worshipped. Spencer feels his already in overdrive heartbeat quicken even more, blood flushing his cheeks so much it leaks down his throat, to his chest.

Spencer would literally kill to have you look at him like this for the rest of his life.

“Holy shit, Spencer”, you repeat, eyes now meeting his, “You’re like- a literal fucking dream. I cannot believe- you’re so beautiful, how are you so beautiful everywhere?”

Spencer whimpers and he needs you to touch him kiss him fuck him anything please now or he will absolutely die from heart palpitations.

Some of his despairing thoughts must’ve come through to you, because the next thing you do is moan, which is the best thing he’s ever heard. Then, you take off your sweater. Second to go is your cropped tank top and you aren’t wearing a bra and good heavens.

Pictures could never compare. Not even Botticelli could’ve adequately committed you to canvas.

Spencer must’ve taken some brain damage from seeing you half naked. He doesn’t remember you taking off the remainder of your clothes, nor does he remember you straddling him again. But, fuck.

Spencer kind of doesn’t use the f-word that often but-

fuckfuckfuckufuckfkcufuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckcufkc-

You’re warm against him, and wet, so freaking wet, and it feels so mind-blowingly good- it’s a miracle he’s still holding on. But-

“Won’t last long”, he gets out, breathy and whiny and just so goddamn fuzzy from pleasure. The world could literally perish right now, and he wouldn’t care. He can’t care, because this is the best thing that ever happened to him and he won’t ever care about anything else ever again other than feeling you, you you you you, against him.

“Spencer, Spencer”, you breathe, gasp, and fuck, the way you keep using his name. “Are you okay? Do you still want this?”

It’s ridiculous you even ask. But the warmth in his chest, the feeling of comfort and safety and ease – because everything with you is so easy, so natural - he feels with the way you look after him-

He feels your thumbs caressing his wet cheeks. You put small, sweet kisses all over his face. Take the time to brush away some of his sweat-sticky hair from his forehead. Place kisses there too. You end with a drawn out, gentle kiss to his lips.

“What do you say, sweetheart?”

There’s really only one way for him to answer that. He trusts you. Plain and simple. There’s no one else he could ever do this with.

“Yes, I want. Please.”

You kiss him again. “So good Spencer, you’re so fucking good to me. I can’t believe you are trusting me with this. You are incredible, angel.”

Spencer doesn’t know how it’s anatomically possible, but he blushes even harder. Also, feels his cock twitch against you because he apparently likes to be called good almost as much as he likes being good. For you. Only you. Jesus Christ.

“Do you have a condom?”, you ask and ah. Well.

“Suitcase”, and wow. First word with more than one syllable since you straddled him the first time. He’s being so brave right now. He deserves a medal. Proof of Being Able to Speak Polysyllabic Words While Getting Fucked (Almost).

There’s humour glistening in your eyes, when you hide a fake gasp behind your hand and say, “Oh my god, Spencer you dog. Can’t believe you planned this entire thing.”

Spencer almost chokes on his own spit. “N-no! I just- uh, like being prepared.”

You grind down a snort, drive your teeth into your lower lip. “In case you accidentally saw your coworker’s nudes and them being down to fuck you about it?"

Oh my god, you’re the most ridiculous person he’s ever met. He can’t stop himself from grinning because seeing you trying to keep your laughter at bay-

“Yes. That.”

“But what if- what if it was Rossi instead of you seeing them? How would’ve your plan worked out then, huh?”, you wheeze, shaking from literal suppressed laughter and Spencer makes a sound like a dying horse.

“Rossi? Rossi?”

“Oh my god, imagine it would’ve been Hotch. He would’ve probably fired me so hard and then called me a week later to disappointed-dad-talk me to come back but to please, refrain from bringing personal files to work in the future.”

Spencer laughs. He’s still rock-hard underneath you, but he’s laughing because that’s what you always do. Being so absurd and silly that he’s shocked to laughter.

He adores you with every fibre of his being.

“What the fuck?”, you ask, incredulous but laughing yourself, “Is my misery amusing to you?”

And Spencer feels like being a little bit of a brat. “Very.”

You flick his nose. Grumble something like I’ll show you misery and then you move your hips against his and Spencer sees stars. Let’s out an embarrassingly high whine.

Ah well. It was still worth it.

“Don’t move”, you order, when you climb down from him to retrieve a condom. Spencer watches you, lets himself look at you. All the times he’s wondered how it would be, how it would feel like, being in this kind of situation with you. He’s never in a million years thought it would feel so familiar. Like you’ve done this before, so many times that it’s just become something normal between you two. He’s actually relaxed. So turned on it feels like he’s going to burst any second, but he’s calm. He feels comfortable, so much so that it doesn’t even matter that it’s the first time he’s doing this and he’s so clueless about all of this.

But he knows, if it’s with you, he never ever has to worry about anything.

“Do you have lube as well?”, you ask, rifling through his suitcase and distracting him from his sappy thoughts.

“Hmm. No, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, angel”, you say while returning to Spencer, and the nickname kind of switches something off again in his brain. Perfect. He’s never going to be able to be normal again about that word.

“We’ll have to get some, for next time. Always feels better with it.”

Spencer hasn’t really registered more than next time next time next time-

He’s pulled out of his daze of knowing your intentions of this not only being a one-off thing, when you straddle him again, a bit lower on his legs. Spencer moans, loud and high, when you grab him by the base and god, fuck, his skin is tingling with anticipation.

With your other hand, you grab the condom and then use your teeth to open the packet, and his cock jumps in your hand. How are you so hot. How does everything you do turn him on so much, what.

He watches you take out the plastic ring as if he’s watching from above, out of his body. He watches as you position the condom over his tip and then pull it down, down and Spencer’s brain must be lagging because he feels everything with at least a two second delay and shit, god, son of a-

“You ready, baby?”

He makes a noise between a sob and a whine. He’s losing his mind. “Please please please-“

“Fuck, Spencer”, you whine, lift yourself up a bit with your legs and then you are sinking down on him, inch by agonizing inch.

It’s so good, it’s so good, you are so warm, so hot, and Spencer can’t stop making noises until your hips are flush to his and he’s inside you.

You let out a loud, drawn-out moan above him. “Fuck, fuck, Spencer. You feel so fucking good, holy shit.”

He feels like he’s one move away from coming. God, oh god, it feels so incredible.

“Can I move? Spencer, please?”, your voice is wrecked, you’re flushed down to your navel, and you’re the best thing he’s ever seen.

“Please please please please”, it’s the only word he remembers how to pronounce.

“Fuck”, you almost sob, lifting yourself almost completely off him. You lower yourself back down again, one swift move, and you both moan.

You pick up the pace a little, fucking him with still languid but purposeful thrusts. Every time his cock sinks back into you, Spencer feels bits and pieces of his sanity crumbling away. He can’t think, can’t speak, his mind so fogged up and fuzzy he’s having troubles remembering who he is. He’s so completely at your mercy he’d let you do anything to him.

That turns him on a worryingly huge amount. List, something about a list somewhere.

“Oh, god, look at you. Spencer, baby, angel. You feel so good inside of me, so good.”

He keens, grabs at your strong thighs bracketing his slim hips. Arches up into you, closerclosercloser-

“You like being good for me, right angel?”, you ask, hips slowing down to a gentle grinding that absolutely drives Spencer insane and he’s too far gone to even nod, “It suits you. Being so wrecked for me, moaning and shaking. God, fuck, you’re divine, Spencer, fuck.”

The pressure behind his cock, low in his stomach, that’s been building all evening, all week, holy shit, it’s too much. Spencer feels delirious, feels your hotness around him, feels your hands pressing his chest down into the bed. He’s going to die it feels so good.

“You going to come for me, Spencer? You gonna be good for me and come inside of me?”

Please please please please- it’s all he can think, all he can feel, because because-

You give a particularly hard thrust and-

Spencer’s coming, moaning and moaning, shaking everywhere. He’s coming and it feels so good, so fucking good. He’s never come so hard in his life before.

He might have blacked out a little. The next time he’s aware of something, it’s you cleaning him with a wet washcloth. Slow, and gentle and Jesus.

“What?”, is the first thing he manages to say, and you snicker beside him. You caress his face, hand running through his hair, down his chest. Peck his lips. You’re both still naked.

“Feeling good?”, you ask and what kind of question even is that. You just fucked the soul from his body, and you ask him-

“I almost died”, he says, tagging your name at the end with an incredulous tint to it.

You snort, setting the washcloth on the nightstand behind you. You lie down close to him, cuddling into his side. “That was the plan.”

“Killing me with sex?”

“Yep. That’s for ogling my nudes without my permission, you creep.”

He says your name again, exasperated but so fucking fond it’s a miracle you’ve never noticed his pining before. You shrug, pull a ‘what can you do face’. Spencer rolls his eyes and then, unceremoniously, flops on top of you.

“Uffff”, you press out. “You’re smothering me, penguin.”

Spencer shrugs and copies the expression you just did. You bark out a laugh.

“Ha! Didn’t know post-sex Spencer is such a cheeky little shit. I’ve created a monster.”

He can’t entirely control his face, some parts of a smile slipping into his features. He does manage to poke out his tongue at you though, before he buries his face in your neck.

Some minutes tick by, you both enjoying the other’s presence and warmth and idleness, before something in his brain-

“Wait-“, Spencer splutters, pushing himself away from you so that he can look at you. “Did you- did you even finish?”

He’s kind of horrified. He was so focused on his pleasure- he- how did he forget? He doesn’t remember you coming and oh no, he’s such an asshole, who doesn’t make sure the other person has come as well and-

“Spencer, Spencer”, you shush him, fingers trailing along his back, and he shivers, eyes rolling back.

“I made myself come right after, don’t worry. You were kind of busy in your post-orgasm, pussy-drunk coma.”

Spencer flushes. “But I wanted to…”

You laugh softly. “You can do whatever to me, next time, sweets. This was about you. We’ll go on a date as soon as we’re back home. Fucking Florida is driving me nuts.”

Oh, he suddenly feels shy. A date? You want to go on a date with him?

“Really?”, he asks, and he hates how insecure he sounds.

You send him an unbelieving look. “Uh, what about the last hour makes you think otherwise? Seriously, Spencer, we need to work on your confidence.”

“Okay”, he mutters, a little bit pout-y and you scoff, pulling him down on top of your chest again.

There, with your hands painting patterns on his back and him completely lost in your warmth and familiarity, Spencer thinks that maybe, Florida isn’t that bad.

--

Bonus

“So, then. Made any scientific discoveries last night, pretty boy?”

Spencer chokes on his coffee.

“What?”

“Nothing”, his ‘friend’ says, smirking and leaning against his table, “You just seem to have figured out that little problem that’s been keeping that pretty head of yours all messed up.”

Spencer feels himself flush. Stupid body and stupid involuntary, physiological reactions. Morgan picks up on it, of course.

“Ohhhhh, want to share with the class what those discoveries were?”

Briefly, so very briefly, Spencer thinks of his self-compiled list but- no no no no.

“Shut up, Morgan.”

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

tags: @sebastiansstanswhore @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @wasitforrevenge @wannabewolf @tommorecommendedfics @winterhi09 @theoraekenslover @chaewondrful @okeyhoezayy @busy-buzzing @laurakirsten0502 @redros3y @trashxqueen @kitty-kei @so-long-daisymay @hayleythecannibal @jsnsnsnszjzj @reeidsluv @kayane28 @moonysreid @desperately-seeking-serotonin @munsonslunchbox @tul1p-mimi @anuttellaa @pinkgomie @elizabethmidnight2017 @evrmorets @cyanidebitsg @bangchansdog @pinterestwhore145 @some-one-yiu-dont-kno @emma-e-a

i hope these work lmao, also let me know if you wanna be on my eternal tag list for any future Spencer fic ;)

[indecisivemuch]

Look at me

Pairing: Luke Castellan x Reader

Summary: Being oblivious to Luke’s feelings, you tried to get over him by getting a boyfriend, who just does not know how to treat you right. Inspired by the song ‘Boyfriend’ by Dove Cameron ~ “I could be a better boyfriend than him.” (jealous luke, friends-to-lovers, fluff, angst, pining, happy ending.)

Warning: Just the boyfriend being an asshole and unwanted physical touch for a split second, but nothing serious. Sorry if your name is Cole. Violence (physical fighting)

Note: I’m sorry if there are a lot of errors, I haven’t had the chance to edit this thoroughly so if it feels like a train wreck, then I'm sorry. I just needed to write this out, get it out there, so I can go back to revising for my exams in peace lol, cause this plot/idea has been at the back of my head, I could not stop thinking about it or study properly. Lowkey hated how this one turned out, but whoops.

Word count: 4.8k

“People say that eyes are the windows to one's soul,” you once told him. You two have been best friends for a very long time: five years of being attached to the hip. Yet, you were completely oblivious to the way he looked at you. Even everybody at camp noticed and thought it was bound to happen. They were so sure that Luke and you would end up together. So imagine everybody’s surprise when something else occurred.

It happened right in front of Luke: Cole - a boy from Cabin 5 and son of Ares - asked you out, and you said yes.

It has been two months since that day. All Luke could do was sulk as he watched his best friend slip away. Of course, you still tried to spend as much time as possible with him. But even then, things have changed. There were no more of those content silences between the two of you. There were no more carefree laughs that made Luke feel like you two were the only ones that existed in this place. He used to walk you back to your cabin every night, hugging you good night or kissing your forehead close to your hairline if he felt brave enough. Moments like those convinced him you two would be like that forever. But his solace was taken in a split second. Now, you were so near, yet so out of reach. 

It didn’t help that he saw you every day, like right now, as you sat in the middle of a gathering hosted by your cabin. Gods, even the wind seems to be in love with you, judging by the way it was blowing through your hair as if it was trying to twirl itself around those lovely locks that Luke himself used to always tug behind your ears. The sight of you always bathed him in this warm feeling, like the morning sun. Hence his nickname for you: sunshine. 

Then his brown eyes landed on the figure next to you, and they hardened. He has witnessed it all: Cole’s backhanded compliments, ignoring you on your birthday, leaving you alone to talk to his friends, occasionally flirting back with girls who batted an eyelash at him, and then blatantly telling you that you were overthinking it. Luke knew he could treat you so much better. 

You were sitting with your boyfriend and his group of friends, who often gave you weird looks or snickers. Gods, if it was him you were with, he’d never make you feel excluded. He would have his arms around you and defend you if his friends ever made snarky remarks. Not that that would ever happen anyway; you were well-loved at camp, and all his friends loved you. But he would treat you well, nevertheless, not like that dumbass sitting next to you.

One of your favorite songs started playing, and Luke watched as you genuinely smiled for once tonight. You touched your boyfriend’s arm, muttering something to him. Luke knew exactly what you were saying to Cole because you and Luke used to do this together. Except, you never had to ask Luke. 

Whenever your favorite tunes were on, Luke would immediately pull you out of your seat and dance with you, laughing as if nothing mattered at all. Nights like those, he liked to imagine that the stars above envied them and what the two of you had. Now? He felt like one of them, watching from the outside. 

Luke’s jaw clenched as he saw Cole shrugging off your hand on his arm. Gods, Luke felt like that idiot was taking you for granted, and his blood boiled. Before Cole, Luke used to always orchestrated some excuse to have you touch him - getting injured on purpose sometimes just to watch you frantically panic over his wounds and take care of him, volunteering to help you out with swords training just to touch your hand and pretend to adjust the way you were holding it, hugging you every time he greeted you and so on.

For a second, your mask slipped, and you had that look on your face, like something had left you emotionally wounded. It was the kind of look Luke would kill to never see again, and oh, the things he would do to get rid of Cole. Luke had to wrestle with the thought of marching up to Cole and beating him to a pulp. However, he did stand up to approach you.

You felt a hand touch your shoulder. When you peered at the person standing, your eyes immediately glimmered as they caught Luke’s. However, something foreign was gleaming in his eyes. The Hermes boy has always looked at you sweetly. But the way he was looking at you right now was filled with something much more intense - borderline fervent, like an obsession. 

Cole finally glanced over at you for the first time the entire night. Unlike you, he instantly recognized the look in Luke’s eyes: hunger and longing. It was clear as day to everybody but you.

Luke extended his hand out for you to take and you understood right away. For the first time in two months, your hand touched his. Luke’s chest sunk and his breathing lost its usual rhythm for a second as your skin made contact with his. The Hermes boy finally looked over to Cole, and the Ares boy saw an immediate shift in his eyes. Now, they were filled with animosity and - the most obvious of all - heated jealousy. 

Luke led you away from Cole and started twirling you around. You let out a laugh - the kind that was infectious and has always brought a smile to Luke’s lips. You both sang along to the lyrics. For once, your relationship felt restored, just like the good old days. Was it wrong that this was the happiest you have felt since you got together with Cole? You shrugged away the thought as the song slowly ended. Luke settled with both hands on your waist while yours were around his neck. Usually, you would put your head on his chest as you both slightly swayed around. But now that you were in a relationship, you kept a bit of distance between the two of you. You gaze up at Luke, who was already staring at you sweetly. The moment was perfect. Gods, you almost wished to stay in it forever.

Meanwhile, Luke hoped he could convey his thoughts through his eyes - the unspoken words he wished he had told you sooner. Could you not see the infatuation coursing through his veins whenever he was with you? Could you not see that you got him at your beck and call? 

The look you gave him almost convinced him that you heard his thoughts. You leaned your head on his chest, caught off-guard by the speed of his heartbeat as it soothed you along with the music in the background. Feeling a heated look over his way, Luke glanced around and locked eyes with your boyfriend. Cole narrowed his eyes while Luke gave Cole a look of resentment and immense loathing. 

Gods, he could be a much better boyfriend than Cole.

“Hey, man,” when you heard your boyfriend’s voice, you lifted your head from Luke’s chest and withdrew your hands around his neck. “I’ll take over from here,” Cole practically pulled you away from Luke and started swaying with you. Instead of feeling happy that Cole finally danced with you after two months of dating, you felt wrong. Cole's hands were on your waist, but they felt sluggish like his heart was not in it at all. Your ear was against Cole’s chest, so you caught the sound of his heartbeat. It sounded…too calm, almost cold and shallow, causing you to twist your lips into a frown.

You glanced up at your boyfriend but saw him staring behind you instead. So you glanced back and caught a glimpse of Luke before getting pulled around by Cole, who roughly yanked your face towards him. He kissed you almost aggressively. There was something cynical and bitter about the way he was kissing you. 

Cole opened his eyes and conceitedly made eye contact with Luke. The Hermes boy glared at the sight of Cole handling you so roughly, claiming your lips so smugly. If it was him, he would be kissing you for you; he would be kissing you to show you how much he worshiped you and the ground you walk on, not to prove an empty point.

You finally managed to pull away when Cole let go of your chin. “All right, we’re done for the night, don’t you think?” your boyfriend muttered, quickly leaving you to return to his friends as if nothing had happened. Despite feeling slightly aggravated at Cole, you hated that you couldn't care less of his words at that moment, and the first thing you did was look in the direction Luke had been before. 

Yet, he was not there anymore.

~~~

Your cabin was not on the same side as Luke’s cabin for this match of capture the flag. You were fighting off some people who were on the blue team. Years of training with Luke paid off because you managed to point your sword at the person’s neck and grinned when they put their hands up in surrender. You continued perusing through the area, trying to regroup with your team or take down another blue team member. However, you almost tripped as you witnessed Cole on the ground with Luke on top of him, repeatedly punching his face..

“Luke!” you called out, watching as Luke’s action faltered, and his eyes darted around frantically around like a lost wild animal. However, Cole took advantage of Luke’s momentary distraction to land a hit on Luke’s face. The Ares boy got off the ground as Luke stumbled and went for another punch. However, Luke dodged it effortlessly and rammed Cole against a tree instead.

“Hey, knock it off,” you yelled, standing between the boys to stop their flight. Luke immediately backed off, afraid he would accidentally hurt you if he didn’t. But Cole, in the middle of his blind rage, still swung for Luke and ended up striking you across the face instead. Right when that happened, Luke pushed Cole again and rushed to your side to assess your injury. At that very moment, Chiron approached the scene with one of Cole’s friends next to him, who promptly told the man:

“It was him. Luke initiated the fight.” 

~~~

Luke wished for somebody to put him out of this misery as he stared at you from afar helplessly. He was so dotted that it hurt. Somebody must have answered his prayers because your eyes met his from across the field. There was a bit of sadness behind them, perhaps regret from how things ended yesterday. You whispered something to your boyfriend, but Cole did not even spare you a glance and waved his hand as if dismissing you from the discussion. Luke’s hand once again curled into a fist. He bit the inside of his cheek from the pain induced by his injury. The Hermes cabin counselor felt no bit of guilt in his body about his physical altercation with Cole. He felt smug at the sight of Cole with one black eye, busted lip, swollen cheek and a body sporting way more bruises than him. 

You deserved better. 

“Hey, stranger,” you greeted, sitting beside Luke. Almost immediately, he hooked one finger under your chin, tilting your head lightly as if he was afraid he might break you. The boy scanned over your injury, sighing at the sight of purple forming under your skin, indicating an emerging bruise. Even so, under the moonlight, you still looked heavenly to him.

“Devon said you initiated the fight. Is that true, Luke?” Luke frowned at the mention of Cole’s friend. Great, now he knew another idiot’s name. Meanwhile, you have asked this because you knew him. There was no way the boy you knew would lose control like this and swing his hands first. 

“No, but what’s the point of telling Chiron that? It’s two against one,” he breathed out.

“Luke, you’re literally the friendliest and nicest counselor here. Of course, he would believe you,” you reasoned. You sighed disappointingly as Luke only shook his head in response as if asking you to drop it.

Now, you two sat in silence. It felt the same as the comforting ones you have had with him before - the ones that made you feel like you were at home in front of your fireplace, curled up with a book. 

“Why are you with him?” and with that, the comfort evaporated as the air thickened. You and Luke rarely argued or even disagreed, so it felt like an unfamiliar territory every time it felt relatively tense between you two. 

“I know you, which is why I know that you’re absolutely miserable with him, so I don’t understand why you’re still with Cole,” Luke commented, though his voice was quiet because he was considerate of drawing this type of attention to you. He had seen it before - Cole causing public altercations and storming off and you running after him with tears emerging from your eyes. He did not want to put you in the same position.

“Y/N, please, as your best friend…” there it was again, the word that used to make you smile brightly, was now the same one that brought you pain. You wanted more. “...You deserve better,” he uttered, his eyebrows slightly scrunched as he looked at you with those eyes. There it was again, the look so intense that you were convinced they could swallow you whole. Yet, you could not interpret them. So, you looked away.

“Luke…” you said his name almost like a warning sign. The boy sighed at this. 

His fingers gently tilted your chin towards him, urging you to face him. There was so much contrast in the way he touches you and the way Cole does. You knew precisely why Luke wanted you to look at him: your eyes were your tell for him. Years ago, after you told him that eyes were the windows to one's soul, he told you that he knew this already because he had learned that your eyes will always tell the truth for you. That’s how, in so many instances, he would be the first to notice whenever you're upset. 

“Y/N, does he make you happy?” you stiffened at the question. Words choked up in your throat as your mouth opened to answer. You wanted to say yes so you both could get over this conversation. But you knew he would be able to tell you were lying. The way he looked at you right now, as if you were the only thing that mattered. He seemed so vulnerable. Little did you right at this moment, Luke was willing to surrender and let you go if you said yes.

“Oh, this is who you left me to talk to?” Cole's voice broke you both out of the trance. “The person who beat your boyfriend?” Cole passive-aggressively spat, sneering from above as he looked down at the two of you. You called out to your boyfriend, but he quickly cut you off with a quick “Unbelievable,” before walking away. But Cole did this on purpose. He liked the attention he drew, even if they were at your expense, especially because he knew you would chase after him.

“I’m so sorry,” you muttered to Luke on your boyfriend's behalf as you stood up to run after him. Luke frowned as he shook his head. If you were his, he would never allow you to apologize on his behalf, nor would he give a reason for you to ever do that.

“Uhm, what are you waiting for?” Annabeth’s voice broke Luke from his irritated state. “Go after her,” the young girl nudged.

“I doubt I should do that, Annabeth. Last time I was with him, he ended up in the infirmary.”

“Yes, but you need to go after her before it’s too late.”

“It’s already too late.”

“No, it’s not,” the girl stated sternly, and when Luke peered over at her, he recognized the look on her face. From experience, he knew better than to doubt when Annabeth was right. So, he stood up and walked in the direction where you disappeared after your boyfriend.

“Stop it, Cole. I don’t want to…” Your voice grabbed Luke’s attention as he started walking in that direction, eyebrows furrowed.

“Come on, this is the least you could do to make it up to me,” Cole replied. 

When Luke reached the scene, he almost went into an uncontrollable wrath when he saw Cole trying to take off your shirt as you objected and struggled out of his grip. 

“I said ‘let go,’ Cole,” you yelled this time, pushing him back. Upon finally doing so successfully, a figure stormed past you and immediately flung at Cole’s cheek, right at the spot that was already bruising. The impact knocked Cole to the ground as he wailed from the pain. Averting your gaze to the person, you saw Luke. Like a deranged bull, Luke grabbed Cole by the collar and lifted him up, going in for another hit, but you quickly stopped him, calling out his name.

Cole, who did not learn his lesson, spoke again, “Gods, of course! He runs to your aid again. You must be a good fuck for him to get this attached. How many times have you fucked him, huh? Gods, you’re such a whore, you know that?” If it were not for your hands stopping Luke and removing his grip from Cole’ shirt, Luke would have ensured Cole no longer had a face. 

“Cole, stay the fuck away from me. We are over.” Your words seemed to affect Luke more than Cole. It was as if Luke could feel an immense weight being lifted from his shoulders. “Let’s go, this is not worth it,” you told Luke. Cole barked a laugh at this.

“Man, you’re more trouble than it's worth. Do you know why no guys ever asked you out? You’re fucking difficult and clingy, that’s why. If it was not for that fucking bet, I would not have either.” Luke was about to launch at Cole but was caught off guard because you had already done it yourself. You punched him, aiming for his nose and teeth, making sure to break a few.

“You fucking bitch!” Cole spoke after he howled in agony. He spat out blood as his nose started bleeding, “Gods, you’re gonna pay for this.”

“Oh yeah? Come on!” you challenged him, motioning him to come over. Any sense of calm or restraint you had was long gone. “I’ll be the one sending you to the fucking infirmary this time,” right when you started approaching Cole again, you were quickly stopped by Luke. He stood behind you, one of his hands soothingly rubbing your back in an attempt to calm you down. Luke averted his gaze to Cole.

“If you know any better, then leave, Cole. And don’t come near any of us again, or I promise you…” Luke trailed off, shaking his head as his eyes bore the weight of the promise he left unsaid, leaving it to Cole’s imagination as to what Luke would ever do to him if he ever saw the boy again. Something seemed to dawn on Cole as he saw the dark look on Luke’s face. Cole finally decided to leave the scene, limping away from the area as he muttered some insults under his breath.

You turned around and inspected Luke’s hand, which started bleeding again through the bandage. Taking his non-injured hand in yours, you wordlessly dragged the boy to the infirmary. Despite the excruciating pain spreading through his injured hand, Luke blushed at your action and followed you like a lost puppy.

The Apollo person on shift was someone you knew, so you managed to convince them to let you do the work on the Hermes boy. You observed his hand again, peeling off the dirty bandage from it. As you went to grab disinfectant, Luke softly held you back by flipped over his hand that was in yours so that he could take a look at your hand instead.

“Are you okay?” His words made you swiftly look over at him instead. There was a sad look on his face as he sat on the infirmary bed. You haven’t seen him this hurt and dejected in a long time.

“Am I okay? You’re the one with the bleeding hand.”

“You punched him quite hard.”

“He deserved it,” you settled on answering, hesitantly pulling your hand out of his so you could grab the things you needed. 

“You know I had that handled, right?” you asked mindlessly, trying to fill the silence as you disinfected his hand and wrapped a new bandage over it. “I don’t need you to defend my honor or anything, Luke. I can hold my own ground,” you tried joking.

“No, I know you can hold your own ground. Besides, I wasn’t defending your honor,” he spoke softly, watching as you delicately held his hand with so much care. He wished you could hold him like that as well. A quivering sigh escaped his soft lips, his voice much less firm than he wanted it to be: 

“I was defending the girl I’m in love with.”

You immediately looked at him, only to see him already gazing up at you. It was as if a blindfold had been taken off, you finally understood what your other friends were referring to when they said that Luke had always “looked” at you. His eyes were filled with adoration. However, this time, they were also decorated with pain.

“I could be a better boyfriend than him,” he stated, almost like it was a fact, and your gut knew it was true, too. 

“So….Why not me? I watched you give Cole - a complete asshole - a chance with you. I watched him give you so much less than what you deserve. It pains me, but I still sit here and wait for you to look in my direction for even one second in the way I have always looked at you. I could be so good to you, Y/N. I waited for you to realize I could be the one who loves you so endlessly and treats you way better than all these guys combined. So…why? Please tell me why and put me out of my misery. Why is it not me?”

“Luke…” you rasped out his name. Despite the pain he was in, his heart could not help but throb for a second as it yearned for the sound of your voice calling out to him again. He almost scowled at himself for the way he was reacting to you. Gods, you managed to unravel him through the sound of his name from your lips. He hesitated for a second, wondering if he would even be able to take it at all - if he was given a chance with you. Would he be able to handle the way your skin felt against his, or would his heart burst into unstoppable flames? Would he ever be able to move on if you ended up breaking his heart, or would it remain in scattered pieces of you?

“I love you,” he uttered so effortlessly, which almost convinced you he had said it a thousand times before. In a way, he did, but only in his mind after every time he bid you goodnight. Gods, never did you think he’d say it out loud and put it out there. You almost said it before as well - out loud to the universe, but never brave enough.

“Luke, I never knew,” Luke wanted to sigh as he looked away from you. For the first time ever, he did not want to be vulnerable and let you see his eyes. The same ones that had been looking longingly at you for the past five years, and you were too blinded to see.

He could have sworn that he had been laying it on thick for the past years - all the touches, the looks, his actions. Luke would always linger near you and select you first every time he had to go on a quest. And if he ever were selected to go on one without you, the first thing he would do after returning is wrap his arms around your waist as he pulled you into a hug, breathing in your presence like it would bring him back to life from the gruesome battles he had to go through while out of camp. Did all those actions throughout five years not show you enough that he was infatuated with you? He wanted to reassure you that what Cole said previously was not true. Many guys wanted you but never asked you out because they knew he would be first in line no matter what. 

"Luke, please, look at me," Of course he obeyed. His eyes met yours - the ones he always tried to find in a crowd of demigods.

“I never knew that you were an option. I did not know that I could choose you. I thought that even attempting to tell you about my feelings would break our friendship forever. I didn’t know you felt this way, too. In fact,” you dryly chuckled. “I was giving Cole a chance because I was trying to move on from you.” Luke tugged you closer to him, his fingers lingering on your hips. Thousands of thoughts speared through him as he tried to collect himself. A glimmer of hope presented itself as his mind toyed with the idea of you wanting him too.There was no way he was letting you move on now, not when you both have mutual feelings. 

“I thought I was deep in the friend zone. Did you not see all the moves I pulled on you?” he asked.

“What moves?”

“Uhm—the physical contact?”

“I thought you were just touchy.”

“I walked you back to your cabin every night!”

“Well, I thought it was just a best friend thing?”

“The first thing I do after every quest is search for you, you’re always the first one I want to see.”

“I really, really thought it was because you were my best friend.” He groaned at all of your responses.

“But do know, Luke. You have always been my first option in everything. And I would have chosen you again and again, the first pick every round…if I knew you were up for it.” He groaned again, but this time out of temptation and satisfaction. He didn’t think the metaphorical butterflies were real. He slowly but surely stood up from the infirmary’s bed and wrapped his arms around your waist. You reciprocated, your hands around his neck. He leaned closer to you and gulped. He wanted to say the right words, do the right things and not mess this up. He took a deep breath and finally settled on what to say next.

“Can I kiss you?” He muttered in a low, raspy voice with a restrained manner, as if he was holding himself back. Five years of pining led him to this point. You almost melted at the sound of his voice.

“Kiss me, Luke.”

And he did. He pulled you up and arched down, connecting your lips together. He dove in as if he had been waiting for this day his whole life. He felt every breath knocked out of his lungs. He sunk himself into this moment like he was living for it rather than in it. He kissed you as if it was the only time he could and as if you would evaporate if he stopped. His hands moved to your face to embrace your cheeks in his palm.

You started moving your hands up his head and played with his curly hair. You tugged it slightly, and the action drew a moan from Luke. The sound caused you to break away. It made you flustered that you had evoked such an alluring sound from the Hermes boy. 

“I wanna go slow for you, I really do. But it feels like I’ve been waiting for so long. I want to be a gentleman and not skip steps. But I can’t wait anymore,” he whispered before whimpering against your lips, “please be mine.”

He went in for another kiss again, but you pulled away. His heart clenched at this. The boy bit his lip and wanted to scowl at himself for attempting to speed things up. He was too greedy and wanted things too quickly for you. He almost whined at the thought of losing the chance he barely had.

“That was not a question, Luke. Ask me, and I’ll give you an answer,” he stared into your eyes, and it almost set him on fire. He never saw that much passion in them before. It almost matched his, and that made his heart fasten again.

“Will you be mine, sunshine?”

“Yes, Luke. As long as you’re mine too.”

“I have always been yours.”

——————————

masterlist

Join my Luke Castellan tag list

[cloudninetonine]

Reading the crossover stuff you've written for linked universe is rotting my head so much that it got me back into writing!!! (which is honestly a miracle I haven't written anything for myself in ages)

but like. I'm imagining a player's aid! insert who's also a big fan of Sky: Children of the Light (great game btw very fun with friends I recommend hehe)

and one day they just. find a random sky child????? In Hyrule??? so obviously since the sky child is all on their own where they really shouldn't be, mc just. adopts a kid. they can't really communicate well, if at all, except through very very exaggerated body language and gestures (emotes in the game is a common way to talk with strangers. or spam honking to get someone's attention. imagine the noise.) but eventually the player and the sky child become so close that they can just share looks or read each others body language and just know!

Wind has a new sibling now who is very happy to mess around and help play pranks on the others. The sky child wouldnt be afraid of Wolfie because they dont really have much reference for dangerous creatures except for the krill/dark dragons and Wolfie is too cute and small to scare them! Sky would probably really like them too because they can fly and they could be a really musically inclined sky child and be able to play different instruments! Like the harp in-game!! one of the links might find out about the child's arsonist related needs and be concerned, but the mc insists that the child is fine! Don't worry at all, Hyrule. They genuinely won't get any burns from standing directly on top of the campfire! they aren't a normal hylian child, they actually kinda need fire to stay alive and rain isn't good for them, it puts out their light. now I'm imagining angst with rain oh no-

the sky child (who would probably be a veteran who's been around a long time and was probably exploring out of bounds areas and somehow managed to get to Hyrule. whoops) is kinda confused but up for exploring this vast realm and find mc and they just. adopt this weird not-a-spirit-yet person who kind of has light too? so maybe a moth? (affectionate term for new players gicitdkgdigditdoyd)

and when the sky child first meets the chain, they are probably just freaking out over their clothes lol. cosmetics and basically dress up is a very big part of the game and the sky child would not be above begging to get their hands on their own really pretty blue scarf, black pelt, cool looking armour, etc etc.

So the sky child is super caring and protective over mc. they would probably bite legend at some point lmao. they can just sense the bad vibes from him! They don't really understand it, but legend doesn't like their moth, and obviously they won't stand for any slander so they bite :D (even if there could be a communication barrier because they can't speak the language, only HÖNK)

side note, I'm actually writing a crossover fic for linked universe and Sky:COTL. can you tell that i've been losing my mind over them??

Shameless plug in to my amazing friend @sketchyspook who has their very own Sky Linksona that y'all should check out!!

God I haven't played Sky in so long PIUFGP

Now back to the ask

I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH IT'S SO CUTE- Player adopts a little child is one of my favourite genres honestly. LET THEM BE A PARENT!!! Running around and trying to take care of their kids they're gonna be in aches and pains at the end of it all PIUGFPI

ALSO THE SKY CHILD BITING LEGEND I'M LAUGHING- REFUSING TO LET GO AND BEING SWUNG ABOUT AS PLAYER WATCHES WITH A SMIRK

Very happy after it all, sitting on Player's lap while Legend glares across the camp and they honk happily

[everybodyknows-everybodydies]

20 questions for writers

tagged by @pia-writes-things - thank you! :D

(under the cut to save your dash)

How many works do you have on AO3?

64 at the moment!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

145,151 in eleven years... same as with drawing I don't post 90% of what I do lol whoops

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently TES has been getting the gears going the most, but ER is my perennial love - and once in a blue moon I am compelled to do something TLU! SM is still very dear to my heart but I've been pretty dry on fic inspiration/drive for it for a while now :(

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

these are ALL OLDER PIECES haha so don't look too closely: it still burns - fluffy OPM piece for Knight c: what else can I say! too cold for you here and now - fluffy little Makoami piece (are you sensing a pattern already...) featuring terrible puns, because I have always loved characters trying to make each other laugh you do it for her (that is to say you do it for him) - another one written for Knight; OPM/SM crossover. with TWO chapters! left, left, left right left - introspective Romano piece re: arm. I actually now disagree with some character choices I made in this one so seeing it still getting attention has me like no... this doesn't represent me... Across the Western Ocean I Must Wander - Makoami pirate AU. also not a oneshot! (shock!) I don't think it holds up as well as I'd like, but the premise still compels me and there's some cute moments :'D still VIVIDLY remember being up late on a class night listening to one song on repeat while working on The Kissing Scene™

5. Do you respond to comments?

almost always! it may take me a bit sometimes, but I do try to make sure I do

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

frankly idek - being completely honest, "angst" just as a word at this point turns me off so immediately and so hard that I can't engage with the concept that way. I prefer endings with some hope, but I like some emotional complexity too! all my baggage about fandom and "angst" is for. ANOTHER TIME

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

again I'm not totally sure how to answer this one! I guess Ocean? doesn't get much more stereotypically happily-ever-after than "and then they ran away together the end"

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, thankfully! I've gotten the occasional comment here and there that make me go "??" but more just sort of confusing, not malicious as far as I can tell lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

sdlkghlsj sex-repulsed asexual here and not for the first time I say: I am reasonably confident nobody wants me doing that. it can happen but offscreen to spare me the inevitable mortification... fade-to-black is about as far as we go in the House Of Mouse sorry!!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have before! it's not my preferred stomping grounds but I like a good one. I don't know about "craziest" but wouldn't do us any harm I think is probably the funniest of the handful I've shared (again: written primarily for Knight! warning that it is from 2016 LOL)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

also not to my knowledge!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

yes! baby Mouse ran a fic awards "show" (in the written medium obviously) with a friend back in like 2010 or 2011 on FFN... it was loads of fun!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

just one?? if I have to choose then: Lizzie & the Bald Boys... my little driftwood raft that I've finally convinced a handful of other people aboard c':

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Makoami Princess and the Goblin AU :( still means a lot to me but SM just hasn't been where I've been drawn to write for a while!

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue + characterization is most often what I get compliments on (<3) - I'd like to think I have a fairly decent hand for little meaningful details too, but I think these more often than not end up just being for my own benefit because I like my symbolism subtle aha

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

LONGFORM... plugging together things into ordered chapters and maintaining momentum over longer spaces is my greatest struggle. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm much more a sprinter than a marathon runner, and it's been very freeing letting myself step outside of needing all the surrounding context to just do things as I come to them and then getting to string it all into chronology via series ordering

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

done well I find it really impressive! it's very hard to do well though ahaha.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

without the context of "fandom", the first story I ever wrote was about the Boxcar Children hanging out with me at age 6 (the entirety of chapter three was all of us singing the alphabet together and it was narratively crucial that this happen. for some reason.). with the context of knowing about fandom though, Scooby Doo at 11-12!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

of what's posted: Ocean has a lot of personal meaning because it was the first multichapter piece I was able to finish in several years, but on a technical level I've been really proud of some of the more layered pieces I've been practicing in the last year or so: Thermal Equilibrium and skipping stones I think are good examples of that :')

tagging: @knightnightwrite (I AM GOING TO GET YOU TO DO ONE OF THESE SOMEDAY <3 <3 <3), @wispstalk, @ehlnofay, @wonderofasunrise, and anyone else who wants to do it!! as always no obligation if you've been tagged and don't want to! except for Knight. beloved I am knocking on your door come PLAY WITH ME

[webbo0]

1, 10, 11, 20!

Thanks for asking, I usually don't get prompted for these kinds of posts!!

✨ love your fandom asks ✨ 

1. List 3 positive things about your current fandom(s

I love how inclusive and non-toxic the Goose fandom is, and I've met some absolutely wonderful people that I can now call friends because of it!!

Other fandoms: The Dr Who and Good Omena fandoms are wholesome as can be (and most of my other smaller fandoms are usually pretty chill)

10. A blog (mutual or one you follow) that has made your fandom experience brighter

Adding a few because you're all so goddamn cool, but @sandpapersnowman @drivinmeinsane @hollandstrophyhusband @papershipghosts and basically the entire goosecord lol

Special shout-out to sandpapersnowman for catapulting me into madness with all things Ryan and creating our insane beautiful space to be weird together!

11. If you're a writer or artist, what fic or piece of art are you proud of making?

Oooh, I'm a new writer but I'm really proud of anything I've actually managed to write including "*Cowboy voice* “I Ain’t Quitting You”", "What happens if i don't like it? It's only-", and my yet to be published self-indulgent Jewish Henry angst fic (it's kinda hard to fully understand if you don't know Hebrew/Judaism but lmk if y'all want to see it 👀)

Art wise, the realistic Luke drawing was really fun to do too!

20. Your very first fandom!

Going all the way back? I was a huge Potterhead (whoops lol) as well as Percy Jackson, but it was Dr. Who that got me to join Tumblr in the first place so that will always have a special place in my heart

Thank you again for the ask!

[earmo-imni]

okay but you having a you that goes on continuous adventures throughout the Favorite Fictional Worlds is AWESOME. That sounds like a blast. I am never in any of my daydreams. I'm not about to inflict situations upon myself lol. I DO however badly voice act a line I'm making my characters say until the emotion is right. Much to the horror of everyone else who lives with me, I'm sure. I write a TON of dialogue and the thought that the readers don't understand the exact voice I want the character to say things in... and that I barely comprehend that voice myself... brutal. Don't make me voice act my own characters I swear to god. It's just everyone talking in different flavors of my voice in there.

Yeah, it's unbelievable how much mileage I've also gotten about Seven Deadly Sins as compared to the other fandoms I've been in. Sometimes I just don't want to pluck the characters out of the canon and put them in my head, because I feel like that would disturb the beautiful creation, so I don't daydream about those fandoms at all. I basically have like three main universes, the longest of which I've had and have been working on regularly since the fourth grade. VERY interesting story to go along with that one, but it's the kind that you CANNOT tell unprompted, so I'm waiting for an appropriate time to entertain the Internet Strangers with my strange childhood book experience.

Anyway! Happy to be following you now, I'll have a blast looking around at your blog :D

You are so freaking nice, thank you!

I inflict SO many situations on myself, partly because a lot of the time I find it easier to roleplay myself-but-slightly-to-the-left than to roleplay one of my ocs, but also because I legitimately enjoy my big crazy universe and also it’s just fun to be like “Yeah, I’m best friends with Meliodas and a member of Fairy Tail and a companion of the Doctor and also grown up Gamzee’s my moirail now cause I saved him from going brainwashed-and-crazy and also I fixed the MCU! It doesn’t suck anymore! The plot holes are gone!” It’s just fix-it fics and self-indulgent “girl fell into Middle-earth” style fics all day long. Unfortunately for alternate me I very much enjoy whump and angst and hurt/comfort so alternate me goes through. So much. Luckily alternate me is immortal due to shenanigans (the same way as Meliodas, essentially, except the resurrection time is way faster and also there’s no losing emotions), so they can survive everything. Unluckily this means I can kill them as many times as I want. Angst! 😃

(Meliodas may have had to essentially shake me by the shoulders and go “I know you want to help me and I appreciate it but I would like to not have to watch you die for me repeatedly because I see you as a friend and it hurts to watch you die regardless of whether you come back or not” whoops)

I also voice act all my characters (I actually find it significantly easier to keep track of my story if I speak it out loud) and boy howdy is it awkward when a family member comes down the stairs or I’m out on a late-night walk and suddenly realize Oh! There’s a person there! Hearing everything I say! And I sound insane!

And saaaaaaame with the problem of everyone speaking in different flavors of my voice!!! There’s a few characters that I have a pretty good grasp of their voice, and some that have very distinct ways of talking (Gamzee my beloved. Also literally everyone from Middle-earth) that make it easier to do them. But yeah, I FELT that.

I don’t usually write stuff down, I just let it exist in my head and hope I remember it next time I feel like playing in the sandbox. My au that you found is only like. The second thing I’ve actually tried to write down as a coherent narrative since my first attempts at fanfic when I was 15 (the other thing being my Tolkien OC Mavwin’s story. It is. Not even a full first draft. Oh boy.). I have a bunch of notes for a rewrite of an old fixit fic for a musical I like, and a bunch of notes on some Harry Potter OCs and significantly less notes on a Fairy Tail OC. Also a largely-unused sideblog for my multiverse-travelling daydream. (Don’t look yet, it needs some rewriting and a whole lot of updating.)

I am very curious about this world you can’t speak of unprompted, so consider this your prompt lol. I promise it can’t be any worse than what I’ve read/come up with/listened to my best friend explain about their OCs (I swear she’s worse than I am about giving her characters trauma 😂)

[sorikkung]

person who signed off as "sho" on the wgoin questionnaire i am holding you gently in my hands like this

i have no idea if you're from here or from ao3 but i hope youre from here so you can see this. that response meant everything to me. also i would just like to address and talk abt some of the things you mentioned so i'll put it under a readmore cause i ramble a lot but like wherever u are i appreciate u immensely and ily <3

i loved your brief elaboration back their when Chan called their scars pretty and i would totally love to see more moments of tenderness like this in the middle of an intense fuck session. like just imagine Eric taking his frustrations out on mc after everything that happened in ch 5 but he just holds MC's hands halfway through??? Can we please talk about that?????

[furiously scribbling notes on a napkin] tenderness during intense fuck session, GOT IT! DFKJKJHFD no but like i definitely have more of that planned, don't you worry. chan's is very deliberate to his character though, while eric... well. he's a lot more directly frustrating LOLOLOL not that he wouldn't hold mc's hands during an intense scene, but more that he is a capricorn and he is Extremely Petty and given the nature of what he's frustrated about currently, i hate to say that he won't be taking out his aggression on mc. 😔 that would be pretty hot though. but porn definitely takes the longest for me to write and i already have sooo much of it planned SKJDFHKSDF

the whole chan, mc, felix, Eric dynamic is intense and honestly i just need em to pile upon each other and fuck already.

you are so fucking real for this. SDFHKJSDKFHKSDF you're right they absolutely just need to fuck it all out theres a lot of pent up emotion there... but well, if the prism was any indicator, it seems that only tends to pile up even more emotions than release any, but yknow. mc in particular is really good at deluding himself. LMAO

i fucking loved the prism scene and your descriptions for the dances (as a dancer, i approve but please don't let my teacher know I'm reading this fic)

oh WOW okay i am very much Not a dancer so this one came as a surprise LMAOO i got two left feet but i can Dream </3 glad it sounds like i know what im talking about tho! LOL ur secret is safe with me <3

honestly i am fucking high everytime you have some angst cooking up with the background of other characters but mc especially. like i would love to see a lot more coming from there and maybe when the whole thing unravels he's just rlly frustrated because he just wanted to be cocky boi androgynous whore and everyone's looking at them as sad boi androgynous whore???? idk bro.

this has me rolling bc you absolutely understand the very basis of this mc. SDFKHJKSJDF tfw you want to be cocky boi androgynous whore and only end up seeming like sad boi androgynous whore 😔😔😔 there's definitely a lot more angst cooking, everything we've seen so far has been set up for it and it just keeps on building. after all, you don't get such... colourful characters like the mc and their band without a healthy helping of trauma and internalised issues. they aren't called the runaways for nothing! i will admit the angst even does get rather dark much later down the line, so here's a warning in advance for that, but like usual the warnings section will include anything that could be potentially triggering. unless you came from ao3 in which... whoops. maybe i should put individual chapter tags in the notes.

lonngggg as long as daddy eric- again, no pressure on you but i would appreciate longer chapters even if they take more time to release:)

SDFJHSDKFHDS LONG AS DADDY ERIC IM HOLLERING. i mean so far the implication in all of the mentions within wgoin is that mingi is fucking huge and the biggest mc has taken but like, i respect this LMAO anyway it seems like longer chapters is the general consensus altho i really do wonder when most people started reading this fic when they say that bc theres been 6 month waits in between some chapters and i wonder if youd still choose longer chapters over shorter ones if they took that long. LMAO. i tend to run long anyway but im tryna chop them up into smaller pieces so i can update more than like, twice a year, which seems to be working so far, but good to know if theres another chapter 1 moment where i do feel like it all needs to be in one chapter, i can just keep the ball rolling that long.

Ok i rlly think your writing style is not only very unique but rlly suitable for the type of fic you're going for so i would not suggest any changes there. be as fucking cocky as you want with the plot and writing.

this is actually so nice to hear im so 😭🥺💘😳💞 like i don't have words to express how that's one of the nicest compliments ive ever received, thank you so much. i'm always very aware that my writing comes off very differently from most of what i read and sometimes it frustrates me but for someone to call it unique and frame it in such a positive light is so heartwarming 🥺

overall thank you for taking the time to answer these questions for me and with such enthusiasm this is really the kind of thing that keeps me writing each chapter 😭😭💞 i'm very very touched and happy that you're enjoying the ride <3

[twiilys]

Tagged by @luckylolabug ❤️

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

As of now 19, though 1 of that is a translation (Remember the Spring, by the extraordinary @themarydragon) and 1 is a collaborative work with 9 other lovely writers :)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 129,476 (same comment as above)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I go through phases in what I read and write, so it depends on what the mood is currently. I'm working on a Anne with an E/Anne of Green Gables one now, but my WIP folder (or rather, my collection of drafts/ideas/5 words scribbled on a notebook) has Lockwood & Co., Fire Emblem Three Houses, Julie and the Phantoms, Zelda Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom, and Harry Potter.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The (Not So) Subtle Art of Secret-Keeping - AWAE

what lies ahead - AWAE

of late nights and early mornings - AWAE

thou and i are too wise to woo peaceably - AWAE

Time to Learn - FE3H (whoop whoop!!)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I love receiving comments. Short, long, emojis, questions, anything!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I won't say I don't like writing angst, bc I do like a sprinkle of angst to deepen the fluff flavour (especially in longer fics). But I don't think I'll ever write a full-on angsty ending. I read and write for escapism, it would betray the purpose for me.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

It's between "what lies ahead" (AWAE, kinda S3 fix-it with Anne and Gilbert getting together) and "shadow play" (Lockwood & Co Locklyle newly-weds), I guess.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, I'm glad I haven't so far! I did get into a spirited debate in the comments of one, but it was less ad hominem than it was about interpretation of the source material. That's alright with me :)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not yet. I'm more of the 'fade to black' type, mostly bc I'm still embarrassed I guess. It's not out of question though.

10. Do you write crossovers?

My current WIP is a "blorbos from my show in the setting of another piece of media", which is the closest I'll come to crossover I think.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so! Hope it stays that way!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. I've toyed with the idea of translating my own fic in French (my native language) but at this point I'm better at creative writing in English lol and I can never go back to French formatting for dialogues

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! "The (Not So) Subtle Art of Secret-Keeping" was a collaborative work, each of us writing 1 chapter. I got a lot of input that way and it made my part all the better! It was a really good experience.

14. What is your all-time favorite ship?

Don't ask me that, I can't choose 😭

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I mean, I have an UFO* folder, so... they're nice to think about 🥹

*Unfinished Objects & Projects (it comes from fabric crafts originally but I use it for fics that fall under that question exactly haha)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Someone said it was atmosphere once, but I like to think I'm good with sentence pacing/rhythm. I want to write stuff that sounds good out loud too.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Consistency? I get off the writing wagon very easily and I have to remind myself I like writing lol otherwise my WIPs get abandoned. It's not even writer's block, I just sometimes forget that opening a document and write makes me happy.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I do it with French sometimes, when I can justify it (e.g. Jerry in AWAE is a French speaker, so I do slip in bits of French). I like writers who incorporate aspects of their characters like that, but unfortunately Google translations are... what they are. On that note, please ask me for French help if need be, I'd be thrilled!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Fire Emblem Three Houses! I wrote before but I wasn't really part of a fandom.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Am I allowed to say my current WIP? It's extremely self-indulgent and also the longest thing I've ever written. Can't wait to share it!

Tagging you who wants to babble about their work :) (yes, you specifically. do the thing!)

[bubblesuga]

Oblivious To Adoration - 3

Summary: After an intense night of drunken sex, Jungkook realizes he wants more. When he suggests an idea to you, you were shocked. However, who were you to say no to Mr. Jeon Jungkook?

W/C: 2,394

Prev Part - Next Part

Warnings: angst, mature language, mentions of sex

Panic coursed through your veins while you quickly climbed off of Jungkook’s lap. You were furious, more at yourself than anyone else because you let yourself get caught up in Jungkook without realizing just how public this parking lot was. 

“(Y/N), I-” Jungkook starts, watching while you struggle to clean yourself up as best as you could in the small space of the passenger seat. 

“What the fuck was Namjoon even doing here?” You yell out to no one in particular, crossing your legs and resting your head in your hands. Jungkook carefully zips his pants back up, reaching forward to put a hand on your knee. However, you were quick to move away from him. The last thing you wanted was to be touched right now. 

“I know he moved into his own place a few weeks ago. I didn’t know it was here,” Jungkook sighs, swallowing the hurt as he sees you curl your legs to your chest, “I- I’ll talk to him.” 

“What good is that gonna do? He already saw us fucking. God damn it this was exactly what I was afraid of.” You speak the last bit quietly, feeling frustration fuel your words. 

You already could tell what people’s opinions were going to be when you started this arrangement so that’s why you pushed so hard to keep it a secret. You could already sense the judgement radiating off of Namjoon. What would he think of a girl who’s using her best friend for her own personal pleasure?

“Baby...” Jungkook whispers, “it’ll be okay.” He was careful to keep his hands to himself, watching you warily. 

“No you don’t get it, Jungkook,” you speak softly, pushing a hand through your hair while you tried desperately not to let the frustration build into tears, “I’m already the only female in a group of friends. I already get comments thrown my way about how I ‘probably already fucked half of them’. I didn’t want- I don’t want people to think badly of me.” 

Jungkook takes a deep breath of understanding. That had never been a concern of his, about having other people speak badly of him. He remembers Jimin praising him when he found out Jungkook finally had the balls to ask you.

He gnaws at his lip, “You can’t let other people’s opinions stray you away from what you want to do.” 

“Easy for you to say,” you laugh bitterly, “you don’t get called a whore for having friends that are girls.” 

“You’re right, I don’t. But do you really think Namjoon would think any less of you because you and I are having sex?” Jungkook questions, turning towards you in the car. You loosen your posture, pondering over the question. 

“I don’t know.” 

“Yes you do, no one is going to think any less of you just like they won’t think any less of me. Fuck everybody else, the only people whose opinions matter are yours and the people you love.” Jungkook was upset now. The fact that you thought so highly of other people’s opinions was news to him, he didn’t think that you’d ever have to worry about what other people would say. 

You look over to Jungkook, feeling your anxiety ease slightly, “When did you get so poetic, Kookie?” You reached over and ran your fingers through his hair, seeing his eyes flutter at the contact. 

He gives you a sad smile, leaning into your touch, “I just want to make sure you’re okay.” 

“I’m okay, thank you.” You whisper, leaning forward and giving him a kiss. You hesitated before making contact, but decided you needed it. He smiles into the kiss, a soft and delicate peck that was much different to your previous kisses, but it felt right. 

As you pull away you open your eyes to see Jungkook’s eyes still shut, his lips still puckered. Slowly, he opens his eyes and watches you carefully. You nod, “I’ll see you soon, yeah?” 

“Do you want me to walk you inside?” 

“I’ll be good. Text me when you want to hang.” You nod, patting Jungkook’s thigh while you open his door. Giving him a pat on his thigh, you climb out of the car and quickly walk towards your building. Hearing Jungkook’s engine roar to life, you turn back and wave to him as he drives away. 

As soon as you see him turn the counter, you pull out your phone and call Namjoon. 

He answers quickly, “Hey (Y/N), what’s up?” 

“Where’s your apartment?” You speak quickly, looping your bag haphazardly over your shoulders while you walk through the breezeway of your building. Namjoon chuckles on the other end, his cocky persona evident in just his laugh. You resist the urge to glare at your phone, waiting somewhat impatiently for the answer. 

“What? You and Jungkookie looking for a third party?” 

“Namjoon.” 

“Alright, Jesus,” you had a certain tone you’d use on him when he was being particularly difficult, “Building 3, Apartment 208.” 

As fast as you could, your feet carried you through the apartment complex until you reached building three. Rushing up the stairs, you ball your fist and begin to pound on the door. It takes way too long for your patience and you open his door, letting yourself in. 

“Namjoon, come to your living room!” You call out, crossing your arms over your chest. 

Namjoon walks out of his kitchen and stands in front of you a smirk across his smug face. You roll your eyes, “Listen, can you-” you suddenly realized exactly what he saw, and your face goes bright red, “can you just keep what you saw to yourself?” 

“Oh believe me, I won’t tell a single soul, Miss (Y/L/N). That image is going to stay,” he taps a finger against his temple and winks, “right up here.” 

“Don’t be weird. Seriously, this stays between us.” 

“Why don’t you want anyone to know? Y’know, I’m surprised it took the two of you this long to start dating. I figured Jungkook would have admitted he liked you ages ago.” Namjoon says, shrugging while he leans against the wall beside his TV. 

You raise an eyebrow, your throat going dry at Namjoon’s words. Jungkook doesn’t like you like that, that’s ridiculous. He wouldn’t want to actually date you. 

“He doesn’t like me like that.” You say incredulously, tapping your foot while you feel your eyes staring through Namjoon. 

“Obviously he does, otherwise he wouldn’t be boning you like that.” Namjoon gestures wildly, as if he wasn’t giving you information that would both flutter your heart and implode your brain. With a few short sentences, Namjoon had flipped your entire interpretation of this situation with Jungkook completely upside down. 

“Wait,” Namjoon tears you out of your thoughts, “if he didn’t tell you he likes you, why were you guys fucking in his car?” 

“I feel like that’s none of your business.” 

“I feel like it is,” he laughs, “I heard you moaning from a mile away.” 

You swallowed, “Jungkook and I just wanted to have some fun for the summer. Then when classes start back up it’s done, we’re done.” 

“Good luck with that,” He snorts, shaking his head, “don’t you like him too? Why else would you agree to fuck him?” 

“Jesus, Namjoon can we stop using such vulgar language when talking about this?” you cringe inwardly at the bluntness of Namjoon. Even two years into this friendship you still had yet to get used to it. 

“Answer the question.” 

Looking up at the ceiling, you press your hands against your forehead to try and subdue the quickly forming headache. Namjoon stood in front of you patiently, his hands now folded behind his back while he waits for you to sift through your thoughts. 

Interestingly enough, you weren’t sure what to say. Telling Namjoon that you loved Jungkook more than a friend, especially after everything that happened, could be bad. It could throw off the whole group’s dynamic, and if for some reason you and Jungkook didn’t work out, you didn’t want to be the one to ruin it for everyone. 

One the other hand, it could work out. You and Jungkook could be happy together, and everything you dreamed about could work out for the best for everyone. You were both adults, and you could learn to navigate this new plane of existence together. But you were scared. So damn scared at potentially ruining your friendship. You’d rather have Jungkook as just a friend than not have him at all. 

“I love him.” You settle with, watching Namjoon’s expression warily. 

He grins, “Thought so.” 

As you were about to retaliate with something snarky, Namjoon’s phone rings.

He reaches into his pocket and stares at the screen, “Speak of the devil.” 

Jungkook’s name stretches across the screen, and Namjoon laughs at your expression while he slides to answer, immediately pressing the speaker button. You keep your hands over your mouth to try and silence yourself as much as possible, Namjoon’s grin widening. 

The smug bastard was enjoying being in on this secret. 

“What’s going on?” Namjoon answers, holding the phone in between the two of you. 

“Hey, can we talk about what you saw back there? (Y/N) would really prefer that no one else knew.” Jungkook’s voice was soft, concerned. It made your heart flutter. You looked at him in such a different light now that you had been so intimate with him. 

Namjoon looks at you, eyebrow raised, “Why’s that?” 

“Something about not wanting to be seen as promiscuous,” Jungkook explains, “I don’t want to upset her, so please don’t tease her or whatever you plan on doing. Please.” 

His sincerity struck a cord with you, and you realized just how much he cares about you. You smiled underneath your hands, but it quickly dropped when Namjoon met your eyes. 

“Well who else knows so I know who I can slip up in front of?” Namjoon asks, looking at you. 

‘No one’ you’re about to mouth towards him, but Jungkook stops your movements, “Jimin, but that’s only because this was his idea. I’m pretty sure Tae has an inkling because he almost caught her leaving the apartment.” 

Your eyes go wide, and Namjoon holds back a laugh, his jaw dropped in a wide grin. Before you could silence yourself, you yell, “What?!” 

“(Y/N)?!” Jungkook’s voice was so loud the speaker cut out momentarily, “What are you doing at Namjoon’s-” 

“The same thing you were, dickhead. When did you plan on telling me that Jimin knows about us?” You grab Namjoon’s phone out of his hand, seeing him throw his hands up in question. You put up a finger and turn off the speaker, putting the phone to your ear. 

“I wasn’t going to tell you,” Jungkook answers truthfully, “I didn’t want you to know that I had to have a friend convince me to ask you to have sex with me.” 

“But if you knew from the beginning that I didn’t want anyone to know, why wouldn’t you tell me then?” You ask, watching Namjoon wave you off and turn around, letting you speak to Jungkook privately. 

“I thought that would be an issue.” Jungkook seemed defeated. 

“It is an issue. What happened to talking about the issues we have to make this work?” You try your best not to let your anger get the best of you. It was a complicated situation for the both of you, and if you were being entirely honest you shouldn’t have been surprised that Jungkook asked advice from one of his hyungs. It wasn’t unlike him to talk openly about his sex life with his friends, even you. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. I- I just really wanted this to happen between us.” 

“Why?” You press. You had to hear him say it, to either deny or confirm what Namjoon said. 

“Because ever since you walked me into that bedroom and kissed me, I’ve been a fucking mess. I can’t stop thinking about how good you feel, in both ways. I love when you’re around me and I can’t help but want you around me all the time, in more ways than just as a friend,” Jungkook spoke fast and his stutter had completely diminished, “fuck, (Y/N). I want you, all of you. I want to wake up beside you and make you breakfast, I want to walk you to class and have the whole campus know that you’re mine and only mine. Ever since I met you I’ve wanted more and after that night, I couldn’t help myself.” 

You feel your blood run cold as he finishes his speech, your ears ringing while you became completely overwhelmed at the words Jungkook was using. It was everything you wanted to hear yet you know it’s only the circumstances that made him tell you. You couldn’t help but wonder just how long it would have taken him to tell you had he not been pushed. 

“Okay.” You whisper, forgetting you were in Namjoon’s apartment entirely. It was like the Earth had melted around you and you weren’t sure whether or not to cry of happiness or frustration. 

“Okay? Is that all you have to say?” Jungkook’s tone was incredulous. 

You don’t respond. 

“(Y/N)...I just poured my heart out to you.” Jungkook says after a few beats of silence. His tone had shifted, and you could tell he was upset. You didn’t want to upset him, but you felt numb. Like the whole world had frozen and all you could hear was the soft breathing on the other end of the line from a man who’s heart is about to get crushed. 

“I’ll call you when, uhm- when I can think straight. Does that sound good?” You let him down slowly, not wanting to hurt him. 

“O- okay.” He sniffles, your heart breaking while you end the call. 

Namjoon steps out of the kitchen, walking towards you when you reach your phone out to him. “Everything okay?” 

“Uh, yeah. It will be.” You say softly, giving Namjoon a tight smile. Namjoon nods, “Let me know if you need anything.” 

“Of course, Joonie.” You stand and pat his head, thanking him for allowing you to use his phone then walk out the door, beginning the long descent down the stairs and towards your apartment. 

[chimielie]

hello lia! sora here :) so sorry for dropping off the face of the earth for a while, things were a little tough. not sure if by drabble requests you meant something like this, but i'm currently working on a longfic centered around kuroo (and someone else!) on ao3 and i wonder if you might write something for him if you're in the mood... maybe something with the line "why can't you see that i like you?" ofc no pressure, and hope you have a good week! take care!! + hopefully this staves off hinge LOL

object impermanence

word count: 1.2k

cw: mild angst with a happy ending, possibly a confusing timeline, reader is an art student

a/n: oh my GOD that’s so exciting eeee can’t wait to read it!!! tysm and i hope times get easier for u :(( sending my love. also sorry this is so late i could Not figure out a plot but i’m actually quite happy with what i spit out (it’s 2 am this opinion is liable to change with proper rest)

It’s in a café, a pretentious, dimly-lit place with oil paintings on the walls and a back stair with a balcony for smoking that things unravel. You’re careful, or you try to be, but—well. The heart wants what it wants, and yours is very willful.

Kuroo is shoved into the corner next to you, with the crushed-velvet pillows you were so afraid to spill coffee on. There had been three of you earlier, you and your art history TA and him, and since the café was a literal sardine box you had found yourself trying to balance minimizing body contact and acting like he had the plague. Your TA had had to leave in a rush, and you’d been secretly a little glad, especially when Kuroo didn’t request that you take her former seat across from him.

You remembered him the first time you met, folding himself into your tiny apartment and looking sheepish when you had looked away from the dingy window above the sink you’d been sketching and asked who he was and why he was in your house. It had turned out that he was your roommate’s boyfriend, had been for about two months, and were they ready yet?

They weren’t, so you invited him to sit on the other chair at the table and wait. You hadn’t expected him to talk to you. You hadn’t expected him to be nice.

When you blurted you have a really striking face, I’d love to draw it during a lull in the conversation where you’d had no other option than to focus on the arrangement of features some people (bad roommates) would call handsome, you hadn’t expected him to ask would you really?

You were a bad roommate, though they didn’t know it, because you hadn’t kept in touch with them after moving out but you called Kuroo at least an hour every day before bed.

And you were a bad friend—to Kuroo, not your ex-roommate, because you’re pretty sure you had loved him from the first moment he’d asked after the perspective of your little window sketch.

“Your hair,” he says, and has to twist his whole torso around to get a good look. He catches a piece of it in between his thumb and forefinger, twiddles it back and forth and peers at it like it’s a specimen in a lab. “You changed it.”

“Hardly,” you say. “I just got a trim.”

“It’s different this time,” he says. “Isn’t it?” You purse your lips and blow across the top of your super-fancy tiny coffee cup, a futile exercise since you already drank half of it.

“I went to someplace new, I guess,” you say, and he lets out a whoop that makes you laugh and forget the rest of your words.

“I knew it,” he’s so smug. “I always know.”

“Yeah,” you bat at him so he drops your hair and it springs back, you can feel it in your scalp. “Who even notices things like that?”

“Me? When it’s you.”

“Oh, stop it.” You think. “What am I allergic to?”

“Peach skins and nickel,” he says immediately. “And when you were little you broke out in hives when you ate a pomegranate but you liked it so much you kept eating it anyway and eventually the reaction went away.”

“Your memory is insane,” you sip your coffee, staring at the rapidly diminishing amount. You can’t afford another one, not on your budget as an art student. Ugh.

“No,” he reiterates. “Only when it’s you.”

It started (really started) after your roommate had broken up with him, when you’d come home in the early morning and found him sitting outside your door, brown eyes red-rimmed and holding a box of his things like it weighed a thousand pounds. Let me get you some water, you’d said, and I’d ask you to come in, but. Ah. Sorry. Do you want my breakfast bowl for tomorrow? You had tried to be kind, even though it was hard. You were tired and you didn’t know what had happened and you still had to live with his ex without them hating you.

A few months had passed—you were no vulture, and had no way to reach out anyway. He had bumped into you on vacation in Paris, grabbed you by the shoulders, and looked at you in a way he never had before. It made everyone else on the busy street disappear.

I wanted to talk to you again. Would that be okay? I still have the picture you made me, somewhere.

Your friendship ripened with the seasons.

“I believe you,” you laugh.

“You don’t!” He runs a hand through his hair, jokingly frustrated, you think. And devastatingly attractive. “You always—like—downplay your importance in my life. Like you think I forget about you when I can’t see you. But I think about you all the time.”

“Kuroo, don’t,” you say, but it’s a mistake, because you always address him formally. Your last defense against him finding out all the boundaries you want to cross. It’s a mile between you, and your hip is still touching his.

“Why not?” He spreads his arms, and knocks over your tiny coffee cup. The rest of it spills out over the table, not even enough to drip off, and neither of you notice. “Why can’t you see that I like you?”

“Because you don’t,” you choke, and you hate getting emotional like this, hate that you hate confrontation. “We’re good friends. I’m not gonna be a rebound.”

“You’re not,” he says. “You won’t be.”

“I believe you,” you say again.

“Stop that,” he groans, looks at you again like he did in the street in Paris. “If you don’t want me, that’s fine, I’m just so bad at not wanting you.”

Kuroo is awful, eyes gleaming in the lamplight and hair oil-black and dressed like he’s old money, like he’s trying to impress you.

“Of course I want you,” you say, hot and still not leaning away from him so you can breathe.

“Good,” he looks a little starstruck, and maybe that’s when you start to believe that he can look at you and tell the truth. “Good. I can draw you up a list, later, when you’re not so fucking close to me and so—”

He tilts your chin with his fingers and kisses you and it’s a word between the both of you, a whole language of touch. The overripe peach falls off its branch and bursts on the ground. The coffee soaks into the discarded cloth napkins.

“You make it hard for me to think,” he says when he pulls back, breathless. “But I can write you an essay, ten pages, twelve point font, with citations, of all the ways I love you to prove it. I swear it.”

“A picture is worth a thousand words,” you say, and take his hand when you kiss him again. And it’s not careful like some of your first kisses have been. And your heart sings.

[alittleoptimistic]

Hi! I just wanted to say, I BLOODY LOVE YOUR GF FANFIC!!! I have trouble reading in general and with fanfic I usually find one to hyperfixate on for months or years at a time, even if I don't like it that much, because I'm too afraid to look for any outside of recommendations.

I've had a variety of different experiences (mostly strong cringe) but when I read yours I feel kinda like goldy locks from that fairytail the three bears, some fics are too long or too short, too complex or too simple, too dark or too serious, but yours is "just right"! It has a great balance of mature and silly, wich is a problem I personally get with alot of gf fic (usually too dark or angsty or mature) that doesn't make the fic bad, but it isn't my cup of tea.

And I love love love love the way you characterise the... characters, especially stan and ford. They feel just right in that they're not portrayed as "too tough" or "too mean" and they're allowed to actually feel anxious or worried and don't always express it in a violent or loud or "manly" way. It feels like your writing the characters first instead of "grumpy old men who happen to be silly sometimes". They can be soft and kind and dumb and dorks and I personally adore it. The way you write comfort with them is sooooooo heartmelting.

Same goes for the other characters, they're aloud to express themselves in less conventional ways wich means they actually feel more like the kinds of people to "build giant death robots instead of dealing with their feelings" or "use a smoke bomb, grab the cash, and book it" or "be oblivious to obvious red flags when caught up in curiosity and fascination" for some obvious examples.

Even the way you use words is a delight and refreshingly easy to read whilst also painting a very lovely picture. I rarely get overwhelmed or confused and it feels so efficient? And refreshing!

Sorry this is a long one but I was catching up on some of your fic during a long train ride yesterday and had to stop every paragraph or so to annoy my twin bro about how much I loved it!

Aw man these sorts of messages straight up make my whole day. Thanks 😊

I’m glad you think the words come off well lmao, bc it sure doesn’t feel like that when I’m writing. I’m trudging up hill lol.

I totally get what you mean about some fics being too angst-y. I think part of it is bc the canon content is mostly light hearted, so people do this super opposite thing and end up a little too far on the other side in an attempt to add more depth. But they do it too fast maybe? Idk, to each their own, but I agree, it’s not my cup of tea. I kind of write fan fic bc I want to see a certain thing I’m not seeing- so part of me writing TSoSP was because I wasn’t seeing a lot of reconciliation stories that were quite to my taste. (Not that there aren’t any at all! I’ve found several I love so much! Blind Faith comes to mind, as well as For Mutts and Men)

I really had a problem with letting The Boys (lol) cry or be very outwardly emotional, especially toward each other? So I’m glad it works well for you lol! I just didn’t feel like it was in character for them, so I saved up any extreme sorts of emotion as long as I possibly could. I worked with the idea that I wasn’t going to let the reader get the payoff of seeing them actually do the right thing as long as possible and I also wouldn’t let them pretty much ever say what they actually meant. Uhhh that’s just more interesting for me personally, and it makes it so I can have very violent/sad/ dramatic situations, but keep it relatively light hearted by having the characters just be like “ah hah. Nope. Not going to think about that. Here is a joke.” Idk, maybe that was just frustrating. I’m trying to practice not being too dismal bc it is very much my tendency to go all out with the Sad and Violent- and I’ve seen some good stories balance it out with humor. I’m working on an original book that has very much to do with death and grief, so I’ve been trying to use that same kind of technique. Humor to balance out pain? Idk. Like, I watched the Odd Couple recently and realized that it’s straight up about a guy who gets divorced, and tries to kill himself, and all his friends aren’t sure how to help. And it’s the funniest movie I’ve ever seen.

Some people write fan fic for the cathartic feeling of those characters being loved and expressing love, ummmm I also like this but sometimes I’m just cringing and idk why. Idk if that makes sense. Like as much as I want a young stan pines to get a long hug with his brother, it’s just not going to happen in my understanding of the characters unless they’re incredibly drugged or they almost just died. Like, to me, the whole interesting thing about it would be the journey of getting them to a place where they would reasonably do the thing you want them to do. (The stakes are even higher when they’re old. Like, can you imagine your gruff grandpa crying on his twin’s shoulder? It’s going to take Some Stuff for that situation to happen) idk. Tbh if I could do it again, I would have extended the ending a bit but it is what it is.

I think it depends on what you’re trying to accomplish. Cause, I don’t want to bash people who are just trying to cope by making some old guys cry I’m each other’s arms, ya know? Like, can people just have things? If that’s helping you emotionally, go for it. But also, the idea of stan pines- an old man who grew up in the 60-70s- going to therapy and being emotionally vulnerable the way some modern teenagers are is just,,, in my version of his world it is going to take a Lot of growth. I have family members that are very similar to Stan (except very Italian instead of Jewish lol) and it’s just funny to imagine someone who is literally the same person as my great uncle John getting the owo treatment 😭😂

So anyway that’s a lot of words whoops. I’m less of a hurt/comfort writer and more of an Hurt writer and then sneak in some comfort but let’s not make eye contact about it

[dylanxmin]

A Little Serendipity

Part.20

before / next

•masterlist•

pairing; min yoongi x reader

genre; fluff, slight angst, slice of life au, strangers to lovers au

rating; PG-15

warnings; swearings, drunk yoongi, slight fighting(just yelling)

word counts; 3k

a/n; well, it is quite a long part right? lol,,, IM SO SORRY that it took ages to write, (it’s 2 week) but i had a writer’s block for this fic, and again, i’m so sorry,, but let’s chat a little, how did you find this part? i hope you liked it,, thanks for reading, ily ♡

''Y/N, can you take out the trash?'' after hearing Soobin voice, I blow a breath to the air, taking out trash never felt this tiring in my life, and probably this was all because of me laying on my bed for all day and doing nothing. My body slowly turned into a jelly by days, as I do nothing but pitying myself and yes, I know that is one miserable move, but no one can judge me at the moment, as I won't let it.

''Is it okay if I take out myself as trash?'' Soobin looks at me worriedly, fixing her posture to give me a response, raising her head from Taehyung's legs, ''We are still miserable, huh?'' With her move, Taehyung looks at me with flat lips, probably he was worried about me too, as Soobin tells him everything, and I'm totally okay with this because he is a good guy, making my best friend happy and all. At least one of the people who live in this apartment were happy. ''I am totally okay! Can't you see how fine I am Soobin?'' I scoffed but it wasn't intended to hurt her or anything like that. I just so sickened myself with these behaviors, and now they were stuck with me, and won't let go of me for a second. ''I'm sorry,'' misery was hearable by my tone, but I didn't mind it.

''Okay, that's enough!'' Taehyung and I were surprised by the sudden yell coming from Soobin, as we didn't expect it at all. She is looking very frustrated at the moment, and I can't deny that I'm low key scared at her. ''You. Sit.'' she points the light green couch with her finger, demanding me in a tone that I immediately obeyed. Taehyung's wide-open eyes wandering on Soobin, he was surprised as much as me, which it's understandable because I don't think that Taehyung made Soobin this angry before, and I can say that this is my specialty. ''I. Sit.'' after sitting to the couch I said in irony, but I only wanted to ease the tension she got in her veins but sadly, it backfired.

''Cut the crap, Y/N,''

''Okay, honey. I think we need to calm a little, huh?'' Even though I appreciate Taehyung's efforts to calming Soobin, I knew that it would backfire, too. Her deadly gaze gathers on him and he goes silent in a second, which I tried to hold my laughter as watching them will never make me less entertained, but right now I need to be serious, for not to be killed by Soobin. ''I don't want to become this, but you literally forced me to do this, Y/N. You know that right?'' she holds her hands on his knees, lifting one eyebrows judgmentally. I nodded, and if I have to be honest with this situation, whenever I feel or act miserable, Soobin is the one who always pulls me up with her attitudes, with her rough but correct words, so in a way, it was a relief to see her in this attitudes.

''Look, I know you and Yoongi for a long time, and I can't say that he is a bad guy, but if he said that he doesn't want you, then you have to move on sweetie. It's for the best,'' after she ends her words, Teahyung nudges her with his elbow, shake his head in disapproval, but I ignore his kind warnings. ''Well he didn't say that he didn't want me or anything,'' murmuring in my own didn't go as I plan it, and I understand that by the wide-opened eyes, staring at me in surprise. ''Wait a minute, what?''

''Why did you say that he rejected Y/N, Soobin?''

''Because she was living in her bed for almost a week now, and not doing anything apart from eating, and breathing which she barely eats. I thought that he rejected you, Y/N!'' Both of them now looking at me, their puzzled glances stay on me until I start to speak, which is a very uncomfortable moment for me. ''He never officially rejected me, but with his lack of interest, finally, I understand that he doesn't want to be with me.'' With an exhausted whine, Soobin puts her head in his palm, covering her face, while Taehyung shaking his head, and he tries to hold back his laughter by biting his lip.

''Y/N, what did he say to you?'' Instead of giving him a decent response, I just shrug my shoulders because remembering the moments we had wasn't the best thing I wanted to at this moment, but eventually, I gave up. ''Well, he said that he needs some time to deal with his problems and all, that he couldn't find the answer yet, and something like this.''

''You are such a stupid person, Y/N,'' Soobin start to talk under her breaths, looking at me in disappointment, but I couldn't understand the fuss about what I said. He clearly rejected me with his behaviors, didn't he? Taehyung gets up from the couch to come to my side, holding my shoulders after sitting right beside me. ''Honey, I'm sorry but you totally misread the situation.'' his lips were still flat, but I could read the pity that he feels for me, and still I couldn't understand what they were trying to say.

''If he didn't reject you 'officially' then that's mean, he didn't reject you Y/N, because Yoongi isn't a guy who interprets his words or, his behaviors. He would totally speak to you, in a case like this.'' Taeyhung start to explaining to me, probably gets sick of my silly looks, as I can't understand what they were trying to say to me by calling me stupid. ''He is one straight guy, like the straightest.''

''Firstly, I don't think this word exists, and secondly, are you sure? Because it feels like he rejected me.'' Soobin literally growled at me, before start to talking and telling how stupid I am, all over again, and in a way, I agreed with her. ''I'm telling it for the last time, I know him, okay? I know him and yes, it is not a rejection. Get this, Y/N.'' The room buried in silence, after what she said. I tried to order my thoughts for a second beside my emotions because if it's true, and if he really didn't reject me, so that's mean I still have a shot with him. ''I guess we broke her, baby.'' Taehyung's words were nothing but a whisper for me at the moment, thrill just takes over my body, heartbeats reach my neck, goosebumps appear. Even though they explained to me more than one time now, I still couldn't believe it and didn't want to believe it mostly. Because if I hold my hopes high one more time just to drop them all over again, I couldn't bear the idea of this. I just needed to suppress it, give this possibility a good thought then, maybe I can be happy about it. Yes, this plan sounds good to me.

Well, I gave it a good amount of thought this idea, but whenever I think, it feels like it's not real at all, sounded like a dumb idea but every time I call this idea 'dumb', Soobin was there to punch me or kick, and if she can't be my side physically, she would simply call me dumb as quittance, which I find it very childish but who am I the judge? I literally stayed at my bed for weeks and cried like a highschool girl, and being a high school girl isn't a bad thing unless you are not a grown woman, who has to work for paying her bills, for food and all. I'm almost twenty-six and my behaviors would tell the very opposite.

''Y/N, we are leaving! Are you sure about not coming with us?'' Whoops! I totally forget the dinner thing, but even if I didn't forget it, I wouldn't dare to go out and face with him as nothing happened before or, how many times I thought about his feelings for me, as according to Soobin and Taehyung, he had feelings for me or, didn't reject me? Whatever it is, I just couldn't face him, so I just passed tonight's event. ''I'm pretty sure Soobin, have fun!''

''Okay, I love you, have fun!'' And after the last yelling, she closes the door very loudly that I jumped on my chair. ''Jeez. woman,'' But after a moment, her words start to itching my mind, how could I have fun in this home, with my thoughts? She was clearly mocking with me, but I decided to let it slide away. As I have to deal with my work stuff, and I meant writing when I say it because I need to get my work done or, my publisher is going to kill me eventually. Okay, maybe killing is a little exaggerated will but still, I couldn't judge her, as I came back Seoul for almost four months now, and I did nothing, rather, I have to write at least half of the book that I'm working on these days.

Hours had passed, and I could barely write a decent storyline as most of my paper had a lot of crossing on the words that I wrote but still, it was better than nothing, I guess? When I finally straighten my back cracking voice reach to my ears, shut down my eyes when I feel the pain, the ache reaches through my neck, and I sighed. I didn't know how much time had passed now, but according to my back pain, I could say that it is a lot. ''Okay, now what I am going to do?'' I ask myself out loud, lean on my back until I touch the chair, rubbing my eyes because they were itching in exhaustion. So, I stayed in this pose until I heard the door ring, which it's a semi-surprise for me, as I didn't wait for Soobin to come back this early, but probably she felt sorry for me and decided to cut the night early this time. I stand up swiftly to open the door, which I still couldn't understand why she wasn't using her keys. ''Are you too drunk to open-''

''How did you know that I'm drunk?''

''Yoongi?'' My jaw drops to my chest after seeing the boy leaning on the corner of the door, a silly grin hanging on his lips, looking at me in shock, as I 'know' that he was drunk. After a moment of not knowing what to do and failing to talk to him finally, I could be able to gather my courage to talk. ''Okay, I guess you need to come inside,'' and before I could finish my words properly, he takes a step to the small apartment, walking to the couch as he was familiar with this apartment more than me. I close the door, before following his steps, and watching him sitting to the couch cozily. ''You didn't come today,'' he said as making a statement, but it was obvious that I wasn't there with them, as he came to my place but he was drunk so I hold myself from saying something ironic. ''Do you need to drink water?''

''You didn't come,'' he just ignored my question with a very demanding voice. I didn't know what to do for a second, so I just ignored him just like him. ''Maybe coffee. So we can purify from all the alcohol, huh?''

''You didn't-''

''Yes! Yes, I didn't come today Yoongi. What are you trying to say? For god sake!'' We both look very surprised, as neither of us waiting for this aggressive yelling from me, but hearing the same thing over and over again starts to irritate me, as I could feel the tension between us growing rapidly, his chest starts to move swiftly as well as mine. I watch his expression to go angry from shock, but without waiting any minute, I continued to talk. ''I have a life beside you. You know that right? Plus, I don't need to explain it!''

''Oh you have a life, huh?'' his husky voice spread into the room, misty glares of him stayed on me, there were some emotions that I couldn't understand but decided to ignore it. ''Yes, and this surprised you because?''

''You can have a life but I can't?'' now his voice starts to raise, leaving me in shock with his statement, so he decided to continue. ''When I say that, when I say that I have a life and have something to deal with, you scold me. But here we are, you say that you have a life!''

''Okay I think you are overreacting right now, Yoongi,'' I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his reactions, which his attitudes now making me a little uncomfortable, but what I said made him angrier I guess, as now he stand up swiftly with shaky hands. ''Am I overreacting? Overreacting!'' his hands start to brush his hair, now his whole body was shaking in rage, for a second I thought he was going to throw something at me but thankfully, he did not.

''If I am overreacting then what are you doing? Why are you not coming when we all hang out? Are you chicken out for being at the same place as me? Just because I said that I need some time?'' if someone could see the two of us, probably would think that he was having a tantrum with all of these hand gestures and yelling but luckily, we were alone. But the one who is not lucky right now is no one other than Yoongi. As he called me a 'coward' after all, he has to pay this. ''I am not. Chicken out. I have some things to deal with, you know?''

''Haha. Funny but I am not buying this crap.'' his imitation of the laugh was highly ridiculous and unnecessary, but somehow he manages to trigger my anger. ''What do you want, Yoongi? One second, you want me gone, don't want to see me, but then coming to my house and scolding me. What do you want?'' breathlessness takes over me at the end of my words, semi-coughed for fixing my throat, but just when I stop talking, his husky voice covered the room. ''I'd never not want to see you, Y/N,''

''What?''

''How could you think that? I'm dying to see you every damn day, every moment.'' When he stopped talking, I just stay there quietly, staring blankly at his face because words were pretty hard to establish for me, as what his words now wandering in my mind, trying to make it sense but doesn't work. He sigh. ''I'm not a bright person like Hoseok or, funny like Jin. I don't even know how I got to be friends with them Y/N. I am not an outgoing person. I'm just a man who goes to his studio, locks himself to there, and just works on his music.''

''And you think that I am best at being funny or anything else? I called you Min Yoongi for days, Yoongi,'' I said immediately after he finishes his words because he was being ridiculous.

''Everyone loves you Y/N. You are funny, caring, pretty-'' his eyes widened after what he said, taking his sight from me to landing on the room. ''You think I'm pretty?'' I questioned because I had to. It is just too much information for me at one time. First, he says that he wants to see me every day and then calls me pretty? This man wants me dead, for sure. His shy smile appears on his lips, only to cause me more ache on the heart, taking my breath by my lungs, so we both stay silent. Nevertheless, I could hear my heartbeats, throbbing loudly, and I'm pretty sure that he could hear it too.

''Yes. Yes, I think that you are pretty, beautiful and amazing. As I know that I'm a stupid man who is afraid to break your heart or, couldn't fulfill your needs, but I am sure about one thing that I want you in my life, as more than a friend.'' he ends his words, raises his brows as waiting for an answer, but I couldn't talk at the moment. Neither I manage to talk, nor breathing. Jaw drops to the chest, mouth dried in shock, vacant stares placed on his weak smile. I waited for this moment, for almost three months, and now instead of jumping to his arms, I just stay there, petrified like a statue.

''Okay, I guess this is the time where you say that you want me in your life as more than a friend or, I am going to freak out,'' An instant laughter takes over me until I start panting, his face grows more worried now, but it was so cute. ''I.. Of course I want you in my life as more than a friend, Yoongi. Stop looking at me with those doe eyes.''

''Thank goodness! For a second you got me, Y/N,'' his chuckles echoed with mines, as his steps start to get closer to me, while I could feel my pulse on my body, wriggle on the stomach, as he holds my wrist to pull me closer, nodding as asking for permission. Rather than permitting him, I bumped my lips to his soft ones, tiny giggle slides by his mouth when he deepens the kiss.

''Did I mentioned that you are talented as well?'' he asked after breaking the kiss, caused me to chuckle, and I gave him a little hard hit on the shoulder, but he responded it with a giggle, before leaning to kiss me, he said, ''Well, just to make sure, you are very talented.''

taglist; [ @mochiloverbts ]

[traincat]

I know you've already sort of discussed this but could you please explain the marvel 2 in 1 ending... what I'm getting is that the gist of it is that Reed and Sue are just like 'lol whoops I guess we sorta forgot about u'... which is really kinda anticlimactic and abrupt. Did I read it wrong or something? All that build up and angst just for it to go down the drain... is there something more to it that I'm missing that you know of?

I can explain it, but the answer’s not going to satisfy you, because it doesn’t satisfy me. Long story short: there were implications there was something more to the story than Marvel Two-In-One’s final two issues said, but Fantastic Four hasn’t followed up on that like, at all, and shows no signs that they’re going to anytime soon.

In the interests of putting all of the pieces together, I’m going to lay out everything that happened between the cancellation of the Fantastic Four title and now, because there are a lot of fuzzy periods. The Fantastic Four disappeared from the Marvel universe and from the shelves back in 2015, following Jonathan Hickman’s Secret Wars event. In Secret Wars, the multiverse has been destroyed and cobbled back together into Battleworld, a realm where Doctor Doom rules as god king, with Sue as his wife, Ben transformed into a huge wall, and Johnny as Battleworld’s artificial sun. It’s a real fractured fairy tale. At the end of Secret Wars, Reed defeats Doom and reunites his family. Using Franklin’s mutant ability to create entire universes and the Molecule Man’s powers, Reed, Sue, and the children of the Future Foundation set out to recreate the multiverse. Ben and Johnny are sent back to their own Earth with comment that “their stories aren’t done yet.” Doom is also sent back with his scarred face restored. 

The cancellation of the Fantastic Four at this point heralds the first time Marvel had been without a Fantastic Four book on the shelves since 1961. We know – partially because it was painfully obvious, and partially because Jonathan Hickman spilled the beans – that the Fantastic Four comics were cancelled because of a film rights dispute; aka, Marvel Studios and Disney didn’t have the film rights, and Ike Perlmutter threw a fit about it. Instead of doing their best to put out a good book that would draw in comics audiences, Marvel instead cancelled Fantastic Four, citing low readership. Marvel has denied this, but the truth is pretty obvious, especially with how the Fantastic Four’s return to comics just so happened to coincide exactly with when it became extremely clear that the Disney-Fox merger was going through. So right from the start we had this very inorganic reason as to why the Fantastic Four were hung up. Reed, Sue, and the kids were retired out of universe under the excuse that they were rebuilding the multiverse – which, to be fair, does work as a pretty good excuse. Johnny and Ben, on the hand, were kept in-universe and distributed to other properties, probably because of Ben – who, let’s be honest, is the most popular of the Fantastic Four and the moneymaker here – and because it made more sense to keep Johnny and Ben than just Ben. 

Immediately post-Secret Wars, there was an eight month (iirc) timeskip in the main Marvel universe, meaning that books that picked up after the events of Secret Wars picked up significantly after it; we see very little of the Secret Wars fallout. Here’s what we do know concerning the Fantastic Four: Reed, Sue, and the kids were largely believed to be dead, although Johnny in particular initially refused to believe that. Sometime during this timeskip, Johnny and Ben had some kind of fight. We don’t know what it was about. Honestly, at this point, we’re unlikely to ever know what it was about. Whatever it was, it was bad enough that Ben and Johnny severed all communication and Ben left the planet to join the Guardians of the Galaxy. What followed was the longest separation between Ben and Johnny that we’ve ever seen in canon. Johnny and Ben are famous for squabbling, but their fights rarely last longer than a few days at most; they’re extremely close, to the point that when Ben was presumed dead, Johnny’s coping mechanism mirrored Ben’s long time love and current wife Alicia’s. This post-Secret Wars separation between them lasted longer than when Ben thought Johnny had gotten together with said longtime love Alicia (it was a Skrull in disguise, but nobody would know that for like 80 issues). This separation between them is completely unprecedented, and like I said, we have no idea what caused it.

This scene from Infamous Iron Man #9 is the closest I’ve gotten to determining a root of the fight – note Johnny says “my family”, all handily bolded for emphasis. Not “our family”, “my family.” Ben is the only member of the Fantastic Four not related by either marriage or blood to any of the others, which has been a very occasional sore spot in the past. But even this scene doesn’t quite make sense – it’s hard to imagine Ben and Johnny having a months long separation over this alone, and to make matters more confusing, before Infamous Iron Man #9, Johnny had tried to get in contact with Ben only to be rebuffed. In Infamous Iron Man #9, Ben gets in contact with Johnny only for Johnny to practically run away from him. Already the new dynamic here feels like it needed more attention in the narrative than it actually got.

I think part of the problem with this whole return of the Fantastic Four storyline – the actual return especially, but even the lead-up – is that it was never established what was keeping Reed and Sue from coming back. On top of that, if they had the power to send Johnny and Ben back, why weren’t they able to send them back with some sort of memory or guarantee that Reed, Sue, and the kids were okay? It would have been very easy to say “well, a supervillain did it!” You know, the easiest comic book plot excuse of all time. But they didn’t do that. And that creates a problem when it’s a well-established fact that Johnny in particular tends to fall into a deep depression and displays signs of self-harm when the team isn’t together. (Fantastic Four #191-193, Robinson’s Fantastic Four run, Ben’s death in Waid’s run.) Which is exactly what happened this time, too, both during the timeskip and in the lead-up to Marvel Two-In-One (2017). 

Marvel Two-In-One (2017) was essentially the test run for the return of the Fantastic Four. The original Two-In-One was to Ben Grimm what Marvel Team Up was to Peter Parker: essentially a team up book that revolved around one character. So it made sense to relaunch it starring Ben and Johnny. In Two-In-One, Ben discovers Johnny at the end of his rope, pulling life-threatening stunts in his grief and depression, and, willed a multidimensional travel device by Reed, decides to – to the best of his knowledge at the time – lie to Johnny and say that Reed and Sue might still be alive. Learning that they’re both losing their powers and will continue to do so unless they’re reunited with Reed and Sue, as their powers depend on the four of them being in the same universe (an interesting concept, though not one we’ve seen before), Ben and Johnny set off, with a worryingly helpful Doctor Doom on their heels, on a multiversal roadtrip to find their family – one Ben thinks will fail from the start because, as far as he knows, Reed and Sue are dead. It’s a really good concept, and a great concept that starts to fall apart as soon as the notion that Reed and Sue aren’t dead starts to float to the surface. In Two-In-One #9, stranded powerless with Ben in the desert in another universe and facing death, Sue appears to Johnny.

(Marvel Two-In-One #10) This brief contact is apparently enough to reignite Ben and Johnny’s powers to full strength. Sue says that her and Reed’s powers were gone, which does seem to track with the plot – except Johnny and Ben lost their powers over a prolonged period of time, not all at once. If Reed had realized he and Sue were losing their powers, he should have come to that conclusion far before this point in time. You can say the times don’t add up because different universes (which the “you haven’t met the Zaklons yet” line would seem to imply), but with no explanation about how Sue was able to contact Johnny – however briefly – at this point, it does make it seem like Reed and Sue could’ve made contact with Ben and Johnny at any point… and simply chose, for whatever reason, not to. Which is, ultimately, the story Two-In-One goes with. 

(Marvel Two-In-One #11) In the very next issue, Reed’s reasoning for why they didn’t take Ben and Johnny with them is that… they would’ve been bored by the science aspect of it all. Which is, I’m going to go ahead say, very out of character and not in the spirit of the Fantastic Four. They’re explorers, and they explore together. This seems like a weirdly brusque excuse to write off the absence so they can get back to the status quo as quickly as possible, using Reed’s science-obsessed image to make him the fall guy. Additionally, in this issue (which I have to say, I overall like – I wrote a whole Doom/Reed fic based off of it), Reed also offers another reason why the world had to believe he and Sue were dead:

In Marvel Two-In-One #11, Reed and Ben visit an alternate universe Doom who exists in a universe where his own Reed is dead. This Doom is a pretty okay dude at the moment – in fact, he and Reed had become, through Reed’s private multiversal travel, close friends. Using this (pretty flawed) logic of “Reed dead = Doom good??”, Reed deduced that if his own Doom thought Reed was dead, he… too would be good? Look, I don’t hate this. I’m a big Doom/Reed fan and the whole thing is pretty shippy and it also depends on Reed having an enormous attachment to Doom and an enormous desire for his own Doom to be like this other Doom, who is his friend. But as far as “why did Reed and Sue stay away as long as they did” explanations go, “Reed was kind of bonkers in love with Doom” is not the direction I expected things to go. Besides, it doesn’t really work, and it doesn’t really work for one big reason: Fantastic Four (2018) #1, the actual return of the Fantastic Four, was published before this, and Fantastic Four (2018) #1 implies a hugely different story.

Fantastic Four (2018) #1 sees Johnny and Ben returned to their home universe after the events of Marvel Two-In-One #10. The reader has no idea how they got there or what they’ve been doing since they got back, or even how long it’s been since they’ve been back. Despite the Sue sighting, at the very end of the issue, Johnny becomes convinced all over again that Reed and Sue are dead, up until… 

(Fantastic Four v6 #1) The staging here is important – Reed and Sue’s battle-ripped uniforms, and the cryptic lines between them, like Sue’s “what you plan to do… seems impossible.” This is compounded by dialogue between Franklin and Val in the next Fantastic Four issue:

“You think you can boost that signal enough… to reach Earth?” “Home? I’m good, but there’s no way I’m that good.” This would definitely seem to imply that, for some reason, Reed, Sue, and the kids can’t contact their home universe, or Ben and Johnny at all. I’m admittedly biased in favor of this version: the more time went by without Reed and Sue contacting Johnny and Ben and leaving them on their own, the more obvious it became that this was the best solution, to create some comic book reason why Reed and Sue simply couldn’t return home. But Fantastic Four (2018) #3 and #4 never really explore this more, and the subject gets dropped altogether, which makes for a very unsatisfying read. The Fantastic Four simply return home together and, some frankly too quickly brushed off anger and resentment from Johnny in Marvel Two-in-One’s closing issue aside, this gets swept under the rug in favor of the Fantastic Four just being back now! Hurrah! Pay no attention to the film rights hungry Mouse behind the curtain! 

If I wanted to, I could make the explanations presented in Fantastic Four (2018) and Marvel Two-in-One (2017) mesh – Reed has massive guilt issues stemming back to the accident that granted the Fantastic Four his powers. He has a bad habit of taking responsibility that isn’t necessarily his, and of not being 100% truthful in situations because he feels it’s for the best for everyone. (The massive amount of time he takes to reveal his powers are failing during Fraction’s Fantastic Four run, or in the two instances during Waid’s run where Reed uses cruel words to distract both Ben and Sue from his plans to sacrifice himself for them.) Reed might have chosen to take the blame on himself – come up with a story he knows will anger Ben, say that he thought he and Johnny would have been bored, because he felt it was somehow easier than admitting that he and Sue found themselves in some kind of situation where they simply couldn’t get back, and couldn’t contact Ben or Johnny. It’s a way of taking 100% of the blame on himself, which would be a very Reed thing to do. But that would be me doing the book’s work for it; this is absolutely not established within the actual canon as of the time of my writing this.

Honestly, I don’t think we’re likely to see this explored more any time imminently – the Fantastic Four were banished from the stands because of film rights. They came back because for three years dedicated fans asked where the Fantastic Four were, yes, but also because of those same film rights. Now that they’re back, there seems to be this huge rush to pretend it never happened: the Four are back together, and that’s that. It’s very unsatisfying, but it’s clear Marvel cared more about pushing the Fantastic Four back together as quickly as possible than writing a coherent, satisfying story that put together all the pieces of their in-universe disappearance.

[writingwife-83]

Awww, I missed the "Fanfiction Questions" thing and there are quite a lot of questions I would have liked to ask. Maybe you'll answer when you have time? *hopeful* 31, 32, 39 and 40, 46 aaaand 50 💋 Am I too gready? A bit not good? Or is it ok? Whoops, that's 3 more questions, I'm shutting up now 😆

Hi, anon! Decided to take a few minutes to get this posted before heading to bed. Thanks for sending these, your greed for questions is much appreciated lol! 😘

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

I’m grateful to be able to say I’ve had many incredibly flattering comments. But I guess one thing that truly WOWs me is if someone tells me that reading my words has helped get them through a tough time. Not just, “this was an annoying day” but a legit bad time in their life. It’s hard to comprehend I could do something like that with my little stories, but it’s honestly wonderful whenever I’ve been told that. ❤️

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

I listen more when I’m brainstorming/plot planning. Once in a while I listen to a specific song while writing, but for the most part I want to instead listen to the voices of the characters and hear the dialogue nice and clear. But yes, I am very inspired by music! I’d say 90% of the music I listen to sparks some sort of story telling inspiration, even if it’s just little blips. I listen to a lot of genres though, so I don’t think I could narrow it way down.

39. What is your greatest strength as a writer?

I think (idk maybe I shouldn’t be answering this about myself lol) that would be dialogue and the general flow of conversation between characters.

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

One difficulty is any kind of action scene. Action scenes are hard because you don’t want it to read like a list of events or steps, but you also want to make sure it’s clear exactly what’s happening. Especially if things are very quick moving, it can be tricky. I’m always nervous when I need to write a scene like that!

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

In terms of multi chapters, I’d probably have to say I Told You So. It’s a pretty complete package of my sherlolly FanFiction writing style. There’s humor, fluff, romance, a touch of angst, and a bit of conflict with a baddie. But in case they wanted a period AU, my choice would be Zephyr. 😊

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

Well, about 5.5 years ago, when I was newly obsessed with Sherlock and sherlolly after recently watching series 1-3, I stumbled on a @thisisartbylexie pieice on Pinterest, which linked me back to @strawberrypatty’s epic post TRF fic called The Full House. I promptly devoured that. I had never before read fanfic of any kind, but I was quickly hooked. I spent a few weeks reading some of her stuff and a few others as well, but having always been a recreational original fiction writer anyway, it didn’t take me long to say to be bff, “hey I think I could write something like this.” I decided to go for it, eventually posted things I’d written, and I guess you could say I stuck around a while. 😆

[drawnecromancy]

40? but srs 19 and 17 if ya'r up to them

I was on my way to bed but ! You asked for it ! I have a poem ! Aaaand I just realized the poem is in french WHOOPS

This was written by Émilienne d'Alençon, and published a few years before her death, which is... Fitting since it talks about death. I don't have the energy to translate it right now but i might tomorrow if anyone is interested!

There is so much ... So much that can't make it in the text because I love writing lore for the sake of lore ! Let me rattle my brain for something that's pretty fun.

Maybe... Nyhm's entire backstory? They're so old lmao. Nowadays she has the ability to pretty much instantly travel anywhere in the universe, but when she was young, they were just some random Ven'ari from the first galaxy. She was a young adult when the Ven'ari Wars happened, and when the Catastrophe that tore open the universe put a brutal end to it all. She's also the accidental inventor of necromancy on her planet ! It happened from an accident.... With light based healing magic.

Nyhm used to be a pretty good healer, actually, and still has a tattoo that her healer group made to recognize each other. It's blue and can glow when she's using magic in general.

Then she went on to become a dark magic user because it simply seemed to flow easier with the whole necromancy deal - but she knows for a fact that, as magic is a bunch of bullshit, you can make undead with any element. Because of that she happened to be part of the Cool Opposite Element Users Club ! Which is rare because you need to be masterful enough not to explode. Fun times. So even if nowadays she is a dark aligned Guardian... You can still, like, ask her to heal a broken arm. That's a thing she can still do. Although she'll probably recommend you go to an actual doctor and not, uh, Death itself.

Nyhm has seen and done a lot of shit, almost murdered an entire planet for petty revenge, got her ass kicked as a result, and now she's probably a few million years old, no big deal.

This! Wasn't very orderly, I shall elaborate More in the future i think, to give a proper timeline of stuff that happened to her that will not ever be mentioned ! (Mainly because as a kid i worried about Mary Sue stuff, which now I realize is a bunch of bullshit <3, but also I'm not interested in writing her entire crazy backstory as a book or anything lol)

When did I start... I don't really remember. I'd say around middle school ? I started writing stories for fun, maybe when I was 11 or something. We did a lot of collaborative stuff with my younger sister back then ! Those days are gone, but i have some relics that i think of reusing sometimes, like the dogs in Paris story. Bumps, yeah, sometimes I lose all ability to write, and it's frustrating as hell. The fact that I can't seem to finish a single non-fanfic wip is also frustrating at time because I have so many stories to tell and they're all fighting each other so none of them get done !!! But what matters i think is whether or not I'm having fun. And the point of my stories usually is for me to have fun. That's actually why you'll rarely see me go the angst route - i love writing funny shit too much for that most of the time (even if it does happen and is delightful!) I plan on going anywhere i find fun 👀

[mostgeckcellent]

oh, I love these kinds of tag games, thank you @pumpkinspice-prouvaire!

how many works do you have on AO3?

32! dang!

what’s your total AO3 word count?

...237,056. I've only had an AO3 since November, so uh. yeah.

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Just two different ones - Les Mis for most of them, and lately, a few Critical Role one-shots from the Exandria Unlimited series. I have a few others listed on my AO3, but they're all because of fics for les mis being inspired by those works, so I'm not counting those.

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I Love You, Obviously - (derogatory). I don't hate this fic, don't get me wrong, but I put like.... an hour of my life into it, total, it's just a very mass-appeal amnesia premise that people really like for some reason and I almost didn't post because I didn't think it was that good. whoop.

Dance With Me - this one does deserve it, a good old regency fic with lots of drama, it's fun! I like this one too.

Take my Hand - I like this one too! I put a lot of work into it, and it's the second multi-chapter fic I ever wrote. The first one I like to acknowledge lol. Grantaire is an artist, Enjolras is a producer. They make an animated tv show together about dragons and mental health and friendship.

Talk to Me - Oh hey, a critical role one-shot! Dorian and Dariax talk about their dreams. Until they don't. A 5+1 style fic.

Not so Good on my Own - Another critrole fic. Orym and Dariax have a lil chat after the pageant. Cute and wholesome.

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yeah I do! Sometimes not every single one, if someone has left a comment on every chapter of something and I'm getting to them all at once, but I like to answer comments. I like people to know I've read them, I guess, idk. I like to say thank you, at least.

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

The angstiest ending? I hate letting things end on angst note. Oh, but it's gotta be Talk to Me, with dorian/dariax, because that one specifically does end on an angsty moment. It might be the only one. When the Chips are Down is angstier overall though, that's a Hadestown-inspired musical theatre au where Enjolras and Grantaire are going through a rough patch.

do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

oh man sometimes I think I write nothing but crossovers. That's not striiiictly true, but a lot of my fics are at least inspired by other things, ngl. My craziest crossover I'm not gonna link because it's terrible, it's a christmas fic inspired by that silly christmas movie Aaron Tveit was in last year. Instead, I'm gonna link my mamma mia AU which is also Batshit but like. it's mamma mia so it contractually has to be.

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope! And I will delete hate if I ever do get it without an ounce of shame :)

do you write smut? if so what kind?

Yeah technically my Mamma Mia fic has some sex scenes in it. I don't really like writing it though it's awkwardddddd

have you ever had a fic stolen?

lol I don't think so

have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

have you ever co-written a fic before?

I wrote When the Chips are Down with @gemsofthegalaxy (and we've both written one-shots for the series separately), and I helped her also with c'est une surprise, technically, also. I wrote a single scene in her radio AU as well, which is the best fic ever written, so.

what’s your all time favorite ship?

oh no I am the biggest multishipper lol

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

hmmmm I keep telling myself I'm gonna finish my exr infinity train AU, but I keep writing other things first. I do think I will finish it though, someday. It's just long, and I'm currently Deep in it with critical role. Maybe if I finish the fic I'm working on before I get inspiration for another critrole fic...

what are your writing strengths?

oh uh............ idk lol coming up with weird ideas?

what are your writing weaknesses?

proofreading :)))

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

hm... I do it sometimes. only when I actually speak the language at least a little. If it's in someone else's fic, and I need google translate, that's sometimes a pain but I don't mind, really.

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

...........lord of the rings. I wrote a 500 page (yes, I know) fic with my friend when we were like 13. It was a self-insert, two teen girls find themselves in middle earth sort of fic, cringe af but you know what??? we had fun!!! let preteens be cringe lol

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

You know what? My default answer is When the Chips are Down. I stand by that but also Here There be Dragons is good actually, and like 3 people have read it. I worked hard on it, even though it's short. I think it's funny, and sweet, and kinda an underrated fave.

Ok uh... most of my writing friends have already been tagged lol. I'm No Pressure Tagging @backslashdelta, @arsenicandnewlace, and you know what? Hey, @violasarecool, it's been forever, and I see your fic cross my dash every now and then, how're you doing?

thanks for tagging me @arofili for this writer ask meme!

how many works do you have on AO3?

73 (wtf when did that happen)

what’s your total AO3 word count?

531,796

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

ao3 lists 50, but some of these overlap, like me tagging something both “les mis all media types” and “les mis victor hugo”. so probably around 36?

The top fandoms are Les Mis, Fullmetal Alchemist, Bartimaeus, and The Adventure Zone

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Reunion –the Untamed from Lan Sizhui’s pov

Angus McDonald and the Case of the Soul Stealer –taz fic sort of modern with magic au (also my first long fic and probably the fic with the most plot, i am very proud of it)

Wanting to Be Wanted – fma fic, 5 times Greed didn’t realize he cared about people and 1 time he did

what if the real steel samurai fandom was the friends we made along the way – ace attorney characters in the steel samurai fandom from an outside pov (i only started posting this a bit over 2 months ago, so i’m kind of impressed)

Better Than Nothing – Magnus Chase, Alex Fierro has gender feelings and receives a gift (this fic is really the one where i have zero idea why it is as popular as it is)

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yeah! I like it when authors respond to my comments, so I try to at least say “thanks!” If someone leaves a more detailed comment, it’s fun being able to respond to the things they say and talk about any sort of ‘behind the scenes’ writing things

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I’m honestly not sure? I think even my angstiest fics have at least somewhat hopeful endings. There’s probably 5 or so I could choose from, but most of them were written a long time ago, I’m going to say Sing Tomorrow’s Song because even though the ending isn’t too angsty compared to the rest of the fic, it is about Grantaire being seduced by the personification of Death as a semi-metaphor for him dealing with depression, so it’s not exactly cheery

do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Yes! I love crossovers, though I don’t write them as much as I read them. Probably the weirdest two fandoms to crossover was Les Mis and the Beka Cooper series because me and my cowriter just sort of stuck France in the middle of the Tortall universe and didn’t question it

have you ever received hate on a fic?

A couple times, but the only one I remember was when someone didn’t like me writing Enjolras as a trans man

do you write smut? if so what kind?

Hah nope I’ll read it but as of right now I’m aroace enough that I’m barely comfortable with writing kissing

have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t believe so

have you ever had a fic translated?

One of my first fics was translated into Russian on ffn, Tricksters Running. (It’s sort of a weird character study on the Doctor from Doctor Who and Gabriel from Supernatural, and despite me writing it at the age of 14 it’s not terrible? younger me was better at poetic writing than current me)

have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah, with @arofili !

what’s your all time favorite ship?

Uhhh this is hard. The ship that took up my brain for the longest time is Enjolras/Grantaire, and currently my favorite ship is Phoenix Wright/Edgeworth

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Well there’s a Lucifer au of fma that i wrote like 70k words of and hyped up to all my friends but never started posting and honestly at this point I don’t think I ever will.

For things that I started posting, A Home Beyond the What Ifs about Eponine/Cosette in Japan. I do like it, and I have a couple scenes of the next chapter written out, but I also have no motivation to actually work on it

what are your writing strengths?

Honestly? No clue, but not plot. Dialogue maybe?

what are your writing weaknesses?

Probably plot. I can sometimes come up with one, but most of my fics are just a series of loosely interconnected interactions it feels like

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Generally I don’t with a few exceptions.

If the pov character doesn’t understand what is being said, I’ll sometimes write that bit of dialogue out in whatever other language it is in to sort of add to the experience (since I assume most readers would not be able to understand it either, and those who do will be delighted)

If the language is Japanese and characters mostly speak English, I also have the dialogue be in Japanese sometimes since that is the language I actually know well enough to be reasonably confident in writing it. I would not write a full conversation in Japanese or anything, but if they’re switching between two languages then I’ll write it out in the languages it’s supposed to be in (for other languages I would usually just say “xxx” they said in y language, or italicize it if they switch between two languages enough).

Lastly, if the fic is about language then I might also do that because that’s sort of the whole point of the fic (which mostly overlaps with at least one of the above, but I have a fic in my drafts where 2 sentences don’t fit the above exceptions, so i figured i’d include this)

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Technically it was a Les Mis/Beka Cooper crossover. The first fic I posted that I wrote all by myself was a Supernatural/Doctor Who crossover. Which honestly sums up my interests as a 13-14yo pretty well I feel

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

…this is so hard

I’m going to say Truth, In the Eye of the Beholder (40k study on sharing a body from the pov of Ling Yao) because I genuinely had so much fun working on it, and I’m extremely proud of how it turned out. Definitely one if the fics I put more effort into than normal, and wrangling character arcs into place was hard, but I think it was worth the effort

I tag @micamicster @shadowy-dumbo-octopus @aromantic-enjolras @queerfandommiscellany, if you want to!