#i'm not super offended they were mostly posting things i wasn't into and we never actually talked but like. Rude.

[sealeneee]

person i used to follow blocked me. 11 dead 36 injured

[snickerdoodlles]

finally posting some background notes for red line fic under the cut !! i meant to do this [checks wrist] an embarrassingly long time ago, except i get shy talking about my writing hjgfjhfj. so!! reading thru red line here and dumping out some thoughts as we go!! for @the-cookie-of-doom <333

red line started with this post. (me, every time i say i'm not going to write something: *grabs clown nose*) i wanted a fic where Chay watched Kim fight because 1) Chay deserves this, ep14 bar fight my BELOVED, but also 2) Kim's put a lot of effort into sectioning parts of his life off from each other, so it's SUPER FUN from a writing perspective to throw them all together and watch him flounder.

planning out red line, it was either going to be Kim pov if it was pre-mafia reveal, or Chay pov post-reveal. both of which are really fun!! but i wound up going for a pre-reveal scenario mostly because this was supposed to be sHORT and a Chay pov didn't feel right without a reconciliation or a lot of setup otherwise. so Kim pov it was! then it was a little bit of rolling ideas around for why goons would be present period. i landed on Arthee's fuck-ups causing problems before Chay's first kidnapping mostly because i didn't want too many guns involved (there was just. no way Kim could've easily protected Chay in that without sending him away for real, which defeats the purpose) but i wound up really loving that premise and committing for a few other reasons:

Kim never brought any of the mafia into Chay's life in canon. all of the mafia bullshit Chay gets dragged thru is related to his own family being involved in the mafia (none of which Chay knows about!), which is very crunchy to me.

loan sharks breaking down Chay's door was his normal. like. i feel like this goes largely ignored by a lot of fandom, but Chay's normal is gang thugs destroying his stuff and him needing to patch up his loved ones. the fucking things that does to a kid.

i just really like Arthee as a plot device. he kinda got left off to the side by canon (which!! fair!! they were juggling a lot of balls there and i'm glad they dropped him in favor of other characters/plots), but you can also see how much i loved the "Chay gets kidnapped because of Arthee's debts" kimchay premises from the early fic days in here XD

writing Kim and Chay in a Tutoring Session, No Really, It Looks Like A Date But This Is Tutoring Honest date was ridiculously fun. i love putting boys in situations. but i also just??? really like them being friends??? well, flirty friends here, but it's so important to me how much Kim and Chay just like spending time together. they're two very lonely boys and i'm very happy they found each other <333

also, Kim telling himself he's not flirting while flirting and encouraging Chay to flirt with him. disaster boy <33333

i spent probably a silly amount of time thinking about what weapons to give Kim (originally, i wasn't going to give him any). i didn't want it to be knives because while that's very hot of him, knife fights are…very, very rough. far more like that one mission impossible movie than elliot from leverage or literally any other movie knife fight, and while patching up knife fight wounds is excellent, i already have that for a different WIP. i also just don't see Kim carrying outright weapons in with his university gear? maybe his first year, but not at the end of it, too much risk for things to go badly. hence, mace and brass knuckles-- the mace is one of those little keychain mace things you can buy in a pack (Kim's was a gift from a friend nearly a year prior, he was very startled and very confused by the offering lol). he got brass knuckles because i think Kim is all for something that helps minimize how hard/often he has to punch someone, but mainly because when i was looking at the keychain mace, i remembered those stupid 3D-printed keychain brass knuckles things also existed and amused myself thinking about how much they'd offend Kim. thanks to that thought train, Kim got a proper set to better break a dude's nose <3

Chay and Kim trying to shove the other behind them as the loan shark's thugs break down Chay's door still makes me laugh. i'm easy to please like that, i love that meme y'all.

Kim's running commentary on how stupid Gold Jim is was SO MUCH FUN to write. i like that Kim's irritation making Gold Jim comical didn't take away from how threatening the situation was either? like, obviously, it was less intense, that was the point, but i'm still really happy with how serious Kim feels through all of this because there is danger in the fact the idiots are looking for a fight, even if they haven't realized how outclassed they are yet.

also, i just really like the level of Kim's violence in his head. i like that it's just a stream of conscious he's not putting a lot of thought into. i just don't see Kim's relationship with violence as being a dramatic thing-- it's just that Kim's first thought any time he sees someone is how to break them, just incase.

Kim naming the thugs One thru Five was 100% for my writing convenience, i am SO delighted people loved that for him XD

Chay hitting a thug with the frying pan for interrupting his date was the first thing i knew would happen in this fic. Chay deserved to hit at least one(1) person with a frying pan in canon, so he got to do it twice here. Kim is DESPERATELY trying not to swoon, he's going to be so horny about this after the shock of everything wears off.

man, i cried a lot thru writing the action for this scene, but i'm really satisfied with how it came out actually!! WORTH IT

i am still ridiculously tickled by this particular "Oh" / Oh moment. KimChay making hearteyes at each other while the goons feel superfluous my beloved <333

Kim making a hot grunt sound while manhandling a guy twice his size into position for Chay to whack with his pan is going to fuel conservatively 83% of Chay's spank bank fantasies from here on btws.

writing Kim tell Gold Jim who he is was so much fun.

in that line of thought, if Kinn ever learned Kim threatened some thug with his name, he'd beam like a puppy. doubly-so if he realized the specific wording Kim used. his metaphorical tail would be wagging up a hurricane if he ever realized how much Kim associates him with safety and protection.

also very fun to me was Kim accidentally calling Chay his boyfriend and immediately swallowing his tongue about it. i didn't plan that, it just fell out of my brain like it did Kim's mouth and i went "okay!! we'll roll with this!!!"

"is the safety on" was Chay holding himself back by the barest skin of his teeth. he is going to get his mouth on Kim asap but he is NOT going to let some stupid emergency room trip ruin their first kiss. meanwhile, Kim's about to enter an angst spiral, lmao. (in my head, there's a dent in the floorboards from where Chay threw his frying pan away. it's amazing it didn't shock them out of their kiss, but Chay is not to be deterred dammit!!)

u all know me and how much i love my kiss fic, but ending this one with Chay having an adrenaline crash was delightful to write, i'm gonna need to do this more often XD Chay's 100% of the mindset he's either going to be horny or cry, and he'd much prefer to be kissed, tyvm!! unfortunately for him, i prefer tears. also, Kim keeps trying to use his mouth for pesky things like words, it is very unproductive towards Chay's current goal >:T

speaking of Chay's wild emotions-- i very much do not see Chay liking violence for violence's sake. he's had enough of people throwing their weight around him for a lifetime. he does, however, have the biggest thing for a hot boy coming to protect him, esp if the boy is Wik shaped. don't tell me Wik was part of Chay's gay revelation and tell me he DIDN'T have so many fantasies of Wik protecting him from the shitty loan sharks.

that said tho! reality =/= fantasy. Chay was terrified Kim was going to get hurt because of him, half his adrenaline crash was just worry for Kim :(

i'm not sure what to say about this next bit transitioning to the ending of this fic except that it was definitely the trickiest and the longest to write. Chay's drilling Kim for answers because Porsche has been absent for months, but Chay's not upset with Kim. (Kim's the one here with him! he's the one answering Chay's questions!) i wrote myself into a corner a few times with dialogue that was too accusatory for what i wanted. but also, this was the part when i was like "oh!! i know what the summary should be!!" because six thugs have nothing on the intimidation factor of Chay Has Questions XD

Kim saying he can go and Chay going "why tho????" made me laugh out loud writing this. i love Chay's terrible priorities so much. you will never be able to convince me that Chay wasn't 100% ready to accept Kim as part of the mafia so long as Kim cared about him, this boy is so ride-or-die for his whole two(2) important people. Kim trying to convince mr. obstinate he doesn't want him is even more futile than Kim trying to deny himself what he wants. esp as Chay calls Kim out for all his flirting <3

on a more serious note tho, i really like how Chay comes across during this part of the story. it's kinda like Kim's violence thing-- i see the core of Chay being very, very lonely. he really only has his brother in the world, who's not able to be home too much due to circumstance, and now isn't home at all. and then here comes Kim, reaching out to Chay and asking all about him and just plain being a friend to him-- of course Chay latched on. of course he's going to cling if he thinks Kim likes him back. he's too lonely not to.

Kim's little whispered "stay" was my driving force every time i got stuck on this fic, i love when Kim tries to tell himself all the reasons he's not allowed to want something and then ask for it anyways. that's what we in the business call character growth XD

to wrap up this very messy fic ramble, some lines i really, really love in this fic:

Kim's never wished for a gun before. Kim doesn’t like guns. They’re too fast. Too clean.

hehehe

Gold Jim chuckles menacingly. It’s like he’s following a theatre script. Kim’s going to break every bone in his body before he sets him on fire and applauds.

i'm not sure if anyone noticed??? but the specific items of torture are based on theatre/performance idioms-- "break a leg" and "you're on fire"-- hence Kim applauding at the end.

Kim reminding himself not to scare Chay by killing the idiots, light maiming ONLY

cleaning up blood is so annoying, anyone with a period can concur 😭

Chay stands over Three, wielding a frying pan with two hands and looking just as surprised with himself as the rest of them.

i'm just. so, so fond for the image of Chay staring with complete surprise between his frying pan and a guy he just gave a concussion. he just did that! he just did that???

“How’s that going for you?” Chay asks, warm and soft where he’s still pressed up against Kim, “Felt a lot like tutoring to me.”

listen. LISTEN. Kim's investiagation excuses to hang out with a cute boy he likes are so cute. Chay agrees with me. we are both so correct for this. Chay's going to tease Kim so much about this but also encourage it past this point, he loves Kim being obsessed with him too <3

[l0velyrand0m]

Old Soul - The First Avenger

Third chapter, here we go.

I've gotten a reblog and a few likes, so I figured the third chapter was in order. Maybe theres people actually enjoying this, yknow?

As always: The full story in it's entirety is on Wattpad (l0velyrand0m) and there may or may not be a second book in the works? This is all mostly for my enjoyment, there's no demand or anything, I'm just addicted to fictional men punching people.

The prior chapters are on my blog, the first chapter is pinned and the second chapter was posted not too long ago.

"Faster, ladies! Come on! My grandmother has more life in her, God rest her soul!" Peggy shouted at the soldiers lined up doing push ups on the ground. Eliza watched and observed the men. Erskine had given her the task of watching out for the "least fit" in the group. No idea why, but she was sure it was her brother. Until she overheard Phillips.

"You're not seriously thinking about picking Rogers, are you?" the Colonel asked the doctor next to him, who simply nodded.

"I am more than just thinking about it. He is the clear choice. I'm hoping our Nurse friend over there agrees," Erskine replies. Eliza was thoroughly confused.

"When you brought a ninety-pound asthmatic onto my Army base, I let it slide. I thought, what the hell? Maybe he'd be useful to you, like a gerbil," Colonel Phillips explained. Somehow him referring to her brother as a "gerbil" made Eliza almost offended for him. "I never thought you'd pick him."

Eliza walked over to the two men and joined the conversation. "Gentlemen," she greeted. Erskine offered her a small smile.

"Up," Peggy commanded the boys once she saw Erskine, Phillips and Eliza gathered together.

"Doctor Erskine, forgive me," Eliza began. "What is the Super Soldier breed exactly?"

"A Super Soldier is a highly advanced superhuman, given abilities from a serum I invented. It's highly intuitive - made to make the weakest man stronger. But it only amplifies what's already there. Give the serum to the wrong person, and you've just made them more of themselves." Erskine's explanation made Eliza nearly sick to her stomach. She wasn't entirely convinced that Steve would survive such a thing. "Rogers is a perfect candidate. Determined, clever. The serum will do him well."

"You stick a needle in that kid's arm and it's gonna go right through him!" Phillips exclaimed. Eliza almost wanted to agree.

They glanced over to the recruits scurrying to straighten up at Peggy's command.

"Look at that. He's making me cry," Phillips scoffed.

"I am looking for qualities beyond the physical," Erskine says. Eliza was starting to dislike his philosophical speeches.

"Do you know how long it took to set up this project?"

"Yeah, I know."

"All the grovelling I had to do in front of Senator What's-His-Name's committees?"

"Brandt," Erskine corrected. "Yes, I know. I am well aware of your efforts."

"Then throw me a bone. Hodge passed every test we gave him," Phillips says. Eliza wrinkled her nose. She didn't want to have to work with Hodge anymore than she already had to. "He's big, he's fast, he obeys orders. He's a soldier."

"He's a bully," Erskine corrected Phillips again.

"You don't win wars with niceness, Doctor." Phillips reached into his pocket and pulled out a hand grenade. "You win wars with guts."

Phillips threw the grenade into the area where the men were training. "Grenade!" and all the men scattered.

Except for Steve.

Steve jumped on the bomb and covered it with his body. Eliza's heart dropped. Peggy stood wide eyed at the boy.

"Get away! Get back!" Steve yelled. He waited for the bomb to go off, but nothing ever happened.

"It was a dummy grenade." Eliza whispered, and looked to Phillips.

"All clear! Back in formation." an officer waved all of them back into line.

"Is this a test?" Steve asked, peering up at Erskine, Phillips and Eliza.

"He's still skinny."

•••

Eliza laid silently on her bunk. She couldn't believe the nerve of Steve earlier. But at the same time... she was astonished. Proud, even. That her brother would think to do that. Suddenly she understood what Erskine meant about choosing Steve over Hodge. Whatever was in the serum wasn't just enhancing the physcial stuff. It would enhance him mentally, too.

A knock at her door drew her attention back.

"It's just me, are you decent?" Steve asked from the other side of the door.

"Decently mad at you, sure," Eliza remarked. Steve sighed. "Yes. It's fine if you come in."

The door opened to reveal her twin brother. She wanted to question how he got over here in the first place, but then she noticed Erskine behind him and assumed the german doctor had something to do with his arrival.

"You have five minutes, then you must return to your barracks. I need to speak with Miss Rogers as well."

Steve nodded and closed the door. "Look, Liza, I never meant to piss you off this bad, I just-"

"You saw an opportunity and you took it. I understand. How do you think I'm here, Steve?"

He smiled slightly. "I'm sorry for being such a jerk, and not listening to you when you were only trying to protect me."

"I should've realised you didn't need protecting. You're not a 16 year old kid in Brooklyn anymore. You're grown up. And I'm proud of you."

Her words sent a stab of remorse through Steve's heart. The words, coming from her, meant the world to him. But he was only recieving them because he made her feel like the bad guy for doing the right thing.

"Thank you, Eliza. I'm proud of you too."

"Five minutes are up, Steven," Erskine said, opening the door. "Say your goodnight and goodbye so I may speak with her."

"Bye, Elizabeth, have a good night."

"You too, Steve," she said, watching him walk out the door.

"Miss Rogers, it's come to my attention that Steven is your twin brother?"

"Yes, sir."

"You've had a knack for taking care of him. So I have a promotion for you once our project starts. You'll be his personal aid. I'll teach you everything I know about the side effects of the serum and what to watch out for starting tomorrow. Are you interested?"

•••

"I know this neighborhood," Steve wonders, looking out the window of the car. "I got beat up in that alley. And that parking lot. And behind that diner."

Peggy stared at him cluelessly. "Did you have something against running away?"

"Yes. Yes, he did," Eliza chimed in.

"You start running, they'll never let you stop. You stand up, push back. Can't say no forever, right?" Steve pondered. Peggy's expression changed from confused to curious.

"I know a little of what that's like. To have every door shut in your face."

Eliza nodded. "It's annoying."

"I guess I don't know why you'd wanna join the army if you're a beautiful dame," Steve wondered aloud. Peggy raised a brow at him, and Eliza looked over with a look of "what the hell". Steve immediately tried to recover. "Or a beautiful... a woman. An Agent! Not a dame. I mean you are beautiful but-"

"Please, for the love of God, shut up, Steve," Eliza groaned.

"You have no idea how to talk to a woman, do you?" Peggy snickered.

"This is the longest conversation I've had with one. Woman aren't exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on," he shrugged.

"You must have danced?"

"Well asking a woman to dance always seems so terrifying. And the past few years didn't seem to matter that much. Figured I'd wait."

"For what?"

"The right partner."

The car pulled up by an antiques shop. Peggy and Eliza exited the car, Steve trailing behind, completely clueless. Eliza was too, but she trusted Peggy enough to follow her without question.

"This way," Peggy instructs him.

"What are we doing here?" Steve asked.

Peggy smirked. "Follow me," she says, guiding Eliza and Steve into the shop.

"Wonderful weather this morning, isn't it?" the shop owner asks Peggy.

"Yes, but I always carry my umbrella."

The shop owner nods, and Peggy leads the twins to a basement. It opens up into a large circular laboratory. Erskine's team was huddled around the center and around different machines. Steve was lead to the center of the room, however, where a pod was fixed in the floor.

"Good morning!" Erskine greeted the twins happily. He takes Steve's hand and shakes it as someone takes a picture. Eliza hated being in pictures. Something about people seeing her long after she was gone, and there was nothing she could do to tell them not to look. She didn't like that sort of thing. "Please, not now," Erskine shooed the photographer away. Steve looked at the pod curiously.

"Are you ready?" Eliza asked him. Steve only nodded.

"Good! Take off your shirt," Erskine instructed him. Steve did so, and climbed into the pod, laying down on a table. "Elizabeth, go assist Mr Stark, please."

"Yes, sir," Eliza nodded. She walked over to the man, and then it hit her who Stark was. Howard Stark. The genius inventor. "Mister Stark, my pleasure."

Howard turned around to look at her, a smile falling on his face. "You must be Elizabeth Rogers."

"How'd you know that?"

"Erskine was talking you up earlier. Apparently you're a really good nurse?" he comments with a smile.

"Well, I don't like to brag," she shrugged. "But I wouldn't mind the compliment."

"Mister Stark, how are your levels?" Erskine shouted across the room.

"Levels at one hundred percent," he answered. "So is that your brother? Steven?"

"Good!" Erskine replied.

"Yeah, my twin," she answered.

"Interesting. The twin sister of a super soldier, huh? How weird has that gotta be?"

"It's not quite set in yet. He's still gonna be a twig in my mind forever."

"Hope you didn't pick on him when you were younger," Howard smiled. Eliza recalled her mother's sayings, not to pick on him because one day he'll be bigger than her. Though she wasn't sold on it, and she definitely wasn't ready for that to be the case artificially. "We may dim half the lights in Brooklyn, but we're as ready as we'll ever be."

"Elizabeth! Come here!"

"Gotta run, Stark. Nice conversation."

"Yeah.. Yeah let's do this again sometime. Maybe under different circumstances?"

"Maybe."

"How do you like your coffee?"

"Elizabeth!"

"Cream and extra sugar."

Eliza ran off back to the table where her brother lay. Erskine handed her a needle, of what she assumed to be penicillin. "Inject him with this, then come back with me."

"Hey, Steve," Eliza said calmly as she walked over with the needle. "I'm here to inject you with the euthanasia."

His eyes went big before he realised she was joking. "Oh, haha."

She squeezed his skin gently and gave him the shot.

"That wasn't so bad," he said softly.

"That was penicillin."

Steve's mouth formed an "o" as she took the needle away and Erskine came back to his side.

"Serum infusion beginning in five, four, three, two, one," Erskine counted. Eliza wished she could hide in the viewing room with Peggy and Phillips. But here she was. Watching her brother and best friend get experimented on. Steve winced as the serum was injected into him. "Now, Mister Stark."

Howard pulled a lever, and Steve was upright in the pod as the doors closed. Eliza wandered back over to Mister Stark's side as he amps the procedure.

"That's ten percent," he informed Erskine, but pointed it out to Eliza. "Twenty percent. Thirty."

Eliza could start to hear Steve's pained screams as the vita rays transformed his body. She lowered her head slightly and watched the numbers raise with intent on focusing more on Howard's numbers than Steve.

She had focused so hard, that she blocked out all the noise in the room until she heard Steve yell in response to the scientist. "No don't! I can do this."

"Eighty. Ninety. That's one hundred percent."

The power in the lab overloaded, and Stark rushed to open up the pod and get Steve out. Eliza's breaths were shallow as she waited to see what happened to her brother.

Suddenly everyone came rushing out of the observation room and into the lab. She steeled herself and turned her head to look at her brother.

She was shocked. Steven Rogers was now the first successful Super Solider.

[jiminsass-istant]

https://www.tumblr.com/jiminsass-istant/738577848968871936/jimins-hype-boy-i-often-think-about-the-festa

I get what you're saying about those examples where jk usually praises jm even if others say they didn't like it but i think regarding his solo music he usually seeks namjoon's advice mostly.

Jimin didn't exactly sent songs to hobi, hobi heard some one or two songs from jm's album when he was at the company (hobi said it himself that he didn't heard the whole album but just one or two songs).

We all know jm is shy when it comes to showing his work to others (memebrs has said it multiple times) but this time jm actually asked all of them to come and see him work but no one went, hobi also heard it Cause he was present there (again jihope said it themselves during festa dinner). So i don't get why jungkook was upset (of course not like super upset over it but the way he made jm say sorry seems like he genuinely expected jm to show him his songs) cause jm asked all of them to come but he himself didn't go.

Jimin also told us that he had taken vocal lessons from jungkook many times so why would jk not tell jm what things are not right when he must have done that when he gave jm vocal lessons (be it for small time even). Why would he not say it when he must have done it already?

I always see jm seeking RM's advice mostly regarding songs lyrics.

As I said in my last post, it's just a 💫 theory. Not hard facts.

But thanks for refreshing my memory. The way you said jm asked them to come and see his work but nobody came, makes it sound so fucking sad. (bby Jimin, I'll fight for you) But I'm sure he must have just mentioned it in passing that if they wanted to, they could come and have a listen. The only person he actually seeked feedback from was RM. And jhope himself must have taken the initiative to want to listen, even if they were at the same place. Pretty sure it was an open invite from jimin. He wasn't sitting in his studio waiting for members to arrive.

Jungkook was upset because you know how he is. He's okay but he doesn't like to be left out. And this is jimin we are talking about. He was just a little faux offended that hobi got to hear his music first. It was kinda obvious.

Speaking of criticism. Vocal lessons are a completely different thing. It's not a subjective topic. You either get better or you don't. You either sound better or you sound the same. Feedback on vocals won't have you questioning your 'art'. And I remember this from Burn the Stage, jungkook mentions that even though jm seeks advice from him, jk admits that his and jimin's vocal styles are very different. Idk about now, but back then, jk may not have been that helpful. But i get it, they even stay back to rehearse together, so surely they help each other out.

When it comes to creative stuff, like creating music, writing lyrics, the feedback can feel personal. If you are someone close to them, you have to be super careful while criticising. The way RM did it was honest, yet assertive. And Jimin had actively seeked out his advice.

You are right too when you imply that jimin seeked out RM and not jungkook's advice for his songs because RM has far more expertise and experience when it comes to songwriting.

But imagine if jm actually asked jungkook for feedback. Just think. Would he be able to be as assertive as RM? Would he even trust himself with the experience he has? And would he want Jimin to reconsider his entire album's message and lyrics?( Full credit to Jimin for his excellent pen) Would he be able to see Jimin's face wilt as he gives some harsh feedback? (And this is not me romanticising, JK is weak to sad/pouty jimin, whatever they are) Who else could be as straightforward as RM? Maybe only Suga.

Jungkook never misses a chance to praise jimin for his hardwork. When he watched SMF pt 2 on wlive, you remember how jk specifically said that verse 2 was 'his style' and he specifically liked that part, stressing on it. Verse 2 was receiving the most hate online. I'm not entirely sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if JK did that to shut down haters. I'm sure he actually likes it too, because doesn't it say "shut up, fuck off, I'm on my way"? Way to send a message.

As far as we know, jm never asked for jk's contribution to the album, except for letter's adlibs. Not for vocal advice either.

My whole post was to think out loud about " even though jikook are so close as we all know, why did jimin not actively seek out jungkook's feedback?" That's all.

It's all hypothesis. Chill.