#i'm not saying there's a way to fix it. but by choosing to partake in this game you're choosing to die by the game

[pinejay]

cheng xin's failure to press the button doesn't represent the inherent weakness in caring about others. imo it's to demonstrate that the dark forest deterrence was doomed from the start. the whole concept is like, the dark forest only exists because every creature in the forest chooses to treat others as the enemy to be destroyed as the price of your personal survival. the entire universe had to be rebooted bc all civilizations chose to destroy each other until all dimensions were flattened to nothing. it's simply an unsustainable mode of living. humanity vs trisolarans mutual destruction scenario was just a micro problem inside the macro problem. u can't prevent total annihilation by threatening total annihilation bc eventually something will cause your tenuous peace to break down and u will totally annihilate each other.

[littlemissfiore]

Cigarettes out the Window. | Vinsmoke Sanji x fem! Reader

summary: sanji falls in love with a woman he truly loves, but faith does not grant him such luck. obligated by his family to go through an arranged marriage he does not want to partake in. sanji has to decide which path in life he wants to take.

tags: modern au!, doctor!reader, friends-to-lovers, sanji's pov, horrible family dynamics, mentions of sex, spoilers to WCI arc, no use of [y/n], angst

note: if you can read this, it means this fanfic made it out of the draft hell. it's kinda long too, was going full novel mode, chopper also doesn't exist in this au (sorry), i wanted to put my own spin on the WCI arc but if it were set in modern au, hopefully it goes well, you can also imagine this as a la!op Sanji

The Baratie was full compared to other nights. Like, god awfully full, was there some sort of special event going on? Sanji didn't know nor did he have the time to ponder something so trivial. He had tables to serve and Zeff was already losing his mind in the kitchen in desperate need of Sanji.

He took a long inhale from his cigarette before heading back inside the restaurant. Throwing it and stomping it on the ground, first clearing his throat before letting out a cough.

Shit. When was the last time he had visited a doctor? All that smoking was not good for him, Sanji knew that. Although, he could care less, fixing his posture and tie before heading back inside the Baratie.

"Where the hell is Sanji!?" yelled Zeff, smacking the kitchen counters. Sanji's footsteps were heard amongst the sizzling and loud noises in the kitchen. "Well I'll be damned, look who decided to make an appearance."

Sanji scoffs. "Decided to take a small break," he responds, picking up his blazer from the rack and putting it on. "Y'know, since I'm not allowed in the kitchen."

"You most definitely won't after this," Zeff states, even though this was not the first time Sanji heard this. "Now, get out there and serve some customers! You're holding us back!"

Usually, Sanji and Zeff would argue and go back and forth. It was tedious, but no matter how many times he tried standing up for himself. That old man would refuse to have him help out in the kitchen. Tonight, Sanji begrudgingly chooses to keep his mouth shut and head out to serve customers.

The Baratie was full, more so than other nights. It was going to be one hellish night for Sanji and the rest of the cooking crew, he was sure of it. Foolish of him to think he would be able to get out early and spend the rest of his night with his friends. Sanji made his rounds around the restaurant, making sure the guests felt comfortable and satisfied.

Everything seemed to be going okay-wait-did his eyes betray him? No. A beautiful lady sitting all by herself? Impossible!

Leaving a beautiful lady all on her own in a big restaurant like the Baratie should be a crime. Sanji watched as she looked everywhere in the restaurant, probably waiting for her date to arrive. She didn't look nervous, but one would be foolish enough to not see the obvious disappointment plastered all over her face.

Make all the guests feel welcomed and comfortable at the Baratie, thought Sanji as he made his way to the lady.

"M'lady," started Sanji. You did a little jump on your seat, surprised by the sudden appearance of the waiter. You turned around to look at him with big wide eyes, expecting him to say something. Cute, was all Sanji could think at the moment. "I'm sorry for startling you, have you decided what you would like to have for the night?"

You shook your head weakly, "No," you responded, looking down at the menu. "I'm waiting for my date but he hasn't arrived yet. Looks like I'll have to eat alone..."

Sanji was baffled. That's the only way he could describe what he was feeling right now. What kind of man left a woman alone in a restaurant, especially on a date.

"A gorgeous woman such as yourself shouldn't be eating alone," stated Sanji, a sly smirk lingering on his lips. Your date might have passed off his chance with you, but he certainly wasn't going to.

Your stare lingered before realizing he was complimenting you. You felt your face grow hot, your eyes immediately glued on the menu to avoid his stare. "Oh..! Um... Thank you!" you responded, shyly. You closed the menu and set it down on the table in front of you, turning to look at the waiter. "But I'll just have a glass of water. I don't think I'll be eating anything tonight."

Nonsense, thought Sanji. "A beautiful lady like yourself should enjoy our very best!" Sanji stated, proudly. How funny, Sanji would always complain about Baratie. Now, here he is, trying to give the best impression he can of the restaurant. You didn't seem entirely convinced, just absentmindedly staring at him. "On the house."

You smiled. "You're doing a lot more for me than my date," you gesture towards the other seat that was empty.

"And let a lovely lady like yourself be all alone tonight? Never," flirted Sanji, making you flustered. You chuckled shyly, he could tell his compliments made you feel giddy.

Before you could continue the conversation, out of the corner of his eye, Sanji could see Zeff glaring at him from a distance. While his chivalry was not a problem, the amount of time he wasted swooning over women cost the restaurant time and money.

Are we paying you to tend to customers or flirt with women?! Sanji could already hear that old man yelling at him. Before you could continue with your conversation, he fixed his blazer.

"I'm sorry, madam," started Sanji. "I have to tend to the other customers but I promise you I will be right back."

All you could do was giggle and nod your head. "Alright!" you gave him a smile before he walked off. Sanji walked past Zeff, expecting him to berate him but he just felt his gaze follow him all the way to the kitchen.

Tch! That old man was always on his ass. How could Zeff not see he was tending to a beautiful lady who's date didn't bother to show up last minute. Of course, how would he know? He's never had a wife. Sanji just needed to take these plates out to their respective tables, then, he could talk to the beautiful lady sitting by herself.

Yet, when he stepped out of the kitchen, you were no longer there. Maybe you were in the bathroom, fixing your makeup. Could you have possibly been crying? No, Sanji shakes his head. The sooner he can serve the plates, the sooner he can check up on you. You still needed your glass of water!

After he finished making his rounds, Sanji made his way to your table. He had a glass of water on his hand, setting it down on the table. You were nowhere to be found, the only thing left on the table was the menu and a folded twenty dollar bill.

Oh, you were gone.

Sanji frowned. It broke his heart to think a beautiful lady like yourself would leave out of embarrassment. It did not help that you were surrounded by people around you who had dates or friends accompanying them. What a shame, he truly wished he would have made your night.

Sanji's cough was getting worse by the day. He tried holding on for as long as he could but, alas, he succumbed to his sickness.

"Good, don't come back 'til that nasty cold of yours is gone," Zeff stated simply. Of course, he of all people would say that. Sanji felt like he could hear the man thanking the heavens from the other side of the phone. "Check with a doctor, is probably all that smoking you do."

"I'm fine," Sanji said through gritted teeth before letting out a horrible cough.

"Check yourself, boy!" yelled Zeff through the phone. "I will not allow you back into Baratie if you do not get better. So get off your lazy ass and go see a bloody doctor."

"Even outside of work, you love to order me around," spat Sanji, glaring down at his phone. "Fine! I'll get it checked out, you can stop complaining."

"Fine!" was the last thing Zeff said before hanging up.

That old man, always thinking he could intrude not only at work but in his personal life as well. Sanji coughed, holding his chest to try and ease the pain. He hadn't been to the doctor in a while, maybe he did need to check himself out.

Bzzt!

Sanji stared at his screen, reading off the text message.

Reiju Father wants to talk to you read 2:30

Sanji chose to ignore the message sent by his sister, there was no way she could convince him to talk to his father. After all these years, he wants to talk to him? After he kicked him out of his house and disowned him.

Sanji shook his head, a desperate attempt to shake off all the bad thoughts that started to crawl in his head. There was no use thinking about his old life, he was happier now. With friends who cared about him, even old man Zeff cared about Sanji in his own way.

Sanji lets out another horrible cough, man, was he feeling shitty. There was no use beating around the bush, he needed someone to take care of him. What better person to do that than the woman he trusts the most, Nami.

Sanji Nami~ I'm sick. Your presence would help me feel better ! ❤️

"Nami!" exclaimed Sanji, swinging his door wide open. He was excited to have alone time with a beautiful woman such as Nami. What else could he ask for? "And, Usopp."

Sanji frowns. "Don't get too excited to see me now," stated Usopp, holding his arms up in the air. "She told me to accompany her."

"I figured you needed more than just my company, Sanji," smirked Nami, making her way to his fridge and rummaging through it. She grabbed the first beer she could find, popping the cap off with the handle of the fridge. Oh, Nami! The woman that you are. "Ah! This tastes great! Good thing you're driving Usopp."

"What!" cried Usopp, glaring at the red-head. "Is this why you brought me all along!?"

Nami pressed her lips together. "Hmm... maybe!" she responded back, shamelessly. "You look like you went through hell, Sanji."

Sanji cleared his throat, forcing a smile for Nami even if his body felt like it was giving out on him. "You look as beautiful as ever, Nami."

"Have you ever visited a doctor yet?" asked Usopp, folding his arms. Sanji faces his friend, his blank expression giving Usopp a clear answer. "Now, that's why, you have not gotten better."

"How long has it been since you've seen a doctor?" asked Nami, sitting on Sanji's couch.

"It's... been a while," Sanji said, through gritted teeth.

"You're definitely gonna be the first one to go out of all of us," joked Usopp, earning a nasty glare from his blonde friend.

"Men..." sighed Nami, pulling out her phone. "Lucky for me, I have my own doctor. Free of charge!"

"Who?" asked Usopp, now sitting next to Nami.

It was almost as if Usopp was the one who needed to go to the doctor's office.

"I'm not saying!" Nami stuck out her tongue before chuckling. She turned to Sanji, acknowledging his presence. "She's cool, she can probably fix you up! She owes me a favor, anyway."

Sanji chuckled, heading to the kitchen to fix up a small snack for his friends. "You don't have to do all that for me, darling," he said, smiling. "I can manage."

Following right after was a string of long horrible coughs coming from Sanji. What a pain, it was unbearable he had to use the kitchen counter for support. Nami and Usopp look over at him from the couch before heading up to Sanji and leading him to bed.

"Yeah, I'm definitely calling her," grunts Nami. "This will cost you! You better feed me well once your health improves!"

Nami left Usopp alone to carry Sanji to bed while she searched through her phone. Finally finding the number and putting the call on speaker, Nami greeted, "Hello~, Love! Say.. are you free right now? I have a big favor to ask of you."

What a small world it was.

Who would've thought the girl from the restaurant was Nami's friend and a doctor. It was hilariously convenient, not that Sanji was complaining though. He was able to see your pretty face again. Just the flustered look you gave him as he laid in his bed was enough to know you recognized him.

"You two know each other already?" asked Usopp.

"From where?" Nami questioned, looking at you. From the look on your face, you were a little embarrassed that your love life would soon be on display while you're tending to someone.

"That one restaurant you told me to go to-" "Baratie, love," Sanji interrupted you. "Sorry, darling. I just work there, got to give that place some free promotion."

You chuckled.

"Stop flirting with my doctor, I don't need her running away because of your antics," huffed Nami. She turned to look at you baffled while you took Sanji's hand and checked his pulse. "Did the guy even show up?"

You shook your head, intently focused on Sanji before asking him any questions. "Something about an emergency, never texted me again," you mumbled.

Wow! That guy must've been a loser, thought Sanji. Not only had he ghosted a lady and left her alone at a restaurant, she was also a doctor. A cute doctor at that. No, gorgeous, no-wait-, a stunning woman. Ugh, thought Sanji. There were so many words to describe your beauty, it felt like he could write a novel.

"Well that guy is a loser, doesn't know what he's missing out on," cried Nami, putting her arms around you. "Don't worry, I'll marry you!"

"Yes, some guys can be dumb," stated Usopp, nodding his head.

Sanji let out a horrible cough, his body feeling disoriented as he held his chest. You searched through your bag, taking out your stethoscope and putting it around your neck.

"If you guys don't mind, can you leave us alone?" You asked, bluntly. "I shouldn't take too long, don't worry."

Even in his worst state, Sanji could feel a smile creep onto his lips. Nami did not miss his expression, giving him slight glares knowing he was secretly excited about having one-on-one interaction with a woman.

"Don't try anything weird, I can't afford to lose my doctor, they aren't cheap," said Nami, grabbing Usopp by the arms and dragging him out the room. Before closing the door, Nami points at you, "If he tries anything weird, tell me."

"Don't be jealous my dear Nami," joked Sanji, earning a giggle from you.

"As if!" with that Nami slams the door shut, leaving you and Sanji alone.

You let out a nervous chuckle. "I'm sorry, I was getting a little overwhelmed," You said. "What seems to be the problem here? You have a pretty bad cold from what I see."

"There is no problem here, darling," Sanji sits in an upright position on his bed. "It seems faith had plans for us to meet again."

"Seems so," you respond, curtly before putting on the ear tips from the stethoscope. "Do you smoke?"

"Yes."

"Hm." Was the only thing you responded with as you placed the bell on Sanji's chest. Sanji felt his heart drop, why did you respond like that? Did you find smokers unattractive? Sure he knew he had a nasty habit of smoking but he never figured it was too bad, right?

Why was Sanji doubting himself so hard? Why did his chest feel like it was all tied up in knots? He'd seen plenty of beautiful women, but now that you were in his presence he felt like he was struck by lightning. This was the first time Sanji had ever reacted like this. He usually had a collected demeanor, even when flirting with attractive ladies. Now, he didn't even know what to say, how to feel.

"Wow! Your heart is beating fast!" you exclaimed, worriedly. "Do you feel okay? I'm going to check and see if you have a fever, alright?"

You leaned in towards Sanji, the back of your hand softly landing on his cheeks. He felt his face turn red at the close proximity the two of you had. Get it together! You've been around women! Sanji scolded himself.

"You're burning up," you mentioned, sliding your hand to his forehead. "I think you might've contracted the flu, you should rest and drink plenty of water."

W-what?, thought Sanji. "That's all...?" his whisper coming out raspy. He was upset you were now leaving.

"Unfortunately for you, I am not allowed to give you any prescription medicine," you started, as you put away your things. "But if you go to a pharmacy store, you should get some medicine specifically for the flu. It'll fix you up faster, plus, you should quit smoking. At least for the time being while you recover."

There was a small silence between the both of you, listening to the rustling of your bad.

"Y'know you were beautiful that night, ma chérie?" started Sanji, staring at you starstruck. By the look of your face, you were caught off guard. He was taking a big risk flirting with you like this. "That jackass doesn't know how to appreciate a beauty like you."

Sanji watched your breathing stop for a second, taking in what was happening to you. He hadn't known you but by your reaction it seemed like you weren't used to these types of comments. What a shame, thought Sanji. He would shower you with praise every day if you would let him.

"T-thank you," you mustered the courage to say while facing down at the floor. "If you need anything, Nami has my number!"

You quickly gather your things and head towards the door, opening it. Usopp and Nami pretend to make small talk, acting as if they weren't trying to eavesdrop through the door. "I hope you get better soon!" you yelled out, leaving Sanji's room in a hurry and leaving the apartment.

Sanji's heart ached a little. He hoped he hadn't made you uncomfortable with his excessive flirting. He just couldn't resist you though. A woman of such high caliber as yourself should be showered with nothing but praise.

"You better not have said anything weird, or you're dead," frowned Nami, crossing her arms.

Even if he did, Sanji is sure he will make it up to you.

In the following weeks, no woman occupied his mind other than you. Sanji made sure to keep in touch with you, first pretending he needed another check-up to make sure he rid himself of his sickness. Then it turned from sending each other a few messages a day, to full blown conversations. Nobody had seen him like this, hell, nobody actually thought a day like this would come.

The day Sanji had confessed to his friends he had his eyes set on you, he was met with mixed reactions. Usopp and Luffy cheered him on, immediately telling Sanji to confess his feelings for you and sweep you off your feet. All Zoro could do was scoff, muttering to Nami 'let's see how long this lasts' before plopping on the couch. Sanji could see Nami's face becoming red, indicating how displeased she was.

"You womanizer!" Nami clenched her fist. "You better be serious about this! That poor girl cannot handle another heartbreak, you hear me!?"

Sanji felt a little hurt by Nami's comment but knew she was only saying it out of care for her friend. They've been friends for years, she has witnessed him flirt with almost every girl in the country by now.

"Relax, Nami, this is Sanji we're talking about," said Luffy.

"Exactly," huffed Nami, crossing her arms.

"When will we get to meet the lucky lady?" asked Luffy with a wide grin. A small smile was plastered on Sanji's face as Luffy kept asking him the same question.

Huh... Sanji hadn't thought about it. Now his mind was imagining what it would be like for you to meet his friends. His found family, how well you would get along with them. Sanji felt like a schoolboy with all that daydreaming he was doing in his head.

Vinsmoke Sanji, finally finding the woman of his dreams after spending years flirting with so many women. It started becoming more noticeable as the days passed. Before, he spent his time at the Baratie flirting with women and swooning them with free meals. Now, Zeff would catch him being on his phone, usually smiling down at whatever text message you had sent him.

Both his friends and the crew at the Baratie did not chastise Sanji whenever they saw him glued to his phone. No, instead, they would stand in front of him in disbelief. It was baffling, almost as if Sanji wasn't... Sanji.

The old man, Zeff, probably caught on before any of Sanji's friends could. He came into work more of an airhead than usual. His incessant flirting with women was now dialed back. Sanji still gave them pet names, but now he wasn't asking them for their phone numbers or to wait for him at the end of his shift.

Actually, there was one time a woman waited for Sanji at the end of his shift. Zeff was rather annoyed he had to tend to this customer when it was already closing time.

"Do you need anything?" asked Zeff, trying his best not to sound annoyed. He could tell you were nervous, stumbling on your words.

"I'm here to see Sanji, if he's here!" you said, hoping you weren't bothering them. Zeff stared at you, trying to connect the pieces together. Were you the girl Sanji was constantly messaging throughout his shift? "He told me to wait here since it's raining outside, if that's okay..."

Yes, you were the girl Sanji was so busy swooning over. "I'll bring him out for you, take a seat," Zeff walked away from you and into the kitchen.

"Hey, Sanji!" Zeff shouted loud enough for the crew to hear. Sanji appears with a dish already prepared on his hand, wondering why the old man called out for him. "Your girl is here..."

Zeff did not miss the way Sanji's eyes lit up, there was no malintent, just pure happiness. Sanji starts making his way towards you but is stopped by Zeff. "Where are you going with that plate, boy?"

Sanji didn't bother trying to argue with the old man, simply rolling his eyes before answering. "She just got off work and she's hungry," was the only thing Sanji responded with before heading out.

The crew watched in silence, surprised both men did not instantly start a screaming match with each other.

"Yep," started Zeff. "That boy is in love, Patty. Who would've thought the day would come." The Baratie crew can only snicker.

Sanji was excited for you to try out his new dish. Sure, you have already tasted his cooking since he would prepare food for you whenever he could; but this dish was special. It was something new, and Sanji could not wait for you to try it. He saw you already sitting at a table, nervously looking around at the empty space around you.

"My lovely lady!" exclaimed Sanji, making his presence known. He saw the way your eyes lit up, immediately getting shy.

"Sanji! How are you?" You asked, watching him place the dish right in front of you.

He sat next to you, he couldn't contain his excitement. "Oh, I feel much better now that you are here," flirted Sanji, making you turn shy. "I tried a new recipe, you're the first one to try it so let me know if it tastes good."

You giggle. "Whatever you cook for me, I know will be good," you complimented him, grabbing a fork and eating away.

Sanji was nervous. He had confidence in his cooking skill, he knew he was a great cook. Hell, his friends and strangers alike would always rave about his cooking. Sanji had yet to come across someone who did not enjoy his cooking. He had food critics from around the country come and visit the Baratie just to get a taste of his cooking. To Sanji, though, he could care less about the opinions of those snobby rich critics. Your opinion meant more to him than some five star review.

You seemed to be enjoying the dish Sanji made for you, seeing as you were only focused on eating. Over the past few weeks, Sanji was able to pick up on your habits. Whenever you had a rough day at work, you would enjoy eating the dish Sanji made you in silence. Even though he loved nothing more than talking to you, he'd prefer you eat first. The first week he met you, you would skip meals even though you were a doctor. From then on, Sanji made it his mission to make you a dish whenever he had the chance.

"Hm~, this is amazing, I should make you my husband," you teased. You had no clue just how much love Sanji poured into this dish he made you. You overtook his thoughts in every department, this dish was made out of genuine care for you. He would be honored if you made him your husband.

"I have some good news!" You exclaimed, wiping your mouth with a napkin.

"Tell me all about it, love," smiled Sanji, seeing your grin widen and getting all giddy. He loved how you got excited whenever you wanted to tell him something that interested you.

"There's a new aquarium that just opened downtown," you started, moving your seat closer to him. "It has all kinds of exotic fish and beautiful marine mammals!"

"Hm, maybe I should check it out, give me ideas for what I might prepare next," joked Sanji as you gasped. You slapped his arm playfully, calling him mean.

"Well... You see," you started as you twiddled with your thumbs. Sanji noticed how you refused to look him in the face. He saw your flustered expression as you tried to figure out what to say next. "A-a co-worker of mine, he gave me free tickets to the aquarium."

Sanji's heart dropped. He? As in... Male? Has somebody else asked you out on a date already? Sanji could hear his heart slowly break but he tried keeping a calm demeanor. Right now all he wanted to do was curl up on his bed and cry.

"Him and his girlfriend broke up and he didn't want the tickets to go to waste," you scratched your head, your eyes roaming around everywhere but Sanji. He felt his heart break a little more. "Anyways, he gave me two tickets... a-and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?"

You finally look up at Sanji, your flustered expression showing all over your face. What? It had hit him like a train all of the sudden. You were asking him to go out with you to the aquarium. Sanji had prepared many scenarios in his head, but this one he did not expect. It was almost as if you were asking him out on a date.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to..." you try to hide the sadness in your voice. Sanji hadn't realized he had been blanking out for a bit, explaining why you were so hesitant.

"N-no! It's not like that!" Sanji exclaimed, desperately trying to salvage the situation. "If anything, I'm honored you would like to go with me."

Was this his chance? Sanji had dreamed of this moment since he was young. A beautiful prince finally meeting his beautiful princess, it felt like something out of a fairytale.

This was his chance. Sanji had to seal the deal.

"Love," Sanji gently held your chin with his fingers, as you tried to keep your eyes on him trying hard not to show your flustered expression. "How about we make it an official date?"

Sanji felt your body tense, you always had this reaction whenever he complimented you. He wasn't sure if it was because you valued your personal space, or because you were caught up in the moment. Regardless, Sanji loved seeing your expression when he treated you sweetly.

You nodded your head. "Yes," you whispered. "It's a date."

You were so cute showing how excited you were. It was hard for Sanji not to swoop in and plant his lips on top of yours. If only he could just lean a little closer-

"Hey, you two!" a thunderous voice erupted, making you jump from your seat. Both you and Sanji turned to look at Zeff who was holding the kitchen door open. "We're about to leave, if you guys want to stay in here, be my guest!"

With that, the old man walked away. Sanji chuckled and turned to face you, "You wanna get out of here?" he asked. You nodded your head, as both of you stood up from your seats. "First, let me introduce you to this old geezer, Zeff. I promise you, he's not as intimidating as he seems."

"He's pretty scary to me," you joked. While both of you made your way to the kitchen, your hand magically interlocked with Sanji's.

How could words explain just how absolutely stunning you looked. Sanji caught a glimpse one night of how beautiful you looked all dressed up. Usually, he would see you in your work clothes, which he didn't mind, he got to see you in that white lab coat. Although, now, Sanji was able to bask in your beauty. Seeing how you put so much effort to look presentable for your date, you look so cute!

"Darling, you look absolutely stunning," complimented Sanji, taking your hand and placing a kiss on top. He gifted you a bouquet of flowers with a letter attached to it. "Read it when you get home, love."

You shyly nodded, putting the letter on your table to read for later.

Sanji held your hand, leading you to his car and finally making your way to the aquarium. You couldn't contain your excitement on the way there, explaining to him what animal you were most excited to see. It was cute, really. Nami had told him how excited you were for this date and just how head over heels you were for Sanji.

Nami I don't know how you did it, but I better hear good things from you after tonight. read 6:27pm

Sanji couldn't help but crack a smile, seeing how overprotective Nami was of you. He had no doubt in his mind that Nami would put him in his place if he crossed the line. Although, Sanji had no plans of leaving you anytime soon.

He watched you, starstruck by your beauty as you stared at the fishes in the tank. The way you stared at the fishes with such focus, pointing to Sanji every fish you found intriguing. Your skin was glowing beautifully all thanks to the water's reflection shining onto you.

"What do you think?" you asked, turning your attention to Sanji.

"I think..." He smiled, tucking your hair over your ear, before pointing at a big fish. "I think I've actually cooked that fish at Baratie before."

You gasp before stifling out a laugh. "You're cruel," you said, your eyes locking onto him.

No, you're cruel. The way you cemented yourself into Sanji's heart. The way you made him feel like he was finally allowed to be selfish. How, no matter how many women hit on him or flirt with him, you're the only one taking over his mind.

"Look at this one!" you pointed at a Green sunfish. "He reminds me of your friend!"

"Ha! That is mosshead!" laughed Sanji, pointing at the fish alongside you. He took out his phone from his pocket to take a picture of the fish. "I have to send this to the Strawhats group chat!"

As Sanji zoomed in on the Green sunfish and took a quick picture, he felt your gaze on him. He could've sworn he saw you give him a warm smile, watching him have his own fun. Sanji puts his phone away, giving you his full undivided attention.

"Sanji..." you started. He felt a shiver run down his spine as his name rolled off your tongue. Your hands were a little shaky as you went to grab his black tie.

"L-love-!" started Sanji but before he could speak, you pulled him towards you and planted a kiss on his lips.

Sanji's body felt like it was on fire. As a young boy, he always thought he would be the first one to initiate a kiss. Now here he was, getting a kiss from you first, not that he minded. If anything, it proved to him that you were just as crazy for him as he was for you.

You pulled away, refusing to look him in the eyes and planted your head on his chest out of embarrassment. Sanji couldn't help but laugh at how cute you were, you had pulled the first move and now you were acting all shy. He wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head and held you closely.

Two lovers enjoying their moment, blissfully unaware of the world around them.

"What are you doing here?" growled Sanji, staring at the woman sitting on his couch. It was his sister, Reiju.

"You've been ignoring my calls," she answered, unamused.

"Yeah? Well, maybe I've been ignoring them for a reason," scoffed Sanji, taking off his coat.

"Father wants to talk to you," Reiju went straight to the point. "He's been wanting to get a hold of you."

"Tell him to piss off!" yelled Sanji, heated. "That man has done nothing good for me, I don't want anything to do with him. In fact, he was the one who didn't want anything to do with me first."

Sanji swore he saw his sister's face drop, remembering the mistreatment of her younger brother.

"I know that..." spat Reiju. "But I'm here to try and spare you the trouble. If you continue to ignore his request, he will make you talk to him."

"Like I said, he has no right trying to come back into my life like nothing happened," said Sanji. "Now, if you would kindly leave me be, I would appreciate it very much."

Reiju's eyes don't leave Sanji's intense stare, sighing, before getting up from the chair and making her way out. She gives her younger brother one last look, one of shame.

"I hope things go well for you..." muttered Reiju, already out the door.

Sanji frowned. "Goodbye, Reiju."

And with that, he slammed the door.

Sanji felt like the happiest man in the entire world.

He is the happiest man in the world.

Being with you the past few weeks, Sanji had never felt more alive. You surround everything around him, whether it be from the dishes he cooks you or the music you play for him on a daily basis. Sanji could never get enough of you, you occupied every single one of his thoughts.

I got lucky, thought Sanji as he watched you dance with his friends. The bonfire was brightly lit, reflecting an orange tint on not only you but all of his friends. This was beautiful, almost like a scene taken straight out of a movie.

Sanji felt relieved that you got along well with his group of friends. He knew they were a bit much to handle, their personalities could be all over the place. He had remembered when he met Luffy at the Baratie, he was accompanied by Nami, Zoro and Usopp. It was a relatively small friend group before it expanded.

A few years ago, Sanji would've never imagined he'd have a big group of friends; ones who he considered his found family. Not that he didn't consider Zeff and the cooking crew at the Baratie his family. Zeff was his father-figure, the one who pushed him to befriend Luffy, to pursue his dreams and aspirations.

Now, here Sanji was, with his friends and lover, enjoying the beautiful night by drinking and dancing. He was content, so much so, he was sitting next to Zoro enjoying his beer. They were always at each other's throats; but tonight, they enjoyed each other's presence as they watched the others have fun.

"You sure are happier than ever before..." muttered Zoro, taking a drink from his beer. "For a second, I thought you were joking but you actually surprised me this time."

Sanji knew Zoro was referring to you.

"What can I say..." started Sanji, grabbing his lighter to light up a cigarette. "When you meet the right woman, it changes you."

Zoro chuckled. "I like her," said Zoro, watching his friends getting more and more drunk. You were struggling to hold Luffy and Nami as they leaned on you for support. The others laugh at their two friends' antics. "She doesn't take herself too seriously, plus, she's a doctor."

That being said, Luffy grabbed onto Usopp, trying to give him a hug. Both of them were drunk, and instead of hugging each other, their heads collided. You gasped and went to check on both of them to see if they were alright.

"Plus, looks like we need one," Zoro gestured to Usopp and Luffy.

Sanji laughed.

As the night progressed, most of Sanji's friends left one by one, leaving only the two of you. Both of you were sitting on the couch, exhausted from the fun night you two had.

"I think I should start heading home..." you sighed. Sanji could tell you didn't want to leave him.

He held you closer to him. "Why not just stay here for the night then, darling?" Sanji cooed in your ear, making you giggle.

You sighed, shaking your head hesitantly. "Can't, I have to do a lot of paperwork tomorrow. You know they will go crazy without me there."

Sanji felt a twinge of disappointment, but he did not let it ruin his mood. He understood how important your job was to you, he didn't want to get in the way of things. Although, by the way you acted, it didn't seem like you wanted to leave either.

You sat on top of your legs, looking at Sanji with a flustered look. You didn't really want to go, you had to make it clear to him. You leaned in towards Sanji, giving him a rather passionate kiss.

Sanji reciprocated the kiss, putting his hands on your cheeks to deepen it. His hands landed on your cheek, neck and then on your waist, putting you two in an intimate position. This felt heavenly, you roaming your hands on his chest made Sanji's whole world go up in flames.

This felt like a natural transition to something more; to sex. But who was Sanji if he didn't make sure his lady was absolutely sure about this? Sure about taking your relationship to the next level. Sanji broke the kiss, seeing as you were straddling on his lap. You gave him a cute pout, one which he found adorable.

"Ma chérie," started Sanji, placing his hand on your cheek. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

He could see your eyes full of nothing but lust and love for the man in front of you. You nodded shyly, but in a desperate manner, showing him just how much you wanted this without words.

"Sanji... I have never been more sure about something," you confirmed it for Sanji. "I'm ready."

And that's all Sanji needed to ravage you for the night. He made you feel so many emotions that night; love, passion and pleasure. He made it his mission to make this night only about you. Sanji wanted to show you how much you meant to him. Just how much your presence had changed his life. You made him feel special and loved, something Sanji had gone without for far too long in his life.

You looked absolutely beautiful in your afterglow. "I love you," you said in between moans.

Sanji felt his whole world being turned upside down. Hearing those three words were so foreign to him. His family never said that to him, in fact, emotions were not allowed in his house growing up. Now, the woman that he loved, who was sprawled out on his bed, was confessing her love to him.

Sanji felt overwhelmed by the sudden emotions that had hit him, he couldn't take it. How did you know? The words he needed to hear the most. Sanji felt tears well up, but he was too ashamed to let you see him cry. He buried his head on your neck, embracing you tightly and letting his tears run.

"I love you more, ma chérie."

"Finally, I am able to sit you down and have a proper talk with you..." the large man muttered. He had long blonde hair that reached his waist, a stupidly funny upwards mustache and thick blonde curly eyebrows.

Shit, Sanji really was his father's son. Out of all his siblings, he resembled his father the most. Sure, he had his mom's features passed down to him but there was no denying that the man in front of him was most definitely his father.

He chose not to meet his father's gaze, instead staring down on the floor. He could hear his older siblings cackling, Sanji knew his siblings saw him as pathetic.

"We want to expand Germa 66, establish ourselves as a powerful business," explained Judge, keeping his eyes on his son.

"Typical..." spat Sanji, clenching his fists. "So? What's that got to do with me?"

"I've met someone that could help me expand who can help us expand. But, she will only do it if someone marries her daughter."

Sanji was growing impatient listening to his father talk. If he was going to ask him to marry somebody else, the Judge was wrong. Sanji already had built his own life, one his father didn't help create. He had Zeff, his friend and most importantly, you.

"I didn't want to bother my sons about it, so I thought, what about Sanji?"

This man knew how to get under Sanji's skin.

"I always thought you were a failure, but it turns out, you'll actually be useful this time around," laughed Judge. "So, you're gonna go through with the wedding."

Sanji felt nothing but pure rage inside of him. Not only was the Judge embarrassing him in front of his siblings, but making a decision for him; one he did not decide.

"How dare you!" yelled Sanji, clenching his fists. "I will never go through with that marriage."

"Oh, is that so?" said Judge, mildly impressed by his son's outrage. It was almost as if he wasn't anticipating this sort of reaction from him, what a joke!

"I'm not asking you, I'm ordering you," spat Judge, crossing his arms. "If you don't, it'd be a shame if the restaurant you work in just so happened to get shut down."

No way, Judge was actually threatening to close down Zeff's restaurant. After he worked his ass off to build that place from the ground up, a place Sanji had spent most of his years in.

"You wouldn't dare...!" challenged Sanji. Even though he was putting on a tough exterior, he was feeling scared and helpless. The man who was so cruel to Sanji as a kid, the man who kicked his own son out to fend for himself. Now, he was ordering him to accept this marriage like it was nothing?

No, Sanji had vowed to get married to you, the person he truly loved. His mind, body and soul belonged to you, not this random person he never even saw.

"How about that girl you're seeing," said Judge. It was almost as if he was reading Sanji's mind. "She seems like a nice lady and I hear she's a doctor too. Would be a shame if all her hard work was crushed by a simple call I could make."

This was going too far, even for them. Sanji could hear his siblings snicker, all of them enjoying the scene that was unfolding before their very eyes. Of course they would find this amusing, Sanji's brothers never held any sympathy towards him. His eyes landed on Reiju, the only one who was not laughing. She avoided Sanji's stare, looking defeated as she watched her father strip away her brother's life right in front of his eyes.

"Just accept the inevitable, failure!" laughed Yonji, Sanji's youngest brother.

This was crossing the line, threatening Zeff and threatening you? The love of his life, the person he stayed up all night talking to about his dreams. No, Sanji couldn't risk being selfish. Not when Zeff's business was on the line alongside your career. You had busted your ass day and night, you would avoid sleeping and eating just to get where you were.

There was no other choice, Sanji was backed into a corner. All he wanted to do was cry but held the tears in, knowing his father and brothers would use that to berate him even further.

With a defeated look, Sanji could only stare into the abyss as he said, "I... will go through with it. Just don't bring them into this mess."

Sanji knew how horrible his family could be and their threats were no joke. They were willing to use their positions of power just to get what they wanted. He wasn't gonna let you fall victim to his family, even if it meant hurting you in the process.

Sanji could see your whole world crashing down before his very eyes. It took you a minute to process what he had told his friend, what he had told you.

"I'm getting married, I'm cutting ties with all of you," spat Sanji.

This wasn't like him. Sanji never spoke to his friends in such a condescending way. Sure, he got annoyed by their antics from time to time but it was never enough to justify lashing out at them. He felt his heart rip in two as he watched your eyes well up with tears.

Luffy and Nami stood in shock, outraged by Sanji's behavior. Luffy shook his head, refusing to accept what his friend was saying.

"How dare you say that!" yelled Luffy. "You're supposed to get married to her!"

Sanji was grateful that you had Luffy to defend you. You looked so broken, he couldn't bear to see you any longer. He knew he wouldn't be able to go through with it if he continued seeing you in pain. You didn't say anything, but your body language said enough. You were hoping this was a dream-a nightmare-you could get out of.

"Sanji!" Nami yelled out, Sanji looking at her. He felt the palm of her hand collide with his cheek. The stinging sensation was brutal, but it was nothing compared to the sight of an angry Nami. Sanji knows he failed her, she doesn't need to say it.

"You promised me, Sanji," cried Nami. He had promised to not hurt you, now here you were, crying.

Luffy was comforting you, making sure you were alright. You hadn't spoken a word, screamed or cried, you just stood there lifeless. Sanji knew he had broken your heart, but it was for the best. That's what he wanted to believe, that you were better off without him. You wouldn't have to suffer because of him.

Nami made her way to you, and together with Luffy, guided you away from Sanji. He couldn't help but let the tears overflow as he watched the love of his life leave him. Just when he thought he had a chance at happiness, it was just as quickly diminished.

I'm sorry, was the only thing Sanji kept repeating to himself inside his head.

A few weeks have gone by and Sanji felt like his soul was already sucked dry. Sanji wanted nothing more than to escape this cursed wedding, but no matter how he tried, he couldn't avoid it. Every waking day, Sanji was reminded how much of his life was taken away. He missed his friends, but most importantly, he missed you.

Sanji missed going to visit you at the hospital you worked at. He missed the surprise visits you do when he worked at Baratie. How much he loved cooking for you, every meal made out of nothing but his love.

Now, he was making a meal for his fiancée, Pudding, the woman Sanji was forced to marry. She was a nice girl, but she was nothing like you. You had a certain charm about you that Sanji found adorable. He just couldn't help but compare Pudding to you at every corner.

Like the meal he had made for Pudding for the picnic was nothing like what he would cook for you. You had your own special meal that Sanji was accustomed to, now he had to memorize a new one that wasn't even for you.

Sanji watched Pudding as she giggled, telling him a story that he wasn't listening to. He didn't mean to be rude, he was just so busy in his thoughts he blocked the whole world around him. He knew that the date was going fine, Pudding was enjoying herself.

For a short moment, Sanji enjoyed the scenery around him. There was a beautiful lake and the sun was out. Sanji saw from the corner of his eyes a familiar figure walking up towards the bench in front of the lake.

It was you.

For the first time in weeks, Sanji felt happiness fill all over him. He hadn't seen you in a long time, he was finally able to say hi to you and how much he missed you. It's almost as if he had forgotten what he put you through. Sanji was forced to come back down to reality, watching as two familiar friends sat down beside you on the bench; it was Nami and Luffy.

Sanji wasn't able to see your face, but he could tell by the way Nami was hugging you and the way Luffy put his arm around you; you were still hurt by the events that happened weeks prior. Sanji's heart ached as he heard from afar you sniffle and Pudding calling out for him. Good thing he was too far away to draw attention to himself, but there was a dark looming feeling that floated over his head.

One of guilt, regret and sadness all combined together. Guilt for the way he made you feel, promising not only to you but to his friend Nami, that he would never hurt you. Regret that he had to leave his father figure, his friends and you behind all in favor for this sham of a marriage.

Sanji was so sure about his decision. He didn't want anyone coming after you just to get back at him. He promised you he was doing you a favor by making you stay away from him and his cursed family.

But seeing as you cried your heart out to Nami and Luffy, Sanji couldn't help but think that he had made a crucial mistake. One that he was afraid he could never undo.

if this gets enough love, i might do a part two (─‿‿─) tag list: @hellotamatoe and @somiawn, thank you for your guys support ♡5

[wings-of-ink]

Hello, I am the reader who could not read the update, and now I have been able to, I don't know what I did but I fixed it. Hahaha

Anyway, I just came to thank you for sharing this story with us, it's amazing.

I read everything as if there was no tomorrow, I'm amazed by all the content and your clean way of writing everything, it's perfectly understood.

The story and the mystery have me biting my nails, I have more questions than answers now! Haha I hope the universe keeps giving you the means and inspiration to be able to continue with this story. You deserve a lot of applause.

Oh, and the characters...*chef kiss*. Zahn is a sweetheart, I love their personality. I must say that at first I was going to pick a romance with Oswin, I still will, but after meeting Duri...I've fallen hard and fast for them...jesus... Hahaha

It's hard to choose with such great characters.

Anyway, I just came to praise you, I'll be on my way now. Take care! 🌸

Hello dear! I'm so glad you were able to get it working for you! Accidental fixes are like little miracles, lol.

Thank you so much for your sweet words. I am so thrilled you're enjoying the story and characters. One day we will have answers to all your questions! It's getting to that in the story that's the tough part, lol, and that goes for me too!

Duri is a natural show-stealer and they are proud of it!

Thank you for letting me know you were able to partake in the update. ^_^

[icouldhyperfixatehim]

tag game 🫧

tagged by @cankersoregirl - a delight and shower of starshine on the dash

1. why did you choose your url?

i like wordplay and "i could fix him" happened to be the phrase du jour at the time. i have enough awareness to know i could not in fact fix him, as i am invariably worse 😊

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

none for me - i've had and deleted/reupholstered previous iterations of blogs, but i've never done the sideblog thing

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

this blog particular? since 2019/2020 i believe. those previous iterations i mentioned? christened as tumblr native the year of our lord 2013

4. do you have a queue tag?

i'm almost me again she's almost queue. more wordplay - lyric from hozier's almost (sweet music)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i watched the untamed on rec from someone i was getting to know irl. from there i moved like wildfire discovering the queer stories i hadn't known asia had been producing This Whole Time, and i turned back to an old friend (oh tumblr you sweet, slutty siren) to further my education in a new obsession. isn't it always the way

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

eh well, that's erng, from umg, and she's the most important person in the world. and out the world.

7. why did you choose your header?

again, umg. that series is so rich in lovely trees, and that one in particular is marked with an arrow that points the way to homes away from home, friendships that last lifetimes, the parts of childhood you keep cradled in your hands like a fragile little moth... it's just a lovely shot to me.

8. what is your post with the most notes?

apparently it's this meme about gap sam being a beautiful girlfail 🤍

9. how many mutuals do you have?

no idea. room for more?

10. how many followers do you have?

a quick looky-loo provides the answer...1083. i imagine a great many just haven't realised they haven't unfollowed me yet lmao

11. how many people do you follow?

451. lotta talented people on here and i have a trigger finger. i could probably do w a pruning session tbh

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

some might argue that's the bulk of what i do

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

how often do i pick my nails? how often do i yawn? how often do i walk into a room in my house and forget wtf i went in there for?

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

no, i'm just a liwwtle guy ^-^

15. how do you feel about 'you need to reblog this' posts?

everyone feels urgency for different things at different times depending on their own perspective. we do our best with what we have in a given moment, and it's worth the effort to resist guilt that others try to hand you. they don't know you, you know you.

16. do you like tag games?

i do! more open ended ones like this - i struggle w superlatives

17. do you like ask games?

i've spoken before of my deep devotion to t? notification. i love her in all her guises

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

idk i'm shy of everyone at more or less equal levels lmao

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

in love w creation and critical analysis of narratives and passion so: select all//action:kith

20. tags?

here's your coupon to say i tagged you if you want to partake: 💌. otherwise @akkpipitphattana @jgyapologism @philologique @becomingabeing @charles-edwin @chickenstrangers @benkaaoi

[gibbearish]

re: your post about vaginismus. idk if that's specifically what i have but i definitely have some sort of pelvic floor disorder going on and i was wondering if it's not just an option to never ever partake in any sort of vaginal penetration ever? everyone always acts like you HAVE to treat it by, you know, putting things in your vagina. but i am just not okay with that even remotely even a little bit ever at all. i would genuinely consider any kind of penetration to be sexual assault and would never ever consent to it, not even for medical purposes.

i tried pelvic floor therapy that involved "external" work like breathing & muscle exercises but it really felt like it wasn't helping and was so unjustifiably expensive that i honestly feel like i got scammed :/

i've even spoken to two separate sex therapists about it and all they did was tell me my feelings were valid but never actually offered any helpful insights or advice, leading me to believe they've never encountered anyone like me before, like i'm maybe the most uniquely messed up person in the world to the point that not even sex therapists—whose whole job (i perhaps falsely believed) is helping people with sexual issues—know what to do with me.

so what is someone like me supposed to do?

so before i say anything else, i do just want to offer a disclaimer that i am not a medical professional and everything i say should be taken with a grain of salt, everything im gonna be saying here is speculation based solely on the things youve said and my own personal experiences. i also want to add my generic "if youre in the united states, do everything through planned parenthood" advisory here, they have excellent service and idk how they vet their references but it's kept me from having bad experiences through them so far, so it seems to be working and i highly recommend going through them for anything sexual health related if you have the ability.

now, with that out of the way, on to some more specific advice. so firstly, no, you do not have to treat it. your body is yours and you choose what happens to it. however, that doesn't automatically make every choice a healthy one. you could choose to never brush your teeth or go to the dentist, and anyone who tried to pin you down and forcefully clean your teeth would in fact be assaulting you, but that wouldn't change the fact that we brush our teeth for a reason yknow? it's your body and your choice, and you are allowed to make unhealthy choices if you want, but you should be able to ackowledge them as what they are. and i understand penetration can be scary and hard, believe me, but there are genuine health reasons for doing so. pap smears are how they check for cervical cancer (i just got one done today!), and even outside of that there are things that can cause major problems if left unchecked. for instance vaginal atrophy can make the walls of the vaginal canal dry out and stick together, and if that happens for an extended time with nothing to separate them, those walls can then fuse to and grow into each other. in severe cases, the vaginal canal can fully seal shut, the worst case i read about was a woman in an old folks home who had atrophy from menopause and no sexual activity, so she only found out when the growing skin sealed her /urethra/ shut.

i'm not telling you these things to scare you, but just to hopefully give you some perspective on why medical professionals are so insistent about it. the purpose of invasive tests like pap smears is to prevent having to do much more invasive work down the line to fix things, like cancer treatments or surgically reopening your pee hole. and that's not to say if you don't try to treat yours, those will 100% happen, my point is that if youre not able to work through this fear, you simply won't be able to take those preventative measures. like i said, its your body and you choose what happens to it, but like. there is a legitimate reason for people wanting treatment for vaginismus beyond just sex, i know some people do come at it from an angle of "rrgh sex is what makes us human you must be able to have sex ragagagahg" which is obviously fucked up, but a lot of it does actually come from a place of genuine concern for your health. also, this is just a sidenote, but the breathing and muscle exercises /do/ help, however if youre unwilling to consent to penetration then they don't really have a way to check if it's working and give you pointers on which exercises would actually help you the most. obv you know your situation better than i do so use your best judgement as to whether other factors point to it being a scam, but as someone who's been through that therapy i can confirm that those steps are a normal part of the therapy for it and aren't useless. it's just that therapists can only really help as much as you let them.

and with that, i want to move on to something else, and i know i said this before but i want to reiterate that everything im about to say is entirely speculation. that being said, im getting the feeling that maybe youre not being entirely truthful with yourself about this. you say that you don't want penetration and would never consent, but youve visited multiple doctors about it and are now reaching out to me for answers too. im not sure if the reply i got on that post to a similar tune around the same time was also you or not, but if it was then you reached out through multiple channels as well. and to me, that says that maybe you /do/ actually want to try treating it, but are being held back by fear. whether that fear is due to the previous bad experiences youve had or something else in your past, i couldnt tell you, but given all of that and esp the "maybe i'm a uniquely messed up person" part, i get the feeling that youre not as ok with having it as youre saying you are, and as id wager you mightve told those sex therapists? like. that to me doesnt sound like the statement of someone who is content with the way their body is functioning. to me, it sounds like you are unhappy with having this disorder but your previous attempts to resolve it have stalled out or gotten you nowhere, so youve convinced yourself you're fine with it rather than risk another failure.

because here's the thing. im very careful when talking about this disorder publically not to say that it makes one broken or that sex is a necessary part of being human. and ive been paying closer attention to how misunderstandings like these happen lately, and ive noticed that you can usually learn a lot from people based on what they get defensive about; "if the shoe fits" is a saying for a reason, after all. so when people read my post simply offering resources to those struggling with treatment and come away from it hearing "you are broken and should fix this," it tells me that that interpretation was likely already in their mind before they started reading, that that was the lense they were already viewing my words through. so when they hit a part that seemingly confirmed it, they got defensive. and again, this is all 100% speculation, i know nothing about you beyond this ask and can't know if this is accurate or not. all I'm saying is like. really take some time to sit with your feelings about this disorder and assess if you genuinely are fine with having it. idk if this was included in the version you saw, but in one of the additions to that post i mentioned that like. for a long time i felt the same about my disorder, i'm transmasc so there was something validating about only being able to do sex like a gay man, of not physically having the vaginal option, but. after a while i realized that was just a bandaid for me, an excuse to be ok with it rather than an explanation. whether i wanted to do it "the girl way" or not, i didn't like not getting the choice.

and that's a theme ive actually seen repeated in the tags of that post a bit, ive gotten comments from quite a few ppl saying "i'm ace so this shouldnt matter to me. And Yet...👀" because. like. its your body!!! you want to feel like you have full control over it!!!! choosing not to have sex or not to allow penetration can feel fundamentally different than basically having it dangled in front of your face your whole life but just out of reach. like, there are a bunch of people out there getting treatment because of this post specifically so that they can be ace but Harder. so like. idk, i think what im trying to say it that like. you dont have to try to make yourself be ok with penetration for any reason if you dont want to. but to me it sounds like having the choice could being you peace. reading your ask back, i notice that you didn't actually say youre ok with having this, just that youre vehemently /not/ ok with penetration, and idk. to me that sounds less like peace with where youre at and more like fear. and i think dealing with that fear might get you much further in accepting this part of yourself if just trying to be ok with it on its own isnt getting you anywhere.

now, all of that aside, if that speculation is wrong and it is just outside pressure giving you conflict, that gets a bit more difficult and idk how helpful my advice here can be. my first thought would be to try reaching out to a regular therapist rather than specifically a sex therapist, that way if your aversion to it turns out to be like trauma related or smth, they could help you deal with it, whether by helping you unwind that aversion or by figuring out why external opinions are influencing your self-image so much. other than that, maybe just. try really driving home that its not the penetration aversion thats giving you problems, but your feelings /about/ the aversion? im not sure how you brought this up to them but therapists can sometimes do this thing where they latch on to one specific idea and ignore what youre actually telling them, so i can imagine them getting easily sidetracked into thinking the conflict was about the penetration itself so when you said you were ok with not doing it, they were like "oh! cool well problem solved then, they just needed validation that theyre allowed to not want sex!:))!!!!!" which. sucks massively that that can happen, but therapists are human too and are not immune to having their own internal biases. either way, unfortunately without knowing more about your specific situation+therapist experiences, i don't think i can offer much specific help? it could have just been issues with those specific therapists, or it could have been like with the breathing+muscle exercises where there was something more going on behind the scenes that you werent aware of, or it could be that your issues with this are entirely unrelated to sex which is why sex therapists werent able to help. i would encourage trying more therapists, but i also very very much understand the mental exhaustion involved with that whole process (currently procrastinating setting up my own therapy appointments because my last three have sucked, so seriously, i /very/ much get it kwbfksbfkd) so i get it if that advice rings hollow. i will say though, ive heard from a friend who's currently in therapy that good therapists will indeed ask follow up questions and actually dig up the part thats bugging you, whether you entirely want to give it up or not, but i don't know if that translates for sex therapists. i should hope so but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who knows. either way though, them not being able to help does not mean youre uniquely fucked up, it just means that they werent the therapists for you.

the only other idea i really have is to just like. maybe familiarize yourself with signs of cervical cancer? i know very little about it myself so i dont even know if there are other external signs, but id assume yes and that people dont just Randomly Drop Dead One Day. so i would research like. what pains to keep an eye out for, changes in urinary habits, things like that, bc if it were me i think that would probably help me feel better abt the whole situation would be knowing i had a backup for the medical aspect.

this got really long and idk if there's a tldr that could do it justice but i think if i had to condense all of this down i would say that no, you are not broken for having this disorder and you do not have to fix it if you don't want to, but i kinda get the feeling that you maybe do want to? however that is entirely a guess that could easily be wrong, so if it is, then i would reach out to a non-sex therapist, because either way it does sound like these feelings are effecting you negatively quite a bit. you deserve to genuinely feel happy with your body, not to feel like the most uniquely messed up person in the world, and a good therapist can help you get there regardless of where those feelings are coming from.

but yeah, i hope this is helpful in some way and that the speculation was ok, it just. really sounds to me like your feelings on this might be more complex than you're letting yourself feel. and i hope that in the event i am wrong, i offered enough possible alternatives to still be helpful 💕 best of luck

[pico-digital-studios]

1NT0, 4CR055 4ND B3Y0ND: ???

Shared over on Newgrounds too!

??? 1: How long is it gonna take to get this side of the internet back in order?

??? 2: I've almost got it, Tails. And...

The display came on.

Into, Across and Beyond!: Q&A Intro

Nine: ...there we go!

OMT!Tails: Phew! After what happened last night, I thought we were never gonna get this fixed.

BK!Amy: Man. I knew I shouldn't have taken out that phone line earlier. Who knew it linked to this internet server?

OMT!Tails: Definitely something we're keeping in mind next time.

(Yeah, this did happen to me in real life the night before I made this post.)

CR!Sonia peeped up at the camera.

CR!Sonia: Are we on TV?

OMT!Tails: Heh, kinda.

CR!Manik: Awesome!

Nitro: Excellent! Seems like everything's good to go!

OMT!Tails: Well, everyone, welcome to the official Q&A for our endeavours! This is where we'd like to allow you guys out there to ask us anything you want! Like, our favourite foods, our hopes and dreams... etc.!

Nine: I've heard of these. So they ask and we answer?

OMT!Tails: Yep!

Nitro: The others haven't gotten here yet, so it's just us here to introduce the Q&A.

Nine: By the way... How did you two manage to get here before your dad?

CR!Sonia: Oh! We...

CR!Manik: Dad let us go on ahead to here in advance so we could get ready and stuff.

BK!Amy: Fine with us!

OMT!Tails: Well, before we get started, let's go through the rules of this Q&A. You can look at the post below for a fairly-quick summary, alongside anything we've already answered!

OMT!Tails: If you wanna direct a question to us, just do so with the hashtag "#ask the blur gang", and you may get a response right from any one of us!

Nitro: We also linked a few of our pals over to partake in this Q&A whenever they get the chance. If you wanna ask them anything, just do it with "#ask the heroes' friends".

BK!Amy: Of course, some of the rogues wanted a part in this too, so they've got "#ask the villains" if you wanna ask them about anything.

CR!Sonia: Likewise, the Quill Society wanted to give their two-cents into the Q&A, depending on their attendance, so if you want to drop them anything, use "#ask the quill society".

Nitro: Oh, yeah! Should you wish to ask Benjamin or any of his friends about their stuff, just use "#ask the funkin' crew"! We've linked our character chart just below in case you need it.

CR!Manik: No worries if you forget the tags, though do let us know who you're asking. ^^

BK!Amy: We just ask that you please aim to keep the questions PG-13. There's only so much we can comfortably answer.

Nine: And just remember that the answers will only relate to us as variants of our original counterparts, not them in the original TV series', comics, games, and so forth.

OMT!Tails: There's no time limit to this, so you're welcome to send them whenever you can! Of course, there's no guarantee we'll be able to pick and choose every question available. ^^;

CR!Sonia: You're welcome to share about it on socials if you wish to to get this more attention, too!

OMT!Tails: Heh, yeah.

Mr. Needlemouse: Yeah! Keep it PG-13!! (whispering) Quick, while they're not here, email me some of the most vile and unjust questions known to mankind and I'll gladly- UH OH!

BK!Amy: Okay, you! Get over here!

She chased Mr. NM off-screen.

Mr. NM: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE~!

OMT!Tails: While they, er, let off some steam, let's get started! Be sure to also bring up who you're asking the question to as well. And in addition, you guys can submit up to 3 questions each for us to answer! Until the first question any of our factions receive, see you guys soon!

[collectcr]

🌞🌗🌟RULES AND INFORMATION!🌟🌓🌞

⭐HELLO THERE! The name I go by online Kris, and I'm an Aspiring Filipino roleplayer! I use She/Her pronouns most of the time, and I've been in the RPC for a few years! I have ADHD, and a bit of a hard time remembering things. Please do also excuse any spelling and grammar mistakes in our RP threads! My interests are cartoons, anime, video games and a lot more! Right my interests are placed in: The Owl House! ⭐

🌞INTERACTIONS🌞

• If I seem to 'ignore' you, I might just be busy or out of the house! On the occasions I don't respond after a few days, please remind me because I might have forgotten!😅

•This is a Multi-fandom blog, so crossovers are welcome! And I will be interacting with different fandoms that interest me for that reason!

•I will be mostly roleplaying as close to canon as I can, but aus are welcome too! I will include AU's and other timelines we could use down below.

•English is not my first language, so I apologise if my wording or way of speaking is a bit too bland.

•There will be no smut on this blog. There might however be other mature content like violence and stuff like that! Though maybe it'll mostly just be mentions of it.

•Feel free to point out any spelling/grammatical mistakes! Sometimes I don't spot them before responding-

•If something I do or say makes you uncomfy, please do tell me!:)

🌗SHIPPING?🌓

•The Collector is Child-like, and looks like one too, so I won't do shipping on this blog, but please feel free to reach out to me if you want to do a platonic ship!

• Though for the RP, if other characters come into play, then you're welcome to add ships! Just not for The Collector themselves!

🌠ABOUT THE COLLECTOR🌠

//OOC: I just copy and pasted most stuff from the wiki- ;w;

• The Collector is a former antagonist of The Owl House, acting as the secondary antagonist of the second season and one of two central antagonists of the third season. A mysterious, god-like entity known as a Collector, he  was originally trapped inside the In Between Realm where they spent centuries awaiting their release. When assistance arrived in the form of Emperor Belos, The Collector helped the emperor with the Day of Unity in exchange for his freedom. Once the event proceeded as planned, Belos went back on his word and abandoned The Collector in his prison, only to be freed from it later by King. Upon his release, The Collector took over the Boiling Isles and turned it into his personal playground, with King as his bound companion.

•During his takeover, The Collector resided in the Archive House with King, together partaking in a game with the transformed citizens acting out the adventures of King's life. After Luz helps them understand their wrongdoings, they help protect the citizens during Belos' attack and help fix the Boiling Isles, including reversing the puppet spells he placed on the Boiling Isles citizens. He chooses to return to his home among the stars for introspection, occasionally returning to the Isles to visit his new friends!

💫THE COLLECTOR'S APPEARANCE 💫

•The Collector is a short humanoid being with childlike features. He has tan-yellow skin, bushy white hair and eyebrows, an upward-pointing nose and a large pale blue blotch that eclipses the left side of his face, giving the right side the appearance of a crescent moon shape. The Collector's eyes are yellow and have narrow pupils with scarlet irises. His left leg also appears to be pale blue.

•The Collector wears full-body clothing resembling robes or pajamas with an oversized collar and sleeves. His clothes are split between dark blue on the right and periwinkle-gray on the left. The sleeves have these colors switched, with the right sleeve being periwinkle with blue suns and the left sleeve being blue with periwinkle crescent moons, as well as a magenta border on the rims of the cuffs. He wears a dark purple nightcap with magenta trim and light star-esque spots. He wears dark blue shoes with light gray pom-poms on them. Additionally, he wears a light pink pendant with a purple crescent moon face around his neck.

•The Collector has three small, dark blue stars on his left cheek. On some occasions, usually if he is using magic whilst experiencing strong emotions, such as anger or excitement, his eyes emit a bright glow.

🌃THE COLLECTOR'S PERSONALITY🌃

•The Collector is depicted as a childish and mercurial entity. He is motivated by simple desires, wanting to have fun and play games with others, which he shows in his interactions with Belos, but much like a child, he gets quite emotional and impatient when his wants are not met. He partakes in theatrics often, speaking riddles and rhymes, although he will quickly give up on harder words. Despite his childlike attitude, The Collector has proven to be cruel and heartless when crossed. With a temperamental nature and great power at his fingertips, The Collector is a dangerous and unpredictable force that will not hesitate to punish those who upset him and terrifying others into obeying his demands.

✨AU'S AND TIMELINES WE CAN USE✨

• Shadow or Trappes Collector! A timeline where ((RP-er's muse)), found The Collector's tablet before Philip did.

•The Collector's reign timeline! A timeline where The Collector meets ((The RP-er's muse)), just as they were turning people into puppets in The Boiling Isles!

•The Collector goes back to the stars/Wandering Star timeline! Takes place in space, or another planet, and The Collector meets ((RP-er's muse)) when traveling!

•Human Realm and adopted AU! An alternate universe where The Collector didn't leave, and instead stayed. They live in both The Owl House, and with Luz's family in the human realm!

[tomorrow-and-tomorrows]

JJK 149. Mai Zen'in

It’s fascinating for a battle shounen manga to have a character like Mai who is diametrically opposed to the ideals of strength and self-improvement that are usually valourized in this genre. Mai doesn't die because she can’t get stronger, but because she doesn’t want to. And although that attitude is evidently incompatible with an existence within the world and situation she found herself in, there is no negative value judgment imposed by the narrative itself condemning her unwillingness to unlock her "full potential".

JJK has always foregrounded competing worldviews and how individuals’ different perspectives and values can either coexist or conflict with others. Maki's ambition to transform the Zen'in clan vs. the Zen'ins' regressive conservatism; Gojou's vision for the jujutsu world vs. the higher ups' ; Yuji's "I want to save everyone" vs. Megumi's "I choose who I save" ; Mei Mei's "I'm on the side of money" vs. Nanami leaving a lucrative job to save people out of compassion, and so on.

So it's particularly impressive that, while operating within the shounen genre, the story continues to maintain its respect for this ideological diversity by preserving Mai’s belief in her own worldview to the very end. Simply put, not everyone wants to become powerful even if they may have the potential to. Not everyone wants to live a life of violence, and not everyone wants to be a saviour for others at the direct expense of their own sanity.

It would be perhaps the more optimistic yet potentially oppressive narrative move to demand for Mai's character to undergo a transformation from a character who resists the shounen ideals to one who accepts them. This type of transformation would by no means be inherently negative; I'm definitely not saying that going down this path would have been bad for Mai's character or for the story. But it would succumb to a temptation to move towards a kind of 'sameness' rather than difference in its depiction of ways of acting in the world. I think Mai's ending is all the more striking because it resists this temptation.

Because I think that the more typical - and optimistic - development arc for Mai would have been for her to learn how to be willing to become stronger as a sorcerer and eventually fight alongside Maki.

But instead, Mai never ends up conforming to those dominant values of strength and ambition. Neither is she subjected to the kind of development traditionally favoured by the genre that are along the lines of, 'you just need to believe in yourself and work hard' -- because if we really think about it, often times a lot of feats in shounen are accomplished by sheer willpower and self-conviction. (JJK is not always an exception to that trope, nor is it necessarily a bad thing!). Mai had previously firmly stated her opposing point of view, and this essential attitude never changes even when we perhaps most expect it to.

In this situation, rather than working to improve her technique to create stronger objects without it costing her life, Mai passively accepts that her weakness will require self-sacrifice.

It’s a fatalistic attitude resulting from having never wanted to partake in a life of violence and hardship.

On the one hand, inflexibility and the inability to adapt are not exactly commendable traits; Mai is certainly fixed in her resignation and refusal to work towards her full potential as a sorcerer. On the other hand, to use Nanami's words, being a sorcerer is shit. All the suffering and regret in the story so far has only continued to reaffirm that sentiment. So we also can't fully condemn Mai for rejecting that way of life to the extent that she would rather sacrifice herself than to push forward to have her own "shounen power-up" moment. Because the aftermath of that would be a path likely filled with death, brutality, and suffering.

The wish to live a normal life is a legitimate and valid one. In an ideal world, her clan would not punish her for it. In an ideal world, opposing perspectives, especially ordinarily pacifist ones like Mai's, would be allowed to exist. Mai having to die because she was unable to escape or adapt to the ruthlessness of the jujutsu world exemplifies how cruel that world is. Mai's persistence in her wish for a normal life, and her "failure" as a sorcerer is not her failure at all; her death reflects a failure of the violently rigid jujutsu clan culture.

In this light, it is all the more tragic that Mai's death was entirely preventable, and fated not by the inevitability of actual "fate", but rather entirely by a radically traditionalist clan system.

At the same time, as I mentioned earlier, I find it impressive for Gege to have allowed Mai to hold onto her values. Just as Maki has always stayed true to her dreams of overturning the Zen'in clan by becoming a powerful sorcerer, Mai has always stayed true to her resistance to that dark and difficult path. From a writing perspective, I think it's interestingly respectful to Mai's character in that way. It's also for this reason that I consider this chapter to be a worthy good-bye to Mai, as she is faithful to her own way of being in the world until the end. It may not conform to the demands of the optimistic self-improvement narrative generally preferred by shounen, but it is a valid perspective, and it is never depicted to be 'lesser than' or 'inferior to' the shounen narrative.

I'm always interested in stories in which there is a genuine dialogue of a diversity of voices, each with their own perspectives and viewpoints even as they conflict with each other - or in other words stories that prioritize 'difference' over 'sameness' in ways of being, thinking, and acting. It's not necessarily uncommon - most if not all stories will feature different character motivations within a given cast. But I think JJK does this particularly well in a particularly convincing way, and 149 is further confirmation of this for me.

Finally, it is notable that Mai herself seems to acknowledge this sentiment. She may have been unwilling to imagine a stronger future version of herself, which is opposite to the advice Gojou had given Megumi if he wanted to reach his full potential. But she died for the sake of believing in the stronger future version of Maki, and this is how she is victorious even in death. All the way to the end, Mai had her way of viewing and acting in the world in her individual way, and Maki had hers; importantly, Mai ends up encourages this difference. Right after she states that "You are me, and I am you", that sameness is undercut when Mai immediately after points to their contrasting motivations:

Mai ultimately encourages Maki to live in the way that Maki wants to live - to the fullest potential of her power and the fullest potential for her capacity to force change upon a corrupt system. Before, Mai had resented Maki for moving on without her ("why didn't you fall down the hole with me?") - she resented how Maki couldn't be the same as her in how she viewed the world. In her final chapter, Mai conversely acknowledged that she herself could never see the world exactly the same as Maki.

Therein lies the cornerstone of her character development; before, she resented that difference between them for those twofold reasons. In the last moments of her life, she no longer resents Maki for moving on without her; she encourages her to move forward into the future. It is of course undeniably tragic, as it must be a future without Mai. And no amount of power gained from such a loss could ever be consolation for that tragedy.

It is fitting, then, that Mai's final message to Maki is full of despair -- yet it is also not without hope. In the interplay between 'construction' and 'destruction', it is ironic yet poetic that Mai wished for her object-construction technique's final and greatest creation to be used to destroy - indeed, to "destroy everything". There is undoubtedly despair both in that command, and in Maki's drive to destruction when she emerges from that room. But somewhere, somehow, there must also be the hope that that destruction will be in the service of "construction", of creating a better future for others, even if it is too late for it to be a future in which they can live in together.

[kim-ruzek]

Kim-Ruzek turns one!!

Officially, a year ago today I made this account. I was being driven mad with Thoughts about cpd and burzek and although I thought I'd never come back to Tumblr, I did because I needed to share those Thoughts. I had an idea of how this was going to go; I thought that it was quite likely that I'd get it out my system then move on, and I was very apprehensive about this fandom, thinking there was a not small chance it would be a very toxic and not great place to be in.

Instead... This year has been one of my favourite fandom experiences ever, which really shows how incredible this fandom truly is depending I had a bit of a mental breakdown in October because of the show. My very first week here-- well, give or take, because I started posting at the end of march despite making the account today-- I remarked that this was one of the best fandoms to be in, that everyone was so kind and sweet and honestly that's remained true throughout this whole time.

I was gonna make a bigger deal out of my blogversary, but in typical Ree fashion, I got depressed again and honestly half the things I had planned I felt apathetic towards. BUT I knew I'd hate myself later if I didn't do something (because I really am happy I reached one year!) so I'm doing a very low-key thing. Just a couple of ask game guides and a bit of a fun drabble game-- which will be open to partake in all week!

But before I get into that, I'm gonna tag some of my favourite moots, the people who has made this year really fucking amazing and all who I love so so much. I'll only be naming a few because otherwise I'll forget people, and honestly I could name literally everyone because I love every single one of you;

@fighterkimburgess @adamruz @sylvies-chen @everythingaddictxx @sylviebrettsey @resanoona @piscesgirl87

Now for my celebration activities:

Ask Me Anything: literally just send me any thought, opinion, anything you want to share with me (or the world). It can be something about yourself, not just fandom related!

True or False: I really enjoyed doing this the other day so if anyone wants to send me some statements again I'd love that

Ask about my opinion on anything

Send me an unpopular opinion 👀

Send me a writing prompt: this can be something you've made up yourself, or from the writing prompt lists I'll reblog after this post (Tumblr is not letting me link in site links rn ugh). For any of my oc ships, canon or not, or wlw!!!

And finally: I'm gonna list my fic titles (of unposted/unwritten fics) and if you send me one of them, I'll write a lil scene from it. You can choose if you want it from before the fic is set, during or after, but if you don't specify I can just decide on my own!!! A few of these titles will just be the initials since it'll be ~spoilery~ and I just wanna tease them! Plus some don't have official titles, so this is just what they're called in my notebook planning or my writing documents! (Which I'll put under the cut cos this is getting long!)

Blood Types

FS!K

Falling in love backwards

Makayla gets a bunny

The waves to home

Abusive Sean Roman

Exes

Sylvie x Kim

Kim x Sarah

Co parenting au

WS!A

S4 fix-it

Finding our way again (coming home)

Upgess au (S5)

Starting Over

I have so much ideas that this isn't even the half of it, but they're my ones I'm most excited for/written recently! But if you wanna wildcard me, just send in wildcard (and if you want it from before, during or after) and I'll look at some of my other fics and decide (...and by that I mean probably give a choice of three to Cíara and tell them to choose one sxgvjnk).

S9 fix-it

Undercover Adam

Fractured

I hope you all celebrate my blog turning one with me, and just to say again: all my activities, ask game or fic game, can be sent to me all week (Tuesday - Tuesday)!

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

Zemblanity [Teaser 2]

“Hey! Give it back!” You reached for the book Ten held above his head. It was weathered beyond its years and pages seemed to be falling out of its old leather-bound spine. It was being held loosely together by a thin rope, one that swung precariously around as Ten moved it away from your reach.

“What’s this, your diary?”

“No! I just found it, okay?”

“Oh, so you just happened to find a diary that didn’t belong to you in your room?”

“Yes!”

“I’ll take it, it probably belonged to the last owner, huh? Plus, it’s not your handwriting, I don’t think. I heard the last owner of this room died or something.”

“Well that’s the only way to get out of this place, I guess,” you rolled onto your bed and Ten sat at the edge of it.

“Let’s see what this person’s life was like,” Ten had a devilish grin on his face when he opened the journal. “Ugh, it’s boring.”

“Let me see,” he handed the journal to you and you opened it to the first page. “I… what is this? Some kind of obsession thing.”

“It’s boring!”

You rolled your eyes and read through the first page.

~

I will never forgive them. As I watch each of their tapes… I am disgusted. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. How dare they act like what’s mine is theirs? In this lifetime and all others… she’s mine. How could I forget her? How could I forget the way she held me? I will never forget the first time she told me she loved me, the way my heart fluttered, the way the world felt right, and the way we fell in love all over again. Maybe, perhaps, if I say it myself, she will fall for me once again. I must make note of it here. The confessions they told her, I will make it my own.

'I love you, but you already knew that. What you don't know is how you gave me strength and motivation to move forward, and I can now hold onto your hand tightly.'

'I'm still learning how to steer. Even if I lose my balance, knowing that you're there with me, there will still be a smile on my face.'

‘I love you, I always have, and at this rate, I always will. You don't understand, I have dreams of a future with you, but I can never tell what you're thinking, and your smile always has me guessing.’

‘You have always made me realize that there are no boundaries on the ground and the sky is limitless. I shall always find my way to you, if only we could turn back time.’

‘I've known you for so long, and yet you remain the one puzzle I can't seem to decipher. So, instead, in the colors of your dream, will you put down my name and write your feelings of longing on your expressions?’

‘Together we'll build a nation that's chosen by the heavens, and only dreamers like you and I, my love, are allowed to proudly enter.’

Summary: You were told your whole life to avoid Sector V, but when a series of strange dreams lead you to the entrance, you soon discover that there was more to your late father’s warning than the horrible criminals kept inside.

Release Date: 5 February 2022

Pairing: [Choose Your Ending] WayV x Reader

Genre: Thriller, Mystery, Mild Horror

YN Pronouns: Female (She/Her)

Updates: Every Other Saturday at 6 pm PST

Notes: The foretold rewrite is finally here, I hope you all enjoy it! I fixed a lot of things since its original run and perhaps you’ll enjoy this one a little more compared to the original! You all take care! Also for reference, the original version of this fic is still up on [Ao3] due to some unauthorized copies of it that have floated around before, so it's a just in case!

Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.

[Previous] | [Next]

[Main Masterlist] | [Zemblanity Masterlist]

If you want to be added to either tag list just send me a reply to this post, and ask, or a DM and I’ll add you as soon as possible!

General Tag List: @vickylamore @chxngyunie @sehunnies-hunnie96 @yangsrose @bat-shark-repellant @cloudreads @raeincitizen @here-aeth @lune1897 @gaiyofanfiction @jaeminsespresso @umbralhelwolf @morningsunandnightsky

NCT Tag List: @cherrylovr @eggoyu

Zemblanity: @leesalts @hoshitaro @beefchippp @watersevn @yukine-smx @chelsea-smiile-x3 @fruityutas @tyuningkai @sophie-rebecca17 @hearts4yang @oofimdumb @haechans-sunflower @shyshybabyy

Unable to be Tagged: @mizzdivagirl7-blog @elwiwiwi

[meggannn]

Can you give a review of disco Elysium? Your reblogging of that content makes me mad curious about the game to where I'm debating to get it for the switch

Yes! This is going to be part review and part gushing, because obviously you probably know by now that I love it, but I will try to be honest and say where I think it does work and doesn't.

Long story short, I think it's one of the best games I've ever and probably will ever play, but it's not for everyone. It has dark topics, it can be very dense, and is more like reading a fucked-up detective novel than playing a game at times (though ironically, you can read an actual detective novel in the game, while playing as a detective). Just to give you an idea, the main character also literally hears voices in his head in the form of his "skills" that you can invest points into; this is played with as a springboard into the topic of mental illness and his deteriorating state of mind, but also an insight to how this world works. (It's implied that other characters have skills and stats of their own, but they just don't "hear" theirs speak like you do as the player.)

Note, I hear mixed reviews for the Switch port (I've heard it crashes, has long load times, and it can be hard to read all the text on small screens) but there is a physical cartridge coming out on March 15 so maybe they'll fix some of the bigger problems by then.

Spoiler-free review and breakdown of the game's major mechanics and themes below the cut. Cut because it's long; I tried to divide it based on what reviewers might normally write about.

Gameplay: Disco Elysium is an isometric RPG with a limited map with its core gameplay mechanics being dialogue interactions, choices, and table-top style dice rolls for more difficult actions. There is no active combat. Things like "prying open a dumpster to look for evidence" and "come up with a motive for why someone would do this" are actions you'd have to roll for, and equipping different outfits, and leveling up related skills (physical instrument, empathy, logic) can make these checks easier. Since the dialogue is such a core feature, the writing can get very dense, and DE tackles some very complex topics, including everything from the politics, economics, and races of this universe, to the brands of chewing gum and popular karaoke songs. Think of it like part detective story, part RPG, part mind-twister.

Gameplay 2: Rolling to pass checks: Passing checks isn't automatically a good thing and failing them isn't automatically bad; you should think carefully if you want to make some rolls, even if it's tempting when you see you have a high chance of passing. Some of the checks are fun (sing karaoke), some are serious (talk down someone with a gun), some are morally gray (steal drugs from another addict just to take them yourself), and some of them are downright terrible (punch a child). Also, if you fail one, there are almost always ways to get around it or solve the quest a different way; I appreciated that a lot cause it forced me to solve quests in other ways I wouldn't normally.

Content warnings: A lot. Substance abuse is rampant and the player can participate in it (mild spoiler: your character is an alcoholic and drug addict, you can choose whether or not to partake), descriptions of dead/decomposing bodies, police brutality, descriptions of rape and sexual violence, racism, sexism, child abuse, children using substances, real life and in-world slurs, mental illness and depression, suicide mentions and possible depictions (it is possible for your character to kill himself, though it results in a game over, and it IS something the player has to select with full authority), and overall viscous critique of various political ideologies. I'm being deliberately vague in this post to avoid spoiling but if you want any details about certain things, let me know (like how far the potential suicide scene goes, or how sexual violence appears).

Story: You wake in a trashed hotel room with no memory of who you are or how you got there. There is a body hanging from a tree in the backyard of the hotel, as it has been for seven days; you discover that you are a detective who drunk himself into such a stupor that you literally forgot his past, and it is your job to solve the murder. To help you, a detective from another precinct arrives, and together you have to investigate clues, interview around the neighborhood, and navigate the complexities of a local union and their company as the case becomes more intertwined with an ongoing worker strike.

The World: The story takes place in the fictional world of Elysium; more specifically, in a slum area called Martinaise in the city of Revachol. Revachol is a bit of a mess. From the developers' blog: There is no city in the world with more contrasts than Revachol. The broken, magnificent, disgraced former capital of the world. A great sky on fire, reflecting off broken glass. Revachol the Suzerain, Revachol the Commune, Revachol the Administrative Region where all forms of government have failed. Revachol the Resolver, the answer to the great burning questions of history. How should we live? Will the horror ever end?

Revachol is just one small part of Elysium, but this corner of the world has a mix of European influences that are difficult to quantify: playing in English, at a glance I recognized French, Spanish, Dutch, and I think Polish scattered throughout. Seol, a faraway continent, is implied to be based off of Korea or Japan.

Characters: Phenomenal across the board. I love how NPCs will actually react to your weirder video game–typical behavior (like hogging everything you pick up and clearing out conversation topics like it's a checklist), and it will affect future interactions with them. A standout character and fan favorite is Kim Kitsuragi, the lieutenant from Precinct 57, who serves as the "straight man" in most situations where you run around asking NPCs basic questions like "what is money" and "who am I again?" It's hard to nail the balance of a character who's a little dry and stiff, but is also a serviceable deuteragonist while also being likable; I don't think I've seen another character that has affected players' behavior to the point where people are willing to change their play styles altogether just to avoid displeasing or disappointing him. Aside from Kim, you really get the sense that everyone is a fully-fledged human with a life to live outside of the map you see; some of them already have lived their lives and you're seeing what the world has made of them.

Voice acting: So so good. Some of the voices were odd choices, and I won't deny certain ones didn't do it for me, but for the most part, I think they're consistently excellent. It might be a case where mediocre performances just stand out negatively when compared to the rest of other brilliant talent.

The writing: This game has some of the best writing I've ever seen. Hands down. It may not always be accessible, is the thing; there's a lot of dense world-building, political negotiating, and even a bit of telling and not showing, but mechanically, effectively, and emotionally, easily the best-written game I've ever played. I mentioned that it tackles a lot of dark topics, but I would do it a disservice to not mention how genuinely funny it is. A lot of it is dark humor, but a lot of other scenes are just genuinely hysterical.

Skills: Imagine 24 people gathered around a table and divided up your brain’s functions. That's what your skills are like: people with jobs to do, and they all have opinions on how you should do yours. You can invest in these skills to help you solve the case and interact with the world. The fact that all of these skills are fully voiced means they all become their own characters—24 often sarcastic voices inside the main character's head helping you try to solve the case. Some are more informative, designed to vibe you information, but others have opinions. They are all unique, tailored to their own interests, and all want different things. They're divided into four categories:

Intellect: has Logic, Encyclopedia (offering you information on the world's lore, or at least what that your brain remembers as an amnesiac), Rhetoric (controls your own speech for maximum effectiveness and also understanding what other people are saying behind their words), Drama (can lie and detect lies), Conceptualization (your creativity skill, or the ability to find motives initially beyond your understanding), and Visual Calculus (for reconstructing crime scenes)

Physique: has Endurance, Pain Threshold, Physical Instrument, Electrochemistry (mostly known as the drug skill that wants you to indulge early and often, it can also detect when others are high or drunk or if there are drugs around; it's sort of your instant gratification skill, so it's your id in a way), Shivers (the ability to hear—and feel—the city around you, to the point where it literally gives you "shivers"), Half-Light (your fight-or-flight instinct)

Psyche: has Volition (your willpower and mental health stat—the ability to mentally make it through), Inland Empire (gut feelings), Empathy, Authority (the stat that wants you to push your weight around, and also senses when someone's trying to do it to you), Esprit de Corps (understanding—and sometimes seeing—other police throughout the city), Suggestion (for charming and manipulation)

Motorics: has Hand-Eye Coordination, Perception, Reaction Speed, Savoir Faire (coolness stat), Interfacing (help for dealing with machines and tools), Composure (helpful for interviewing witnesses)

There are two health bars: your physical health bar (represented by how many points you have in Endurance) and your morale health (represented by Volition). If either of these hit zero, you die. You can take drugs to increase these bars, however, a drug might boost your stats temporarily but lower your health; drinking will boost your health but lower your morale; and of course, if you're trying to play as a recovering addict, then you might want to avoid substances entirely.

Each of these skills has their own time and place, of course, but since they all have voices and wants of their own, you have to decide when to listen to one and not another. Rhetoric will read between the lines and tell you what a suspect is really saying; Drama will assume they're lying; Authority will want you to interrogate her forcefully; Empathy will want you to, well, show empathy; Suggestion will want you to subtly play her against her allies; and Inland Empire will want you to back out of this conversation now because she's starting to remind you of your ex.

An interesting feature is that too many points in one skill can start to make them unreliable. Electrochemistry is great for understanding when someone is high and what they're high on, but too much into that skill and it'll tell you licking up that whiskey from a puddle on the counter is a great idea. Even so-called "good" stats, like Volition, have their downsides at high levels: Volition cares about your mental health and willpower and will focus on getting you through the tasks at had sometimes at the cost of others.

My personal favorite is when you get the chance to talk to the skills, or even when the skills talk to each other.

Mechanics: DE does assume you know the basics of how games work. There is a tutorial page and tips that crop up regularly, but it doesn't always hold your hand and sometimes you have to figure out how to do things on your own. The map is beautiful, but it is also sometimes confusing to navigate what is walkable and what isn't. Fortunately, there is a way to highlight all interactable objects and people, so you can quickly see where the rough edges of the map exist within your vision. So overall, there are some things that work fine and other things that are just awkward. Mostly, I recommend saving often just in case you run into an unfortunate bug or something.

Is this game good for beginners? Yes and no. There are no quick-time reactions, so it doesn't require you to think or react fast; in fact, the game moves very slowly, so you can take your time to decide every move. That said, it does assume you know the staples of any game and are familiar with role-playing: an inventory system, a quest log, a map, etc. I also recommend saving frequently; it doesn't autosave that often, and given how often it is possible to accidentally mess up or even die from low morale by way of a heart attack. I do generally recommend against save scumming (when you reload a save and re-roll dice to get another result, e.g. to try to pass a check you failed), but some people want to get the most out of one playthrough and aren't interested in playing a game twice, so I won't judge.

Politics: The game is very political and the politics are unavoidable. There are four factions in this universe: fascism (nationalism), communism, ultraliberalism (although I think this is based off the European version of liberalism, which basically capitalism), and moralism (centrism; basically what the game assigns you by default if you keep saying "none of the above" to any political topic).

Also, and this might sound a bit gatekeepery, but... I think the game assumes you can analyze what you're reading and playing and won't take everything at face value. It trusts you will understand that just because a corporate negotiator is nice to you, and has sympathetic moments, doesn't mean she's on your side or even that the game is agreeing with her. Just because a union leader is mean and corrupt doesn't mean the writers are against unions. Etc. You'll have to judge who to trust on your own.

And the elephant in the room: The game is about the police. You play as a policeman, and the characters will react to you as you'd expect many people in a poor ghetto would react to a cop. You can be polite and considerate, or you can also be a raging, abusive cop pushing around his authority. Mild spoilers: As you find out more about who you were, you also get the sense that pre-amnesia, you were not always (if ever) a... uh, great person while in uniform.

Real world relevance: The creators grew up in Estonia during Soviet occupation, so it's not hard to see how they were influenced. You can speculate on what they were trying to say with the game, but personally it seems to me to be a story made by leftists who are very, very tired of not only right-wing and center but also left-wing politics, and want to represent life and living after revolutions and politics fail the people. The story of Revachol is a story of a place where communist revolutionaries tried to make "something new" happen, but were ultimately taken over by foreign powers that forced capitalism upon the region, and now people have to figure out how to move on when they have no government of their own but they are a "Zone of Control" under a centrist, slow-moving foreign power.

--

So I think that's all I've got without getting into spoilers. This game made me laugh and think and turned my brain inside out. That said, it is definitely a commitment, but it's easily my new favorite indie game of all time; probably in my top three games ever. It's a shame that the Hugo Awards only started giving awards to games in 2021 (going to the well-deserved Hades), because if they had started just one year earlier, I think this would've won in 2020.

[hedgehog-moss]

I'm not sure if this is a meaningful distinction, but is the issue that French genuinely uses a longer (written) sentence to say the same thing, or is it a difference in the level of formality expected from the text? (e.g "Hydrolic fracturing in the United Kingdom" is about as long as your French example)

That’s a good question—it probably comes down to French being the rigid sort of language and English, the malleable sort. French breaks if you bend it; you can’t get away with deleting an article here and switching word order there (or it’s a rare instance when you can). It’s not a difference in formality per se but more that an alteration that would merely make an English sentence sound less formal, would in French read as a grammatically broken sentence. Just take the word “that”��it can be omitted in English for several of its functions, as a relative pronoun, as a subordinating conjunction (I took the pen (that) she offered, I knew (that) she would come), at worst it makes the sentence sound more casual. In French you can’t just choose to delete the subordinating conjunction in our sacrosanct complément d’objet direct.

So one reason why French ends up with longer sentences / texts than English is that very few of its little grammatical devices are optional or adaptable if you want the text to make sense, let alone if you want it to be well-written (I’m talking about written French here, oral language has different rules). English is remarkably tolerant of tinkering to fit your current needs (e.g. a shorter sentence for a title) while French won’t easily let itself be distorted to suit your purposes, both in terms of syntax and vocabulary. (It’s easier to coin neologisms in English, partly because so much of its core vocabulary is monosyllabic, so blending and compounding are go-to techniques that will result in a relatively non-cumbersome term, while in French you either get a 9-syllable monstrosity, or something awkward-sounding because it demands a preposition like à or de that English can choose to dispense with.)

English is in many ways a serviceable language that you feel like you can use like a personal tool, while French feels more external to you, something that stiffly resists rather than gives, and will point you towards The One True Path. (One advantage is that it’s easier in French to figure out why a sentence sounds wonky and how to fix it.) Overall English feels more democratic while French feels more aristocratic (in the way Tocqueville meant it, when he wrote that aristocracies are places ruled by the weight of tradition and “language must naturally partake of that state of repose in which everything remains.”) And I think both languages can be used in ways that are very beautiful and poetic, both have their own merits and flaws—they just have very different textures, French being quite mercilessly inelastic while English has this more forgiving springiness to it.

[emmbebee]

why my lawlight playlist absolutely smacks

no for real hear me out

with most of my playlists i like to keep some sort of order, so this one is in order chronologically

———————————————————————

the sharpest lives:

You're the one that I need

I'm the one that you loathe You can watch me corrode Like a beast in repose

Give me a shot to remember And you can take all the pain away from me Your kiss and I will surrender The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead

what you deserve:

Tell me just how deep you would dig/If you could bury me

I'd claw my way back through hell to bring you to your knees/I want to see your face as you watch world fall apart at the seams

I know all your secrets/I know all your lies

ignorance:

You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me/Well, sentence me to another life

chasing you:

Won’t get too close to you Because the thrill of it Is tryna get you, get you, get you

Constantly closing in Don’t wanna lose, but then again Don’t really wanna win

beautiful crime:

Take what you need, say your goodbyes I gave you everything And it's a beautiful crime

Each breath I left behind Each breath you take is mine Walking on a line ten stories high Fear a fall, you're asking why

I have to make an end so we begin To save my soul at any cost

tennis court:

Because I'm doin' this for the thrill of it, killin' it Never not chasin' the million things I want

Let's go down to the tennis court And talk it up like yeah (yeah)

losing my religion:

Every whisper, of every waking hour I'm choosing my confessions Trying to keep an eye on you Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool

never wanna fall in love:

I never wanna fall in love with you 'Cause I know you would break my heart in two There are so many things I'd rather do Than fall in love and end up blue

Oh what a shame Fragile lovers can't partake in games

jet black heart:

See a war I wanna fight it See a match I wanna strike it Every fire I've ignited Faded to grey

'Cause I've got a jet black heart And there's a hurricane underneath it Trying to keep us apart I write with a poison pen But these chemicals moving between us Are the reason to start again

just one yesterday:

Oh, I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way Still I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday

If I spilled my guts The world would never look at you the same way Now, I'm here to give you all of my love So I can watch your face as I take it all away, away, away, yeah

little lies:

So I'll settle for one day to believe in you Tell me, tell me, tell me lies

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

my strange addiction:

Bad, bad news One of us is gonna lose I'm the powder, you're the fuse Just add some friction

from eden:

Honey you're familiar like my mirror years ago Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on it's sword Innocents died screaming, honey ask me I should know I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

bad religion:

To me, it's nothing but a one-man cult And cyanide in my styrofoam cup I can never make him love me Never make him love me Love me

problems:

I've found love in the strangest place Tied up and branded, locked in a cage I say I'm gonna stage a great escape Let loose a love all pent up and painfully out of place

hurricane:

You and God both got the guns When you shoot, I think I'd duck

Oh, I'd confess, I'd confess To the room where I'm blessed But he didn't come and speak to me Or put my heart at ease And I believe that half the time I am a wolf among the sheep Gnawing at the wool over my eyes

Fix me or conflict me I'll take anything

waterloo:

Waterloo I was defeated, you won the war Waterloo Promise to love you forever more

Waterloo Couldn't escape if I wanted to Waterloo Knowing my fate is to be with you

And how could I ever refuse I feel like I win when I lose

------start of yotsuba arc------

playing god:

Well, maybe you should tie me up So I don't go where you don't want me

You say that I've been changing That I'm not just simply aging Yeah, how could that be logical? Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat

If God's the game that you're playing Well, we must get more acquainted Because it has to be so lonely To be the only one who's holy

It's just my humble opinion But it's one that I believe in You don't deserve a point of view If the only thing you see is you

every breath you take:

Every breath you take And every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you

Every single day And every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

ready for it:

Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom Holdin' him for ransom

I see nothing better, I keep him forever Like a vendetta-ta

And he can be my jailer, Burton to this Taylor Every lover known in comparison is a failure

head over feet:

I had no choice but to hear you You stated your case time and again I thought about it

You've already won me over in spite of me Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are I couldn't help it It's all your fault

killer + the sound:

Sometimes I think I'm a killer Scared you in your house

But I can't sleep next to a body Even harmless in death Plus I'm pretty sure I'd miss you Faking sleep to count your breath

Can the killer in me Tame the fire in you? Is there nothing left to do for us? I am sick of the chase But I'm hungry for blood And there's nothing I can do

peace:

All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other

But there's robbers to the east, clowns to the west I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me

light my love:

Your mind is a stream of colors Extending beyond our sky A land of infinite wonders A billion lightyears from here now

out like a light:

Take me up tight Strung up like a kite Dumb, wicked, and white Love me in spite And if I betray our lonely nights spent out like a light With no kiss goodnight Would we ever fight when I'm away?

-----end of yotsuba arc------

everything i wanted:

If I knew it all then would I do it again? Would I do it again? If they knew what they said would go straight to my head What would they say instead?

im a fool to want you:

I'm a fool to hold you Such a fool to hold you To seek a kiss not mine alone To share a kiss the Devil has known

Take me back, I love you Pity me, I need you I know it's wrong, it must be wrong But right or wrong I can't get along Without you

moonlight on the river:

I'd say, see you later, if I thought I'd see you later And I'd tell you, that I loved you, if I did It's so strange, deciding, how to feel about it It's such strange, emotion, standing there beside it

I'm home, with moonlight on the river, saying my goodbyes I'm home, there's moonlight on the river, everybody dies

atlantis:

I can't save us My Atlantis, we fall We've built this town on shaky ground I can't save us My Atlantis, oh no We've built it up to pull it down

Losing everything I've ever known It's all become too much Maybe I'm not built for love If I knew that I could reach you, I would go

i don’t love you:

When you go And would you even turn to say I don't love you Like I did Yesterday

no children:

I hope it stays dark forever I hope the worst isn't over And I hope you blink before I do And I hope I never get sober

And I hope when you think of me years down the line You can't find one good thing to say And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out You'd stay the hell out of my way

I am drowning There is no sign of land You are coming down with me Hand in unlovable hand

And I hope you die I hope we both die

diary of jane:

Try to find out What makes you tick, as I lie down Sore and sick, do you like that? Do you like that? There's a fine line Between love and hate and I don't mind Just let me say that I like that I like that

Something's getting in the way Something's just about to break I will try to find my place In the diary of Jane

Desperate I will crawl Waiting for so long, no love There's no love Die for anyone What have I become?

burn bright:

Well if you're lost little boy The cameras pull you right back down, yeah It's like a chemical burn

I'm peeling off your skin, yeah And when you see your face Well you'll never be the same again, yeah

Cause if you just stop breathing I'll stop, stop my heart I'll stop breathing too

Don't go if you got more to say 'Cause the world don't need

Another hopeless cause Though it makes me who I am 'Cause it makes me who I am And you made me who I am And you made me who I am Be afraid of what I am

look what you made me do (lol):

I don't like your little games Don't like your tilted stage The role you made me play of the fool No, I don't like you

I don't like your perfect crime How you laugh when you lie

But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

I don't like your kingdom keys They once belonged to me You asked me for a place to sleep Locked me out and threw a feast

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams

two slow dancers:

We're just two slow dancers, last ones out We're two slow dancers, last ones out

And the ground has been slowly pulling us back down You see it on both our skin We get a few years and then it wants us back

To think that we could stay the same

clean:

Hung my head as I lost the war And the sky turned black like a perfect storm

Rain came pouring down When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe

sleep:

Don't you breathe for me Undeserving of your sympathy 'Cause there ain't no way that I'm sorry for what I did

And through it all, how could you cry for me? 'Cause I don't feel bad about it So shut your eyes Kiss me, goodbye And sleep Just sleep

Just sleep Wake up!

-------L's death--------

my tears ricochet:

If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too

You know I didn't want to have to haunt you But what a ghostly scene

And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky) And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same Cursing my name, wishing I stayed You turned into your worst fears

why didn’t you stop me:

I know that I ended it, but Why won't you chase after me? You know me better than I do So why didn't you stop me?

I look for a picture of you To keep in my pocket But I can't seem to find one Where you look how I remember

careless whisper:

I'm never gonna dance again Guilty feet have got no rhythm Though it's easy to pretend I know you're not a fool

Should've known better than to cheat a friend And waste the chance that I'd been given So I'm never gonna dance again The way I danced with you

To the heart and mind Ignorance is kind There's no comfort in the truth Pain is all you'll find

Maybe it's better this way We'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say

We could have been so good together We could have lived this dance forever

Now that you're gone (Now that you're gone) Was what I did's so wrong, so wrong That you had to leave me alone?

[ice-cream-writes-stuff]

¤~°The Nutcracker!°~¤

It was Christmas eve and the snowflakes fell from the heavens above like shooting stars. Covering the house below in it's snowy kisses. Inside the abode was guests galore! One of the guest's though was someone quite important to our story. Now, let's sees what they're up to..

A young boy with lilac hair sat by the fire place. His crystal blue eyes stare at the flickering flames with boredom. "Epel." The soft voice of his grandmother calls out to him. Epel looks behind his shoulder to see his grandmother sitting in her wooden rocking chair.

A small red box wrapped in a (f/c) ribbon sat in her boney hands. The boy hadn't noticed the box until his grandma pointed it out to him. "Epel, here is your Christmas present. I know it's a bit early to give this to you. But I think you'll like it very much."

Epel had had gotten up from his spot on the floor and walked over to his grandma. Staring at the box with curiousity as it was handed to him. The old woman smiles at her grandson, telling him to open it. The boy nods and untied the (f/c) bow and pulls the lid of the red box so it could open. Epel's blue eyes widen in surprise at his gift.

A well crafted nuttcracker layed inside the box.

"Grandma.. Thank you." Epel says happily, taking in the details of wooden solider. "Your welcome, Epel." His grandma yawns and tells him that she was gonna head off to bed.

The lilac haired boy nods when hearing her words, but his mind was elsewhere. For he was still marveling over the object given to him.

His grandmother had left to her room, not before telling Epel to go to bed as well. But as said before, his mind was elsewhere. The young teen yawns and sits down on the couch. The warmth of the fire making him at ease while his eyes were a bit heavy. He blinks rapidly to fight off the sleepiness.

Then something stranged was happening. He felt as if he was growing smaller and smaller each passing second. When he blinks again, the world around him was huge! "Where am I?!!"

Epel starts to look around for a answer, but gets frightened when a voice calls out to him. "Hello! You down there, are you alright?!" The young Felmier looks up to see a young woman, maybw around his age gaze down at him from the couch. Who seemed awfully familiar to him, but he couldn't point his finger on who it was exactly.

"I'm coming down!"

Epel stares at the woman as if she were crazy. Who in their right mind would jump from such a height?! Before Epel could tell her not to, her figure starts to fall closer to the ground. The country boy tries to find where she was gonna land so he can catch her. But ends tripping over his feet and stumbling to the ground.

"Ow.." He utters, sitting up on his knees as he looks over his arms for any injures. Not hearing the sound of a soft thud a few steps away from him. A figures walks up to him and crouches down in front of him, holding out a white gloved hand out for him to take. "Are you alright?" Epel looks up at the beauitful woman in front of him.

She wore a red soldier uniform with a single golden medal attached to her shirt. A tall black hat covered her head as strands of (h/c) poke out from underneath. She had (e/c) eyes that stared at him with worry. "Y-your.."

"I'm..?"

"Your my nutcracker! How are you- who are-!"

Before he could continue, a sound of a feet skirting around was heard. (Y/N) stands in front of Epel in a protective stance. Pulling out her sword, she carefully watched her surroundings.

 "Something isn't right.."

Epel mutters as he stares at the taller females back. A soft squeak was heard and soon a figure steps out from the shadows. The person was a man with blonde hair that had violet purple tips at the ends. His violet hues pierce at Epel's figure with disdain. Said boy could feel himself glare at the man- or mouse?

He did have two small mouse ears planted on his head.

"Who are you! What business do you have with us?" His nutcracker yelled at the mouse man. Her stance not faltering in the slightest as the male drew closer. His red cape drapped over his shoulder shifting as he walk.

"I am the Mouse King, you, dear nutcracker, have found a rat in my kingdom. I ask of you to dispose of it and become my bride." The Mouse King orders, "if not. My faithful soldiers will take care of it themselves before our wedding."

The nutcracker stares at the king in confusion. "I don't belong to you, I belong to my prince." The Mouse King scowls, "you have disobeyed my orders. As such, your so called prince will perish as well!" The Mouse Kings soldiers come out from the shadows and charge at them.

Epel's nutcracker tells him to hide as she goes forward to attack. The lilac haired male nods hesitantly and hides behind a giant present box. Watching from the side lines with his mind swirling with so many thoughts.

Waiting until the rat soldiers come closer, the female swings her sword and slices some of the rodents. More and more mice come out to attack as each one fell or runs away. Not a single one hit her until one of the soldiers swords slice her leg badly. "AHH!" She yelled in pain, Epel heard her cries and leaves out of his hiding spot without question.

But what could he do? He was rather small than his actual form, how can he save her? Epel looks up and sees the shine of the ornaments from the tree and a idea pops in his head. Running up to the tree, he hurriedly climbs up. Carefully, he balances himself on the branches and pushes the ornaments along with the decorations off the tree. They fall like meteors to the ground and shatter. Scaring the rats from attacking any longer.

"Retreat!" The Mouse King yells, the rodents head back into the shadows. No longer battling. "*Phew~*" Epel sighs, but smiles in victory.

"Hah! Stupid mouse." The male said joyfully, before he could cheer more. He saw his nutcracker on the floor. Gasping, he climbed down towards the ground and rushes over to her. "Your hurt!"

The female could only wince as she nodded her head. Epel looks down at her body, but then sees her leg. Her leg was chopped off, yet there was no blood spilling out from the wound. He needed something to wrap it with! Seeing a gold ribbon from a wrapped present box. The small male gets up quickly to rip a bit of it so he could use it for her wound.

Once he used the ribbon to patch up her leg. He helps her up onto her feet. "Are you okay?" Epel asks quietly, his nutcracker could only grin at his kind heart. "You're truly the one I'm meant to be with."

"Eh?"

"Dear prince Epel, thank you for saving me!" The female proclaimed happily, her grin growing as the liliac haired male stares at her with surprise. "I-I'm not a prince?!"

"Your dressed like one though.."

"What?!" Looking down, he sees his pajamas, now turned into what a prince from some storybook would wear. "H-how did this even happen!" The female soldier could only shrug her shoulders. "Maybe the sugar plum fairy knows? She might even be able to get you back home!"

Epel stops panicking and stares at the soldier with confusion. "Sugar Plum fairy? Who's that?" His nutcracker explained that the sugar plum fairy rules over the land, they also have strong magic that could fix any problem you have. "How do we get to them?" The country boy asks, "it will take a few hours to get to their castle. We must go now before the rat king comes once again with a bigger army."

Epel nods, "alright." A gentle smile on his lips as the soldier leads the way. Just like that, a whimsical and romantic adventure has begun for the two souls.

_______________________

"Epel? Epel, hey wake up?" (Y/N) whispers, shaking the Pomifore students sleeping body. Yet to no avail. "Hey (Y/N), continue the story!" Ace said, gripping the pillow in his lap as Deuce and Yuu nod in agreement.

"Alright, alright. So what happen next.."

(This is for my Christmas or New Year Challenge! Since I decided I'll also partake in it! I choose Epel because of the release of chapter five and SSR Epel card! The challenge is still on going until Dec 31. If you wish to participate then check out my rules in the link right here. [Link] Thanks for reading!)

[actualhumansunshine]

damn i wasn’t expecting such a harsh response tbh... you critique niall sometimes (about not following covid guidelines & doing stuff you find embarrassing) so i thought you might get it. idc about the relationship or who he made it for it just felt way too cheesy to me and i couldn’t sit through the whole thing so i sent that ask sorry if it felt like an attack on their relationship or something

i get that and i probably did come across a bit too harsh in my jokes, but the thing is i just....don't really care when it comes to him? the traveling definitely sucks and it's not ok on any level, but at the same time, a) basically every fucking celeb did it to some extent because—as we talked about with niall last summer—they literally just Don't Fucking Get It, and at a certain point, i feel like it's just not worth the time or energy to be continually raging about it? it’s not going to fix it. it's not going to change past or make him suddenly apologize or whatever else it is people want from him a full year later. all it's going to do is ruin your own experience (and potentially even HIM) as a fan because you’re constantly focusing on these negatives all the time. and if those actions are something that you can't get past or reckon with, that's fair enough, but then i’d say it’s probably also time to take a step back for your own mental health and well-being yk??

and b) that happened before i was a fan of him? maybe (definitely) i'd have stronger feelings about it if it happened while i was actively a fan, but because it happened 6+ months before, i'm probably a bit more willing to let it slide, especially when—as i said before—EVERY fucking celeb was doing that shit. but part of that's probably also due to the fact that i've been deep enough in the niall/1d fandom for such a long time now that i've seen (and formulated an opinion on!!) alllllllllll the drama, going back years and years at this point. honestly, it's a very reactionary way to partake in fandom and i've found, especially more and more lately, that instead of being something that’s providing joy and fun into my life, it’s almost become a soul-sucking drain of negativity (especially when niall’s not around much and the fandom is left to it’s own devices, and chooses to use that time to invent drama where there’s no need for it). so going into being a fan with seb, i've sort of been making the conscious choice to step back and focus less on the personal stuff and the discourse and whatever else, and more just on enjoying the content he provides as it comes. i don't WANT to have to have an opinion on every single thing he does or every single thing that's said about him, because that’s not something that brings me joy.

and so with regards to your message in particular, it did feel VERY MUCH like you were implying things about his relationship that i’m not interested in entertaining in any capacity whatsoever, so obviously i’m gonna shut that shit down yk? and if we’re being honest, it’s not just you, but i think this constant stream of critiques and comments about it being ‘cringy’ or ‘embarrassing’ i’ve been seeing are kinda just rude as fuck?? he clearly put a lot of time and effort and care into it, it’s presumably that will make her feel special and loved, and for that alone i think it’s special and valuable. and i’m not saying that everyone has to like it, cause grand romantic gestures are inherently not going to hit the same for every single person in the world, but it’s not about the reaction of everyone in the fucking world? it’s all about the person on the receiving end and doing what will make them feel special and loved, and so seeing so many people acting like this content is meant to be all about them and their own personal preferences is a) stupid, b) wrong, ESPECIALLY when it’s not like this (making dumb little movies for ig) is something he’s never done before. basically, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all 🤷‍♀️

[westernwoodblogs]

1, 2, 15, 23 & 30 for the desticule asks? ^^

Thank you so much for partaking. 😬💖

1. Favorite episode? Okay funnily enough I think coming back to spn fandom after 3 yrs pretty much has changed that. So it used to be 3x11, Mystery spot. Now, I'm riding on my memory of 11x05, Baby as my current favorite. I love whenever the outsider perspective is utilized in the show...to varying degrees of success of course. This was the best executed one. It has everything I'd want from a special episode. CAS IS ACTUALLY HERE. And I love this car.

2. Worst episode and I cant say bugs or the last 2? I'm currently doing a rewatch and I'm about to start s3. But the way that some episodes in s2 were especially hard to get through and one in particular gave me a headache: 2x10, Hunted. THE RACISM IS UNREAL. They should've stuck to the ava plotline the whole episode. Adding in Gordon just...🤢. It really doesnt age well and the more I think on it, it woulda been a shitty episode too when it aired.

15. Just 3 things to change?? I have literal pages upon pages of things I would and am actively changing about spn. Yall'll have to wait till I finally drop my rewrite in fragments. But i will let you in on 3 things about the fx spn rewrite (yes I'm very annoying about it.)

Bobby dies and stays dead in s5 post the dodged apocalypse.

Lisa and Ben dont exist. I hate to pit women against one another but lisa's not even a substantial character. I dont care for her enough to fix that. Sorry lisa. Dean spends season 6 with cassie robinson who has relevancy outside of her lone episode.

Finally...more people of color and marginalized identities. That's queer folk, disabled folk, neurodivergent folk, more respectful depictions of non-western religions and folklore. (Also a lot of racebending dont come for me 😌✌🏽)

These were completely random in choosing.

23. One thing for the jackles 'whatever-the-hell- he-may-do' reboot?? Spinoff??...this is full and utter wish fulfillment but, if it completely does not acknowledge the final 2 episodes. At all. It's be great.

30. What am I reading now in terms of destiel? Well atm I've been on and off reading Absolution at the Five-and-Dime by DeanRH. I'm utterly in love with the drifter culture they have given a glimpse into with this fic, and the flashbacks in the earlier chapters to Sam and Dean's childhood in a setting where they spent a year away from J*hn. There's so much there I love, be that the memorable OC's or the pretty good smut if you ask me. Very much rec this fic. I just need to finish it!! It also doesnt help that a lot of my favorite concepts for the Good Supernatural that lives in my Head, also resides in this work.

Fics I want to read... There are so many I've put on the back burner but, the first to come to mind was Bring Up the Deep by deathbanjo. Just started listening to this amazing destiel fanfic podcast. You should totally check it out if that sounds like your thing. It's called the Mixtape Book Club and they are on spotify. You might even recognize the hosts and their guests since they are all content creators in this fandom with some legendary work. Anyways, this was one of their spotlight fics on their horror themed episode and from their description of the premise and the writing style, I was hooked in to give it a shot. Do tread carefully this could possibly be a bit of a squick fic. But yeah!