#i'm not in the right state to cook or bake anything but y'know

[archduke-enver-gortash]

nothing awakens my inner rage quite like scrolling through an online recipe being bombarded with 5 gazillion ads making the site crash every 3 minutes and trying to get through the author's life story and their personal experience when they ate this dish for the first time or whatever the fuck it’s so fun

[official-impravidus]

Could you do “Why did you choose me?” for Parkner?

"Why did you choose me?"

Harley's head turns suddenly, the words registering in his mind but not fully comprehending.

In his defense, he isn't expecting that sort of question while they're standing in the canned vegetable aisle of the grocery store.

Harley had been in an intense mental debate between two different brands of baked beans when Peter said the words that still aren't making sense.

"To go... grocery shopping with me?" Harley asks slowly.

"No. I... to be with you."

"At the grocery store?"

"In this relationship."

Harley blinks, the confusion quickly shifting into concern and alarm. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"Something's gotta be wrong if you're asking questions like that while holding a can of Del Monte corn. Which, maybe set that down before you crack it open." Harley gently pulls the now very dented can from Peter's hand, his touch slackening his grip. Harley intertwines their fingers. "Where's this comin' from?"

"There's a lot of corn in the world."

"...Yeah I guess so. Tennessee's more of a soybean state than corn, but I know there's the yellow and purple kind. Probably more. There's blue ones right? Because the chips are blue." He pauses. "We should get some salsa."

"Harley," Peter says, grabbing Harley's hand as he starts to drift towards the canned tomatoes. "There's a lot of corn in the world. There's corn on the cob and the kind that come off the cob in freezer bags and kernels that turn into popcorn—"

"I don't think I'm following."

"—and there's the kind that comes in the can," Peter finishes, breath heaving like he's just single-handedly fought of a whole hoard of aliens. "And... and the kind that comes in the can is tinny and it's submerged in water and you've gotta drain the water out and when you warm it up it gets hard but if you don't then it's lukewarm unless you put it in the fridge and have it cold but then the can is cold—"

"Peter," Harley says, grabbing Peter's face in his hands.

"I'm like canned corn. I've got all these extra steps and extra problems and extra baggage and trauma and you could have the corn on the cob or the frozen corn or anything easier than canned."

Harley stares at Peter, mind racing as it finally clicks. He runs a thumb over Peter's cheek and presses a soft kiss to his forehead.

"Corn on the cob's gotta be shucked. It makes a mess and doesn't always break easily and you gotta cook it and it doesn't taste the same if you boil it or broil it or grill it."

Peter's eyes go wide, clearly not expecting this response.

"Frozen corn's gotta be warmed up too. You can put it in the microwave but when you pour it, it's got boiling hot juice and condensation that spills on your hand when cut it open. And if you leave it in the fridge too long it gets stale and covered in frost and gets stuck together in one big ice-corn cube."

Harley taps his finger on Peter's chin, making a face like he's pretending to think. "And, y'know, now that you say it, I don't actually know how to make my own popcorn. I just get the kind that comes in the bag that you pop right into the microwave. I'm guessing it takes a lot of skill to not get everywhere and cook just right."

Harley smiles. "But I like canned corn a lot. It's reliable. You know what you're getting and you know it's gonna be good. And yeah, sure, cooking it might be a pain, but I don't see anything wrong with how it is. Just a spoon and a can of corn, juice and all."

Harley shakes Peter lightly by the shoulders. "I love you because you're you, Peter. Not because it's always gonna be easy. Not because you're the simplest choice. But because you're you, all of the tin and juice and inability to warm up."

Peter chuckles wetly.

"So you know what? Even if you've got more extra steps than the frozen corn or more problems than the corn on the cob or more trauma than the corn kernels — which, in my opinion, I think whatever that process is to turn it into popcorn is so much more traumatic than whatever you've got," Peter laughs again, "know that it's all worth it. Because I love you. And you're worth taking the extra steps. And you're also worth not taking any extra steps at all and just accepting who you are already."

[randomsloredrops]

Random's Lore Drops - MY NAME IS METTATON-

That's right, you heard the title. I can't really make anything else creative so here's mettaton lore drop ig

So, Mettaton. Aside from My name is Mettaton and I am here to say, with the power of NEO I stand in your way, I'm not sure what to say. Which is why I shall resort to my ultimate source. The Undertale Wiki (i don't have the ability to play through the game and i'm not spending twenty hours to find lore on one character), so time to uhhh CUE THE READ MORE

k thanks cameraman, anyways. Mettaton, or 'Hapstablook' (according to game files for the house) is a... Ghost, possessing a box. He is also the cousin of Mad Mew Mew/Mad Dummy and Napstablook... oh, and also the first dummy you encounter (did you know that there's a ghost in that dummy? and mad dummy (specifically mad dummy form) says that the ghost in that dummy was their cousin, so by extension, it's napstablook and mettaton's cousin). Mettaton, as we meet him, is a TV Host for DRAMA, ACTION, BLOODSHED, and always goes for the ratings. He does actually show some semblance of care for other characters, despite the self-centered act and all, such as Alphys (in ruler mettaton route), and obviously Napstablook (because they're cousins and napstablook don't know that). His initial attempts to kill the human were because Alphys wanted him to, and that's it. He listened to her plan, and the reason he fights you as the boss before Asgore was just (according to the wiki) not to let Asgore take your SOUL and "be seen as a hero/savior to humankind" (wild aint it?). During all of his challenges, if you fail, there's always an excuse as to why he can't hurt you. The first one is in the quizzical quizzes that he gives you at his first meetup, where he just doesn't kill you even if you fail all the questions, and that the show has lost all dramatic tension and he dips. In the cooking show, if you fail, commercial break starts out of nowhere, and if you win, he reveals that the cake was already baked, letting you run off scott(the woz)-free and dipping. The bomb room, if you don't deactivate them in time (a little under three minutes), alphys defuses the big bomb. If you defuse the bombs, alphys defuses the big bomb. Either way you're safe. In... oh god it's actually called UNDERTALE the Musical (room with tile puzzle), mettaton deactivates the fire wall if the puzzle is done, and alphys deactivates it if you don't finish it in time, also he fights you anyways but it's resolved the same way. Now, in GENOCIDE, we have a semi-different story aside from, y'know... he gets fucking one-shot. He stops you in the genocide route, saying that you aren't just a threat to Monsters, but to humanity as well (he doesn't know you erase the timeline but he knows that you'll wipe them out), then states that he can't be a star without an audience. That, and that there are some people that he wants to protect, before showing off his sick-ass true form. If you kill him before you can finish the number of kills in the CORE and Hotland, he'll state that he knows you were holding back. And that you weren't TRULY evil, and if you were trying to be... you messed up, and that he can rest now, knowing that not just humans, but Alphys will live on, and thus, aborted genocide (leads to leader alphys ending). And if you actually do the genocide route, he'll just go 'guess you don't want to join my fan club?' and fucking die. but yeah, imma be 100% real wichu chief, boss, head honcho, leader, jefe, other variation of boss, mettaton surprisingly isn't just the character i thought he was. He has... lore (don't they all?), but, more than just the lore i expected from him. Anyways, 2 AM drawing time and then i'll schedule it for morning when i'm done drawing the Mettaton art.