#i'm not good enough to be a doctor. too inconsistent to write. n wtvr
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noxtivagus · 2 years ago
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i love. fiction. it distracts me so much 🥹
#🌙.vent#i hate feeling like such a disappointment but i'm so. i'm just so tired of life ngl#i'm holding on by distracting myself but i'm drained n#i feel like i'm letting everyone down#aaaa i'm so tired but.. i can't hfjsfkjs#i'm.. sorry i don't have energy to talk w ppl i hate it#i don't have energy to work on school n#ngl i don't see a future for myself#younger me wld be so surprised that i feel this way now#i'm not good enough to be a doctor. too inconsistent to write. n wtvr#i need to stop procrastinating lmfao but anxiety just. aaaa#i stay up so late bcs i wna distract myself from so much#even if i'm sad it feels like i have time at least#i'm really just a hollow husk of who i used to be#sometimes i genuinely do feel so much better but eh maybe that's just me distracting myself#torn between wanting to sleep all the time or not at all#no i'm fine certainly i'll be better again#it just hurts. so much. i don't know anymore it just really hurts n i'll go on but my regrets n i'm so#i want to just force myself even to do n be better#yk fuck it i'll do just that idc anymore it feels empty either way#i'm such a disappointment i really don't see why i'd be anything other than a disappointment#it's never enough i'm never good enough it wld've been better if i never existed so i wldn't have ever been such a burden#i don't.. understand. despite how much i feel like it or how much i've said it. others say they're.#not disappointed n i just don't understand i hate how i'm like this i just want to be better i rlly want to just. idk#i want to hold unto the future but knowing that i'll face so much more pain just hurts so much i want to do my best but my mind is tearing#me apart n. i calmed down a bit from earlier but i'm genuinely so confused i hate these moments so much where i dont feel like myself#too often i try to do everything alone.. aghh i'm thinking of gbf that bit rlly touched me so much#i really just need to hold unto who i am at heart but it's so easy to forget n lose sight of that. sigh..#trying to think rn of better moments. too often i really don't think i deserve those kind of stuff but.. they have existed n they remind me#of. life. love. hope. myself. it just hurts so much n i need to distract myself from the worst of my thoughts but i'll make my way through
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