#i'm not good at coming up with fancy au or hc titles ok

[panahm]

alternate universe: tired of the endless fighting with saul, after a long time of having conflicting feelings, she has finally committed to leaving the badlands and the aldecaldos behind in favor of starting a new life as a mercenary in night city (and she's making sure to steer clear of rogue).

and turns out, it's far from glamorous. she's hurting for money, she practically lives in her thorton but will rent out a motel every now and then should she need something more spacious. she takes jobs that are perhaps too dangerous for someone in possession of outdated cyberware, but she manages to get by anyway due to her resourcefulness and survival skills which is thanks to non-other than her roots in the badlands. as for the emotional aspect of this drastic change, she deals with awful loneliness due to parting ways with her family, as well as regret because she often wonders could she have done more to prevent them from "partnering" with biotechnica, and did she betray them by leaving. she tries to distract herself from these thoughts and feelings by working, or even indulging in night city debauchery, which isn't to her tastes, but she needs to get some semblance of fun somehow. she's also suffering from deep depression and a sense of being cramped because there are people and buildings everywhere. and the buildings make it hard to gaze at the sunrise, sunset or stars; she must be in a very specific place in order to do so, rendering a favorite pastime of hers difficult. another favorite was driving itself. being in her thorton, blasting tunes, enjoying the scenery gave her a feeling of serenity and freedom like nothing else. but in night city, there is no open road, just narrow roads meant to accommodate the vast amount of surrounding structures, jampacked with angry or incompetent drivers. as a result of this, she doesn't feel grounded or connected to the earth or nature.

her physical condition is poor. she tends to her wounds with whatever expired airhypo she can find in her vehicle, or she'll purchase the cheapest she can get from a shady medical clinic. the food that she eats seems to never settle in her stomach. even though she does enjoy the food in night city believe it or not, ever since moving here permanently, she always feels nauseous, sick and overwhelmed due to the sensory overload, which gives her migraines as well. but given that she needs to feel somewhat decent in order to work, she downs a lot of coffee for the caffeine to give her energy. and if she's feeling desperate enough, she'll go to a dealer for some type of stimulant or booster, though this is rare.

needless to say, she's seldom in a good mood. she's far more irritable and prone to outbursts than she's ever been.

it's not like there's anything prohibiting her from being in the badlands, even if the family she used to know is no more. but she'd rather not go back because memories and what-ifs will only surface, which will definitely feel far more painful than adjusting to life in night city.