#i'm lowkey proud of myself the second i looked at it i was like of it's a Picasso and i was right!!!

[lesbianjudasiscariot]

the mystery poster i got!!!

[mins-fins]

orbit of yours !

"power couple, really?" "you have to listen to me!"

synopsis: park jisung has always admired you. hardworking, effortlessly beautiful, talented, humble— you're pretty much the personification of the word 'perfect' (you would disagree though), but your relationship has never gotten past "admirers that occasionally exchange words", so jisung has vanquished the idea of possibly being in love with you because of your lack of interactions, he's just an avid admirer of yours! so when a few accidents and mishaps force (more like drive) the two of you to be in the same room more than you ever had in the past, the idea doesn't just remain a random fantasy crafted by jisung's mind, it becomes reality.

pairing: park jisung x male!reader

genre: high school au, acquaintances to friends to lovers, photographer!reader x soccer player!jisung, fluff, kinda comedy (im not funny), mutual pining, literally no angst, fast burn lowkey, sungchan helps reader realize his feelings and it's hilarious

warnings: swearing, mentions of burnout, oblivious bitches deny their feelings for a good 10k words, this is fucking cheesy, the nightmare which is senior year

word count: 12.2k

notes: GOOD LORD IT IS FINALLY DONE! i don't wanna be overdramatic or anything but this is genuinely one of my most favorite works ever, if you couldn't tell i am VERY jisung biased and im so happy to finally be done with this because it's honestly been so fun to write 🙁 i didn't beat the xiaojun fic in terms of words but this the second longest fic i have ever written and for my jisung debut its impressive that there is absolutely NO ANGST here, i'm just very proud of myself for this and i hope people like reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it.. this is for all the park jisung lovers 👍

"WHEN WILL YOU ACTUALLY GET A PARTNER?" chenle asks the question so many times that jisung assumes the sentence has been programmed into his brain. what is it— like the 3rd time this week? he thinks chenle might be more obsessed with his love life than he is with actual important things, like college, graduation preparations, his role as a member of the student council, anything but jisung's uneventful love life, because that was probably the least interesting thing going on in his own life at the moment. "come on jisungie! i heard aejung has a crush on you!" he lets out a familiar groan, giving his friends a 'cut it out' look. "i don't really care about that kind of stuff.."

he hears all the frustrated sighs from his friends, and jisung just chuckles. he knows about the many surprisingly many— people who find themselves attracted to him. he acknowledges the fact that he has a lot of admirers, that a lot of people would perceive themselves as lucky to be in a relationship with him, he isn't new to the idea at all, he doesn't really get what makes him so attractive, such an eyeopener to his fellow students, but he mostly accepts the gifts given to him by his so called "admirers" nonetheless, not wanting to make them disappointed.

now, he says mostly because there are just times where he has no choice but to turn them down. some people get into their own heads too much, and he doesn't want to give some of them false hopes by accepting their gifts. that happened once, where a girl thought the two of them were dating because he decided to accept her gift as a sign of appreciation, that's when jisung learned that he couldn't just accept any and all gifts given to him by admirers who so greatly wanted a chance with him. jisung isn't so concerned about gifts, he wants a person who will be psychically and emotionally present for him, not someone who'll just buy him random things.

"it's gotten a little annoying.. all the confessions" jisung mutters, closing the textbook he had been jotting in. "they're nice yeah but some people just take it too far" he finally finishes, earning some confused looks from his friends. he just shrugs, shoving the textbook he had previously been jotting in into his backpack.

"but you're just so boring!" chenle whines, pressing his cheek against jisung's shoulder. jisung doesn't even try shaking him off, knowing that any of his attempts will be useless. "come on! all these people who would love to be with you and your still a lonely little loser!"

"loser? oh come on!"

"you know i'm right!"

jisung scoffs, lightly shoving chenle. while yeah, it's nice to have a lot of people admire him, everyone expects him to do this and that and act a certain way. it's like they enjoy perpetuating a false image onto him rather than actually admiring him for who he really is, and jisung doesn't think he should give people like that the time of day, they piss him off more than anything.

he's a little lost in his thought when a familiar voice sounds in his ears, a couple of giggles following the sound. "you're too funny y/n!" one of them shouted, poking a familiar figure in the shoulder, and jisung's eyes fall on you immediately, as if on instinct. you were looking as you always did, a familiar dslr camera hanging from your neck, that polite smile on your face as your friend continues poking your shoulder.

lately, you'd been quite the topic of interest among your fellow schoolmates. now that's not abnormal at all, you somehow always manage to be the talk of the town in school, you could do the smallest thing and somehow people could still make huge talk about it.

jisung would never say it, not out loud or even in mutters to himself, but he's always held a unique admiration for you, one he doesn't think he could actually put into words. there's something about you that pulls jisung in, like your a magnet and he's an oblivious piece of metal, slowly getting closer and closer to you without being able to do anything about it.

everything about you is beautiful. your eyes are a beautiful brown color, your smile is a beautiful stretch that shows off your perfect white teeth, your hair is a beautiful mix of raven and brunette. oh, and your voice is so beautiful too, it's so soft, gentle, but also deep.

you're like an angel.

at least to jisung you are.

it's pretty funny, actually, your so wrapped up in your own things that you barely notice the sheer amount of people who want to date you. you don't acknowledge romantic advances a lot, and even when you do, it always ends in rejection. you talk a lot, and your words are always pure and witty, your laughter is natural, your smile is contagious.

but.. jisung doesn't like you. he only likes you in the friend kinda way, he just wants to be friends with you. you look nice! smell nice, dress nice, speak nice..

jisung knows a lot more about you than his friends do. despite the fact that the two of you have never officially deemed yourselves "friends", he's always known little facts about you, as you him. the two of you have been going to school together for seven years, so the idea of not knowing anything about each other seems ridiculous.

you're a photographer, your favorite color is blue, specifically lighter shades, your favorite subject is history, your lucky number is 2 because of your birthdate being 02/02/02, your favorite flowers are daisies, you don't really enjoy sports, but if you were to choose one to play, it'd be baseball, and you want to go to college for journalism.

but jisung can't say that he likes you, because even if you two know all these things about each other, you've never considered yourselves "friends", all you do is admire from afar—

and when you do interact, it's just short and sweet sentences exchanged between you two, mostly because the both of you are so busy, that you can't afford to just stop and talk. sometimes, jisung wishes his life was just a little less hectic and he could stop and talk to you, because that's what he wants to do.

"what's with you?" jisung immediately yelps as chenle flicks his forehead, and he resists the urge to punch the older in the face. "gawking at y/n? really?"

"i'm not—" jisung hates that he feels his face burn. "i'm not gawking, i'm just.. i was just looking at him".

"looking at him with hearts in your eyes".

jisung scoffs at chenle's audacity, as if he wasn't doing exactly that a good few minutes ago. he would never admit it out loud before, so why should he admit it now? he'd never live it down if anybody ever found out..

"you know.." chenle begins, tapping his finger onto the desk in front of him. "you two would be a great couple" and the words are enough to make jisung roll his eyes once again. "a power couple!"

"power couple, really?" jisung raises an eyebrow, chenle never fails to say something that confuses him. he finds the words to be ridiculous, but his reaction just seems to make chenle even more giddy, because he continues;

"you have to listen to me!" chenle persists, and jisung is about to check out of the conversation completely.

"y/n is a photographer for sports journalism, you play soccer, you've known each for what.. ever? he's pretty, you clearly have the hots for him—"

"i do not!" jisung immediately yells in rebuttal, much louder than he wanted to. "yeah he's.. cute but anyone with eyes can see that, i'm not in love with him or anything".

chenle raises an eyebrow, suspicious, but jisung remains stubborn, crossing his arms as he averts his gaze from his best friend.

yes, you are cute, anybody with two functioning eyes can see that.

"i think park jisung might have a crush on you".

at the words, you look up from your camera, meeting eyes with your close friend, sungchan. you blink, as if dumbfounded, then snicker. "park jisung? are you trying to boost my ego or something?"

you know park jisung, you know about how probably half the students in this room dream of having a chance with him. so many people like park jisung, so many people want park jisung.

and if you think about it, you can't exactly blame them for that..

"don't laugh! i'm serious! he looked like he was about to devour you, did you see his eyes!?"

the words just get another laugh out of you, the words seem ridiculous in your eyes, because why would park jisung, beautiful, talented, striking park jisung have a crush on you? in your eyes, your pretty much nothing to him.

"okay.. why would park jisung ever be interested in me?" you ask, rearranging your camera as you raise an eyebrow at sungchan, who simply deadpans at you, that familiar 'are you serious?' look in his eyes.

"okay let me see, your smart, pretty, everyone likes you at this point, also— the two of you are pretty much perfect for each other! you'd be a power couple!"

you furrow your eyebrows, a power couple? you'd never heard that phrase used to talk about somebody your friends had been "shipping" you with, your not even sure if you can even consider yourself friends with jisung, because the two of you can never actually talk to each other without someone coming up and interrupting the interaction.

you'd love to just be able to talk to park jisung, just the two of you, one on one.

"power couple? that's funny.."

"you think everything is funny" ironically, you laugh at your friends words. "this could be like— your only chance at having an actual romantic connection with someone".

"i don't care that much about romance, chan" you muse, humming as you turn off your camera. your eyes wander over to jisung, who is very much distracted by something stupid chenle is saying, he's laughing about something, laughing hard too.

there is no reason for him to look so pretty as he laughs like a maniac..

he's cute, you say in your mind, he is absolutely adorable.

"WHAT DID YOU GUYS GET ON THAT STATISTICS TEST FOR SONG?" a boy from the same year and member of the soccer team along with jisung inquired. they sat on the bleachers in front of field, watching as the baton club practices. they have to practice this week, unfortunately, so jisung's schedule had become tight and packed, he barely had any free time these days, it was all exams, college tours, last minute extracurriculars, and practice, practice, practice. "i got a b plus" one of his classmates responds, the other responded; "i got a b on mine". jisung was very far removed from the current conversation, his eyes on a familiar trio of sports journalists on the other side of the field, a trio which included you, mesmerizing you. he sees you often these days, with that same dslr camera around your neck, a pretty smile stuck on your face.

"you, jisung! what score did you get?" one of his classmates asks, but jisung was occupied, so he didn't answer. a tap on his shoulder makes jisung snap out of his staring fit, and he blinks a few times, assessing where he is. "what?"

"we were asking about the marks on the recent statistics test!"

"ah" jisung presses his lips together. "i got an a plus" he says the words casually, but it causes for a cheer to be sounded by his fellow classmates, who shook him and slapped his back supportively.

"you're so smart jisungie!"

the praise from his classmates get a smile out of jisung, but he isn't focusing on that, his attention is on you. even with how your across the field, he can clearly see all of your features, the sun shining on your face makes you look majestic, like an actual angel, jisung isn't sure why he's even focusing so much on your face, but he can't focus on anything else, because his eyes just naturally always wander over to you.

"will this ever finish?" you inquire, pertaining to the baton club, who were still on the field even after they were supposed to get off. "i'm supposed to take photos of the soccer players for my editorials.." you mutter, it'd be horrible if you couldn't even deliver on the promise you made to your superiors.

"they're probably going to split the field" your fellow sports journalist, taehyun says. a small groan escapes your lips, you're annoyed, you hope this doesn't interfere with the photos you have to take, it'd be horrible if you just ended up doing the same thing all over again. "see? baton club is taking one side and the soccer team takes the main area because they need to start practicing now".

"they look so cute! i've always wanted to be apart of the soccer team!" lee sohee exclaims, and you turn towards him, a look of interest on your face. he attentively watches the boys, humming to the song that's playing. "why didn't you join them then?" you inquire, interest peaked.

sohee smiles at you, readjusting his camera and fixing his posture. "i enjoyed writing the editorial articles more" he shrugs. "wanted to try out but i missed the tryouts because eunseok hyung would have killed me if i missed anton's recital" at the words, you laugh, used to the behavior from the older boy.

"maybe next year".

"you'd fit in perfectly!" taehyun muses, and sohee brightens up, seemingly loving the words.

"really!? that's what seunghan tells me too!" he cheers at the words, looking proud of himself. "i'd look cute in that uniform though.."

you chuckle at sohee's word, finding him to be absolutely adorable. "yeah, you definitely would" you ruffle his hair, smiling at the giggle which sounds from the boy.

"i'm gonna go get a closer look at them" you say, motioning towards the soccer team. taehyun nods and watches as you get closer to the field, not super close, but close enough that your camera can capture a good view of the soccer team. you narrow your eyes, pointing your camera at the busy boys who are doing their usual routine, the viewfinder shows jisung in all his glory.

you take pictures, zooming in and out. you don't mean to put all the focus on jisung, he's just too alluring to not be the center of attention. he's such a natural, he's just so amazing, you can't not focus on him.

[click.]

and another shot, another one as jisung scores the goal. jisung's posture was perfect, his back straight, chin high as he wore an angelic smile. jisung hears the clicking of the camera, and looks to his left to see you, in the viewfinder you see jisung looking in your direction, you pause for a moment and notice a baton heading straight towards him.

"jisung watch out!" you yell, at the words, he tilts his head.

you quickly take the strap of the camera off your neck, throwing it until it landed right beside your fellow journalists, who looked as confused as jisung did. you ran as fast as you could, grabbing jisung's wrist and pulling him close to you.

the baton managed to hit the ground instead, and jisung shrieks as he loses his balance, toppling forward. he quickly grabs onto the closest thing to him.

you.

you lowered your arms to catch jisung, and you feel him hold onto the sleeves of your blazer, one of your arms on his stomach, the other on his waist. all his weight was in your arms, causing for you to lose balance too.

"shit—" you swear, falling onto your back. jisung fell on top of you, the grass tickling his skin. your back immediately hits the grass, and your head hits the ground softly, but your arms remain around jisung. jisung's hands were still on your arms, his upper body laid on top of yours, his head was buried into your shoulder, and he was sat in between your legs.

jisung takes a sharp breath, a look of worry quickly flashes in his eyes as he sees you. "holy shit y/n are you okay!?" jisung asks, pulling away from your prior position and you sit up, opening your eyes to meet his worried ones. jisung kneels, leaning closer to you as he cups your cheeks with his hands. "did you get hurt? is your head okay!?" he asks, or yells, turning your head to inspect for any signs of wounds. you just stare at him, his bangs that messily lay against his forehead, his eyes that glimmered under the sunlight, and his pink lips that you totally just want to lean over and touch with your own.

"yeah.." you whisper, your cheeks squished from the force of jisung's hands.

jisung stops turning your head and sighs. "are you sure?" he asks, still holding your face. you nod, placing one of your hands on jisung's, his are soft, yours are rough, you note. you move his hand and smile. "i'm alright don't worry" you respond, still holding jisung's hand. jisung pursues his lips, and he extends his hand out, pulling you up from the ground. you let go of his hand, dusting off your pants.

"jesus y/n" taehyun's voice sounds from behind you, and you finally glance away from jisung, eyes focused on your friend. "are you okay? your not injured are you?"

"i'm fine.." you mumble again, blinking as taehyun suddenly hands you your camera. ah, he'd picked it up for you. you take it, inspecting it to make sure it's not broken.

"is the camera okay?" jisung inquires, looking over your shoulder to stare at it.

luckily, it wasn't damaged because it had fallen on the soft grass. "it's still working" you respond, and the two boys beside you let out a sigh of relief, with taehyun placing a hand on his chest.

"jisung! come back here!" his coach quickly yells, jisung looks to you, then back to his teammates. "thanks, i owe you" he says before running back towards his group, fetching the soccer ball he'd left on the ground prior.

"wow your like a hero!" sohee exclaims, shaking your shoulder with a smile. you just let out a nervous laugh, scratching your arm. you give one last glance at jisung before you feel your face heat up excessively, so you quickly turn away, putting your camera back around your neck.

"we should go back in now" you say, you don't say any more words as you quickly make your way towards the doors. your friends blink, exchanging glances in confusion, but they quickly follow you back inside.

"y/n! wait up!"

jisung watches you three leave, feeling his heart racing against his chest.

what the hell just happened? he asks himself.

"jisung are you okay!?" a very familiar voice shrieks. jisung turns to meet his fellow teammate jooyeon, looking concerned as ever.

"i'm alright, thanks for asking" he answers, gaze lowering down to his nails, which he quickly starts picking.

"are you sure? you looked like you hit your head pretty hard" the younger boy, as always, just wants to make sure jisung isn't lying, he's genuine like that. he pokes jisung's forehead, as if he was inspecting him.

"seriously, i'm fine" jisung lowers his hand, giving him his default 'i'm okay' smile. "y/n cushioned the blow anyway.."

"you were so close to him!" jisung startles as keum donghyun comes out of nowhere. "how did it feel? was it like a dream come true?"

"i—" jisung is speechless, he closes his mouth and blinks a good seven times before even actually assessing the question.

how did it feel?

jisung doesn't know how to express it. he didn't want to think about it in that way because you'd just done such a good deed, you saved him from flying metal going straight towards his head, he shouldn't have been thinking about the lack of distance between you two, he shouldn't have been staring at your lips, and he shouldn't have been thinking about kissing you.

his face must be so unbearably red right now.

"don't ask that! it was just very abrupt.. also, i can't think of him like that! he saved me from a flying baton, i'm just grateful for him".

jooyeon hums in agreement, slapping donghyun's shoulder for him ever asking such a thing. "that's right, you should probably get him a token of appreciation or something".

jisung blinks, trying to imagine what he should ever gift you. he truly has no idea, he's not sure if he should go over and beyond, or just give you a little gift as to not intimidate you. "i can't really think of anything, i don't want to overwhelm him or something, he just wanted to do a nice thing.."

"i'm sure he'll be appreciative of anything!"

at the words, jisung just sighs, smiling.

what a hero, l/n y/n— you really are something, he thinks.

"yeah— i'll think about it".

"good! back to practice now!"

jisung doesn't think he will ever fully be able to focus on practice, though.

"YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE BEEN RAN OVER BY A TRAIN" the words from the older boy, yang jeongin, snap you out of your polaroid staring daze. you flinch just the slightest, eyes peeling away from the scattering pictures which litter your desk. you rub your eyes, clearing your throat as you quickly gather all of the photos on your desk, hoping the eye bags present on your face weren't completely obvious. knowing jeongin though, they were definitely obvious. "thanks for the kind words" you respond sarcastically, a small eye roll accompanying your words. the older boy snickers, situating himself beside you, a teasing smile on his face. he props his legs up, blinking at you. "seriously though, you look like you haven't slept in years, are you alright?"

"i'm as alright as someone looking to pursue journalism can be.." you mutter back, placing the photos which were previously on your desk into your backup, a small sigh escapes your lips. "all of my applications are still pending.."

"seriously? i assume you would've been accepted into any of those schools by now!"

"you know how it all goes, they get hundreds— heck, thousands of applications every day, i just have to be patient".

jeongin raises an eyebrow, then just shrugs at you, humming. "there's no need to worry, y/n, you'll get into a good school".

you chuckle at his words, he totally read your mind when it came to that. "i'm not worried about anything" you lie; "i'll be okay, i know".

but do you?

your absolutely tired the whole entire day, you tried your best to focus in your classes, but you couldn't help your head slipping down and the way you almost slipped off to dreamland whilst your teachers were asking you very much audible questions.

"did you sleep last night?" sungchan asks you in the middle of your afternoon break, poking your arm as if to wake up. "you look like a zombie.."

"i slept a few.. hours?" your tone is very much a questioning one, as if you didn't even believe your own words. "i don't know, i was too busy fighting with lin, apparently i'm not good enough at what i do to consider journalism".

paired with the lack of response to your several applications, you weren't having the best week, it was all becoming just a little too much for you.

graduation is just too far away..

"anyway! did you choose the photos you'll put in the editorial yet?"

you think, for a while. you felt as if you had stared at so many polaroids by this point, that they're probably going to start appearing in your dreams, with the lack of sleep, constant flashing of cameras and just news news news, you've really had no time to focus on other things.

"i haven't even found time to think about the editorial" you whine, a weary sigh escaping your lips as you think about how pissed off your higher up is gonna be if you almost miss the deadline once again. "is the deadline coming up?"

"well— is four days a close deadline for you?"

you gasp, loudly, almost throwing your camera across the hallway. "four days!? four days until the deadline seriously!?"

you usually aren't like this. you are usually very calm, cool, and collected, but your week has been just the definition of a shit storm, and everything just seems getting worse and worse.

"hey, it's okay!" sungchan immediately replies, hoping to reassure you. he places a hand on your shoulder, a smile coming to his face. "it's not like this is anything new, it'll all be fine, you only have to choose two pictures anyway".

you sigh, rubbing your temples. "yeah" you breath. "it'll be fine, fine" you repeat, nodding your head as you relax yourself.

the hallway is crowded, not crowded crowded, but crowded enough that you couldn't help but begin counting the heads around you.

your eyes get stuck on a familiar figure across the hall.

park jisung, smiling and laughing with his friends. you get lost in a trance of admiring him, even though you can clearly hear sungchan talking to you. all your attention is immediately on him, and a small smile spreads across your face as you observe him, being himself.

there is absolutely no reason for him to be so breathtaking while just talking with his friend!

you are so distracted, and you don't mean to get stuck in this little reverie as you stare at the boy that you totally do not have a crush on.

he hasn't really left your mind, instead of just floating around in there like he'd been before that whole prior incident, now he occupies a whole subsection of your mind in recent days. you could be with your other friends, and all of a sudden your mind would wander off to jisung, or you could be in class and he just pops into your head.

you never thought you'd be one to get distracted easily, but you've clearly been proven wrong by just the alluring aura of park jisung.

you startle when jisung turns your way, making eye contact with you. he smiles upon noticing you, his eyes practically lighting up, and he waves at you. your a little taken aback, but jisung doesn't wait to see you wave back, just turning back towards his friend and continuing his previous conversation.

"what was that?"

"what was what?"

you quickly look over at sungchan, who had just witnessed that whole entire scene. he looks at you like you just grew a second head, and your face begins to burn as the realization dawns on you.

"you and park jisung!?"

your quick to try and sputter out a response, but you shake your head, face excessively heating up, it's probably red at this very moment. "there is nothing going on between us!"

"that doesn't seem like nothing!"

you realize how guilty you look right now. with your red face and constant insistence that there is absolutely nothing going on, those are traits the guiltiest of people display, and it all just makes you look even more guilty with how your face gets even more red.

(you must look like you're dying right now).

"it's just a friendly exchange!"

"not while your looking at him with hearts in your eyes!"

he was completely calling you out, and he was right. you were staring at jisung like he was an angel that had graced your presence, you stare at him like he's a saint and everyone else doesn't matter, as if he's the only person in the room. "i— i wasn't! i was just zoned out and he just waved at me to say hi!"

sungchan narrows his eyes suspiciously at you, totally not buying it. "uh huh, sure" his voice conveys disbelief. "just know, i'm onto you y/n".

you nudge him in the shoulder, seriously wanting to change the topic. "yeah yeah whatever" you cross your arms as you mutter the words, you're sure if you take one more glance at jisung, you won't be able to look away, so you just clear your throat and walk the other way, face still red as sungchan teases you the whole entire time.

maybe if you glanced back, you'd see jisung watching as you left..

JISUNG WAS REALLY HOPING HE'D BE ABLE TO catch you before school dismissed. you two haven't genuinely had an actual talk since you saved him from the flying baton heading straight towards his head. all you two have done is give smiles, waves, and mutter small greetings to each other in the hallway. he had to admit, it upset him in just the slightest, because he really did want to just have a conversation with you (of course, he isn't exactly sure he'd be able to get through a conversation with you without blushing like a madman anyway), but your schedules just kept conflicting, so even catching a glimpse of you around the campus has become difficult for him to do.

he doesn't want to waste any opportunity he has in his hands—

"y/n!"

when jisung sees you across the hall, he realizes that he shouldn't take this chance for granted. you turn around at the call of your name, smiling as you see the others making his way towards you. jisung runs a hand through his hair, hoping he isn't making anything awkward. "jisung hi, do you need something?"

you smile politely at him, a smile so beautiful it seems like it could get rid of all the problems in the world. jisung loves your smile, he could stare at it for hours, is that creepy? he hopes it's not creepy..

"oh uh—" the words he'd been planning to say somehow get caught in his throat, but he clears his throat and proceeds. "i was wondering if i could walk you home?"

you blink, puzzled by the question. why would he want to walk you home? your mind begins to wander, trying to figure out why he'd want to do such a thing.

can't you just ask y/n? stop being an idiot..

"why?"

you don't mean for your words to come out that way, and you're almost afraid that you made jisung uncomfortable with your tone of voice, but he instead just smiles, squashing any of your bad thoughts. you love jisung's smile, you think it's underrated, so little people talk about it and the fact shocks you, you could probably compliment his smile for hours—

but that sounds just a little creepy.

"i just want to accompany you—" —and this is my only excuse to be around you— "do something nice for you after you did something nice for me".

the words make you pause. he's just.. so thoughtful huh? you've never heard of someone wanting to repay you for being nice, it's actually a little strange if you think about it.

"jisung you don't have to reward me for doing something nice.."

"it'd be great to walk with you, though, you make good company".

that's it? that's really it?

you're not sure why you're surprised about that, maybe it's just the idea that he literally searched for you just to say this, he truly just wants to walk you home, he truly just wants to spend time with you.

he thinks i make good company, just the thought alone is enough to make you giggle in your head. your inner thoughts sound ridiculous, but you can't help them.

"if you don't want me to it's totally oka—"

"no no no" you immediately cut into his sentence, hoping that didn't come off as desperate as it sounded. "i'm glad you offered to walk me home, i'd love to walk with you too".

you unsuccessfully try to mutter those last few words, a sudden shyness taking over you. jisung smiles, glad, no, elated at your agreement. he doesn't know why he's that happy, but he hopes it isn't clear and evident, he'd never live it down.

after bidding a goodbye to your friends, and telling sungchan you'd make sure to choose the photos for your editorials, you dragged jisung out of the school doors, much to your and jisung's surprise, as well as the shock of a few of your classmates, he made sure to eye the both of you suspiciously.

"what interested you in photography?"

a scene like this is something jisung thought he'd never get to, being able to talk to you, one on one. just the two of you sharing a simple conversation is what he's wanted for an uncharted amount of time, even with how straightforward it is, the two of you could never really find time to converse normally.

when jisung asks the question, you almost think you heard him wrong. he genuinely wants to know? in a way, you feel like you've always been just the slightest bit boring, yeah you wanna do journalism and love taking aesthetically pleasing photos but you've never considered what you do to be a talent by any means.

you pick at your fingers, looking down at the ground instead of at jisung. "it's an interest i picked up from my mother, i've always been shocked how she could just do that, you know? i love videography and stuff like that as well, i love how one can capture so much with just a single camera".

your words intrigue jisung, and he listened the whole entire way, not interrupting you once. he found a smile crossing his face at the clear display of passion for your creative work, he loves the way you put it into words. god if he didn't admire you before, he surely did now.

"what about you? you're pretty much good at everything, what drew you to the adrenaline rushing excitement of soccer?"

jisung pauses, allowing himself to let out a small snicker at the question. "i don't really enjoy soccer".

you raise an eyebrow. "oh?"

jisung laughs again, your tone of voice amusing him. "don't say it like that.. it's not that i hate it, i'm just not as into it like everyone expects me to be, i got onto the school team and i've been stuck there ever since" there isn't exactly distaste in jisung's tone, he just states it casually, like how it is. his voice is just simple, mundane, he doesn't dislike soccer, it's just not what he's looking forward to do.

you love his honesty.

"i'm into other things in a much more passionate sense, like dance, soccer is just a hobby" he finally finishes, pulling his sleeves over his arms as he avoids eye contact with you.

"so no professional soccer player park jisung?"

"i think i'll leave it to the other guy to be known for that".

you chuckle at his words, okay, he's funny (you knew that already, you just had to reiterate it in your head). god how can a guy be so perfect? you get why people are so into jisung, he's charming even without trying. you feel like the luckiest guy on earth knowing he asked to walk you home.

"y/n, i'm a very.." jisung pauses, as if trying to articulate the words he was about to say. "i really admire you a lot".

you almost lose it.

park jisung, beautiful, talented, hardworking park jisung admires you? he is an admirer of yours? you don't even know what to say, you try your best to sputter out a response but your brain is practically malfunctioning. your face goes red, and you go silent for a few minutes.

"i don't get it" is what you say, and jisung just cocks his head towards the side, observing you. "what's so admirable about me?"

"do you want a list?"

oh i'd love that. "i don't think you should waste your time".

"i wouldn't be wasting my time" jisung smiles, his gaze focused on you and only you, there's a way he's looking at you that keeps you still, unable to look away from him. "i never get the chance to tell you, i'd love to talk about everything i admire about you".

when did jisung get so bold? he'll never know where this random confidence came from, but he has an opportunity, he can't let it go to waste. he has to bring it up to you.

"what i do is nothing incredible—"

"i would disagree".

you should be angry that jisung interrupted you, but you found yourself smiling at his words. he's so generous, he doesn't have to tell you this, he doesn't have to compliment you like this, but he's doing it on his own accord, he wants to.

"okay then.. is it a good time to tell you that i also feel the same?"

jisung's ears go red, so red that it looks like smoke is gonna start pouring out of them. he is shocked, absolutely speechless. you admire him? does that mean he's gotten it all wrong these past few years? does that mean you return his feelings as well—

wait what?

"oh really?"

the prior confidence jisung had when telling you about his admiration has now all fizzled away, his voice almost cracks as he tries to register your words, and thank god it doesn't.

"it's kind of like what you said, you're amazing, a very admirable person, i know you don't really think of yourself like that but i do, and it's nice to be able to tell you up front".

jisung remains silent, but you don't mind, you just give him a smile and continue walking forward, allowing for him to catch up to you.

"is that actually true?"

"why would i lie to you?" you turn around, your whole body facing him. you begin walking backwards and wait for jisung's reply to your question. "don't give me that look".

jisung frowns, a playful one, he sends you a cute little glare that makes you giggle. he's absolutely adorable, you think in your head, he's the cutest person ever right now.

"you admire me?"

"yep".

"more than i admire you?"

"definitely, and don't even try to argue with me".

jisung opens his mouth to do exactly that, but you stop, turning around as you make it to the front of your house. "okay well, thank you for walking me home, ji".

jisung raises an eyebrow, noting down the nickname in his head. it's a common nickname, but he loves the way it sounds coming from you, he loves that you didn't just drop his full name.

"it's no problem.."

"i—"

you're cut off by the sound of the door opening, and your met with the face of your mother, whose face immediately brightens at the sight of you. you smile at her, and jisung just kinda stands there awkwardly.

"hi honey" she wraps her arms around you, and you let her, leaning your head onto her shoulder. "i thought you were staying late today?"

you shake your head. "not today, it's friday remember?"

"ohhh, yeah".

jisung glances down at the ground, playing with his feet. he doesn't know what to say, he doesn't want to interrupt the conversation you're having with your mother—

but he doesn't have to say anything, because your mother pipes up.

"oh! and who might this be?" she narrows her eyes at jisung, cogs in her brain seem to turn but then she snaps his fingers and gasps, seemingly getting it. "oh my god! park jisung?"

jisung smiles, a little laugh escaping his lips. "that is me".

"holy, you've changed so much? the last time i saw you you were barely up to my knees!"

at the sound of your mothers words, you give jisung a teasing stare, one which he quickly turns away from. "you and y/n are finally friends? i was wondering when it'd happen.."

your face goes bright red at the words, and an awkward chuckle escapes your lips. "seems he was too, he always talked about it—"

"haha! what!? that's hilarious mom!" you quickly cut in, not wanting her to talk about your former ramblings about park jisung, park jisung who was right beside you. "yeah okay, jisung i'll see you monday?"

jisung nods, a little too desperately for his liking, luckily you don't notice. "yeah, monday, have a good weekend, y/n".

you smile, blood rushing through your cheeks. "be safe".

he gives a small wave and turns around, beginning the walk back towards his home.

"he's such a nice kid, you sure you're just friends?"

your jaw pretty much drops, and you give your mother a look you don't think you've ever shared with her before. "yes! just friends!"

"hmm, sure".

"WHO ARE THOSE FOR?" CHENLE asks as he immediately notices the goodies in jisung's hands. he raises an eyebrow suspiciously at his best friend, examining the bouquet of flowers and box jisung held. jisung ignores him for a couple of minutes, placing the box in his locker and closing it behind him. "for someone" he just replies, hoping he could just remain vague instead of telling chenle about his true plans. the older narrows his eyes, clearly curious about this 'someone'. he flicks jisung in the forehead, resulting in a yelp from the other, who glares. "ow! what was that for?" he asks, furrowing his eyebrows and rubbing his forehead, a frown now coming to his face.

"what you're hiding stuff from me now?" chenle rolls his eyes at jisung's frown. "who are those flowers for? you got a boyfriend or something?"

chenle was right in assuming it was a boy that was making him go crazy, but you aren't his boyfriend (not yet at least, he's trying, really). he doesn't want to exactly divulge his plans to his nosy best friend yet, just because he'd go around telling everybody he could about what jisung was doing, he didn't want anything to be spoiled.

"they're for.. y/n".

jisung winces the moment he says those words, because chenle goes absolutely crazy.

"FOR WHO!?"

jisung is quick to slap a hand over chenle's mouth, glaring at him for how loud he said those words. "could you be any more obvious?" he asks, gritting his teeth as he continues to glare at his shorter best friend, whose eyes just widen even more. "yes they're for y/n—"

"what are you two dating now?" chenle doesn't care about anything jisung has to say, he slaps his hand away and stares in interest, wanting to know more.

"no! were not dating! it's just—" jisung pauses, how is he even gonna explain this without looking super guilty? blood rushes through his cheeks as he thinks about it, about how these are your favorite flowers, about how you might react. "i wanted to get him something nice! he did a good thing and.."

and i am just so in love with him, i think i might be going insane.

"i just want to do something nice!"

"okay but are you doing something nice or are you getting ready to ask him out?"

jisung's face goes a dangerously red color, and he immediately shakes his head, denial coursing through his veins. "i'm not going to ask him out, i mean— i get why you think that but it's not what it looks like!"

chenle raises an eyebrow, staring at his totally lovestruck best friend. "it sure does seem to be what it looks like".

"chenle—"

"look, jisung, there's no need to deny that you have such an obvious crush on y/n" chenle states like it's a matter of a fact, because it is, they both know it very well, he's better at assessing jisung's feelings than jisung himself is. "he thinks your cute, you think he's cute, you two just need to ask each other out".

"um.." jisung presses his lips together, the two falling into a weird silence. he clutches the daisies in his hands, thinking about you, but he shuts off his thoughts to respond to chenle's little analysis of him.

"i just don't know where we stand, i mean we're barely even friends".

"you two are pretty much already more than friends considering he can't talk to you without looking like he's about to devour you whole".

jisung's face must be an astonishing shade of red right now. "it's not—! i don't know how to explain it okay!?"

"yeah and how are you gonna explain the flowers?" chenle points at the daisies jisung is practically squeezing to death. "other people are probably gonna get another idea".

"well i'll let them think what they want" jisung responds, his only focus is you, who cares what other people think? your his main priority. "y/n is my main focus, i don't care about what other people are saying".

chenle chuckles at his response, oh park jisung is so down bad, he's so in love with you, a kind of love chenle has never seen him have for another person. yes park jisung, love avoiding extraordinaire, is head over heels in love with a boy, chenle cannot believe it.

"okay jisung, go ahead with your wooing y/n mission or something".

at least chenle is supportive.

jisung has to go through so many interrogations to explain to your fellow photographers why he's giving you flowers, while a few of them just shrug and get it, the rest of them make sure to eye him suspiciously while he goes on with his explanation and bright red ears.

he knows most of them probably won't keep their mouths shut, and jisung knows that you told him he shouldn't get you anything for preventing him from getting any future brain damage, but jisung disagrees, he thinks you deserve gifts.

"who are those for?"

your brain doesn't register the flowers, or the connection that they have with your not-so-secret admirer, you just stare at them puzzled. "they're for you!" sohee yells from somewhere else in the room, focused on another important thing.

your eyebrows furrow, and you blink as you stare at the daisies on the table. daisies are your favorite flowers, but everyone knows that! these could be from anyone! you're no stranger to getting random gifts from people, so these could really be from anyone.

but you only have a certain person in mind..

"from who?" you ask, but you really already know who, considering the knowing look sohee sends to you.

"jisung".

of course, you say in your head, your fingers trace the packaging of the bouquet, admiring the pretty flowers before you (the pretty flowers given to you by a pretty boy), a small smile comes to your face as you think about it. you told jisung not to get you anything, but he obviously wasn't going to listen to you, he's made that very clear.

"did he tell you anything?"

sohee doesn't spare you another glance, but you can just tell he's grinning like a madman with the way he's clearly trying to hold in his laughter. "he just told me to make sure to get them to you, he was very insistent".

the teasing tone of your friends voice doesn't go unnoticed by you, and your barely able to stifle your laugh, not at sohee exactly, but at jisung's actions.

of course he didn't listen when you said for him to not get you anything, he remembered what your favorite flowers are, did he spend his weekend thinking about it? you wonder what kind of florists we must've went to.. your mind races with just jisung thoughts, and you're just so lost in them that you don't realize your zoning out.

oh park jisung, why do you have to be so sweet?

"DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO?" YOU immediately ask the moment you come across park jisung in the hallway. the boy blinks, smiling at the sight of you, his face practically brightens at the sight of you. "what do you mean?" he inquired innocently, a small tilt of his head adding to his question. you send him a glare, not a serious one, but it's still a glare. you can't even believe his audacity, for him to look at you with such beautiful eyes, make your knees feel weak without even having to do anything? park jisung is just such a crazy man, you don't know if you can stare at him any longer, you might end up passing out from heat exhaustion (the heat from your face, of course, something that's become so normal for you when around park jisung).

"don't 'what do you mean?' me, i told you not to get me anything!" you complain, lightly shoving jisung's shoulder. "seriously, i said it was fine.." you mumble those words, but jisung just smiles.

"i wanted to get you something anyway, i needed to show you my appreciation somehow".

but just your admiration is enough appreciation for me, just you being around is enough, just you is enough.

your own thoughts weird you out on occasions.

"i told you not to—"

"but i wanted to, it's fine y/n, seriously, just accept my gesture".

you bite your inner cheek, he just always has to be nice, doesn't he? your cheeks flare up and you swear your face goes a shade of red you've never seen before, how does one boy even affect you like this? you don't think you've ever acted like this around any of your other admirers ever..

"ah" a small smile comes to your face. "thank you" you whisper, you're not sure why you get so shy all of a sudden.

"it's no problem" jisung responds, a smile coming to his face. he closes the door to his locker, and then leans onto it. "walk with me?"

you blink, jisung really likes walking with you, huh? is this gonna become your thing? you wouldn't really mind when you think about it.. you enjoy walking with jisung, you just enjoy any time you can spend with jisung.

"what's with you and asking to walk with me?"

"walking with you is just.. nice".

"do i ease your stresses or something?"

your tone is meant to come off as teasing, and your question is mostly unserious, you don't register how you sound like your flirting with jisung, probably because everything just feels so natural with jisung, you love how you feel around him, it's confusing to explain.

"i guess you could say that" jisung's response snaps you out of your jisung focused thoughts, thoughts which are difficult to not get stuck in considering park jisung is constantly occupying your mind these days. "anyway, can you walk with me?"

you pause, tongue pressing against the inside of your cheek. you have class in twenty minutes, and you don't really want to walk back all the way with only five minutes left to make it to class. "i don't know.. chen might kill me".

"please?"

that catches you off guard, you seemingly forget how to think for a second. jisung really wants to walk with you so bad, he's reverting to that easily convincing voice of his? you'd be an idiot to say no, you'd be an idiot to deny anything given to you by park jisung, you sigh in your head.

"okay, fine".

a smile of victory places itself on jisung's face, and he takes your hand, to your own surprise, as the two of you begin making your way down the hall. you wanna bring it up, but you don't want him to let go of you, so you don't. your face goes a bright shade of red, jisung doesn't seem to mind, or maybe he's always wanted to hold your hand, you aren't sure.

you focus way too much on it, on the way it feels, how jisung's soft hands contrast your rough ones, how warm his hands are, you don't want to let go, you don't want him to let go. god, you feel like such a loser, freaking out over a boy holding your hand.

but it's not just a boy, it's park jisung, park jisung makes you feel things you thought you'd never feel before..

"why do you seem so worried?" jisung chuckles, his hand holding yours. he nudges your shoulder lightly, raising an eyebrow.

"because, i don't wanna be late".

jisung snickers, not making fun of you, though, he hopes you don't think that. "have you never skipped a class before?"

your eyes widen as large as saucers, model student park jisung has skipped classes? a small chuckle escaped your lips. "no, i could never bring myself to, it always made me feel strange.."

now it's jisung's turn to look surprised, you laugh again, why does he assume you skip classes? or have even attempted to skip? you wonder what goes through his mind. "are you serious? you've never tried to skip before?"

you scoff, pinching his arm. "i tried to once in the sixth grade because of a dare from friends, but i literally couldn't do it, they called me a wimp for the rest of the year".

"aww sad".

"don't give me your fake pity, also— you've skipped class before!?"

jisung chuckles at your surprise, giving a small smile. "it was a few times as a sophomore, some classes are just so boring i can't resist".

"wow, model student park jisung skips his classes? i cannot believe the information that has been bestowed upon me".

the words, paired with your sarcastic tone made jisung let out yet another snicker, he hopes he's not overdoing it in your eyes, you're genuinely just a very funny person. "oh no! don't use this secret to tarnish my pristine reputation!"

"you're such an idiot".

a cute idiot.

"be quiet, you still love me" jisung rebuts, adding a small nudge to your shoulder along with his words.

it's weird to say, but you like this. even with your totally non-romantic feelings for jisung, you find this nice. is this what dating him would be like? you get to hold hands and joke around in the halls without a care in the world? you think you'd enjoy that, you'd enjoy dating park jisung.

wait what?

you snap out of your thoughts when jisung stops, so you stop too. he lets go of your hand, and you resist the urge to frown, because you don't want to come off as desperate. (but you are desperate, you're so desperate, having park jisung hold your hand was so nice, you want him to hold it again).

"this is my stop, thank you for my walking with me".

the words are simple, basic, but you find your face heating up at them anyway. you clear your throat, not wanting to stay silent any longer. "it was no problem, i couldn't disagree anyway".

jisung laughs, he is so pretty, so pretty without even having to do anything significant. "of course you couldn't" he looks down at his feet. "anyway! have a good day y/n, don't be late to your next class!"

you blink as you watch jisung walk into the auditorium for his next class, you watch as he walks away, standing there for what seems like forever. how could a guy, just a guy affect you so much? what is it with park jisung and making you stop in your tracks? he's mesmerizing, just so easily draws you in.

your eyes widen as you realize the time, you're going to be late for your next class, mr. chen is going to kill you!

and as you totally sprint down the hallway to get to your next class, your mind is racing with thoughts of park jisung the entire time.

"AM I NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND?" YOU CAN practically hear the pout in sungchan's voice as he said those words. you place the extra polaroids on your desk, then glance up at your friend, who stares at you with an expression of defeat on his face. you raise an eyebrow, puzzled at what the actual hell he's talking about, he's always just bringing stuff up so randomly, you can't even keep up with what he's referring to now. sungchan just frowns, letting out a groan of frustration as plops down beside you, a small huff adding to his words. you chuckle at the way he decides to present himself, and he groans once again, very frustrated. "where is this coming from?"

"why didn't you tell me about you and jisung".

you pause, an expression of surprise comes to your face, your face which heats up astonishingly quickly. "me and jisung? me and jisung what? we aren't—"

"y/n there's no point in denying it, everyone already knows".

"everyone already knows what?"

"that you and jisung have a thing, it's fine if you don't wanna tell everyone but excluding me? your best friend in the whole entire world from the news?"

"jisung and i aren't dating!" you say immediately, clasping your hands together as you try to calm your rapidly beating heart. why do people even think that? yeah you like park jisung but how did people even reach the conclusion that you were dating? you're not even sure if jisung returns your feelings. "i don't even know where people got that idea.."

"so your constant yearning stares and pitched up giggles are all not apart of that?"

"i don't—" you are definitely showcasing all guilty characteristics, your red face, your shrill voice, and your very obvious lying, sungchan sees right through you, anyone would be able to. "yearning stares are stupid i don't do that!"

"yeah, sure y/n" sungchan sighs, and you groan, screaming into your pillow. "i'm not trying to be mean or anything, but it's disgustingly obvious that you're into jisung, and i mean in a cringy way".

you gasp in offense, turning away from your best friend. you want to remain stubborn, but you can't, of course you can't, how can you even deny your feelings for jisung anymore if other people can now tell that you like him? your face heats up in embarrassment, and you cover your face with your hands. "is it really that obvious?" you mutter, hoping the answer isn't what you think it is.

"yeah, very, i wouldn't even be surprised if the two of you were actually dating and this was a little trick of yours".

sungchan points at you, an accusatory look in his eyes, but he immediately lets it go, because he knows you, and he can tell that you are telling the truth. you don't even have the courage to look at him, still covering your face with your hands. "have you not told jisung how you feel yet?"

your silence tells sungchan everything he needs to know, and the look he gives you is absolutely criminal.

"YOU HAVEN'T!?"

"i haven't found any time too!"

"how much time have you been spending around jisung these days!? you haven't even tried to bring it up to him!"

you let yourself fall to the side, half your body hanging off your bed. "i don't know how to" you whine, mind immediately rushing to thoughts of park jisung, thoughts you probably shouldn't be having. "it's awkward!"

"well i'm sure jisung feels the same with the way he always has to resist the urge to kiss you in the hallway".

"with the way he WHAT!?"

the words are enough to make you rise from your formerly fallen state, a look of astonishment on your face. did jisung really return your feelings? or was sungchan just trying to start something that would end up absolute humiliation?

"y/n, not trying to be rude or anything, but it's so obvious that jisung wants to date you, he doesn't even have to say it for everyone to know!"

you feel like you just discovered the secrets of the universe with those words, park jisung likes you? like likes you likes you? once the realization dawns on you, you gasp loudly.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!? OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS SUCH AN IDIOT UGH!"

sungchan watches you freak out, he truly can't believe that he had to tell you for all of it to finally set in.

it's actually pretty funny, and he snickers as he watches you go absolutely ballistic.

"HAVE YOU SEEN Y/N?" JISUNG ASKS the first recognizable person he sees in the hallway. he hasn't seen any seniors anywhere for a while, but that's because the days keep getting warmer, meaning graduation keeps getting closer, most of the seniors only take two classes and then go on to do their extracurriculars, so they don't really have to spend the whole entire day at school, but it's weird today because he usually always sees you, even when he isn't purposefully looking for you (which has become a common thing for him to do, he's just loves the time he can spend with you). he hopes you aren't absent, because today is friday, and if he doesn't tell you his important news now he's going have to wait an extra two days.

"y/n? uh..." the unfamiliar boy pauses for a moment, as if thinking, and jisung is hoping that it isn't the worst, because he really needs you to be here today. "well i'm not sure where he is actually! probably with his other photographers".

"but he's here right?" jisung doesn't care if he comes off as desperate, his only focus is you, you are his main priority, he doesn't care about the impression he's making on others, he can truly only think about you at the moment.

"yeah! i'm just not sure where exactly!"

"okay thank you!"

the guy gives him a strange look, a mix of teasing and giddy, but jisung walks off too fast to see it, he's set on finding you. he doesn't exactly know where he's supposed to go, he's just hoping to somehow spot you and be able to get you alone.

"what are you rushing for?" chenle comes out of nowhere, noticing jisung's urgency and the way he's clearly focused on something specific strikes him as odd, but he already has an idea of what's making jisung so fidgety. "you're gonna confess your love to y/n or something?"

"yes, actually i am chenle, it'd be great if i could find him, though".

maybe it's jisung's surprising honesty, or the way his main priority is you. chenle finds it amusing how quick the switch flipped, but it's also kind of cute. the usual pessimist, mr 'i don't really care about love' park jisung is down bad for a boy, it's adorable. "have you tried the photography room?"

"where do you think i'm heading?"

chenle chuckles at jisung's attitude, simply smiling and pulling his cheek. "alright then! don't forget to tell me how it goes!"

jisung doesn't spare chenle another glance, just turns back around and focuses on the task at hand, finding you and telling you how he feels.

jisung wonders how you'll react, based on what he's seen, it's not completely guaranteed that you'll reject him, it's probably more likely that you return his feelings rather than don't. does that make him horrible? thinking because you've exhibited the traits of someone who has a crush that you have a crush on him?

maybe you don't like him and he's letting it all get to his head, it all just seems too good to be true.

jisung doesn't even have to go all the way to the photography room, because he bumps right into you whilst on his way there, and a small yelp escapes your lips. "oh my god.. sorry!"

jisung cannot contain his excitement, and his nervousness. there is absolutely nothing to be nervous about, this is y/n. kind, understanding, charming y/n, it's not like he's going to scream at you for telling him you like him. it’ll all be fine.

"it's alright" you whisper, shaking your head for a moment. "i was looking for you" you immediately say, not allowing for jisung to speak before you.

jisung's eyes widen. you were looking for him? it makes his brain go haywire, figurative cogs in his head turning. "that's ironic, i was looking for you too".

jisung swears he can see the red coloring on your cheeks, but he doesn't say anything about it.

"i have to tell you something".

the two of you say that sentence in unison, the same amount of anxiety coursing through your veins, the same red hue on your cheeks, the same look of surprise in your eyes. "you can go first" you whisper, picking at your fingers, you aren't exactly sure if you want to hear what he's about to say.

"are you sure? it seems you have something more important to say.."

"it's fine! really, i can just say it after yo—"

"i'm in love with you".

the words strike you like a punch to the gut, a slap to the face. your stomach drops, your face is burning horribly, and your legs feel like they're about to give in. you cannot believe it, you hope you don't pass out, you hope you don't just die right here, that'd be so embarrassing.

park jisung is in love with you. beautiful, talented, model student park jisung who you've never truly known how you felt about is in love with you. you are so happy, giddy, and it disgusts you, but the disgust is quickly replaced by the feeling of joyousness. park jisung is in love with you, he feels the same way.

"jisung, i'm—"

"it's okay if you don't return my feelings i just wanted to tell you!" is that really what he thinks? that you don't love him back? he must be crazy, you've only ever exhibited reciprocal feelings. "i'll be off now!"

"no! don't go!" you grab jisung's wrist before he can walk away. smart move y/n, you're acting so natural right now. "i just, i return your feelings! i just don't know how to explain it, also my hands are very sweaty right now and i feel gross.."

you let go of jisung's wrist and feel your face get unbearably hotter. it's embarrassing, you feel so embarrassed, but it's park jisung, and jisung just stares at you lovingly. you're so cute, how did it take him this long to tell you how he felt?

"you're so cute".

jisung doesn’t even realize he says the words until you give him that look, and your red face just makes him giggle more. "this isn't— that is not fair! i was supposed to confess first!"

"you're the one who told me to go first!"

"i didn't know you were going to tell me you liked me! i prepared a whole sentence for you and everything!"

you whine, covering your red face with your hands. jisung removes your hands from your face, and a small smile graces his pretty features. he's absolutely gorgeous, he has such a pretty smile, you have the sudden urge to tell him about it. "your smile is beautiful".

now it's jisung's turn to become the red faced lovesick fool. "ah, really?" he responds, voice shaky, hands even more shaky, but they're so soft, your mind always reminds you to note that.

you hum in agreement. "it's very pretty, i can't believe more people don't talk about it".

"well you can talk about it, aren't we technically dating now?"

the question makes you pause. you feel like your about to go insane, you're dating park jisung? park jisung is your boyfriend? this is like a dream come true, a dream you thought would stay a dream and only a dream. "dating? dating! yeah yeah!"

your natural act is not natural at all, you are very nervous, so nervous you feel like your about to collapse onto the floor. "there's no need to be so nervous.."

you groan. "says you!"

"alright y/n" jisung lets go of your hands, much to your dismay, because you frown. he takes note, and reaches over to grab your own once again, intertwining your fingers. "we’re dating, you don't have to go red faced every time i compliment you now".

"but it's you, how do i not?"

jisung sighs, leaning forward and pressing a small peck on your lips. oh he is such a stupid little—

"why would you do that!?"

"i'm sorry!" jisung giggles, he was definitely not sorry. "it was an instinct, i had to!"

"you— ugh!"

park jisung can't just not make you nervous, he's such a crazy man.

one that you love, of course.

"I THINK I LIKE THIS ONE THE MOST.." JISUNG states, admiring the polaroid photos which litter the desk. you hum at his words, rummaging through the box on the counter, you are very much focused on finding that estranged camera taehyun had pointed for you to find. your boyfriend glances up, looking over your shoulder, silently watching as you get frustrated about this stupid camera you couldn't find. "which one?" you inquire, glancing over at him. jisung holds up the polaroid, a picture you'd taken of you and sungchan at the beach when you were nine. a pretty photo, you aren't even sure how you pulled it off. "ah, that is a pretty one" you whisper, and you smile the moment jisung smiles. his smile is so pretty, a cute stretch which is enough to make you smile, even if you feel down.

"what’s with your face?"

"searching for this old camera is pissing me off" you remark, knowing that you have to search for this is just making you even more mad, why do you have to pack the photography room right before graduation? you hate it. "who even left it in here?"

"a former student maybe?"

you close your eyes, sighing. "i need this to be over so much more quickly" you complain, and jisung just laughs at your misery.

"we graduate in a week, y/n, just be patient" the younger pokes your cheek, then he cups your face, trying to make your frown disappear. "an old camera is not the end of the world".

you glance down at jisung's lips, then narrow your eyes. "are you trying to seduce me?" you question, raising an eyebrow.

"no?" jisung responds, adding a small tilt of his head to his words. "do i sound believable?"

"not at all" you say, pushing jisung's hands away and looking back to the box in front of you so you can continue to scour for this camera you have to get for your friend. you continue to search through the box, trying to find this old dslr camera for your friend. "so don't distract me".

"i'm not!" jisung whines, wrapping his arms around your waist and placing his chin onto your shoulder, watching you try to succeed at your mission of finding a camera. "you don't want to give me, your lovely, amazing boyfriend attention?"

you merely roll your eyes at jisung, he's so annoying (in a cute way), you're about to call chenle to drag him away from you, but you also don't want him to let go of you, his arms around your waist make you feel safe, loved, park jisung makes you feel so loved.

"i found it!" you shriek, victory soaring in your voice. "fucking finally".

"okay so can you give me a kiss now?" jisung asks, puckering his lips and leaning closer to you.

he's so desperate, and you are too, it's adorable, park jisung is adorable. "hmm" you pretend to think about it, an inquisitive look making it's way to your face. "nah".

"y/n! that's not fair!" jisung whines, shaking you with his arms that are still around your waist. he frowns, trying to give you his best puppy dog eyes.

you almost give in, but you push him away, taking the camera you'd been searching for. "later, babe".

"you said that this morning!"

you sigh, turning around to stare at the pouting park. the cute pout remains on his face, how can you ever resist him? you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips, ruffling his hair. "there, are you happy you big baby?"

"you could do better".

"uh huh, and you could be patient".

jisung frowns once again, but it's not a serious one, just the cute one he likes to do when he pretends to be mad at you. "don't be mad, you know i love you".

jisung does know, he knows that very well. he smiles at you, he's so in love with you, and not even in an embarrassing way, there's nothing embarrassing about this, he feels joyful, a sense of euphoria overtakes him whenever he’s with you.

"i know, i love you too".

and he isn't lying when he says that.

because he truly does.

[youremyheaven]

U GUYYYSSS storytime:

So I got talking to a guy a little while ago and we vibed realllyyy well. He's lowkey the textbook definition of everything I'm looking for in a guy. He's 6'2, well to do (not rich but does veryyyy well for himself), BULKY BROAD SHOULDERED, Venusian etc

The synastry of our charts is insane 🥵 He had Mercury atmakaraka (remember my Mercury DK?? 😌)

He has a Venus Moon and stellium and he's the most Venusian guy I've ever met,,, he LOVES beauty, art, the female form etc and appreciates it. The way he spoke about it was so hot to me ngl,,, mf was so poetic,, he really knew how to speak sensually without ever being creepy or vulgar

His Mercury AK was in Purvabhadrapada and he had a puppy like softie Jupiter guy personality. I loved the fact that he looked like a WWE boxer (bulky af 🥵) but had the personality of a golden retriever. LITERALLY ALL MY DREAMS seemed to be coming true.

I knew his birthday but not his rising sign. Yk what they say about "if something's too good to be true, then it is" ??? yeah, i just couldn't brush off the feeling that something wasn't right. But I couldn't straightaway ask for his birth time, esp since he's Hindu and will know what's up 🤭😂 ANYWAAAYYYS we're talking and everything and this man is love bombing me HARD and I know it because:

a) I'm a retired love bomber myself

b) This is not my first rodeo

and anyways this 🧔🏻 is talking marriage and babies, he's calling me wifey 😭 (kinda cringe bc he's known me for dayyys but good lord handsome men can get away with anything 😤) and he refers to himself as "husband" 😭😭😭 like "husband's proud of you" and "your husband doesn't want you to apologise" 😭 (ew but he's hot 👉🏻👈🏻) and I let myself have my delulu moment and try to give him the benefit of the doubt bc literally he checks every box 🥹and he's soooo completely fond of me. We used to run in the same circles like 10yrs ago, even though I had no idea who he was and never interacted with him then, he told me that he remembered me from back then and thought I was cute 🥺 and later I took a looooong break from social media and he told me he'd wondered where I was all those years 🥹🥹and then I apparently showed up in his "suggested for you" on IG a few months ago and he instantly recognised me and followed me etc 🥺🥹 he's been tryna hmu for monthsssss now but I was with my ex 🤡and then I was recovering from my ex 🤧 so I didn't pay much attention to it. When he told me all this, it kinda made me melt 🫠 how he kept trying to talk to me even though I repeatedly ignored him etc

And he did everything right. I could text him rn and he'd reply in 5 seconds. He always asked me how I was, remembered things, always sent me like 20 different messages until I replied, showered me in compliments (Venusian men love to pour you with their attention, it can even be annoying lmfao) etc like there was nothing in his behaviour, his tone or his words that was giving me 🚩 he genuinely seemed sweet, caring etc and he loved babies 😩 and sent me videos with his nieces and nephews (man's was manipulator pro max) but YK ME 🤪 when I have a gut feeling ☝🏻 I can't ignore it 🤓 so I was very much waiting for the ball to drop and watch him fuck up somehow 💀 initially I felt sooo overwhelmed by all his love (bombing) that I felt like the bad guy for not reciprocating it or feeling that kind of "love at first sight" thing 🤡 BUT

one day he said "I can't believe I found you after 10 years, that means no matter where you are after another 10 yrs, I'll find you then as well" and I was like 🤨 I thought you wanted to marry me and make me your trophy wife 🧐 huh 👀 and he was all 😂😍haha yes ofc I'm just joking bbg 😍😂 but I knew there was more to it

Finally I got his birth time AND GUESS WHAT???

He's Hasta Rising 💀💀💀💀

Idk if you know already but I don't like Lunar men 🤡 and the minute I found out, I was SCREAMING bc 😭 why would God play me like that???? Put the most perfect guy, astrologically and otherwise, in front of me, I literally have him wrapped around my pinky and HE'S A LUNAR??? why God why 😭

But him & I had come too far for me to dump his ass for no reason 😬 (can't tell him it's bc the sus vibes I got from him was further bolstered by him being Lunar 🤭) so I was praying to God to give me an opportunity where he fucks up so that I can walk away 🚶🏻‍♀️from this situation before things get out of hand

AND GOD DELIVERED 😩

I was texting him the other day and he spoke about how he wants to spend as much time with me as he can before we go out to chase our dreams (move away from this city basically) and I was like 🤨so you're looking for a short term relationship?? And he was like 🥺 no never and I was like why tf would you say you want to marry me and have babies (1 boy and twin daughters 😭🤡💀) if you already know you cannot commit???? And he was like "because we could meet again in a few years and it would be nice to have this plan ready" 💀💀💀💀 HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT AKSKKSJSJDIID brother thinks my IQ is in the negatives bc WTF sort of explanation is that 😭 and i told him "this manipulation might work elsewhere but not on me, good luck tho, bye, I'm done here 💅🏻" and he went 180 and said "I'm so sorry, I was just trying to be funny, please give me another chance, all I meant is that we never know how things go so we can try to work things out but there's no guarantee, please I'm so sorry" 😂😂 and he called me like 3 times and finally said "Can we atleast still be friends? i can't lose you like this" AJSJJSJSJ THE AUDACITY 🤡💀🤡💀

but I just want to say thank you God for showing me his true colours and for giving me the opportunity to exit with grace and dignity and making him feel like a fool 😌✨

[unreadpoppy]

Halsin, Minthara and Datamines

I've talked about this before but I decided to make a more "formal" post about it, so that I don't have to keep repeting myself. Also, this is a situation that lowkey makes me a bit stressed and it has been plaguing my mind for quite long now, so I'll use this as an excuse to talk about it.

Context: There's datamined stuff that people found of a potential ultimatum scene. In it, Halsin confronts the player for saving Minthara in the party, because of what she almost did to the grove, and basically says it's either her or me (hence the use of the word ultimatum) and then the player would have to choose to either keep Minthara or Halsin.

Now, Larian, as far as I know, has made no move to actually implement this in game but apparently, lines have been voiced.

So... my opinion on this (and let me make this VERY clear: this whole post is solely my opinion ok, feel free to disagree with me, I'm not the owner of the truth): I would hate if this got added in game.

First, because I love both Minthara and Halsin, and I was so happy when Minthara was finally recruitable in a good run, because I personally, don't find evil runs as appealing, so it was nice to have her while still enjoying what I was doing. And Minthara is such a fun character and I loved every second I got to spend with her.

Second, I don't think it's a choice/scene that makes sense. Why implent the option to recruit Minthara on a good run and then make the player choose between her or Halsin? Because, if you can't have both, why go through all the pains of doing a good run, and just stick to an evil one if you want Minty? Like, it goes back to what it was previously, making the option to have her in a good run pointless.

Third, this scene, TO ME, feels incredible out of character for Halsin. Look, I'm not saying that the two of them need to be best friends, but it feels weird that the one guy who believes that time heals, that people and circumstances can change, a guy who believes in freedom and all that, would give an ultimatum because Minthara, under mind control of the Absolute, wanted to end the Grove. If Halsin knew that Minthara didn't do those things willingly, that she didn't have a choice and is not proud of the hold that the Absolute had on her, I doubt he wouldn't offer her the same grace of possible change and healing as he does others.

I'm ok if this scene was something like the confrontation between Lae'zel and Shadowheart. The two have a fight, due to different beliefs, and Tav 'picks' a side to end the conflict, but ultimatly, both stay and eventually, get over their animosity towards the other.

But, in my opinion, forcing the player to have to let go of a companion that they fought hard to get, it's just so absolutely shitty and feels like a betrayal to what their characters are. And sincerely, it would make me feel very negative towards Halsin, if he wasn't willing to listen to what Minthara had to say and was forcing the player to choose.

With all of that out of the way, I want to address data mines over all. To make a long story short, I'm not a fan of datamined content. I think it's stuff we (players) were not even supposed to know, and when datamined stuff gets discovered, it's spread around the fandom like canon when it's not. Sure, there is a possibility that this stuff might get implemented but it is not a guarantee, and it should not be treated as canon. What is canon is what is IN the game, what we can see, hear, find, interact, not datamined material.

Also, please people, if you're talking about datamined material, MAKE IT KNOWN SOMEWHERE IN YOUR POST. More than once was I left very confused by people talking about character interactions that weren't in game, only for later to discover it was datamine.

Finally, to end on the Minthara-Halsin situation. I think these two have a lot of potential together. I've been told by a friend that a reason this would be implemented would be because of the 'issue' of these two characters sharing a tent, which I hope it's not the 'reason', bc that's such a non issue, and the two of them having to share a place is exactly the type of potential for like, interactions and dialogues;

Just stop trying to pit two bad bitches against each other and let Minthara and Halsin be together.

[the-cryptographer]

V intrigued by many of your titles.... but I'm going go with viscount and pet I think :)

I figured since I was 'good' last year and finally published a fic where fenhawke was good and presumably endgame (see! i don't hate this ship!) I could finally allow myself to write a fic where it was... bad... Like really bad.

So it's the most diplomatic blue friendmance Hawke where Hawke carried out the annulment and ordered Fenris to kill a bunch of mage children. And Anders and Merrill are both dead*. And Isabela runs away because she can't deal with looking Merrill's murderer in the eye. And Sebastian is heading back to Starkhaven. And Aveline is lowkey blaming Fenris for the annulment because 'Hawke did this for you'. And Fenris has been blacklisted from every mercenary company in the city because he's 'too-clean' as a known associate of Guard Captain Aveline and the new Viscount. So Fenris is entirely out of allies and entirely out of options, so he's got no choice and no justifiable reason not to move in with Viscount Hawke and work as his bodyguard/hired muscle. Except ex-circle mage Bethany is also there having an ongoing breakdown about being only (official) mage to have survived the annulment. So they eventually end up processing this together.

*(I like to believe Justice and Audacity revived Anders and Merrill respectively and they are currently having the most aggro abominated upsetting ptsd roadtrip across thedas together, but Fenris has no reason to know this.)

Anyhow here's an excerpt:

“You know, Fenris, the invitation to accompany me to Starkhaven is still open,” Sebastian offered. Fenris blinked out of his reverie, caught off guard. He still had little interest in taking students and instructing them in his fighting technique – his abilities were inflicted, not taught, after all. And he doubted still that Sebastian would manage to find willing pupils to take his instruction to begin with. But he found himself hesitating over the idea in a way he had not before. Maybe Fenris merely did not want to leave this farewell to Sebastian on a sour note. Before Fenris could say anything, a laugh issued from Sebastian’s lips. “I suppose I am barking up the wrong tree,” Sebastian admitted. “You have built a life for yourself with Hawke, have you not? I know you would not leave him now.” Fenris exhaled. He had been saved the trouble of rejecting Sebastian’s offer, but somehow he felt less relieved than he might have anticipated. Fenris stirred his soup more, fidgeting momentarily, before taking another bite of apple from the salad. “Hawke wants me to quit my mercenary work,” he admitted to Sebastian. “He says he has enough work in the Viscount’s office to keep me occupied.” Fenris took another bite of the fruit salad and chewed contemplatively, before continuing. “And even if there were not enough work, he tells me there’s no reason for me to scrabble about, begging coin off third parties. He says he will see to supporting me.” Sebastian beamed. “It heartens me to hear,” he declared. “You must be very proud, Fenris.” Was he? Fenris wondered. The question must have shown on his face, given the way Sebastian hurried to explain. “You have risen far, since you first came to this city,” he said. “You cannot have expected to have come into such prominence – to become the right-hand man of the Viscount himself.” “No,” Fenris agreed. Not a second time. They finished their meal. Exchanged a hug and farewells. Fenris watched Sebastian’s coach depart, and stood in front of the inn long after his friend was long out of sight.

[domesticated-whores]

list of reasons why i kin angel dust

absolutely nobody asked or cares, and it absolutely goes into headcanon & projecting territory, but it's my void and i can scream into it how i please, so--

also, tiny note, i am loose and casual with kinning. i'm just saying heavily relate to the point that i can easily see myself parallel that character.

gay femboy supremacy 💅💅

nice tits (his are fluff, i'm transmasc and am too fem to care to go into debt over physical transition... either way, we got soft titties)

wearing pleasers ✨️exclusively✨️ (i also wear demonias, but they're owned by pleasers)

earlier iterations of him were more genderfluid but he's now canonly a cis man, i use to think i was more genderfluid due to being super fem (presenting) sometimes and being just meh about my body but am now confident that i'm just a really genderqueer trans dude.

doesn't overly mind fem language, *sometimes* intentionally uses it. refers to self decently androgynously (alternating between "fem" and "masc" shit)

pet mama 💕

my cats are my babies, i'd die and kill for them, genuinely one of the only lights in my life

animal lover in general, honestly!! babes, they're so fucking cute!!

i also prefer fucking ugly/weird animals like farm animals, trash animals (possums, raccoons, etc), some reptiles, and spiders

spiders are my very favorite creatures, so yeah i fw the spider character

overworked at a shitty job that there's no real way out of

like, i didn't sell my soul ig but i live in a small area and don't drive, and my cats need food and a roof over their little baby noggins, so mama needs a job no matter the cost

also, TOXIC fucking work environment. not comparable to workplace abuse, but FUCK--

and i ✨️ain't doing that shit sober✨️ bbgirl, i DRINK because of that place.

((that's a half-truth, i don't go TO work drunk because i am not subtle, but the instant i'm out and have any money--))

i also work A LOT, honestly. icky, nasty, 'sgusting.

✨️inferiority complex and heavy masking✨️

feet are weird, i especially hate my own

don't touch my feet, don't look at my feet, if anyone's around imma be in socks or smth, feet are a hard no for me

let's 👏 talk 👏 kink 👏

into bdsm and generally kinky shit

✨️ SUPER sex positive ✨️

growing collection of ✨️toys✨️ that i'm becoming increasingly proud of

it's a part of life, so i really don't see any taboo in fucking??

willing to try almost ANYTHING if i stand to gain from it or just to see if i'm into it

✨️ switch ✨️

PRAISE ME

... or, alternatively DEGRADE ME

on the regular, i just want to feel safe and loved and lowkey spoiled--

but i also fuck HARD with the spicy stuff

honestly, hardcore things are more professional than intimate

((i don't do sw, but i am into kink in a very nerdy, special interest, academic type of way... fuck me so i can write an essay about the dynamics at play, daddy~!))

on that note,, ✨️ trauma ✨️

specifically, sa :)

sa that really changes how you see and use sex, and how you outwardly PRETEND to see and use sex

being manipulated by someone you cared about in some way

((luckily, mine was short-lived... only the aftermath was long-lasting))

there's also family trauma :)

the idea of going no contact--

i kin people that are no/low contact because FUCK~ it's a lovely concept. i personally can't for... reasons... but if i could

will make the cheap-shot sex joke

i vape only the fruitiest bullshit flavors and, like, rip angel you would have loved this straw-blueberry vape with this funky abstract art on it bby

that's just, like, off the top of my head. idk, idk. he's literally me. not on everything, but he's the character i've related to the hardest in a HOT SECOND.

also, love the fact that all of this is true but also valentino is my fucking all time favorite character and my pfp. like, i look at angel and am hit with most deep and profound sense of "this is a character a that i relate to and see myself in to an insane degree" and then i turn around and see his fucking abuser and, with my FULL fucking chest go "scrumbly wittle bpd princess man 💕, i wuvs him 💕, i couldn't fix him but i could break him and mold him into my little disaster housewife 💕" like a fucking insane person. it's fine, it's fine, their literally cartoons!! i'm delulu about drawings!! it's okay!!

[thegeminisage]

i don't know how i'm supposed to simply do a tng update when there was SPOCK but obviously last night (tonight as i type this, but it's late, so this post is going up while i'm at work) we watched unification part i & part ii

tng update:

🌈SPOCK🌈

okay, i'm normal again

part i: BITTERLY disappointed that all we got out of this episode spockwise was one blurry photo and him coming in right at the end. i had a feeling they'd do that. i guess now i have to talk about the nonimportant nonspock parts of this episode 🥱

ive decided i hate sarek's new wife. what business is it of hers if spock objects to sarek in public? if sarek didn't have a problem with it why make one? evil stepmother fr. why did sarek marry another human anyway does he have a fucking fetish or something...at least she was too old to get knocked up. i was reading about ages on the wiki today and amanda was only TWENTY YEARS OLD when she had spock. sarek would have been 65. i know vulcans age way different so it's not as creepy but STILL. girl, wait until you are old enough to drink

speaking of sarek...i went back and forth feeling terrible for him and wanting to attack him with my bare hands. under one hand he is on his deathbed and obviously very ill and miserable and suffering deep regrets over past mistakes and it's hard not to have sympathy...on the other, maybe if you wanted less deathbed regrets about your relationship with spock YOU SHOULD HAVE TREATED HIM BETTER! bitch.

also, whatever he and picard had going on was homoerotic. "we're part of each other" why do they talk about the mind meld that way in tng and not in tos. why did picard feel up sarek's hand on his deathbed the second his wife looked away. hes got a history of homewrecking since he (i know) had his affair baby wesley with beverly. so Whats Going On

picard forcefully obtaining the klingon ship. i LOVE when he gets to be a bitch

ROMULAN RACEFAKING??? a proud star trek tradition at this point i guess but it was truly awful to behold. DEEPLY disappointed sela did not later lick the paint off his ears as the klingons implied she would. smh

i like also how riker blew up that whole ship and nobody batted an eyelash. he really can just do whatever

part ii: SPOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the first time i cried was when spock himself came onscreen at the end of part i. then just as soon as i collected myself he mentioned jim kirk twice in the space of 30 seconds and i lost it again. we are literally bridging the gap between tos spock and spock prime from aos rn and i Dont like it.

Very Sad his dad kicked it before they could reconcile. but i saw his microexpressions when picard delivered the news. i missed them more than you can possibly imagine

i did love though that he started viewing picard as like a proxy sarek. imagine having daddy issues with a guy who is 75 years younger than you. lowkey they also had a little homoeroticism happening. "cowboy diplomacy" sure whatever

riker and the four-armed pianist 10/10 i hope they fucked. i'm so glad we wont he riker roulette and it wasn't creepy. also only riker could successfully flirt with a women after killing her husband in a spaceship battle <3

i'm a little iffy on spock's uhhh whole deal in this episode. he's lik yeah i chose the vulcan way of life these romulans are gonna have way better lives after their vulcan enlightenment but meanwhile he's criticizing sarek for his obsession with logic to the exclusion of all emotion (which is what he decided in tmp, that you need both) and also the vulcan way of life has done huge damage to his relationship with his father as well. so which is it?? idk, maybe he's not doing well because of sarek dying and all but he seemed like he was in a very "im not willing to acknowledge that i have emotions because rn theyre causing me pain" sort of mood. buddy :(

then again, it IS a tng script. we can only expect so much. it wasn't so inconsistent that it took me out of the episode but it did bother me a little because i just don't understand why he's willing to devote the rest of his life to this cause...he seemed to imply he had emotional reasons but what were they?? we will quite literally never know.

what's wack to me also is that in nineteen years romulus is gonna be GONE. like it's just going to be gone. eaten up by the sun or whatever. if someone had a baby right now on romulus that baby would not be old enough to drink before the sun swallowed them. so everything spock is doing is for nothing.

sela in this episode was really funny. "i hate vulcans." so true queen. i mean i don't care about her at all but that was hilarious

data doing the vulcan nerve pinch!!!!!!! that was so fun. i don't think it requires telepathy to do, just super strength, but i guess if you do then that makes no sense. it made me happy though.

the end when spock melded with picard to quasi-meld with his father and almost wept was me crying for the third time...i couldn't stand seeing him cry!!!!!! i can't believe sarek really just died without ever reconciling with him but i kind of like it better this way bc what sarek did was his own fault not spock's. so spock got closure and sarek. didn't. rip dude

okay. this concludes. the SPOCK UPDATE. tonight: a matter of time. and TOMORROW........the undiscovered country. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[imjustavenuxwithaboomerang]

soo i just finished watching the knights of zodiac movie, here are my thoughts:

it was the most objectively mid movie ever

^okay maybe not ever but mid nonetheless

seiya and mylock best characters no i don't take criticism

the cast was just so....small...

^speaking of the cast, the fact that zoro from opla, bethany from jumanji, and cesar from on my block were all in this movie feels so wrong to me

what is cassios's problem??? why is he so mad all the time???

why do they keep calling seiya's dodging techniques, "dancing"??? it looks like normal dodging to me

mackenyu in normal clothes is something i didn't know i needed until now

the purple wig!!! burn it

what does knights of the zodiac even mean?? what zodiac??

also for what felt like such a long movie, i feel like nothing happened but also somehow like everything happened

i kinda really like that seiya and sienna didn't kiss

^like i got the vibe that they might do that but somehow not the vibe that they liked each other ya know

are we just gonna pass over alman and guraad taking kids???

are we gonna pass over guraad trying to kill her daughter until the last second????

are we also gonna pass over that nero casually has cosmos yet guraad never harnessed it???

apparently we're passing over a bunch of stuff

also i kept hearing "almond" instead of "alman" and that is nobody's fault but the creator's

i would like to say that i immediately clocked that nero was the phoenix knight and i'm proud of myself

is docrates still chained??? is he dead???

if seiya and pat are biologically related, their names could literally not be more different

^if they aren't then ignore this thought

i lowkey don't know what i watched

[tigre-edi-rawr]

Week 44 - Thursday

Very productive and happy day.

I woke up today then cooked carbonara for lunch. After that, to make the day a little bit interesting... I painted my room's table, will be using it for work and wanted it to be white to make it look a little cleaner. After that, I went to cuddle with my pamang-nak who's taking her little noon nap tapos nagbardagulan na kami pagkagising niya.

Tumakas na ako kay Tasia tapos nagbasa ako ng libre. I finished the second chapter of Atomic Habits today! So happy, and it was not a lazy read. Nagulat nalang ako tapos na ako lol, super good read! Very me iz da chapter 2! I totally agree.

Lastly, I ate dinner while watching movie with my parents. One of the things I miss doing in my free time. Did the dishes tapos sabi ni papa "mukhang sanay ka na talaga doon sa apartment mo noon ah" I'M LIKE "OF COURSE! I HAD TO DO EVERYTHING FOR MYSELF NO!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA which is very true so lowkey proud of myself.

Anyways, that's a wrap. Tomorrow I'll be back to work na ulit.

[joyjoyjoy]

hi again

tumblr is lowkey dying, and it has been for a long time, so I don't feel any remorse for making it my online diary. I was thinking of starting a substack, but I want to write actual half-academic essays for it instead of whatever the fuck I write on my diary (analog) or on here. I realized there is a lot of pent-up emotional writing I have kept inside; I might need to get it out of the way before I go onto the big leagues.

Jack is still heavy on my mind. Heavy. I don't know how to shake him off. It's been more than a year since I last saw him and a solid seven months since I last spoke to him. He still dawns on my psyche every now and then. Maybe it's because I'm in Europe and last time I was in this continent I was grieving our relationship heavily. Since he haunted me again with the emails, and proceeded to ghost me (WHO GHOSTS SOMEONE THROUGH EMAIL YOU HAVE TO BE SOME SORT OF UNAWARE SON OF EVIL ?!!), I never really got closure. Writing about the subject will have to keep me afloat from that. I don't know. I'm trying my best. I deleted his number so I cannot ever text him or drunk call him again, but I do still have his substack and his email. If he didn't change it that's it. I got a feeling to go look for his writing and so I saw that he had 3 new entries and they're all pretty mediocre and not in the way that you would usually use mediocre but in the way that Jack would be. He would have a high level of intellectualism but then use it in the laziest way imaginable, translating into a half-assed train of thought neuron to keyboard ineligible 275 words. Disappointing. Whatever. Nat is right, he is not all that! He has a podcast and vapes for fucks sakes! Think!

Anyhow, I was reading his best friend's substack (Cole) and he was saying how-- let me just copy and paste the excerpt. He goes:

"I’d really love to become a famous New York alt-lit author. Move to the big city, go on Red Scare, meet Nick Mullen; but my crippling nicotine addiction is standing in my way. A few days ago I quit vaping, and now I find myself thinking about it every second of every day. I don’t know how I’m supposed to become a famous New York alt-lit author if all I can think about is nicotine instead of writing short fiction about what a very interesting life I live."

This is how I feel about men and it infuriates me how blatant and bland their obstacles can be! I wish my only obstacle would be a stupid little vape! JUST BUY A GODDAMN PATCH AND MAN UP! idk get arrested or go to the army or something! I, on the other hand, have the generational trauma of latina women and the weight of chauvinist society on my shoulders. Plus my daddy not being present is not helping my case whatsoever. The thing is, unlike Cole, I've already quit this whole men-shablam and guess what? they still come back. With more fury and rage than before. You thought the last one treated you bad? just you wait darling! and I'm just supposed to take it because the alternative is to not have sex with any of them and then be haunted by the ghost of previous men who have treated me like shit aka what is going on right now! They won't leave my goddamn brain and I do admit it at least gets me to write, but if all I write and all I have to say is my laments for the male species... then do I have to say anything at all?

I consider myself to be someone quite eloquent, quite intellectual, well-read, and self-actualized. In moments like these though, it is hard to believe such things. I don't know how I'm supposed to become the person I have to be if I'm being held up by men who would hang up on me and don't think I'm even worthy of a reply. He doesn't think I am even worthy of a reply and this is how I repay myself. Instead of being kind and letting go, I transfix and still read his pedestrian personal essays a year later.

Be someone you are proud of. Be someone you respect. You have other men who love you in your life, don't pay mental energy to the ones who don't.

[causenessus]

THANK YOU REE FOR FILLING MY NOTIFICATIONS I AM ALWAYS SO HAPPY TO SEE SOMETHING FROK U!! DON'T BE SORRY AT ALL <3

❥ started writing

since forever!!! my sister first introduced me to fanfics so many years ago <3 maybe probably around like fifth or sixth grade! i honestly still have so many notes written down for story ideas from different fandoms over the course of the years LOL

❥ started blogging

i've literally come back to tumblr like three times it's so funny 💀 I probably first made my account in 2017?? mb?? and then definitely the second time I came back it was in 2020, and then came back again at the start of 2023 I believe with a completely new user and everything

❥ followers

i'm at 998 followers rn LMAOOO this is crazy I'm so grateful for each and every single person that follows me and am literally flabbergasted people have notifications on for me <3 I'm trying to think of an event or something to do yk for 1k followers!! but I just have no ideas or I'm scared it won't get a lot of participation 😭 which is why sometimes I post extra things (my self indulgence-y is thru the roof) as my special milestone posts

❥ communication

i have so much social anxiety and am super introverted 😭 I think it shows a little bit bc I've always been a super apologetic and quiet person!! still am in person but it's a little easier for me online although I still suck at like posting things other than my writing on my blog. like I want to post random rants or just things going on in my life which I've been getting better at but sometimes I just get scared bc I'm like "why does anyone care 💀" I love interacting with people though!! followers, readers, mutuals, anyone <3

❥ likes

i'm so thankful for any interactions!! it does not matter to me what that looks like, I totally get being terrified of reblogging bc I still get that fear so it's not a big deal to me. it's always fun to see like comments/what people think in the tags yk but that's just bc they make me giggle and it lets me know what people think!!

❥ requests

my requests are always open!! it's always such an honor that someone would come asking for me to write out their ideas yk but like ree mentioned i won't force myself to write something i'm not feeling (or i'll ruminate it on months and see if i can cook up something)

❥ writing

I LOVE WRITING!!! i've become completely self indulgent lolol like i think when i first started posting for hq my headcanons lowkey blew up so i tried to follow that format but then i stopped caring and also eggy came into my life <3 and i started writing smaus which have been so fun!! like honestly in my entire life of writing i have never finished a work. i always lose interest or motivation but now i have three completed works!! my older writing honestly used to be a lot more venting/therapeutic/comfort stuff i needed but atp...i've repressed my entire childhood...i keep trying to tap into those memories so i can write deeper stuff BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYMORE LMAO 😭

❥ works i'm proud of

definitely new grounds and cold kisses!! i had so much fun writing them and ofc i've been gushing all over love notes which is an upcoming smau <3 also my headcannons for atsumu and oikawa not being playboys (honestly my recent works is my entire list of works i'm proud of, there's a reason binary stars isn't on it LOL)

tags (if u so desire!!): @eggyrocks @kitnootkat @cr4yolaas + anyone else that would like to!!

Behind the scenes of a Tumblr Writer - Tag Game

Hey there, I love behind the scenes and since this is something that's rarely talked about, let me start the chain... if you feel uncomfortable with a question, just skip it. You can add some if you want as well.

Started writing: I wrote my first Harry Potter fanfic at age 10. Started posting around 15,16 years old. I'm now 31, so...

Started blogging: I started on a German fanfiction site around 2010/11 I think. Might have been earlier too, but back then I was mostly reading, no posting. I really started when I got into One Direction (very late, tbh)

Followers: Currently at 961, which is wild to me. I don't even know that many people IRL. I convince myself that half of them are bots tbh, so I don't freak out all the time.

Communication: The people I talk to regularly are: a few writers who answered after I constantly reblogged and commented on their works and a few people who commented and reblogged my work. Writing and blogging on here can be pretty lonely, depending on your personality and the time you're active (I'm from Europe and a lot of my followers seem to be living in Northern America, so there's the Timezone thing) ... And I found that the best way to strike a conversation is to reblog, comment, and to not be shy. I do wish I got more asks, though....

Likes: I actually filter them out. I have 793 original posts up at the moment. It doesn't give me anything to know how many likes a fic has other than to tell me which characters are liked more than others or maybe that one fic does especially well. My activity only shows me comments, asks, reblogs with tags, and answers to my own asks. I live for the tags and the comments.

Requests: I love talking to people about ideas. That's how I started the plotbunny game because I have so many ideas and so little time. And sometimes an idea just doesn't want to be written out fully. Requests are fun because YAY, I get some mail... but then I freak out because I don't really know how to write this NOW and then I freak out because it's been a week already, two weeks, wait, two months? I'd rather have suggestions where people tell me vague things like "I'd love to read something about this side character" or "Have you ever considered this character with a soulmate trope"? because then I don't have the feeling of failing the request when I write it a little bit differently.

Writing: I am a fast writer. I know that's one of my talents. I can churn out a oneshot of 1k words in less than an hour. People read slower than I write. That can suck sometimes because you've just posted this and you want to know what people are thinking but they're not as fast as you are. I do have a lot of ideas. I want to write constantly but my brain doesn't always want to. I am trying to respect that.

There are also certain things that I just feel wrong writing. I cannot write anything suggestive (I also don't like reading it) and everything past that gives me panic attacks. I can hardly write mean characters and jealousy feels so wrong to me that I cannot write it. I've also overdone it with the soulmark trope and now I feel like everything I write about it feels lifeless.

I write best in the mornings before going to work, but I don't have much time there. I don't need special music (but it helps), but I need to have at least some energy left and at best, no distractions. But I have been writing for over 20 years, so I will say experience helps a lot.

Tagging: @revasserium @shoulmate @lemurzsquad @screamin-abt-haikyuu @toomanygoldfish @satorisoup @emmyrosee @reverie-starlight @alienaiver and @writingsofanomnivore and everyone else who wants to join

[welkinsky]

Naruto Men X Reader | Someone Threatens Y/N

Request: I recently had an idea of them how would be if they witness someone threatening their gf/Crush I think the asshole would be dead 😅

Character: Kakashi, Madara, Tobirama

Kakashi

He is a very observant guy and when it comes to you? He don't miss a single thing. But recently you've been tensed and a little worried about tiny things.

He didn't asked directly but have asked indirectly on multiple occasions. But it was bothering him. Considering you are some who love to moon gaze and go on walks you denied going out at night recenlty.

But then this one time it was full moon and he asked you if you'd like to go for a walk, you made an excuse. But that was it for him, he asked you very upfront, "Okay Y/N I've tried figuring it out myself and I cannot come up with anything, what is wrong?"

You just smiled and shrugged it off with a 'eh it's nothing' to which he replied, "Well it obviously is something! You've been really worked up over something recently and I cannot accept the fact that I'm not able to help at all."

You both sat there looking at each other in silence for a second or two and pain was clear on your face and not to mention the teary eyes.

He hugged you and didn't say anything, he respects the fact it is something that you want to keep to yourself. But you confessed, after the last mission where you have to face some materialist casualties in a transport mission. The merchant has been threatening you ever since and their entire family have been bulling and passing rude comments which is never the case because there is not way this is okay to do especially when you were able to save their men.

Aah the rage you've witnessed on Kakashi's face was something you never want to be the reason of.

After consoling you and assuring you that it'll never happen again he went straight to Tsunade and you've never heard from that family ever since. You don't even know what happened to them or what was the conversation that he had with Tsunade but you trust him so you were quiet calm and at ease now.

Madara

You two were walking together along side the river, just having the normal conversion when out of no where this guy comes and start dissing you for hanging out with an Uchiha.

You ignored him and called him out, "You're not even close to what they are so how the hell are you even capable to saying a single word against anyone?"

Well, safe to say that Madara was proud hahah he LOVED it! Obviously treated you with your favorite sweet after that, that's his love language.

But recently he has been observing how you avoid any public appearances with you. He was really worried that you were loosing feelings or found someone else. He didn't mention it but could see that you noticed that he noticed too. So no he was sure that something was off.

He thought of ending it to make it easier for you so he asked you to meet him for one last time so he can break the news to you and he did.

The second he said that you broke into tears. He was extremely confused, guilty and sad at the same time. Isn't this what you wanted? Why are you crying and asking him to stay?

He asked very directly this time and explain what he have been observing.

Turned out the same loser from that day have been bugging and threatening to hurt you and your family if you didn't broke your bind with everyone from Uchiha clan.

Madara was calm but you could see the rage in his eyes. For others he might be "handling the situation well" but you knew better, you already feel bad for the bully.

You never got to see him ever again, after a few days you got to know that he left the village. Till this day Madara never accept he did something extreme, but you know him.

Tobirama

Tobirama and you were pretty lowkey. It wastbetter this way. Because of hi equation with the Uchihas he don't trust them so he wanted o keep this a secrete. You were okay with that too because he had a valid point and you just wanted a peaceful relationship because it was all chaos for you two but this bond is what brings you both some sense peace.

You had Uchiha friends but you respected Tobirama so you never tried to impose your thoughts on him.

He was having some friends over and by chance you had your friends over on the same day, some of which were from the Uchiha clan.

Tobirama and everyone were respectful yet distant to them that day. But one of the guy came up to you one day and you two were having a normal conversation till he started talking about how you're friends with Uchiha while at the same time being with Tobirama. "Well, we are in a relationship, I get to choose my friends and so does he, we respect each other like that." You tried to dodge the question but the friend was persistent to the point that he was being threatening. You were feeling reeeally uncomfortable and unsafe at that point of time.

"Do we have a problem here?" you heard a familiar voice and YOU WERE AT EASE! It was Tobirama, he overheard the entire conversation. You got near him as much as possible.

He ran his hand through your hair and said with a smile, "You go ahead," now giving a death stare to his friend, "I'll have a word with him alone, he needs that." and back to you with a smile that lingers of guilt and love too.

You never heard from that friend after that, you saw him around but he kept his distant from you after that. Pheww.

______________________

Thanks For Reading and for the ask too!

Naruto Shippuden Masterlist

If you liked it you can check out the masterlist too!

Asks are still open if you want to submit any ;)

[daynada]

JJK Characters Finding Out About Your Second Superhero Life [Content Warning: fem!Reader, Bad Humor, Poor Grammar, Angst If You Squint]

Itadori Yuuji: Should've Known On Accident. Somehow Still Didn't Realize.

“I'M SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE CHANGING THAT'S COOL YOU'RE COSPLAYING AS YOUR FAVORITE SUPERHERO - I ALSO REALLY LIKE-“

“Itadori you dumbass! I AM [Insert SH Name].“

Already considers himself your sidekick/accomplice - a big supporter and fan. Understanding that his sorcerer life is in constant danger - lowkey will try to actively throw himself in peril in the hopes to see you in action and save him. Even though, he's strong enough to save himself. Yeah. Utterly annoying. Can you imagine if every citizen you saved had immense monstrous strength - that they all pretended to be normal? Itadori Yuuji is no exception. Was it mentioned that he's your biggest fan? Besides his reckless decisions, he also wants to fight by your side on your heroic active duty, since his goals are pretty much aligned (unless you're an antihero, different goals, etc). But he wants to protect you just as much. So you don't have a choice - he's gonna follow you like a bashful puppy to keep you safe.

Also asks stupid questions. If you shoot projectiles out of your hands...

"Where else does it come out of?"

If you have a very unique or strange superhero name,

"So like, is that your legal birth name?" People who ask stupid questions, do stupid stuff.

If you haven't been not answering your phone,

"Hmm.. maybe she's in danger!" Standing on the roof of the tallest building he could find, "OH NO, SOMEONE HELP ME!" he screams as the missing-brain idiot pretends to throw himself into near death. Just for you to leave your post and save him so he knows how you're doing. Will also probably alarm the firefighters and all first respondent services.

"Itadori-! What the hell are you doing! This is the fifth time you've pretended TO UNALIVE YOURSELF!" "Oh hey (y/n)! It's been a while, how's work going?"

For shit stuff like that, he tries to make it up for you. The curse-vessel can't help but miss you when you're out so often. And as much as he loves taking advantage of being saved by you, he's proud to have you in his life. Even before he found out your true life. Yuuji can't live on thinking the "what if" moment happens to you. But despite that gut-wrenching idea, he believes in your strength.

"Besides, I know no matter where I'm at - even when I think I'm gonna die, which happens a lot actually! - I know you'll come and save me. I believe in you. Always have!"

If anyone close to you finds out (Itadori accidentally told Kugisaki and Fushiguro) he'll subtly mention and lowkey brag about being your best friend.

"It's not a competition, I knew their secret first. So."

Kugisaki Nobara: Uses speculations as a joke but flatlined your true identity.

“Haha! I mean you might as well change out of this alter ego of yours and save those people, that would explain when you're gone..." And of course, similar to her powers, she's got you by the nail. “Wait wait wait WAIT- you’re actually… I mean it was just, I was just joking! There's no way you're... WHAT THE HELL!?"

Pretends to not care and yet still messages you and your well-being.

"Hi, just checking in to bully you... Um anyways, if you need anything - you should know, you're not the only one that can kick ass-! So...- ugh! I just wanted to let you know... while you're looking out for the little guy, you got people looking out for you. You got me. Don't come back beaten up, I'll clock you in the jaw! Kidding..."

Like Itadori, she wants to help you out - but she wants you to ask her for help. In a way, she makes you think you need her. And why wouldn't you! (She'll threaten you). Probably even makes absurd reasons that you need the straw-doll sorceress:

"Well you know what they say, with a beautiful accomplice, such as myself, all your enemies would weaken by infatuation!" "Bullshit."

Of course, even if you don't she'll still manage to find you... (she stalks you on your active work) and aids you with defense and her ranged technique in the battle with your target. Tries to be suave when fighting alongside you, really just wants to impress you.

She'll evolve your work into her life like she's the main character, as she should. If she's humbled enough (hardly), she'll make her lifestyle the love interest of your story.

"Since I'm the sexy accomplice, does that make me like Catwoman? Or even a black cat? Would I look good in white hair? Don't answer that, of course, I would. Or WAIT! My dyed hair - is this my MJ moment?!" Your ginger-haired friend said that too overexcited.

"Where do you think I could buy a leather suit in Tokyo?"

Fushiguro Megumi: Considering he's one of the smartest students with the highest IQs, he'd put the dots together fairly quickly.

“Listen, I’ve been wanting to tell you something. I know now. Well, I’ve had an idea you were hiding something. And considering you don't show off your powers when you've been a registered sorceress for a long time - and leave campus for long hours in the dead of the night or the daytime on weekends. When you leave, she shows up." You feel your cheeks simmer in heat. "That obvious?"

Gives him a reason to protect you, he believes you have unshakable character - you're a good person because you want to save people. The sorcery workplace doesn't value or regard such morality - it's more getting the job done balancing the human life and curse in the world. So he holds it in high regard that you do what you do - since you're not getting paid to save people in general. Risking your life twice as much as the regular sorceress.

You tell him to bug off even when following you to your secret (not so much anymore) missions. He'll make an excuse. "If you're going alone every night, someone has probably found out by now. I'm coming to alleviate that concern to make you seem less suspicious." What Fushiguro couldn't say was that he going to help you and was also intrigued to see you fight. Whether he wants to admit it or not he’s looking out for you. He’s got your back.

Now that he knows your secret life, he also knows how much will change his life if it doesn't remain a secret. It's beneficial that his aloofness and distant personality already collaborates with the fact that he doesn't talk about himself so he's able to slip through the cracks of hiding your identity and hiding the fact he's technically an accomplice.

The smartest first year thinks ahead and plans out things to avoid scenarios. When principal Yaga asks where you've been during school hours, he'll defend you smoothly. If someone asks why you've gotten a newly bright purple shiner on your eye, the dark-haired sorcerer will say you were "reckless when we were out on a mission." If the world turns against you, he'll turn against the world for you.

Lowkey takes pride that he found out before the others.

Bonus:

Gojo Satoru: Already knew. Pretends to be shocked.

Teases you in front of people dropping hints when your heroic planning goes on but not enough for them to realize. “Ara ma~! I can’t believe it! Who would've thought you would actually be here - that your second life is actually-!” “KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN, YOU BLINDED BASTARD!” He laughs, making your gut churn harder from the nervousness. “Don’t worry!” You can argue a trillion reasons why you have so much to worry about now that he knows your true identity. But that's one thing you both have in common, hiding secrets. It's until the silver-haired man presses a finger to your lips back to his, insinuating a hush. “I can keep your secret…”

Nanami Kento: Grateful for your services.

With gifts like yours, he expects you to use them to help people, as with great power comes great responsibility. And that phrase would be bullshit to some sorcerers (Yuki or Gojo). But not to Nanami. “I trust you, I know I can trust you.” Similar to Megumi, the part-Danish sorcerer will steer attention away from as much as he can without being too dodgy. Especially when Gojo tails you. "(y/n)-channn~! You're looking more tired as always!" "After seeing you, who wouldn't be fatigued?" Since he's usually pretty busy on the clock too, he tries to aid you - at least with things like wrapping bandages around your wounds. Again, the life of a sorcerer is miserable. But the gratitude to receive is just as great as the gratitude to give. “Thank you, for everything."

[1111jenx]

aries venus & taurus venus

what they remind me of ;

- from a Leo Venus's point of view:) (I found this when I scrolled to the bottom of my draft and I'm lowkey speechless at how wattpad-like my writing was back then damn, so I wanna share it with yall:D enjoy this short descriptions)

Aries Venus

Love with you feels like sharing a blunt. You're so playful and sweet you make me blush like I'm falling in love for the first time. Your cocky grin and proud gaze makes my heart skip a beat. With you it was sunshine and flowers always. Your daring and fearless nature never fail to surprise me. I never have to pretend to be someone else in front of you, I know when you said you love me, you love me as a whole. We would lay down on the fields on grass and look at each other until the sun finally sets. Your eyes are glazed with summer fire, burning my soul away. How is it possible that you can always tell when I'm mad? Your passion for life always surprise me, you teach me what it truly is to be a kid again. You're so loving and fun and I would never trade what we had for anything else. Every adventures, every arguments, every tear was worth it. You are worth it.

Taurus Venus

I never told you how many nights I have cried over you and I probably never will. I see your love through details and your subtle signs. When I'm with you its like you don't want me to love you for your personality, you want me to love you for how you look, how you speak, how you hold my hands tight when you think I'm sad, how you put your jacket over me when a wind blows by. Your love is so different, I can't get enough of it. I'm so grateful for everything, for your compliments and attention, for your possessiveness and tolerance. How is it possible that this time, a proud person like me finally feel that I need to have someone? At the end, I know it's over when I no longer see myself in your eyes. I loved you too much but I know I loved myself more. So I left since I know it will hurt you. The disappointment and loss in your eyes when you heard me and I see a tears in your eyes for a brief second. That's what I wanted. But also it is time for both of us to realize that it takes more than comfort to be with one another, when the passion is gone, all that left was attachments.

love,

saint jenx🪐

[t-lostinworlds]

THANK YOUUU I'm lowkey v proud of myself for getting thru all that public speaking and loss of sleep

siblings omg awww your dogs get that much cuter in my head with every detail🥺😭 that's so cute

i will never not reread that fic tbh it's just one of the classics right up there with Break Up With Your Girlfriend by tomdutch

i just like pain if you can't tell😭😭 that explains all of my obviously bad decisions regarding my love life

-🌼

you should be proud!! you did that!!!

i would post pictures but they're not the most photogenic bunch + i've got like, shitty camera so 😭😭 but they're mixed breed so they don't look like siblings but they are, just, trust me LMAO.

thank you hun 🥺 but omg yes!!!! that fic emotionally wrecked me and even just thinking about it hurts my heart to this day 😭 count on @tomdutch to make you feel all hot one second and then sob uncontrollably the next lakslaksask

but no i get it alkslaks nothing quite like reading angst in this lil old app tbh. but hey, at least you can like, learn some things from it, maybe, maybe not. but at least you enjoyed the ride LMAO

[strititty]

for the shipping meme: hal pls

My NOTP for them 

who would i not ship hal with. hm.................................. ... ... no i don't have a strong notp vibe here either.

My BROTP for them

so in my last post i mentioned davesprite and hal and that still stands here! i think they they would have a good dynamic.

My OTP for them 

if i said anything but dirk and hal i would be lying and i would be lying very loudly and obviously. i am going to say that i have sort of an obsession with doppelgangers, and of all the instances of doubles in homestuck i think that these two best suit the niche of my desires. part of it is the way that hal actively takes dirk's place without telling others ig and part of it is the way in which he is trapped and who has done the trapping.

they're two sides of the same self-destructive coin and i think that that's PERFECT.

see a fatal error has occurred by mortior for something a little more in line with canon, or endangered by the very same for the ar/dirk smash hit that everyone who likes the ship has read and if you haven't i am genuinely surprised and curious as to how you managed to go so long without

here's a crimson peak au (seriously this author's fics are absolutely killer, the vibes are always impeccable) or maybe for something more modern you could read ghostlyAnarchist's haldirk fight club.

i'm also fairly proud of my a/b/o attempt at them--it's one of my first forays into omegaverse and i think i did alright so i am in fact going to shamelessly plug myself here ehe

My second choice pairing for them 

hal and roxy!! god i love the two of them. one day maybe i'll manage to finish the college au fic i started for them, but for now i'd like to give special honors to kimoi's inanimate, which i read years and years ago and it sort of planted halroxy in my brain. it doesn't really reflect how i think of the ship now, but i think it's fun to look at what got my fresh-faced young ass into things.

My fluffy pairing for them

a lot of the ships i have with hal aren't... fluffy. that said hal and roxy are probably the closest i've got so! see above. i love how roxy is one of the few people who's happy to talk to him and helps moderate between him and the others...

My angsty pairing for them 

dirkhal is a clear cut answer here too haha OOPS

My favorite poly ship for them 

where'd i put that hal/equius/dirk fic... AH it's one of laura's! i believe you are familiar with this one sz but i'll link it anyway. :3

My weirdest pairing for them

HMMMM. i have some vague thoughts about jade/hal but i can't remember exactly where they came from so that might actually qualify as something weird!!!

again also there's alpha bro/hal which given my tastes is also not that weird. i was looking for a fic with them on ao3 that was kind of lowkey guro, but i can't find it, so that might have also gotten taken down :pensive: