#i'm kinda mad at kendall tho ngl

[inkameswetrust]

The Window Sill (Pt. 6)

Pairing: James Diamond x Kendall Knight

Characters: Kendall Knight, James Diamond, Katie Knight, (The Mention Of) Brooke Diamond

Content Warnings: Fluff, BL, SFW, Slight Angst(?)

Word Count: 2,551

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As Kendall shook off the petrification Brooke had relentlessly instilled in him, the twinge of pain in his chest stopped him from entering the building. He was afraid to enter, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, and upsetting Brooke even further. Kendall knew James and his friends were expecting him. Still, suddenly his feet surrendered to the pavement as if he'd sunk underwater with an anchor tied to his ankle. It seemed impossible to reach the entrance door if Kendall was no longer treading water.

His fingers curled inward, not enough to clench his fists but enough to give off the impression of being unsettled. There was a faint wincing sound rumbling in the back of his throat that, too, was afraid of moving any further. It was as if Kendall's whole body had retreated to the safety of its shell like a tortoise in harm's way. After raising one hand to wrap his weary fingers around the strap of his backpack, Kendall hit the ground running and fled the parking lot.

He swiped his phone from his left back pocket and flipped it open to text James. Kendall attempted to type a message saying that he wasn't feeling well and had taken the bus home, but his phone chimed with an unsavory beep when he hit send. A notification popped up on his screen saying he had insufficient text credit. Kendall swore under his breath with a hearty groan to accompany it as he crammed the bottom half of his phone into his fist and shoved it back into his pocket.

A passing public bus made its way beside a nearby bench mounted to the sidewalk. It creaked and huffed as it came to a drawn-out halt and opened the door. Kendall sprinted inside, pulling out a handful of loose quarters from the side of his backpack and sliding them into the coin slot. He avoided eye contact with the bus driver and hurried to the first available window seat. His arms wrapped around his backpack as he sat it atop his lap and let his head tilt against the window.

Kendall's phone buzzed in the confines of his jeans. He sat still at first, knowing James was most certainly texting him about his whereabouts. The temptation to open his phone and read James' text was too great. But what was the point? Kendall had no way to respond.

His phone buzzed again, its vibrating sensation becoming strikingly alarming the second time. Kendall sat with his open palm against the side of his face, almost as if to shield himself from the impulse to respond. As he fought back the urge, a third and final buzz triggered his brows to furrow. Kendall whined into his palm but stood his ground and kept perfectly still until the bus came to an uneasy halt at his stop. He scampered away through the exit doors down the middle of the vehicle and tightly clung to his backpack as he shuffled the rest of the way home in a daze. His scuffed-up Converse Chucks scratched against the asphalt as he barely lifted his feet with each weary step.

Kendall stomped onto the porch with his head heavy in his hands like a boulder. He stared at the front door as second thoughts began to consume him familiarly. Did Kendall make the wrong decision by leaving so abruptly? Could he have at least called? Part of Kendall wanted to come hurdling back to Brooke Diamond Cosmetics Headquarters despite his complete journey home.

Before Kendall could get his foot in the door, Katie stood before him, wearing a look that connoted neutrality and indifference. Her eyelids hung low in contrast to the cock of her brow, accompanied by her lips stretching out in a straight line.

"I was gonna open that, y'know," Kendall sighed, gesturing to the house keys he crammed in his fist.

"Didn't need to," Katie replied, almost as though she were mocking him, "I could hear you moping from a mile away."

"Whatever," Kendall groaned as he brushed past Katie and stormed off to his bedroom.

Bewildered and none the wiser, Katie watched Kendall disappear behind his bedroom door. The only sound accompanying it closing shut was the sound of Kendall flopping backward onto his bed. He ran his palm across his face and his fingers through his hair as he pinched his eyes shut. If only the world could smite him where he lay and erase the turmoil brewing in the depths of his soul. Life could never be that merciful, though. Kendall was doomed to sit and stew in his own emotional filth.

He rolled onto his side and fetched his cell phone from his pocket. Kendall grimaced as he flipped it open and punished himself by continuously reading James' text messages. The blonde wondered if it was too late or cowardly to call now. He clenched his fist around his cell phone and grunted out of frustration. Why wasn't there an easier way out? Why wasn't there a silver lining in all this? His fit of brooding was cut short by a knock at his bedroom door.

"Are you okay?" Katie murmured.

"Go away..."

Despite Kendall's protest, Katie twisted the doorknob and tip-toed to his bedside. She nervously twiddled her fingers at the sides of her jeans as her gaze fell upon any direction but her brother's.

"Did something happen?" Katie continued.

Kendall curled up in defense and hugged himself in deafening silence. His blanket rustled beneath him as it bunched and folded to match his movements. Katie shuffled closer and sat at the foot of Kendall's bed with her hands awkwardly folded atop her lap.

"Is it James?"

"I just thought this would be easier," Kendall sighed, turning his head back and meeting Katie with half a glance.

"Wait, what? You still haven't talked to him?"

"No, I've obviously talked to him already. That problem's been solved," Kendall retorted as he sat up on his bed, "We're actually... dating now."

"Then what's the problem? That's what you wanted!"

"I know that!" Kendall barked as he raised his hand to chest level and offered the sight of his open palm as a means of defense. He immediately regretted raising his voice at Katie. It wasn't like him to shout. Not at family, at least. Katie leaned back and temporarily distanced herself from Kendall. She was annoyed to be caught in Kendall's emotional crossfire. She made that known with the curving, souring, contorting expression of contempt painting her face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell," Kendall confessed after a long overdue deep breath, "It's just that... I don't know. This is just a lot harder than I thought it'd be."

"Did something happen?"

Kendall's eyes flickered at Katie with discomfort. He unclenched his fist and left his cell phone at his side while recalling how Brooke Diamond threatened him and his relationship with James. It still gave him chills to recall the words she spoke to him.

"I think James' mom may have seen me kissing him," Kendall admitted uneasily, "She told me she could have me replaced in the blink of an eye and that she only lets me around James because I can keep him happy without interfering with the plans she has for him."

Katie sat beside Kendall in disbelief. She had no words with which she could respond to her brother's tale. It was common knowledge that Brooke Diamond was a force to be reckoned with, but this seemed excessive even for her.

"I got so scared that I left without saying anything. I ran away and took the first bus home I could catch," Kendall continued, "I was going to text James I left, but I ran out of credit."

"And you didn't call?"

"Well, I was going to when I got home, but..." Kendall trailed off.

"But what?"

Kendall shrunk his posture and averted his gaze from Katie. He cowered at the realization that he'd be reprimanded for yet another exhibition of poor communication or the lack thereof. He sat there silent and still as he braced himself for impact.

"You really have nothing to say?" Katie sneered, "Go call him right now, you idiot! He's probably worried sick about you!"

"No, he's not!"

"Kendall, you make everyone worry about you." Katie countered, "All you do is make reckless decisions. Then you run and hide when things get difficult."

"Oh, what do you know? You're just a kid!"

"Yeah, a kid who knows better than to avoid her problems!" Katie snapped back with her hands on her hips in a similar fashion to that of her mother.

Kendall flashed a displeased look in retaliation to Katie's comment. She had him cornered, but he'd never admit to that. His stubbornness was one of his strongest shortcomings in circumstances such as this. Katie narrowed her eyes in defense and stood her ground with a glare that shot daggers at Kendall.

"Just call him already."

"Fine!" Kendall grumbled as he swiped his cell phone from his pillow and dialed James' number. He raised it to his left ear and listened to the monotone chime of its ring. The ring sounded louder than usual. Almost as if it could be heard from a distance. Confused and mildly intrigued, Kendall darts his head in every direction to locate the additional sound. He looks behind him, and to his surprise, James is waving through the window with his cell phone in his vacant hand.

"James!" Kendall cries as he rushes to his window and pulls it open, granting James entry.

"Hey," James chimed as he climbed through and lowered his feet to the hardwood floor.

The two boys, while relieved to see one another, were awkwardly silent. There were numerous things to be said, many glances to offer, and quite a few gestures to share, but none of the courage to exchange anything. Sensing the rising tension in the air and the desperate need for a private conversation, Katie shuffled back to the door with an awkward grin.

"I'll just leave you two alone," Katie uttered as she closed the door and tip-toed into the hallway. She left an additional moment of awkward silence in her wake. Kendall plunged his fists into his pockets and nervously tucked his lips inward. James took note of Kendall's slightly averted gaze and parted his lips to speak, albeit quietly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Kendall replied with a weak smile.

"Are you sure?" James questioned, his brows furrowing with disbelief. "Because you left without saying anything. I texted you."

"I know. I'm sorry," Kendall began, pacing around the room and speaking with open palms, "I wanted to text you back, but I ran out of credit."

James watched as Kendall nervously marched across the floor. Those frantic footsteps and frenzied hand movements always worried him. The brunette was confused, and his question had yet to be answered, but he was concerned, above all else.

"I was gonna call you earlier, but then I wondered if it was too late and maybe I was making a mistake. I'd already gotten home, so I figured there was no point," Kendall continued, trudging from corner to corner. "But then I realized the real mistake was leaving, and believe me, I wanted to go straight back as soon as I got home."

James curled his fingers in anticipation. He itched to reach out to Kendall and strip him of his unease and stress. Though, he sensed Kendall was far from finished. His words came spilling out like water splashing through the cracks in a dam.

"I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't shown up," Kendall sighed, with his head in his hands. "Maybe I'm in over my head. I'm terrible at this! I have no idea what I'm doi—"

James ground Kendall's spiral to a halt by pulling him in by the arms and, with a gentle yet unwavering grip, joined their lips in an abrupt kiss. Kendall's eyes snapped open, and his body stiffened under James' touch. He was stunned into silence yet again. It wasn't until the crescendo of James' kiss that Kendall felt calm enough to loosen up and surrender to his senses. James pulled away, his hands swimming down Kendall's forearms until they reached his fingers.

"What was that for?" Kendall mumbled with a nonplussed look.

"I don't know, I was worried about you," James sighed with a heavy gaze.

Kendall brought his palms to his face and groaned as he hunched over, saying, "Ugh, am I terrible at this?"

"No," James refuted without a second thought. "Do you think you're terrible at this?"

"No... maybe... I don't know! This is just harder than I thought." Kendall panicked, "I just can't stop worrying about who's looking when we're together. I don't want anything bad to happen."

"Is that why you left? Because you were scared that someone saw us?"

Kendall's heart stopped at the sound of that question. He wanted to be honest with James, but there was no use in confessing to being threatened by his mother. James was incapable of confronting or standing up to Brooke. He couldn't possibly jeopardize his position as her darling boy. Cornered and afraid, Kendall had to concoct a lie that was believable enough to be true but not enough to make a fuss. He felt their relationship depended on his response and that he'd have to choose it wisely.

"Y...Yes," Kendall mumbled, hoping to not come off as uncertain. "I think someone saw us holding hands at school, and I didn't wanna slip up in front of your mom, so I ran off!"

"Oh, I had no idea anyone had seen us," James sighed. "I mean, you're always trying really hard to be discreet. I thought there was no way."

"Yep... someone saw us. A couple people, actually." Kendall replied, wearing a poker face as he mentally reprimanded himself for expanding on his blatant lie.

"No wonder you're so stressed out," James chuckled. "Imagine if my mom saw us, too. She'd lose it!"

"Haha, yeah! We wouldn't want that..." Kendall replied as he forced an ingenuine grin for James' benefit. He was sure this decision would come back to haunt him. Kendall couldn't deny he'd already jeopardized their relationship with the secret he began to keep.

"Well, I'm glad you told me," James breathed, "I was starting to think you were pulling away from me."

"From you? Never." Kendall replied, the strain in his face easing away and melting into a more natural look.

"Good," James purred, pulling Kendall in for an additional kiss with the cupping of his cheeks.

Kendall's face soured at first, his gaze hardening and his eyes still fluttering open. It felt wrong or even dishonest to kiss James under these circumstances. There was a potent taste of distrust and guilt lingering on his breath that Kendall couldn't seem to shake. He furrowed his brows, shut his eyes, and crept his hands up James' chest until he was distracted enough by the kiss to put his thoughts to rest. After all, this problem would go away by itself, right? Kendall could only hope life would spare him the consequences of his actions just this once.