#i'm kind of tired and stressed in like an everyday sense and i did just cry a little bit for normal reasons but i am OKAY...

[sophie-frm-mars]

I'm gonna plural discourse for a bit

There's a video that I saw that proposed changing the diagnosis of DID/OSDD to either Dissociative type PTSD or BPD with dissociative amnesia. I think this is not a wholly sensible suggestion and I get into why in the first half of The Mad & The Mentally Ill (text up on my patreon video out in a few months probably) but without getting into a deep critique of the diagnostic model itself I wanna talk about the merits and problems with that suggestion

So on the one hand, PTSD and BPD are already both dissociative in their lived experience. With PTSD you have both the dissociation of feeling like your trauma happened to someone else and the dissociation of feeling like you aren't where and when you really are when you're experiencing a flashback. BPD is dissociative in all its core mechanisms, and there is a sort of emotional "dissociative amnesia" at play when someone with BPD moves from one extreme emotional state to another, because they shift emotional reality so fast it can give them and people around them whiplash. This is a part of what gets people with BPD called manipulative - they change emotional states so fast people assume they must be faking how they're feeling to get what they want.

Therefore it makes some sense to some degree to say that someone whose dissociative identities are formed out of intense trauma has PTSD and that a system of alters that resemble different "personality states" of one core identity is BPD. Or at least it's a somewhat internally consistent model

On the other hand, the lived experience of plurality isn't like that and the best way to explain the difference is to say "it's like you are several different people". In other words I think that there's something potentially useful in this suggestion for helping plural people understand themselves but the suggestion itself is coming from a strictly singular perspective that wants to insist that the ontological nature of the self is singular and in reality the self is simply plural in all cases. "Singular self" people are radically different people who experience radically different thoughts and feelings at work, at home, with friends, with family, when stressed, when tired, when reminded of childhood. As Richard Schwartz says "parts work is for everyone" and I think this attempt to legislate plurality out of the DSM is philosophically an acknowledgement that in effect everyone is at least a little bit plural and an attempt to reconcile that by saying "therefore no one is" instead of opening up your conception of the self to a little more possibility than previously allowed.

Besides all of this, and now I am getting a bit into my critique of the diagnostic model, trauma works differently for different people, and for some people the minor traumas of simply being alive are enough to have profound psychological effects. In the plural community I've seen discussion of "endogenic systems", i.e systems where "they're just like that" rather than there being a specific root trauma. The trauma that forms something like BPD is everyday and commonplace - an environment of traumatic invalidation - just kinda being gaslit by life. Also I think there's a popular understanding that the way people heal from wounds is not their "natural" state and is therefore wrong, but you just have to accept that you are the shape you are and you have no choice but to love yourself. I guess after writing that sentence I should probably acknowledge that I'm plural and that I've known since I was a teenager but was too scared to tell anyone until about two years ago. Where was i. Okay you need to accept that every experience shapes and affects you some amount and lose the idea that trauma is a unique kind of experience which is bad and makes you somehow bad or less or deformed.

Just because someone is some kind of way because of experiences they had doesn't mean they need fixing. Everyone who will ever live is ways they are because of stuff that happened. My point is that I don't see a distinction between systems being "born this way" or formed through specific trauma as long as they are comfortable and happy existing as themselves in the world, and it's stupid and reductive to try and redefine plurality in singular terms when no one is truly singular anyway

[acidichcl]

Huge rant incoming about my life. Sorry, i just really want to get this out

Ngl im really tired. I've done so much for my dad but he just keeps on messing up. Im very tired. From when i was 15, to end of high school, i raised money to take care of me, my dad, and my little brother. We could not even eat, but i reached out to people in my school, and thanks to their help, we were able to make it work. But then everyone had to graduate, and we cant rely on them forever.

Then, me and my little brother had to separate from my dad. We were supossed to live with my mom, but my mom lives with her boyfriend in a very small apartment. So we both lived alone. My dad had no phone, so i lent him mine. My mom scolded me for it cuz i care too much abt my dad (she actually said some things that genuinely broke my heart, it almost drove me to su*cide) but i just had to know that he was still there. We talked using gmail, and he would always send me emails abt how sorry he is and to forgive him because he hasnt eaten in days and he tells me hes going to die. So i opened commissions and worked my ass off while i was still in school, to send him money like every week. Then my mom couldnt take care of us anymore so we got sent back

My dad is a very smart man. He went to MIT, he had a good paying job. But he did not like his boss overloading him with work, so he talked back to him and got fired. It's a shame, but i guess i can let it slide. That company did end up going bankrupt since that incident. He then had a job opportunity overseas. Passed the interview and everything. All he had to do was send proof that he did go to MIT. So he did, and with whose money? Mine. It's like a few hundred dollars to send the documents to them. They accepted it and wanted him to start working. But he changed his mind. He did not wanna go to work 🙃 his reasoning was bc he'd die of loneliness and stress bc me and my little brother wont be there with him. Obviously i dont want him to die, so i just let it slide. But again, i cant force him to go anyway. He's the adult

Then, we had a friend who owned a little food spot. My dad and them were very good friends, and theyd let us eat for free. They told my dad to just treat them as a family, ask for anything. But my dad's pride and ego refused to tell them what he wants. Is he there for food? Is he there for the internet? They cant read his mind. So he cut ties with them, even left his bike there. He got so angry that they did not immediately come with his food, he didnt even wanna talk to them about getting his bike back, so he walked home. It's still locked in their garage to this day. I guess i can let this slide, i understand not wanting to look like a beggar asking for food. But i feel like if my dad was more friendly, theyd approach him. But whatever, im still sad about us not having a bike anymore. A shame :( I had some job opportunities but I have no transport

My dad had many times yelled at me for acting like im superior or smarter than him. Maybe out of frustration i have accidentally acted like that. So i just did what he told me to do. To shut up and let him do the work, while i do all the house chores and cooking. After all, i am a girl. That is my job. I'm fine with it, if it helps my dad focus better

I cry everyday. I pray, hoping that my parents, esp my dad, becomes nicer. He has never hurt me physically, but he is not a nice or gentle person. I cant talk some sense onto him. Noone can. Even the fact we were close to dying of starvation, this didnt budge him at all. He did think of becoming more gentle and kind, but whenever he lashes out and be negative, he tells me it's just his character and he cant change.

I dont doubt one bit that he loves us. My parents loves me and my little brother, im sure of it. But not enough to think of consequences of their actions. Instead, it's me and my little brother having to sacrifice some stuff so that the consequences doesnt hit us as hard. I love my dad and i dont want anything bad to happen to him. My mom also wants to take care of us but she cant handle being close to my dad. My dad has sent her death threats before (it's not out of no where. My mom did something bad, but still. Pretty harsh) So its either kick my dad out and leave him to die on the streets, or we'll forever live like this.

Going through all these bad things isnt the painful thing. It's the fact that there has been so many opportunities thrown at us but it was thrown away because of pride and ego. If only my parents can work together. But they both have their problems, and no matter what i do, it's not good enough, or im to be blamed if something goes wrong

These issues have been going on since grade 3. I remember it all. It's just getting bad as I grow older. Sometimes i wonder if im gone, will they realize the error of their ways? Or will they just blame eachother even more, and hurt my little brother instead? So i have to stay. Somehow i have to just endure it. I dont know how, but i hope everything will be worth it at the end 🙁

[psychologicalwhorefare]

your blog is so normal tonight char

thanks it's because i'm such a normal girl btw

[daceydeath]

Gentle Saviour

pairing: bang chan x reader word count: 3k genre: angst and fluff with the barest speck of suggestiveness at the end

------

you have always dealt with insecurities and having a family life where your sense of worth is questioned leaves you with issues, good thing you have bang chan and his selfless support of you.

----- a/n: written entirely in lower case. also not totally edited so there may be some grammatical errors but i'm dyslexic so i mess spelling and grammar up sorry.

insecurity was something you had always dealt with. being run into the ground because of what you wanted, asked for or often even how you were made you constantly hyper aware of your flaws. the fact that it was usually at the hands of people you loved, trusted and adored made it all the worse, conditioning you into someone who could rarely ever trust that the people around you or whatever praise they may send your way. it made your relationship with yourself and others more difficult than it ever needed to be often leading to fights, tears and breakdowns. you felt isolated from the happiness you saw around you. resenting those who managed to feel happy with their lives.

meeting chan had only made it harder for you in some ways. He was so kind, so sweet and far too good a person to be wasting his time on you but he did and he always insisted he had no place he would rather be than with you. you had met by accident when he ducked into a small cafe to avoid photographers who were tailing him. looking for a place to sit that was out of the way he plopped himself down into the last table in the back corner half covered by the indoor plants that made the decor seem more homely. not noticing a bag already sitting on one of the chairs that you had left when you went to order your iced honey latte. when you approached the table it had surprised you to find him there but he had quickly apologised a look of guilt crossing his face as he planned where he could next hide. in an unexpected move on your behalf you had invited him to stay where he was you were only going to be reading anyway it didn't matter if there was another person with you. he had thanked you repeatedly his adorable dimples and smile lighting up his face. he seemed nice you had thought before retreating back into your head. when he felt it was safe to leave he did but not without thanking you again and sliding a note into your belongings with his name, a number and an email hopeful you would contact him.

that day had been a little over a year ago and although it had taken you a day to pluck up the courage to text him it had been a fateful decision that had turned your life around. at first it had just been texts back and forth then after a week or so he started calling you which was pleasant, his voice seemed to always melt away the stress you felt in your everyday life. after a month though he finally had some free time to actually catch up with you so you had leapt at the chance to actually see him, even if it was a little strange since all of your contact had been via your phone, he made you feel like you had been friends for years. made you feel safe and cared for and very quickly you had fallen for him.

"what are you thinking about" his voice bringing you back to the present to the quiet park you sat in together "you have been spacing out for a while now are you feeling alright?" he waited for your eyes to meet his before placing the back of his hand on your forehead to check your temperature

"im alright chan i'm just tired" you explained slowly smiling at him and he took his hand back and ran it through his blue hair "mum has just been really hard on me lately and my brother is alway on her side. it gets exhausting to be honest with you" chan furrowed his eyebrows are he frowned he knew you had a hard home life but it was increasingly oblivious that you were struggling more than you ever had

"what is it about this time? if you don't mind me asking that is" chan had always tried to get the details from you without pushing too hard he knew that would make it worse for you and he would never want that besides you were one of the the only people he knew that wasn't in the industry or family he wanted to keep you as close as he could. you gave him perspective, kept him grounded in a way that no one else did you were very special to him.

"just my life decisions nothing i do is ever good enough, my job doesn't pay enough, my education isn't good enough, i'm not smart enough and that i will never be pretty enough to marry well. just the usual really" you explained glumly "it's getting harder for me to ignore it nowadays it's just all the time i can't take much more of it"

"then don't" the blue haired boy exclaimed "come back to the dorm with me. just for the night the boys love you and i can totally stay on the couch or the floor" his quick verbal deluge surprised you. you had never stayed the night with chan you had fallen asleep on his shoulder watching movies before but he always woke you up and made sure you got home safe "on top of that your job isn't permanent you can get another one if you like and you are gorgeous so dating son't be hard for you"

"i can't do that what if someone at the company found out or worse one of those psycho fans of yours" your head was almost spinning at the suggestion you would love to stay at chan's for the night if you were honest you would love to stay with chan forever. he unwittingly had made you fall in love with him so soon after you met that you could never bring yourself to even imagine being with someone else preferring to be alone than with a guy who wasn't him. you were so caught up in the possibility of what could go wrong you had totally missed him calling you beautiful.

"yes you can and you will im not giving you the option tonight. you will come for dinner and a movie and then it will be too late and dangerous for you to go home so you will have to stay. the guys will back me up on this so don't make me call them" he was already texting the group chat to let them know what was happening. you sighed you knew that determined look chan was wearing on his face and it was pretty much impossible for anyone to change his mind once he decided that strongly something.

'ok chan if you're sure it will be ok" you agreed tentatively watching as his phone lit up with endless comments from the boys. felix was already starting on chocolate chip cookies for you all, lee know was asking about your food preferences and jeongin wanted to know what kind of movies you liked. they were darlings all of them and it almost hurt how grateful you were for them. getting to your feet you followed chan back towards the dorm being careful to keep enough space between you that no one could get the wrong idea.

you arrived at the dorm with chan after stopping to pick up a few ingredients that lee know needed for the dinner he had planned it was almost coming together so smoothly that you would have thought they had pre-planned this whole getting you to the dorm thing between them earlier. walking in you were quickly swamped by felix and changbin for cuddles as chan disappeared and while hyunjin made some tea for everyone.

"hyung said that you were having a bad day" seungmin stated quietly handing you a mug of the fesh hot tea

"thank you minnie i am not the best right now" you smiled up at him taking the warm mug in your hands

"do you want to talk about it?" felix whispered cuddling up to your left side

"it's just family stuff lixie i don't want to bore you all" you explained gently as each of the guys sat down around you with cups of tea "this i delicious tea jinnie" you murmured as you savour the flavour of the tea mixed with honey and warm milk

"it's not boring if its upset you" jeongin said as comforting as possible his voice soft and warm as he pouted at you. you thought about it for a moment as you felt several pairs of eyes on you as chan returned from his room and plopped himself down on your right side his arm instantly falling onto the back of the arm behind your head as he placed a black hoodie on your lap

"you said you were cold when we were getting here but since you haven't got anything with you just wear mine" he explained to answer the unsaid question on your lips smiling you detaingled yourself from felix and slipped it over your head. it was easily a few sizes too big for you since chan wore his hoodies on the oversized and baggy side anyway and it made you feel almost shy to be so small in his clothes.

"thanks channie" you whispered almost too quietly to hear feeling quite overwhelmed by the kindness they were all showing you. tears pricked your eyes and you blinked quickly trying to fend them off before any of them noticed even though you knew it was foolish they always noticed.

"nope no tears baby" Han announced as he launched across the coffee table to grab as many skzoos as he could before throwing them at you comedically. you giggled as you were battered around the head by a wolf chan and puppym while a bbokari sailed passed you and his chan in the face "sorry hyung but this is an emergency" he ducked but then continued to thow the plushies until all of them were around you or on you.

"my mother and my brother spend all their time trying to run me down. its getting harder to ignore that's all" you explained looking and the jiniret in your hands "my job isn't good enough, i'm not smart enough, i'm not educated enough and i'm not pretty enough to get a rich husband. which by the way is the stupidest thing i have ever heard i don't want a rich husband, if i ever got married i would want a nice husband not a rich one who even cares that much about money" your frown deepened as you started to vent to the boys around you "besides i don't even date so there isn't going to be a husband" you finished grumbling picking up leebit from the floor and smoothing out the fur. the boys all looked at you with shock then each other and finally chan before all talking over each other

"who cares what job you have you are still young"

"you are way pretty who even says that to their own daughter? you are the prettiest noona"

"your brother is a jerk if he thinks you are stupid, you are super smart"

"your mum really only worries about money?"

"i need to figure out how long to set the air fryer to cook them both!"

"you don't need a rich husband you have us to look after you"

"what do you mean you don't date why not you're so beautiful?

you teared up again but this time out of happiness they all looked so offended on your behalf and you couldn't help but feel loved and cared for by them. it warmed you knowing that these were the type of guys you had befriended these sweet boys who would always try to lift you up and look to help you with anything.

"why don't you date?" chan repeated slowly glossing over the fact that it was the second time today he had called you attractive to your face. you blushed the dark pink quickly racing across your cheeks and down onto your neck.

"there is no one i like" you replied softly hiding your face behind the sweater paws you had from the hoodie he had lent you

"Oh really? i would say that there is from that reaction" felix teased bumping your shoulder with his which in turn caused you to bump against chan's warm chest

"hey, hey, hey, hey less teasing more being nice you lot" chan playfully admonished enjoying the feeling of you leaning against his chest. you had yet to re-adjust yourself and he would take any moment of you being this close to him.

"ok if you are feeling better maybe you could help chan and i in the kitchen with dinner?" lee know asked trying to further distract the conversation away from your embarrassment as he and chan both stood up

"of course i'll help i don't like to freeload of you" you missed chan's warmth against your side but easily accepted his hand to help you stand leading you back through the room passed the dining table to the kitchen he didn't let your hand go. which also didn't go unnoticed by the others, each smirking at each other as they all realised that you wanted chan probably as much as they knew he wanted you. after chopping vegetables, making rice and helping lee know grill meat you all sat down together for your meal. the boys complimenting you and lee know on the food while chan just let the acknowledgement of his efforts slide knowing the praise would help you feel happy. after helping clear the table changbin organised han, seungmin and jeongin to wash the dishes while felix got out the cookies he made earlier in the afternoon and helped make hot chocolate with hyunjin while chan took you back through to the lounge to pick a movie. you settled on a marvel film to hopefully appease all of them.

"thanks for thinking of us but squirrel and i were going to go for a run after dinner" changbin apologised after to you looked up at him with worried eyes

"that's true i lost a bet and this is my stupid punishment" han whinged playing up the whole situation as changbin dragged him up the hallway to change into workout gear

"lix, jinnie and i are going to work on some choreography at the studio tonight so that we have something to show our manager for the comeback in a few months" lee know explained which you nodded to instantly

"oh of course if you need to work i don't want to hinder you but please don't overwork yourselves" you replied guiltily not wanting to hold up their schedules more than you probably already had. they each grabbed a bag and made there way out of the dorm followed not long after by changbin and han. finally jeongin and seungmin left to their own dorm to do a vocalracha vlive leaving you alone with chan.

"i guess it's not a movie night then" you muttered reaching for a cookie that had been put on the coffee table along with the hot chocolates that were left for you. chan sighed he realised that the boys had made these excuses to give you some privacy without wanting to let you know that they were giving you privacy so chan knew he had to make the best of it.

"we can still watch a movie or we could play a video go or just talk whatever you like" chan started softly "or we can just go up to my room to hangout" he trailed off looking at you warmly.

"chan can i ask you something and you won't think less of me?" the apprehension in you voice obvious to chan

"of course you can i will always support you, you're one of my closest friends" he answered immediately trying to calm himself for the possibility that this question could cause him or you pain. he watched you take a deep breath letting it out slowly as if to steel yourself for his answer

"did you mean it when you said i was beautiful earlier?"

"yes" chan breathed out instantly "i meant it when i said you are gorgeous earlier today too" he watched as your eyes widened in shock meeting his and you gasped sharply. in the few second he gave you to comprehend what he said he realised you were not unhappy with his compliment you were in fact very pleased with it. making up his mind he quickly cupped your cheek in his warm hands before leaning in to place his lips tentatively on yours this kiss soft and short but still incredibly sweet. your eyes had still been open he was sure of it but when your fingers slowly rose to your face to touch your lips you smiled brightly

"chan" you sighed softly feeling as though you must be dreaming silly grin on your lips as you blushed all the way to your ears "i have wanted to kiss you for so long would you kiss me again?" chan's heart soared as he realised what you were saying nodding emphatically he connected his lips to yours once more this time letting you kiss him back before deepening it until you were both out of breath. coming up for air he watched the dreamy expression on your face and knew there was only one more thing he had to say before this night lead you both to whatever destination fate had for you.

"please stay here with me and be mine, dont go back to your family stay here with this family stay here with me" he knew he sounded as though he was pleading even begging but he didnt care he wanted you only you. "i love you baby and i swear i'll take care of you forever" you felt as though your heart would burst from his confession knowing that he was putting on the line right here and now for you. you pulled him back to you to place a searing kiss on his lips.

"i love you too chan and i'll stay for as long as you want me" your words coming straight from your heart amazing you how right they felt to say

"always then" chan whispered taking you hand and leading you to his room.

[cottoncandyjester]

Yan oc squad when jealous

Okay so I'm currently working on backstory posts for all the boys as well as kinkmas stuff so til those come out enjoy random quick headcanons about the boys or any request people want to give about..well anything

Theodore

He hates getting jealous

It's a bad feeling

When he sees you smiling and laughing cause of someone else a dark feeling fills him

He can't help but think of horrible thoughts like you finding someone else

These feelings control him and cause him to do foolish things or things he would seem as idiotic

If you're talking to someone he will quickly come to you and hold you simply staring

He is far too much of a gentleman to make a scene

He shouldn't be so jealous but as he watched you giggle with an old a friend during what was supposed to be a coffee date, he gripped his cup as he felt like some sort of third wheel. Everytime he would try to interrupt you he was cut off by your friend and their obnoxious talking

Soon fed up with it he stood up now grabbing your arm feeling you tense lightly, he simply flashed a sweet smile now holding your hand

"I'm sorry to interrupt this conversation but we really must go, right sweetie?"

Before you could speak the male was pulling you out the cafe and towards the car, his grip on you firm as his sweet smile turned to a friend now glancing over at you

"don't talk to that person ever again, she is bad for you okay?"

"I'm an adult I ca-"

Theodore pulled you roughly infront if him his eyes wild with rage but he simmered down now smiling as he reached out and placed a hand on your cheek

"what did we talk about hmm? You make bad judgements, you're too sweet and kind and everyone will take advantage of that..so trust me when i say they are bad okay?"

You gulped and gave a small nod, you did trust him since he always knew best but he still scared you. You had no choice but to agree and as the two of you went home you could feel the tense jealously coming off him..he truly wanted you to himself

Hikaru

Is a very very jealous person

He had a photoshoot in korea and of course he had to take you along for the ride

It was a lovely vacation

During the shoot his photographer would ask you questions

His photographer seemed to like you

And hikaru did not like that

Of course hikaru kept his cool but after a while he got fed up

He sent you back to the hotel so he can deal with this

After getting very violent he comes back blood soaked and takes his anger out on you

Hikaru has been gone for hours but you figured nothing of it, maybe photoshoots take a long long time. You sat on the hotel bed scrolling through your phone before you heard a click and the door opened

You rushed to greet your boyfriend only to see him covered in blood now using a cloth to wipe his face, his eyes still dangerous and wild. When his blue eyes landed on you a chill went down your spine before he reached out and gripped your wrist

"it's your damn fault y'know? Its cause people think your so fucking attractive. I'm all dirty cause of you, damn pig."

As hikaru now squeezed your wrist panic set in as you tried to pry him off of you and maybe calm him down before he get any more angrier

"b-babe I didn't know this would happen and plus, you know I love only you"

Your stumbling and stuttering only seemed to make him more pissed as he now yanked you to the bed before pushing you down now throwing his coat off and eyeing you with utter disgust

"then fucking prove it, prove that my piggy only loves me and maybe I won't be so mean anymore kay?"

Prince

Instantly gets into a fight

Just no questions asked gets into a fight

You two were just walking around the park with his dog, queen

Prince let you alone for a single minute just to grab some food

Did not take long for some Chad to get to chatting with you

Queen was not happy

And when prince came back he was not happy either

So he got into a fight

You scolded him while you were patching him up

"prince.."

"yeah my beautiful and amazing love who I adore everyday?"

You shot the male a glare as he lit a cigarette before taking a smoke, he clearly did not like upsetting you and was definitely stressed

"as much as I love your protectiveness, getting into fights isn't a good thing"

"I can't let someone steal ya away from me baby, just won't allow it"

You shake your head as you put the last band-aid on before feeling something crawl into your lap, you stare at the Pitbull who laid her head in your lap

"-and you! You were supposed to protect her queen! At least bite the son of a bitch or something!"

You couldn't help but laugh at the male's antics, you didnt really see much of the fight since prince told you to wait in the car but you figured the guy was fine

Prince on the other hand simply smiled as he though about how he took care of the situation, queen was such a good dog though he hoped that eating that bastard wouldn't make her sick.

Yuki

Also gets into a fight

You both were at a cat cafe enjoying your time

Yuki fell asleep..no surprise there

You knew he was tired so you let him nap while you played with the cats and ate more yummy snacks

Yuki did say you can order as much as you want and anything you want..

When a worker came to the table and saw yuki sleeping he decided to shoot his shot

Did not take long for your green haired boyfriend to wake up after hearing awkward laughing coming from you

One violent fight later and you two were home while you patched yuki up

He only responds in pouty grumbles and grunts cause you scolded him

Gives you the cold shoulder

But he can't stay mad at you

"yuki, stop being a baby"

"...."

"yuki, look at me"

With still no response you groaned lowly now sliding into the male's lap and seeing him tense up lightly but he simply turned his head away from you with a scowl as he tried not to give in, he was angry that you weren't taking his side on this

Someone tried to steal you away and he protected you! Yet you scold him and tell him not to do it again?! He doesn't get it at all

"yuki narukami you look at me!"

He jolted at the use of his full name and he looked at you with a shocked expression before you squished his face together causing him to get even more confused

"you were going to kill him if you kept punching him, that's why i was mad. Thank you for protecting me though I love you and it's sweet"

Yuki paused before simply wrapping his arms around you giving a low grunt now nuzzling his face in your neck as a dark Expression pooled his eyes.

So, protecting you is fine but he has to make sure he can't kill infront of you? Good to know. As yuki held you in his arms he couldn't help but smile

You were so interesting to him.

.

Axis

It's always the baby types you have to watch out for

You both were at a new amusement park that opened up a few weeks ago

You two were having fun

But after two big drinks axis had to pee while you both were waiting in line for a ride

He told you to hold the spot

You were of course worried your blind boyfriend is going to find a boyfriend on a crowded area but he reassured you that he will be fine

You let him go and It didn't take long for someone to come up to you and try flirt

When axis came back

He tried to play tough guy

But being 5'4" has its downfalls..

Axis was getting tunnel vision, they were laughing at him..he claimed to be your boyfriend and they called him a kid, how can he protect you if he can't even protect himself..how?!

"leave him alone! He's my boyfriend so just go away!"

You had to step in, it was embarrassing. Axis felt you grip his hand tightly now feeling nothing but anger and jealously bubble within him even as the situation diffused he thought about it

Did..you take him seriously?

"[y/n], am I hot?"

The question made you jolt and you looked at him with a choked laugh. You laugh only made him more upset but he tried to remain calm

"am I hot? Yknow like sexy and everything like that?"

"ax, you're adorable! So cute! I mean you were pouting when those jerks were talking to me and it was just so cute!"

Cute...? Cute..?!

He snapped and hugged you close, his face mask had a zipper and you never did know what the purpose of that was but next thing you knew you felt a sharp pain on your neck along with something trickling down your shoulder

You winced in pain now trying to pull the male off but with no progress, when he did pull back he had blood all around his mouth

"treat me more seriously, you're mine. I won't let anyone else take you, come on let's go home..I'm not done marking you up"

A sense of fear hit you and you never felt this before, axis has always been your adorable boyfriend but this..was new.

Axis Definitely show you just how much he owned you when you two got home and it was something you definitely never forgot.

[ahundredtimesover]

Okay AAAAAHHHHHHHH

I just caught up and finshed it and I'm so emotional.

Omg.

Like I'm sitting here and still crying.

I just ! I already spoke alot abt the story and I just wanna say something haha

Thank you.

Thank you so so much for writing this story, I've been having some really not so good times recently and this truly became my comfort fic and I havent had one in so so long !

It is just so beautifully written, and while yes you can appreciate that it is so so well written and presented it also reminds of alot of things.

That speaking about your emotion it's not bad, you have to be able to learn to trust yourself and to be your own best friend. we all have this amazing ability to give out so much love and we need to be able to use it to love ourselves and the people closest to our hearts the most you know.

I really really just love and adore each and every single character! I cried ! Every single chapter! Your way with words 👌👌👌

It's - you know what it is ?

Its the whispers of a love never forgotten.

That's what kept making me cry bc they were lovers before and they continued to love but it was different you know?

So different but so familiar too. The love that they share.

Wow.

Just so amazing.

Like yes I'm going to talk about this forever but jk came back for her

He loved her. He felt incomplete without her.

That is freaking beautiful.

It's so sad that he went so long thinking that you know she didnt want him, when she did. On the other side of the world, she was holding into this little bundle of love reserved for him.

Love shouldn't hurt you know ? And it did for them for a while, but bc of how bright and like MAN I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

The fact that they accept the hurt and the pain and thw wrongs of the past and are taking in together as a pair as a couple as lovers. That is what is so beautiful. That is what makes them endgame.

I think I'm actually gonna stfu bc I make no sense but YOUUUUU

Are amazing !

So good !

So talented!

I hope that you always find a reason to be happy everyday and make sure to eat well and stay hydrated 🤍💕🤍💕🤍💕🤍

Hi!! You are so wonderful, truly. I read your feedback about each chapter and I’m truly appreciative of you noting every single thing you liked. I live for details so when you note the ones you enjoyed, it always makes my heart full. So thank you 😊

I’m also glad you consider this your comfort fic. I read to relieve stress and to feel better; I write for the same reasons so to know that this story gave you joy, especially during the times when it was hard for you, that’s wonderful and I’m glad I got to give you a virtual hug through the story and this little family. And you’re right, emotions are beautiful and we have to trust ourselves. I’m a highly emotional individual and it took a while for me to learn that it’s a strength, too, regardless of how I choose to express it. And our capacity to love makes us human. It’s beautiful and such a source of light. I’m so happy you picked those up.

I’ll never tire of the kind words you speak about me and my writing and the stories I put out. I’ll always be grateful. Thank you for the love towards something I put a lot of myself in. Please stay safe and take care of yourself always. Sending you all the love 🥰🥰

[luvdsc]

Hi sweatpea! I've been admiring you for a while and wanted to chuck you a message but your inbox is closed. I really enjoy reading your works and constantly finding myself reading them after a long, stressful day. Idk how you do it, but I genuinely look up to you. I just wanted to also ask for some advice. After reading your asks and what not, I'm in a similar situation. Even though I am younger, nearly 21 I work a full time job at a hospital. I worked all throughout covid and damn I'm still exhausted. Where I'm located, my state has been covid free since Jan/Feb. Though everyday I am still working. I feel like I have no energy or emotions left in me. I work and go home cook, clean and repeat. I barely sleep bc of insomnia and I repeat the next day. I feel as if my social life is non existent and I feel like I'm going into a slump bc the smallest things will tick me off or I become upset really quickly. I'm sorry to like dump this on you, I just wanted some advice on how to manage life and I did wanna DM and just check in on you every so often but it's okay! I hope you are resting enough ❣️

Just bc I forget to add on to make more sense , wow I'm an idiot, like literally. I live out as home as well and I don't study. I work full time to help get me by but I live paycheck to paycheck. My friends don't get it either?? They all have everything handed down to them whereas I am completely different you know? It's just frustrating and upsetting and ofc I wanna study too, bit I have a medical condition that affecting me rn to do that and my friends kind of like, look down on me??

✿ ✿ ✿

hi, lovebug! 💕 sakdfahkj wait i think my inbox is open since you sent me an ask? 😅 i toggled with the allow/close ask option a few times just to be sure. thank you so much for reading my fics and enjoying them, honey bee 💜 i am gonna be honest with you - i’m practically a workaholic and my social life has really deteriorated because of it 🤧 so i don’t think i’m the best at managing life 😅 my daily life is pretty much the same - i wake up, work, eat dinner, work some more, watch an hour of tv or do some art, exercise, go to sleep, repeat. the last time i facetimed my friends was for one of their bdays at the beginning of feb and when i facetimed steph and ti a few weeks ago. i really only manage to keep up with texting with 7-8 of my friends daily, and everyone else is pushed to the backburner until the weekend, or if i’m too tired, i respond to them the following weekend. however, i communicated this with my friends before - that i’m not purposely ignoring them, but i’m really busy with work and i need to put my mental health first, which means any little free time i get will be used to relax and destress. so they understand, and they’re fine with me responding later than usual. so at this point, i think what’s best for you is to try to carve out maybe an hour of your day for just yourself and focus on your mental health. do something you enjoy, exercise, watch a tv show, etc. i find that having that one hour for myself makes me feel much better after an exhausting day of work 💕  i think adding in little things throughout my day also help, too, like when i take a break, i go and sit outside for a bit or i eat my favorite snack. so it’s kind of like having little pick me ups throughout the day, which keeps me going 💞

also, you are absolutely not an idiot, honey bee. there’s nothing wrong with living at home, and you’re saving money that way, so that’s smart! studying does not equal intelligence. some people are lucky and have been given more life opportunities than others based on their social / economic status, which lets them have that option to study in school. that doesn’t mean you’re not smart. you’re working full time and providing for yourself, which is absolutely incredible, and i’m positive that so many other 20 year olds would not be able to say the same or do what you’re doing. i do not know what it’s like to live paycheck by paycheck, but i’m sorry that you have to go through with that ): i imagine that it’s very stressful... also, your friends don’t really sound like your friends if they treat you like this and make you feel that way. if you’ve communicated with them how you feel and they still act like this, i think you should drop them. they’re only adding negativity and stress to your life. i’m sorry to hear that you’re going through so much, and i can only hope that your situation gets better in the future, sweetpea 💗

[koumeowkami]

Helloo hii

How's life ? Did you read anything new ? Have any good beverages recently?(what's your fav one btw)

Btw do you listen to music while doing art (both drawing and writing)? What kind ?

Also guess what? I posted that AU's first chapter !!! It featured smoker Kanata just like you and crumble asked

Hope life's good and that you read lots of fun things and have many many good beverages <3

HI LIRA !!

life has been chaotic lately,, i've been revising everyday for my japanese exam and tbh idk if should tell the professor i don't wanna do it anymore cause i don't think it will go well haha. i am incredibly tired and i can't wait to have a break from all of this constant stress.

i didn't read anything new :( i should start finding some good fanfics once i have some free time 🤔

oh i've been drinking iced tea everyday to keep myself awake while i study 😭😭 i love iced tea so much. i like normal tea as well but in winter i usually prefer cappuccino <3 (fun fact: one time i drank cappuccino on the beach. yeah it was august. no i didn't care about cappuccino being hot)

i always listen to music when i draw!! it helps me get the vibes i need to represent a certain character. i don't have a specific genre, i just listen to the usual stuff (mainly rock, jrock, a bit of kpop as well). i don't listen to music when i write tho, that's a no no. for some reason i can't focus on what i'm writing if i listen to music... i literally do not make sense i know pls don't ask lmao

YOU DID?????? OH MY GOD WAIT I'M GONNA CHECK IT OUT RN

[the-firebird69]

You're all done Donald Trump everybody's going after you in every way they can they notice you're this incessant retarded boy near this madman across the water and you're this boy leave on you're practically everybody that he sings about and says you're bad the reason is you suck so bad that you have to stop you you're the Yankees everyone did the Yankee foust and you sell out to practically everyone and you ruin your plan and yourself every time and you don't care cuz you're stupid we care about our son and daughter we want you out and your kid is a piece of s*** we voted today to get you out and using any means necessary on you and your a****** clan and we're decimating your villages we're decimating your pods we're ruining your cloning everywhere we're taking your ships down we're destroying your ships below and killing everybody there and we don't want you crawling all over the Earth anywhere threatening everybody with everything you can and your sister already leave these companies and all the stuff and you're running around harassing people in stores we're setting up all sorts of huge groups near stores to kill you off Trace you down and get rid of you you're a f****** pile of s*** and actually it's is more than one reason but right now it's because you're a treasonous piece of s*** I'm going to hunt you down like a dog and everybody's starting to go after you cuz I can see what you're doing just weird maniacal loser Charles Manson we all want you dead now and you can't get it ever so you going to be gone

Thor Freya

You're nuts okay I'm going to run my whole life getting rid of people like you you can't figure it out you don't want to Garth this kill you off too wholesale by hand. Them lokimac my hand okay you come up to us and bother us and you die not sure why you're so f****** stupid but you're going to be dead everyday and that's how I get protection by killing you your own kind are killing you all the time and you're looking over there for support cuz you're a f****** loser now you're looking here for support and I just told you I'm killing you being a killer is not a big deal no it is it's just that you're stupid and you're a kid and you're mean and demented and you don't have any way of negotiating with anyone and you don't do things to make sense you turned on Billy z completely and your Rooney is playing and you're ruining your own it's some kind of massive psychotic sleaze ball hero who thinks that you're going to fool people by being a massive a****** I got to tell you something you haven't died enough today and you need to die again and I'm putting the order out

Zues

Did you figure it out use your mouth and you end up dead trying to remillard and you're an escape prisoner you need to go back to jail

Hera

Where after you Trump you're a f****** pig you keep digging around with us messing around with us I tell you to shut your f****** face and you won't I'm going to clear you out of New Zealand so you just keep going there and relieve the stress off everyone is so freaking terrible

Clones

It's a good idea I'm going to put my hat in the ring and we're going to get rid of them there

Mac

Us too tired of this s*** is a huge freaking loser and a big mouth and a maniac and all sorts of crap it doesn't do anything that makes any sense you're going to erase them out there and they're going to keep going out there faster and get it get the hell out of

Our hair

Thor Freya

[caspersjournal]

The Breakdown of It All

So basically, my partner has quite a past. But so does everyone. The only issue is, my partner, or should I say my husband, seems to allow this past to arise back into our lives. We have been together 10 years, married for almost 3 months and honestly, I love him more than anything in this world and I know he loves me too, in some way. He takes good care of me when we are together and is always looking out for me if I need it. I'm not even sure I know how to explain this all properly, but he has a cheating history of exchanging messages, photos/videos, calls etc with some others and has also physical cheated sexually in the past. The majority of these are with people he has a past with (the past being before us). There have been so many incidents over the years, that I feel has completely fucked me up. I always chose to forgive but never forgot.

I know, it's a toxic kind of situation. We did separate in the new year of 2017 after I found out that he had physically cheated on me whilst back on his home island for his father's birthday, and the separation lasted for almost 3 full years, but we somehow found our way back. He wasn't constantly trying to find hook ups or chats with other guys anymore and he seemed a lot more content whenever we spent time together and so I felt this was a good sign. When I asked what the hell was going on with us, we mutually felt that it was a great time to try again. Now I understand that he had some personal issues within his childhood but surely these issues cannot be the reason he keeps bringing this shit back up into our relationship/lives. I don't want all of it to be a cause for us severing ties between us in any point of the future.

Due to all of this past, I have found it difficult to keep any kind of positive mind set. Since we rekindled just before Christmas 2019, there hasn't been any finds of physical cheating or anything too serious, but I won't say that we have been going strong without any issue because that would be a lie. I find it so difficult to deal with because the love I have for him is so bloody strong. There's no doubt that we have a connection, and we are DEFINATELY meant to be but fuck! My head is constantly in a spin. Thoughts running me into overdrive. Constantly wondering, panicking. Overthinking? Not knowing I can even feel trust anymore. All the times he's been up to no good, i've always trusted my gut. I've had that literal gut feeling. My stomach turns. I was always able to pick up on his actions if they seemed unusual, if something he did or said seemed out of the ordinary. Never once do I ever remember being wrong. Of course I had to do my research and always found the facts to back it up. I could just tell when he was being suss that he was up to something. Although, I heard a phrase today which I feel makes so much sense, and so I will quote it.

"No one knows someone better than the person they live with"

This is ABSOLUTELY spot on!

More so, I am exhausted and tired of battling the struggles in my head and my heart everyday. I have no one to talk to about all of this. My husband is genuinely a lovely guy. He will always help others whenever he feels he can and he is somewhat caring and sweet too. I never want others to hate on him or think bad of him, so therefore I keep everything to myself and attempt daily to battle the struggles I am faced with. I'm not posting here to look for sympathy. That is NOT my intention at all, I promise that. It is merely to release my worries, stresses, any anger I feel building up, which in all honesty, can sometimes be A LOT of all of those. I need to do this for the sake of my own mental health before I spin out of control.

So basically, to short list my issues, I constantly feel insecure, like i'm never going to be enough for him. Even though he's not been acting out of line for a while now. I feel like my trust is all out of wack. I don't allow it to rule my days, but it will be every now and then, thoughts will pop into my head like "Is he with someone else at the house whilst i'm at work?" or "He's working out and about today, or is he with someone else doing fuck knows what?" and i'm having to brush these thoughts over just to get through work to get through my day.

Every day is a damn struggle and worry. Am I being stupid and an absolute moron for this? Or for even feeling that just maybe I cannot fully trust him alone? I feel I sound stupid and crazy for this, but after so many incidents and stunts he's pulled off, and tried to pull off over the last 9 years is madness.

Another quote I heard last week which I will also quote.

"When someone you love deceives you, you're will always find yourself willing, or even thinking about forgiveness. But a time will come when that someone deceives you too many times, and eventually that love and forgiveness will turn into hate and resentment"

I, for one, seriously hope this never becomes onto us! 🖤

[seafoamchild]

this semester has been so overwhelming so far. i had to take this digital marketing class which thank GOD is over now but it was just "content creation! brands! cost per click! buyer's journey! path to purchase!" like I could notttt be less interested in that type of shit and the class took up so much time because it was a condensed course. so that was annoying but now it's over. but i still have my javascript class which is really hard and all this other busywork and my internship and my serving job which takes up so much of my energy, plus just my everyday life stuff like trying to take care of myself and exercise and be social and cook healthy food. it's a lot. and i feel like i'm drowning a little bit because i don't have the time or energy to do anything particularly well right now. like i've been slacking at my internship so hard and i feel guilty and bad about it but i just can't muster the energy. and i've been turning in assignments late all the time and i have not been doing my best at all. i just feel stretched in too many different directions and i'm exhausted and i can't sleep. i worked two doubles at the restaurant in a row with barely any sleep in between and i'm tired.

i talked to luke on the phone this morning and i could tell he'd been off with me the past few days but i didn't know why. and of course i was freaking out about how i must have done or said something wrong but i'm also trying to resist the default conclusion i always come to, which is that everything is my fault. i'm trying to stand up for myself more. but yeah, he told me he had been kind of annoyed with me for complaining so much about school and that i should be grateful to have the opportunities that i do. i was like WTF dude. i'm allowed to be fucking stressed out. i felt like he was attacking me and invalidating my feelings. i'm like, i have a lot on my plate right now and i'm frustrated with trying to find a balance and not being able to do my best work at anything without sacrificing something else. like i'm not proud of any of the things i'm turning in and i feel like i'm not actually learning anything because i'm just trying to get it done on time and i'm not enjoying school at all the way i have the past three semesters. he pointed out like "well you have tuesdays thursdays and fridays off work" and i was like Why are you telling me how i should manage my time as if it's realistic to devote every waking hour i have off work to doing MORE work for school? Like it felt like he was suggesting I'm still not doing enough.

well he listened to what i said and agreed that he'd gotten it twisted and hadn't understood my point of view before. like he thought i was just being like "waaahhhh i hate homework my life sucks" when there was actually a lot more to it than that. and like yeah i KNOW my problems are insignificant compared to other peoples, but i hate when people bring that up, as if i'm not aware. like yeah i fucking know i'm not homeless or living in a war zone or dealing with whatever other issues. it doesn't mean i'm never allowed to feel frustrated with my own reality. i feel grateful for my life and i try to take a step back and appreciate what i have at least once a day, but it's unrealistic to have my thoughts be 24/7 like "i'm going to resist feeling upset about anything because other people have it way worse!" Like my experiences and emotions are valid too, and it's only human to have a narrow perspective sometimes. i can't be thinking about the grand scheme of everything all the fuckin time.

anyway i feel like i got my point across because he did acknowledge what i told him and said it made a lot more sense to him now. he assured me my feelings are valid. and thinking back i guess i didn't articulate my feelings super well before, so i do have to acknowledge that. but it felt good to lay it all out on the table to get some clarity. i also told him that i really need more reassurance from him, like i need him to communicate better when he's in a weird mood and ruminating on shit. like i completely understand that some people need a couple days to straighten out their thoughts, myself included. but i need to know he's not mad at me, or maybe he is mad at me and in that case i need to know why. otherwise my anxiety spirals and i come up with all these crazy scenarios about what i could have done wrong. so i told him that and he promised to do better, but then he told me i had to say i was going to do better too. which felt good i guess, that we're both equal in this relationship and we need to be held to the same standards. i know that one of sam's biggest criticisms of me was that i could be hypocritical, which i think is true. no one likes to acknowledge their shortcomings. i think i have been doing a lot better with accepting criticism though and i try to be aware of when i'm being a hypocrite. i've gotten better at apologizing.

but yeah we talked for two hours and i appreciate that we were able to have an honest discussion. i feel like he's able to take his emotions out of the equation and focus on the facts, which is something i find SO hard to do. like he's able to admit he's wrong and change his mind, which i also find so hard to do lol. it's refreshing but scary, like it's nice to have someone push me to talk about my behavior and feelings and stuff and really get me to self analyze, otherwise i just don't know if i'd be able to bring it up on my own because i'm scared. but he's set a precedent where he has called me out on my shit, and now i feel like i can call him out on his shit too and actually ask for what i want and he will listen. just like when he calls me out and i think it's unjustified, i can explain myself and he will actually listen. so i owe him the same.

another thing came up, which came up with sam too and just makes me feel so weird, was that i told luke i don't have any student debt and obviously am forever grateful for it. and he said that was part of the reason he'd been kinda weird towards me the past few days, because he felt jealous and he acknowledged that he had no right to take that out on me. it's like, i just don't know what i'm supposed to do man. like it's really through no control of my own that i ended up in a life where my parents were able to pay for my college. i'm grateful for it but i feel like people resent me and it makes me feel... guilty? embarrassed? like it's yet another situation where i feel like people don't think i have the right to be upset about anything ever because "you got your college paid for, your life is so easy!" like it's just... YES, i understand. but i don't know what i'm supposed to do in order to demonstrate to you how fucking grateful i am? i just don't know. i try to be generous to people as much as i can.

he told me one thing he likes about me is that i have a natural ability to fit in with other cultures and learn other languages, and he appreciates that it's genuine and not a superficial "woke" thing where i pretend i'm the authority on social issues and shit in other countries. so that was nice to hear. i do like that he is a deep thinker and likes me for who i am at my core, but i also like to be reassured that i'm funny or pretty or whatever. that stuff feels nice too. so i guess i'll bring that up next time.

[woozi]

henlo yza <3 ,

hdjdkd i don't really have much knowledge abt different techniques & kind of dances so when the steps match the lyrics i'm like '!!! wow yes i love it' fhdjdjskks also bc i've grown up watching these kind of dances only so my that's what i tend to notice first hdjdjddk it is also one of the reason why i decided to stan svt dwc, oh my, thanks & our dawn is hotter than day's choreo details really impressed me.

maybe vincenzo is your svt club & ur so valid for that <3 hddjdjekek also pls don't say sorry!! you can talk abt it as much as you want i like knowing what you think. i'll let you know how was it for me when i complete it. & no homecha hasn't ended yet (idk if there are 16 or 14 eps i haven't checked) it does come on weekends, counting this sunday's ep, we're at 12th rn.

i get that fjdjdkkd i used to be the same 😭 always waiting for dramas to end so i can binge watch because not knowing what happens next would kill me. but idk when this happened, my will to watch anything died down bc the eps are just there, available for me to watch anytime. im like 'i'll watch it next time' but next time never comes 💀. this year i've watched no-air ones only hdjssj very surprising for me ( also my wack memory & svt content supports me by forgetting abt it after weekend ends dhdjdkkd) anyway i'm very excited to see how you like homecha!

CHURCH BOY JOSH HDHDJDDKKSLSDJ church boy josh, cringe domestic boy, joshua numbers. we've come up with so many nicknames for him in few asks only 😭😭 dbdjksksk deserve actually. BUT SO TRUE I STILL HAVE NO WORDS FOR HIM. THAT WAS- JUST- WOW OKAY WE SEE YOU 😭😭and dino lip piercing and hoshi eyebrow slit..... so sexy of them. cb concept pictures haven't come out yet & they're already shinning!! love to see that. also now we have gyu and hoshi's wedding reception pictures & cottagecore hannie (with that collarbone picture right in middle >:( wth mister but also hbd ig <3) being added in the equation.

IM CRYINGGGGGG THEY LOOK SO CUTE THEY ARE SO CUTE NOO 😭😭💔 HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THESE COVERS WTH (being the ex-directioner and all dhdjkdsksk). I SMILED SO WIDE WATCHING THEM <///3 it's been so long since i heard one thing wow lol. but! this means they know who zayn is. thank you for this jdjssk this is going to keep me happy for some time hdjdke. SUNDAY MORNING EHJEJEKE 😭 thank you <3 dndjdj

IKR???? IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CB I'M ALSO EXCITED TO EXPERIENCE IT WITH YOU. agreee truly bless svt for helping keeping us from losing it over life (by making us lose it over them) tbh sometimes it worries me too with the way contents keep dropping but just now in these unit interviews being released, perf unit shared how they have ppl who encourage them to be okay with their tiredness. things like that put me at ease. hope they rest well from time to time too. honestly just looking at their tour schedules i used to get tired because these dudes used to have more shows and less day offs and some of them being used to just move from one city to another. i hope in coming years pledis changes that lol.

sameee for the poster release hdjdkeek. also even though there was scheduler, i forgot abt the concept trailer 😭 it was raining & bcoz of that power was out as well & i don't use data dhdjdkdk. i think 5 minutes after 12 kst power came back (you can say joshu's sparkler brought it back hdjdjdks) it literally left me speechless. yk that meme ' everyone remembers what they were doing & where they were when it happened ' that's me & you with this cb hfjdkd honestly that's everyone with this cb me thinks.

seventeenies bringing the grass to you w their posts djdjkd ( btw you can always tell me if silly little jokes get out of hand i wouldn't ever like to make you uncomfy) but seriously i hope uni doesn't give you hard time. don't worry much just keep moving forward, at some point whatever is making you feel stuck will move away eventually.

is it that obvious? 😭😭😭😭 no i don't like rain at all dhjddk (i actually didn't dislike it as much during teens) mostly because road drainage system sucks here & we live in lower area so even moderate rain causes water logging. i'd give you some rain but this one's bad so i won't </3 ( as if i could if it were the good one 💀) stay hydrated!!! drink two sips of water everytime you hear dino laugh, i hope it cools a little soon.

that's what being on tumblr since 2012 does to you 😭 ALSO UR SO FUNNY PLS, SO ARE THE MEMES YOU USE FOR ASKS DJDJDKD. *hands you bunny headband dino* it's dangerous outside take this, you too stay safe out there 😭😭😭😭 love you too <3 and thank YOU for hanging out w me hehe :3, also dw tbh these asks have become one of the highlights for me now & i'm only using my free time excluding resting time, i hope you are too, no pressure at all! dw about being late - 🪂

ps - did i tell you i actually followed your svt blog around the time everyone was guessing your biases hddjkddj i sent mingyu & jeonghan dhdjdj that was my first ask :3 - 🪂

henlo, 🪂!! <3 <3 <3

honestly it doesnt matter to me tbh <3 if people enjoy the dance its all that matters!! and omg i can see that!! i love the svteenies always bring something fresh to the table

omg that means you're near the end 😭😭😭 i keep seeing gifs of it on my dash and it makes me feel a lil lovesick ngl HJFHJFHD why is it so TENDER????????????????

ok but that's so valid too bc that's me rn with in the soop.... i literally have not watched the 6th ep yet 😭 and i'm getting the feeling youre mentioning w swf now because i literally always look forward to tuesdays just for the next ep HJDHJDS also i am dumb what are no-airs HJDHJDHHD and ur not alone tbh <3 i have also been super forgetful lately and that is not like me fdhjdfjhdfhjdfhj we're rotting in this hellsite ig

love bullying him i just wanna know how he'd react if he gets upset <3 i dont think we've ever seen angry josh and i wanna make him angry sm HSDHJSDJ im glossing over dino lip piercing to directly go over hOSHI EYEBROW SLIT BC HELLO??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ive never really liked eyebrow slits but he makes them look so- i want him to hurt me HJDSHJDHJDS ALSO THE LATEST SET OF PHOTOS OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD they're giving me what i've been asking for i love being here sm <3 soonyoung's so chummy w everyone have u seen his photos w jihoon last night 😭 he's literally tamed the actual tiger icb this. and no oh my god i do not Know what Collarbone Jeonghan is i have erased him from my memories thank u

HDSHDSJDSHJDS the ex-directioner is so funny to me 😭 i think we have all been there one way or another <3 and ofc omg <3 i'm glad my core svt memories make u happy HSDJHJDFHJHJDSF

they literally said escapism hELP ME 😭😭😭😭😭 i think they're also just workaholics in general. i would be too if i actually enjoyed what i did for a living 😭 and are we even gonna get tours in the near future.... this is so sad i havent even seen them irl </3

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG that's terrible, i hope u guys were okay though :/ AND NOT THE JOSH SPARKLER FDDHJFHDFHJFDHFDH now i have to think about him oh my god i think i passed out a little when eyebrow piercing josh came on screen and just full on blacked out when the match scene came on tbh 😭 JKSDJKDSKDS ITS LIKE THE PANDEMIC!!!!!!! WE WILL RMB!!!!!!!!!

ALSOO NOOO OMG i dont feel uncomf at all and u should also tell me if i do make u feel so <3 thank u for even mentioning that!! also love that they're Doing It All for us we dont even have to go out to touch grass anymore HJDSHJSDJ i've actually been v happy w uni omg!! just that i often feel stressed bc they give us sm things to do </3 thank u for ur kind words!!

that's the price of being an adult JDJSJKD now we gotta think of things like.. idk the effects of rain 😭😭😭 i used to even love it when it flooded as a kid HJDSHJSDHJ now i get anxious too!! i love all kinds of rain though so i wont mind JKKSDKJSDKJD just that other people might be affected </3 wish i had my own rain cloud on some kind of leash lmao. ALSO IF I DRINK WATER EVERY TIME I HEAR DINO LAUGH FDHFDHJDFHD gonna be bloated but hydrated af ngl

oh my gOD YOU WERE HERE SINCE 2012???? we're literally sick bestie <3 i genuinely think tumblr has changed something fundamental in me and my way of thinking has not been The Same as idk.. regular people ig JDSHJSDHJSD THE OFFLINE PEOPLE!! smth about tumblr is so <3 sick but also i love this hellsite so 😗 AND NOOO NOT THE MEMES FDHDFHJDF its my broken sense of humor and inability to convey emotions properly HHSDHJDSHJ

BUNNY HEADBAND DINO?????????????????????????????????????? honestly he'd bring me more harm than protection i'll say that much 😭

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 that genuinely made me feel so warm & fuzzy, i always look forward to your messages too <3 <3 <3 i hope u always have good days u deserve it for being such a sweetheart

WAIT HELLO???????????????????????? YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG THEN 😭😭😭😭😭 and im so impressed you didnt get weeded out ngl HFDHJFDHJFD icb you've been witnessing me going more ill everyday <3 ur a soldier

and u are partially correct abt mingyu & jh <3 at least during the time JSDJDSJKSDJK i think i've been desensitized to mingyu now but i still love him sm <3 he's just so cute and cutesy boys kinda infuriate me in an affectionate way so HJSDHJDSHJDSH

[wingletblackbird]

you know... this seems an awful lot like a constant battle you're fighting uphill. I don't have people with diabetes in my environment, and I cannot imagine how difficult it can be every single day... damn. So.. I absolutely respect what you do every day. I'm speechless. I read these pro-con posts and your experiences, and I'm more and more frustrated that there isn't more media coverage, or more awareness raised about these symptoms, and how to help the diabetic community. It's eye-opening

It is a constant battle for sure. You have to deal with it 24/7, and there’s no respite, or vacation. Even if you have your diabetes pretty much in control, you can never stop and take a break, or it’ll get out of control again. My diabetes is pretty much under control at the moment, and to put that into perspective that means I am low 2-3 times a week, and slightly high maybe 1-3 times a week. That’s the best it’s been in a few weeks. That sense of being in control will last about 2 weeks, I dare say, (if I’m lucky), before something will happen to throw it off. Then, it’ll take a couple days to find the right patterns again, if not longer, and it could be anything that caused the fluctuations: An infection, a virus you killed quickly before you really felt it, but still made your sugar levels funny; you could be stressed which raises your blood sugar; you could be tired which raises your blood sugar; you could have walked for ten minutes too long, and that lowered your  blood sugar. etc. It’s something you have to constantly watch to make sure you catch everything, and everything you do is relevant to keeping it in line. Even then, sometimes there’s no explanation at all. Then, if you do it all reasonably well, you can hope to have decades before the serious complications set in: (Kidney failure, blindness, nerve damage, etc.) 

So, yes, it is difficult, and it is scary. Having said that, you do get used to it. I don’t think about complications, and how taxing it is on a daily basis; I would be downright depressed if I did. I’ve just learned to live with it. The fears are always there, but they’re just something you get so used to it doesn’t really register. You can get used to anything, as they say. However, there do come those bad days when you don’t know why your body is rebelling, and you panic, and feel miserable, because nothing’s going right, and you realise again just how close you are to dying painfully if you’re not careful. Unsurprisingly, there is a high correlation of depression, suicide, and anxiety attacks amongst diabetics. It can be quite stressful.

This is why I get frustrated by the lack of media coverage that you pointed out. It is an issue. Just seeing someone in the media, in a movie, on TV, a character who has diabetes that is represented well mind you, can be a big source of inspiration. It’s someone we can relate to. Someone to make us feel less alone, and someone who can inspire us to keep going. Fiction influences life, and vice versa. Having a diabetic character would help those who have diabetes keep their courage,  and would help those who don’t understand what it’s like know how to help. Moreover, it could help them the day they get their diagnosis, and some of them will. It won’t be such an “out there” concept. They’ll have some idea of what to expect. It could probably also prevent needless deaths that come from people who don’t recognise the symptoms. To some, DKA looks like the flu!

This is doubly important because diabetes is becoming an epidemic. More and more people are becoming diabetic everyday, T2D being especially common. People need to be aware of the symptoms. People need to know what to do. People need to know the difference between T1D, and T2D. The former is not preventable, but the latter can be. T2D is linked to obesity, and weight loss can help prevent it. However, in many cases it is also just plain genetic; you can get it without being overweight. Sometimes, it’s as unpreventable as T1D, but either way being careful about your diet, and your exercise may buy you decades of time before you get it. People need to understand all of this. Diabetes is the 7th most common cause of death in the USA, and the 6th most common in in Canada. Nor is it a condition limited to North America, it is a global phenomenon with million and millions of victims. In spite of this, most people don’t know that T1D isn’t preventable, that there is a difference between T1D and T2D, that there are even two different types of diabetes,in other words, the basics.There are something like 7.2 million undiagnosed T2Ds in the USA alone who probably don’t even know what their symptoms can lead to until it’s far to late, and there are many more pre-diabetics who don’t understand that they’re at risk. It’s imperative that people understand what they can and cannot do to help others and themselves. It’s imperative that people know the warning signs.  I’m so glad you find this eye-opening, because that is exactly what I was hoping for. Too many people die every year, because of ignorance. We seriously need more coverage of this issue. Diabetes causes more deaths than breast cancer and AIDS combined.

I’m not entirely certain why there isn’t more media coverage about diabetes, but I have two guesses. The first is that until the discovery of insulin in the ‘20s, diabetes was a terminal illness. When insulin was finally made available, it was like this miracle drugs, and everyone thought it made everything better, and didn’t stop to consider how hard diabetes as a chronic illness might be. The truth is, insulin doesn’t make you better; it isn’t a cure-all. It just enables you to survive another day. However, this idea that now you’ve got insulin you’re fine, just don’t eat sugar has prevailed, and has never really left. Secondly, the rise of T2D diabetes has been correlated to the Western diet with emphasis on the fast and processed foods in particular, and I doubt the all-mighty corporations want that kind of publicity, so it stays more silent then it should. It’s just a theory, but that’s what I believe. Either way, or whatever the reason is, it’s a major issue, and I’m so glad to hear that my posts have been doing at least their small, tiny part to fill that gap, and thanks, as always, for the support. 😊.

[niktizzy]

I miss Myspace, so here

1. First thing you wash in the shower?

My hair

2. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?

Oh, well I would have to say coffee but I do drink a lot of beer and tequila. Both?

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Nope

4. Do you plan outfits?

If I have to, if it's for a special occasion then yes. If it's for work or just around town, hard no. Whatever I pick up first

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?

E X A U S T E D

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red?

My blanket or my couch

7. What would you do if you opened your door and saw a dead body?

Look at it for a second, turn around and yell, "alright, which one of you didn't clean up your mess?" to my roommates

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?

I can't remember my dreams

9. Three of your current feelings?

Tired, depressed, excited

10. What are you craving right now?

For someone to tell me I'm doing great. That I'm on the right path and everything will work out. Honestly, that's all I want

11. Turn ons?

Physical: Fade, muscles, tattoos, & scruff

Sexual: lip biting, ass grabbing, biting, choked, slapped, teased & being rough.

12. Turn offs?

Bad smile, terrible sense of humor, garbage taste of music, fuck boy life style, awfull kisser

13. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?

Trash

14. When was the last time you cried? Why?

Well as of late, it was from me over thinking and going into a depressed state

15. If you could be a superhero, who would you want to be?

Honestly, a girl version of deadpool even though he's not a super hero. I know but I guess I would say I guess black widow or storm

16. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize?

Lolzzz no mate

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

Lick it you fucking animal

18. Favorite movie ever?

Fight Club or SLC Punk

19. Do you like yourself?

Some days

20. Have you ever met a celebrity?

Yeah, I've met a few

21. Could you handle being in the military?

No

22. What are you listening to right now?

My spotify playlist that is mostly made of pop punk

23. How many countries have you visited?

Just the United States

24. Are your parents strict?

When I was younger, yes 100%. I use to get so frustrated too, but now, I understand. I love them and appreciate them

25. Would you go sky diving?

Why not?

26. Would you go out to eat with a stranger?

I have before so what's one more person

27. Whats on your mind right now?

A lot, but it's not worth bringing up

28. Is there anything you want to say to someone?

I hope you like watching me succeed and make you wish you never played with my emotions, shit head

29. Have you ever been in a castle?

White Castle

30. Do you rent movies often?

I use to, RIP Block Buster

31. Whats your zodiac sign?

Libra

32. When was the last time you had sex?

Last month

33. Name five facts about yourself.

I enjoy watching people getting tattos

I'm a ginger (I've always bleached my hair)

I use to train for MMA

I can't eat bread anymore without feeling like shit

Vodka makes me angry

34. Ever had a near death experience? If so, what happened?

I mean I work in a city so, I almost get killed every time I walk across the street

35. Do you believe in karma or predestiny?

Yeah, karma, she may not show herself right away but she'll catch up to you

36. Brown or white eggs?

Neither

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?

Old band shirts

38. Ever been on a train?

Honestly no

39. Ever been in love?

Love is for posers

40. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you do it?

Hell yes

41. If you could trade places with any person living or dead, who would you trade places with?

I'm good lol

42. If you could shorten your life expectancy by 10 years to becopme more attractive, would you do it?

Nah I'm good with being a potato

43. Whom do you admire and why?

My parents, they have to deal with me

44. What was your favorite bedtime story as a child?

I do not remember

45. You’re walking down the street, you come across a burning building. A woman says her baby is trapped inside, what would you do?

Nothing heroic, I would call the fire department

46. If you could choose the future profession of your son or daughter, would you?

I can't choose that, they have to find their own path. I just hope they don't have to go through all the rough times like I did to get there

47. What was your best experience on drugs or alcohol?

Honestly, I use to love smoking but it just fucked with my training and fitness so I stopped. I just never found a reason to go back. I would be so relaxed, less stress, love the world a little more. I don't have a novel of my drug usage because I honestly don't, but if I had to choose without any consequences, it would be smoking

48. What was your worst experience on drugs or alcohol?

I love drinking, but every time, especially as I get older, it just sucks waking up. But when I drink vodka in particular, I can be very sweet and flirty and if I see something I don't like or someone is pissing me off, it's like a switch, a bad switch and I plot your murder lol

50. As your walking down the street you find a suitcase full of money sitting next to a parked car, would you take it?

No man, issa trap

51. If you found that a close friend has AIDS, would you still hang out with them?

Yeah, they would more than likely need me more than ever. Why leave them?

52. In front of you are 10 pistols, 5 of which are loaded.

If you survive you’d receive 100 million dollars. Would you be willing to place 1 to your head and pull the trigger?

Half of me says yes and the other half says, "bitch are you crazy" so I kind of have to go with her lol

53. How old were you when you lost your virginity?

17 I think

54. Do you believe in ghosts, werewolves or vampires?

I believe there are things that roam this earth that are not human

55. If you could live forever, would you want to?

I would want to travel, watch the sunset everyday on a beach somewhere, and be less stressed

56. Which fictional movie character most resembles who you are?

Fuckkk, I would have to say Stevo from SLC Punk

57. If you could go back in time, which time period would you visit?

Maybe the 70's but more than likely the future

58. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it?

I mean, they kind of show that on CNN and such already sooo

59. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it?

Hell no

60. If you could choose the sex of your unborn child, would you want to?

I'm honestly terrified to have a kid but if I had to choose, a girl

61. Would you rather live longer or be wealthy?

It's a toss up mate, you either struggle and live forever or live about the amount of time you thought you would be alive and be wealthy.

[qwedfas]

Hi!! I just wanted to know if any of you know how to deal with depression? I haven't studied like at all this year, and it's terrible. It's just really hard to study and go to school and make yourself care when all you want to do is die (if that makes sense). People say 'do it for your future!!' but I don't even want a future, honestly I just want it all to end, so it's really not working for me. I don't know. Do you have any tips, because right now I'm just pulling through. :(

Hey sweetie,

I’m so sorry you’re undergoing depression - it’s such an awful and isolating, dark experience to go through - and if anything, you’ve been so brave - even if you don’t feel like it necessarily - for being able to - or at least trying to - manage your studies, as well as your health, so far throughout this year. For being able to go to school, to try and attempt to do work, and to manage your mental health at that same time - and especially, that dark, consuming feeling of hopelessness. It’s so tiring and exhausting and bloody unfair to have to go through it every day - to wake up to it, to have to go to school and learn; even though the future doesn’t even seem to exist anymore, and each tomorrow seems like a never-ending repeat of today. Please recognize yourself, for how much you’ve done - all of those things you mentioned is such a normal experience for students with depression - and it’s so good already that you’re still able to go to school every day. It’s already a winning point. When I had depression, I was told that by a few counsellors that so, so many people with depression can’t go to school every day at all - simply because they can’t handle it. So that fact that you’re already going to school is already a strength for you  - you’re doing so well, and it will end, I promise - if you do a little bit of work, just a little - like breathing, being kind to yourself - every day - I promise - it will come back. Those days of maybe being able to see a future again - to not feel so drained everyday - it’ll come.

And it’s so awful, being stuck in that dark, spiralling hole - in a silent battle that no one sees, as well - and it’s so unfair, that you don’t see - that if any other high-achieving student that you may see, every other put-together student - if any of them had the same condition as you, they’d be struggling - exactly the same as you are, if not worse. You’re doing so, so well right now. From my experience here are a few things that may help:

Study tips:

Always - always reward yourself for doing work - for the little things.

Take breaks. Figure out . I had twenty-minute sessions at first, because in the beginning, I couldn’t focus after the twenty-minutes - I’d usually feel so hopeless to the point that I’d just give up. But make a promise to yourself: at least a few twenty-minute sessions a day. And eventually… You build up. A key, key part to this - and this is so important, it wouldn’t work otherwise - but a key part to this is to keep praising yourself and rewarding yourself for doing the work. No matter how little it seems to be. It’ll give you motivation to keep going on - and maybe help you realize that, hey, you’re actually doing your best right now, and you’re so strong. Don’t compare them with anyone else’s study timetable. Remember, you’re the one going through some of the hardest times, mentally - not them. They’re not going through the same things as you are, which can impact you in terms of your energy levels, your ability to keep working, etc.  

Set small goals - small ones - and key part again: Praise yourself. Praise yourself for every little thing that you do. Getting out of bed - that’s an achievement, and that’s a win of the day. Because hey - if you think about it, you could have also not walked out of bed - but you did. You did two or three maths questions today: that’s amazing - you did some! It’s so good, compared to the past few days where you weren’t able to do any! What matters is that you had the strength to push yourself through - and eventually, each day, keep gradually increasing the amount of work that you do. On some days, it’ll feel like you absolutely can’t do anything at all - and that’s fine. Let yourself have those days - don’t force yourself or your mind too hard - have days off where you let yourself feel like crap.

Wellbeing tips:

Meditation. Cheesy as it sounds - but it gives you a lot of breathing room in your mind. And it helped - so, so much. It helps you to see a way out, to forge a way out of that darkness. Please give it a chance, if you’re not already meditating - it’s so unbelievably healthy for you, and it’s - it’s one of the things that got me out of depression. It may not work for you, but I’m really hoping it does help - it’s been proven to have a few health benefits :) Some apps I’d recommend are Headspace (this one was my lifeline - you have to subscribe, though, and it can be a bit pricey, unfortunately :(, but definitely check it out! ) and Stop, Breathe & Think!

Let your teachers know in advance that you’re undergoing a some significant personal difficulties right now, and that you’re struggling a lot - and it might affect your performance in class, your ability to concentrate, etc.

Finally, we’d really just want to recommend that you go and see the school counsellors as they can provide some more advice and tips to help cope. They’re honestly really helpful and experiences, and can often help get some of the stress of school work off your shoulders.  Remember that your friends, family, and FAM is always here for you too - and we’re always up for having a chat or hanging out

Hopefully this stuff helps  <3

Love, FAM xx

[bedeliadumaurier]

(1) I really hope I'm not overstepping, and of course you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but I have a question about depression and work. I thought you'd be able to help me. I'm an office manager in a small office and one of my employees has been out sick going on 2 months now. She's too tired to wake up, virtually comatose she said. Her illness was undiagnosed this whole time, and she said she was going to several doctors to try to find out the problem.

(2) Yesterday she called and said she now thinks it’s depression. She tries to come in to work everyday, but by around 10 a.m. she’ll call and say she can’t come in. It’s been like this for 2 months, I want her to know that she doesn’t need to force herself to come in, and I don’t want her to feel pressured or guilty. I want her to allow herself to take the time she needs. How do I do that? What should I say to her? I’ve told her about medical leave and TDI, but I know she still feels guilty.

(3) I’m wondering if she just thinks of me as just an employer, and I want to reach out to her on a more personal level. I know the pressure and the guilt is probably making everything worse for her, but we’re going to hire a temp for the time being. I’m not sure if telling her that will make her feel like she’s unwanted and being replaced? Or will it relieve some of the pressure and guilt? Thank you for listening and sorry for this long message.

–

Hi, don’t worry you’re definitely not overstepping; I really don’t mind talking about mental health things even as it relates to my own personal experience because I think it helps all of us to be candid about it! Of course I’m not a professional, but I can give you some advice from my own experience.

(going under a cut because this is a long answer!)

First of all I think it’s wonderful that you want to help her. A lot of employers still have very little understanding or sympathy when it comes to depression and other mental illnesses, so this girl is truly lucky to have you. And as far as her seeing you as “just an employer” I wouldn’t worry about that too much; you don’t know what kind of family/friend support she has, and speaking for myself I wish someone at my office had cared about me enough to reach out like you are. 

I think one of the biggest inherent difficulties with depression is that it’s very hard for depressed people to ask for help, even when they know they need it. There’s a lot of guilt, embarrassment, and a whole laundry list of reasons for it as I’m sure you’re beginning to see with this girl already.  To give you an idea of how this played out for me: I tried to continue working for about four months after I was officially diagnosed with depression. I did disclose to a supervisor and our office manager that I had been diagnosed and was on antidepressants, etc., and we did generally talk about the possibility of me going on short-term sick leave, but after those initial discussions neither of them really followed up with me. They left it to me to approach them with any problems or to officially make a decision about that. That might have been fine with any other employee under “normal” circumstances, but since my depression was so severe I sort of just…gave up and let things continue to get worse. 

In hindsight, I wish so badly that someone had kept tabs on me more closely, but even more so I wish that someone had quite frankly just taken the decision out of my hands entirely. I wish someone had come up to me and said, “look, here’s the plan: we’re gonna work together to sort out your workload and figure out who we can pass each file/project off to, and once we wind things down you’re gonna go get yourself healthy again so you can come back and keep working for us for a long time, because we don’t want to lose you.”  But no one did that, or anything close to that. When you’re depressed you need someone to throw you a lifeline because when you’re too depressed to get out of bed most days you’re not going to speak up and tell your boss you need to go on sick leave and could someone please take care of your work while you’re gone. That’s just like, not within most people’s capabilities when they’re depressed?? You mostly just want to curl up into yourself and disappear all the time. Someone coming to me with an action plan to which I could have just said “okay yeah you’re right, sounds good” and gone home would have saved my ass. 

And like, my office manager, who is also very kind and lovely, told me to keep in touch while I was on leave, and I literally told her, “honestly please call me once in a while because I’m probably never going to take initiative and call you because I’m a depressed piece of shit!!” (in so many words lol). And she does! She’ll call or email me every few weeks or so and we’d go for lunch and it gets me out of the house and it’s great! I think having someone else sort of take charge of the situation is so, so helpful when you’re depressed, so I wouldn’t be afraid to sort of err on the side of…gently forcing this girl’s hand a bit? It’s sort of helpful to do what you might think is slightly “overstepping” when it comes to depressed people! At least in my experience. My best friends know when i’m really down they have to be like “okay, I’m coming over and I’m bringing pizza” because “hey are you okay do you need anything?” is just going to be answered with “yeah i’m fine thanks!”  while I stay in bed for another day and don’t eat, you know?? I think most depressed people will tell you they��d welcome a bit of babysitting/hand-holding from people they trust. 

And I think knowing that a temp can easily hold down the fort for her for a few months or whatever while she gets better will be a relief. When I had a huge breakdown and was pretty much forced to go on medical leave, the biggest thing I felt was relief in knowing that my work obligations were taken care of and I didn’t have to think about them anymore. I think as long as you emphasize that you’re bringing in a temp because you want her to be able to focus on her health and get better so you don’t lose her in the long run, any slight feeling that she’s being “replaced” will be FAR outweighed by that sense of relief. 

Like, my line of work is very personal and you get really invested in it (messy child custody cases and stuff like that), and I can say that even then I didn’t even feel guilty or worry about those cases after I went on medical leave and knew they were all being taken care of by other people. All I felt was relief, and that relief allowed me to focus on myself and my health. So if I can feel that way in those circumstances I’d be willing to bet this girl will feel the same way and will appreciate having a way out. 

Anyway sorry for the long rambly response, but I definitely relate to what this girl is going through in trying to work with depression and I hope this helps you understand things! I think the bottom line is don’t be afraid to reach out and to even err on the side of doing what you think might be just a little bit pushy/overstepping, because that sort of relief from responsibility and stress is exactly what you need when you’re depressed. Thank you for messaging me and for your kindness, and I wish you and this girl both all the best :)