#i'm honest to god tempted to rate myself as unsuccessful this year just cause like | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ilkkawhat · 1 month ago

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just reflecting today on the 7th poured drink tonight and recalling how when i was venting to my co-workers about yesterday and the panic attack i had and all that, she mentioned how I needed more help when I was drowning and i swear to you the immediate thing that came to mind when she said that was alan wake

#i haven't really made many drowning gifs have i #also i feel bad cause like. god #this is so stupid and convoluted and part of the guilt i'm carrying right now #our customer service department ended up being the straw that broke my back and made me have that panic attack/meltdown yesterday #and i try #i TRY SO HARD to have some empathy towards them cause i mean #they're the ones getting basically abused by our customers #and it hurts so much to me that i can't be more help #and specifically the situation yesterday was me having to jump in and finish something that idk took me all of ten minutes to do #after i asked for some forklift assistance that took maybe like half an hour #but i had asked my employees to get that done *last week* and they couldn't do it #and the poor customer service rep had to escalate it to the director of sales which she flaunted in myf ace #and i felt terrible when i snapped and said 'ok i'll drop everything i'm doing to help you'#when i did legit have a million other things i needed to do #i'm honest to god tempted to rate myself as unsuccessful this year just cause like #i've been having to do my own employee's jobs which is also my fault for maybe not being firm like i need to be #but anyway her saying how i was drowning of course made me think of alan which honestly made me feel a little better #cause i mean it's like nick right #if alan could get out of the dark place even though it took him 13 years maybe i can too #and also inspiring in the way that like. alan needed help and i probably need help too #i've gone to therapy twice once in person and once online and like nick it's just...#not my thing #but something both therapists seemed to concur upon was that my support system isn't the best and i also need to work on myself #and love myself and lmao that's soooooo much easier said than done #but anyway i'm sorry i should get a real diary or somethin but #something about the formatting of tagging like this is weirdly comforting

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