#i'm having to rewire now
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This is random I follow you for the BL content but I just saw your Magicians posts and SAME like no show ever betrayed me like this show did, to the point I gave up on it completely and never went back. Thinking of queliot still fills me with both joy and rage to this day lmao. What a nonsense waste.
@inrainbowz, I'm a sucker for a monster taking over a character and a person he loves having to find a glimpse of him within that monster.
Like the Nogitsune plot in Teen Wolf when STILES STABBED SCOTT, yet Scott still knew his friend was somewhere in there and didn't want to hurt Stiles even though he could have killed him.
Because Stiles had saved Scott before when Scott was going to kill himself but Stiles brought his friend back by reminding him of all the good memories between them (SEASON 3 SUPREMACY!).
So of course I was going to love when everyone believed Eliot was gone, only for Quentin to know his friend was still alive in his body hiding from the Monster.
And right when he was ready to kill the Monster believing even if Eliot was still in there, he was suffering, Eliot came through BECAUSE OF HIS LOVE FOR QUENTIN!
WHO GETS PROOF OF CONCEPT LIKE THAT?!
So no matter how many times these shows do me dirty, I will always be a sucker over seeing the person you love turn into a monster, but loving him anyways. Seeing the body of the one person who your soul calls to become the villain, yet still believing that somewhere in there is good. That somewhere in there is the person who would fight to save you if the roles were reversed. And the love between you two being the thing to save you both.
*sobbing* peaches and plums, motherfucker
#the magicians#queliot#teen wolf#sciles#loving a monster#loving the villain#seeing the beauty hiding inside#I'm gonna be stuck here for a minute#it's been ten years since season 3 of teen wolf and I'M STILL THERE#five years since A Life in the Day and I'M STILL THERE!#never getting over them#they are a crucial part of me now#they have shaped me#they rewired my brain#they are a core part of my personality#crying in the club
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sooooo... *twirls her hair* how many asks should i send until kuwagami art. jk as well. the real question will be: does it happen often that someone else’s art inspires you? in fandom spaces specifically
well you see it’s like a loyalty card program, every 10 asks or so you get a complimentary kuwagami
just kidding you can just breathe in my direction and I’ll be tempted to draw them. kuwagami blast! (you've caught me on a... just okay art day lol)
(people still like kabedons, right?)
anyway for my actual answer: in terms of direct inspiration, it doesn't really happen much? the last two times i did art directly based on someone else's work is probably this one from this fic, and also that time i drew art of someone else's judgment au. oh! and there's that moriohpsycho art based on this comic! (filthyguts' work is so very. hgngngghh. very good.) nothing else really comes to mind, and when i think of the other things i've been into recently there hasn't been as much opportunity for that to happen...
flex and herds = strong fixation but lmao. almost nobody else made stuff about them. nobody is surprised umineko = surprisingly i don't read much umineko fanfiction? and in terms of illustration, i certainly picked up imagery and indirect inspiration but nothing concrete enough for me to give an example... now that i think about it, i did once draw andromalius from redaction/sunny, but that was years ago, and also mostly because i was acquainted with the writer. ...i don't have that artwork on hand right now death note = didn't really get involved with the fandom + i enjoyed my own ideas well enough! ...i can't recall if i drew long-hair-L art before or after seeing other artists do it. and as for everything else the same kind of reasoning applies. didn't really get involved with the fandom or wasn't really compelled to make art in response to stuff i saw, or i just don't remember anymore.
buuuuuuut if we're opening this up to just... pulling ideas from other people? then yeah, all the time, though that kind of goes without saying when you have a creative hobby. ...it's probably going to be hard to come up with examples of this since it's more ambiguous.
there's uhhhhhh... kuwana listens to nickelback which was a @/four-white-trees invention, wasn't it? (EDIT: and @/overdevelopedglasses!) (not tagging in this post so he doesn't feel obligated to read my big ass ask responses 💀) as of writing this, it's not posted but i did end up making kuwagami art based on a nickelback song so. yknow. there's that LMAO
for sawashiro and arakawa, i do sometimes go reference @/todayisafridaynight 's art to help me with my own. ("how did he draw this part of the suit? oh, like that huh? hmm" <- this kind of thing)
and um. i'm not trying to pander to you (at least not this time), but genuinely it's one of the few examples that come to mind at this moment. but when i was writing my first kuwagami fic, i could feel the influence of the ever-changing on my brain... was turning over some of your ideas there...
you remember this? (you even pointed it out in your comment on my fic, and i should've said something then, but whatever i'm saying it now)
that was absolutely because of this
(obligatory poke at anybody else reading this post that you can read passthroughtime's fic here.)
so, um. yeah. not really sure what else to add to that. pretty self evident i think. (i'm always talking about the ever-changing but i don't think i can overstate the impression it left on me at the time)
anyhow there aren't really any other examples off the top of my head! these are all recent examples so they're not so difficult to recall, but there are probably others i've forgotten...
#jitxt#started writing this unsure if i could give many examples and i ended up with more than i expected. nice!#sunny is a very good piece of umineko writing and i should reread it with the author's notes toggled on. and also read redaction#“shouldn't you have read redaction first” n-no. shut up! (besides i think renall said it was fine)#nobody remind me of that 20k note post that's just an uncredited screenshot of sunny. it'll piss me off#as cosmic balance i ought to shill sunny as much as possible#anyway uhhhhhh. the everchanging.#i am awful about receiving compliments (i never know how to respond aside from a rehearsed “thank you”) but i sure am great at giving them!#apologies if i'm laying it on too thick but#1. i am being truthful and#2. i figure it's reparations for all the time i spent as a lurker on the kuwagami ao3 tag#the explosion in my brain when i realised that “the nice person who leaves lots of tags on my kuwagami art”#and “the person who wrote that REALLY FUCKING GOOD FIC” were one and the same. crazy. and now we are mutuals ❤#it is a little funny thinking of when i'd read your and four-white-trees' work before meeting you#real life foreshadowing for me meeting you both....#i still have these discord messages of me telling a friend about both your works#basically: (reading an update to the everchanging) wow that was depressing (reading a joke in four-white-trees' fic) nevermind i'm good now#i ought to reread the everchanging and take detailed notes on all the parts i like#just so you know your impact on my brain lol#kuwana calling yagami a pretty boy and meaning it sincerely oh my GOD. rewired my brain
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One year later, reminiscing about my experience with Pokemon Violet:
#felix rambles#pokemon sv#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon sv spoilers#like a friend of mine said: 'usually it's a great game with a rushed ending but SV is a great ending with a rushed game'#my first playthrough of this game was borderline disastrous#I was so frustrated I was genuinely about to quit the game for good#the ending rewired my brain#I'm glad I managed to finish it in the end#I am now replaying it at a slower pace to properly enjoy it (the graphics still suck I am never changing that opinion)#(it's unfinished AT BEST but I can still have fun)#(still it's not worth its price)#I am so bitter yet happy about this stupid game istg#but enough rambling in the tags#pokemon
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So, in the last 24 hours:
our bathroom light started flickering our dog started limping and spasming our freezer started over-freezing our refrigerator died we found out that the muffler on our single vehicle is shot
I hate it here.
#Notes by Nikki#I'm trying so hard to stay positive#for my mom's sake#she's not doing well#it's possible that we won't be able to go on our trip at all#and we've already altered our plans#originally we were going to go to Texas#but then the pipes burst#now we're planning to just go a few hours away to visit family#but even that will be too expensive in gas#if we have to spend hundreds of dollars#on vet bills#and new appliances#and rewiring#and who the actual fuck knows what else#I hate it here#I hate adulting#I hate being poor#I hate that everyone that I know#is also poor#capitalism sucks#capitalism is evil#capitalism is a scam#capitalism is hell#capitalism is a disease#capitalism is the worst#also my teeth have been bothering me#and I don't have insurance
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Can someone please just bonk me over the head so I start feeling good about Work again?
#light's spot#i enjoyed it so much the first month and now it's like I'm tricking myself into feeling like I'm doing less#I'm not a professional#one month does not make me magically know everything about a job#this is smth I got to uni for for a reason#I just wish I could take criticism a lil better so I didn't psyche myself out when I don't meet expectations perfectly on my first attempts#I am having an off few days here where I feel like I've been going in circles with all these projects#I think it's just that I have less incoming work so the output feels worse even tho I 'cannot' do work that doesn't exist#also Migranes returned yesterday#gods someone just rewire my brain please#I can't Positive Think my way out of my own trap 🙏#having said that I have also effectively blamed Artfight on this downfall subconsciously sooooo#I tainted a personal thing that had nothing to do with my work. again. wish me luck on continuing to draw boys 🫡
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Let me paint you a picture. It's my first night alone in my brand new apartment, and I'm so fucking excited to be living completely alone for the first time. I accidentally stay up reading until 1 AM as usual because I have no impulse control. I finally turn out the light to go to sleep; it's pitch dark in my room. I immediately get a vision of what the night-vision goggle scene from Silence of the Lambs would look like if Buffalo Bill was standing over my bed in my room. I don't sleep for the rest of the night.
#LIKE GIRL WHY WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT#I literally am so excited to live alone and I generally don't have any worries about it#but I think the five months I spent talking my mother down because she's terrified for my safety now that I'm living alone#must have gotten to me#rewired some brain chemistry or something
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#tag talk#I feel good cause a new friend at work said something about how my boyfriend hasn't talked much to him since meeting me#And I was like uh oh I do not want to be that bitch#and I know he's been trying to organize some kind of game might and I was like rip you can't get him to play stardew valley with you#and I don't like stardew valley so I was like hey what about minecraft? because if I get them playing together on a realm then It's fixed#so anyway now I might have a new server and friend group to play with and hopefully I'll be less in the way of the preexisting friend group#because I'm really conscious of when I'm the reason stuff goes poorly so I don't wanna be a reason friends don't hang out anymore.#cause that shit sucks. jealous girlfriend type can go die I ain't about hogging people I don't feel good about it.#I just want everyone to get along and be friends#I'm putting in the work to learn bedrock mechanics. that's how committed I am to this. I hate variations on an established base.#it's the autistic in me for sure. I loathe multiple versions of songs. there can only be one true version. one right answer. all else is bad#so the slight discrepancies between bedrock and Java drive me absolutely nuts bonkers up the wall#I read a really good twilight fanfic and it rewired my brain and now I'm forever mixing up which is cannon and which is fanfic#because my brain immediately booted the version I preferred less and installed the new fanfic version as the correct right version#anyway. I'm hunting tutorials that actually explain the mechanics and taking notes so I know how to adjust the designs for aesthetics#because you need the minimum mechanical base to work before you can ad lib a building style and design onto the structural framework#I figured out the iron farm mechanics so tomorrow I think I'm gonna work on gold farm stuff. and redstone I just want to learn myself
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Discovered that I can just.... make homemade fries really easily and now i am liviiing
(literally just... cut potatoes into fries shape, mix with some sunflower oil, salt and whatever other seasoning you want (i like paprika and some garlic) and bake for like 30-40 minutes at 200°C)
what other foods am i missing out on that are actually super simple? what other things have i fooled myself into thinking are hard to do?? this is literally 1 ingredient plus seasonings
#food#i figure out like one new food a year lmao#though! i am currently in the process of getting a new kitchen including a new fridge#now it's a hassle and annoying bc there's been ppl in and out of my room dismantling the old kitchen#and rewiring the water and electrictiy and such#for the last two days#but if the new fridge comes with a bigger freezer compartment it'll be worth it#bc my main thing against cooking a lot of things is like... it freezing well doesn't help me when i have no room in my freezer#so. very excited for this#(and yes i don't actually know what the fridge is like yet bc i'm in student housing so i do not control the new kitchen)#(i just get told hey you get a new kitchen make sure to take all your stuff out of the old one)#(i currently do not have a fridge or a stove)#(i do have my tiny portable oven. and my microwave. bc those are mine)#(so todays dinner are fries bc well. i can make those)#(anyway if i get new freeze space i will figure out how to make pies. and soups. and things)
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been feeling a little under the weather but like this if you'd like me to approach you for plotting!
#++|| OOC#[tht autistic vibe when u have smbdy hurt ur feelings bad enough tht it rewires u? that's where ive been lately 😂]#[i have some new mutuals but i'm shy to message first 😳🥺 so here's this to break the ice for now]
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why does everyone else's state dictate how i'm doing? why do i obsess over how everyone is, except for myself?
#me @ myself:#worry about yourself#every hour's like ''don't text her don't ask her how shr's doing''#shit's really hard. for the both of us right now.#i'm afraid i won't do right enough by you#i tremble and falter at the spell your vigor of soul puts on me#all those stupid posts about ''can someone not be normal about me'' are starting to make me sad now that i think about it bc like#that's how i love i'm crazy about the person i love#naturally#but mixed with trying to be separate people and feeling cold like a piece is missing#it's not good!#it feels really bad frankly#i just have to keep introspecting#i have to keep training my brain like the muscle it is. i have to exercise it and rewire it and regulate my thoughts#and what becomes of them#personal#my wavering spirit finds its home in a little corner of your mind and it's where i love to be#i'm scared of hurting you and getting hurt#anymore#it's been like 500 times throughout our time knowing each other we keep hurting one another#god what do i do#i hate this !!! haha#m
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I hope the Failbetter studio knows how important all the FL game soundtracks are to my writing process. It's gotten to the point I won't be able to write at all if I don't have one of them on in the background. Skies is the most common, but I'm rewriting with MotR and it's the perfect middle between Seas' moodiness and Skies' subtle phosphorescence.
If I end up writing Ellenville, 90% of it will probably be written to the Seas soundtrack. Most of the Liztlie AU has been written to Skies.
#If I have a 'dark' scene I'm writing I put on Seas. If I'm just writing normally I have Skies. MotR for rewriting is working.#I've looked up from 2hr of trying to write sometimes and realized that I haven't because I didn't put the Skies track on.#fallen london#ptxt#writing#MotR is particularly ironic because I didn't like it when I first downloaded the track. The clarinet threw me.#Now I've played the game it gets me in a comfortable middle-ground 'broody but not hopeless' mood.#We looped the Skies opening when we played Skyfarer and I think it permanently rewired my brain.
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I am tired of having anxiety
#j talks#i'm *always* tired of having anxiety and I need to go back to therapy and leave my house and take meds#but i can't do all that rn...so... : )#mostly upset bc i keep missing out on shit bc of my anxiety !#like yeah i could've gone to the movies yesterday but i got so scared of having a panic attack or something so i was like ! nope !#but now i'm like : ) damn i wish i just fucking went !#like i can never relax in theaters and I know this and i wish it was different but nothing ever changes.#i don't even think like i need exposure therapy i think i need my brain completely rewired
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this is not how mental illnesses work but i truly feel that if i look at jensen ackles too much i will develop gender dysphoria
#if i was braindead i would reblog gifs of him and be like 'gender'#which is cringe as hell cause it glorifies gender roles which are harmful as hell#but i also fully understand that in the gender role obsessed world we live it's possible to be jealous of#the way someone does or doesn't fit gender roles#bc they're so baked into every facet of style and personality and stuff#that admiring something about someone inevitably ties in to how they do or don't fit gender roles#because every trait that every person could have has already been coded masculine or feminine by society#of course my answer is to deconstruct and destroy that rather than have fun with it bc there's nothing fun about misogyny lol#anyway all that's to say i never agreed with what people meant when they were reblogging the pretty boys being like 'i want his gender'#aka i want to be like him and fit gender roles the way he does or doesn't#but i'm seeing some jensen ackles shit that is rewiring my brain fully#i need to look like that immediately#also i had a soul-crushing convo about misogyny with my friend yesterday (love her we have so much in common)#and my subconscious is now like. ha just a reminder being a woman is so hard all#the time wouldn't it be nice if not only you were a man but you were a 'man's man'#and just live one day out from under the patriarchy!!! wouldn't that be so great well too bad. sucks for you.#patriarchy all day all the time and it's heart wrenching and soul crushing and unbearable and sometimes the worst part of being alive#ha! ha!
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AND WITH YOUR MERMAID HAIR AND YOUR TEETH SO SHARP YOU CRAWLED FROM THE SEA TO BREAK THAT SAILOR'S HEART
#florence and the machine#i blacked out while having mermaids on loop and suddenly this got done so. tagging that#technically it's not finished i wanted to do a background + there's tons of mistakes and stuff i'm not happy with#but i have not picked it up in a week. i'm calling it done#anyway. really funny how two mermaid-related things rewired my brain this month#(second one will recognize herself yes i'm still thinking about callie <3)#.artichoke#← own art tag now. i guess
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One day I'm just gonna drop a massive wall of text about my machine ocs and that day may be coming very soon
#as soon as i have them all figured out which. i do have a decent amount of stuff already lmao#i already talk about lemon and amy a lot but now there's 6 more girls to add into this mix and I'm just gonna throw them out here#everyone reading this i have a mission for you and it is to find a piece of fiction that rewires your brain this hard#invent some little guys and create your personal biggest sprawling work of fiction ever#shai speaks
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Just finished Sacred Bodies by @sticksandsharks . What a read. Ah what a read !!!
#sacred bodies#reading#wow#How do you capture so many struggles I have in such a fascinating way ??? Both delicate and brutal#Love them both. Love the desires paralleling each other. Love the connection through forbidden play. Love the TINY CHICKENS ALSJDJDKSKSJDJ#Can we talk about the stone-souled ?? the “Everything I do is wrong somehow?” The Everlasting longing#The hunger for connection and touch and community#Ever so different yet wanting to belong and be the same as everybody else#and then being shamed for that desire holy fucking fuck I am not kidding this is rewiring my brain#And then the hunger ?? an entire species trying to erase hunger and hunt out of their entire existence ??? To Belong ???#And then. And then !!! the play is harmless !! Because they both see and respect each other. They connect and they love each other aaaaaaaaa#Anyway I'm going to go make all my friends read this now#Just shoving it in their faces#It's what they deserve
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