#i'm halfway through the album and i'm putting it on pause for the day i fear my brain doesn't have the capability to process that much

[an-absolute-nightmare]

do hozier fans just live like this? like, normally? like you guys just listen to a song that makes you want to fall on your knees on your way to work and then just? carry on? like your neural configuration hasn't been fundamentally altered?

[kosher-martian]

I guess I review music now?

No one: Absolutely no one:

The Kosher Martian: Hello and welcome to my review of Nickelback's No Fixed Address

I'm a fan of Nickelback and I won't apologize for it. I have two of their CDs (The Best of Nickelback Volume 1 and No Fixed Address) but I've also listened to their other work through YouTube. I am not an authority on music whatsoever. I do not keep up with the latest popular music. If you sat me down and made me list bands and artists who made their big break after 1992, I might be able to mention a dozen or so. I bought the album and I just thought I should subject you to my opinions of it. Thoughts on the album as a whole: The album is a bit of a mixed bag. Most of the songs are in search of a new sound for Nickelback, but the end result is a mix of that classic Nickelback grunge-but-not-grunge, rock-but-not-rock, country-but-but-country sound mixed with some other random sound that doesn't always mesh. Overall the first half of the album is great and the back half has a lot of totally forgettable filler that I will skip from now on.

Thoughts about each song on the album:

"Million Miles an Hour" - This is a great album opener and a fun, fast-paced song. It's arguably the heaviest-sounding song, I would say it hits my definition of a metal song. If you mixed this in with some Metallica and Fozzy tracks, I don't think anyone would notice. I strongly believe this has earned its place on a car select screen in a PS2 / PS3 era street racing game.

"Edge of a Revolution" - I think this was their attempt at a protest song a la Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It". Tonally it's a bit weird hearing Nickelback talk about something that feels topical. Their lyrics always have a nostalgic / backwards-looking vibe to them, so to see them so amped up and talking about the problems of modern society (I think the song is just as applicable in 2024 as it was in 2014), it's a bit of a trip to say the least.

"What Are You Waiting For" - For whatever reason, this just sounds like vague, half-remembered knockoff of "Secrets" by OneRepublic. If you wanted to know what Disney's The Sorcerer's Apprentice would sound like with Nickelback as the leitmotif instead of OneRepublic, this is the song for you.

"She Keeps Me Up" - Okay, this one is just strange. It's a little funky, it's a little pop. It works.... but I feel like it shouldn't? Like a lot of pop songs, there isn't much going on lyrically. It gets stale pretty quickly and I found myself wanting to skip to the next track before the song was halfway over.

"Make Me Believe Again" - Lyrically, this feels closer to Nickelback's older work. Musically it sounds pretty modern. Somewhat forgettable. This was the point on the album where songs started to become more forgettable.

"Satellite" - This sounds like unused content from their previous album, Here and Now. If you like "Lullaby", you'll like this song.

"Get 'Em Up" - This is a fun little story song about bank robbers. I don't have much to say other than it is just fun.

"The Hammer's Coming Down" - This is the song that plays during the credits of bad YA movie you found on Crackle or Tubi.

"Miss You" - In 2029 this will be used unironically in an indie film about two teens who fall in love just before the COVID-19 pandemic hits and follows them as they spend the next three years dating each other exclusively through Zoom. It will be called Love in Quarantine or Our World on Pause or something. The girl will come from a family of handwashing libs who wear masks and go to George Floyd protests and the boy will be the quiet artsy son of a bunch of proud American Patriots who break quarantine, have coronavirus parties, and force the boy to go to Back the Blue rallies. An important part of the film will be the boy's father being put on a ventilator and his mom encouraging the boy to stay in quarantine so he can one day meet the girl he loves. The film ends with them holding hands for the first time since 2019.

"Got Me Runnin' Round" (featuring Flo Rida) - I'm sure this is for someone but it just isn't for me. I don't know who Flo Rida is, but his contributions were.... fine. Not the worst track on the album, but not the best either.

"Sister Sin" - This song is so utterly forgettable that it ended without me noticing.

Final thoughts: Kosher? Pareve. Martian? 7 Red Planets 🔴 out of 10. Mars Attacks!

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

I'm obsessed with the famous singer with Calum universe and imagine your about to realease your first album and you ask them to come into the studio and listen to it and they all just give there genuine opinion on it while your head is on Calum's shoulder and your just break all the songs down for them and what they mean to you. But what if it was like Clairo's album bc that shit just SLAPS ok gn

Thanks for the suggestion! I tweaked it just a little bit. I hope you enjoy. 

Here are parts one, two, three, four, five and six. This is the Distance series on my masterlist!

If you have any other suggestions for this series, please send them to me! I’ll use as many as I can while still progressing this story along!

_______________________________

The flight is no doubt long for Calum and he sleeps like a log on her couch, cuddled up with her dog. He’ll admit to missing Duke, but it’s nice to have another furry body around to curl up with. She manages to him wake up for food. Watching him sit at her tiny dining room table, with his eyes constantly blinking from sleep lingering, she can barely keep a grip on his plate. She wants to hate what Calum is doing to her. But for a fleeting moment she lets herself linger on the thought that maybe she can have this one day. As the plate settles with a soft thud, Calum smiles up at her. “Thanks,” he says, voice thick and deeper than normal. Her spine shivers, toes curling. It’s not like she hasn’t experienced this before while she stayed with him. But this--this just feels different between them now.  

“No problem. I still can’t believe you just hopped onto a plan for me? That’s so insane.”

“Of course. I just wanted to help. I’d do it again too if I had to.” 

“I have to go into the studio the rest of the week. I’m sorry about that.”

Calum takes her hand, across the coffee table, fingers gently grazing her skin. “You say that like I don’t understand.” They laugh, gently only cut across by the sound of her dog’s paw across her hardwood floors. “You gotta work. I’m just here to help out.”

The jetlag isn't as major as Calum thought it would be. It helps that he managed to sleep on the flight and his nap definitely aided. Her apartment is unmistakably small, but it’s cozy with the hanging plants and the sunlight that she lets come even once the sun has settled and night has fallen thickly over the city. “Only one bed, but if it makes you uncomfortable, we can figure something out. I can take the couch.”

Calum, throwing an arm over her shoulders and pressing a kiss to her temple, steps through the threshold of her bedroom door, keeping her in toe. “You are not sleeping on your own couch. If anything, I would. But I’m comfortable sharing a bed if you are.”

She nods. “I’m okay with that.” 

And she is, but she can’t help her heart from fluttering when Calum returns from his shower, no shirt and just sleeping shorts. She peels back her covers, patting the empty space next to her. When he settles, albeit with a lump in his throat, he turns onto his stomach, clutching the pillows into his arms. “This is the point where we tell each other ghost stories,” he teases. He’s hoping his laughter doesn’t shake. He hopes she can’t detect how his body is shivering as the scent of her detergent and the mixture of hair products and lotions climbs into his nostrils. 

She slips down under her covers, the lights in the room clicking off as she finds the switch for the bedside lamp. “I don’t have many of those. Generally, I try not to mess with ghosts.”

“Understandable.”

Turning onto her side, she goes to reach out and hesitates. She can’t believe it. He’s really here, across the globe for her. “I’m pretty sure you might be a ghost right now.”

Calum shakes his head. “Nope, I’m very much real.” He reaches out and takes her hand. He noticed it, how she retreated. Their fingers glide over, before she threads her fingers. He tugs her hand close and kisses over each of her knuckles. “I’m very much real,” he whispers into her skin. 

Her morning routine starts earlier than usual, but only by a half an hour, as a phone goes off at 5:55 in the morning. “Fuck, sorry,” Calum straightens up, reaching across her to turn off his phone alarm. “I’m sorry.”

She laughs, wiping at the corner of her eyes. “It’s alright.” She hums as she stretches. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” He falls back into the sheets, welcoming the warmth it brings. “It’s just--it’s a thing I do.” He’s trying to remember for a moment where he put his wallet. 

One hand on his chest, she kisses his cheek. “Whatever you need, just let me know.” 

“My pants,” he grumbles, wiping at his face. 

She nods, and slips out of bed, finding his pants laying across his duffle bag. “Incoming.” Calum sits up and catches his pants, patting the pocket, and there in the back pocket is his wallet. He fishes out the wallet and photo, his mother’s grin making him smile in return. She spies something small that he pulls out and the warm smile. She wonders what it is, but she doesn’t push it before walking out into the hallway. 

Their morning is quiet, Calum joining her to make a quick breakfast after taking her dog for a walk. The morning’s a bit breezy, though not overly so. Calum watches from the passenger side of the car as she rolls down the streets. “Sorry again about my alarm.”

She waves it off. “I’m an early riser anyway, Calum. Really, it’s fine.”

“It’s just a thing I do. I have this picture of my Mum and I. Makes my whole day better starting it out like that.”

Paused at a traffic light, she looks over with a soft smile. “That’s really sweet.”

“So, uh, what’s on your agenda today.”

“Laying vocals for one last song. And god knows, I’ll be laying them for hours.”

Calum remembers her previous rants about needing to get things exactly the way she sees them in her head out on tape. He’s excited to hear more music from her. The two singles are amazing, a bit more bluesy alternative than what he was creating, but the way her vocals reminded him of melting chocolate and she managed to teleport the listener, like sitting in a dark room with an old record playing in the background. It’s awe inspiring and a thing he always went back to when he felt like he was missing a home that he had never really been to. 

The studio is cozy. It’s really just her, the producer and a couple other people. It’s close and intimate. As Calum settles onto the couch outside the recording booth, he keeps to himself but is polite as he’s introduced. “I didn’t expect a partner in crime for today, but uh, this is the famous Calum I probably don’t shut up about.”

She admits it so freely and Calum can’t help but gape. He’s not sure his ears are working. “She really don’t shut up about you, mate,” the guy introduced as Paul laughs. She steps away and lower, Paul adds on, “I’m not attempting to be big brother here. But that girl’s basically a sister to me. And she hasn’t smiled nearly as hard in about a year than she smiles about you.”

Calum watches the door, waiting for her to be just around the corner. When she’s not there, he turns back around. “I’m not going to lie to you. I’m a goner. But it’s, hard. The living situation right now.”

Paul nods, pulling his hair back into a bun. “I get it. I do. Shit’s not easy right now. But, I’m happy she’s happy. And I’m rooting for this. You seem decent. Literally flown across continents for her. That’s mad, but also, really genuine.”

Giggles signal of her arrival, that she’s just down the hallway but Calum chews over what Paul says, as he settles into the seat in front of the mixer and she slides into the booth. This thing went deeper that he realized. Through the speakers, everyone catches her vocal warmups, and Calum sneaks a cheeky video of her, making faces. “I see you, Calum!” She signals him out through the glass. They can only laugh before she returns to her work at hand. 

Halfway through the day, they take a break and as the group leaves to gather lunches, she waves for Calum to join her at the desk. He slips into the second rolling chair. “Hopefully it’s not too boring?”

“No, it’s really not. It’s amazing to see you work.” He can feel the emotion anytime she does a take and it’s always more and more each time she goes. He worried for a second she’d loose her voice but Paul’s always there to reel her in. 

“I wanna play you something.” He watches her click around and soon through the speakers, Calum hears the crooning guitar, wailing and setting the tone before her voice accompanies it. Her voice swells in his chest and he thinks for a second, he might be crying. But he can’t be. Not until she gently takes his chin, guiding him to look at her and her thumb comes up to wipe away gently at the corner of his eye. 

“God, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“Maybe if you stopped singing like an angel, I wouldn’t.”

She laughs, fingers dragging down his cheek, across his moles. “Don’t know what I can do about that.” And her voice is still singing around them, she’s still wailing along with her guitar. Calum just listens, part of him wishing he was listening through headphones to catch every tsk of the drums and listening to the creaks and breathes. 

As the break comes around, her guitar crying out more and slightly out of the melody established, Calum bops along. His head dipping and shaking with the frets. “God, that sounds so dirty, but somehow so emotional at the same time,” he compliments. And as the tracks play on, he listens to each one, fingers picking out the keys and notes over the wooden desk. The guitar sounds like it was laid all at once, not much fuss what layers around it. Just like it was a moment that was just her and her guitar. He compliments each track, gives small suggestions here and there for production, but overall, he’s blown away by her craftsmanship and the way she’s been able to communicate with her team with what she wanted for each song. 

“I want to write like you someday,” Calum teases over his plate. “What’s the secret?” The last twinkling of the bass and piano play out around them. And Calum’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to pick his jaw up off the floor. 

“Being insane,” she returns with a soft laugh. “And having a really great team of course.”

“You’re the mastermind behind it all,” Paul addresses. “We’re just the minions. The pawns in her games of chess.”

She scoffs, working down the last scoop of soup. “Let’s be honest. I’d be lost without you.”

“Nah, you really wouldn’t, babes. You know what you want. I just happen to be able to translate it for you.”

Picking up a napkin from the table, Calum cleans away a little bit of soup that’s dribbled down her chin for her. “And a messy eater, clearly that’s needed in the recipe for creative genius too.”

“Fuck off,” she huffs throwing the plastic her spoon came in at his chest. 

The session ends soon and as they all climb out, taking hallways back to civilization, Calum slips his hand into hers. He pulls them to the side, letting the crowd continue on. “You’re really talented, you know?”

“Nah, I’m not that--”

“No, you really are,” he interjects. His fingers come up to her chin, dancing across her skin. “You really, really are.”

Her cheeks are hot. She’s not sure how to hide the smile, if it’s okay to smile and for the moment all she can focus on his him, and the way his exhales are soft and his lips are such a  pretty pink. “Thank you,” she breathes. 

Calum dips his head, inching and inching closer. “Is-is it okay?” His lips are so close to her and instead of verbally answering, she meets him. They’re lips graze properly and briefly. She pulls away, body flooding with embarrassment and before the words can vomit over her lips, Calum pulls in for another kiss. This one longer, lips actually tasting the other. She thinks she could kiss him forever. 

There’s a soft echo as their lips part. Her eyes are still closed, inhaling deeply to still her rapidly beating heart. “Yeah,” she says, then clears her throat. “It’s okay.”

Calum smirks at her answer, laughing as he kisses her again. This time without fear, without hesitation. Her fingers clutch around his shirt, he can feel her pulling at him like she can’t get close enough. But there is nothing, no inches, no centimeters, no millimeters between them hardly besides the cotton of their clothes. 

There’s desperation, all the I miss you’s and I really could use a hug from you right now’s and all the almost spoken signs of affection pour themselves out into the kiss. They’re not handsy, not dying to cave into hedonism. Just unsure of how to use words to express the concern, the love, the care for each other. Calum cradles her face, pulling back just a little for air. “I’ve wanted to do that for like, so long. And it’s a shame how giddy I feel doing that.”

“No, never a shame. Because like my guts feel like they’ve been folded over like pastry dough right now.”

Laughing into each other, they linger for just a moment longer in the hallway. They share breaths, trying to find the steady established rhythm that they innately have, but getting so lost in each other’s gaze. She’s never really noticed just how deep the brown goes in Calum’s irises until now. “I have lyrics brewing in my head right now and like, it’s embarrassing,” she confesses.

“No, never embarrassing.”

“You cannot use my own sentiments against me.”

“I think I just have.”

-H

[curiousconch]

Recovery

Chapter 9 of Ricochet (An Open Heart AU)

Catch up here: Series Masterlist

Chapter Synopsis: As Heather is set to recover, will her relationship with Rafael follow the same path? 

Pairing: Rafael Aveiro x MC (Dr. Heather Song) | Bryce Lahela x MC (Dr. Heather Song) ft. PLATONIC Dr. Ethan Ramsey

Words: 1.4k+ | Genre: Crime, Suspense/Thriller, Romance

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / themes of physical and emotional trauma 

Author's Notes: This very very very angsty chapter was inspired by a favorite song of mine from Taylor Swift's 1989 album, Clean. Halfway through, I wrestled with the emotions of this chapter, and another song titled Say Something, a haunting duet by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera helped me complete the rest of the narrative.

Thank you so much for taking time to read this series. Please let me know if you want me to include/remove you in the tags list. Also, disclaimer: Majority of the characters are owned by Pixelberry, except the main character Heather Song.

Rafael watched from a distance as the doctors scrambled to revive her back to life. 

Seeing her actually slip away terrified him. But what was more horrific is how he could only watch on helplessly, with no ability to come to her rescue. It shook him to the core.

For so long he believed that he can be her own personal savior, her superman. But during the most crucial of times, the sinking knowledge that he simply can't fulfill the one promise he made gnawed at him life a nightmare coming to life. 

The fact that he himself had inflicted a deep wound on her heart just a few days ago crushed him all the more. 

He had no right to be here, he realized. He had already gave up that privilege on the day he chose his ego over her. It was when he decided to fulfill his fantasy of being someone else's hero, rather than coming to terms with the truth that she will never need him the way he wanted to. 

Even when the flashback of them at Donahues, where he asked her to consider taking him back, nipped at his already guilt-ridden heart. The sheer audacity of him to demand that from her, only a selfish person without care would ask someone to do that. 

The illusion that he hold onto for so long crumbled into dust. With it, was his determination to cling to what once was. 

"She's going to be okay, Raf," his silent torment was interrupted by Elijah, who approached him in the corner of the room. 

He looked up to him, then to the direction where she was laid down, and heard the merciful evenly-paced beep of the heart rate monitor. 

Relief washed over him. She lived. 

He quietly mouthed a thank you to Dr. Greene. When he was left alone yet again, he ruminated at the stormy thoughts that filled his head. 

She has suffered enough heartache for a lifetime. And for him to continue to pursue her is to only prolong her trauma and heartache over his actions. For them, there was no recovery. 

Today was not a chance to begin again. It was a chance to make it right and finally give up. 

It was then that he decided, it was time to let her go.

***

Heather woke up as she was wheeled into the hospital room. The white fluorescent light made her eyes flicker, her vision trying to adjust to the sudden brightness after a long stay in the dark. 

A baritone voice boomed into the quiet, jolting her consciousness awake. 

"Well, you put up a mighty fight today, Rookie." 

Heather couldn't help a snicker, her vision darting around to sought out the speaker. 

"I had to, or you'll probably chase me to the afterlife with your scalding commentary, Dr. Ramsey."

She heard him chuckle in response. 

"Still snarky, I see," the attending quipped, as he approached the side of her bed and pressed a button on a remote. Slowly, her upper body raised up, as the headboard elevated. She tried to curve her lips into a smile only to feel a tingling pain, making her wince a little. 

"Easy there, Dr. Song. You just went to hell and back today." Ethan said, a clipboard tucked between his fingers. 

"Funny that you say that," she said. "I still feel like hell though."

Her mentor can only manage a faint smile, an endearing affection coming across his piercing blue eyes. She knew that look. It was the same kind of gaze she saw him give Dolores during her intern year. A subtle look of genuine concern which she attributed to their growing relationship as mentor and protege. 

It was just a matter of seconds before that look vanished, replaced by a more formal version. 

"It's going to be a couple of days of recovery for you," he explained. "You suffered from severe hyperkalemia, which, with the help of your friend from the DA, we have managed to de-escalate as soon as possible."

Heather couldn't help but blink at what was just mentioned. "I'm sorry, my friend from the DA?"

"Yes, ADA Lahela was able to identify the correct chemical compound within the first half hour after you arrived here," he paused as he checked the flow of her IV. "It aided us to do the proper intervention in the nick of time."

He was right. Anymore than 30 minutes into the system, potassium chloride would have bound to the blood cells and would have caused permanent, if not fatal damage in her system. 

She'll have to thank Bryce the first chance she gets. Her memories went back to their last conversation, and she shivered at the unavoidable confrontation that will take place. 

Her hands trailed up to her temple, where she felt a bandage. She recalled her fall, thinking it was how she got wounded. 

"Ah, yes. We're going to do an MRI for that, just to make sure we're not missing anything else. But apart from that, you'll do alright." He concluded. 

"Thanks Dr. Ramsey," her appreciation was sincere.

He nodded. He was about to express something else, when a knock on the door hindered him. 

Both of them swiveled at the visitor. Heather swallowed hard as the dark brown eyes looked back at her, the familiar figure standing by the doorway. 

"May I come in?" Rafael said with a hint of hesitation as he put a foot forward.

Ethan Ramsey twisted his gaze back to Heather, checking if he would allow the young man in. Although he saw her body tense, she lightly nodded.

"Sure, Agent Aveiro. We're just about finished here." the attending gently patted Heather's hand. "I'll see you in the morning, Rookie."

When Dr. Ramsey departed, Raf made his way towards her, as if in a daze. Heather bit her lower lip and touched the tips of her brunette fringes. The thin tube of the IV tangled in her arm giving her an excuse to avert her eyes away from his for a few seconds.

"Are you doing alright?" Raf asked, taking a seat on the standard-issued metal chair beside her bed.

"Yeah, I'm okay, I've been through worse." she mumbled, almost whispering.

A sharp pang of contrition reverberated within him, unsure of which ordeal she just called as a better alternative than what she just went through. Although his adultery was probably a main contender.

His head bowed low as if navigating through the warring indecision between his heart and mind. While distracted, a soft pitter-patter of rain slid against the glass window. It was as if nature was conspiring against him, yet another heaven-given sign that their end was inevitable.

How can ending a relationship be made easier? There was no path that would prove to be less difficult, except for an admission of the truth. The least hurtful road to traverse is the turn towards an honest confession that what they had has intersected with their own definition of their limits. 

Rafael cleared his throat, the noise making Heather face him.

"Heather," he began. "I know I promised to be the person who you can turn to, anytime you needed." His lips quivered, fumbling with the right words to say. 

"But I broke that," he simply said, reaching for her hands and lacing it with his. His head dropped so low in between his shoulders that his cheek touched the fabric of her hospital blanket.

Her eyes shone as she slowly took in his words, soaking in the finality of the tone he uttered them with. When she survived her kidnapping tonight, she initially thought she won a battle. But only hours after, they were losing the war.

Rafael's tears soaked through the white sheet, like the rain that drowned the street outside the sullen, sterile hospital room. His muffled groans of defeat echoed through the silence that crawled in between. Although his heart burst in a million shards, deep down he knew it was ultimately for the best.

They couldn't remember how long they stayed still. Eventually, he lifted his head where his gaze fell upon the softness of her features. His thumb gently grazed her cheek, asking for permission.  She nodded, an unspoken agreement similar to what she used to give him before.

In a heartbeat, their lips met, savouring the taste of each other, fully aware that this will be the very last time. The kiss was sweet, but tainted bitter by their unspoken farewell. When they pulled apart, there was no question that it was the end of the road for them. 

There was nothing left to say.

But before they separated, a set of amber eyes witnessed the ending of their love affair, misinterpreting it as a last ditch effort to salvage the remnants of their irreparable relationship. 

The prosecutor fled from the hospital room without so much as a word, unnerved by the scene that put another blow on his own pursuit of love. 

Tags: @eleanorbloom @ramsey-lahela @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

***

Author's Notes 2: Although Rafael is still my OTP, what he did in the beginning of this series rendered him and Heather permanently broken. Cheating, no matter the justifications, will always be cheating. And dealing with the consequences of it, especially by the offended party, will be a hard mountain to summit. Raf chose to let Heather go, and for me, that proves that he loves Heather enough, so that he could spare her from further emotional trauma. She has more than enough to deal with now.

[mytortoisegotstuckinatupperware]

Yep! And my neural configuration has fundamentally altered!

do hozier fans just live like this? like, normally? like you guys just listen to a song that makes you want to fall on your knees on your way to work and then just? carry on? like your neural configuration hasn't been fundamentally altered?