#i'm gonna try to finish my day 2 entry today but i'll be so late with the other one

[campbenji]

why do i get writer's block at literally the worst time like it just HAD to be this week

[canaryatlaw]

OKAY. well today was all around a lot. woke up earlier than wanted but couldn't fall back asleep, so I just got up and defrosted a bagel for breakfast. I had 3 9 am cases up in 1 courtroom, and a 10 am in another courtroom (technically as well as another 10 am in yet another courtroom, but my boss was covering that one for me since I couldn't do both). this normally wouldn't be an issue because I could just tell the courtroom coordinator, and they'd boost me to the front of the line, so I could get out of there in plenty of time. however, for some reason I absolutely cannot understand, they seem to have done away with courtroom coordinators pretty much entirely, so I was just staring at a white screen waiting to be let into the courtroom until past 10. I ended up logging into the other courtroom for my 10 am on Zoom on my phone, and they were surprisingly running on time, and that was over way before my 9 ams were even called. We eventually got called and finished around 10:45, but two of my cases weren't on the call so they didn't have the file, and I was more than a little irritated about it because the incompetence is really just inexcusable. So I reported that to the spreadsheet we have now of things not following procedure that the chief judge of the county has asked us to track. but whatever, just a stressful court morning. The real kicked for the rest of the day was trying to have this emergency motion heard, which I filed super early in the day so it could be heard today, and they yet again just entirely fucked it up and left it until the end of the day so I couldn't even remedy their mistake in time, so it's now being heard Monday and I was just so fucking mad about it. Practically, it's not a huge deal because it's not a dire situation, it's just so incredibly frustrating to be doing everything right time after time and run into the same problems because people are so fucking incompetent. So I reported that to the spreadsheet as well as copying it to my boss and the head of our organization as we've been asked to. Didn't expect to get two entries in one day, since this is the first time I've added something. So I did not end the day on the best note, but oh well. I was going to cook dinner, but by the time all that was done it was getting late, and we didn't want to postpone watching the gp999 episode once my roommate got home, so we ordered cauliflower pizza from the place we like because we had a coupon code for a free one. it took a while to get there, but we got it and ate it while watching the episode. I've mostly been keeping my reactions on the reddit thread, but I liked the episode a lot, but I'm concerned for my girl Hyerim not being able to get the boost she needs and potentially getting eliminated in the next round...I'll be so pissed if that happens, but oh well. After we finished the episode we basically just chilled for the rest of the night, watching music videos and such until my roommate went to bed, and I stayed up a bit longer before showering and getting ready for bed, and now I'm here and of course it's almost 2:30 am, luckily I don't have anything to do tomorrow so I can just sleep! Super excited for that and I'm gonna go do that now. Goodnight friends. Happy weekend.

[ancient-mystical-features]

the meh series

February 4, 2022

Milkis

The plate has been drying up for about an hour now. I need to do the dishes. I need to start with the project proposal. Yet here I am mindlessly scrolling. I'm trying to be patient with people. We've given so much yet they give less than the minimum. This entry is a mess.

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February 7, 2022

7:30

I woke up at 6, then slept every ten minutes until 7:15 as my series of alarms go off.

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February 10, 2022

(parentheses)

I haven't been taking care of myself lately. I've always been sleeping really late, rarely eating breakfast, and having late lunches. I'm doing well emotionally though. It's just that, a lot has been going on academically (I've been monitoring each student's progress from my class and handling a huge chunk of responsibility with Gwyn as project heads for our culminating activity) and on orgs as well as my personal projects (I finished that on tonight though, turns out editing said ridiculous videos was gonna take way more than a couple hours which I had not expected, but it turned out really well). None are internal or personal issues, though, and I'm glad. Emotional stability keeps me going (for now). I've just been really busy. And it's only the fourth- (or is it the third?) week of class so it only gets worse from here.

The best part about this, though is I take ridiculously long breaks in the early afternoon to recharge. I take around an hour max of lunch time, enjoying my meal in front of a device while watching something. I wanna start watching The Woman in the House from the... whatever the long title was. PLDT is currently down so this will surely take a huge chunk of my mobile data.

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February 12, 2022

*sigh*

I'm taking a break today.

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February 13, 2022

day two

I'm doing well. I'm taking another break like I usually do on Sundays.

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February 14, 2022

meh

I didn't do much today, nor did I feel like doing much. I could be feeling burnt out or lazy, I can't tell which. But since I still have a few hours before afternoon ends, I'll try doing something.

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February 25, 2022

feeling better

I was a mess and all over the place and emotional and I tried writing and had to redo it countless number of times so I decided to clean my room instead. I'm feeling better now. I've been putting off cleaning my room for weeks now. But I've finally cleaned it and I feel better. This entry is a mess ep. 2.

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March 1, 2022

meh

Another day of that. I get lots. I have initially written something for this but I am hesitant on sharing it.

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March 3, 2022

attention span

Lately, I have been wasting my days in ways I do not want. There are ways to waste my time wisely, but I have not been doing well with those. I'm getting addicted to watching my Facebook friend's mydays even though I honestly don't care about most of the stuff in it, since it's mostly content I don't relate to. I've also been spending so much time on YouTube shorts on videos I don't even like. I've always told people that I never create an account on TikTok so I won't get addicted, which is true, but right now YouTube shorts is doing the same effect. For some reason it's just so easy to fall to the trap of these social media platforms and waste a good portion of my day in it. I always feel miserable after a good amount of time so even *I* am left to wonder why I stay anyways. Where's the Meca who immediately does a task once it's assigned to them? Where's the person who does some of the tasks at least a week in advance fueled with self-gratification of doing stuff and feeling good while doing it? Where's the person whose creative juices overflow out of the cup or the one who can juggle a million stuff at once? She's not gone, she's just not here yet.

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March 8, 2022

:)

Remember the entry from yesterday? It didn't last for days. It lasted for three hours. t h r e e. After that, I was swallowed into an overwhelming state of anxiety that came out of nowhere. I couldn't sit still nor could I do anything. My friend pointed out that I might have been burnt out, which was something I hadn't considered. That night, I booked a counseling session with our guidance counselor so I could get help and to put me out of this pattern. Turns out I was being too hard on myself. I'm currently writing a letter to myself for the future, but I guess also an apology letter to my past.

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March 9, 2022

sick

Yesterday I had some rest to cope with a burn out. Today a probably-fever was poofed on me by The Fates. I wasn't able to do anything today either. And my To-Do list is stacking up.

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March 15, 2022

..

Today was meh. I'll try doing something later.

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April 3, 2022

rest

Today was nice.

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April 4, 2022

today was not nice.

I'm slacking. And I'm feeling very meh today which I feel a few times every month. I generally just lose all my energy and everything and just become pessimistic and sensitive and I don't wanna do anything but not doing anything makes me feel worse while at the same time it comforts me. I don't know man. It'll be over soon. I need to be nicer to myself.

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April 9, 2022

meh

eh. I don't feel like writing.

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