#i'm gonna stay up all night till this is done because i am determined to get it finished tonight i think

[halfbit]

also forced to take a brief art break because i've officially drawn enough that my dominant hand screams at me if i try to pick up objects of any significant weight or exert force (suffering)

its nearly done though... don't look at the crystals or background too closely i haven't finished rendering those yet (he says while sending the lowest quality screenshot possible)

[sanity-is-overratedxp]

Please write a Adam milligan x (not hunter)reader(Adam never was trapped with lucifer) about the reader and Adam dating and the reader ends up pregnant and tells Adam and he says to get rid of the child( ps I'm pro life so it would be nice if the reader was to but if you don't want her to then I guess you can have the reader be pro choice but chooses to keep it) but she wants to keep it. She runs to dean and Sam and they talk to Adam and he begs the reader for forgiveness

Why?

A/N: I hope you like this and that it was what you were picturing! Btw thank you for asking for Adam! I feel like he doesn’t get enough love. (*Though he’s my favorite brother*) Don’t tell Sam or Dean! XP

Summary: What should’ve been the best day of your life turns sour.  

Warnings: Angst okay… this is full of angst. Language and Adam being a douche. but it ends happy okay! I couldn’t leave it sad…

Pairings: Adam x reader

Word Count: 2982 DAMN I’M ON FIRE RIGHT NOW XP

Sad Adam hurts my heart… someone love this man.

Why?

Your hands were shaking. This was the moment that you had been simultaneously dreading and looking forward too. You only had four minutes left till you knew for sure if you were pregnant or not. You had decided to do the test when Adam was at the grocery store. You were nervous about it but you knew you could handle it, with Adam by your side there wasn’t anything the two of you couldn’t do. You had been together for two years now and you couldn’t be happier.

You were more than a bit concerned though, you knew what Adam did for a living. Hunting the things that go bump in the night, it scared you thinking that he might not make it home to you because of his job. You had never known about all of this before him and you could never see yourself doing what he did. You knew the basics about salt and iron because Adam wanted you to be able to protect yourself. Thank god you hadn’t had to… yet.

All of a sudden you heard the alarm you set on your phone, the test was done. You walked over to the sink and picked up the test, your hands almost couldn’t hold it because they were shaking so badly. You opened your eyes and your heart stopped. You dropped the test…

It was positive.

You slid down the door behind you trying to breathe again. You had a baby growing inside you… you couldn’t believe it, you needed to talk to somebody and Adam wasn’t due home for another hour or so. You picked up your phone and dialed the first person you thought of. “Hey Sam…” You could hear him moving a few papers around. “Hey Y/N! Everything okay?” you didn’t know how to say it, so before you could chicken out you just blurted it. “Sam I’m pregnant. And the baby is Adam’s.” You could almost see the look of shock on his face.

“Y/N are you sure? What am I saying of course you’re sure or you wouldn’t be calling me. Wow… Does Adam know yet?” you couldn’t say anything. “I’m gonna take your silence as an answer, you need to tell him. And soon. The sooner you get this out in the open the better it will be in the long run.” You knew he was right. But you couldn’t help but be apprehensive about it. “You’re right Sam… I’m just a bit worried.” your hand went to your stomach. There was a life growing inside you right now… the knowledge seemed almost surreal. In about nine months you would be a mother. And that scared the shit out of you. “Sam what if I can’t do this? What if I’m not a good mother.” You were starting to hyperventilate, you didn’t know if you could do this after all. “Y/N stop it. You are going to be an amazing mother, I have never met a more kind, caring and loving woman than you. You have been Adam’s rock through everything and now it’s his turn to be your rock through this.”

You could feel your breathing regulating. Sam was right. You could do this, you and Adam could do this. As if he had been waiting for this moment you heard the door open. “Sam he’s home. I’ll call you back later when I’ve told him.” You stood up and fixed your hair. “Good luck Y/N. you’ve got this.” he hung up the phone. You wondered how to tell Adam, then decided on a very straightforward method. You grabbed the test and opened the door. “Y/N I’m home! Where are you?” you moved forward and stepped into his line of sight. “Hey Adam.” you walked forward but stopped before you got too close. “Y/N what’s wrong? You usually can’t stay away from me when I get home.” the look of concern on his face just made you more nervous. You didn’t know if you could do this. You almost said it like you did with Sam but your mouth was dry. You did the only thing you could think of, you opened the hand that had the test. Adam’s face went white, he took a step toward you and took the test out of your hand. He let out a shuddering breath, “How… how long have you know.” You could see the fear in his eyes. “I just found out.” he ran a hand down his face. “Okay, that means we caught it in time. We can be at the clinic in no time.” he looked at you with determination. “Adam what are you talking about? I have to set up an appointment with a Pre-natal care doctor. And that will take a couple days at least.” The look on his face was what told you. “You don’t… Oh my god. I’m not getting rid of this child Adam.”

“What are you talking about?!? Neither one of us is ready to be a parent!” he walked up to you and took your hands. “The only responsible thing we can do is to get rid of it.” you felt sick, you couldn’t believe your ears. The man you loved with all your heart wanted to get rid of your child. “Adam I can’t do that. There is a life growing inside me right now.” you took your hands from his. “I can’t do this. I’m going to have this child with or without you. It’s my decision not yours.” you watched as his eyes went cold. “If you have this child it won’t be here. This is my home and I don’t think I’m ready for a kid.” You looked at him in disbelief. He was serious, you made a choice in that moment. “Fine.” you turned around and walked to your bedroom. As you packed everything you heard him behind you. “Y/N what are you doing?” you were silent as you kept packing. “You’re leaving aren’t you.” you straightened your back and walked to the closet to grab your stuff in there and your other suitcase. “Okay then. I’m gonna go take a drive. If you have changed your mind by the time I get back we’ll go to the clinic.” you kept your head down as you felt the tears running down your face. “I love you Adam, But I’m not changing my mind.” you heard the door slam behind you and that’s when you broke. You had thought he would be happy about this. You didn’t know what to do. So you called Sam.

When he picked up you could hear Dean in the background. “Hey Y/N! How’d it go?” the question was innocent enough but you just broke, you were crying into the phone and you couldn’t stop even if you wanted to. “Y/N what’s wrong? Oh god. Don’t tell me… did he seriously? I’m gonna hurt him.” you couldn’t form any words, but all of a sudden you heard Dean on the line. “Y/N what did he say. I need you to tell me. Do we need to come get you?” you calmed down enough to say, “He want’s me to get rid of it.” you heard Dean swearing on the other end of the line. “Hey it’s gonna be okay. Me and Sam will be there in about an hour. Is there somewhere you can go in the meantime?” You had just finished packing. “Yeah I can go to a fast food place near here.” there was a McDonald’s within walking distance of you. “Okay, we’ll be there soon. It’ll be okay. Me and Sam can help you raise your kid.” you hung up the phone and picked up your bags. For the first time in a long time you didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. But now you knew Sam and Dean would be there to help you through it.

{{TIME SKIP FORWARD FIVE MONTHS}}

It had been a long road getting here. But you were finally ready to have this kid. The boys had all been amazing, helping you get the nursery ready and getting whatever you had been craving at the time. It still hurt that Adam wasn’t here for all of this but you knew that yours and his child would be well taken care of, you still loved Adam though and you wished he wanted you and your child. Dean had made sure that you were well taken care of while Sam had been more of the emotional rock for you, Cas was always there when you needed someone. It was as if they had all made a pact to protect you no matter what. You were about halfway through your pregnancy, and everything was going smoothly thanks to them.

One day you were in the kitchen cooking dinner like you usually did when you heard Sam call you from somewhere in the Bunker. “I’m in the kitchen Sam!” You could hear him as he made his way to the kitchen. “Hey Y/N… I have a question for you.” You were curious as to what could make the lumbering giant next to you so nervous. “Yeah? Shoot Sam.” he ran his hand through his chestnut hair and looked at you, “You mind stepping away from the stove for a second?” now you were a bit concerned. “Okay but I can’t be away for long or the chicken will burn and then your chicken alfredo will be gross.” you tried to get a laugh or smile out of him but he was very serious right now. “What’s wrong Sam?” he sighed and looked at you. “There’s no easy way to say this… Y/N Adam want’s to see you. He says he wants to talk.”

You had to sit down, after all this time he wanted to talk? It seemed to good to be true. “Sam are you serious?” he nodded. “Oh god… He wants to talk? Did he say what about?” you couldn’t believe it. “He said it was about the baby…” oh god… maybe you couldn’t do this. Last time you two talked about the baby you had moved in with the boys. Maybe this time he would say there was no hope for you two anymore. “Sam I don’t know if I can, what if he says there’s no hope for us anymore? I think that would break me.” Sam came over and hugged you, you melted into him. “I know you’re scared but I don’t think he would do that. He doesn’t seem like the type to hurt you like that, I think if that was what he was gonna say that he would just not reach out.” you saw the reasoning behind his statement and even though you were still worried it calmed you down a bit. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I can tell him you don’t want to see him.”

You thought about it. “No Sam. I need this.” he nodded. “Is he here?” Sam shook his head. “He’s on his way though. He’ll be here in an hour or so.” You drew in a shaky breath. You looked at him and smiled. You knew it was time, you would either close a door today or have the love you so sorely missed back in your life.

After you had all finished dinner you went to the library to wait for Adam. You were nervous, you kept fidgeting with your hands. You tried to calm your breathing. After a bit you could hear a familiar tread. Your heart sped up knowing he was this close. Your world came to a halt as soon as you saw his beautiful eyes. His face looked different, there were dark circles under his eyes and he looked like he had seen a ghost. You stood up but Sam came in between you two while Dean went up to Adam. Dean stood in front of him and said, “Brother or not Adam, you hurt her anymore than you have and I will knock you back on your ass faster than you can say “Sorry.” You got that?” Adam nodded. “Can I see her?” Dean looked back at you. “Dean, Sam can you give us the room?” they all looked at you surprised. “Are you sure Y/N?” Sam looked at you concerned. You nodded at him, “This is something I need to do on my own Sam.” the boys nodded and left the room reluctantly. You looked at Adam, “Alright. You have ten minutes to tell me what you came to say. Then I’m gonna walk through that door and you won’t hear from me again until I’m ready.” you were surprised at the confidence of your tone.

Adam swallowed and then he started speaking, “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness or the right to be involved in my child’s life, but I wanted to make sure you knew that I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry that I tried to make you get rid of the life that I helped create. I was just scared, scared that I was gonna be the same kind of father mine was. That life inside of you deserves only the best and I know that’s not me. I’m too fucked up…” he had started to cry at this point. The tears running down his face matched your own. He drew in a shuddering breath as he continued, “And bringing a child into my life? It’s dangerous. There is no guarantee that I’ll make it home most days, and I don’t wanna do that to my kid. I know this doesn’t excuse what I did, and no words can express how sorry I am. But I just had to try, I had to try to make you understand because I can’t live without you. I need you like I need air. You are the only thing in my fucked up life that makes me smile, and I can’t live another day without you.” he had slowly walked closer to you with every word, finally grabbing your hands as he finished. “Please Y/N… I need you.”

All you wanted right then was to forgive him and fall back into how you two were. But you needed to know one more thing, “I just need to know one thing…” He looked at you with so much sincerity in his eyes it hurt. “Anything.” he said. You steadied your nerves and your voice. “Why did it take you so long? Do you know how it felt for me? I lived these last few months thinking you didn’t love me anymore… thinking that I had lost the best thing that had ever happened to me. If it wasn’t for Sam and Dean I don’t know where I would be right now.” you could feel yourself losing control faster and faster as the tears ran down your face. “All I wanted was to forget everything, all the little things. How it felt waking up next to you, how it felt cooking breakfast in the morning together, how we would cuddle on the couch when we had a hard day, the times you would steal kisses as you passed or how you would interrupt me when I was talking by grabbing my face and kissing me with such passion that it made me dizzy. Every night I cry myself to sleep because I can still feel your arms around me. So I ask you. Why? Why the fuck did you wait?”

He looked at you with such sadness in his eyes, “I waited because I thought you would be better off without me.” you scoffed at that ready to turn around but he pulled you back, “Wait, I mean it. All my life every good thing has always been taken from me. I lost my mother and then I was killed by the thing that killed her. The angels brought me back but only to use me. If it wasn’t for Sam and Dean I don’t think I’d be here. Since then I have been so fucking scared of getting close to anyone, but you blew right past that. You broke down every single wall I had and made my life worth living again. But I hurt you, I couldn’t believe it. I hurt the most important person in my life in what should have been the best moment of our lives. So I tried to forget you so that you could have the life you deserved. But I couldn’t do it, you filled every waking moment of my life and even my dreams. So I had to try and win you back.”

You felt so overwhelmed, he wanted you like you wanted him. You couldn’t form the words you needed to tell him you forgave him, and you could see the light of hope leaving his eyes as every second passed. You felt him letting go of you, “I understand if you can’t forgive me. I just wanted to try.” He turned to walk away. This was it, you were going to lose him again because you couldn’t form a goddamn sentence to save your life. You couldn’t lose him again, so you did the only thing you could think of… you kissed him. You kissed him like your life depended on it, like he was going to disappear if you stopped. And when you finally pulled away for air you said, “Don’t go. I can’t lose you again.”

As you two held each other kissing away the other’s tears, you knew that even though it would never be the way it was… your lives would be better with each other. And when your child came, they would never have to worry about anything if it was in your power to stop it.

Tagging: @sebastianshoe @firebrand647 @bartallenisbae @katymacsupernatural If you wanna be tagged let me know! 

[starlabsforever-blog]

Ooo, I would love to see Killervibe and 21. “If you walk away, everything will fall apart.” Thank you!

21. “If you walk away, everything will fall apart.”

(This is also for the nonnie who requested the same one) 

Sorry this is a long one. The under 1000 drabbles couldn’t last long. It was inevitable, guys, I’m long-winded.

Set a little bit after the finale.

Caitlin glanced at her watch and drew in an anxious breath. Thirty minutes till boarding.

You are going to go through with this, she told herself sternly. You have to. You want to.

You have to want to.Even this late at night, the airport was full and busy- intercom messages and crying babies and the low murmur of chatter blended together in a stream of noise that made her head hurt. She hadn’t slept in… she wasn’t sure how long, and she certainly wasn’t going to be sleeping for the next five hours. She’d gotten better at controlling her powers without restraints, and she could sleep for short periods with minimal involuntary effects, but she was afraid that if someone startled her awake, she’d freeze them to death. Sleeping was not an option.

She hugged herself, feeling small in comparison to the vast uncertainty that loomed ahead. She had no idea where she was going. Her plane ticket said Phoenix, Arizona, but that was temporary. She’d picked Arizona because it was home to the five hottest cities in the country, but she was worried it had too many people. Instead of going somewhere hot enough that she wouldn’t be cold, she could go somewhere so cold that no-one would notice. Like Alaska. There were less people in Alaska. Arizona was just a pit stop; somewhere far enough away from home that she could collect herself and think of a long-term plan.

She hadn’t thought ahead of Arizona, because even though she knew that she needed to leave, the idea that she was leaving behind her life forever hurt more than she wanted it to. Leaving Julian and the Wests and the Steins and- Cisco, her heart hurt thinking about Cisco. He was the only reason that she hadn’t left a long time ago, before she’d ever had a chance to lose control. He was comfort and safety and the only thing that made her feel like herself. She’d let him convince her to stay, and look where that got them. H.R. was dead, Barry was gone, and the team was shattered. She needed to leave Central City before she hurt anybody else.

Caitlin was vaguely aware of someone sitting down next to her. She flinched away, like she usually did whenever anyone came near her. She let her hair fall in front of her face and contemplated moving seats.

“Wow, I don’t smell that bad,” the person next to her said, and her heart skipped and she snapped her head up. Cisco was sitting in the seat next to her, wearing jeans and a vintage Star Trek t-shirt under his black bomber jacket.

“Hey there,” he said, and half-smiled in a way that didn’t reach his eyes. “Fancy meeting you here.”

His eyes were probing and full of concern, and she suddenly wished she could throw herself into his arms and let him hug her and stroke her hair. She crossed her arms and turned to face him, establishing distance between them. “How did you find me?”

“You know. I got a vibe.” She raised her eyebrows. “Well. A vague one. So I hacked into your computer and restored your deleted search history by hacking into your browser’s cookies, which I’m not proud of, but, I had a feeling that you were up to something, and lo and behold…” He threw his hands out. “Here you are. Up to something.”

A weighted silence settled over them. She stared at Cisco and he stared back, eyebrows slightly raised as if he were waiting for her to say something. When she didn’t, he sighed, flinging down the gauntlet. “What is this, Caitlin? What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” Her voice shook. “I’m leaving. In thirty minutes.”

The corners of his mouth turned down. “Why?”

His eyes were big and brown and sympathetic, and she already felt her defenses crumbling. Leaving Cisco behind was hard enough when he was just a thought, a memory. Now that he was here, it felt impossible. “I don’t know. I figured the fact that I turned evil, aligned with our nemesis and got our friends hurt was reason enough.”

He looked at her with something between exasperation and incredulity. “Did you kill H.R.?”

“No, but-”

“Did you make Barry trap himself in the speed force?”

Caitlin huffed a little. “No, but he might not have had to if I hadn’t helped Savitar!”

“It would have happened anyway,” Cisco said. “Savitar was going to wreak his havoc with or without you. You can’t blame yourself for things that you didn’t do.”

She swallowed hard. “How about the things I did do?”

“That was her,” he dismissed. “Not you. You weren’t conscious.”

“Really?” Her voice trembled. “If I wasn’t conscious, then why do I remember trying to kill you?”

“You were under duress.” He reached out to put his hand on her shoulder and she flinched away. He stopped, clearly stung, and lowered his hand to his lap. “Come on, Caitlin, you didn’t want to kill me.” She stared back at him and he gulped. “Did you?”

Caitlin shook her head wildly. “Maybe. All I know was that I was in there the whole time. Killer Frost’s sins are mine.”

Cisco shook his head. “I don’t accept that.”

“Well, maybe you should,” she snapped. “Don’t tell me I wasn’t conscious, don’t tell me that wasn’t me, because I know more than you do. I know what I did, and I know how I felt, which is why I know that the best place for me is to be far away from all of you.”

His brow furrowed, eyes sad and serious. “Running away won’t make anything better.”

“No, but it might keep things from getting worse.”

“You can’t leave, now of all times.” He leaned forward. “I need your help holding up the fort. That’s what we’ve always done. If you walk away, everything will fall apart.”

“That’s not true.”

“You don’t know that, because you’re not the one whose best friend is skipping town!” Cisco’s bottom lip quivered and she had to look away. “Y’know, this is kind of a slap in the face after we fought for you.” He paused and shifted. “I fought for you. Does that mean anything to you?”

Caitlin looked away coldly. “You need to leave.”

“Nuh-uh. I’m going to use every second of the next-” he glanced at his watch. “-21 minutes to keep you from making this mistake. I’m not giving up on you any sooner than I have to.” Did he have to make this so difficult? Now she had a teary lump in her throat and her face was burning and it was too much.

She rose to her feet. “Fine. If you won’t leave, then I will. My plane’s boarding any minute now.”

“Twenty minutes,” he called after her. She walked away briskly, and waited to hear his footsteps echoing hers, but she didn’t. She glanced over his shoulder and realized he was gone, lost to the crowd. Her heart plummeted and she sunk into another chair. She attempted to compose herself, but now every time she thought about Phoenix, Arizona she saw Cisco’s face, sincere and determined and loving, and she felt sick.

Twenty. Nineteen, then eighteen, then seventeen minutes until she was leaving Central City behind. You have to do this, she told herself, but all she could think about was Cisco and she was even more torn than before.

Someone tapped her on the shoulder and she jumped, and then her hands felt cold and she was about to lose it, she was going to lose control again-

“Yo!” She snapped her head up and saw Cisco, holding a hand out in front of him. “Yo, it’s just me. Chill.” She glared at him witheringly. “Sorry, that was- that was bad.” He held out his other hand, which was holding a blue paper bag. “I brought you Cinnabon.”

She stared at the bag blankly. “Oh,” she said, and he slid into the seat next to her. He turned the bag over onto its side and fished out a white box. He held it out and she took it reluctantly. “If you think you can bribe me into staying with cinnamon rolls-”

“I know I can’t,” he said. “This is your last supper, not a bribe. If you’re gonna run off to-” He glanced at the electronic screen on the wall. “-Phoenix, and never come back, I want your last memory of me to be a quintessential Cisco and Caitlin memory. What’s more us than dessert after midnight?”

That made her want to cry all over again. “I’m not hungry.”

“Bull,” he said, and pried the box open for her.

She stared at the sugary, sticky mess as Cisco opened his own box. He dug into it, clearly starving. It smelled so good, but she felt faint and nauseous. She blew out a breath. “How can you still look at me?”

He swallowed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “What does that mean?”

She bit her lip. “How can you still look at me the same way after everything I’ve done?” He started to say something and she cut him off. “I know you’re going to say that it wasn’t me, but you don’t know that I'm still me. I don’t even know if I’m still me.”

“I know you are,” he said slowly, “because this? The- the running away and the crushing guilt and the worry that you’re hurting people? That is Caitlin Snow, doctor, healer, and this is how you react to things. You turtle. You try to hide away from everything that’s hurting you. You did it when Ronnie died, and you’re doing it now, and I would be the worst friend in the world if I let you get away with it.”

Caitlin clasped her hands together. “I think the title of worst friend in the world goes to someone who kills their friend.”

“Which you didn’t,” he pointed out, a little forcefully. She stared at her cinnamon roll. “Look, I can’t pretend that I know how you feel. What I do know is that you chose to come back. You took control.” He turned to face her, and they were so close that she could feel him breathing. “It doesn’t matter that you were in control when you were chaotic evil-ing through the city, because that’s not who you are.”She stared at him, willing herself not to cry. “I don’t know who I am. I’m not sure I’m Caitlin anymore.”“That’s okay,” Cisco said softly. She studied his eyes and found nothing but sincerity. “But whoever you are, you’re a good person. If you can’t believe that right now, I will believe it for you.”

Her eyes stung and she ducked her head, letting her hair cover her eyes like a blonde waterfall. “I don’t know,” she said in a tiny voice. “I feel like I can’t go back.” He started to say something and she sat up straighter. “Please let me finish. I know you all forgive me, but I don’t, and that needs to come first. I need to find some kind of peace with myself.”

His eyes looked sad, but he nodded. “I get that. I do. Just one thing- why are you so sure that you’ll find peace in Arizona?” She ducked her head. “Hey, would you look at me?” She turned her face to him but didn’t quite meet his eyes. “I hear you, and I get it, I do. You need space. I just don’t want you to do something you might regret.” His brow crinkled intently. “Just- think about it first, because I think you’ll find it’s a lot harder to come back than it is to leave.”

She stared at him. He held her gaze. Overhead, the intercom announced that Flight 695 to Phoenix was boarding in ten minutes.

Cisco was watching her, and let out a breath that he’d been holding. “Listen. Whoever you are now, I still love you.” She glanced at him quickly. His face was composed, but his throat was contracting, like he was trying not to cry. “That’s never going to change. No matter who you are, you will always have a home with me.” He stood up and watched her, like he was waiting for her to say something, to say anything. She tried to find the words, but she came up empty.

Cisco touched her shoulder, and she didn’t flinch this time. “Take care of yourself, Cait.” His voice was suddenly thick and husky. “I hope Arizona is good to you.” He stood up and started to walk away.

Caitlin stared at the uneaten cinnamon roll in her hands, and something snapped into place. “Wait!” He stopped in his tracks and looked at her, eyes questioning. She rose to her feet and swallowed, hard.

“I canceled my lease on my apartment,” she said randomly.

He stared at her. “What?”

She swallowed. “What I mean is… I don’t have anywhere to stay.”

“In Phoenix?” he asked, and looked away, like he was trying not to think about it.

Caitlin shook her head and took a deep breath. “No. Here.”

Cisco’s face flooded with comprehension, and then relief, and then something so strong and pure that it made her chest ache, because she still wasn’t sure she deserved it. She looked into his eyes, and she didn’t want to run away anymore. She still wanted to cry, but now all she wanted was to throw herself into his arms. She took a deep breath. “I can’t promise that I won’t leave eventually. But you’re right, I should… I should sleep on it.”

His mouth was open slightly like he didn’t quite believe what he was hearing. “Okay.” He made a movement like he was about to wrap his arm around her shoulder, and then stopped himself. A dam in her chest broke and she flung herself into his arms. He froze for a split second, and then his arms closed around her, cradling her against his chest. He was so warm and she was so cold and she was scared to be touching him, but it also made her feel safe. She buried her face in his hair- he smelled like sweat and salt and grease and she never wanted to let go.

He pulled away, but still held her by her shoulders. “We should get you home,” he said quietly, and she saw that his eyes were wet. “You need to sleep.”

“So do you,” she said, and put her arm across his shoulders, just to be touching him. He closed his eyes for a second, melting against her touch, and then opened his eyes again.

“This isn’t about me,” he said. “But I need you to know-” He cut himself off and shook his head.

She tilted her head at him. “What?”

Cisco looked down at her. “I need you,” he said. “That doesn’t mean you have to stay. You can go wherever you need to for as long as you need to, but you should know that.” He swallowed, hard. “In case you were looking for a reason to stay.”

Caitlin nodded and took his hand silently. Even though she felt more uncertain than ever, she knew she was safe. She wasn’t sure who she was, but she did have a home. She had him.

She could let that be enough for now.

[shamelessllamapeanutthing]

My MatchaBlossom playlist

Here's the link to the playlist on Spotify-

Song meanings and POVs elaborated on down under.

Call it what you want- Taylor Swift

(Let's start with a TS song cause why tf not. I am and always will be a total slut for her 💜)

Okay, just the general vibe of this song is that of a person who's been through a bit and has now found a love so beautiful it's helping them heal and I feel like that ties in so well with Cherry and Joe's entire arc. I hear this song in Cherry's POV when Joe's affection is starting to restore his faith in love and life after Adam's done fucked it all up. Or even when his anxiety gets really fucking bad or whatever. It's just got big comfort vibes and I am a total whore for Cherry acknowledging and appreciating everything that Joe does for him.

All my flowers grew back as thorns,

Windows boarded up after the storm,

He built a fire just to keep me warm.

Explosion- Zolita

PINING JOE PINING JOE PINING JOE

*ahem* let me be more articulate.

TEENAGED PINING JOE

Don't call me about him I don't wanna hear

Put him out of your mind just make him disappear

Stop pretending you got nothing left to hide

My memory is slipping and it's killing me alive

Reached the bitter end

Can't pretend I'm not in love with my best friend, my best friend

Hate that you know me- BLEACHERS

Okay I think this song fits Cherry very well, especially when he is still trying to understand his dynamic with Joe. My personal headcanon is that Cherry is prone to bouts of self-hatred because of his anxiety and consequently, doesn't always consider himself deserving of Joe's love, and so, he tends to dislike it at times when Joe seems to understand him better than others and anticipate his needs so well, and I feel like this song depicts that beautifully.

Sometimes I hate that you know me so well (so well)

Sometimes I, I hate that you know me so well (and I hate ya)

Some days I, I wish that I wasn't myself (No)

No luck! (No)

And I hate that you know me so well

Heart attack- Demi Lovato

Okay, I can not be the only person who thinks of teenaged Cherry every time this song comes on. Imagine a Cherry who's flabbergasted by the strength of his feelings for Joe, and can never figure out what to do with himself.

Never break a sweat for the other guys

When you come around, I get paralyzed

And every time I try to be myself

It comes out wrong like a cry for help

It's just not fair; pain's more trouble than love is worth

I gasp for air; it feels so good, but you know it hurts

Lover- Taylor Swift

I have a very specific scene in mind when it comes to this song and that is MatchaBlossom slow-dancing in the first house they get together.

We could let our friends crash in the living room

This is our place, we make the call

And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

Make you mine- PUBLIC

You knew this song was going to end up on here lol.

Strangely enough, aware as I am of the fact that most of the fandom believes Joe was the one chasing Cherry (and I agree) this song just hits me as all Cherry's. It has all of his characteristic dogged determination and refusal to admit defeat lol

Well, I have called you darlin' and I'll say it again, again

So kiss me 'til I'm sorry, babe, that you are gone and I'm a mess

And I'll hurt you and you'll hurt me and we'll say things we can't repeat

Mess is Mine- Vance Joy

Slightly older, mellowed out MatchaBlossom, starting to realise they're in this together for the long run, that they always have been.

Further I feel like verse 1 and 2 respectively follow Joe and Cherry's POVs

First we have Joe, who is just brimming with the realisation that Cherry is his for good.

Talking like we used to do

It was always me and you

Shaken up and shipping out

Check me in and check me out

...

Hold on my darling

This mess was yours, now your mess is mine

Secondly, we have Cherry, who considers himself unbelievably lucky to have been considered worthy of Joe's love and keeps wondering if he is half as good a partner to the other man as he is to him.

See you in the market place

Walking around at 8 AM

Got two hours before my flight

Luck be on my side tonight

You're the reason that I feel so strong

The reason that I'm hanging on

You know you gave me all that time

Did I give enough of mine

More than Friends- BEKA HONNE

Baby MatchaBlossom pining. Really sweet, soft vibes. I keep thinking of shy, unsure junior high school Kaoru and Kojiro suddenly becoming blushing, stuttering messes around each other for a period of time as they both hit the realisation that they'd very much like to be kissing each other and it's very much not a Friend™ thing.

It happens after Joe has freshly realised that he is bi after all and Kaoru is exactly what he needs. Again, verse one reminds me of Joe, verse two of Cherry. They are down under respectively.

Driving home and those cats eyes got me seeing you

I'm always seeing you

I don't know how to tell you that I was wrong before

I thought I needed more

I was wondering if we could talk

I think about you every day

And the mixtape you made

Is all I ever to play

And every song reminds me that

You and I

Should be more than friends

...

I never thought I would see your face at my door again

Not at 3 AM

And I don't know just why I wasn't enough before

I thought you needed more

I know you came here to talk

Can't listen to the tape I made

It brings me too much pain

Cause every song reminds me that

You and I

Should be more than friends

This song can also work if you reverse the POV orders and then see it post Adam, but the vibe is a lil too soft for that.

Night go slow- Catey Shaw

MatchaBlossom but in a chill, lo-fi aesthetic.

The cars all stop where they are

When you take my hand, there is no time

Every moment that passes by with you

I wish I could rewind

Let go of your ways

And forget today

Just follow me tonight

Do you understand why I put all my plans on hold?

Not Afraid Anymore- Halsey

Okay, this one goes a lil heavy but imagine a traumatised Cherry, ya know after Ad*m, finally learning to let himself go and feel things again, emotionally and sexually, with Kojiro.

I also feel like they are two kinky bastards so really if you only wanna interpret it like that be my guest.

I am not ashamed anymore

I want something so impure

You better impress now, watching my dress now fall to the floor

Crawling underneath my skin, sweet talk with a hint of sin

Begging you to take me

Devil underneath your grin, sweet thing

But she play to win, heaven gonna hate me

People Crying Every Night- A R I Z O N A

I hear this song as Joe trying to get through to a hesitant Cherry, trying to make him see that while they don't get a say in so many other things, things that have happened and things that will happen, they get to choose the life they have together. They get to pick out their happy ending, build one out of scratch with each other and even if they have nothing else, at least they have this.

Oh and as the day

Turns into night

The things that we can't say

The things we try to hide

Like everyone else

We can't choose the way we die

Oh but we can choose

The way we live tonight

Oh I wish I had the answers

I wish I had the time

To give you all the reasons

Why it's worth it down the line

Ready to go- NEFFEX

This song is an ✨ aesthetic ✨

Okay but imagine, young, punk! MatchaBlossom, maybe around the time when they're travelling the world together?

It's all hot and heady, and Joe is thrilled by the wild, wild force of nature Kaoru is. He can't do anything but give in.

She said stay for a minute

Play with my limits

Drink till we're sinnin'

Baby I'm ready to go

...

She said she's finally alive

When she starts losing control

I said I know what to do

Just let our bodies go

Shine a Light- BANNERS

Another Kojiro song. This one reflects his inner struggle as he feels torn between wanting to comfort and protect Cherry after Adam, and the fact that he is hopelessly in love with Cherry who inadvertently keeps hurting him with how he is lost in the huge web of feelings he can't parse through, not completely blind to how much Kojiro loves him but not fully realising it either. This song reminds me of a confused and helpless Kojiro. Loving Kaoru is such an integral part of him that it makes him, him and it is his constant in the rapidly changing world around him as he stands on the brink of adulthood. He is very nearly ready to beg for mercy and yet knows he, himself is saved by the love he has for Kaoru.

And when the night falls, oh, call on me

Just don't forget to show me some mercy

Ooh, say you're mine

Ooh, take me higher

Sleepover- Hayley Kiyoko

JOE PINING @ HOMOEROTIC SLEEPOVERS WITH YOUR B(est)F

You wanna be friends forever?

I can think of something better

I'm just feeling low, feeling low

Sleeping here right next to me

But will you ever mess with me?

No

Thank you, my twilight- the pillows

Listen, this has been my fav classic Japanese love anthem for so long and to think it is PERFECT for Matchablossom just makes my heart go 💞

The lyrics are heart-wrenchingly raw and real, which is great reflection of Joe and Cherry's relationship. I include a translation of a few verses below, the first one seems something snatched straight out of Joe's internal monologues and the second one depicts the breathless intensity and loyalty so typical of Kaoru:

If you think it looks like I'm waiting for someone

Then you're right

I've been waiting for you

...

Sometimes people will ask me

"How far will you go for her?"

BABY as far as it takes

Wings- HAERTS

Another song depicting Cherry healing from Adam and learning to accept Joe's love, but a fluffier and sweeter way to go about it.

In which, Cherry decides to separate all of the sweeter moments of his and Joe's days with Adam from all of the bitterness, and carry that in his heart after they part ways and he finally moves on.

I will never let you go

I know you want it, know you want it

Learning love means not to know

I'll learn to take it,

Would you mind- PRETTYMUCH

Ending this post with a fluffy, flirty rec that could be Joe's anthem. See for yourselves.

Say you don't catch feelings, you say you ain't the love type

I'ma have to work, then, uh the whole night

Nothing like your ex, no, this ain't what you used to

Just give me that chance, girl, uh, won't lose you

See it? ;) Also, I feel like Joe had typical frat boy taste in music at some point so