#i'm gonna be so honest with u i got kinda Lazy with this but like......... holds him up

[idolpyre]

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ THE IDOL .

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀one night they're serenading a stadium full of fans, and the next morning their hotel room is filled with nothing but blood and carnage. it's incredible how quickly it can all slip out of your control, how all of it can fall away like dominoes. the authorities never truly found out what happened behind the closed doors of no spin's hotel room, the four younger members slaughtered like sacrificial lambs while their leader had purely just up and vanished. the most widely accepted theory was that minjun had been the one that killed them and fled the scene — but that still led questions to where exactly had he gone ? how had he just disappeared into thin air ? it was almost like he'd fallen off the face of the earth.

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀there is truth in this statement — for after the sacrifice of his members, minjun had been plucked from the entity to do her bidding in an eternal game of cat and mouse in the fog. THE IDOL is a close range killer wielding a SWORD featured in no spin's CUT THRU U performance — once believed to be a stage prop until swung at a survivor to prove it's authenticity.

★ HEX: DEAR LEADER — a hex rooting itself in leadership. hex: dear leader takes effect when the first survivor is injured in a trial, and anybody who tries to heal the survivor will face cursed skill checks. cursed skill checks are dark red and hinder progression, and failing these skill checks will expose both survivors for 15 / 20 / 25 seconds. the injured survivor cannot heal themselves by any means, and is the only one capable of cleansing this totem.

★ TINNITUS — performing for roaring crowds without your in - ears has caused almost irreparable damage, leaving you on the harder side of hearing. when a survivor stuns or blinds you, their audio is muted for 6 / 7 / 8 seconds.

★ SASAENG — you always were intrigued by those fans and what they were willing to endure to get close to you. as long as the obsession is hooked, all other survivors in the trial suffer the broken status effect until the obsession is saved.

[angelpuns]

Since u want it Ranting anon will do their thing (Btw I use any pronouns so dw about gendered terms :D) and rant! So I'm gonna talk about executive dysfunction because that an be useful to know for pretty much anyone! So executive dysfunction is the way your brain works, specifically the executive functions lol, don't work the way they should. The three main things that are kinda "messed up" in a sense are your cognitive flexibility (ability to go from one task to the next,) your inhibition control (ability to control what you do, say and thing,) and your working memory (your ability to remember things regarding a task your doing for the duration of the time your doing that task, like short-term memory)

So the cognitive flexibility thing is the most noticed one because it makes it hard to do things like taking care of yourself or actually completing a task. The best way I've seen it described was by this one person on tiktok who compared it to trying to touch a stove or climb down from a tree, even if logically you know its safe something in you just won't let you do it. It's like that but for simple things, it tends to stunt your ability to gain habits because something that you could do easily one day all of sudden you can't bring yourself to do today while you have a voice in the back of your head telling you that it's easy and that your pathetic for not doing it. The reality is that it isn't easy, you could have everything set up for you, all you had to do was push a button but because you were already stuck on one task you can't switch over to hitting that button. It's not you deciding to not do something, it's your brain not letting you actually do that thing.

That also ties into the inhibition control, your brain might let you do one thing super easy, or actually make you do that thing but it wont let you do something else, it's not something you can control in the slightest because it's literally just how your brain works. You aren't being lazy, it's honest to god hard for you to actually start doing that thing. Once you actually start its the easiest thing ever, it's just actually switching to starting that task that feels impossible (again, cognitive flexibility).

The working memory thing is actually working on a task, maybe you were going to write an essay but you got distracted reading and spend 12 hours on that and then had to rush your essay but you also forgot to turn it in because you were thinking about what you were reading. Another thing connected to that is actually starting a task, it can be hard to start it when you can't imagine the end product, that's because if you don't have something in your memory that you can follow, something you've done before so you have something to re-stash into that working memory category you can't really figure out how to do and we repeat back to cognitive flexibility (at least that's what I've noticed with myself, if I don't have knowledge on how to do something, a format to follow, I can't do it.) There are a lot of examples for all of these and these are sort of just what I've figured out myself, I may not have explained it the best so I suggest doing your own research if this is a topic that interests you!

I got all my information, for the most part, from the Cleveland Clinic website, I will share more when I figure out how to put what I mean into words, hope this helps with any struggles if you were confused about something and found this related to you <3 There is a lot more to executive dysfunction but this is already very long and I will get into that another time! >:3 (Btw, again, this might not be 100% accurate so again if you really want to, do your own research but I will share what I find once I have more info!)

OOOOOOH INTERESTING!!!!!!

I am downloading all of this into my brain thank you! The working memory thing is so relatable, I literally have done the Sims 4 thing where I walk into a room ( while thinking of something else) and then forget what I was doing and then i go back and remember and then I forget again and it's like the longest memory loop ever.

[lostmykeysie]

Hi Keysie!! I stayed up until 2 am last night to read the last chapter and I loved it!! Everything you write is amazing and I really like what you do with the characters! I just have a couple of questions I hope you can answer!! Are we going to see Regulus as a professor? Please tell me is a good one! I know you kinda swapped him for Snape but tell me he is nothing like him as a professor! Please i need him to be good to the kidsss!! Also, some scene with Regulus and baby Harry wouldn't hurt us (with James kinda drooling in the background) i daresay... kidding, just wondering if that is something we will see in the future? the last one, i promise... are Regulus and Lily ever goona be friends or is there just too much baggage for that to happen? Thank you for everything and so sorry for the long ask... i just love your work and i'm still manifesting for you to reach the Christmas chapter on time!! love u <333

hi babe!!!!!!

this is very cheeky i hope it wasn't a school night (i do this way too often on a school night let's be honest i am a hypocrite) and thank you so much you sweet little thing xxxxxxxxxx

WE ARE going to see reg as a professor!!!!!! fantastic question and i am so glad you asked it because i checked my outline and realised i had forgotten to include it properly so you have saved my life thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cannot wait to write him teaching, he is absolutely a fantastic professor he is nothing like snape (boo!) and you will definitely see him teaching sometime soon though it might not be until the december chapter at the earliest, i need to sort out my plan!!!!

so i am getting to this so late so i hope the tiny glimpses we got of harry in chapters nine and ten curbed your reg and baby haz appetite a little!!!!! i would like harry to be more involved but (as i said in my last? ask) i know so little about babies that i have been avoiding it a little out of sheer laziness!!!!!!!!

oh god i am so sorry i'm clearly so late with this because by now we all know i absolutely did not meet my christmas deadline hahahaha but thanks for the manifestation baby i'm gonna need it again at some point i know i will!!! again i hope chapter nine with lily and regulus was okay!!!!!!!!! i think where they are now when they've broken the ice and can more than happily interact in a group setting is just early days, i think of them being pretty similar in some ways so i definitely want them to carve out their own friendship together.... we will get there :) i think that will start to show in the december chapter... no spoilers!!!!

thank you for the long ask it was wonderful xxxxxxxxx have a wonderful day darling xxxxxx sorry it took me so long i am barely a functioning member of society xxxxxxxxxxx

[z-eddsworld]

Do u have any gender identity/sexuality headcanons for the main 4?

I honestly haven't thought too much into gender/sexuality for the bois besides the usual "Oh they at least use he/him pronouns and leans in some way towards girls" But uhh for the sake of content Ima make some up rn: -Tom doesn't know what a gender is so he kinda just copied whatever Edd picked -Matt no matter what gender is the prettiest person there and will conform to no ugly bros about what he wearing -Tord like woman -Edd is the kinda person who'll openly be gay/straight or whatever and make everyone question his sexuality and then he'll deny EVERYTHING, but at the end of the day Matt, Tom and Tord simply don't care -They're all stupid and cant conform to gender stereotypes if they were told how to -Matt got his gender online - If any of the four said out of nowhere they might be queer and other three wouldn't bat an eye..... unless it was Tord but like honestly look and that man and tell me that if he suddenly went "women are so hot I wanna be one" you wouldn't be a little like "oh yeah haha" before the whole "wait what?" phase. -Edd got his gender from his mom on his first b-day and has been too lazy to check and renew it Ok that's it.. I'm gonna be honest- the rest of my thoughts just boil down to gender non-conforming stuff.. Uhh I hope you enjoy?

[lipshinee]

salutations! may i request headcanons w/ the demon bros about a (platonic, if ur willing) s/o who's an intergalactic bounty hunter??? kinda like in cowboy bebop? if you don't know what i'm referring to, a super talented swords(wo)man is fine too. i wish you luck on ur blog!!!

Soo I tried to search the intergalactic bounty hunter thing but got super confused, so I ended up with the latter option, hope that’s okay!! I hope it’s not too short. Made it platonic since u seemed to prefer it so here u go. ♡

HC where MC is a talented swordswoman

Lucifer

When he first saw you he thought you’d be a boring human. Your small and skinny posture wasn’t enough to catch the demon’s attention. However when he noticed the sword you brought with you that’s when he started getting curious.

You definitely earned his respect when he saw you practicing a few days later. He was very surprised to see a human being this talented and was relieved to know you were able to protect yourself in the Devildom.

Sometimes he’d stare at you from afar to see how you were doing and help you out when needed. Although he would never admit it but he felt like he was the one learning new things from your talent.

Mammon

To be honest, you did scare him a bit when he saw the way you were swinging your sword with such ease. He would tone down the insults of you being a ‘mere human’; because who know what you might do to him with that sword when he wasn’t looking?

One day you went out with your sword to practice outside when a demon started teasing you and approaching you dangerously. Mammon was with you but didn’t pay attention at first, when he did notice you were already threatening that demon with your weapon. It didn’t seem to scare him that much so Mammon came to your rescue. Still, he was so amazed that you had the balls to do something so dangerous.

Nonetheless, he would still do everything in his power to protect you because you were his human. You told him multiple times you were fine on your own but he’d shrug and answer : « So what?! Ya think I’m gonna leave you alone because you have that stupid sword? You got another thin’ coming!! »

Leviathan

He didn’t even care when he heard a human was going to live in their house. However when he discovered from Lucifer that you were a swordswoman, you were suddenly worth his attention.

You seemed so cool to him when you were practicing and he even mumbled to himself : « At least that normie seems interesting. » You looked like you came straight out of a video game and he was a bit envious of that.

When you two got closer, he’d come to you blushing and ask you if you could teach him a thing or two with the sword. You always giggled and gladly handed him your sword as you taught him the correct posture.

Satan

He read a thing or two about the art and knew it was quite complicated to deal with something that can be so heavy. He didn’t believe it at first because you were so small and didn’t think you would be able to even lift it.

However he was quickly shut down when you practiced in front of him. Since then he started reading as much as possible about it so he could give you advices, you were very thankful about how supportive he was of your passion.

Satan even emptied a room for you to exercise in so you wouldn’t have to constantly go out. He knew how much space it required so he wanted to give you a hand. When he showed you the room you gave him a big hug, you were at a loss of words in front of such affection.

Asmodeus

Asmo definitely was startled by your talent but he didn’t give it much thought. After all, those kind of things weren’t in his interest. He still liked seeing you training every day and would always come with a towel in his hand, removing the sweat from your forehead.

You got hurt one day and he came rushing to you with a worried look on his face. « Are you alright dear? Stay here! I’ll bring a first aid kit. » No matter how much you assured him you were fine, he wouldn’t budge. After bringing the kit, he started bandaging your wrist and talked to you so you could forget the pain.

For the next few days, he would pout whenever he saw the bandage. He made you promise that you would be more careful and stopped you from practicing for a whole week. « Your wrist is still hurting! Why don’t we take care of your skin instead? »

Beelzebub

Just like Satan, he’s very supportive of your passion from the very beginning. An absolute sweetheart, he always compliments about how talented you are and no one could compare to you. When you had your downs, he was the one to comfort you to make you feel better.

Always brings you a bottle of water and a few snacks once you’re done. Well, the snacks are still there if you don’t take too long. « Sorry MC, I brought you a bag of chips, but my stomach got the better of me... » You didn’t really mind, you knew the avatar of Gluttony wasn’t one to control himself around food.

After a day worth of hard work, he always lends you a shoulder so you can get a bit of rest. Which you gladly take, you always end up so tired and he can see it. He’s only glad he can help in his own way.

Belphegor

Much like Asmodeus, it isn’t really his field of interest. When you guys met he couldn’t care less, but once you got closer he liked laying in the floor while watching you practicing until he fell asleep.

You would try to teach him a few things with the sword but he’d fall on the floor and scowl. « It’s too much work when I could just do absolutely nothing! » You rolled your eyes at his laziness, but gave up after a few more failed tries.

He wouldn’t do much but his simple presence in the room was enough for you to understand his support.

[guigz1-coldwar]

'An familiar face': New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"An familiar face"

Chapter Summary : Yirina is getting to work with Zasha & Park on some transmissions from the KGB....but an old face brings back old fears....

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3300

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Moscow.....It's been an long time I didn't step in here and I don't think I would like to stay here too much, a feeling that I'm sure that Zasha is sharing with me even if we are no longer alone with Park, Garrett, Greta & now Mason, Woods and I can say Song too....not Hudson however....guy's an dick, why I would be happy to see his face around all day ? Me & Zasha were like in the good old 'Motherland' and it's sure that we really want to have Portnova back quickly before we left the country behind us and maybe never think about it again.

But since we got nothing on Portnova except for her presence in Moscow, our trip here is gonna last more than usual. Garrett & Greta decided to provide help to Woods's group and also helping us for an bit, acting like intermediaries between the two groups and that was meaning that only me, Park and Zasha will be entirely focused on Portnova while Woods and his team would do their own business at their side. Since Portnova is still an KGB agent and we're in the middle of the USSR, it's better that we stay an low number on her.

Woods gave us an small workplace inside the warehouse and to be honest, even if it was small, it was enough for the three of us. An simple desk that we were sharing with Park & Zasha and on it, the necessary materials to decrypt transmissions. Next to the desk, a free wall was used for us to put pictures for our work as we didn't have any dashboard, the main one getting used by the others. But even with that, we had to wait an large part of the day until the beginning of the night before Garrett managed to find for us the means to intercept the KGB transmissions from the city.

With that intel, me & Zed started to work on the first transmissions we succeded to intercept from the KGB since Perseus is infiltrated everywhere. Of course, Park was there to assist and at the same time, we make her learn of our work as the KGB was using my code to be certain, meaning that either someone learned of my code or it was Portnova herself and only her.

"Wow, I can say that your code is kinda hard to decrypt." Park said, astonished as she was trying to decrypt an transmission me & Zasha make for her as a training exercice as we were both working on separates real ones. The transmissions we intercepted before were able to give us some intels about the KGB's activities in the city but nothing to help us with Portnova...everything was beneficying Woods's team in reality.

"It took years of training to create something like that." I told her as I drop my pen that I used back on the table, next to the paper I was decrypting to look at her. "And if you're talented enough, you can break it in an very short time." I added, tapping with my index finger on the paper, with an smile.

"Seems that cryptography is written in your veins." She remarked, grinning at me as she moved her chair closer to me.

"Well, I don't remember exactly where did all of this start to be something for me but yeah, I can say that." I exclaimed, not wanting to brag about myself before I turned around to look at Zasha. "What about you, Zed ?" I asked.

"Uhm ?" They moaned as they were focused on working, my question breaking them away from decrypting the transmission they were busy on. "You want to know how I learned cryptography ?" They demanded and we nodded to them as they weren't listening entirely to us. "Well, it was always something I wanted to do before I entered the Soviet army in the 10th Hichaurskiy Detachment as a border trooper." They started to reply, putting their pen down to take their cup of coffee in hands.....it was the fourth cup of coffee in the day....

"And after that, you joined the KGB, if I remember ?" I chuckled, remembering the very first memory I got back when I met Zasha in my old office....it was like one of my first memories.

"Exactly." They took an sip of their coffee before looking back at us. "You maybe wonder how I met Yirina ?" They looked at Park, knowning that it was maybe an question that she was asking herself since she learned of Zasha's existence.

"Well, I was wondering that." Park put her arm on the desk and holding her head with it, looking curious to Zasha.

"To start, Perseus did wanted to put an test to every KGB cryptographer except for Yirina : we have to break an code in an short amount of time and I was the first one to do this." They affirmed, confirming the memory I got....they really did this in an short time. "Yirina chosed me & since, we were like best friends." I smiled at them as they put their cup down, breathing with their mouth close. "She's the only one in the KGB alongside Portnova who wasn't troubled by what I am." They added, making me make an friendly tap on their shoulder.

"And in here, we all proud of what you are, Zed." I affirmed, making them smile before I looked at Park who agreed about my statement.

"I agree at 100 % about what Yirina just said." She exclaimed, sure of her words as Zasha grinned before they mimicked the same position as Park.....well, they were looking very curious, with an question in their mind.

"Tell me of something....." They started. "When the two of you has started to date ?" At hearing this, I looked at Park, almost blushing about it....could say that it was an risky question to ask us.

"Uhm..." I bit my lips, rolling my eyes away as I wasn't so sure of talking about. "It was back in an old CIA safehouse to say." I put my eyes on Park and her eyes went wide before she knew it was too late to back down.

"Yirina was the one to do the first step." Park put her hands on my shoulders as I was looking at Zasha who was grinning about learning of that. "We kissed in the darkroom of the place and since, we're together."

"If we don't count the fact that I was in an coma." I added.

"Yeah, if we don't count that." Park whispered before I could feel her arms getting wrapper around my shoulders. "She's making me more happy since she came back into my arms."

"Me too." I affirmed as I touch her arms with my hands, smiling as Zasha was looking at us....we were like acting like two teenagers in love before we moved back to our former positions, still blushing from that. "Well, those transmissions are not going to get decrypted themselves." I breathed and then we were back to work.

Having Park & Zasha at my side working with me.....it was so wonderful for me, it was like more Park getting accepted by Zasha like I was accepted by her friends and that was so cool, it make me feel more alive. After that friendly moment, we were back focused on the transmissions that we were on and for an first, it was looking like we could start to have something that could help us to save Portnova from Perseus.

Apparently, the KGB is suspecting one of their owns to have some 'differents opinions' and by luck, that person is working inside Portnova's team since some times even if the proofs are still unclear. This person did became an target for us and what Zasha was decrypting gave us more infos about that person : name's Lukas Ritter, an former East-German pilot of the LSK that was transferred to the KGB thanks to his cryptography skill after an mission that did go wrong. That was the only thing we got from him.

After that, I took the transmissions we just decrypted as Park was still working on her exercice, to hook them on the wall we were using as an dashboard. Once I was done, I was ready to move until my eyes fell on the picture of Perseus himself and I couldn't remove them from it before I closed my eyes....trying to think.

I found myself back into the old safehouse in West-Berlin as I was near the dashboard, putting on it some of my work I have done to trying to decrypt the old Operations Chaos that was organized by an rogue CIA agent called Robert Aldrich. As I was finished to put everything I've got, I was ready to move until I found something weird hooked to the dashboard, just below the files about the operation that we just did in Ukraine.

It was an sort of an keychain with an mysterious man on it with the inscription 'Burger Town' that was like holded by this little figurine hand. I took it in my hand very curious about it until I fell a hand on my left shoulder.

"I could see that you find Bubby." I turned my head around to see Lazar standing next to me with an smile.

"Buddy ?" I whispered, looking back at the keychain.

"No, Bubby." Lazar corrected me. "B-U-B-B-Y." He added as I rolled my eyes to him.

"Laz', I know, no need to spell me the word." I exclaimed, making him laugh an little as me I was still curious about something. "Why did it end up here ?" I asked.

"Oh, Woods found it when you, Park, Mason & him walked through the fake Burger Town restaurant in that base in Ukraine." He responded, taking an look at the keychain. "Woods claimed that it was maybe filled with russian intels."

"And ?" I raised an eyebrow

"In here, we all know that it isn't true because Woods loves Burger Town, especially Bubby." Lazar added as he tap with his hand on my shoulder in an friendly way.

"So, we can remove it from the dashboard ?" I suggested as it was just an simple keychain from an american fast food.

"No, you're crazy !" Lazar faked an incomprehension, looking scared. "Woods is gonna kill us all if Bubby isn't here." I looked at the keychain, wondering who would kill for this before I took a deep breath.

"Fine." I said in an lazy voice as I put back the keychain at its place. "If we don't want to get us all killed by an onion." I scoffed, making me & Lazar laugh an little.

"Yeah, it's better." He affirmed as he looked around to see no one. "Hey....did you tell Park about your feelings ?" He asked discreetly and I shook my head. "You told me that you will do it today."

"I'm not...in the right mood, okay ?" I expressed, biting an small part of my lips as I look at him. "I'm gonna tell her later."

"You will." He poked at me before he could see Adler coming in. "We'll talk later then." He then removed himself from me, leaving me alone next to the dashboard as Adler was coming back to get to me.

"So, you finished to talk with Lazar ?" He asked me in an harsh tone, arriving next to his desk.

"Yes." I simply replied as I was looking back to the dashboard and not at him before my eyes fell on the only Perseus picture we had on the safehouse and I was like hypnotized by it for about a lot of seconds

"You know, those transmissions aren't going to get decrypted themselves if you're continuing to stare at this picture." Adler remarked as he move to get next to me

"I know but this face...." I started as I put my hands on my waist, this picture was like talking to me, hearing his voice through my ears and it was strange....very strange...."It's looking so familiar to me." I whispered in an low voice.

"You're kidding ?" Adler scoffed as he was taking an cigarette from his pocket to light it up as I was serious in my voice.

"No...it seems that....I know this man....I don't know how but something's off about me." I exclaimed sure about my words as I continue to look at Perseus's picture.

"You must be tired, kid." Adler said in an lazy voice before he move, feeling his left hand on my right shoulder before he took a deep breath to speak....

"Bell, we have a job to do !"

"Yirina ?" I opened my eyes again...back into reality in the CIA safehouse and still feeling an hand on my right shoulder. I slowly turned my head around to see Park herself, looking worried. "You're okay ?" She asked me.

"Uhm...yeah." I replied but my voice was betraying so much and my face....looking so damn pale.

"It's been like 5 minutes you stand up here, looking at this picture." She pointed at the picture of Perseus himself as I wasn't feeling so well in me right now.

"I know but this face...." I started to say and....in my voice, it was Bell speaking....not me. "It's looking so familiar to me." I whispered....still feeling me as Bell as I could feel more dizzy in my head and Park getting more worried about me.

"Yirina, you're not well." She exclaimed as she put her both hands on my shoulders. "What's wrong ?" She questioned me, turning me around as I could see Zasha also looking at me, worried too.

"I...I don't know....something's off about me !" I said, repeating the same words in that memory before I look at my hands, trembling and feeling more than weird. "Park, I...I don't feel so good." I then found myself losing balance as my heart was like beating unusually before I fell in Park's arms, my eyes crying.

"Shit, Yiri." She was sounding so panicked as she received me falling in her arms, I could feel her own pain by touching her. "Zasha, help me quick !" She ordered as I could see briefly Zasha running from their chair to get to me.

"What's happening ?" They asked to Park.

"Something bad." She replied, her breaths sounding more heavier and louder. "We're going to put her in the couch, take her legs." She added before I could feel my legs going off the ground, holded by Zasha.

They then started to move me through the whole safehouse to get to the couch Zasha used to sleep and during that, I could see the confused look on the others faces. I tried to look away from them as I was like crying with my eyes. I was put on the couch, laying down on it as Zasha and Park stayed near me, not wanting me to pass out as the others started to gather around them, wondering what was happening.

"What's got into her ?" Garrett was the first one to ask Park as me, I was looking at the ceilling, my hands posed on my chest, my breaths more frequent are louder. Park was kneeled, having put her hands on top of mine while Zasha

"Why is she like that ?" Greta added, confused as hell before I looked at everyone and especially at Mason who was looking bad for me, he know well of what was happening, he has gone through hell....and it was my turn to do it.

"I'm going go take the medkit." Song exclaimed, walking away from the scene.

"Park, tell us." Woods demanded, looking worried as he was next to Mason.

"I don't know but...." Park started, holding back her tears as looking at her was making me sad. "She maybe see something that she didn't want to see....or having heard something that she didn't want to hear." She added and I nodded at the last part, focused on catching back my breath. "You heard something ?"

"Ad....Adler...." I breathed and only by that, I could see Park, Mason & Woods eyes face decomposing themselves, already knowing of it.

"Shit, you heard him tell his fucking phrase." Mason chuckled, clenching his own fists before I could see him struggling on his face. "Damnit....I might need some fresh air or rest again." He then walk away, getting to his room as he was probably refacing some bad memories in him before I could see Song coming back with the medkit.

"You gonna feel better after that little shot." Song affirmed as she was getting out of the medkit....an syringue and then I started to panick like I was seeing Adler again before he injected me with an syringue right into the eye socket.

"No, please....don't do this !" I pleaded, panicked as hell as I was seeing myself back into that stretcher 3 years ago. "I can't....Park....don't let her do this." I added, looking at Park who was like me and also crying in her eyes. "I'm....don't let this needle touch me." I ordered before I cried again fully this time as Park was like petrified and she couldn't do anything only to recomfort me but as Song was getting next to me, I could see Zasha coming by next to her.

"Hey, you didn't hear what she said ?" They exclaimed, almost angry in their voice, putting themselves right in front of her. "She doesn't want that."

"But...."

"There is not but, Song." Zasha said, cutting her straight in her words, taking an quick look at me panicking with Park, holding me. "You're going to hurt her more than ever if you inject her with that." They pointed at the syringue in her hand. "Trust me, you don't want to do this." They added before I could see Garrett arriving behind Song.

"Kwan....I think that they're right." He affirmed, putting his hands on her shoulders. "I can't let you do that." He added, sniffing almost sad.

"Okay." Woods started, moving himself to get between Park and everyone else. "It might be better that we let her breath freely and to go to rest." He proposed as I could see everyone except Park & Zasha, looking at me before the other nodded, starting to leave. Garrett & Song were the first to leave to go to their room before Woods left too, leaving only me, Park, Zasha & Greta here.

"Uhm, I think I will go sleep in the car if you want." She proclaimed, joining her hands together as she wasn't looking good. "It's better that you two stay here for her." She added, talking to Zasha & Park before she decided to left the warehouse, leaving us alone.

"Does that....does that happen frequently ?" Zasha asked, curious about it as they moved next to Park, she shook her head.

"No, the last time she did this....it was days before this event in New Jersey." Park replied, looking more sad than ever before she put my hands inside hers. "Yiri, I'm here with you, no one is going to harm you."

"Yes....yes." I breathed as I was trying to pull out a smile on my face even if I was crying off my state as Zasha moved their hand on touch my right leg.

"We're here for you, Yirina." They added with an small grin on their face. "We will never let you down." I smiled at hearing them....it was true, real....they will not let me down....I looked at Park relieved.

"By the way...I managed to decrypt the transmission you gave me." She started before she moved one of her hands towards my cheek, cleaning the few tears that was falling down. "It was saying....'I love you, Park' " It....it was an idea I've got for an exercice with her and I was like so happy that she succeeded to do this.

"Don't worry, Yirina. We're here." Zasha repeated again as I could see some tears on their face too that they cleaned up fast....I have an big impact on Zed & Park and they did have an bigger impact for me......

"Thanks you to be here for me, Zed.....thanks you, Park....my beloved."

[cozydnp-archive]

Aly I'm so depressed, I have school tomorrow and I probably won't go bc my depression and anxiety take all of my energy, I can't even be around ppl without having an anxiety attack, i am repeating this school year but it's still so difficult I just can't even get myself out of bed to go, the thought makes me actually sick, my parents keep saying that I'm lazy bc I failed school last year but it got so bad I started cutting again, fuck I feel so useless and fucking dumb (1/2)

i can't sleep at nigth, I get anxious thinking about the next day and sometimes I have nigthmares too, tomorrow I have an appointment with my therapist so that kinda makes me feel better but fuck in the morning in gonna get yelled at for not wanting to even get out of bed and im terrified I hate myself so fucking much why can't I be normal, sorry for rambling I just feel comfortable with u (2/2)

Hey. So two things I want you to know right away: you are not useless for struggling and no matter what people tell you, do not believe for a second that you are lazy. Mental illness is awful and is literally an illness that makes everyday tasks and “easy” functions feel daunting and exhausting. You can’t help it, it’s literally in the chemical components of your brain. If someone can’t see inside of your head and hasn’t been through what you’re going through then they do not have the right to tell you how much you are or aren’t trying. Trust me. I’ve been there, I’ve felt the same, I know how awful and isolating it feels. Forcing yourself into things that give you anxiety or worsen your symptoms is like forcing someone to walk on a leg after they’ve broken it. And no one understands. I want you to know that I do.

Honestly, school is one of the most stressful things a young person can do and when I look back on my high school days all I can think is “some of that was fun, but thank god i don’t have to do it again.” Something I really wish someone had told me of a few years ago is that it’s okay to take days off when you need it. Actually, it’s also okay to repeat classes, okay to repeat school years, okay not to race into adult life which no one is ever ready for anyways. You have time, and there is nothing wrong with you for needing it. Before anything else, you come first. No exceptions. I wish I could speak to whoever thinks yelling at you is going to help the problem. All I can say is they’re wrong. No paper or grade is worth wanting to die or feeling like a failure because you’re too exhausted to even care about something that feels so irrelevant.

Talk to you therapist. Be honest with them and tell them that these are your feelings even if that might be hard. Therapy is a place where the voice is objective and your feelings are heard. You need a support in your life that doesn’t make you feel punished for doing what is in fact, the right thing. Look after yourself. I know you’ve probably heard this a hundred times but it really, genuinely does get better. You’re in the hardest part which is surviving through it right now, but you won’t always be stuck here. Thank you so much for trusting me with this and letting me listen to you. You can talk to me if you need me at any time, I’m here and I care.