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WIP Wednesday Whenever: Pain and Suffering Edition
I was tagged by: @shivsghost @ouroboros-hideout and @gloryride for WIP Wednesday, which I am doing on Friday. You'll understand if you keep reading.
I have been fairly inactive this week...
I have aged approximately six weeks in three days. I've been working long days 8am-4:30pm in nonstop meetings, workshops and other activities at work. As such, coming home leaves me with little energy to do a lot. I take a few photos, maybe write a little bit of stuff, but otherwise I haven't been terribly active, so far as creative stuff is concerned.
Virtual Photography
I've got a President's Lady (Vega x Rosalind Myers) set coming out tonight. Otherwise I've got nothing in the VP space.
CyberNoir is on hold, alongside my fics, until after I've recovered from the psychological toll the past three days have put on me.
Writing
I've put a pause on writing my main fics this week because I've been so busy at work.
I finally published Chapter 1 of my original Science Fiction piece 'Freerunners' (via Tumblr for now, until I find a suitable hosting site). Check it out!
I've also published a short story about Vincent Gonzalez (my Male V) and his (very very short-lived) relationship with Panam, called 'Repulse'. Check it out here.
I'm going to tag @wanderingaldecaldo, @streetkid-named-desire and @olath124. Sorry if you've already been tagged, and of course, participation is completely voluntary.
Thanks everyone.
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THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF GHOST โง DAY ONE
first song you heard โ Mary On A Cross
September 1969; Papa Nihil and the beginning of the Ghost Project take to the stage at the Whiskey a Go Go club in Los Angeles, under the watchful eye of Sister Imperator. Fifty-three years later, in Tampa, Florida, Papa Emeritus the Fourth performs Mary On A Cross, unaware that he is singing the story of his parentsโand that of himself.
#note: i'm aware this song is about so much more than the fictional ghost story. just really enjoying that aspect of it rn#very nearly didn't do this series because some people are a bit silly about fans who heard moac as the first song. i'm owning it sdkjcksh#it wasn't the song that made me a fan as i will show in the next post but moac slaps so hard and#if you only like moac and nothing else you're still a ghestie to me <3#not my fault i was on instagram in autumn of 2022#i was going through some stuff then and listening to clips of this pretty song on random videos was something i enjoyed#didn't know the name of it or who sung it but kept hearing it at 4am when i couldn't sleep and everything was falling apart around me#when all i could do was try to escape it until the morning#i feel a bit stupid saying this but when i listen to it now and remember hearing it back then#it's like ghost was there for me even when i didn't know it#waiting for me to find them and everything their music would teach me#until the time was right#ghost31#papa emeritus iv#the band ghost#papa nihil#sister imperator#mary on a cross#user copia edits#user copia all tag#wait for the next tags i'm also tagging:#rite here rite now spoilers#i'm emotional about their messed up little family finding each other right at the very end. they never let each other go#flashing gif#<- ig
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having seen at least the rough outlines of all the romances now I have to say that I think emmrich's is probably objectively the best in terms of coherence and completeness of story arc (with the understanding that ultimately the 'best' romance is whichever one makes YOUR heart sing anyway so objectivity is a silly thing to claim that way, it just felt like it's the arc with the most well-paced focused content and the least dangling threads)... but lucanis' is my favourite haha. just. the whole kneeling before your beloved full of reverence but without any of the distance that usually implies??? his complete undramatic certainty and calm in every scene with rook after this, having spent the whole game caught between fear and longing???? mr. lives in a pantry but it says nothing about my psyche don't worry about it it's purely for tactical reasons that I keep myself contained in a small dark room not entirely unlike a cell, love among the parsnips -- finally coming to rook in their room and it's so comfortable and comforting???? after all the times rook supports and comforts him through the game he's finally able to return the same to them when they need it while being so calm and steady and it's so fucking sweet and feels so effortless and with no price attached?????? he basically assigns himself the role of your bodyguard and he WILL stab a god over it??????????????? the turn to protector (which was in his heart all along longing to get out and find a place) of it all????? he sounds like he's found himself unexpectedly stumbling into such a soul-lightening state of revelatory existential relief, full on 'you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves' mary oliver style, and he goes and he shares that with rook and protectively envelops them in it when they're hurting??????????????????????????? hello for the maker's sake hello can anyone hear me?????
#listen I was forged in the fires of garrusmancing. I went through two whole games just to get a gentle headbutt and some tender words#before me3 comes along and rewards you for your tenacity more fully#me? the reyes romancer???? I have the strength and headcanon game to bear the relative lack of content before the end#when the endgame is this good I am willing to hold out for it haha the way he looks at rook towards the end......#I also really liked taash' (it's really sweet) but I don't think I have any rooks ready to go right now who would go for that vibe#emmrich for sure is going to be my either crow or shadow dragon romance it really is very good! and extremely goth not unrelatedly#undeniably that old man has the most game out of anyone in this story. the move with the flower??? I'm sorry????#I actually like that lucanis' romance blooms out of the safety of an established friendship more than anything (again. avowed garrusmancer)#but emmrich... he's got some next level romantic stuff going on and is being both so wholesome and such a freak about it lmao#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#all jokes aside I totally respect and understand that people are a bit disappointed and frustrated -- they're not wrong to feel that!#there really are some gaps in content there for the midgame#however I was personally custom built by experience to get the most out of this scenario as possible and by god I will#just as I feel that ryder and reyes go off and have some soul-shrivingly good sex after the first kiss#(it makes that arc make a lot more sense to me haha)#I think rook and lucanis Get Up To It after the second coffee date. weird of them to not show us that but okay I'll fill it in myself then
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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles
#dragon age tag#i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below#weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type#it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me#if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year#almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol#tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3#and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me#but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me#sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points#witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too#which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3#my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free#Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...
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Digital Circus AMA Notes
Digital Circus is getting a season 1 at some point!!!!
#webcore aesthetic board for the series design
Pomni was going to be a frog originally. ๐ธ
90s toys Zooble inspo
Caine is an antagonist, but not by active choice, he doesn't know he's not helping. He doesn't feel a whole spectrum of human emotions (he's an AI).
"Caine canonically just lets things happen if he thinks it's funny."
Characters eat like Chao in Chao garden in Sonic. The characters can eat the food, but they can't digest it.
Jax's favorite food is spaghetti.
Pomni likes salmon.
Q "Was the ending a 'Last Supper' reference?" A "in a very superficial kinda way yeah." Religious stuff is sometimes just used for the funny.
Gooseworx tumblr sketches MAY or MAY NOT be canon to the series, so it's up in the air for every single one.
People can abstract from feeling too much pain if it breaks their mind from it being too much. Characters feel pain from things, but not as intensely as they would in real life.
Zooble is gonna swap parts every episode (implying they have spare parts) except their body & head.
Jax chose his own name & gooseworx likes to think he chose Gangle's name.
Ragatha was named "Emmy" originally.
They (the cast of characters trapped in the circus) can't change their clothes but Caine can. It's part of their skin sorta kinda.
There's empty space under Pomni's hat because video game model physics.
Spamton was partially inspo for Caine, Caine's VA did Spamton dubs.
Gangle only has 2 masks. Why's it (her hapiness mask) break all the time? Mental state, but the "real her" is "harder to break."
Kaumfo was gonna be part of the main cast originally before Jax.
Kaufmo's model has nothing below the waist at this time, but was made for that promotional image on twitter.
Q "What kinda person was Kaufmo?" A "He was the same as Ragatha in a sense, goofy & cheery, sometimes toxic levels of positivity."
I'm paraphrasing for the sake of note taking in real time, go watch the stream playback for more context & details if you want.
#these are all from GLITCHX 2023 on the glitch productions youtube channel btw#for anyone curious as to where I got the screenshots & details#theory crafters pop off with this#someone else can reblog this with time stamps if you want I'm pretty tired#I'm not going back through that stream right now; I'm sure someone else will put timestamps in the comments maybe#but yeah consider the amazing digital circus officially greenlit for a first season I guess! :D#tadc season 1 eventually baybeee!!#I'm hyped! I wonder if the pilot will remain canon into season 1 or if we'll get a new introduction into the series.#Wonder why Jax called Gangle... well Gangle ๐ maybe he just thought it sounded silly or something i'm curious as to what gooseworx thought#Caine's AI really thought Pomni running around looking for him & Kaufmo abstracted in his room was funny ๐ or his AI is glitchy#(we saw him glitching out already in the pilot) alternatively I think Bubble could be distracting Caine on purpose but idk just yet#imagine how much pain Ragatha was in since they can all actually feel that though like being body slammed & thrown against walls & stuff ๐ฌ#also excited to see some Gangle-centric content in the future based on that comment about the 'real her' ๐#Kaufmo would probably make jokes at really dark moments when it wasn't appropriate because that was a coping mechanism for him poor guy ๐ญ#mine#op#the amazing digital circus#tadc
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I am at the stage of trauma recovery that feels like reattaching previously dead limbs.
#I keep having this mental image of like. A girl who was sliced clean in two vertically#And one half exists independently as an almost-functional half-girl#And the half-girl looks like a complete girl from certain angles. And bloody raw mess from others.#Trying to live life. Frustrated a lot of the time that she can't do the same stuff as other people can#Because she's only half there!#The other half issss not quite dead but also definitely not attached. Dismembered in a box#Ah you know how it is. You're an opinionated and outspoken child in an abusive home. People are going to chop bits off of you.#And some of what I knew as healing was taking bits out of that box and slowly painfully sewing back on like. Chunks of spleen and lung.#But some of it was really just growing a callous over the gooey parts#Which did stop me from bleeding out! But now i'm on limbs and i'm having to cut through the callouses too.#Piecing the two halves of my head together. Great big ugly seam running right down the middle. Holding it while it heals#Once again. hugely recommend Pete Walker Complex PTSD book#Me Fein#I also recommend everyone who ever wronged you saying: i'm so sorry you were right the whole time.#But I understand i'm in a unique situation.#Its like#Really really really good#Trauma
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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Can you make a tutorial on how you world build and make ocs? I can't seem to make any people in my brain, but then when I try to come up with environments jobs, beliefs and little details to slowly come up with someone, I think: well I don't really know how people have influenced the world- it's a weird loop
To be honest, I don't think I can! Writing is an extremely personal process. The way I write is directly related to how I process things, what I find important in stories, years of my own analysis of my and other's writing, etc... The way you write will be unique to you, as well. But I can explain how I personally think of it.
The short answer:
Write. Write anything and everything, it's a tool to explore your ideas. Analyze your own writing, and write more. Then, as you discover which ideas you want to develop, write more to explore them more. You won't know what you want otherwise!
The long answer:
I think this kind of loop is common. It's easy to feel like everything needs to be done "at once," because our job as writers is to make elements logically fit with each other for our readers. But as you've discovered, developing multiple elements simultaneously isn't really possible, or at least is extremely difficult.
Personally, when I think of writing, I break it into three major elements; characters, world, and plot. As much as possible every scene explores one or more of these, and as much as possible these three things tie back into what I personally consider most important: theme.
Everything I do is in service of the themes I want to present. Without them my events feel aimless. It can take a while to discover them, but they're the core of my work. You will have to discover what you feel is the core of yours. Analyzing other media helps with this too.
Concepts in your brain exist in a state of infinite potential. But when you start writing you have to start making choices, which removes potential as you move forward... But you have to move forward anyways. If there's ideas you want to explore later, you can always explore them later.
What this ends up meaning, to answer your question, is that I don't think of my characters as "people in my brain" or my worlds as something people have influenced... Not at their core, at least. They are tools that I use to represent specific ideas. Obviously they're also my blorbos, but mostly they're serving a specific narrative purpose.
So above all else... Write. Write, and discover what you're writing about, and then start over and write with that in mind. Keep doing this. But you have to write!
#I wish there were a cleaner answer to this kind of thing#and I also wish that there were a way to answer that didnt feel like 'just do it lol'#but... genuinely you kind of just have to do it!#I find it helps to reframe writing as trying to figure out which ideas I don't like#then if I write anything that feels bad to me#it's not about being a bad writer or anything like that. it's just something I dont want in my story and I delete it.#like if you find yourself naturally coming up with worldbuilding elements. its okay to just start there!#you can start like 'I really want giant mushrooms' and then start thinking about how cool that would be#and like oooh what if there were really cool caves full of mushrooms and all glowy yeaaah#then you start building people from that. colonies of fungal people or something. this is still worldbuilding#then you might think now. whats a plot that could go with this and show off my cool mushrooms.#maybe the mushrooms are all connected and the main one is dying and no one knows why. it's a classic plot.#if you still dont feel like you can find a character in that. keep going! why is it dying? how can it be saved? can it? if not then why?#etc etc etc. when I am writing I actually ltierally write out 101 questions like this as I'm going and then I answer them#and if I cant answer them. then I figure out a different situation that doesnt bring that question up LMFAO#eventually you can decide you want a hero who idfk will replace the big mushroom or something. a sacrifice and immortality simultaneously#then you can be like yeah so my themes are probably about sacrifice. connection to others. love for your community. stuff like that#and then you can go back to your world and say. yeah I think that people should have telepathic communication on some level!#I'm just making all this up right now but I just want to illustrate somehow how this kind of cyclical process can actually be a tool#because it's not about getting it all right at once. its about leaning into the cycle and how it guides you through developing these#anyways idk if this makes any sense. if this doesnt feel like it works for you then it probably literally doesnt#but writing more and analyzing writing more is ALWAYS good#it will never make your writing worse to do those things.#unfortunately (said with all the love in the world) writing is an endless process of learning more about who you are and what you care abou#its wonderful but it's hard and theres no way to skip that process#good luck!#asks#anon#writing stuff#oh also if at any point you go hm. that big thing isnt working for me I think...
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to love someone is to heal someone
#~ art#๐ memoryshipping#ignore tags if youre just here for the art and not me going full diary mode#anyways ... this is a little personal to me#especially with how i treat her here. i think this is a direct projection of how i'm feeling right now#today has been a little harsh on me - maybe a little painful even#i'm okay now - because i resolved it. albeit harboring some bits of anger to it but its not worth fighting about anymore#its hard to say that i'm - very optimistic so to speak because it's only one pillar i just jumped over and there will be more later#and this is me coping with it and im lucky to have mustered some energy to at least express it through drawing#i havent been drawing much for myself and it makes me sad because its my source of happiness#my time for drawing is being repurposed for other stuff right now and it still is and i dont feel entirely happy doing it unfortunately#i still have many things i want to follow up on my drawing list especially in my recent interests peaking again#but i resorted for now to making something im already used to. stevaide lol fgsjsddsjjsdjkghsdjgdjkhskjghshsgsasjhjsjksdjfhsfasgs corny ass#rest assured im at a somewhat relaxed state right now. throwing boops here and there calmed me down because theres people around me#who ig thinks im cool eajdhajhd#ahh anyway
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might i request a little space (0-3) moodboard inspired by ike eveland ? possibly with quilldren? masc, paci, with or without deco!!
Sure!!
#ike eveland#!!!#nijisanji is going through some stuff right now#but I don't actually know a lot about it#I'm too busy with school to try to get all the facts right now#anyway#my favorite member of luxiem is luca#but i like ike also!!#sfw interaction only#moodboard#sfw agere#age regression#agere#sfw littlespace#agere moodboard#babyre#age dreaming#baby regression#light academia
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recent sketches
hhhello been inactive for a while so have some sketches i've done recently XP
changed the way i draw the little guy
a friend had this hc that during chapter 27 edgar wasn't really taking care of himself so his hair got longer . then zarla confirmed it
thing i banged in like 30 minutes instead of going to sleep . this is from @metamorphmigus and @cherry-207's au , btw
lolol that's literally all idk why i thought i had more things
#vargas#edgar vargas#vargas zarla#scriabin vargas#scriabin#zarla s#skybound serenade#uh um#i don't have anything interesting going on in my life rn tbh#just that i'm currently working on a collab XP#and i'm so super happy because well some stuff#i llllove this fandom#also mmm new sidefics#hair on end made me so sad and it doesn't even make any sense#it's mostly because i kin edgar a lot and i'm going through something similar but#overall great sidefic oouugghh#i'm trying so.hard not to explode right now i'm sorry idk what else to ssssay#ssssoo sso mcuh stuff going on i swearr i SWEAR#aside from that uh#again i'm having trouble getting myself to draw recently#need to wwork on the askblog but i also have some ideas i want to work on#nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn also i'm back to being absorbed by ai chat apps#well that's all . bye#sunny's art
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1) i'm bad at games 2) i'm scared of people
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#sona#tw gun#and then voice chat was unlocked FVHSVb#i almost tapped out i was not Going To fhvss#/and yea i did Terrible Lmao#i usually do worse when i'm on teams. actually i think that might be the nervousness now that i'm writing this HFSH#and then i had to commit a true crime because my mom called n i had to get off#oof ouch sorry ffvfhsb#i did okay the second time :D#//really i haven't drawn anything in like. a week i think#nothing digital anyway#i made some silly traditional sketches of some of my ocs :)#it just feels weird not making anything on my computer#like i get on here and i'm like '!!! time to make stuff !! :D' and then i start tapping through stuff and go 'ahhh right. nothin' lmaoo#//i have been playing viddy games which is nice :D#i don't like how once you get past the beginner stages most games throw ALL the notification stuff and ALL of the quests and EVERYTHING at#you at once fvfshv#like man i don't know what's going on!! what even is this !! [<- usually something that was explained that i forgot about]#why does everybody need 5 currencies and why do i even need to be bothered. the answer is i don't and i won't but i Do want to know what fo#//POW aight on my way now loll :> :D
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The Many Illustrators of A Tale of Two Cities 15: Charles Keeping
Keeping This One Brief
Our second in the spooky subseries is a set by Charles Keeping, a famed English illustrator, children's book author, and lithographer who, among his many other accomplishments, illustrated the entirety of Dickens's work for the Folio Society.
This set is unique among all those we've seen so far, both for its recentness (call its publication date a Bowling for Soup song the way it's "1985"๐คช) and for its source:
Rather than being from a large public resource like the Internet Archive or from my own personal scans, these are all coming from the personal blog of Derrick J. Knight, a fellow netizen who just so happens to have scanned the illustrations of the book he was reading and uploaded them to the Internet for all to see.
Out of gratitude and respect for giving these precious rarities of illustrations to the public, I'm going to keep this post simple and straightforward, with no post-notes.
Here they are (fair warning, a couple of these are pretty gory):
That's it! Thank you, Charles Keeping and Derrick J. Knight!
& the standard endnote for all posts in this series:
This post is intended to act as the start of a forum on the given illustrator, so if anyone has anything to add - requests to see certain drawings in higher definition (since Tumblr compresses images), corrections to factual errors, sources for better-quality versions of the illustrations, further reading, fun facts, any questions, or just general commentary - simply do so on this post, be it in a comment/tags or the replies!๐ซ
#A Tale of Two Cities#AToTC#dickens#charles dickens#bookblr#litblr#literature#classic literature#victorian literature#vintage illustration#illustration#illustrators#Charles Keeping#1980s#atotc spoilers#god do I love spooky subseries month. I've really saved some good ones for it#I don't actually usually research the illustrator until I'm making the post and I have to say both so far have been so fascinating#such different backgrounds in terms of what they were famous for outside of these specific illustrations!#I'm definitely going to be looking into Keeping's work. I really like his sensibilities#especially in the stuff that he had the time to be more elaborate with#imagine what he could have done with the novel if he weren't doing. literally every other work by dickens too#also just one more time let's thank derrick j knight. don't know when or how we would have ever seen these without him!#(also a note that the cover comes from a different place again)#by the way.....๐................this is a queued post!!!!!!!! it's HAPPENING people i'm doing the queue RIGHT NOW (october 5)#gonna queue up all the rest for this series through the end of the yearโบ๏ธwow...
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I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today
#we do not see it. we cannot read all of a sudden.#rye having war flashbacks to watcher conferences and firmly going 'we are *not* getting derailed by the metaphysics here folks'#rare stern moderator/dad hat moment from ingellvar lol. he's Seen Some Shit in his time (debates that raged over the multiple#and not always concurrent life times of the participants involved. ain't no academic rivalry like watcher academic rivalry#because watcher academic rivalry doesn't stop even when everyone involved is dead. and the rest of us have to live with it)#I. do not think the way I'm getting this quest is how it's meant to be experienced so I'm a bit at a loss as to how to pace it out#I've been an annoying little completionist so I have ALL the statues and could just marathon it out#but that does not feel like the best way for the story and upcoming reveals to work. hm. how to do this#I'm supposed to go fail to save weisshaupt right around now I can't be having study group with all of you rn as much of a delight as it is#rye is nominally an andrastian as mainstream nevarrans generally are but as I gather is the case with many of the watchers#what he *actually* believes in is the grand necropolis itself haha#(and the philosophy of history memory death and relationship (as well as responsibility) between the past and the present#and indeed the future that it represents. we have a duty. to what has been to what is and to what will come after us. good shit)#the nevarran/mortalitasi element just makes their lack of care or respect for chantry orthodoxy *mwha* that extra bit special#the nevarran lack of concern bordering on quiet condescending disdain for official chantry doctrine and policy my beloved#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#poor harding really is living through the most relentless 'if this is the maker testing my faith he sure be testing me' gauntlet of all tim#good news: god might be real! bad news: god might not even be a real thing but more like a magical accident or vibration or something#honestly tho. if we could get full lovecraftian incomprehensible to human conception the maker -- He is a particle and a wave style --#that's the only way I'd be cool with him or them actually answering the question of his existence. that'd be kind of sick#'yes. but no. but maybe. depends on how you define god. and exist. and he. and does.' *ingellvar sets of the METAPHYSICS!! klaxon#that's a time out folks good game but easy on the jargon and navel-gazing definition of terms next round#rye and lucanis have some slightly differing views about at what exact stage of a problem murder becomes a valid solution#('well you just kill them and then I'm the one who has to deal with the next much longer part')#but they're surprisingly kind of vibing on a lot of other stuff lol. good for them <3#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar
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email my professor just sent me that might make me cry
#we have these little take home quizzes that we have to turn in at midnight every sunday#and the past like.. 3 sundays my quizzes have all been either super sloppy or incomplete#so last sunday i left a little note on the last page that was like hi i'm sorry my quizzes haven't been very good recently! i'm -#- going through some stuff in my personal life right now but i promise i'm trying!#and she gave me extra points on that one...... she gave me a 13/10............#so i sent her an email this morning like hi thank you so much and she just responded with this
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Cockatrice Hunter - 2574854
Sometimes you dress like your prey. Loosely based off the Cockatrice familiar.
#flight rising#fr outfit#fr dragon dressup#fr dressing room#fr mirror#fr coatl#bluskitty's outfits#yeah I'm doing a bunch of familiar themed outfits#it's the vibe right now as I go through some rough irl stuff
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