#i'm going CRAZY why am i doomed to this fate!!!

[zhuoyichenpretty]

Ep 22-23 Commentary

Ha...I was inexplicably nervous for eps 22-23 and it looks like I was right to be (-: What a rollercoaster. Spoilers below!

I've just come out of ep 23 and uh????? holy shit????? ZYC????

Ok ok but to backtrack, let's do my comments semi-chronologically:

Ep 22:

A carry-over from ep 21 that I have to mention—heck yeah PSJ give WZY hell. She doesn't have all that many lines but she sure knows how to make them count. Also seeing PSJ and WX get screen time just the two of them makes my brain go "yay <3"

Back to ep 22, loved the fake-out sundial ayeee that was a nice Chekhov's gun that also brings the real sundial back into relevance for later. Also me eating up the PSJ and ZYC crumb of an interaction has brought to my attention how starved I am of their screen time together.

This whole ep was a great lament towards the feared inevitable. Every sad downcast look from ZYC, every complicated glance WX gives him. A wonderful, terrible crossroads for these characters. I love that for ZYC especially, it's such an incredible mess of emotion coming to a head. Bad enough that he's come to care about the demon who killed his family and ruined his life, bad enough that he's sworn a blood oath he regrets and tied himself to punishing someone he no longer finds culpable, bad enough that ZYZ's life or death depends solely on his choice and ZYZ is constantly practically begging for death when ZYC wants him to live. How much immensely worse it makes the whole situation that WX is literally ZYZ's soulmate. And obviously the whole team has only grown more and more attached to ZYZ, too. ZYC's personal turmoil aside, how heavy must that responsibility and guilt be? For the finishing blow that only he can deliver to also deeply threaten every other person he cares about? Everyone understands in the abstract what must happen and why, but just like seeing ZYZ lose control firsthand, the gulf between understanding and experiencing is so unimaginably wide. If he kills ZYZ, can there really be no resentment from his friends? From WX?

Also it seems ZYC only wears cloaks so that he can give them to other people lmao

Ah fuck, the farewell drinks. I didn't even factor in how ZYC might not survive the encounter (''': The drama truly was like hm can we possibly give ZYC a worse day than that night his whole fam died? Maybe give him a bunch of new family members and also the blade and the fate and the sole responsibility to potentially irrevocably scar said family members with? And he might die in the process too? (-: haha maybe? (((-:

Oh. Oh. Addendum. I forgot this til I saw it mentioned in another post—ZYC recounting his oath as he watched WX smile when they discussed reviving the tree...I could feel him weighing those words against his own life, against ZYZ's life, against WX's happiness. One way out of this impossible situation is indeed to doom himself. I'm in pieces.

Damn if WX isn't dedicated heart and soul, going into the sundial like that. I'm sad no one could keep her company for those 300 years but also I guess that's kind of an impossible ask (and maybe not survivable for the other non-goddess mortals? I'm admittedly very unclear on sundial time loophole logistics). It would have been nice to see someone offer though, even just to be turned down.

Ooh I like the soul needle fake-out, given this show's penchant for retroactive "actually we had a plan all along" moments. A good subversion of the narrative's own style.

Also I saved this for the end because it doesn't really fit the linearity of my comments but what the fuuuuuuuck oh my god I absolutely flipped out at this scene:

I am at once rabidly intrigued and at the same time not sure if I'll be satisfied with whatever payoff will come for this so I don't want to overindulge in theorizing and setting my own expectations too high. Maybe this is just a fevered hallucination, maybe it means nothing (I hope it means something). But damn!!! What a gorgeous man crazy scene.

In conclusion, ep 22 had some good stuff for me. Plot development and reflection and tension enough that I may have been satisfied with just that one episode. But they gave us two, so onward to ep 23 comments!

Ep 23:

I like how many solid reasons the team has to suspect ZYC being possessed. Even though I withheld judgment during my watch given how quickly the show usually confirms that kind of stuff with a possession mark, just simply casting that doubt made the whole build up that much more intense.

ZYC slowly walking down the corridor with the whole grounds lit a somber and haunting gold—*chef's kiss*

ZYC's monologue to a catatonic ZYZ is so important to me. The closest we'll get to his internal monologue about this whole situation. The kinds of things said when we think there's no conscious listener.

Okay so, having finished this episode and looking back, Li Lun's hands coming up from behind ZYC was not to denote possession (at least in this episode), potentially is a visual from ZYZ's POV, and seems related to the above screencap. I am so, so curious. Once again, I'm stopping myself from further speculation because I want to be surprised but ahhhhhhhhh

PSJ shooting at Ao Yin is so gorgeous. Her action scenes seriously never disappoint—the creativity of her fight choreos!! Also very cool that the whole team is getting to take part in the action, not just the two male leads.

Bai Jiu possession was not on my bingo card but I sure do love that we literally saw the possession take place and I still didn't connect the dots. Good shitttt. Also oh no ): ZYC was telling the truth about the soul needle, he was just tricked ):

Seriously from the Ao Yin case to getting PSJ released to reviving the Divine Wood to getting tricked by possessed!Bai Jiu to making pear soup to fighting ZYZ to fighting Li Lun—when will ZYC get a single goddamn vacation day holy shit.

Also when will WX tear up that contract so ZYZ can stop having a mild heart attack every time he wants to kiss her ): &I love that they saved the 300-year montage for this moment. While their ship doesn't give me brainrot personally, who could be unmoved by that incredible and undisclosed sacrifice? That's soulmatism.

Okay, I'd seen clips of them filming the ZYC and Li Lun fight but damn I did not expect it'd be happening right now!! Right after already taking damage from ZYZ? And my god is Li Lun brutal. The two actors did such an impressive job on this entire fight, what with Li Lun's ease and ZYC's suffering. I really appreciated the extensive hand-to-hand combat after Li Lun literally obliterated ZYC's sword. (Also though, given the origin of that sword, I kept hoping for a flashback to ZYC's brother once it broke, but alas, no dice.) Anyway, the show does not play around about ZYC whump it seems. I was very very shook by that throat punch; that shit legitimately looked like it hurt.

Honestly, I had a hard time with the extended ZYZ and Li Lun conversation at the very end because oh my god someone please heal ZYC lmao. But of course, that's the end of the episode~~

Y'all...check on your local ZYC stans because I was not okay after all that (': I need a heaping dose of comfort after all that hurt, but as always I'm cautious of hoping for much from canon itself. So yeah! Ep 23 was solid, but I would probably be in better shape if today's release just ended on ep 22 ((':

Time to go wait for the cast's Hi6 episode to drop so I can heal my battered heart ;-;

[parcai]

i just don't get it ‼️ who cares if ur a person of the book or a person of vedic religion why can't they fucking mix i don't UNDERSTAND

[calisources]

𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐁𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐄𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒.

All sentences and quotes have been taken from different media about starcrossed lovers or forbidden love, full of angst, some bold words, some nasty ones, possessive nature and letting someone use you as a replacement. So, some toxic energy in this one. Change pronouns, locations and names as you see fit.

I love you,and I will love you until I die,and if there's a life after that,I'll love you then.

Do people always fall in love with things they can't have?

And there is a difference between having your heart break and having your soul shatter.

I'm falling in love with you.

I'm going to fuck the shit out of you. I have waited for this for such a long time. Consequences be damned.

These violent delights have violent ends.

 I’m only human. And you are …all-consuming.

Don’t go into this lightly. If you’re mine, you need to understand I will burn the fucking world to the ground for you.

I will never let you go, do you hear me? 

 will keep you safe. And I will find a way for us to be together.

If you make me cry at my own coronation ball, I’ll never forgive you.

If you were any less the man you are, I would beg you to take me with you.

If you were any less the woman you were, I would beg you to come with me.

I've known lust. This is something worse. This is a barbaric need to possess, to eliminate, to own. This is madness.

This is lust.

She’s your very own forbidden fruit.

You said you didn't want this.

We all desire what we cannot have.

Have you noticed how the boy looks at you?

Do you think I didn’t notice? The way you look at me when you think I’m not watching?

You are dangerous desire, and I am your prisoner.

We can’t do this on so many levels.

I can't even whisper her name, my heart would burst out of my chest.

But I would fight against the stars for you.

I have ruined your life.

Some lines you just don't cross. 

I want to take you under the moonlight.

Having something forbidden is exciting, don't you agree?

The closer we get—the more I let you in…the more dangerous this gets.

Don’t you get it? You’re what everyone wants! But I’m not going to let them win.

Make it so I never have to dream about this again—make it so we can have this…forever.

Desires are what can most easily ruin us, lovely.

We were doomed from the start. 

Nothing is as deadly as the love of a powerful man.

But this kiss? It's ruined me. This is the type of kiss I never knew existed. 

You sure about that, Dad? Because he's done everything to me.

Are you scared of me now?

You loved me - then what right had you to leave me?

I have not broken your heart - you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine.

One moment, you give me everything that I want, and in the next, you snatch all of that away.

It's hopeless. We can never work out.

The world didn’t want us together so I forged a new one where we would.

How could a peacock lust for a lion?

You're tattooed onto my skin, and the more I try to erase you, the deeper you sink in.

I’ve always liked you, from the first moment I saw you.

It's absurd how crazy love can make you...but even more absurd how stupid jealousy can make you.

 That you and I are meant to be together, but never meant to be.

Why does fate seem always to conspire against us? To deny us life's simple pleasures?

We'll meet after this war. I'll certainly find you wherever you'll hide. 

War makes fools of men and women wanton.

What offends you most, Father? That she's Catholic, or that she's poor?

If my father discovers you here, he'd cut off your little nuts and eat them. He can't stand you.

You tempress, I see you once and all I can think of is having you.

Feelings are forbidden, does not mean we cannot enjoy one another.

The more you deny me, the more I desire you. You are a plague in my mind.

Ever since we met, no one else can compare. 

How can I be with someone else, when I’m with them, it’s you I see.

You can have me, think of whoever you love. For tonight.

You can pretend I'm her/him. I don't care. I just want you.

[livelaughstanjegulus]

Disasterology: Jegulus

★

- Vampire Regulus and Reincarnated James.

Summary: Regulus Black is a vampire and has fallen in love with the same soul, forced to know that versions of his love exsited again and again, this time, this version of James is different than all the other... Something about him is different.

He remembers. He remembers it all.

★

● on ao3 livelaughstanjegulus

-

Note: Thank you Tarsh. For being so perfect.

-

Stars. Always burning, always suffering. Lover after lover, all not knowing. All with the same face, never the same name.

They all act the same. A meeting where one has know all their life and the other only for a week. That was the fate Regulus Black was doomed to always face.

An immortal vampire who's fallen in love with one singular soul that reincarnates in every life, somehow knowing him in them all. However this time, this meeting of his lover was different. He was the same as all the others, but somehow he... felt different.

He wasn't sure about it, but that didn't stop him.

-

James had just bought a house in London. It was a gothic type mansion. He bought it online, unknown to him he was scammed. Still, he couldn't not keep it, it was creepy but Interesting. He lived for thrill.

He had gotten chills walking around it, it looked as if it was built before London was. The house was cold, it didn't help that it was Winter in London. There were no neighbors, it was private property.

Over the days he would walk to corridors, find more rooms. It got creepier the more he was in the home, he could've sworn someone was there with him.

He could sense a presence. Watching him as he slept, following him in the shadows, examining him at all times. That was until one day, he found out just who was lurking on him.

-

He was up all night, couldn't sleep. He sat up, slowly moving his head to the corner of the room. Someone was there, but who?

"I feel like I'm going crazy, if you're there, show yourself."

"I can see you, I always see you."

He might not have had his glasses on, but he could still see figures.

"I see you at night, roaming the halls, stalking it."

"I notice that you play the piano when I'm asleep.. "

"You're hallucinating." He spoke, "I'm not here, not real. I'm apart of your imagination, being alone in this large house is driving you insane."

"You should leave."

"You can't fool me, I'm not stupid."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"And thou is completely positive?" James twitched, the way he spoke was so firm.

"Yes..I am."

"If you are, as you say you are then you would be able to see the blood all over the walls."

"..." He went silent. "There isn't just blood, a woman roams all day.."

"You're trying to confuse me." James said. "If I was hallucinating, I would know your name."

He smirked a bit, "You do know my name."

"No I don't."

"..Yes you do." He smiled, "You do."

"No.." he questioned, "Regulus, but you know that." Regulus. "Regulus.." feeling his name on his tongue, it was so— "Do you know my name?" James asked. "No, but I am a figure of your imagination that you created to ease the loneliness." James scoffed. His voice was stern, cold, deep with meaning.

He was intimidating. "My name is James. James Potter." Regulus tumbled a bit, not enough for someone to notice. His name was James.. James, he had to remind himself that he wasn't his

James reached over for his glasses. He looked at the dark person he knew as Regulus. He only saw a silhouette, the next thing he knew he was gone. He rubbed his eyes gently through his glasses.

•

After their short Interaction, Regulus doesn't show himself for weeks leaving James to be isolated in his thoughts. Why was he so familiar? Why did it feel like they've met before, the way he talked, his mysterious aura, and all together him. He was so blinded with confusion.

Regulus, a man that he had no clue whether or not he'd been hallucinating was on his mind non stop.

While Regulus couldn't bring himself to go near James. He walked down the basement stairs, he was positive James never knew about it. James didn't know about a lot of things in the house and he wanted it to stay that way.

He set the candle down, he looked at the large sheet. He yanked it off, revealing a painting. It was a painting of someone he once knew.

They were so identical.. the same. He covered it back up, he's kept it covered every since that day. The day his torment started.

He found himself outside after that, well, on the balcony. It was snowing, the moon was always a comfort to him.

The spot was nostalgic and safe at the same time. Whether it was bad nostalgia or good, it was there.

"We haven't anything wrong, what's so wrong with this?" Their faces were close, "No, we haven't."

"I know that there is nothing wrong with how I feel about you." Their lips brushed, "Nothing.."

Regulus gripped the railing in anger, how could he allow that to happen? How could he let him die? It was his fault, all his fault, if they never met he would've loved a happy life.. a long life.

Maybe he would marry, who knows, his guilt was everlasting.

Regulus Black was a murderer.

[ranboo5]

CRanboo Aspects thoughts in rough descending order of how much I think they work

Rage: This is mine of choice. Good for leaning into the politics angle (why it is mine of choice). Ghosting potential, because Ranboo loves copium. Honestly a huge fan of this one. Literally the anarchy and judginess aspect. Treason aspect. Mean bitch aspect. Yelling at you. Got rid of the voice. Can share with Techno for Syndicate moments. Add a Wilbur who is a Hope player and you have the best Ho16

Heart: Floral's of choice. Ideal for the identity and reconciliation angle (which is why it is hers of choice). Fragmentation, selfhood, introspection, "what am I," all around 20/10, excellent times. Add the End and Beloved stuff to this (love, identity) and you have something truly maddenibg

Void: Saw this once and it went CRAZY. Good for the infosec angle. Memory stuff. Welp clap. Lying to you. He wouldn't break a promise. Pair with a Light Wilbur or Quackity for thermite explosion. Love him so much only reason I didn't go for this one is the peerpressure of it all with Rage

Life: This one could be pretty good he DOES love to thrive and I think it's smth u could definitely lean into the busybody angle with like Ranboo wants to live so bad and they want you to live too and they CAN be pushy and condescending and they ARE compassionate and giving and well I'll just cry. This is also the differently toned peerpressure choice actually. All Ranboo and Techno do is give. I'm crying now

Mind: DOING! THE RIGHT! THING! His methodical approach to stuff his scruples and concerns... the choice trees also, and the concepts he has of justice and priorities of trying 2 be an arbiter of fairness both consciously and not... choice and agency and destiny.... honestly while it's not my first choice I would ADORE seeing a Mindbound Ranboo it could srsly highlight some deeply underrated aspects. Might actually be the most comprehensive, thinking on it

Blood: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH obligation and bloodline and homesickness and consequences this was supposed to be my redemption everything with the End you can do that like with the Heart thing but with more of an emphasis on his place in the world and the ties he has and prioritizes and the people he cares about and the things he can't escape LIKEEEE he absolutely struggles with obligation what if I wept. The leadership angle is kinda meh but honestly the connections on other facets of this r so good that can be forgiven. And besides particles

Breath: Prince of Breath Ranboo (ESP with a Bloodbound Dream) 364 dead 744683 injured alliumduo nation declares national period of mourning. This is how alliumduo should make me feel. Make this now

Doom: Doomed are those and compliance are SO strong actually. I was doubting for a bit but then I thought abt it and this actually owns. It would need a good class to make it work but I think it could... I would kiiiiind of lean for Life ghosting Doom (or maybe have him ghost Doom as Rage in my AU. Could parallel Tbbo. Much illness to think about). The subversion and acceptance both of fate is interesting... then again maybe just keeping it as is in my AU where he is killed by a Doom player (Sam) is better

Light: Sophie brought this up once and it's lovely. Assignment and creation of meaning... Light and information and meaning... luck and consequences... man I see the vision I'd rlly go for Void over it I think but again the vision is 10/10

Hope: Another one where I'd really go for the inverse I think and not just 'cause it's my first choice. Ranboo's interactions with the concepts of Hope r decidedly Rage-driven; all his copium &such and attempts at preservation r functionally pragmatic coping mechanisms to maintain an agenda primarily about what is. While smth can definitely b done with the whole dreaming a better world into existence thing I just don't think Ranboo's interactions w the concept are usually that rosy. It does have hopes but it also very, very much knows where it exists, and both its ability to persist to a better tomorrow and its drive to get there for better and worse do not come from its hopes and creativity but from its ability to survive and understanding of what is there

Space and Time: I have less to say abt these honestly because a) I'm tired and b) honestly it's less like Hope where it doesn't Quite Make The Mark and more like . I mean it's just kind of not the flavor of persistence he exhibits... Space is kind of out for the same reason as Hope (it doesn't really create as much tbh and the aspects of wait-and-see and nurturing fit better with Doom/ghosting it/Rage as mentioned and with Life respectively) but a little more boring, and Time is out because Ranboo's a bit like . More nimble in that sense than is stated almost. Ranboo is not trapped in his circumstance in that sense yk ? And also both of these r out because while he IS the main character he is not like . Neither narratively nor in universe is he for the kind of job a Space or Time player embodies in the session. Unrelatedly Tubbo and Tommy are a Space and a Time player respectively

[allegra-writes]

Am I too late for the birthday blurbs? I just wanted to ask for something angsty or maybe smuty or both with season 2 Billy and Reader, where she knows he is evil but can't help to still feel attracted to him? Thank you so much in advance

This got completely out of control, and I'm sorry it took this long but I just couldn't make this story shorter or let it go.

The author regrets NOTHING.

"Hopeless romantic"

Billy Russo x Reader

NSFW

Warnings: Smut, knife play, gun play (mention), bondage, dub-con, creampie, kidnapping.

Series Masterlist

MY MASTERLIST | BUY ME A COFFEE

"Cause I'm a hopeless romantic

When I should run for my life

Honey, I don't understand it

'Cause it's magic, but it's tragic

I know you're gonna eat me alive"

"Hopeless romantic" - Michelle Branch

The scream died in your throat even before his hand came up against your mouth to drown it, the crisp, expensive smell of his cologne giving away the identity of the intruder inside your darkened apartment even before he spoke.

"Shhh baby girl" Billy Russo breathed hot against your ear, "it's just me…"

"Yeah, that is exactly why I should scream" you countered, yet your voice was barely above a whisper. Yet you did nothing to step away from his embrace, even as his knife left your neck to toy with the straps of your flowery dress, the same one Maria had gifted you, all those years ago. 

The arm around your waist tightened, pressing you against Billy's front, so you could clearly feel his need, hard as nails, against your lower back. You bit your lip to keep the moan inside.

"Aw, I promise you baby," he cooed, puncturing his words with a long, filthy lick along the side of your neck, "before this is over, I will make you scream"

This time, there was no disguising the wanton sound that escaped your throat, right before Billy dug his fingertips on your jaw, forcing your head back to crush his mouth to yours in a bruising kiss, all teeth and tongue and hunger. He bit down hard on your lip when you failed to kiss back fast enough.

"Don't be a brat" He warned you as you shook your head, trying to clear it, to break out of his spell.

"You shouldn't be here, Billy" You breathed out, praying your words would come out steadier than you felt, "The police sent another alert for you. They think you killed that doctor, the pretty one…" 

You felt him stiffen at your back, felt the tip of his knife poke at your soft flesh where the shoulder meets the neck. 

"And you want to know if it's true?" He spat, "Is that what you're asking?" 

"Billy…"

His blade snapped the strap of your dress, the hand around your waist travelling up to cop your newly exposed breast. 

"They're right. I did it." He rasped, flickering your nipple, sending sparks of electricity straight down your spine, "She told me I had to let you go, so I pushed her out the window"

His tone was laconic, and you couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or telling the truth. What was worse, you didn't care. He was a murderer, and a traitor. He was a sociopath without even a recollection of his own crimes. He was a ticking time bomb. You should have been fighting him, should be pushing him away, should be running for your life.

You should be calling Frank.

Instead, you leaned back into him, let him rut against you, let him bury his nose in your hair, relished in the erratic little puffs of air caressing your nape. 

"I can't do that" he confessed, brokenly, between pants, "Can't stay away from you, can't let you go…"

His words rang true. It was something you had wondered about, what with Madani and Frank and the fucking FBI hot in his heels, why he kept coming back to you. Well, now you knew: he was just as doomed as you, had sealed both your fates the night he had chosen to fuck you instead of killing you. 

"I was always crazy about you, did you know that?" He had told you, pacing back and forth, eyes frantic, bright with unshed tears, and you had suspected he wasn't seeing you, that his mind was conjuring up some scene from the past inside his head, bringing it back to life as he spoke, "You would hug me goodbye, and all I could think about was your hot body against me. Wanted to push you up against the nearest wall and kiss you, touch you, bury myself between your pretty legs… All you had to do was walk into the room and I was hard for you. At the bar with Curtis, at the park with the Castles. Even once at the Zoo!" He had barked a dark, humorless laugh.

"I always held back, though. Do you know why?"

You had shaken your head no, not trusting your voice, embarrassed at yourself, at the effect his words were having on you while he was pointing a gun at your face.

"Because Frank and Curtis always told me you were off limits. But now, after this?" He had gestured at the constellation of scars marring his still painfully handsome face, "I don't think I owe them my loyalty anymore… do you?"

That night, he had rubbed the cold barrel of his loaded Beretta against your slit until you came, twice. 

The scrap of teeth against your skin brought you back to the present, to Billy's calloused fingers trailing up your leg, slipping under your skirt. You pressed your knees together, closing your thighs in a feeble attempt to halt his hand that even to you felt half hearted. He simply kicked your knees open, his leg between yours stopping you from closing them again, then he took his time savouring his victory, blunt nails softly scraping at the delicate skin of your inner thigh, up and up, until he reached his goal.

"Is this the secret you were trying to keep from me?" You could practically hear Billy's smirk in his voice, as a single digit skimmed the damp patch on your underwear, "how wet I make you?"

"Bill-"

The flat of his knife pressed against your nipple, a warning, making you gasp.

"Don't ever try to hide from me again" You felt his finger slide under your simple cotton panties, "understood?"

You nodded, submissively, as he teased you, fingertip circling your clit, tracing your slit, but never going in, never remaining in the same place to bring you anything else than the most transpicuous shadow of pleasure. 

"Good girl" Billy rewarded you by sinking one of his fingers inside you, massaging your sensitive walls on his way in and out, until you sagged boneless into his arms. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you look when you surrender to me?" 

He chuckled at your whine, perfectly aware that, as talented as his fingers were, one alone was not enough to bring you the satisfaction you craved. But that was not his goal tonight. No, tonight, Billy was out for blood. 

"What is it, baby?" He purred, "Do you need something?" 

"More" You breathed out, "need more" 

His blade was under your other strap now, his forearm a vice across your chest, keeping you trapped as the heel of his hand crushed your clit with enough force to make you cry out. You felt the strap snap, cool night air kissing your nipple.

"Ride my hand" Billy commanded, finally, finally slipping a second finger inside you, "and beg"

Bastard. 

He loved pushing your buttons, obliterating your patience, your pride and your dignity. 

It was liberating. 

You started moving your hips, almost losing your balance as the arm supporting you abandoned your chest and Billy tilted forward to bunch your skirt at your waist with the hand still holding the damned knife, to get a clear view of your pelvis, of your small thrusts, of his fingers disappearing time and time again inside your delicious little pussy. 

It was the most erotic thing he had ever witnessed, and he had seen plenty of obscene things in his life. 

Billy's chin was poking almost painfully at your shoulder, and you didn't need to open your eyes to know he was watching attentively. He always watched, with such a wonder in his eyes, a hunger in those beautiful onix eyes, that made it hard to feel self-conscious, the ever present voice of insecurity at the back of your head instantly silenced by the naked desire in his gaze. You had never felt more wanted in your life, than when you were with Billy. 

And his praises certainly didn't hurt.

"Fuck, so fucking gorgeous, riding my hand…"

"Billy… please…"

"There she is" He muttered, almost to himself, "you beg so pretty, my obedient girl…" 

Oh, it was bad, the way you shivered whenever he called you his. It shouldn't affect you the way it did, you shouldn't want it… but you did. And you couldn't hide it from him, your body was a traitor, your reactions impossible to contain.

If you only knew the trouble that would get you, you would have tried harder to conceal them. 

But he could read your body like a magazine, knew the exact moment when to withdraw his fingers, just a second before you started clenching on them, the precise instant before you came, too early for you to tumble over the edge but too late for you to be able to come down. 

He knew just how to leave you aching for it.

"I love seeing you like this, my little bird, completely at my mercy. You'd take anything I'd give you, do anything I'd say right now, wouldn't you?" 

You gulped. You shouldn't. You shouldn't.

You felt his quiet laugh against your nape.

"Oh yeah," he decided, "you would…"

The room spun and the floor was swept from under your feet, in two movements, Billy had you sprawled on your couch, head on the pillows, legs dangling from the arm rest. It wasn't the most comfortable of positions but you had no time to complain as Billy made quick work of your dress, his sharp blade ripping easily through the light fabric.

"I always dreamed about ripping this dress off you" He mustered, soft voice at odds with the almost feral look in his eyes. The sane part of your brain screamed danger. And it had little to do with the fact that the man hovering above you, caressing your skin with a hunting knife, was a killer. It went well beyond that. This was a different kind of danger, the slope of his cheekbones a different type of treacherous, the taste of his kiss a hazard to your heart, the weight of his body on yours a threat to your sanity. 

Billy was wild and unpredictable and entirely too beautiful, the perfect predator, one you didn't even want to escape. You were powerless, the mesmerized hare in the maw of the wolfhound. 

He was going to eat you alive.

"I wanna do something now, princess, something you will like" He hurried to add at your alarmed expression: It wasn't like Billy to give you a warning, "but I need you to stay very very still, can you do that for me?" 

"I… Billy, what-"

"Wrong answer, baby" He produced something from his back pocket, your pleasure ridden mind too slow to process what he was doing until the plastic zip tie was securing your wrists together. 

"No rope today?" You raised an eyebrow. Billy smiled,

"No, not today. Not for this" His kissed you then, stealing your breath and your thought process, not letting you go until he felt you melt into him again, pliant and docile just like he liked you. 

"Now baby, if you bring your hands down" He warned, pointing at where your hands were laying on the pillow above your head, "if you buck your hips, or try to close your legs, I will tie your ankles too, understood?" He waited until you nodded your understanding, blandishing his knife in front of your face, before dealing with your underwear in a single, quick slice, throwing the scraps away from your body. His blade glimed as he parted your knees, settling between your legs, raining chaste, butterfly kisses into your inner thigh, fingertips opening you up to him. You felt your own moisture seeping out, staining his fingers, and he groaned at the sight. 

"Fuck, look at you princess, you're dripping" He nuzzled at your clit, placing a teasing kitten lick on it, and then blowing cool air on it. You had to fight the urge to tilt your hips up in demand. Billy was a cruel man, establishing ridiculous rules and then pushing you anyway he could into breaking them. 

One of his long, dexterous digits massaged your entrance, still not going in.

"Please…" 

"Feeling empty, princess?" He mocked, "This pretty pussy needs to be filled?" 

"Yes, please" You begged.

"Well, you only needed to ask…" 

You startled at the unfamiliar feeling of something cold and hard against your entrance. 

"Shhhhh, baby girl" Billy soothed, eyes never leaving the place where he was sinking the handle of his knife inside your tight heat, "stay very still…" 

You bit your lip, trying to relax your muscles, opening your legs a little wider for him. 

"That's it… good girl…" He pushed the handle an inch deeper, a moan escaping your throat. It felt… soft. Harder and coarser than your silicone vibrator, but not unpleasantly so. 

Oh, no, it was very much pleasant, you decided, as Billy started rocking it in and out, burying it a little deeper with every movement, the ridges in the handle stroking your insides just right. 

"Should I make you come like this?" He inquired, never stopping the careful, deliberate strokes, "Think you can hold still as I make you come on my knife?" 

You shook your head no, you were having trouble remaining immobile as it was, desperate with the need to move and twist and convulse as he angled the handle to grace the perfect, sweet spot no one else had ever been able to find, yet Billy had seemed to master from the very beginning. 

"No? Need a little help for that?" He splayed one of his hands against your abdomen, huge palm pushing down almost painfully, easily keeping your hips pinned down. "Open wider, baby" 

You did as you were told, spreading your legs for him as far as they would go, as he picked up the pace, a hungry, almost angry look in his face as he brought you closer and closer to your peak. 

"That's it… fucking come for me, princess"

Your orgasm was still crashing over you when you heard the metallic clank of the Ka-Bar being tossed away from you, and felt Billy sink into you to the hilt in one hard, unforgiving movement. He didn't give you time to adjust or come down from your high before he started thrusting hard and fast, loving the resistance he felt from your body. 

"Fuck! So tight, clenching around my cock…"

"B-Billy…" You cried, but he didn't relent, instead covering you with his body, trapping you under him as his hips kept snapping against yours punishingly, bare skin against bare skin, and when had he taken out his t-shirt?

"No, baby, there's no escape" He spoke against your throat, punctuating his words with a harsh bite, "You're gonna take it… you're gonna take it all" 

You nodded, even as tears started to leak from your eyes, even as you struggled feebly against him, because the truth was you loved it. You love the pressure against your wrists, holding you in place, the bruise of his sharp hipbones hitting your inner thighs, you loved the overstimulation as Billy extracted every last drop of pleasured pain from your body.  

He sneaked a hand between your bodies, right under your navel.

"Fuck, baby" He moaned, "I can feel my cock moving inside you…" 

Somewhere in the part of your brain that was still somewhat capable of thought, you were not shocked. You could feel it too, overstretched, like he was breaking you in half. 

"Taking me so good… best pussy I ever felt… you were born for this, born to take my cock so deep" 

You trashed at his words, feeling another peak starting to build, high, so high you were terrified of the fall. 

Because you knew it would shatter you. 

His hand creeped lower, wicked thumb rubbing, unmerciful, at your oversensitive clit. 

Your hips bucked of their own accord, trying to dislodge him, leg instinctively trying to kick him off. Billy's other hand left your tied hands to press against your throat, warningly. 

"You're gonna come for me again, princess. Whether you like it or not." 

You liked it. Heavens help you, how you liked it. 

"And then, when your shaking and screaming my name, screaming for mercy…" His thrust were speeding up, becoming erratic, his ferric control finally breaking, "I'm going to come inside you… fill you up with my come… until you're dripping with it. Do you know why, princess?"

You really hoped it was a retorical question, you were far too delirious, too cock drunk too form words. 

He licked into your open mouth,

"Because you're mine" 

Something inside you cracked, the pressure too much for the fault line as you felt it snap, the earthquake shaking you to the very bones. Billy cursed, hips raming into you once, twice, three times before he buried his cock into your cunt as far as it would go, grunting as he spent himself inside you just as he had promised. 

You must have blacked out for a minute, because when you came back into, Billy was onto you again, holding your trembling legs over his shoulders, licking you clean, each swipe if his tongue sending aftershocks through your ravaged, aching body. 

"Billy, please," Your voice was wrecked, you probably had been screaming without noticing, "no more" 

For a second, you were afraid he wasn't going to listen, but then he showed you mercy, crawling up your body, even as two of his fingers sunk into you, collecting your juices, making you whimper. 

"Open up, baby" He commanded, tracing your bottom lip with his fingertips. You obeyed, letting him sink his digits inside your mouth, wiping them clean on your tongue, "See how delicious we taste together?" 

You hummed your reply, unable to do much more. He seemed pleased enough with it anyway, if the way he gathered you in his arms, cradling you into his chest was anything to go by. You remained like that for a bit, catching your breaths, letting heartbeats return to normal, until Billy sighed, depositing you back on the pillows of your couch as he disappeared inside your apartment, your eyes gazing appreciatively the way his back muscles shifted and rippled as he walked. 

Sitting up, you rolled your shoulders, trying to get rid of the stiffness of having your hands above your head for so long. There was a forgotten water bottle on your coffee table that you managed to uncap with some effort to take a few gulps as Billy returned holding a wet towel and what you expected to be your nightgown, but frowned as you realized it was a sundress. 

You offered your tied hands to Billy so he could cut the zip, but he ignored you, focusing instead on cleaning you up with soft, careful touches. 

"What's that for?" You asked, gesturing at the dress, breaking the silence and the tension that seemed to had fallen between you. There was a shift in Billy, a squaring of his shoulders, a change in demeanor.

Some door shut behind his eyes.

"You were right" He declared, kneeling in front of you, eyes capturing yours, "I can't keep doing this, sooner or later someone, probably Frank, is going to notice…"

And unleash hell on both your heads. You knew this, knew whatever… this was with Billy had to come to an end at some point. 

That didn't mean it didn't hurt to hear it.

"I have a way out of the country, had for a while" He went on, "have a fat bank account offshore, a nice beach house, the works. Everything has been ready for months…" 

"Then why didn't you?" You prodded, "leave, I mean"

It was reaching, pathetically grasping at straws, you realized. But you had to know, if he felt anything about you, whatever that might be, you needed to hear him say it. You had ruined yourself, time and time again, slept with a traitor, with the man that had torn your makeshift family apart. If this was the last time you saw him, you needed him to say it. 

"Because I wanted to win" He replied, simply, "I want it all. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I want it all: I want the money and I want the girl" 

You stared, taken aback. That certainly wasn't the answer you were expecting.

"What do you mean, Billy?" You held your breath, having a feeling you already knew.

"I want you to come with me, Y/N" 

You wanted to.

You wanted to laugh in relief, you wanted to cry, you wanted to crush your lips to his, cause this was so much more than you had ever dared to hope, you wanted to say yes, let him sweep you off your feet and run away with him into the sunset. You wanted to.

You couldn't.

You thought of Frank, holed up in that trailer, trying so hard to protect that girl he had found, even though looking at her pained him everytime, because he couldn't help but see Lisa in her. Trying so hard to protect this kid cause he had failed to protect his own… You thought of Curt, sleeping with a gun under his pillow, letting the woman he was in love with slip through his fingers cause he wasn't willing to endanger her, to bring her into this war, the war they were fighting against the man currently kneeling in front of you.

You started shaking your head,

"Bill, I can't. Frank and Curtis… they're my brothers, the only family I have left, the only family we have left. I can't do that to them" Every word out of your mouth broke your own heart a little bit more, but you refused to yield, "I won't do that to them"

Billy's hand came up to cup your face, fingertips brushing your jaw. Foolishly, you leaned into his touch.

"Y/N, my love…" His grip turned iron like, forcing your head in place, "I wasn't asking" He sneered, his other hand, the one he had kept carefully out of sight without you even noticing, coming up, striking your neck, quick as a rattlesnake. You felt the sting of the needle, understanding dawning on you way too late.

Bastard.

Billy's cold-eyed grin was the last thing you saw before the world faded to black...

Next part

[rphelperblog]

Beautiful Creatures Rp Quote Meme

“You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet.”

“The right thing and the easy thing are never the same.”

“I never loved you any more than I do, right this second. And I'll never love you any less than I do, right this second.” 

“Teenagers. Everything is so apocalyptic.”

“I'm just the librarian. I can only give you the books. I can't give you the answers.” 

“Darkness can't drive out darkness only light can do that, Hate can't drive out hate only love can do that.” 

“Mortals. Everything is so black and white to you.” 

“The thing about fate is, are you the master of your fate, or are the stars?” 

“You climbed into my window in the middle of the night. So, either you're some kind of Vampire or some kind of Perv. Which is it?” 

“I wanted to stay this way forever. Which, it turns out, was exactly five more minutes.” 

“Without libraries what have we? We have no past and no future. Just ask Ray Bradbury.” 

“You couldn't take two roads. And once you were on one, there was no going back.” 

“I'll drive like my grandma. I'll drive like your grandma."

"You wouldn't say that if you knew my gramma.

“Close. Ernest Hemingway. In his own way, sort of the rock star of his time.” 

“Yeah, right. The things that I'm afraid of? You wouldn't even believe."

“This isn't going to be some freaky pagan sex thing, is it?”

“There were only two kinds of people in our town. ―The stupid and the stuck- ―The ones who are bound to stay or too dumb to go. Everyone else finds a way out.” 

"Shut up. You're so whipped I should buy you a saddle."

“She's not my girlfriend. We're just friends,"

“Why would you stick someone you love down in a lonely hole in the dirt? Where it's cold, and dirty, and full of bugs?”

“You can't jump off a cliff when you have already fallen off a bigger one.” 

“Wait, I got it. We, uh, won the battle and lost the war, or was it the other way around? 'Cause around here, it's hard to tell sometimes.” 

“Got it. Demon. Death. Doom.”

“It’s funny how you can live somewhere your whole life, but not really see it.” 

“They really hate you, yes they do. They hate everyone, how 'bout you?”

“It is difficult to free fools from chains they revere.”

“Nothing in my life is a coincidence.” 

“Those were the 'ifs' that kept me from making a fool of myself.” 

“I'm afraid. I know L. I don't want you to get hurt. I won't. What if you do. I'll wait for you. Even if I'm dark? Even if you're very very dark.” 

“I suppose I am a snob. I loathe towns. I loathe townspeople. They have small minds and giant backsides. Which is to say, what they lack in interiors they make up in posteriors.” 

“I guess this was what it felt like to love someone and feel like you had lost them. Even when you were still holding them in your arms.”

“You watch yourself. One day you're going to pick a hole in the sky and the universe is gonna fall right through. Then we'll all be in a fix” 

“Don’t think so. We all make our choices, and those choices have consequences.” 

“The guys were going down one road, and I was going down another.”

“Darkness, real darkness, was more than just a lack of light.”

“Even lost in the darkness, my heart will find you.” 

“You're incredibly, absolutely, extremely, supremely, unbelievably different.” 

“What is the opposite of two? A lonely me and a lonely you.”

“In one moment I was feeling everything and I was feeling nothing.”

“If a girl says not to get her a birthday present that means get me a birthday present and make sure it's jewelry.”

“Who burns me and shocks me and shatters me with a single touch.”

“Old things are better than new things, because they've got stories in them.”

“I care. They bother me. And that's why I'm stupid. That makes me exponentially more stupid than stupid. I'm stupid to the power of stupid.” 

Dig deep. Find your way to your soul.” 

"You know. Fall outta the crazy tree and hit every branch on the way down?” 

"Ultimately, it will be your burden to bear. It's always the Mortal who bears it. Trust me, I know."

“The anger welled inside me, with no where to go. I could feel it eating away at me. I knew if i didn't find a way to release it, it would destroy me.” 

“If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.” 

“I couldn't sit by and watch them try to take her down. Not her.” 

“There are only two kinds of people in our town. The stupid and the stuck."” 

“Jewelry, I'm telling you. It's a thing. And love. And maybe danger.” 

“We're gonna be late for English, and I gotta take these pantyhose off on the way. I'm gettin' a serious wedgie.” 

“Fate decides until challenged by the fated” 

“It was a promise she knew I might not be able to keep. But I made it anyway because I was going to find a way to make it true.” 

“It smelled like aging wood and creosote, plastic book covers, and old paper. Old paper, which my mom used to say was the smell of time itself.” 

“There is a place in the heart that will never be filled, a space, and we will wait and wait in that space.” 

“Butterflies in your stomach. That was such a crappy metaphor. More like killer bees.” 

“It almost felt like she was sucking it all out of me, like she sucked on that sticky red lollipop, the one she kept licking as she drove.”

“Get the hell away from my boyfriend, witch.” 

“Stupid to the power of stupid.” 

“I almost ran you down, remember? I have to be nice to you, so you don't have me arrested.” 

“Sports section and a sticky bun. Know what that means.” 

“My mom always said, "The right thing and the easy thing are never the same.” 

Guys don't talk about stuff like that. We just lie under the pile of bricks.”

"That's such a common phrase, such a cliche, and so unflattering. I suppose you believe in werewolves and aliens too. I blame television.” 

"Oh, no, not at all. I'm saying your daughter is a liar. Surely you can appreciate the difference.” 

“Mortals. I envy you. You think you can change things. Stop the universe. Undo what was done long before you came along. You are such beautiful creatures.”

[alicehattera03]

Alice I blame you and only you and spoon for the crazy amount of Athykiel angst that has accumulated in my life.... *takes a deep breath* gawwds😭 am I crying... Your innumerable LP Athy and Ezekiel fics have concocted the weirdest dreams in my head, and with every Athykiel fic I am being drowned into angstier thoughts. Today spoon just had to hit the last nail on the coffin. So I have come to a conclusion. I'm going to drown this coffin right into the sea.

Kiel's soulmate is and will only ever be LP Athy and by that I refer to both the Kiels out there. Yes, today I have imagined his love story to be the most tragic in wmmap if it already wasn't. He is one who's love has walked this earth another time. Separated by the passage of time. She was there, forlorn and lost as long as she lived. He is here dying with every hammer that wmmap athy brings down upon his heart(canon). Theirs us a story darker and more agonizing than Claudiana's. Just imagine, to be born in another lifetime, another century while possessing faint remembrances of your love from another lifetime. Who knows, maybe all of them are reborn like athy, failing the second life in Korea. Or maybe time was reversed back. Either way they are separated by the passage of time. This isnt even multiverses and tgat makes this terribly sad, there's no way of jumping parallel worlds and reaching. She is in another era abd unreachable. And Kiel, just in the manner of Claude is governed by the lingering yet connate desires, cravings of his heart, for his soulmate. Only difference is that Claude was chasing after the ghosts of a person who existed and still exists in another form, in another place. But Kiel's simply doesn't. Its just the strings of a belamour that is pulling but the strings don't lead anywhere, they hit a dead end. Unlike claude, no amount of curse removals, remembrances will bring back the memory of his perfect beloved, HIS OWN LOVER, HIS OWN MATE, not Lucas', but his own. Because there is no memory curse that is concealing or warping his love from him, she simply doesn't exist, but the love and want of her has breached timelines and is still residing in his heart, unfortunately, after all that is what attracted him to this athy. And that's the saddest part-athy exists...but not lp athy(I don't mean that they aren't the same person, they are, but time has made her a different person, she isn't his soulmate anymore. She was his when she was in the lp timeline.) Now times have changed and so has she, she isn't the same person anymore, she has breached the lines of time and space and that brought about a change in fate, her fate is with someone else now.

To have that person and yet not have THAT person.

We Athykiel shippers are doomed. 🤡 This angsty thought came to my mind after the Athykiel farewell that was today's episode. What's more tragic than a soulmate separated by time?

Anon...*wipes your tears* while I'm very happy you've read my Athykiel fics(I wonder if you've found the few thoughts scattered on my tumblr? *winks*) I'm also on your side cause IT IS ALL SO TERRIBLY SAD AND HEARTBREAKING OH MY POOR HEARTSTRINGS TO DIE ON THIS LONELY ISLAND FOR A LOVE THAT WILL NEVER BE?!?! LIES WHAT IS THIS BETRAYAL

I WAS HAVING THE SAME THOUGHT THOUGH LIKE here

and WHAT FAREWELL THERE IS NONE I SEE NONE I HEAR NONE I FEEL NONE *cries* I haven't bothered to open the ridi app to read the damn thing yet so it might as well not exist, it does not, my mind is free of farewells, no such thing, mhm hm.

Ah, timelines. These CURSED THINGS why exist when the one time you were supposed to be useful for a guy who waited LITERAL YEARS to be reunited with his love AND JUST GAVE UP ON HIM?? CAUSE WHAT!?!? I mean ok, Lucas is her endgame, I get that, everyone knows that, it's canon, it doesn't mean I have to be happy about seeing Ijekiel hurting all by himself!!!!!

Sure, he'll find someone else(surely, wow that is a real hateful thing, this is why I like reverse harems like just share and be happy you bish) and Athanasia will just become someone he's loyal to, but there's a small feeling in my heart that maybe, just maybe, as gentlemanly as he is, even when he marries, even if he has kids(or maybe he won't and he'll give it to a branch family(oh god no, ew a disaster) he'll always think of her and go to the meadow and daydream when he needs space. Their space.

They were together once, and yet, never were. They were meant to be, but were never united as one. They are the halves of a whole, but were always torn apart. We know that. He knows that.

And it hurts.

[sinnabonka]

Hey Hun! Lots of love to you. For starters I wanted to say that there should be no cell in your body blaming yself in any way. You and your blog were hope for so many people. You were the "you are not crazy" of the final weeks, and I'm forever grateful to you. Instead of dying of anxiety I managed to have a blast in this time of waiting, thanks to you. I passed my master thesis, because you gave me strength to see past the fear. I laughed in those weeks more than in last 5 years, and all of it because of the hope you gave me.

The rest of the msg is going to be pretty emotional rant about the awfulness of it all, and I know my opinion doesn't matter to anyone but I wanted someone important to me to hear my thoughts, if that's ok. It's also ok if you don't want to read it ofc. It's like my breakup letter to the show.

I hear many people cheering for the finale and i find it really hard to deal with. I always considered myself an open person who fights for healthy love as the only redeeming quality of the universe. I could see people's point of view, even if it didn't sit well with mine, and I would always try to hear them out respectfully until they weren't being respectful themselves. That said, I'm fully unable to understand cheering for this type of spiteful content and hearing those cheers makes me feel like the entire world is listening to "this is how you treat your fans, this is how to abuse your power over naive sheep, this is how to keep dumb, hopeful minorities in check" and taking notes.

It also upsets me that the people who gave this show all of themselves and tried to understand it to the core are given no resolution, are spitted on and buried under the rug for doing their best to appreciate the art and the story it was telling. Yet people, who just hang around and watch the show doing the dishes, with no consideration to it's story or characters, got as nonsensical ending as their whole idea of character development in SPN.

I know people say that it was good enough, because it leaves space for guessing and own interpretation, but I feel it's really undermining the extend to which the finale was awful and hurtful to the fans. There is no end that realistically could stop fanfic writers from finding way around it in the world of Supernatural, so saying it was thoughtful of them Is like excusing abusive partner because "they could hit me harder, but they didn't. That means they care"

Lose ends, characters being written in a way that is totally not true to them and their development (personally my biggest allegation), dismissing years of story development, proving that it was all 'queerbaiting' in big part in the end (hell, even the whole "Cas is in heaven so do with it what you will" is a shameful way of appalling to LGBTQ community after using them so hard.

In the pie scene, the roles should be swapped, it's Dean who should say that Cas is on his mind and Sam explaining him that it's only right to keep on living doing good in their name. That's what Dean told Sam at the beginning of the season, when Sam lost Rowena, so it would be at least a bit poetic. This would at least give us some truth from Dean for once, but he died how he lived, in shadow of his fear to be true towards his feelings and needs. And as he died, he bound his little brother to the hunting till the end of his days, by guilting him into it on his deathbed. Guess Dean took after his father.

Have you realised what that emotional "love speech" from Dean to Sam resulted in? It was writers taking back Cas' confession after they didn't need our viewership anymore.

They basically gave us love confession to get us to follow the finale and when they didn't need us anymore, not only they didn't commit to the confession, but they undermined it by having Dean's speech to Sam go the way it did with obviously higher emotional charge, successfully taking back the value of Cas' confession and making it about a bait for "Tumblr idiots"

Finale killed my feelings towards Destiel, not because it wasn't confirmed canon, but because from what I see in the episode, they canonically confirmed that

- for Dean, Cas was only means to an end, which is such an awful way of ending Cas' character arc. They gave him everything he was scared of and nothing close to consolation price and they dare to tell us he had a happy ending, "because they said so". Well, I didn't see him being happy, and knowing what i textually know i can empathise enough to say that he faced a miserable finish. Even Chuck got an end that was better than Cas' fate.

- Dean, given power to do anything he could dream of, chooses to not even greet Cas, after Cas gave his whole life to Dean, told him he loved him and died for him. I know some people consider the little smirk of Dean confirmation of his feelings, but let's be real for just a second. If someone you deeply loved for years confessed to you, told you they thought you don't love them back, you would be freaking running to see them and tell them how much you love them. That smirk to me reads as "I'm relieved to know you're not going to spend eternity in mega hell that i left you in" and we really need to stop giving credit to writers for scraps like this when it's the last episode ever and we know this isn't going anywhere.

Not to mention that by having Jack bring Cas back behind the scenes it just highlights the fact that Dean didn't ask him to do that in episode 19.

As result, I'm unable to look at any Destiel scene and not think "in here Cas already loved him and in here Dean already abuses the power he had over Cas, because of his one-sided love"

And yet, the episode and endgames for everyone (maybe not Sam, but he was seriously pinning for Dean his entire life. Wincest much?) managed to be so bad, that not even bringing Cas back or following up on Destiel would make a difference in my eyes. I know you believe that Destiel would save it, but for me as much as it would be a redeeming quality, it wouldn't be enough to save this awfulness that writer doomed characters with.

And all the Wincest scenes in the finale... I low key expected them to make out and it made me feel physically sick. Also, cutting Misha out because of coronavirus is a cheap excuse. We all know better than to believe that, so let's not fall for the self pity play from the abuser.

If you managed to stay with me till this point, thank you so much for hearing me out. I hope i didn't anger you with my monologue. I will always think of the lamp when i think of you. The reality is that you were the lamp for so many of us in this darkness.

Love you so much, wish all the best to you, take care of yourself and stay safe!

Oh my god, if I didn’t cry with the final, I definitely am crying now. And now I have to explain my partner why I’m staring at my laptop and sobbing ugly. What have you done? 

First of all, I hear you pain, my friend! I share it! I didn’t spend a second after the final without the feeling of my heart being shuttered into million pieces, being stitched back just to break again, and so on and so on. 

I had my first panic attack in two years yesterday, when I kept thinking about the message the show sent to the fandom via Dean’s fate. I have a few posts in my draft on the matter, but I am not sure I will ever share them, because it is one strong depresso, and I don’t think people following me should see how fucked up it really is (if they didn’t get it by themselves, of course). 

I want to remind you, my gentle soul, that the story belongs to us. We know Dean, we know Cas, we know Sam and others. We know that the final is not who they are! I know it’s hard to ignore the text, the canon, because it’s kinda godsent, but the truth is essential. And the final is not the truth.

The truth: 

Cas loves Dean, he sacrificed himself for him, he saved his life on multiple occasions, he told all those beautiful things and he meant every word.

Dean loves Cas, he was on his lowest every time he lost him, Cas was his “big win”, his best friend, his brother, his white light that lead him out of his anger, hatred and despair. He took a dog and called it Miracle, he was looking for a job to retire from hunting, he didn’t kill Chuck - all of that, because the sacrifice Cas made was not in vain! The message was clear. 

I choose to ignore the “Carry on”, the only attention it is going to get is me creating 20 more mails just to put a one star review there and to drop some more salty or bitter comments with it. Maybe I will read through some reviews, too, add them to my collection. 

Maybe I will one day write here an article from scriptwriting perspective how fucked up in was, because that’s what I can do about it, without throwing up. 

If you can’t ignore it, I understand it. It is painful, it is disrespectful, I hate it as much as you do, probably. 

If there’s anything I can do for you to feel better, just drop me a message, we can talk about it. I am on the lowest, too, but maybe we can help each other.

You say I was your lamp. Let me lead you our of the darkness one more time <3 

CW can suck my metaphorical dick (I’m tagging every angry post with it), but Supernatural is not just the show on CW, it’s a big family. 

And you can’t give up on it! You can’t give up on Dean and Cas, you can’t give up on Destiel! It’s so much bigger then the show itself.

Rediscover the show for yourself, remind yourself that Dean and Cas are real, it was never one sided, it was always something amazing. 

What is real? We are.

Don’t you ever change.

I rather have you, cursed or not.

It’s love, hun, and love always wins.