#i'm going ''aww kids'' as if i'm not only 22 years old | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ilkkijangege · 1 year ago

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Since I have reached character limit on the other post, time for a new one!

8 June

As always, I have been meaning to talk to him all day but I've been very shy, it's been nearly a month since we last talked kasi 🤣 I was over at GG's desk for a really long time at around 3pm and I really wanted to talk to him then but he was talking to his colleagues so I didn't want to interrupt.

Then at 4.30pm ish, I walked over to his area and saw he wasn't there so I went to the kitchen instead and saw GG. I told him about my dilemma (me wanting to talk to him but he wasn't there) then he told me how he was shocked at how old he was. He thought he was only 22 🤣 (like Vanessa 🤣 does he really give off young kid vibe? It's defo the youngest child syndrome 🤣). He said that BCB wants to move out, at least by the time he is 30. Which is fair. Let's go imma move out with you, live in CHAR.

Then GG saw that he returned to his desk and I should go over now. 🤣 Thanks for the support 🤣 but... I didn't end up going though but I ran into the IG QA and we walked to the lockers, she asked me how I was and I told her how I'm mustering the courage to talk to someone THEN OUT OF NOWHERE I SAW HIM EMERGE FROM THE SHADOWS AND GO TO THE BINS. I was shook, we locked eyes and said hello to each other and I walked up to him. Told him "you want cookies?" "What are they? Chocolate chip" then he was a bit hesitant to take them and asked "baka yan ung nung isang araw?" I told him "no! I baked them last night" 😂 so he took one and we started talking further. He asked me how "ate mary" was. I told him he's really sick, found swelling in her stomach and had sonogram, sabi nya "buntis?" Sabi ko "baka" and we laughed haahah he was so fidgety when we were talking tho, like shaking his legs, i don't wanna overthink but ya know 😂 then I told him how I've only been gone for 2 weeks because I had a panic attack but feels like a year with all the changes. He thought I was out of Ireland, he saw my stuff (but you didn't like them hmmmpp) then he told me about his Italy trip, how he was annoyed because the main reason he went to Italy was for F1 but it was cancelled because of the flooding, then he said how it was raining all the time and he was jealous how everyone in Ireland was sunbathing. But it was sunny on their last day. Then I told him "narinig mo na lilipat daw tayo 1st of September?" He said he has and I told him official comms next week and that we all have to be in Sandyford by 4th September. I also told him that I don't know how they're going to move our PCs and all. He said, he wouldn't mind it because he'll get paid to do nothing 🤣 But he said he wants to leave this shithole in the next 3 months because the last 3 months have been very difficult with him. I agreed with him and said "kaya nga nag mental health leave ako" 🤣 but yeah the pressure has been real in work. I hope his mental health is okay tbh. We just parted ways then. He thanked me for the cookies "thanks te!" STOP ATE ZONING ME 😂

Then at around 5:30, I went back to GG, talked a bit and he said he had a case for Chad's product and he needed help. BCB used to work for Chad's product so I told GG "why don't you ask BCB?" so he did and I stayed while he helped GG. He seems so knowledgeable though and really knew what he was talking about. Love that 🤣 then GG told me "you know he did 40 cases yesterday??" I was shook. GG went back to his desk and I asked him how the cookies were, he gave me "👌🏻" hand gesture and said they're good. I told him I am the cookie queen 😂 (GG agreed my cookies were good while walking back) I told him he should have tried my mystery cookie, he said I should bring it the next time. He's not a sweet person daw kasi cos his mom has diabetes and his Dad died of diabetes, I said "aww. Diabetes really runs in the Filipino genes." He said it's all the rice etc. Then he showed me American Guy alien and how it looks like Filipinos- with all the beer and rice. I told him I was reading this book and how rice has arsenic and could kill you. He just laughed. Then I asked him how he was still alive after doing 40 cases. I joked and said "baka passes lang yang cases mo" Then He said it was the WSIs in their product and how he was part of s group that was in charge of merging to the task, in total, they probably did 200 cases among them. Work has truly been crazy. Then I said my farewell "I'm going to study".

That's the end of our interaction today 😂 But I'm very happy. I didn't think he would share about his dad tbh. I've always wondered what happened to him but kudos to him for sharing. It's probably not easy to. I told my seastar how I want to ask him if he has any guys for my seastar but I didn't get a chance to, let's build rapport muna ulit. Then I also imagined that maybe I can ask him if he has anyone for me too and maybe he'll be like "ako na lang kaya?" HAHAHAHAHA bro please let's date 🥹Oh GG showed me his roster and I saw that BCB will be off next week for a long weekend. His sister mentioned a family trip for their mom's 60th so idk if that was it. 😂 Anyways, I still need to discern how to ask him out. But I hope we can still be friends even if he rejects me. I think we can get along tlga huhu 😭 I told my seastar what happened with the cookies and she was like "wow progress" 😂 but aaahhhhh

.....

9 June

Our interaction was a bit late today because I had so much meetings and everytime I wanted to talk to him, he was always talking to someone else.

So at around 1pm ish, I went to grab water at our water cooler. Then I saw him go to the meeting room beside it for a team meeting. He said hi and asked how I was etc. Very casual all talk.

Then I went over at his again at nearly 5. I usually just stand when I am talking to him but this time I decided to sit beside him. I had 2 cans of Mango Aloe Vera with me. Firstly I asked him "kamusta" etc and he was like "balita". I asked him if he's tried the mango, he said he has 2 at home but he prefers the green one, i said same hahaha. I told him my brother wanted me to get some.

Then i told him about the Filipino weirdo in his team. "narinig mo ung nangyari dyan kanina?" Backstory, I was over at GG's desk and this weirdo just randomly came over and was all up my face, asking me weird questions. He said like he's like that but just don't mind him etc i spoke to him in tagalog hahaah he said even my ex bff's hubby don't like him. Then he kept getting called for help so it was so annoying hahaha. Then i heard he was working on IF today and I asked him why, I heard their backlog is done. He said they had a bug where the case statuses were being changed by the bot so he was asked to work on it for the day.

Then i asked him if he's working weekend, he said no, and asked about me, i said no i asked him what his plans were but he said "oh wait you're a QA" we got interrupted for help then when he came back, he was like "I'd be a great QA won't I?" Sabi ko I'll help you 😂

Then we talked about Br*hian being QA. He said he's happy for him. But I said I really wanted Mary to get it. He asked me how Br*hian is as a TL. He thought "the really tall lady" was the QA lead. Then how they wont backfill Al*nnah's role. He asked me when her last day is etc. He's worried about who his qa will be.

Then he saw his colleague had cetrine and he asked for one. I told him my eyes have been itchy cos of hayfever 😂

I wanted to ask him for lunch yeah so I asked him if he's still on lates next week, he said yeah so I'll wait til he is on the earlies 😂

Then our convo just died and i told him to enjoy his weekend and he said "enjoy your weekend too"

I had dinner with my seaster and Vane and I told them I'll give him my mystery cookie flavor. Vane said I should step back after giving him cookies and see if he does something in return and if there's nothing, I should explore my options. But I really do want to take the risk. If not now, when? I don't want us to end up like Chad where I felt if I did something sooner, we could've explored our connection but maybe I was just delusional 😂

....

10 June

I had a dream that he replied to my story (about me hurting my feet) on IG (for the first time) with the following:

"Where did you hurt your feet?

Oh I went to the shop today (inside Rise on The Cove) and enjoyed it!

Thank you for the recommendation!"

Hahhaah ok xD

.....

13 June

Another day, another landi moments with BCB.

So I baked miso and almond butter cookies to give to him. I've been busy today so I specifically planned when to go to his desk.

At around 4.30, I went over to him and was like "uy parang seryoso ka dyan ha" i think he laughed, asked me how I was and I said I was having an existential crisis, he asked why and I said I just didn't want to be here anymore ahahah

Then I plopped the cookies on his desk. I didn't tell him what the flavour is but I told him it's not too sweet. He was guessing if it was ginger cookies because of the color but I told him it's obscure and only 1 person has been able to guess what it is so I'll be really surprised if he gets it 😂 - he was laughing when I said "obscure" 😂 - I gave him 3 para "i like you" charrrrrr

Then I asked him if he's seen the lunch for Thursday. He didn't know there was a group where they post menu for the whole week. So I told him to search for thr group and when he saw the menu, he was surprised. It was a Filipino themed lunch and he was laughing at pancit canton. He asked me "okay lang ba videohan toh?" I said yeah since it's not sensitive info. He said he wanted to send it to his "ate" but it looks like he sent it to his family GC. One of the menu item is Picadillo and I asked him if he knows what it is - he didn't and I explained it to him.

He started looking up the desserts - silvanas and I told him it's like sans rival. He also looked up buko pandan (like you dont know? 😂) And said that people might not like them because kf how it looks. He also questioned what kind of Mango they'll use on the Mango Tomato salad and whether it is the sour one hahaah

So I was gonna ask him to have lunch together eventually but I told him we were thinking of having lunch with the Filos and he was like "we should have a table dedicated to us" ahahha I was gonna ask him if he's down to have lunch when he's on the early shift but it's so hard to bring it up.

He asked me about M*ry and how she is. He still has not sent her a message and asked if we have been talking. I told her she's online shopping and asking me my opinion on what to get in Michael Kors 😂 He said "typical but as long as she is okay"

He then told me he doesn't want to work anymore "tangina" ako din, ako din 😂

Then i asked him if he's seen the timeline of when we're moving, he said he hasn't so i told him to look for it on our workplace and he did.

I just left him then, he said thanks for the cookies and he'll let me know. KELAN FAM? Through IG? In person? He better do because I'm curious if he will get it 😂

Cute nya today though, wearing a white striped shirt yieeeee, i wish i could compliment him like that but I'm shy 😂 so let's just joke around ng konti 😂

Mag papamiss ako bukas and we'll see if maalala nya 😂

...

14 June

So nag pa miss muna ako today, para hindi nya na din mahalata na xa lang kinakausap ko etc

But anyways, couple outfits kami 😂 black and white ensemble. Cute pa din nya nakakainis.

I saw him in our MK at around 2pm. We were like 15 ft apart but idk if he saw me so we didn't really get to talk today. Which is g, can't show him that I'm always/too available 😂

But I wonder if he remembers the cookies? I'm off on Friday so I might just talk to him on Monday 😂 but i really wanna have lunch with him 😭

....

15 June

So it was Filo food today in work. I wasn't going to talk to him but I was in his area talking to GG so I just did.

I asked him if he ate and what he thought. He said "oh that's definitely not Filipino food" 😂 We talked about the buko pandan not being good and he even had his cup to show me he's only eaten 1/4 of it. I told him how I had lunch with the Filos and how one of them said there's a lot of chewing involved when there shouldn't be 😂 Intold him silvanas was good tho, he asked "the meringue cookie?" he agreed.

Also his outfit was good today again, black button down, opened and he had a white tshirt inside. HE'S BEEN LOOKING GOOD THIS WEEK AND IT'S TUGGING ON MY HEARTSTRINGS 🥹🥹🥹 I wish I could compliment him.

Then i asked him if he figured out my cookie flavor, he said he didn't so he asked and I told him it was miso and almond butter. He was like "miso? As in the soup? No that's not miso" then I said well miso soup has a lot of components 😂 but he said "i enjoyed it tho, thanks!" Then I told him I'm glad he did. I'm so annoyed tho, I should have told him i like experimenting because of my future cafe plans ahhaha

He told me he is off for 4 days and that he's looking forward to it. I asked him PTO or normal day off, he said PTO, he was supposed to go back to Italy but said it wasnt worth it to spend €1,000 in 2 days. I heard him say "8 thousand" so I was like "8k?? What kind of vacation do you go to 😂" Turns out he said "a thousand" 😂 I think there's something weird going on at home cos it's his mom's birthday weekend and he chose not to go. Also the fact that his mom didn't greet him on his birthday. My intuition is always right I'm telling you 😂

Then we parted ways there since I had nothing else to say, so told him "enjoy your day" and he said the same to me 😂 I was gonna go back but I didn't. 😂 But I did see he is off first 2 weekends in July and those are the weekends I wanna ask him out. I hope his schedule doesn't change. I kinda also wish we could try Escape Room again so we can spend more time outside work kinda thing before I ask him out.

I wish he's on earlies next week so I can ask him to have lunch or something 🥹🥹🥹 Anyways, need to start Novena next week and discern if I really wanna ask him out for coffee.

....

19 June

So today was an interesting one. We were on the bus together and when he got on, we locked eyes and I was sitting at the back 😂

Then we got off the bus together, I said hey and so did he.

After breakfast, he was at his QA's desk just as I was walking back to mine. We said hey again hanggang dun na lang kami. Pa-introvert kasi ate nyo today 😂

We didn't really interact much today. I haven't started my Novena yet but I have decided to not ask him out for coffee just yet. I think I'll end up in Congress still discerning about this. I told Mary about my plan and she told me not to do it because we don't talk privately. She said I should build that connection first, otherwise, things may get awkward between us. She said I should send him memes and all but how? I think once we talk more about what we're into, I guess these things will come naturally. I do want to get to know him more as a person, even if it is just friendship. I think he's a really good guy and I've always wanted a guy best friend. Vanessa agrees that I should let this connection grow, to be more present around him and all. Wait a month to see if there's something there and then maybe ask him out. I'll let the winds blow our sails and see where it takes us. At this point, he probably only sees me as a colleague and nothing more so I should make an effort to change that.

I gave people ube crinkles today and Mary offered him some but he said he doesn't like ube 😂 and that's shocking. He said he likes basic flavours because he's a basic bitch. 😂 Okay fam 😂 Then Mary said how I'm such a great baker that he should hire me for his future cafe, but he said he already has someone else in mind. BADUM TSSS 😂

Then after his lunch, I bumped into him going to the bathroom, we exchanged hellos, he asked me "you good" and also asked him the same 😂 I thought keeping my distance would be the way to go but I will hit the reset button on our connection and try to be more playful. I might start calling him kuya 😂 and if he does dress up nicely this week, I'll joke around "aba parang effort ng suot ngayon ha, sino pinopormahan natin dyan?" Or something like that 😂

Oh and he got recognised as an Escalation Champion in work today 😂 i wanted to tease him about it but I'll do it tomorrow like "wow, ginalingan mo ha 😂" or something

We're still gonna go ahead with our escape room and I'll ask him etc 😂

Also I hope I can ask him for lunch this week or something.

But Lord, I leave this all up to you. Please remind that Your plans are greater than mine.

....

22 June

So it's been a while since we properly spoke to each other because I'm a chicken 😭 so today, I did my usual, go to GG and then to him.

So I go to him "musta?" Then I teased him about his recognition sabi ko "wow ginalingan nya" tumawa lang xa 😂 but he said thanks naman 😂

Our convo was very dry today honestly, i asked him how he was and he said nothing new etc. Then i asked him if he's on lates or earlies next week, he said he's back on lates for 2 weeks. I asked him if he fought for it and he said he's not bothered WFM is shit. And i hate myself kasi I wanted to have lunch with him sometime. I should have said "ay sayang, lunch sana tayo." Always missed opportunities 😭 He asked me if we (QAs) are busy, I said kinda lol na miss mo ako noh? Di kita nakakausap ng mabuti noh 😂

Then i asked him how he feels about the new monthly schedules. He said they gave them a feedback form but they're not going to read it anyway. He said gusto na nya umuwi, I feel you 😂 He asked me ano ginagawa ng QAs nila cos he hasn't gotten an audit in a while. I told him I am not sure who he's assigned to cos I don't have access to our file. He asked if the assignment changes every month but I said if really depends. He said he doesn't care about his quality anymore cos quantity na lang sinasabi sakanila. Then I expressed feelings of quitting sabi ko mag ddole na lang ako and he said last resort nya daw un. bsta our convo was so dry so I asked him "baka iniistorbo na kta dyan ha", he said hindi daw 😂 pero I said bye na din cos I had a meeting to go to.

We'll see if kausapin ko xa bukas cos GG is off. I'll think about it. 😂

.....

23 June

So we didn't really talk today because I was dressed like Bianca and she's an introvert 😂

Buttttt I have an embarrassing story to tell. I was at the trainer's area cos of Vanessa, it was empty and there I was dancing to Black Eyed Peas' My Humps. Then I look up and sees him walking to the QA area for his QA. SO EMBARRASSING 😂

But he was dressed really nicely today 😭 Pano ko ba xa aasarin? Huhuhu

I am still contemplating whether I should ask him out... 😭

...

26 June

I am surrendering everything to God and going with the flow. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I'm sick of being the only one putting in the effort. Like I said, he probably only thinks of me as a colleague/a QA and that's okay.

I'll let Jesus take the wheel. Maybe it is also a calling for me to refocus my energy in work in making sure that I truly deserve to be the next Senior QA.

Lord, kayo na po bahala. I trust You and your plans for me.

......

28 June

So I actually planned to ask him out today but I postponed that.

But I think it's time I let go. I was speaking to him and we were talking about his schedule and I slipped in "lunch tayo paminsan" and he was like "ha?" Or "what" I cannot remember so I repeated myself and he was just silent. It was so awkward so I just said bye and he said "sige bye ingat".

So Jesus, take the wheel 😂 honestly I don't care at this point, I'm up for promotion again and maybe that's where I'm called for. Que sera sera, baka sa congress ko pa makilala ang para sakin. 😂

...

29 June

So I practically ignored him today but I did see him very briefly.

I posted Ben&Ben's new song on my story at around 00:08 (it is 00:39 right now) and he's already viewed it, he's at the top too. It's a parinig song to him actually 😂 LIKE HOY ANO BA 🥹🥹🥹

Yoko na

.....

30 June

I have been thinking lately, I think there's been a major shift in our conversations for a while now. Like before, we would be talking really well but it seems he hasn't been telling me things. It is so hard to get to know him BAKIT BA. I wonder if nakutuban na xa if I like him or what. Like....??? Did anyone tell you? 😂

I mean over na ako let's move on bye. Di ko na tlga xa kakausapin, I will not go near his area anymore 😂

....

6 Jul

So today, for the first time in 1 week we were in close vincinity(?). Like during lunch, I passed by him but I ignored him 😂 I mean he could have said hey if he wanted to. Bakit ako na lang lagi nag iinitiate ng conversation dba?

We were both wearing beige tho 😂

We'll see if we talk to each other again. I mean sabi ko if he says hi then I'll also say hi pero kung ayaw nya edi wag 😂

.....

7 Jul

So he hasn't viewed any of my stories today, baka may iba na xang pinopormahan 😂 it's whatever 😂

UPDATE: 00:36 - HE VIEWED MY FIRST STORY AND THEN EXITED THE REST 😂

....

12 July

I handed in my notice on Monday with no job prospects. I was just done. But anyways, I think I will slowly talk to him again and eventually ask him out on my last day, 1st of September, that is if he's still around 😂 whatever happens, bahala na. Missed opportunities hurt more than rejection. I want to close my Accenture chapter with no regrets and what ifs.

....

14 July

So I talked to him today after 2 weeks. I offered him cookies but he declined saying na he's stomach is not in good shape 😂 okurrr, then I asked him how are things but we've really just been talking about work lately. He said they're not busy daw etc and then I asked him if he's gonna do overtime cos the Philippine team got food poisoning and need coverage for 4 days. He said he'll do it on Monday and I asked him "why??" He said he needs the money cos he's going to the Philippines next year. i think fair enough 😂 but I told him about the conspiracy na they're gonna introduce those shifts eventually. I can't remember na but I asked him again if he wants cookie but he still didn't want so I just said bye to him 😂

But idk, should I let go? I think I'll just continue to discern about this and see. I told a close colleague about this and she's like he's a good man by not accepting the cookies etc etc as to not lead me on but honestly, idk. Then I told my seastar about how our convo was dry etc. She asked me how I feel and I told her i feel good that i was able to talk to him etc. She asked if I should continue with it or not but it's a reflection that I have to make for myself. I'll pray for this because at the end of the day, how can I end something that has not even started?

Lord, please show me the way. 🥹

....

17 July

Okay, so today was a rollercoaster of emotions. The usual, IG QA and I would walk to the MK together via his section. While we were walking, I asked her: Should I give up? THEN I KID YOU NOT HE EMERGES FROM THE SHADOWS AGAIN LIKE BEFORE. I said hey as we were walking past him but I couldn't hear an audible "hey" back from him. But idk, IS THIS A SIGN GOD? Huhuhu please don't play with me 😭😭😭

I bumped into him during lunch but we didn't exhange pleasantries.

Then he usually don't view my stories quick lately but today, he viewed my story within 30 mins. Idk I'm always overthinking this.

IG QA also tells me that I seem bougie and maybe I'm scaring him off. See, I may love my brands and all but I'm really not as high maintenance as people perceive me to be. I am high maintenance for myself but I do not expect anyone to buy this and that for me because I am contented with doing that for myself.

I told Vane of what happened in fhe morning and she told me I should really let go. I told her of my plan to ask him out on my last day but she was really against that. At the moment, he doesn't seem like the type to want a relationship and knowing me, I wouldn't date just for fun. She told me, when men wants a relationship, it will show. Vane also really wants the best for me. I'm not saying that he's out of my league but it would be nice to not have all the what ifs.

That being said, this area of my life will be one of things I will pray for during Congress and I hope that God will give me clear signs and intervention. I am ready to let go if it is the Lord's will. I just hope thay BCB would make the effort sometimes too.

Hay Lord, I know when the time is right, You will make it happen.

I'm off until the 27th of July and hopefully by then I'll be more at peace.

.....

30 July

So last weekend, I was in Vienna for the EYSC and I really prayed for this connection, whether I should keep on chasing or let it go.

I feel God really told me to let it go and that it's not time for me yet. Final na tlga toh. I am not going to force it if it's not God's will tlga. It's sad to let go of something that hasn't even started but I know God has plans for me and for him na din. I wish him happiness because he seems like a good guy.

I also went to Salzburg to meet up with my INFJ sister and she affirmed to me that I should "attract and not chase". God really does speak to us through other people sometimes and it's wonderful.

Lord, I leave everything up to you. This may not be my time yet for a love life but I know breakthrough is coming if I put my trust in you. Amen.

...

10 August

I didn't really want to update this anymore but...

Yesterday, I was over at GG's desk and it was someone's last day on their team and there was a card going around, BCB had it and he came around to ask if everyone has signed it. He went over to GG but didn't say hi to me, but I also did not look at him. At first, this really made me feel bad for myself but one of my colleagues, reassured me that it's a 2 way street, he should have also said hey. And I hate overthinking but he definitely knows I like him/has a crush on him. I mean I am not bothered anymore but I think it just sucks.

I think it's hard not to think about these things when he still views my stories. Like skip me na lang please.

**update -- I found out from GG that he's leaving. He got a job as an IT Support for a Law Firm in the Docks. Bro, get me a trainee solicitor job will you 😂 jk

.....

22 August

I turned 28 yesterday. But he didn't greet me or acknowledged any of my posts.. haaayy.

Anyways... so IG QA and I would always walk his area going to the Micro kitchen. Then IG QA was looking over at him and apparently, as I was walking, his gaze was following me. I hate it so much, like you haven't been paying attention to me and now you are? Then it happened again during the afternoon. Lord, why are you doing this to me?

Then just before home time, I went to the bathroom and as I was exiting the women's, he was entering the men's and he audibly said "hello" to me. Ngl, I was smiling the entire time I was walking back to my desk.

Lord, naman, if there's still something there, please give me a clear sign because I really hate this overthinking. I just want peace of mind and happiness. 🥹 Ready na talaga ako mag let go eh, pero if may chance pa talaga, I want to know 🥹

....

23 August

Is the Lord testing me again? Honestly, if may crush xa sakin then sabihin nya na before it's too late, we can give it a try.

....

25 August

So he said "morning" to me today, as in with matching eye contact. He went to the QA lift and he turned around to me And he is still watching me as I walk past his area, or at least glancing at me.

Maybe I am attracting na? 😂 But Lord, please allow him to do something if there's something there.

He only has 3 more working days left in the office. I mean maybe he'll reach out on IG? 😂

But honestly, who knows when or if we'll ever cross paths again. Unless his sister plans a get together at her house or something but idt I'll ever bump into him in town or the likes.

Hay Lord, are you testing me again?

.....

29 August

So nakapag usap kami today after nearly 3 months. I mean kasalan ko naman un kasi nilayuan ko xa.

But not the point, he still keeps on staring at me everytime i walk past his area and this started after birthday ko. Srsly, am I atttacting and type mo na ba ako? 🥹

Tapos todayyyy, he was doing shadowing dun sa room malapit sa area namin, IG QA needed it for a certain hour but in the end she had to cancel so tinawag nya si BCB to come out of the room and nandun ako sa gilid so I could hear some of their convo. Tagal nila nag usap and IG QA was shook at how talkative he is. Then she goes to me "did you hear?? He was asking for you! He said "Is Bianca leaving?" with matching pointing to my area daw". Then IG QA said yes and my last day is Friday. I really thought IG QA brought it up out of nowhere but she said it was him who brought it up.

Then like 1.5 hours later? He came over to my desk and said "you're leaving?" I said yes and he asked me where I was going. I told him "Department of Social Welfare" then all of the QAs started laughing and IF (Tul*o) QA turns around to him "AKA the Dole". By this time, I thought he got the joke but it looks like he didn't because he asked me if I would be handling money, I joked and said yeah. He told me he needs €1000 a month so I said "sure". He asked me when I'll start sabi ko I haven't applied yet and I need to go to the GP to tell them I left because of the toxicity so I can get the money, he asked me for my role, sabi ko "tambay", then he was like "wait, that's an actual role??" I told him, "wala tlga akong trabaho beh" TINAWAG KO TLGA XANG BEH?? MORTOOOO!!! 😂😂 I did drop the "bruh" bomb at one point too. I told him how this place really affected my mental health kaya I decided to quit. He was probably judging me deep down for not having a job lined up 😂

I asked him about his last day, sabi nya bukas. (I mean I already knew this 😂) I asked him where he was going and he said "Beauchamps, across the river" and I asked, "that's a law firm right?" He goes "yeah it is!" I congratulated him for leaving this place and he said he's getting out of prison or dungeon ba un? 😂 He said he's starting next Monday. He asked me what my plans were and I said "I have exams." He told me "oh exams? What exams?" I said I was completing exams to train as a solicitor. He was surprised "Oh you wanna be a solicitor? Did you do law in college?" I said "yes and I wasted 5 years here 😂". He told me I should apply sa new company nila YIE GUSTO MO MAG KA WORK ULIT TAYO? 😏 then I told him how I probably have since I've applied to so many law firms and all 😂Then I invited him to my leaving party on Friday but he said they already have one kasi there's 5 of them leaving AWWW but, I hope we can keep in touch and maybe lumabas din kami? 😂

He said he is going to make friends with the solicitors there and ask if what they're doing here is illegal and sue them. Sabi ko sama ako dyan haahah then he left and our convo died.

But all throughout our interaction, HE WAS REALLLLYYYY FIDGETY. As in he would swing his lanyard around, putting on his neck here and there, using it like nunchucks. Like are you nervous? 🥹 sige na, ask me out let's give this a try 😂 but also, I was really taken aback when I saw him come at me. I was standing up cos I think I was talking to Wal*ce and when I turned around, I saw him and he wanted to talk to me. I swear, I was so nervous and nabubulol, we haven't spoken in nearly 2 months and first time nyang mag initiate ng proper conversation.

Then i stayed back an extra hour and when I left the building, I saw him walking back to the building, probs bought dinner and he smiled at me, said something (see you later ata?) and I said "see you tomorrow"

Idk what is going through his head but Lord, I pray you give him the courage to act on it before it's too late. I will say goodbye to him tomorrow and I'll probably say "keep in touch ha" or "we should grab coffee sometime" or awkward ba un? Ewan bahala na si Batman. Another chapter closed na nga ba?

Oh yeah minessage din ako ng sissy nya, if I find jobs daw sa T*kT*k, tell her and she'll refer me 😂 SIS PWEDE BA REFER MO NA LANG AKO SA KAPATID MO? 🥹🥹🥹😂😂😂

Realisation: what if I wasn't at my desk when he came over? He really took a chance with that ha 😂 at dumaan ako sa isip nya na "punta nga ako kay Bianca" ahahah delulu and IG QA made a reaaallly good point, he could have asked her where I was going but he didn't. Maybe he really is interested? And now he found out I'm leaving, the awkward work dynamic wouldn't be there anymore?

....

30 August

So it was his last day today. He came over the QA area a few times, to say bye to people and all but as always, stupid me kept on ignoring him.

But IG QA and I made sure we walked towards his area a couple of times for the last time. There was one time our timing was perfect, he had just turned around and was standing and IG QA said he was looking at me. Huhu

IG QA and I went on lunch together and he went on lunch like 15 mins after us. Literally, there were soooo many free tables but he chose to sit in the one in front of us, like he positioned himself in the way he can see me and I swear in my peripherals, I could see him looking. Thennnn we went up at the same time but IG QA and I waited for the next lift. But I could see he fixed himself 😂 So when we got to our floor, we walked to his area again, he had just arrived and IG QA looked over, he was blushing and apparently was smiling and looking down like kilig smile. Huhuhu is it me?? 🥹🥹🥹

Then around 4 ish, he came over with a cap and asked his QAs to sign it. He kinda saved me for last yiieee. I only managed to sign Bianca C. Cos I couldn't find any more space. He said it was his favourite hat and he is going to frame it. As usual, hiya nanaman ate nyo. Missed opportunities tlga.

So diba I had a plan to say goodbye to him in person? I specifically stayed back 40 minutes just for him, only to find out that he was not on his desk. I swear he was probably on the 5th floor playing foosball 😡😂 so there, my plan didn't happen. I messaged him on IG instead but he has not yet replied. But it's g, it's not meant to be 😂

Sa susunod na habang buhay na lang 😂

Thank you for following my BCB shenanigans since April. This is the end of my chapter. Even though nothing happened, I'm still grateful because it taught me yet another lesson. I need to "attract and not chase". I truly wish him happiness. He's a great guy and I hope he finds the girl he's meant to be with.

Update: he replied like 14 hours later: thank you so much! Best of luck to you too! I hope you find your dream job. 😁

.....

31 August/1 September

Swear, he keeps watching my stories still. Sometimes even quickly as I post them. Is he really curious? Kelan mo ba ako tatanongin? Or just shoot your shot please let's do it 😂

Also since we're both gone from Accenture, it'll be easier for us to start anew 😂

....

9 September

Dear BCB,

I know you'll never see this letter but these are words I want to tell you.

Maybe I forced myself on too you too much. I let myself get to the best of me, yet again.

I know that God has plans for me, even if it means that I'm really forever alone in this lifetime. I want you to know that I prayed for you. When Vanessa told me you were having a hard time, I prayed to God to grant your hearts' desires. A few days later, I heard from the grapevine that you got a new job.

Yesterday, I prayed for you again and I was crying. I prayed for God to allow me to let you go if there is truly nothing. I also prayed for the woman you're supposed to be with, may she exceed all your expectations because you are a good man and you deserve someone who will treat you right.

Maybe we are just two strangers destined to meet but never fated to end up with each other. I don't know if our paths will ever cross again but I'll be cheering you on. I think what pains me is all the what ifs. What if we had the chance to give us a try? All I know is that one day, I'll see your sister's post or someone's that you got engaged or even your wedding day.

For now, I'll focus on myself and continue praying for your success.

Thank you for making my heart flutter even just for a short time.

Never yours,

.....

25 Feb 2024

It's been a while. I'm not going to lie when I say he has not crossed my mind because he does.

I made the decision that should the universe allow us to meet again, Ireland is small so it's still likely, then I will probably shoot my shot.

He's in Japan right now and he posted a series of IG stories yesterday, I replied how I'm jealous and I hope enjoys. He replied with "thank youu!" As in may extra uu and a 😊 😂😂😂

Basta, bahala na si Bathala!!

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