#i'm getting the feeling i might be scaring folks away haha

[harundraws]

may i offer a YJ doodle dump in these trying times?

[prince-liest]

Hi! About your staticradio series (which is PHENOMENAL omg😍) - I know you said Vox is kinda falling in love while Al will remain aro. Which is awesome, we love to see rep! But I'm wondering if they will end up as QPPs (who fuck, lol)? Or it'll strictly be FWBs? Gah it's diffifult to describe it bc labels are so subjective and often too limiting, but I guess what I'm asking is whether they'll have an emotional relationship too, however it might look with their orientations? Will Al in particular have any soft feels for Vox & be fond of their unique bond? Even if Vox is in love with him when Al himself isn't? (I worry that would scare Al away😭) An intimate emotional closeness regardless of the specifics?

Thank you so much!! I've been enjoying writing it enormously so it always brings me a lot of joy that other folks are, too. >:D Just a heads up, this post has turned a little long because it got me talking about Alastor and the way he handles his feelings vs his ego in general.

First: I think the answer to this depends fully on how you personally define a queerplatonic partnership! I don't think Alastor would ever go for, like, a committed relationship with Vox in any form, but I also don't think that this would necessarily be a sad state of affairs for Vox, who I obviously write as poly as fuck with his toxic yaoi husband. Maybe it's because I'm aro af, but I feel like from Vox's end, "Yeah, I get to fuck around with the guy I'm obsessed with and he's not, like, nice, but I think I Stockholmed him into giving a shit about me!" is not actually a state of affairs he'd dislike! Especially since it's got that shiny "I'm special!" vibe in the sense that Nobody Else Gets To Get This Far With Alastor.

As for Alastor's side of things...

I think that so much of their dynamic dynamic isn't just set by Alastor being aroace, it's also set by him being a fucking sadist and a narcissist, HAHA. Like, he is very much in the middle of developing feelings about Vox, which (if my favorite interpretation of his little breakdown in the finale is correct) is also where his character arc is heading with regards to the hotel crew in canon, too, but his friendship-and-trust arc is slowburn as all hell and not entirely linear.

Part of the fun in writing Alastor is the process of qualifying all of his feelings with his sense of superiority in a way that is protective of his ego. He is freely and openly fond of people when that fondness doesn't expose any kind of emotional vulnerability in him. For example: He feels a condescending but genuine fondness for Niffty and Mimzy, whom he protects, and that's safe! He's quirky friends with Rosy, who is a benevolent semi-equal who uplifts his ego, and that's safe! He... may or may not have started caring enough about the hotel crew to have put himself at risk for them, and that is not only dangerous to his physical well-being but also massively humiliating, which is arguably worse to someone like Alastor.

He has SO many ego-prioritizing defense mechanisms and it's fun for me to pay attention to because I, too, am someone whose cardinal sin is probably pride. Anything is permissible only as long as it can be framed in a way that doesn't insult his ego.

Anyway, the point is: I don't think "soft feels and fondness for their unique bond" is on the list of ways that Alastor is able to find himself feeling about someone like Vox. The whole reason their whole situation in 666: Live on Air! started is thanks to Alastor's awareness and amusement at how obsessed Vox is with him. He sees himself as above Vox, and knowing that Vox is more emotionally invested than he is is part of the appeal. It's just gone from (derogatory) to (fond). (Which is, guess what? Safe!)

(It also means realizing that Vox is falling madly in love or whatever just nets a reaction somewhere in the region of, "Wait, is that significantly different from what you were already doing?", lol, because the only thing that's changed is the flavor of feeling, not the level of exposed emotional underbelly that he thinks Vox is showing him.)

TL;DR: He likes Vox like a cat likes a favorite mouse.

[spotaus]

IM ALIVE-

A!!! I'm just glad u like that spoiled dream interpretation, haha! Ur so right, it just... People always seem to assume he's purpousfully malicious but like, nah, he just wasn't aware there was another way to act! That any of what he did was wrong! Idk man, I'm glad u enjoyed the full-send! Brat-era Dream my beloved!!!

Yeaggg I gotta give my boy some plot armor hehe! Definitely breaking that immersion at everything's 100% alright. I do think most people are just dazzled by getting to help the bright shining star left by Nim to rule defeat his evil brother, but some like Eclipse just find him to be the lesser evil!

And- And- I'm gonna EXPLODE how did I not think about that possibility???? Dream toting Night around because of that whole 'Night can't leave his sight' paranoia he gets? And Eclipse gets sight of them and. Of course Dream announces to the camp that the "King" is secured and all they have to do is prepare another raid to take down the remaining knights (mind you, all in front of Nightmare, and at the word 'remaining' he seems to shrink in on himself even more than before) and Eclipse is 10000% sure that is a very very distressed kid. That is no tyrant king. That kid is making the same face Copper made once when he climbed a tree, got stuck, and was too scared to climb down so Eclipse had to book it up there. That kid is miserable and terrified. He- Okay I'll give it a rest but I mean. Eclipse and Ichor would totally be on the same page about the whole thing (I'm sure they'd have others as well who might not like Nightmare, but they all know young folks and see that Nightmare is NOT that bad (especially after he finally cracks and breaks away from Dream and begs him to just *listen* and to *please* not hurt his people, his knights, his *family* anymore) and agree to play along until there's a sign of chance to talk to him + hear him out, or to risk trying to talk Dream down. Then, the Knights approach, and there's a reason no warning horns sounded or screams were heard. There's a reason no one acknowledged the threat until it was too late and they had Dream. And like you said, how Error found Nightmare so swiftly.

Thank you!! So glad u like them! Pulling them in was a hard choice cuz normally I wouldn't, but it's just so convenient to write for guys I know like the back of my hand haha!

And oh yah. Eclipse is terrified for a very very brief moment. For extremely good reason- Thank the gods it was just Dream trying to seem friendly and playful rather than any threat!

YES!! YES EXACTLY!!! Dream was never taught that 'Treat other how you want to be treated' thing (believe me, Ccino tried, until Dream pulled a little toddler "That's not what Ccino taught me!" to his mentor one time and that promptly stopped being a lesson he taught to Dream (Night still got it though because he was there to hear it too-) so he figured the best way to make those bad feelings go away was to force them to go away! (And my friend I'm gonna cry, Ccino humming and holding Dream is such a mental image I'm gnawing on right now!!)

((No, it's my passion >:] (/j). I saw this bit before I sent you that one ask and I really went 'damn, I really am only adding trauma, whoops!' and went for some fluff haha!))

I'm still giggling manically over the idea of Nightmare being dragged inside and like, pausing in his tracks. Dream follows his line of sight and then when he looks back to Night he's got that familiar look- Gods I love love love that little interaction!!! And idk if you can tell, but I think my favorite bit of the whole Kidnapped Nightmare arc is that Night and Dream so clearly still know each other. Even though there wer hundreds of miles between them, the weight of worlds on their shoulders, and very VERY formative experiences that have fundemantally altered their very beings? They're still brothers. To each other? They're still twins. Still two boys who were split by circumstance and fought against it to be as close as they were. And now, even though only one is trying to bridge the gap, they know each other so well. It's like nothing ever happened. They can't help themselves, because just being NEAR one another calms them, soothes something that's been missing in their souls since Night sent Dream away. So there are brief moments, like this one would be, where humor breaks through. For a moment Nightmare forgets his situation, Dream forgets his position, and they share a brief, silly, moment. And then one of them remembers, and the moment ends, and it feels even worse than before for both parties because forgiveness is hard when someone hurt you, but it's hard to be mad at someone you've spent your whole life with, and the remainder missing- Good gods your right, I DO need to stop giving characters trauma :0 Back to sillies. Dream's face would turn bright yellow after processing that Night was right (he usually is) and he would die a little inside- But- If he gets rid of it Blue AND Ink would ask. So he has to pray Nightmare doesn't bring it up to Blue like that.

Ohhhh that one hurtie. Ouchie- Maybe he has their names and a quick little descriptor written on the back of each canvas, and Cross' just says 'My Best Friend' along with the day they met, because Cross loved when Ink would remind him that it was their 'anniversary' haha! (Cross just appreciated that Ink remembered ANYTHING tbh-)

Ah, yes, my beloved dependant Dream! I'm glad you like that bit!! Now that it's established as one of his motivations I probably won't intentionally bring it up again, but yep! Dream processes that Blue is a reasonable monster, and Nightmare was reasonable back before, so surely.... And Blue is prettyyy much Dream's only anchor in the chaos that is his life rn. Even though he has everyone under his finger and he's so self-assured that they're all under his thumb? Well. Maybe subconsciously he's having Blue replace both Night + Nim in his mind. With Nim gone, he has to choose someone new to look up to, right? Okay, I'll stop analyzing the boy now, haha!

And thank you, yeah! Night's castle + respecti thing is so so crazy and inconsistant, but usually on an upward curve, especially beyond this point in the story! Love it for him :]

New Age au (A Day at Dream's)

Hey y'all! This is another pre-story Drabble, this time from Dream's perspective! Exiled prince doing his best to interact with the populous and do his daily tasks! This was mainly just an attempt from me to get back into writing for this au, and ofc, fleshing out Dream! Hope y'all enjoy!

(Who do I normally tag? @ancha-aus @papiliovolens @mutzelputz I believe? Welcome back y'all!)

The morning was warm, something that Dream had to be grateful for. Ever since the incident, it seemed like he was faced with far more cloudy days than sunny ones, even in the midst of summer. The winters froze so harshly that trees would splinter at the branch, limbs cracking like cannon shots in the nights. The spring was full of awful thunder storms that spewed lightning and wrought floods, and the fall was constantly welcoming wind storms that threw around the rotten remains of plants all about. Even Blue had to admit that the weather was much worse here than his home kingdom, after the first year they’d spent at the very border of Orchard. 

Summers were hit and miss, either clinging to the traces of those awful storms, making everything sticky and humid, or beginning the dry season. This morning, as far as Dream could tell, might’ve finally been the start of a dry season. The garden didn’t seem to be swamped, it didn’t seem to be wilted either. The plants always seemed to know when rain was coming, because their leaves would downturn. After so many years, Dream made it a habit to glance out one of the back windows to make sure he knew just what to expect from the day.

Buttoning his over-cloak, he found himself lingering at the window for a second. He knew he’d have to talk with a returning scouting party later in the afternoon, their most survived thus far, but beyond that there wasn’t much else. Go about the camp, see if he could boost morale, maybe get in a training session with Blue…

Speaking of Blue, his loyal knight was seemingly nowhere to be found. 

Dream took a moment, crossing the quaint living room of their cabin to squint at the sky. Hmm, already past midday. He had been up rather late last night, night terrors plaguing him as they often did nowadays. He must’ve slept in, Blue had always been an early riser. Up just before the sun, back to bed late in the evening. Dream was pretty sure the only days he hadn’t seen Blue out on a morning jog were those that he asked the other to stick around. For safety, for planning, for breakfast… If he knew Blue well enough, which he liked to think he did, Blue was probably out right about now helping the supply carts unload to the outer tents. They always came in on the 2nd of every month, and the calendar marked it as such. Bless Blue for keeping such good track of affairs. 

The prince was practiced as he pulled on his remaining accessories. His archery gloves, which carried up to his elbows, and the thick leather boots gifted to him by a cobbler in the closest village. The boots were durable and comfortable, and while they weren’t the morst appealing at first, Blue had suggested that they find someone to embroider them with Dream’s symbol, the sun. They’d done so, asking one of the refugees they’d taken in if she could, and now they felt much more homey. Of course, it’d been several years now and they were looking worse for wear, but he’d grown a bit sentimental. 

These things were his, and he could keep them as long as he liked. No one here cared if they were mud-stained and threadbare in a few places, they were always looking at his face, after all. 

The moment they were buckled securely, Dream took the chance to stroll towards the door and push outside. 

Just as his plants suggested, the air was warm and dry, something which was deeply familiar to him, and admittedly placed him into a much warmer mood. Especially because, with the good weather, folks had gone about and placed their tapestries outside again. Banners and hanging pieces, all adorned with the shapes of the sun, in bright yellows, striking orange, and even some with that familiar pink accent. Usually, when it rained or snowed, they’d place the expensive and valuable symbols inside for safety, but with the warm air it felt only right that he could once again see his colors flying. 

It reminded him why he was doing all this. He had to regain power, to usurp his brother. Free him from whoever was whispering lies into his ears. Be crowned and see his sun in place of the moons which had infected every inch of the capital and many cities beyond. Though, for now, this was good enough. His own little paradise. 

The walk int the campsite proper was a little ways out from the cabin, a slightly thinner trail through a thin set of trees. Enough that he could see the camp, but the camp wasn’t directly connected to his little house, he needed his privacy every once in a while. 

From even the short walk away he could hear that the camp must’ve been bustling. Warm weather tended to make all of his people more active, it was familiar and welcoming, and rife with time to finish tasks like chores, or playing games, or, even better yet, training. Here there was no dedicated guard like back home, but the militia was very involved in wanting to learn combat, and Blue was certainly a good motivator for them. The clashing of steel and grunting of labored movements was one of several clue-ins that he’d have to stop by the little patch of dirt they used as a training arena of sorts. Off to the side of camp, with a few benches, a shed to store practice weapons, and several targets for aiming practice. Nothing fancy, but certainly enough for these people to learn. 

The prince could hardly help himself as he stepped into the camp proper and slipped that way. 

Each step passed colorful tents, heavy canvas died different colors by whoever most often occupied them. Some tenets were larger, housing the folks who stayed here as their home, run out of whatever village or city drove them off. Others were smaller, filled with supplies or individual tents for guests, dedicated to their returns. 

Dream passed Inl’s tent and smiled to himself in the silence. The inside fo the tent was piled high with half-finished paintings and splattered all over with different pigments. Paint was an expensive commodity, but Ink always seemed to know just how to make the brightest pigments out of the most random objects, plants and rocks and leaves he found on the ground, it was magical. The only thing he’d ever finished when he stayed at the camp for that brief while was the painting which Dream had practically begged him for, a royal portrait, or sorts. Dream sat atop a throne, Blue stood beside him at perfect attention, holding the sun-themed banner. It had been perfect, and it was another of Dream’s prized possessions. After that, Ink hadn’t had the focus to do any of the other paintings he started, but many of them were about tails of Dream’s usurpment, tails of tragedy told to him by the people, made in rough color splashes or with a big chunk of white at a corner where he lost his focus and moved on. Dream had gone inside once to make sure Ink hadn’t left anything behind before he left, but decided it felt lifeless and cold without the artist inside.And besides, Ink could never quite draw Nightmare right. Even though he’d drawn Dream perfectly, and they were identical twins, something always felt off about those pieces. 

The brief moment thinking about the artist fled. He was surely off killing some corrupt noble right about now for his own corrupt pay, and it was frankly none of Dream’s business so long as Ink wasn’t after his own people. 

His boots carried lightly over the soft grass, trodden down by the constant walking about camp. Light green and pretty, his heels sunk into soft soil beneath like some sort of bog, but it didn’t bother him a bit. If he had his way, the sun would stay out all day and dry up the ground a bit, make it more even and solid. Easier to walk over, less likely to slip into. 

To just his luck, only a few people spotted him in passing, waving or calling out to him, and a smile and a wave of recognition was all they needed to move on with their days. His aura must’ve been getting stronger, because he could only taste the ambient contentment from the entire camp as he wandered his way towards his destination. 

And, soon enough, it was upon him. That little patch of ground where the sounds had been coming from. Where the magic of monsters and the energy of humans were all alight with passion and focus. It was a wonder they all stayed so committed. Though, Dream had learned fairly quickly that people like these, who worked in farms, or crafts, making their money day to day, would work harder than any other person he’d ever met. Plus, it wasn’t nearly as hard for them to train as others. These very people could wrangle a steer with their bare hands, so all they needed was the fine-tuning and weapon training, none of the strenght building which usually took so long. 

That was probably why, now, they were as adept as they were with their weapons. Swords and halberds and morning stars and hammers, all of them clashed with another weapon or a practice dummy. Of course, there were only about 10 people out and about at the moment, but a few others sat on the sidelines. 

There was a brief moment where he was simply stood there. Something about combat, the thrill of the sounds and the movements and the force behind each swing, it was all mesmerising to him. He’d always been a natural with long-range weapons, and they were the only ones his mother ever approved of him using. Staying out of the direct line of fire, attacking from far away, that was what would protect his physical body, and his image. If he was struck in a fight, then people would look poorly upon him. Of course, if he’d become King he could’ve done anything. Could’ve learned the sword, or even daggers, and gotten up close and personal. Seen the flurry of emotions fly through his opponents eyes even before he tasted them. No mother to tell him no, no babysitter, nothing. Just him and the battle. 

Alas, here he is, still using his arrows, and still not using close-combat weaponry, unlike the training warriors before him. In fact, he was pretty positive he was one of the only people who actually used the arrow range, even if he didn’t need to anymore. Shots were engrained into his mind, muscle memory practically as easy as sleeping. Maybe easier, actually. 

Regardless, he found himself forcing his eyelights past the forms of the fighting parties, and instead skimmed for Blue. Dream didn’t want to interact with the merchants today, but he knew Blue’s next stop would most likely be here. He couldn’t ever pass up as great a day as this to practice.

“Prince Dream!” The call for him was loud and excited, and a hot rush of child-like wonder burned through his focus as he stood waiting. 

His eyelights shot over, catching sight of a monster he knew should be familiar to him. There very very few people who brought their little ones to the camp, for safety reasons mostly, and those who did often had very subdued children, ones who rarely spoke or played or caused trouble. This child was entirely different. Dream always knew they were nearby, because children’s emotions were far more potent. Adult emotions felt like a warm bath, while children’s joy, for example, was like someone had splashed hot tea onto his lap. Not painful, but far more striking. 

The tyke who rushed towards him now was giggling in high-pitched squeals and stared at him with two bright orange eyelights, beig and round. He was a little skeleton, maybe four, who had white bones with splotches of a greyish hue splattered across his face and hands. Today he was wearing a little white and yellow tunic which had obviously taken some falls into the grass since he put it on that morning.

“Copper, what did we say about running with the practice blade?” Another voice called out, this one deeper and far more familiar to Dream.

The little one, who Dream now spotted was carrying a dulled wooden dagger in one of his clumsy hands, bolted past Dream’s legs, only to pivot and rush in circles around him with an energy unmatched and giggles that were unrivaled in joy. HE was obviously getting enjoyment out of causing mischief for his guardian. 

Dream’s gaze traveled away from Copper with his smile in-tact, not getting a look at the adult whom he knew he knew. Eclipse, one of Copper’s two parents. He was also a skeleton, older than Dream by at least a decade, and much taller with broader shoulders. His bones were a perfect white, his face a bit long, and his eyelights a simple white. He was wearing a tunic not unlike his son, but adorned with all sorts of belts and a heavy fur wrapped around his shoulders despite the heat. It was a dark brown, his partner’s prized pelt. 

Of course, he should’ve expected to see Eclipse sometime today. He’d been eagerly awaiting his partner’s return from the mission. They’d be back tonight.

“Eclipse, how have you been?” Dream asked courteously, drawing his eyes back to Copper with a plan rapidly forming. 

Eclipse came to a halt beside him, at least an arm’s length away, and sighed a fond sigh. “I am faring well, all considered. Since Ichor went off for this mission, Copper’s been insisting that he has to learn to fight so he can protect us.” Eclipse said. “I apologize for his antics, he’s insisted that he start training right away.”

Eclipse sounded humored, but Dream could feel the tiredness seeping from his shoulders. A tension that was surely weighing on him. For a moment, it had entirely slipped his mind, but a glance confirmed his suspicion. Ichor and Eclipse had been away from camp fro a few weeks, about four months back. They’d had a soulling, and now it sat bundled in Eclipse’s arms, quiet and content, probably sleeping. Something warmed Dream’s heart, knowing that this little skelton was under the impression that he could defend his father and little sibling. 

Dream chuckled under his breath and gave a genuine grin, letting a small burst of positivity wave away from his core, pushing back a bit of Eclipse’s worry along with it. 

“No need to be sorry, I was eager to train when I was young too.” Dream confided, but before Eclipse could give a response, Dream crouched and shot his arms out, catching Copper under the arms and practically tossing him up into the air. He was obviously taken by surprise, because he shrieked with glee and stared at Dream with his big eyelights and the biggest smile. He looked a lot like his other parent, Dream realized. 

Copper giggled and Dream held him aloft. Copper hardly weighed anything, and it was a little cute how he kicked his muddy little boots in the open air as Dream held him aloft. He was entirely unbothered by his capture, and the energy obviously had yet to fade. 

“So, you want to be big and strong to protect your father and little sibling?” Dream asked to Copper, making a mock serious face, obviously exaggerated and playful. 

Copper gasped and nodded rapidly, excitedly brandishing his little wooden dagger. “Papa gave me dis! I stab any bad guys!” He insisted excitedly, swishing it around wildly in his little hand, arm limited to his side by the way Dream was holding him. 

Now this was an excited little fellow. Very cute and lively. Dream wondered if he ad this much energy, rushing ahead of his twin to get out into the courtyard and run around, climb the trees when their babysitter wasn’t looking. Nightmare sometimes wrestled with him, he missed those days. 

“Well, I thin you have the makings to be a brave warrior!” Dream encouraged, Copper wriggling happily in his grip, “Just remember, your papa and father want to keep you safe too, so listen to them, alright? That’s how you can get to be just as strong as them.” 

This was met by Copper’s nodding yet again, “So, don’t go running with that dangerous blade, alright? You might accidentally stab a not-bad guy.” Dream added, to which Copper gasped.

The little boy pulled one of his hands to cover up his mouth with wide eyes, shaking his head vigorously. “I won’t stab a not-bad guy! Only bad bad guys!” He insisted. 

Dream just shook his head and tutted, “I know, I know, but accidents happen! My friend Ink, he fights with knives sometimes, and he tripped and almost stabbed someone right in the eye once!” Dream exclaimed, and closed his right socket dramatically. 

This seemed to make Copper hold back a growing smile, and instead his expression was something almost close to a pout. His best attempt at a serious face, Dream had to imagine. Copper nodded one singular, forceful, nod this time. Some sort fo silent pledge not to run with his dagger anymore. 

Dream smiled at him, “Good, good! First step to becoming a strong warrior, listen to your parents.” he insisted, before lowering Copper down with a smooth motion. 

The kid giggled again as Dream rustled the top of his skull, and Copper made careful steps towards his dad, an obvious attempt at suddenly being responsible with the harmless wooden blade. Dream was a little proud, usually he did much worse with kids, had to resort to his magic. Maybe Blue was rubbing off on him after all.

“You really are a miracle-worker, my Prince.” Eclipse said softly, reaching one of his own hands down to gently caress the top of Copper’s skull. He nuzzled into his father’s leg and hugged it, attention distracted by watching the other fight not far off from them. 

Dream didn’t deny it, and instead just slunk a bit closer. He peered down at the babybones wrapped in Eclipse’s arm, held snug in place by a sling. It was pearly white just like its brother, but had a slightly longer face with pronounced cheekbones. Dream couldn’t help but notice the tension return to Eclipse’s emotions. 

“What’s their name, have you two decided yet? I’m sorry I wasn’t able to check in with you sooner.” Dream asked.

Eclipse seemed unbothered when Dream lifted a hand and gently brushed it against the babybone’s skull. It didn’t stir, didn’t even seem to register the contact. 

“His name is Steel.” Eclipse answered softly, “I told Ichor we wouldn’t be naming any more after metal alloys, but I can never say no to him. Steel’s eyelights are a beautiful shade of metallic silver, it was just too fitting.” Eclipse muttered. “And please, don’t trouble yourself with it. We are well aware of how busy you have been.” 

Eclipse gently bounced his arm a bit, and the babybones curled a bit closer to his chest, burying into the fur cloak draped over Eclipse’s shoulders. He seemed a bit more at ease as the little one gave a little smile in his sleep.

“Handsome name, Ichor has good taste I’m afraid.” Dream teased, eliciting a smale laugh from Eclipse.

“Do you think he’ll make it home safe, my prince?” Eclipse suddenly asked. 

Dream blinked in surprise, looking up to Eclipse. The other skeleton still had his eyes on the babybones tucked against his chest, but Dream had a feeling he was being watched nonetheless.

“You mean Ichor?” He asked, and to a hum of confirmation, he tilted his head with a grin, “I’m sure he’ll come home safe and sound. Blue’s been sure to send him on non-combat missions, and with plenty of back-up and supplies. We both know that he has a family waiting for him here, we wouldn’t send him anywhere dangerous.” 

That was a lie. Dream didn’t have any qualms about it. He just knew it was a lie. Every mission was dangerous, could turn to combat, and might end in death. Every person here, as much as Blue tried to deny, was expendable. They were part of a cause, they had to be. Of course, Dream would never put children in danger, but Ichor, just like every other person here, came willingly looking to help. He volunteered his family for this willingly. 

Of course, that isn’t what people like to hear. So, he’ll tell him things he’s heard Blue say. Blue was so kind-hearted, a softie. The moment he heard Ichor and Eclipse were having another soulling he’d re-assigned all their missions and work, and even after they’d both recovered, after Ichor was no longer carrying, he sent the guy on the easier missions. Blue didn’t want to split a family. 

Eclipse sighed, almost with relief, at Dream’s words. “Thank you, my Prince. I suppose I’m just worried over nothing. I’ve been known to do such silly things.” Eclipse relented, and smiled. It was tired, but much happier than before. Dream’s aura must’ve finally gotten to him. Broken down those worries. 

“Anytime, Eclipse. I suppose I’ll see you at their return tonight?” Dream voiced, though he knew the answer. Of course he’d be there. 

Eclipse only took a few more moments, wishing Dream a good rest of the day, before he ushered his son foreward and off elsewhere. Dream waved goodbye to them until they passed a corner, and he internally sighed in relief as he turned back to his original goal. 

Dream moved closer by a few paces and plopped himself down onto one of the benches, one side left empty by someone who had just rushed onto the field. He summoned his bow to his hands and fiddled with the string, and ill-disguised attempt at seeming busy as he just watched the proceeding spars. 

So many people stopped him daily around camp, often simply wanting to chat and catch up on their lives. Eclipse’s new babybones was, thankfully, the most exciting piece of news in the last few months, but before that was a wedding between a bunny monster and a hare monster, before that was the death of someone’s spouse and a subsequent burial, before that siblings reunited, they all had their own stories and things to keep track of. Dream found it trivial, but unfortunately, everyone expected him to now these things, remember them, keep track and ask when they met outside of business times. If he wanted these people to stay, he needed to know. 

His only grace was that Blue was very talented in chatting. Where Dream could rouse crowds and battalions, Blue thrived in a setting of just one or two, and somehow knew just about everything about everyone. They’d talk over dinner, about what they did while split up doing their duties. Dream would tell him about the state of the garden, or the new map he managed to draw up with the cartographer, while blue would tell him all the latest menial news. Crushes, holiday plans, when new people were coming in, all of it. He was always so happy, that Dream simply learned to remember it through him. Shockingly an easy feat. 

The clanging of swords and the heat were both a welcome comfort, Dream was soaking in the sun like some sort of lizard on its rock.

Dream just hoped he wouldn’t eat his words later. Blue had sent ichor and a few others on a mission to simply attend the latest ball, and annual celebration for one of his brother’s elite knights. The Criminal, he thought, the one with the tiger mask. Killer. The parties hadn’t had conflict in the four years they’d been running, and Dream was pretty sure ichor wouldn’t go missing. Yet, anyone they sent directly to the capital had a habit of not returning. Blue had forbade him from sending more spies that way, and had only agreed to send a small party because the ball was meant to be open to the public, so they wouldn’t be technically intruding or trespassing. Along with that, Ichor wasn’t directly affiliated with their cause. Eclipse, up until now, was usually the one more familiar with intel-work. Ichor had always been more focused on welfare and support. So, Ichor couldn’t be recognized. ‘

Dream would just have a lot of explaining to do if his promise went awry. Grieving souls were never easy, especially those who had children in tow. They often loved the hardest, and fell shortly after their beloved. Frankly, Dream didn’t want to lose two promising members of the rebellion, or be left with their children in the worst case scenario.

The prince sighed to himself. Blue would scold him for thinking like this. Maybe he should worry less about the return party and more about his own training. He couldn’t risk getting rusty now. 

-     -

Dream was aware the range was a bit out of his sight from where he’d wandered off to get a drink of water, but when he returned, he hadn’t expected to find an arrow embed itself into the block he was passing beside. 

He jumped a bit with the force of the heavy thunk and almost choked on his own breath when he spotted exactly who was actually training with a bow of all things. 

Across the range, looking wide-eyed and surprised, was Blue! He had their heavy long-bow clutched in his right hand, an arrow hanging to his side y his left, and a whole slew of arrows leaned against the fence behind him, the kind with thin, piercing points that could tear through armor. Dream had never been more baffled, amused, and amazed all in one. Why was Blue training archery?

“Dream! Hey!” Blue called out, and he sounded a bit awkward. 

Dream took a moment to examine the arrow which had pieced the block of hay they were using as a target. It had entirely missed the circle, actually passing itself at an odd angle through he side, the point poking out from the other end haphazardly. That must’ve used a lot of force if nothing else. 

Actually, it seemed Blue might’s been making some progress. Dream had been gone for almost half an hour, caught up in talk with one of the new refugees, welcoming them to the camp. That had given his knight plenty of time to try more than enough shots. Dream spotted now the several arrows which had dug themselves into the dirt, all at a downward falling angle as through Blue had been aiming for the dirt. Then, beyond the hay bale, he could see that several trees in the woods beyond had arrows embedded in them. He didn’t know how he’d missed them, honestly. 

Dream circled back and gripped one which had dug into a pine tree’s skinny trunk, and tugged with all his might. He nearly stumbled, and the end of the arrow seemed to have sap coating it, like blood of the tree itself. 

Dream actually laughed as he finally approached his knight, the arrow in-hand. 

“If you wanted syrup so badly, we could’ve asked for some on the resupply.” Dream joked.

He tapped the shaft of the arrow to the top of Blue’s skull, and the knight sheepishly ducked away from the sticky feeling, the arrow moving with him for a moment before springing away. Blue’s eyelights didn’t evade Dream’s, but Dream couldn’t help but notice the embarrassment becoming far more potent from his friend. 

“Ah, yes, you see…” Blue started, before pausing, “I had no intention of harming the flora.” Blue said, though it seemed a bit half-hearted. 

Blue rubbed at his skull as he lowered the long-bow from his front, down to his side. It was a huge weapon, with a string practically made of metal. Dream didn’t usually bother with the long-bows, sticking to the normal bows, or in desperate situations, crossbows. It took way too much power to shoot a longbow for his liking, limited movement. Usually people on horses used them. Dream couldn’t see the light leave someone’s eye from atop a finicky horse. 

“It was a good shot, even if you didn’t mean to hit the poor tree, Blue.” Dream amended. The last thing he wanted to do was embarrass Blue, it was obvious the mood was tanking with Dream’s ill-timed jokes. “Can I ask why you’re trying out the long-bow today?” 

The feeling of Blue’s pride washing over Dream like a comforting blanket as the other seemed to get a second wind. He puffed his chest and lifted the bow right in front of him again. 

“The Magnificent Blue has actually been learning to shoot for some time! The smaller ones that you use are not very cooperative, but this large one does well!” The explained proudly, “It was meant to be a surprise, but I would not lie to you!” 

He seemed largely unbothered by the fact that this secret of his had just been broken wide open. Though, Dream had to imagine this had been going on for a while now. The last time Dream had seen Blue attempt to shoot an arrow, it had narrowly avoided breaking their window in the back garden. They still had a notch in the wall on the back porch, because Dream begged Blue not to fill it in. He’d laughed so hard, and back then he’d needed a good-

“Wait, why was it going to be a surprise?” Dream asked curiously, raising a brow to watch Blue.

The knight laughed loudly, “Because! The plan was to get very very good at it, and then join you for a practice one day and show you! I know you are very talented with lond-range weapons, and if I were too, then I could fight beside you without placing you in danger! You mentioned it once, a while back.” Blue explained as though it was the simplest thing in the world. 

Dream felt a little something in his chest shift to the left as he processed what Blue was referencing. He had mentioned that. Back when they had to scare off some bandits during their trip here, before they found the cottage. He wished Blue hadn’t had to charge in while Dream sat up in a tree and shot at them. Dream had wanted to be in the fray, but… Blue thought he wanted them both to be long range fighters? So they could stay close? 

That was up there with some of the most heartwarming things Blue had ever done for Dream. Trust him, there were a LOT of heartwarming things Blue had done. This was surely, however, in the top 15. 

“Oh, that’s kind of you.” Dream said gently, 

In his distraction, Blue had knocked another arrow and lifted it up. Lined it. Drew the string back. Released. 

The heavy string cut through the air with a vocal slapping noise, and both skeletons watched idly as the arrow arced through the air and just hardly skimmed the top of the hay bail, chunking into the ground somewhere behind it instead. There was a moment of Blue letting out a breath and calmly lowering the bow before he grinned again at Dream. His expression was so concentrated not two moments before. 

“You know that I would do anything for you, Dream. Besides, using a bow is rather fun! I was unaware of how careful you have to be while firing, and setting it up, and aiming.” He listed off with a laugh. 

Now the bow was back at Blue’s side, and Dream was even a bit impressed with his bow etiquette. It wasn’t pressed to the first at his side, he wasn’t fidgeting and bending it, even his motions before he hadn’t dared to dryfire with it. He wondered if Blue had picked it up from him, or if he’d sought out advice from another bowman somewhere. Either way.

“I never meant to discourage you from using your hammer, Blue. I know you’re the happiest while fighting with it.” Dream said earnestly, “But if you wish to continue working with the long-bow, I’m sure I could give you a few pointers.” 

At the enthused expression he received from his knight, Dream grinned, “And then maybe you could teach me to use a hammer. Or, maybe a morning star? They always seemed to have a fitting name.” Dream teased, but Blue seemed even more delighted by the thought.

“That sounds great! We should start now!” Blue agreed, and readied his bow again. 

Dream was a bit startled, but couldn’t bring himself to deny the enthusiasm. After all, he’d been hoping to train with Blue today anyways. 

He watched again as Blue lined up his shot, but this time, he actually watched carefully. He moved behind Blue, and immediately saw a smidge of problem. 

“Here, lift your elbow a bit higher.” He instructed, He stepped forward and set his hand under Blue’d elbow, the one which was pulling his arrow back. He shifted under the touch and stopped right where Dream stopped nudging. Immediately his posture looked a lot better, and his aim seemed more sure. 

“Try pointing a bit further to the right, you’re leaning left.” He added on, and saw Blue squint a bit harder at his target, before repositioning his aim, shifting his feet along with it before Dream could say anything. 

Then, when Dream gave the commend to release, Blue sent the arrow flying. 

This time, it whistled as it shot and struck the bail right at the top ring of the target, almost dead center. Blue whooped an excitement, and Dream hummed. He could’ve sworn that would’ve hit the bullseye…

Without much through, Dream summoned his own bow and took aim from Blue’s side. His night went quiet, watching intently, and Dream let loose his arrow with less than half the preparation time, hardly a thought. Just as he’d expected of Blue’s, the arrow pierced the center of the ring flawlessly, though it didn’t sink in nearly as deep. His brow furrowed as the stared at the target. Why hadn’t Blue’s shot done that?

Sure, the bow was heavier, the arrow too, but the fundamentals should’ve been the same. The golden arrow and landed below the other one, why was that?

“Dream?” Blue’s voice cut through his thoughts.

Dream blinked at Blue, and Blue stared back at him, seeming mildly worried.

“My apologies, could you try hitting my arrow? I’ll spot you again.” Dream requested, and Blue just nodded and prepared himself again. 

This time, Blue automatically placed his elbow up and turned himself to the right. Dream didn’t even need to do more than a little nudge to his arm to encourage a slight but more movement to the right. Blue should strike this perfectly.

The arrow flew, beautifully with a bit of a spin, and… Lodged a few inches to the left of the target. He was aiming right! How-

Ohhhhhh.

“That was great, Blue! You had everything but an extra set of eyes to direct you, good work!” Dream praised.

Now Blue celebrated properly, wrapping his arms around Dream’s sides in a heavy hug. A familiar one that Dream returned, as he realized how silly he had been for a moment. His arrows weren’t affected by the wind. Blue’s weren’t magic, so of course the air would throw them off course! For a brief, horrifying, moment he worried he’d somehow stumbled in his directions. It was just the wind. 

Blue's hug was tight and affectionate, and very very welcome. Dream savored it, returning it tightly, until Blue released him and raised the bow once more. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to train until the caravan arrived in a few hours.

-    -    

Poor choices. He didn’t make many, but he wasn’t going to try and claim that training right up until the arrival was a good call. All he was expected to do was welcome them back, and then listen toIchor recount any important information they’d picked up on, but still. He didn’t enjoy being all grimy and sweaty and middy was the best look or the most comfortable. His only solace was that Blue was equally messay, so he didn’t feel too out of place.

Ask they approached the path into camp, they saw that the light of a lantern was glowing just a bit down the way, and there alone the road stood the sentinels for the night, and Eclipse. 

Eclipse still wore that same tunic as before, though it had gained a grass stain along the bottom hem, no doubt from Copper breaking off at a full sprint at some point during the day. The skeleton himself was without his children, and when Blue greeted him and asked, it turned out he’d left them with someone named Jodie. One of the humans, he believed, a kind elderly woman here with her adult son. Eclipse looked exhausted, but Dream could tell is must’ve been from building worry. Nim help him and make sure that Ichor returns on that cart in one piece.

They stood there together in the quiet, and when the carriage pulled to a stop before them, Dream counted as each person hopped off and stood at attention before himself and Blue. One, two, three, for, five, six, seven… Eight. Ichor must’ve been looking to give his partner a soul-attack, because he was the last of the party to jump off the back of the cart, a thick bag slung over his back and his grin wide and stupid as ever.

Dream acted like he didn’t notice as Eclipse bowled into Ichor’s side, nearly tripping the both of them over and into the grass. Technically, procedure was that Dream would be the first to hear any of them speak, as they could’ve been keeping secrets. However, he knew better than to get between lover birds. That was more of a headache than it was worth. 

Only when the two were done and Eclipse gave Ichor a swift peck on the forehead did Dream usher everyone into the debriefing tent to discuss their findings.

“You’re saying he’s bringing in new knights?” Dream questioned.

Everyone had been explaining their stories, but it seemed that Ichor had managed to get the closest. Hear the most. A servant had tripped over him and spilled a red wine on his suit, so he followed them back to the servants halls to get it cleaned up. Because he was so amicable, the maids weren’t very quiet and told him exciting news. Two more knights being trained.

Ichor had asked more, as much as he dared, but all he could get was that one of them was straight out of the dungeon, and the other one was burly and definitely a foreigner. Some sort of hired body, they swore. It’d be fall when the next party was rumored to be happening. 

Dream hated to hear such a thing. The first criminal was enough, but this second one? And then another? Dream couldn’t fathom what sorts of horrible plans were being fed into his twin’s mind, what horrid plans they were going to enact, criminals and thugs running the country by his brother’s side? 

He sighed a bit, resting a hand against his chin. 

“Did you see my twin at all?” He asked then, to the group.

Ichor was the only one to nod, and Dream gestured to him. 

“The guy was just as guarded as ya said. The Tiger kept circling back up to the balcony where he was hanging, but the stairs were all blocked off by guards, and some other folks were sitting up there with him. Magic on one of ‘em was strong.” Ichor explained, and Dream squinted as the torchlight glinted off of the skeleton’s single gold tooth. Now his pelt had been returned to him, and he looked perfectly barbaric, like the first day Dream had seen him. 

“Mm, unfortunate. My brother is smart, he wouldn’t spare any detail in his protection, I suppose.” Dream muttered, before simply nodding. “Thank you, all. I’m sure you’ve had a tiring past few nights. Go to your tents and rest up, I’ll call upon you if I need to speak with you again sometime later in the week.” 

He didn’t really want to dismiss them, but it was obvious half of them had gotten drunk off their asses within the first five minutes of being at the party. Ichor was really the only one with any good information, and even then, it was extremely limited. Of course, Dream had to be grateful that Nightmare must’ve been slipping with controlling the tittering tongues of his servants, it saved him the trouble of having to wait any longer for information. 

Nightmare adding new, dangerous, knights was not ideal, 

He watched as the party slowly filtered out, some stumbling, some half-awake, and even Ichor yawning as he ducked out of the tent. The only one who didn’t immediately flee was Blue, who sat for a few minutes longer before popping to his feet, gathering the notes strewn across the table, and helping Dream to his feet. 

Together, they left the tent and moved back to the cottage. By now it was far into the night, and Dream could see the stars out. The moon, a thin crescent, seemed to mock him as he took careful steps in the darkness of the path.  At least he’d gotten to enjoy the remaining sun the day had gifted him. 

When they entered the cottage, Dream groaned and moved immediately for the couch. He could try to sleep, but he knew Blue still had to do his nightly routine, and he wouldn't be able to rest with the new information that had been provided. 

“We’ll figure it out.” Blue said unprompted from across the main room. 

His friend was organizing the papers from tonight into a nice little box where they kept all the notes for their plans, and when he placed it back on the shelf, he moved over to the dummy in the corner of the room where he always hung his armor. Every night. 

“I know we will, it’s just…” Ough, he couldn’t say it! This was so infuriating! Every scout who managed to come back only brought him worse and worse news. 

“Do you know, or are you just saying that? Because I know that I know we can figure this out! Two monsters can’t make the difference in a coup!” Blue stated matter-of-factly as he undid the buckles on his chest plate and lifted it up onto its rightful spot. Next followed the boots and Dream watched him. The prince was practically deflated on the cushions of the old couch, a pillow quickly tugged into this arms. 

He was right. Dream knew it, he usually was after all. Still. It wasn’t the fighting that worried him. No, he and Blue alone could probably beat up whatever petty criminals were cabhorting with his twin. It was just… 

“I do. I just- I- I don’t know how my twin could be so stupid!” He exclaimed, practically burying his skull into the pillow, bringing his knees up to his chest, practically curling into a ball. “He was meant to be my advisor, he was the clever one. How could he resort to killers and hired mercenaries. After all those classes he used to tell me about, all the lessons he had to go to, how could he decide to take this path?” He said, hoping his voice was muffled by the cushion.

Unfortunately, like most items in this cottage, it seemed to be cheap and only decorative. No muffling capabilities in sight. He heard Blue sigh, and for a few minutes, the only noise was Blue removing the rest of his armor. 

When it faded, he strained to listen, and caught the floorboards creaking ever so gently under the weight of his friend’s approach. Then there was a pause, and then a weight on Dream’s skull. It trailed heavily down his neck and to his shoulders, before repeating itself. A soothing motion, one that Dream resisted for a moment. 

“I never got to meet him, but I do know you! I think we can definitely knock some sense back into him.” Blue reassured him, and this time Dream listened. 

Blue was right, after all. Blue had been able to knock sense into Dream. If anyone could bring Nightmare back to his senses, it would be Blue. 

He let the skeleton keep doing that comforting motion against his skull for a few more minutes, savoring the contact, before he sighed heavily and shrugged. Blue retracted his hand, and was watching Dream with a soft smile when the prince finally lifted his head. The two of them stared at each other for a moment, before Dream smiled back. 

They both really needed to get some rest. 

[handmeyourheart]

Hello! I like your work and I was wondering if you could do a one-shot idea for either Macaque or MK with a gender-neutral reader. The prompt idea is that the reader has a scar on their arm somewhere and the other person accidentally grabs on that part of the arm, causing the reader to shove them away and look startled/scared for a moment. But after a second they calm down and acts that it never happened and if asked by them they get unnaturally cold towards them and continue to say it didn't happen. (Sorry if the format is confusing/awkward I'm not used to typing online)

Imagines

Pairing: Six-eared Macaque and Romantic/Platonic Reader. MK and Romantic/Platonic Reader. (Separate).

Summary: Reader has unresolved trauma and the boys have questions.

Warnings: Maybe a bit ooc for Macaque, but otherwise no spoilers this time. I changed it from a Oneshot to Imagines because I was compelled to do both like you asked, so I apologise if it’s not what you hoped for but you’re free to request more!!

Notes: I really love angst— yes, feed me, indulge me in my bad habits. Gender neutral reader. It’s mainly platonic but you can infer romantic feelings if you’d like!! Non-specific. Haha Macaque's one doesn’t end the happiest, but it’s okay. Also I’m sorry in advance baha.

Words: 1.2k for Macaque, unfinished MK, there’s an explanation I swear.

Also gentle reminder my requests are open! Feel free to leave an ask!! It would be greatly appreciated. See my pinned post for more details!!

Macaque / Liu’er Mihou!

You and Macaque are something along the lines of partners, he’s one of your only friends and you’re one of the very small few he tolerates beyond his average scale. Work colleagues at least and very close at best, you help him out with his work because unlike some people you’re remarkably capable in your line of business, and he admires your achievements— there’s no mess he could leave behind that you can’t clean up. You’re something of an assistant to him, helping him organise his deals and collect his due when necessary, but on occasion you might lend an experienced hand in aid as an accomplice, your abilities are nothing to scoff at, after all, how else could you call yourself a friend of the six-eared simian if you went at least up to his own standard. Though you weren’t as competent as Macaque himself, you can hold your ground if need be, at least, which makes you suitable if not ideal for him to work with.

Though a lot of your background story is shrouded in mystery, he doesn’t really know what your deal is, but since you don’t ask him personal questions about his dramatic past, he respects you in kind and doesn’t ask anything beyond his bounds, he knows where you limit him. All he does know is that you’ve been in the industry for much longer than he has, whether it’s a cause for concern is yet unknown to him, but it’s not strange for folks like yourself and him to wind up in this kind of work. It had just simply been by matter of circumstance that you’d come to work together, whatever made it easier to earn more, you’d suppose.

Tonight however despite the careful, intricate planning considered beforehand, the job had been a total bust thanks to a crude but admittedly unintentional mistake you had made. You’d managed to escape outside through the crossfire and under the cloak of night, fleeing without a trace, they weren’t able to follow after you—

but Macaque would not be pleased with these results especially since your slip up meant he had to scuffle with the clientele himself because of it. You weren’t sure what impression to expect when you next regrouped, but you tried to keep your hopes low and pleaded with whatever god of luck may be lurking to pity you some and alleviate his anger, if only partially.

Fortunately enough though you were just glad you both came out unscathed by the ordeal, but tensions were high between you and your partner over it. With your back to the wall and head hanging loosely between your knees from where you sat positioned on the floor, you assessed any damage that might’ve occurred without your potential awareness, ignoring the sharp gaze of the monkey who's back turned to you, dismissing his mood as you surveyed your legs in concern.

“What was that?” He spoke, seeing how you weren’t going to indulge him with an answer to the night's prior events. With his back still facing you in an arrogant disposition that teased at his agitation, you didn’t really feel the most inclined to humour him, unwilling to put up with his attitude. In response to your silence he sends a dreaded, sharp glare toward you and you relent, shoulders falling in defeat. Maybe you could be an easy foe, but it’s been a long night, plus it’s Macaque. It's fine, be quiet.

“What was what?” You feign ignorance, swallowing dryly as his stare remains cold, exhaling through your nostrils forcefully in a strained sigh. “It was an accident, alright? Don’t get your tail in a twist, it wasn’t something we anticipated.” You dismiss, rising to your feet at his disapproval. It was a truly silly mistake, your cover was blown and the whole espionage went up in smoke and sirens, but it was fine, he just had to realise that. You just wished he’d suck it up for once, he’d made mistakes before too, maybe not as disastrous as today but it wasn’t fair for him to lash out on you for one failure when your track record with him was as solid as it is. “Are you alright, though? I would’ve stayed to help but I thought it would’ve only inconvenienced you further, I didn't want to anger you more by burdening you with my presence during a large scale fight like that.” You hesitantly approached him at that, the aftermath hadn’t been the prettiest and he had to get quite involved in order to escape the whole ordeal, so your concern did stem from a place of genuinity.

In return for your concern he shoots you a look, grabbing the arm that reached for him with a stern and increasingly tight grip. “Do you know how much money we lost—“

He was quickly cut off by your cry of distress, yelping at the sudden force against a very large, very personal scar that resided up the length of your inner arm. It was something mostly hidden from view, hanging at your sides with your arms in resting and wearing long sleeves can make the antique wound seem oh so unnoticeable. But the grief it had caused you over many years was triumphant and the potent memory of how it was received is still fresh in your mind, tender and as pulsating as the scar under his vice hold. You quickly lashed at him until you were freed, cowering back a few steps and wincing at the ripe sensation. It had never healed, and you assumed it never would no matter the amount of remedies you tried. Macaque had attempted to release his hold earlier upon your initial reaction, it was unlike you to flinch if at all and now you’d instinctively retreated away from him, a sullen but sure gaze of hurt in your eyes that shocked him.

You’d always been one to hold yourself to a high regard, you were admirable and courageous, and he had been sure to withhold his strength to a lesser extent— it definitely was not him that’d hurt you, right?

Seeing his surprise, you took a brief moment to recollect your composure, gently returning your arm to rest once more idly by your side with a disgruntled sigh. He seemed to sit in a silent anticipation, as if expectantly waiting for an explanation out of you, but you’d be damned if he were ever to receive one after he’d snapped at you, returning back with a smooth, even tone. “Whatever we lost I can compensate again later, even if it means taking on some of my own jobs to reimburse you for your damages if it’s just so important to you.” You’d note, dusting yourself off and brushing past him like the entire altercation hadn’t happened at all. He seemed rather perturbed, following your figure closely before he tugged on the fabric of your top to halt your exit.

“What was that?” He repeated, as if only an echo of the former anger when he’d asked the question earlier.

“What was what?” You’d parrot, forming a thin line with your mouth and turning away, leaving the monkey to welt in a small pool of guilt. He’d have to apologise, even if he was a little confused by the situation.

MK / Qi Xiaotan!

You’d been a rather long time friend of the newly named Monkie Kid, though you couldn’t hold a candle to the extensive history of he and Mei, but you’d met the two some time after they’d become besties and you were pretty much, without so much as a word of complaint, adopted into the now trio of hero hooligans. A mostly unwilling, low key thrilled to be included participant of their many shenanigans and various escapades. Of course you and Mei were close as could be, but if you had to understand a scale of reference you’d consider yourself maybe closer to MK, you’re often the one who convinces him to console in you when he needs someone to talk to and you’re willing to hear him out until the end.

Nobody really knew where you came from, though. One day you’d just up and appeared and you were great! So no questions were really ever asked, especially when there wasn’t a need to, they’d known you long enough even before MK had been crowned the official successor of the monkey king, you weren’t a suspicious person.

OK SO UM SORRY FOR THE SUDDEN CUT OFF LMAO I have a notice haha…

Well anyways I apologise for the cut off, I will update this when I can when I finish this but well, my house flooded a little while ago and it caused mold to grow under the floorboards so we’ve had to fix the plumbing and then organise for the floors to be stripped and replaced so the mold can be dealt with yikes, so I’ve been struggling with writing lol, but the show must go on so I’m posting this preemptively.

I hope this doesn’t sadden you too much, I will still be working on this and I won’t move on to another request until it’s done but please be patient with me. I posted pretty consecutively but my schedule will probably fall into a weekly/biweekly routine for updates at best!! Not sure when I’ll get it finished, but check back regularly and you’ll know. Love YALL, stay safe, don’t get your house flooded! xx

[dreamties]

Slashers W/ an S/O Who Writes Love Poems

A/n- Requested by @slashert4t , I hope you like how this came out! Reader is gender neutral <33

T/W: the Billy & Stu one is kinda angsty so like. watch out lol and...Norman's. Loves I'm so sorry haha

Characters: Daniel Robitaille (Candyman), Norman Bates, The Lost Boys, JD, Billy Loomis & Stu Macher, Helen Lyle

Taglist: @strawberry-moonpies —> send in an ask if you’d like to be added! :)

Candyman (Daniel Robitaille)

Daniel??? Who’s lips speak nothing but sweet nectar? Who’s so soft spoken and wise and somehow holds you in his mind above all else? That Daniel??

part of what attracted him to you in the first place, was how you could see him and your first instinct not be scared and disturbed. Worried and careful, but not afraid that you’d come to harm. You saw him as a person first (or- ghost?), as himself, as Daniel Robitaille— and then as the legend.

it’s like falling in love with you all over again!

he feels. . .seen. So important in your eyes.

ohmygod wait, using some the lines to write them in blood against the walls of his victims? Like ughhhh that would be so fucked and morbid out of context (but it would be weirdly sweet if you find out through the news and find. Oh. That’s your writing. Daniel’s been thinking about you, huh?)

Norman Bates

I think I talked about this for the long distance HCs I did but uhh.

Norman abso-freaking-lutely writes you letters!

so maybe it started as a tradition, of giving letters to each other. Long distance or not. Norman finds it so soothing. It’s much easier to write all his feelings down than speak it aloud— you must feel a little like that too, right? He can’t be alone in that feeling :(

you surprise him one day, with the prettiest words dedicated to only him. He’s so happy holy cow :’( he’s gonna tear up a bit, but he’s so bashful about it. You might not even notice that he’s crying, if it weren’t for how long you were together; you know his tells now.

Mother may attempt to “protect” him and not let him read the letters. Kind of like, the part of him that doesn’t think he deserves this nice thing or thinks it too good to be true.

he’ll need some reassurances but hey, if you’re able to print your heart on the page for him, I think you can muster some courage to comfort him when he needs it <3

(im so sorry for the angst babes)

The Lost Boys

all the boys have pretty similar feelings??? but MUCH different reactions.

David has a secret soft spot and has written both men and women, in his past, love letters. Not quite poems...but not too far off from what you're doing....right??? And he's also received many a poem and letter from previous (human) lovers.

he keeps his favorites tucked away on the inside of his jacket

I feel like Dwayne has dabbled a bit in it.

Paul is a fucking goof but I promise...somewhere around his brain...hidden beneath some layers maybe?? he can be serious about things. He'll kiss you and tell you that he loves you. And if the poem was just for him, he'll be a little obnoxious and show it off to the rest of the lost boys. It only really gets under David's skin.

Marko!! my dear!! my chaotic, small energy creature <33

Recreating portions of the poem in embroidery or paint on patches of his own, to add to his jacket.

some of the boys stick them into the section of the cave they sleep, or the common area, as a sort of decoration.

JD

just about dies when you first show him one of the pieces

his abandonment issues are strong; but his obsession with you is stronger lmao

He's one of the few folks who will really truly appreciate what you've done. He likes reading, it's one of his tamer pastimes.

he'd like to put these up with some of the greats; the masters. No words but yours know how to tap into him, worm through his head, work it's way as it breaks him apart with gentle, cautious hands.

He's in pieces, dear.

Nothing shows such devotion like this. He'd do anything for you (yes, somehow even more than he already would and wanted to)

He's put back together, healing, as he writes in the margins of a book he'd borrowed from you. He sneaks into your room one night, and slips it into place on your bedside. For you. For you to read when you're alone. To read and find a way to let him know you loved it (you loved HIM more importantly), without fully acknowledging the light BnE.

Billy Loomis & Stu Macher

oh- these boys do Not know how to act!

You're writing them??? notes? in??? in your writing???? for THEM???

utterly flabbergasted.

Stu can and WILL brag about this to his friends lol

Billy is far less openly endearing and appreciative about it than Stu is. he thinks it's so sweet, really. but he has no idea how to properly tell you how much it REALLY means without totally baring his soul to you.

. . .it almost feels like you've already seen him inside out though, with the way you've poured your love onto the page.

it's almost scary how well you know him. . .

expect him to be a little defensive and weird about it when you first show him any of the writings.

it's that whole "I'm so scared of being known" (+ so intimately at that). this coping mechanism from his trauma acts up and makes him pull away.

whether or not you're hesitant to show him again. if you keep trying to connect with him or whatever .

I think his rock, Stu, is ultimately what gets him to really open up. to let himself love you and know you, and vice versa. he's done it once with his boyfriend, he can do it again.

ALSO all of this might change depending on what point in their lives you begin writing and sharing these with them (and I suppose also how long you've been together...but I feel like poems aren't something most do early on in relationships..?)

Billy is more reclusive if it's in high school, in college it's not too different...but he's able to face his feelings just a teeny bit easier <3

Helen Lyle

Helen actually writes you little notes and stuff, but it's usually meant to tease you. Sometimes they're cute and heartfelt, but it's not quite her thing, y'know?

When she starts receiving these poems from you though? Oh my, she is in love. She is really in love.

She half expects the paper to read like something she would've wrote for you. Something silly and dirty and to be read only once or twice, when accidentally found in between the text book pages.

She's so surprised to see it's something so sweet.

The poems really help the two of you bond and show affection towards each other! Especially if you're in a queer relationship, and may need to have things on the down low.

If people see Helen smiling down at her notes, let them think what they want- but they'll never know who it's from or how much it means. It's your special secret between each other <3

[lovinga3characters]

So, I'm very short. How about some headcannons or texts with tall folks from A3 like Sakyo, Banri, Juza, Omi, Tasuku, ad Azuma (you can pick and choose if this is too many) with a tiny s/o of, like, 5'0". 😂

Waddup, shortie~! LOL, I would love to do some SMALL headcanons, it wouldn’t be a TALL order at all! 😈 (Note: some of these boys are teasing devils~)

Sakyo 💴 (178 cm/5’8 ft)

“Hm? Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you. Must’ve missed the movements from all the way up here.” 😌

Don’t be surprised that he teases, Sakyo calls you a little brat for a very good reason

He’ll sigh and roll his eyes when you ask for help getting something from up high but he’s actually happy that you’re relying on him

Ruffles your hair a lot, as if you’re a kid, to make you grumble and pout 😤

Sakyo will enjoy it when you lean against his side on the couch while watching a movie or working, he’s not that confident in his cuddling skills so it’s easier when you start things

Might try to scare you with a kabedon once and a while just a warning—

Banri 🍂 (183 cm/6’0 ft)

“Aww, how’s the weather down there? Are your tiny legs tired from tryin’ to keep up with me? Haha!” 😁

THIS PIECE OF SHIT WILL PICK ON YOU MERCILESSLY- seriously, Banri will always say the most cliché jokes at your expense

This man most definitely uses the top of your head as an elbow rest if he can

On a more serious note, he finds the idea of height differences satisfying, and he’s not gonna lie and say that the idea of you being the ‘short’ one isn’t cute af

Will absolutely destroy anyone that makes fun of you though, he’ll be damned if some fucker calls you weak 🤬

Pulls away from kisses on purpose so that way you’ll have to be on your tippy toes to reach

Juza 🍰 (185 cm/6’0 ft)

“... Do ya need me to reach anything? I don’t wanna let ya get hurt just cause I wasn’t payin’ attention to ya, I’d feel guilty.” 😓

A sweetie who wants to protect you no matter what, even if you’re fully capable!

Kind of likes it when you tug him down to your level in order to kiss him

Please wear Juza’s jacket, he’ll get really embarrassed but it makes him super giddy to see you in it 😊

He’s used to giving piggyback rides because of Muku and his younger brother so free feel to try it out!

Panics so hard when he can’t find you, it’s funny

Omi 🐺 (188 cm/6’1 ft)

“Baby, please, do not try and run off on your own, you’re going to injure yourself. I know you’re tough but that doesn’t mean you need to prove it.” 😣

Gentle giant x angry smol confirmed

But for real, he cares a lot about you, so he’ll give in to your whims most of the time, from piggyback rides to becoming a mock punching bag

YOU CAN LAY ON HIS CHEST SO GOOD AND COMFORTABLY 🥺

Pats the top of your head when you do something praiseworthy and leans down to kiss the very top of your head, smiling like the proud mama he is

Will die from cuteness when you wear his clothes that are too big on you

Tasuku ⚽️ (185 cm/6’0 ft)

“Oof- be careful. I nearly knocked you over, though it might be my bad after all, actually. I wasn’t looking and I know I’m sturdy, sorry.” 😶

Doesn’t have any particularly strong feelings over your height, though he might worry that you’re unable to keep up with him

Subtly considerate, like he puts cups close to the edge so you can grab them easier or moves other items on the lower shelves for you 🤗

Likes to pick you up, either as a workout or simply to take you somewhere with him

Cautiously hugs you, he’s awkward about it in the first place and Tasuku doesn’t want you to suffocate

Has probably used your shirt as a stretched out crop top on accident

Azuma 🥀 (178 cm/5’8 ft)

“We better hold hands so we don’t get lost, hm? It would be a shame if we got separated since there’s no way to spot you among this crowd, fufu~.” 😏

Another one that will tease you, but only if you’re not insecure about it or anything like that

Likes to feed you because, quote, “You’re like my own little pet.” Which either embarrasses you or irritates you

Makes you sit on his lap and wraps his arms around you to cuddle

Big spoon or little spoon? It doesn’t matter your height, Azuma will accept both!

Don’t expect any carrying though because he is WEAK 😅

[imnotusedtobeingloved]

Hello love!! Can I get a male ship of Marvel, GoT and Vikings?? 🙈

I’m a photographer and social activist from the North of Spain, very interested in politics and meeting new cultures. I wish to travel the world with my camera and use my photography as a way of opening people's eyes to other realities. I started writing as a way of expressing my feelings since I tend to keep them to myself and now my house is full of notebooks and diaries. My music taste is rock, folk and country as the main ones but I listen to literally any genre. I'm a very social person and I love my big family but it's really important for me to have time for myself too. I love train rides, nature, reading with a cup of tea warming my hands and art. I started studying music when I was eight and I've been in a bunch of bands as singer and guitarist. I love sitcoms and I laugh at almost everything. I'm a sucker for board games and I'm always the friend of the group who annoys the rest with new plans. When I'm older I'd like to live in the countryside on a big house with a lot of children and animals running around. I'm a libra, hufflepuff, enfp, with rock/grunge/hippie style, 5'4ft with light-brown hair and brown-hazel eyes. To my grandma dismay I have tattoos and my ears are full of ear rings. I consider myself as a passionate, goofy, sweet, positive and naive person. I have a lot of issues in the "dating" area haha it's really hard for me to find someone who I have romantic interest in (more than just physical attraction) and open up to them. I'm the kind of person who prefers to not be attached to anyone but then misses having someone to cuddle with. As I said I good at making friends but not at showing vulnerability and love scares me sometimes.

Hope it wasn't too much information😅😅

Sending lots of love, Rach💖

I SHIP YOU WITH...

BJORN IRONSIDE

Just like you, Bjorn is drawn to foreign lands. He's curious about other cultures and beliefs, which is probably how the two of you would meet. Completely unplanned and by chance. It was a coincidence, really, that the two of you would meet while exploring a country unknown to both of you, you'd say. But Bjorn would call it fate. The two of you quickly notice the many similarities between you and soon you would be making new plans together. What attracts him to you first, other than your looks, is your unique and creative view on the world around you. He could listen to your ideas and visions forever, only stopping you whenever he has a thought of how to make the experience even better. Another thing he admires is your love and loyality to your family. With his own joining in, the two of you might be in for some trouble though, as it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. But then again, that might not be so bad. The two of you are so often away on your travels, that it is pleasant to be home once in a while, even if it might gets chaotic with your relatives, his brothers and all his nephews and nieces running around. It is quite understandable that you might need some time for just you after that, even if he might be reluctant to let you go at first (mostly because he's nervous something might happen to you out of his sight). Nevertheless he enjoys quiet evenings with only the two of you a lot. Snuggled into some fur, with some hot drinks to warm you up, there is nowhere he would rather be.

I SHIP YOU WITH...

BUCKY BARNES

Bucky is the right fit for you. He would steal glimpses at you when you first meet, but he would be quite reluctant to approach you. It would definetely take a long time before the two of you reach the level to have truly deep conversations with each other, but as soon as the step is taken, he gets much more comfortable. Since he isn't bound by a company like Tony, or a Kingdom like T'Challa, Bucky can freely accompany you on your adventures. He'd be fascinated by your work and drive all around the planet with you, preferably with one of you behind the wheel of a car, blasting your favorite music from the radio. Bucky would also be intruiged if you tell him about your time as a singer and guitarist. He probably even ask you to teach him to play (or learn it behind your back to surprise you). Family-wise he would be overwhelmed by so many members at first, being awfully silent when meeting them, until you give him a nudge to put on a smile. But don't worry, he'll get better at that, even if it takes some time. In addition to that, Bucky would never judge you for needing some alone-time. In fact, he feels the same way and understands it perfectly if you prefer some time for yourself once in a while.

I SHIP YOU WITH...

DAARIO NAHARIS

The best man to keep you safe in this case is Daario Naharis, and you will meet him when you least expect it. Once you have captured his interest, he doesn't hesitate for long. In fact, he doesn't hesitate at all. Despite his obviously flirtatious behavior, Daario carries himself with confidence around you, impressing you most with his knowledge about other cultures and especially the many languages he speaks (which is quite helpful ngl). He is able to show you the wildest and most untouched secret places wherever you travel, where there is nobody but the two of you. He is charming and always calm (seriously he gets never nervous or anxious) allowing you to get comfortable around him quickly. In addition to that he can fit in very quickly and has a lot of stories to tell, which is a big plus when meeting your family (he is in their favor so quickly, it's ridiculous). When your desire for alone-time arises he would play to be offended at first, tough when you don't let him off the hook he might say something the lines of: "alone with me, right?" It might take him some time to get it, not gonna lie, but eventually he'd get it. Without a doubt, he is the one able to make you laugh the most. He shares your love for boardgames and does not mind a future with a hoard of children at all.

A/N: Hey Rach! Thank you so much for that lovely ask (there is no such thing as too much information here, haha). Can i just say you seem super sweet and i really hope you like who i've picked out for you! Thank you!

[oreomonsterhunter]

Tag Game

I was tagged by the absolute sweetheart @jhopetodream​ ❤️

Post your favourite/most recent photo of yourself

My most recent is the photoshoot I posted, so have an older one haha

Favorite personality trait of yours

I’m proud of my kindness.  It’s something I didn’t see in myself until I started actively choosing compassion.  And I know this is a deeper answer than this question warrants, but I wanted to remind everyone that kindness and happiness is a choice.  Choose the traits you want to see in yourself, and one day you’ll recognize them in the mirror 🌈

Favorite body part of yours

I quite like my smile (credit goes to my orthodontist)

Favorite aesthetic/style on yourself

Art mom meets cottage grandma?  With a sprinkle of writer academia?  Idk if I have an aesthetic, I’ve been living in pajamas for months

What are you most proud of?

My art, I’m like narcissus but with my paintings.  Catch me staring at my own oceans for half an hour on accident

A trait people say they like about you

Folks say I’m funny

A personality/physical trait that you used to be ashamed of but now appreciate

Glasses, oh boy.  I hated my glasses and thought I looked like a potato.  But now I think they’re hella cute, and I tend to love boys with glasses (@ 14 year old me, stop being a wimp and just get cuter frames)

Favorite color on you

Sultry reds...I see you burgundy 😘

Favorite clothing on you

TURTLENECKS

An aesthetic you want to try but are too scared to

I don’t really have a good answer to this question, but I have an answer.  I always wanted to be that punk kid, and I actually just bought Doc Martens after lusting after them for years.  I might not want to look like a Hot Topic model anymore, but I’m in love with combat boots with everything lol, I can’t remember the last time I left the house wearing anything else...

Things you like getting compliments on the most

Oh gosh, I'm the worst with compliments, I just want to run away.  But I love compliments on things I’ve made or done.  That way I can’t make excuses to myself

Lastly, do you love yourself?

I do.  I’m not always happy with myself, and I can always think of things I want to improve, but I do like myself.  It’s easier to say yes if you ask: would you be friends with yourself?  And I think the answer is usually yes

Tagging: you if you’ve read this far!  I’m the worst at tagging lol, so don’t feel obligated to do this if you don’t want to

[deadmomjokes]

Normal Anon Again 1: Your response was great, don't worry about a thing there. I just really feel stuck because Im still with my emotionally abusive family, and so I had to sneak to even see a doctor. I honestly felt like the doctor barely ever heard me at all, so even though she did prescribe an SSRI (not that she said what brand), I'm kind of scared to continue treatment with her. Because I made the notebook with a lot of care, she said I had OCD and did bring it up again later when I

had refuted it and tried to explain the notebook was just something I wanted to be well done for her. She didn't ever look at it either, so she based it off me buying little tabs and labeling them for ease of access and writing my name on the front I guess? I don't have a lot of money, as I don't have a job, and getting a job is the main reason I want to try medication... I basically have to move out by 2020 from my family, both by their desires and mine, so I'm on acrazy deadline to try to get my life together and I feel like I have no time to find someone new if I'm going to be looking to move away when all the apartments are renting. So it feels like if I want to try medication this is my one chance, but I don't feel like I can trust the doctor handling them. I don't know if I should just try to find a way to make my life work out for a couple months or give the medication a shot even though I don't trust the provider...I've got to worry about getting a job this month or being homeless too, which is why it feels so one or the other for my current situation. Thank you so much for all your feedback, sorry if this was a little messy being explained, I'm a bit frazzled yet, haha.

Oh man, I’m SO very sorry for everything you’re going through! You’re dealing with a ton, and this incident with Dr Garbage certainly didn’t help.

One thing that may be a possibility is going to a normal doctor, like a family medicine doc or general practitioner, and talking to them about your anxiety/depression problems. They can also prescribe psych medication, and it might be easier to pass off around your family and/or to find once you move, since a lot of offices partner or have networks that you can just transfer through. Anyone from a Nurse Practitioner to a PhD in general medicine can prescribe meds like an SSRI or even low-level mood stabilizers. (For my recently upped dosage, I went to a PA-C and they consulted with the folks at my obgyn, so I never even saw a psychiatrist. Tho I’m trying to get in with one anyway, but that’s way beside the point.)

I definitely understand you being unable to trust the current provider; she clearly didn’t hear you or take everything (anything?) into account. Anyone who comes to you from an emotionally abusive situation should warrant a ton of follow-up questions and in-depth probing. Even beyond that, just in general, taking stock of all the symptoms and reviewing any identified triggers is going to go a long way toward real diagnosis. Your notebook should have made her job a breeze, instead of her having to pick through your anecdotes of what happens when, she could just look at your notes! You were doing everything right; a therapist’s dream, honestly. I’ve been in therapy for years and I’m still not that good at keeping tabs on my own symptoms and patterns. I’m enraged on your behalf, because when someone comes to you for help you should reach back out to them, not be prescriptivist even if you’re dealing with prescriptions.

If medication is something you’ve been considering for a while, and feel like it might be a good fit for you, it may be worth trying the current prescription even though the current doctor is garbage, since SSRIs are usually the first try medications anyway. But that always comes with risks, because sometimes the first try doesn’t really work out for you or your specific situation. But SSRIs as a category are pretty safe, and are used for anxiety disorders (including panic disorder and generalized anxiety), ptsd, depression, and ocd as well. So chances are even if you found a psych who did their job well (aka not labeling you ocd for being prepared), they were going to land on an SSRI as a first try, too. That definitely doesn’t make it an easy decision, tho. That nagging fear may always be with you if you try it anyway despite not really trusting her diagnosis, and that could add a layer of complexity to deciding whether the medicine is right for you. Especially if you end up needing to switch medication or dosage, having a doctor you trust from the outset is going to be important.

I obviously cannot tell you what to do, nor do I want to, or even think I should if I could, because personal situations are just that--personal. I would only caution that if you’re already having difficulty getting or doing a job without medical assistance (ie medication), that trying it under serious stress for a few months may do more harm than good as far as worsening your difficulties, or causing new ones. However, sometimes we aren’t in the position to make the “best” decision for our health because living takes precedence; I’ve taken plenty of jobs that wrecked my mind and body and I kept them anyway because I absolutely had to. So I’m not going to get on a high horse because I know exactly how hard it is, and the difficult decisions you have to make in order to survive. I’m just so very sorry you are in that position to make such a decision.

If you do decide to try the medication anyway, some tips on kind of “going it alone” since you won’t be able to/won’t want to go back to the original doctor:

Start at a lower dose than the full final dosage. If she didn’t prescribe a “titration” schedule, starting at half dose for a week is a good place to begin.

Understand that things might get worse before they get better. You might have horrible mood swings, really bad depressive days, or bad anxiety spells before you start seeing the true effects. This isn’t indicative of whether the medicine is going to work eventually, but if it becomes too much for you to deal with, you should stop anyway.

Side effects may come and go. Just worth noting.

If possible, have someone close to you who knows that you’re starting this medicine. Obviously not a family member given your situation, but if you have a friend or anyone you do trust in your immediate vicinity, or even a friend you communicate with long-distance, make sure someone knows. That way you have someone to report in to and who can check up on you as you adjust.

Start by taking them with food, even if it doesn’t have a nausea warning. I’d suggest evening meal or soon thereafter, because SSRIs often cause drowsiness at first (great for helping with insomnia tho!).

You’re probably going to have a full month or two before it reaches its peak effect, since this is your first time trying them. You might see some relief right away, but full efficacy takes time as it builds up in your system. If you can tolerate the side effects (or don’t have any), and you’re able to deal with the mood swings or psychiatric effects, stick with it at least 6 weeks.

Listen to that “don’t drive or operate machinery” warning. First-time-medication drowsiness is a special breed that sneaks up on you and also makes you feel WEIRD.

You can also see about filling the prescription and then researching the name on the label before you decide whether or not to take it. Or, if you have an online account with the pharmacy, as with CVS, you can see the name of the drug there, or even call the pharmacy she sent it to and ask them what the name of it was (”for insurance purposes” or “because I forgot which one it was”) and then research it on sites like Mayo Clinic and rxlist.com (don’t do webmd). These websites include lists of what it’s approved to treat, so if you’re fairly certain you actually have anxiety/depression, look for that on the list. Just know that all websites are essentially required to remind you that an SSRI (really any antidepressant or mood stabilizer) could worsen any suicidal thoughts or behaviors, though this is mostly a risk for the 24 and under crowd with emphasis on teenagers. And it doesn’t happen to everyone.

Should you decide not to do the medicine right now because of the doctor who prescribed it, I applaud you for your bravery and strength in facing both your uncertain future and your mental/emotional difficulties without the assistance you feel you need. That’s a hard, hard thing to do, and I wish it wasn’t a choice you had to make.

I’ll be sending good vibes, thoughts, and prayers your way as you’re dealing with so many transitions and difficulties. I know cyber hugs are kind of a dated internetism, and may not mean much, but I give you all the cyber hugs my cyber arms can muster.

[fatgalfitness]

These are my someday bins.

Or I guess you could call them my past life bins. Because in a past life, I was small enough to fit into the clothes in these bins. In a past life, I weighed 60 pounds less than I do now. I could shop straight sizes. I could share clothes with friends. I could try things on without fear of getting stuck.

But see, even "skinny Theresa" didn't realize she was skinny Theresa. She still saw fat Theresa. Even though I had lost 130 pounds, the equivalent of a literal other grown woman, it was never enough. I was still too big. Too much.

I swore I would never be one of those statistics. You know the ones. 95% of people who lose significant weight gain it all back. And then some. It's shocking clickbait that is relatively true, though is more medical folk lore than hard data these days.

But then the panic disorder happened. And couple that with serious depression and crippling anxiety, and you get a 90 pound weight gain.

It broke me for a long time. Just a few years ago, I was under 200 pounds. I was lifting heavy things, running half marathons...hell, I did a sprint triathlon just for fun! I don't understand how it happened. How did I fall so far? How did I undo all of the hard work I had done?

Life's a funny thing. And by funny I mean hard as hell. How did it happen? It happened because suddenly, the energy I spent counting calories, cooking crazy healthy meals, and getting up at 5am to run and do CrossFit had to be spent on literally surviving.

When my panic disorder punched me in the face in the middle of grad school, I wanted to die. Not the haha kind, but the serious, I don't want to be on this Earth anymore kind. It's hard to admit that. But when all this hard work started to come undone, it was because I had to fight the part of my brain that wanted to kill me.

So I gave it up. The calorie counting, the 5am workouts, the being strong and together and that fitness chick. I got into therapy, and on medication. I spent my days just trying not to die, nevermind finding my new one rep max.

I spent years in that place. I finished grad school, I moved around, took different jobs, tried different gyms, but it followed me. My year in Louisville was one of the hardest of my life, for a multitude of reasons. It's the year that it all caught up. I had tried running from myself, tried finding quick fixes to keep the weight off. But the life I had to live in Louisville demanded every ounce of me. So I gave up. Again, I just had to survive. I got into therapy. I got off the medication. But I didn't have anything left for eating right. I didn't have the strength to fight the panic and get to the gym.

So I gained it back. Not all of it. But A LOT of it. Not all at once, but soon enough, I looked in the mirror and fat Theresa was back.

Next week marks a year since I moved to Indiana. It has been hard. I've been fighting those same demons since I got here. I still spend a lot of my energy on not dying.

But these days, I've found a little more space. Not a lot. I'm still not up at 5am, cooking the healthiest meals possible, tracking every last calorie, and drinking vodka sodas because they have the least calories. And I might never be back there. But that might not be a bad thing.

See, over the last six months, I've found space. Space to take care of myself again. Space to be that fitness chick again. Space to care about myself, above just trying not to die.

When I moved here, I had three past life bins. But slowly, that space I've found had let me do a few things. Like since I joined revolution fitness, I've lost around 25 pounds. Like finally donating/selling crap I'm never going to wear again, no matter what size I am. I've started eating healthy again. I've started doing active things that bring me joy. These feel like the smallest steps, but it's something. And I need to celebrate something, cause it beats the hell out of nothing.

So those are my someday bins. Maybe, someday, I'm going to lose these 60 pounds and be able to wear these clothes again. Maybe, someday, my brain and I are going to get on the same page and find the pure, sweet joy in a life lived lifting heavy things and eating weird ass healthy recipes I made up. I really hope that someday becomes a reality. But if it doesn't, I'm going to have to get okay with that too. Maybe my someday is only 30 pounds away. Maybe my someday is actually right now. The thought of that scares the hell out of me, because fat Theresa is not the version of Theresa that I want to spend the rest of my days with. BUT if fat Theresa lives a healthy, fulfilled life in this body? Okay.

Okay. That's okay. If these someday bins are not actually someday bins, but only past life bins, okay. I fought like hell through this entire journey. So no matter where we go from here, I have to be proud of past and present Theresa. She's been through hell. But she's still here.

[thewishingcap]

Hello. I noticed in the section titled "about fleets" that you are an INTJ. I am an INTP and I'm interested in what it's really like to be an INTJ, since of course the stereotypes aren't very accurate and the testing sites don't always get the full picture. Also, if you can, could you please list what you think the types would be for the characters you write about (besides Vaati)

Hi there anon!

(this… this turned out to be super long. I’m self absorbed apparently. aha)

Hmmm. What it’s like to be me huh. I’ve taken the test at least 5 times spread out across years and I’ve always only scored INTJ and agree with a lot of the descriptions haha. It uh… it kind of makes me sound like an ass. And I guess I am, and I’ve said that before, but I got comments telling me people didn’t believe me. But I’m an ass, and, well, more on that on the last few paragraphs but first: 

I think the part that struck me the most when reading the descriptions of INTJ was that we don’t think things are impossible. Nothing is impossible to achieve, though some things might be difficult. It’s not straight up idealism, just… I guess a sort of arrogant logical truth. If I can’t achieve something, it’s because I was lazy, or didn’t think the effort to get there is worth the result (like, if I really wanted to be an astronaut I could find some way to do it. Going to space sounds totally cool, but would I actually expend effort in it? Well, no, given that my baseline capability, my financial situation, and my mental health among other things… i wouldn’t be able to reasonably handle it. But possible? With enough time? Absolutely. Or I want to be a pro basketball player even though I don’t have the height for it? Will it be hard to succeed? Well hells yeah I’m starting with a disadvantage that I have no control over that other people don’t have to deal with. But impossible? Not if I try hard enough and take advantage of every advantage I could possibly find). 

… not saying people should agree with me on the above, but that’s just my approach to life in general and served me well so far. 

I guess the most important idea to me is that, if I’m not doing something, it’s not because of some outside forces that I wasn’t able to do it. It’s because I actively chose not to do it. It brings the responsibility of both my successes and failures onto me, alone, and even if it sucks sometimes I like the concept. 

And telling me I can’t do something is absolutely the way to get me to think of a way to do that very thing. 

I like rules. I like logic. I don’t like making situational rules that have no basis of fairness. I enjoy seemingly illogical contradictions that still, on some level, follow some kind of rule (even random-seeming characters that I write still have their own personal rules that make sense to them). I also like situations with loopholes that aren’t explicitly covered in the rules (kind of going back to point 1… sometimes solutions are there if you’re creative enough or a dick enough to find them. Does it seem fair? Not always. Is it fair? Absolutely, according to the rules, and I expect the rest to adhere to the same kind of dickery because it’s equally available to all, not just myself). 

Also I don’t do social. At least, I only do it on my own terms. Invite me to a party I hadn’t planned, and I’ll probably bail. I almost always have some kind of schedule on when I’m doing what, and for how long, and I tend to plan this days or even weeks in advance (and because these don’t include social hangouts, usually, unless I was the one to plan it, accepting these invitations tend to give me more stress than anything). Another thing I agree with the profiling: I’m unapologetically blunt, to both strangers and friends alike, if they do something I’m not fly with. People might get butthurt but they know where I stand.

One thing I disagree with on most of the descriptions from INTJ tests is that they often say INTJs ‘think carefully before they speak,’ or ‘are intelligent,’ or ‘present carefully constructed thought out answers to questions.’ I don’t see myself as any of these things. I usually say the first dum thing that comes to my head. 

Last… I’m highly critical, of myself and, I hate to say it, of others. Most folks on tumblr see my self-critical side, since I often lament about stuff I could have done better and my uh… cringe… regarding the stories I wrote that I once thought was passable. I can’t honestly let myself say “I love what I did, it’s perfect and great,” because I can always think of something I could have done better? But I don’t say this in any negative way, just… recognizing it as truth by logic, and self reflection so I can do even better the next time. 

I adhere to others’ works with the same critical eye, which tends to bite me in the butt. Usually if no one personally asks me for help on improvement, I’ll leave it alone. They’re having fun and having a good time, I won’t ruin that: I know my own self-critique is always on High Mode that’s probably not reasonable and maybe a little too harsh, and even if I welcome that myself not everyone does. All of what I said so far, above, I only hold myself to unless…

If they ask for help…? If they lament that they want their situation to change? That’s when I’ll bring that criticism mode on high, what I have set for myself. And… sometimes people are shocked my critique went from 0 to 100 in under 2 seconds. Case in point, had a student who wrote really good assignments for the level of the class. Good grammar, good ideas, thoughtfully written etc. The class wasn’t particularly hard, and it was a first year class so it was more about giving students the confidence to move forward, and while I wrote some comments about improvement here and there, I didn’t ink the entire page red. That scares them. And it’s unnecessary inking for such a small assignment.Same student asked me to proof her personal essay for an application. Now, I knew this application was extremely important, and also part of a very difficult admissions process to which I knew the major folks who would be making the decisions. She asked my help, I want her to succeed, I know how to get her to succeed because by now I know the ins and outs of the admission committee. What do I do? I ink the entire essay top to bottom in red, everything I could possibly think of that could improve. 

She didn’t take that well at all, and probably expected a review that had been more or less what I’d given on the class assignments (but, to me, a 15 minute 1 page weekly assignment is not on the same scale as a 5+ hour 2 page admissions essay). Didn’t bother fixing what I suggested she fix, and what do you know she doesn’t get admitted, and she sends me back an email saying she doesn’t know how she possibly couldn’t have been admitted when she had straight As and good rec letters. Seeing people fail when they could have succeeded, especially when they didn’t do everything I feel they could have done to elevate their chances of success… and they still complain about their situation after the fact 

And that’s why I’m an ass. I had a friend describe me saying that I have a problem with putting myself and others on a “pedestal of perfection.” I’m chill on a lot of things, but that’s only because I don’t find a lot of things important to me. If I look like I’m chill about something, that’s probably why - I just can’t be bothered to try my very best bc it’s not very high on my own scale of importance (also p chill towards others’ shenanigans unless i have a personal stake in whatever it is they’re doin’). In line with that, I’m good at admitting and accepting losses. I tend to make a hierarchy of things that are important, and I’ll let go of the ones on the bottom of my list even if there’s an initial sting to do so. I’ll get over it. 

I’m all about efficiency. Expending the least effort for maximum payout.

The few things that are important, I have zero chill (group projects I have zero chill), and will unintentionally drag people down to my own personal hell of zero-chill when that was never what they wanted. My hyperfocus is real and you can sometimes see it when I post 5 chapter updates in the span of 5 days >_>;;;

ahahaaaa sorry this got out of control anon. When you say characters aside from Vaati, were you thinking of OCs or other characters I’ve written in stories, or my opinion on canon characters in general?

[tbhstudying1]

hellO it's glossier anon again and thanks so much for the tips <3 i'm also looking to get some products from other skincare/makeup brands so!! what are your favorite brands + products? thanks so much <333

y’all im DESPONDENT bc i spent AGES writing a good reply and then MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWN BC OF BATTERY AND THE ASK DIDN’T SAVE :(((( anyhow, here is my very long response under the cut! 

im listing everything that i’ve used / have bc some of the things that didn’t work for me might work for you! do keep in mind that i’m still relatively new to skincare / beauty ;; hope this helps anyways!

if y’all have any beauty / skincare recommendations for me, send me an ask with the name of the product! i get rly excited abt this kind of stuff haha

skincare

my main skin problems: dryness, redness, uneven texture my skin type: dry, ultra sensitive

the ordinary niacinamide serum

got this for redness, broke me out instead

okay, idk if this was the product that broke me out bc i did experience a lot of heat rash during that time and i didn’t patch test BUT im too scared to test this :(

side note: i develop rashes and redness when i’m exposed to too much heat or sun :(((((( 

would not buy again

the ordinary hyaluronic acid serum

i rly haven’t noticed anything or any changes but hey ? at least it doesn’t break me out ?

i’ve noticed that it’s really sticky when it dries down which i do not like……

would not buy again

holika holika aloe vera gel

i bought this bc 1. my aloe vera plant was running out of leaves and 2. i read a post that said the nature republic gel had alcohol in it. also, the packaging is cuter HAHAHA

i primarily use aloe vera gel to soothe the redness and heat rash and sunburn i get :( i also use to help heal acne scars.

i found that fresh aloe vera gel works better but this is good in a pinch

would buy again

thayer’s witch hazel rose water toner

it smells rly rly rly good !!!! also it’s quite affordable considering how much product you get in a single bottle. it’s lasted me so so long and a friend told me zendaya uses it too hahaha

i haven’t noticed any real change ? i think folks with oily skin might rly benefit from this too but hey !! it didn’t break my skin out

would buy again but i wanna experiment with more toners

cetaphil facial cleanser and lotion

my HOLY GRAIL of ALL skincare bc it’s gentle and doesn’t break me out and keeps my skin soft and GOD i would DIE for cetaphil 

i’ve been religiously using cetaphil after i had this horrible skin experience as a child. my doctor was like “hey you should use cetaphil” and ever since then, my skin has been calmer

definitely !!! would buy !!! again!!!!!!

cosrx good morning gel cleanser

god im so despondent whenever i think about this one

everyone !! loves this !!! but !!! it left my skin feeling stripped and kinda broke me out. i think it’s the tea tree oil that i’m sensitive to? but god i just wanted to love this so much more than i actually did…….

would not buy again

cosrx acne patches

cosrx redeems itself in my eyes with THESE MAGIC PATCHES

slap one on your pimple when it comes to a head and it’ll draw all the gunk out

notes: make sure to keep it on for as long as possible, pimples may take more than one patch to get everything out, and don’t apply when your skin is still wet / damp or else it won’t stick as well

would buy again

naive peach facial cleanser

im a weak bitch for anything peach scented. everyone who knows me can confirm.

unfortunately, this cleanser left my skin feeling stripped. it didn’t break me out though. folks with oily skin might like this better ?? it smells SO SO GOOD THOUGH

would not buy again

innisfree peach hand lotion

it !!!!! smells so good!! and like i said!!!! im a weak ass bitch for peach-scented things!!!! leaves my hands feeling so soft!!!

would buy again

beauty

im a n00b at beauty makeup stuff HAHAHHA also the reason why i have so much colourpop stuff is purely bc i only buy during sales and i get literally everything for at least half the price + free shipping DSJKJDSKJK

colourpop double entendre eyeshadow palette

affordable esp since i got it during a sale + free shipping

note: if you wanna buy anything from colourpop, wait until there’s a sale

good mix of mattes and shimmers, good shades for natural makeup

i don’t rly know how to use or apply makeup so im too much of a Coward to buy eyeshadows with bright shades and whatever. this was a rly nice palette to buy + i can do looks that im more comfy with :”) i lov me some good browns and coppers :”)

colourpop blotted lippies (bee’s knees, on a stick, candyfloss)

like all colourpop lipstick products, do not use if your lips are chapped. every flake of dry skin will show :(

bee’s knees is my fav

i prefer more natural and vibrant pink/red shades

on a stick is too coral, candyfloss is too nude

colourpop ultra blotted lip (zuma)

too matte and nude for my tastes, but it applied very nicely and didn’t budge when it dried down

dw dw it takes some time to dry so you can fix mistakes if necessary

i think it looks good on my lips after blotting once tho

colourpop super shock shadows

god i wanted to like these and i impulsively bought a whole bunch of shimmery ones but i hate all of them

i prefer applying eyeshadow with brushes and it’s harder to do that with these. also, the ones i bought are way too shimmery for me

i have too many and i’ve literally only used them once for tests on my wrist. idk what to do with these anymore.

at least i got these for less than half the price and with free shipping during a sale

colourpop super shock highlighter (wisp)

this highlighter!!! i love it!!! it matches well with my skin tone and i bought it after amy vagabond recommended it for asian skin tones. it’s not super obvious and extra bright, but you can definitely build it up to that blindingly bright highlight if you want to. i use it mostly as a natural-looking highlight

physician’s formula liquid eyeliner

i recently got this from the drugstore bc i wanted a dupe for kat von d tattoo liner + i heard that this was a pretty close one. i like it but i haven’t used it enough to give you a solid opinion on it

maybelline volumizing mascara

god there are so many different versions of these…. i just picked the dark blue non-waterproof one and went with it bc they all sound the same DJSKSDJK

fyi: i hate waterproof mascaras bc they take forever to remove and i suck at removing mascara and it drives me nuts!!

but hell yeah they give you VOLUME

they do have fallout :(((( i have to check in the mirror every couple of hours to swipe away flakes of dried mascara but THE VOLUME !!

laura mercier translucent setting powder

listen, this stuff is $$$ compared to everything else on this list, but i borrow it from my mum HAHAHA

it rly is a nice powder though! no flashback, no weird white cast, and blends in seamlessly with my bb cream / foundation

maybelline bb cream (the one with pink letters in medium)

eh, it’s just bb cream

i’ve got no solid opinion on it since i use the glossier one more frequently. it’s thicker and more coverage, but the glossier one is easier to spread over the face purely bc of its thinner consistency. im a lazy girl who wakes up late so any makeup (if any) has to be quick and on the go

i’ll probably use this one more once i run out of the glossier one

l’oreal bb cream (medium)

god i hate this so much

it’s supposed to have little balls of pigment that pop and add color to the cream but it just turns out to be inconsistent and weird. 

things that are coming soon / in the process of testing

benton snail bee essence

laneige water sleeping mask

hada-labo goku-jyun hyaluronic lotion

banila co clean it zero cleansing balm

skinfood sheet mask

things that i want

canmake mermaid spf gel

fenty beauty lip gloss

moonshot cushion

too faced palette (not bc of the colors, just bc of the peach scent)

son & park beauty water

etude house sunprise sun milk

peripera lip tint

3ce foundation

from for the dreams i want to catch https://ift.tt/2OMDnx0 via See More

[tbhstudying]

hellO it's glossier anon again and thanks so much for the tips

y’all im DESPONDENT bc i spent AGES writing a good reply and then MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWN BC OF BATTERY AND THE ASK DIDN’T SAVE :(((( anyhow, here is my very long response under the cut! 

im listing everything that i’ve used / have bc some of the things that didn’t work for me might work for you! do keep in mind that i’m still relatively new to skincare / beauty ;; hope this helps anyways!

if y’all have any beauty / skincare recommendations for me, send me an ask with the name of the product! i get rly excited abt this kind of stuff haha

skincare

my main skin problems: dryness, redness, uneven texturemy skin type: dry, ultra sensitive

the ordinary niacinamide serum

got this for redness, broke me out instead

okay, idk if this was the product that broke me out bc i did experience a lot of heat rash during that time and i didn’t patch test BUT im too scared to test this :(

side note: i develop rashes and redness when i’m exposed to too much heat or sun :(((((( 

would not buy again

the ordinary hyaluronic acid serum

i rly haven’t noticed anything or any changes but hey ? at least it doesn’t break me out ?

i’ve noticed that it’s really sticky when it dries down which i do not like......

would not buy again

holika holika aloe vera gel

i bought this bc 1. my aloe vera plant was running out of leaves and 2. i read a post that said the nature republic gel had alcohol in it. also, the packaging is cuter HAHAHA

i primarily use aloe vera gel to soothe the redness and heat rash and sunburn i get :( i also use to help heal acne scars.

i found that fresh aloe vera gel works better but this is good in a pinch

would buy again

thayer’s witch hazel rose water toner

it smells rly rly rly good !!!! also it’s quite affordable considering how much product you get in a single bottle. it’s lasted me so so long and a friend told me zendaya uses it too hahaha

i haven’t noticed any real change ? i think folks with oily skin might rly benefit from this too but hey !! it didn’t break my skin out

would buy again but i wanna experiment with more toners

cetaphil facial cleanser and lotion

my HOLY GRAIL of ALL skincare bc it’s gentle and doesn’t break me out and keeps my skin soft and GOD i would DIE for cetaphil 

i’ve been religiously using cetaphil after i had this horrible skin experience as a child. my doctor was like “hey you should use cetaphil” and ever since then, my skin has been calmer

definitely !!! would buy !!! again!!!!!!

cosrx good morning gel cleanser

god im so despondent whenever i think about this one

everyone !! loves this !!! but !!! it left my skin feeling stripped and kinda broke me out. i think it’s the tea tree oil that i’m sensitive to? but god i just wanted to love this so much more than i actually did.......

would not buy again

cosrx acne patches

cosrx redeems itself in my eyes with THESE MAGIC PATCHES

slap one on your pimple when it comes to a head and it’ll draw all the gunk out

notes: make sure to keep it on for as long as possible, pimples may take more than one patch to get everything out, and don’t apply when your skin is still wet / damp or else it won’t stick as well

would buy again

naive peach facial cleanser

im a weak bitch for anything peach scented. everyone who knows me can confirm.

unfortunately, this cleanser left my skin feeling stripped. it didn’t break me out though. folks with oily skin might like this better ?? it smells SO SO GOOD THOUGH

would not buy again

innisfree peach hand lotion

it !!!!! smells so good!! and like i said!!!! im a weak ass bitch for peach-scented things!!!! leaves my hands feeling so soft!!!

would buy again

beauty

im a n00b at beauty makeup stuff HAHAHHA also the reason why i have so much colourpop stuff is purely bc i only buy during sales and i get literally everything for at least half the price + free shipping DSJKJDSKJK

colourpop double entendre eyeshadow palette

affordable esp since i got it during a sale + free shipping

note: if you wanna buy anything from colourpop, wait until there’s a sale

good mix of mattes and shimmers, good shades for natural makeup

i don’t rly know how to use or apply makeup so im too much of a Coward to buy eyeshadows with bright shades and whatever. this was a rly nice palette to buy + i can do looks that im more comfy with :”) i lov me some good browns and coppers :”)

colourpop blotted lippies (bee’s knees, on a stick, candyfloss)

like all colourpop lipstick products, do not use if your lips are chapped. every flake of dry skin will show :(

bee’s knees is my fav

i prefer more natural and vibrant pink/red shades

on a stick is too coral, candyfloss is too nude

colourpop ultra blotted lip (zuma)

too matte and nude for my tastes, but it applied very nicely and didn’t budge when it dried down

dw dw it takes some time to dry so you can fix mistakes if necessary

i think it looks good on my lips after blotting once tho

colourpop super shock shadows

god i wanted to like these and i impulsively bought a whole bunch of shimmery ones but i hate all of them

i prefer applying eyeshadow with brushes and it’s harder to do that with these. also, the ones i bought are way too shimmery for me

i have too many and i’ve literally only used them once for tests on my wrist. idk what to do with these anymore.

at least i got these for less than half the price and with free shipping during a sale

colourpop super shock highlighter (wisp)

this highlighter!!! i love it!!! it matches well with my skin tone and i bought it after amy vagabond recommended it for asian skin tones. it’s not super obvious and extra bright, but you can definitely build it up to that blindingly bright highlight if you want to. i use it mostly as a natural-looking highlight

physician’s formula liquid eyeliner

i recently got this from the drugstore bc i wanted a dupe for kat von d tattoo liner + i heard that this was a pretty close one. i like it but i haven’t used it enough to give you a solid opinion on it

maybelline volumizing mascara

god there are so many different versions of these.... i just picked the dark blue non-waterproof one and went with it bc they all sound the same DJSKSDJK

fyi: i hate waterproof mascaras bc they take forever to remove and i suck at removing mascara and it drives me nuts!!

but hell yeah they give you VOLUME

they do have fallout :(((( i have to check in the mirror every couple of hours to swipe away flakes of dried mascara but THE VOLUME !!

laura mercier translucent setting powder

listen, this stuff is $$$ compared to everything else on this list, but i borrow it from my mum HAHAHA

it rly is a nice powder though! no flashback, no weird white cast, and blends in seamlessly with my bb cream / foundation

maybelline bb cream (the one with pink letters in medium)

eh, it’s just bb cream

i’ve got no solid opinion on it since i use the glossier one more frequently. it’s thicker and more coverage, but the glossier one is easier to spread over the face purely bc of its thinner consistency. im a lazy girl who wakes up late so any makeup (if any) has to be quick and on the go

i’ll probably use this one more once i run out of the glossier one

l’oreal bb cream (medium)

god i hate this so much

it’s supposed to have little balls of pigment that pop and add color to the cream but it just turns out to be inconsistent and weird. 

things that are coming soon / in the process of testing

benton snail bee essence

laneige water sleeping mask

hada-labo goku-jyun hyaluronic lotion

banila co clean it zero cleansing balm

skinfood sheet mask

things that i want

canmake mermaid spf gel

fenty beauty lip gloss

moonshot cushion

too faced palette (not bc of the colors, just bc of the peach scent)

son & park beauty water

etude house sunprise sun milk

peripera lip tint

3ce foundation