#i'm genuinely over that. idc. i'm glad to put that stupid shit behind us because a man is NEVER worth it!!

[heathermason1983]

I was also told that she felt bad because she thought that our friend breakup was her fault and it hurt so bad to hear that because it wasn't her fault. I mean she did do lame things but i was suuuuuch a difficult person to be around and to be friends with. There was so much hatred and disappointment i had for myself and i never took care of my diabetes so i would be fucking raging and angry every day because that's what high blood sugar does to you, i kept being switched to different anxiety and depression meds which would royally fuck over my mental and emotional states each time, and i had like 0 self-reflection skills and i spent the entirety of high school trying to be someone else. If you keep lying to yourself and refuse to admit things about yourself then you'll never recognize yourself or the things you need or the emotions you feel because you lack the ability to be honest with yourself and i struggled with that for soooooo fucking long. Anyway high school sucked but mostly because i was such a shitty person. If i could redo any part of my life I would go back to high school and take care of myself more. I would take care of my diabetes and get some exercise and stop myself from turning inward and instead force myself to turn outward towards people. Remembering high school brings me so much shame because i could have done better, i could have been better, i could have been nicer. I guess that's one of the painful parts of growing up is realizing how big of an idiot you've been.