#i'm forced to go to a bbq in a few hours

[amywritesthings]

part three has only been up since 9AM my time

i have been answering comments all morning

i dont think you guys realize how much your reactions and joy mean to me. this week has been so, so tough and i just... writing is my literal lifeline. it's all i have to keep me going sometimes. so i cannot thank you enough for this unreal moment where i get to share such positivity and excitement in such a dark time for me. you are all so incredibly kind for engaging with my work, and i'm so thrilled that maybe my writing made your day a little brighter, too.

[tabl3]

beginning of a oneshot i'm writing

Oliver let out a blood-curdling shriek. 

The projectile was zipping at his head, at least eighty miles per hour. 

He ducked to avoid it, feeling it sail so close that it grazed his scalp.

“Chase, look out!” Kaz shouted. 

Chase had just entered from the rooftop door, flipping through a book. He snapped up as the volleyball came flying toward him.

It screeched to a halt a centimeter from the tip of his nose, floating there.

Chase nodded to his left, making it shoot back over the net and land on the girls’ side before even Bree could stop it.

“HAH!” Kaz pointed two fingers at Bree and Skylar. “Point!”

“Your first,” Skylar teased, catching the ball when Bree, miffed, tossed it to her. It was a sunny afternoon, bordering on too warm, but with a nice breeze to cut through the heat. Four of the five Elite Force members had decided to go up on the roof, set up the volleyball set that Bree had purchased from a sketchy website a few months ago, and waste the day. Due to their packaged deal philosophy, Kaz and Oliver had chosen each other as a team. What fools they had been. Bree was a devil. A beast. A monster. Evil. Skylar wasn’t much better. The boys were up to forty-nine misses in the half-hour they’d been up there.

Chase rolled his eyes fondly. “Have you guys eaten lately?”

Four nods. 

“Okay, good,” he waved his hand, bringing a package of water bottles from the alcove. One was thrown to each person. The girls caught theirs. Oliver again ducked under his. Kaz’s smacked him in the face. “Oliver, Kaz, watch the temperature. Don’t overheat.”

“Yes, Mom,” they echoed.

“Bree, Skylar, go a little,” he pinched his fingers together. “Easy on them.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Chase put his hands on his hips. “Don’t come crying to me when you get too tired to celebrate tonight.”

“What are we celebrating again?” Skylar asked, resting her elbow on her girlfriend’s head.

“Only one of the best holidays ever!” Kaz exclaimed, springing to his feet.

“Yeah!” Oliver backed him up. “Watermelon, fireworks, random cold salads, barbecues!”

“I make some bomb ass bbq, girl,” Kaz bragged, puffing out his chest. He’d already spent the previous evening making far too many sides for five people, which of course caused the kitchen to explode. It took Chase and Oliver hours to clean, because Bree was conveniently gone and Kaz dragged Skylar into their room for whatever reason. No one knew why he did anything, generally speaking.

“It’s the way neither of them answered my question,” Skylar deadpanned with a snort. 

“Yeah, they do that,” Chase observed. He folded his arms, lightly smiling. “It’s the Fourth of July.”

“And?” Skylar blinked.

“Big party. Celebrating the country,” Chase toed a loose piece of gravel. “Frankly, I never understood why.”

Kaz gasped as though Chase just admitted he was cheating on him, slapping a hand to his chest. 

“Hot dogs! Ice cream! Sparklers!” he listed, dramatically counting on his fingers. Chase snorted, shoving his face away.

“Fireflies! Picnic blankets!” Oliver chimed in. “Sparklers! Watermelon!”

“You already said that, buddy.”

“Oh, did I?”

“Yep.”

“Well, it deserves it.”

“True.”

“Anyway,” Bree cleared her throat. “We don’t really have to celebrate it.”

Kaz gasped again, as though she had just admitted that Chase was cheating on him. 

“You don’t have to do that every time.”

“Guys!” he threw his hands up. “It’s literally the most nostalgic thing ever! Do you have no shame?”

“I guess fireworks looked nice from the TV in our basement lab,” Bree said sarcastically.

“Around Earth’s summer we had a gladiator tournament to purge the weak from our forces on Caldera,” Skylar offered.

Silence. A bird squawked.

“Jeez,” Kaz smacked his lips. “I forget how fucked your childhoods were.”

“Whatever the case, I need to get back to work,” Chase turned with a wave. “Have fun.”

“NOOOOO!” 

He was halted.

“...What the hell?”

“Babe, you gotta rescue us!” Kaz cried, holding onto his ankle and laying on the roof like a kid being dragged out of a toy store. “We’re getting smoked!”

“Pleaseee!” Oliver begged, gripping his other. “We need you.”

Chase stared at them incredulously.

Skylar and Bree covered their mouths to hide their giggles.

“How old are you two again?”

“69,” Kaz replied before Chase finished the last syllable. 

“It’s funny every time.”

“Thanks.”

[narasnooze]

@konohadaddies

"We're alone now, so go on. Admit it." [Your choice of muse]

Shikamaru had been quite short with everyone the entire evening, and more sour than usual. Unfortunately mostly so with Asuma, for stupid reasons.

It had begun well... the old team ten and a few other friends had joined together at their favourite BBQ place. Then, as they were all older now, it had continued to the bars. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, laughing, retelling each other good and fun memories and eventually more people had joined in, strangers, and with that; flirting...

Of course Asuma, unaware or not, quickly drew people to himself. He was a magnet of attraction. Understandably. Shikamaru was not too happy about it. Which he also knew was extremely selfish, sad and frankly idiotic. He was nothing, and he knew that. But it didn't stop him from feeling annoyed and wanting to leave.

After a few more bitter replies and declines of more to drink or eat, Asuma had pulled him aside. Shikamaru knew that the man had tried to get answers out of him during the last hour about if something wrong and why he was so annoyed. Asuma had probably even joked about him being jealous at some point, but the Nara had waved it all off, trying to force himself onto other thoughts. Without success, unfortunately. So now, here they suddenly were...

Shikamaru sighed heavily, and in slight frustration. He then shrugged and tried to appear as if he had no idea what Asuma was on about. "Admit what, exactly? I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm tired and I just want to go home now. Can I do that? I'm not exactly the Life of the party kind of guy, anyway. As you know. I think you'll live. There is plenty of..." he gestured back to the bar, rolling his eyes just the slightest. "––Entertainment."

[the-firebird69]

We're looking at his idea of taking over companies he was running and that's John remillard and he only was running a couple no he really didn't run any and he's not running Bechtel he's just one of the chairman so that's one that we have to take him out of and take over

-Bechtel persons breaker Hall is no longer a practical process breaker off it's just Bechtel and it is always been just been telling it was a temporary joint venture and yeah that's good these people are dumb it's not good they're really stupid so we are taking him apart but in that process you realize something this guy just saying all the stuff to our son and he's meaning to say it to us and it says it all day long so we're going after him for saying it and he is getting too he's asking and he says he doesn't care so we don't care and we are going to dismantle him but really the point is it's awful people in here you all right so people are moving in to attack him but there are several companies that we are going to clear out from him being inside and they are coming up and they're famous huge and important and we will dissolve this guys we want him out badly and we mean it too my son was using that notebook and he asked in mind only left in the store and you want to try he wants to try and retrieve it usually they hold on to it for a few days and we have an idea that these people suck okay he's been sitting there trying to get the notebook and we also have an idea that our own people are sometimes kind of anus but they do things that work and what work is getting the notebook to the idiots and it points out that they're all committed fraud on a grand scale and we can't really afford it because they're doing it in purpose and their evil people yeah we do know what their plot is it's very bad and people like cracks and revealed it and we're going over it and over it and we're going after them but really we just have to get rid of them and yeah they're a waste of time they don't want to run most of the program which is necessary anyways please say you will probably die but then they say we just have to defend our planet then they say they've never seen one blow up and produce the evidence and stuff like that and nobody does and you don't want to talk to him and that's what's going on and boy they look like assholes out there people are cutting them up for food and right next to them they're saying stupid s*** like it's part of our group and he deserved it so the people doing say why don't you hop over here and we need to talk to you sometimes they do and they stab them right there and they throw them on the pile and yet idiots still stand there same stuff you already disgusting people and we hate you for it and yeah you're funny he likes watching you die and we like watching Brian die and he was barbecued and he was BBQ by Trump who said it was car and Terrence guns g a r t h suffered and he was playing in my blaming her son so he hit him he did a few times and he goes up to Trump and says I know it's you but he keeps saying we're having you hit for blaming me so I'm bothering him too and he says if you ever going to hit you we are going to hit you and we start hitting it to make a long story short their plans to just blow up the place and they don't know precautions will be and they say all sorts of things but they're not engineers and they're not scientists and we are after them for it and they're supposed to do it for the empire and they are and their weak meeting with cases of s*** and we need our army now and return of asking we are tired of asking or putting it out there and you either sign up or you going to get left behind to fry like these pieces of s*** you hear what we're saying it's in English you are giving notice you have to get up and over it and force yourself to if your hours or you'll be left behind to fry like these pieces of s*** whether you acknowledge it's true or not that's what's going to happen and you've been told and we mean offline mostly these people know it's not a way to live at all

Thor Freya

We sent the call we expected a lot more to sign on as in all of you that is what you are to do. You're not too dilly-dally wonder if it's the right thing to do or ask everybody on the Sun you have to go in and sign up to save yourself what better place to be than in our military to be safe. For thousands of years the call was known to be waited for and it is here and we call we called you are to answer it by signing on it should not be a mystery why if it is find out quickly for your own sake and your family and your friends

Zues Hera

I'll be right down there signing up to figure out what it is to help my family he says that's the job of them and the head of the household and he's saying it to me

Hera

We have to tell you some people hear it but he's going to publish now the above message is for our people

Savage opress

OURS ARE TO READ THE ABOVE

[more-than-a-princess]

Just dropping in a note to say that you, Rae, are particularly cool and fun to write with. I hope youre having a good one. Or else.

Unprompted OOC asks - It's Munday go wild (but not too wild)!

Just going to hold up a mirror and make you repeat that back to yourself...

In short, thank you for your compliments and I'm giving them right back at you in return! Accept them, or I'll need to start sending you random asks.

As far as my day goes: work is mostly chill, just a lot of it. I mostly want some replies back from businesses I'm giving cosplay commissions to: a sketch of an upcoming outfit, in particular. And a few more wig fiber swatches so I can decide on some colors for pre-styled wigs.

Other than that, I need to:

finally catch up on the Harry & Meghan Net.flix docu-mess. I'm already a big fan of documentaries and royal history from around the world, past and present. Also, from what I've seen, it looks awful. Still, Net.flix is blessing me with a new season of Em.ily in Par.is and a new Kn.ives Out film this month, so I can't be too mad at it.

force myself to finish reading He.ir of Fi.re by Sarah J. Maas. I understand I really should read this series prior to starting Cr.escent Ci.ty but. For real: WHEN DOES TH.RONE OF G.LASS GET GOOD. She started it when she was a teenager and it shows, but the writing just jumps around too much for my taste and I don't really like any of the characters yet. Just give me more ACOTAR plzkthx. I'm tempted to just start From Blo.od and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout or Kin.gdom of the Wic.ked by Kerri Maniscalco instead, but I'm also determined to get through everything Maas first.

Plot to cook for my husband a bit next week once we both have some time off work! I'm probably going to make french onion soup for him at least, with a quiche, salad, and fresh baguette croutons topped with gruyere. I love stews and soups this time of year. We may get out our indoor home grill for at-home Korean BBQ.

Reply to our thread with Sonia and Zeyrfial! I've left it as the last thing to write currently as I've been debating how I want Sonia to respond. Beyond annoying a demon: that's a guarantee.

Plot with some mutuals who have requested RP plots. This is a good day for plotting for me, once I reply to that last thread!

And uh: not check the mailbox every hour. Treated myself to some new clothes, a few new posters, and new candles for my recent work anniversary. Etsy is a wonderful, dangerous place for everything fandom. I'm used to just going there for costume materials/commissions!

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 5

To say i didn't get much sleep last night was an understatement! I had spent a couple hours on the phone to my mom telling her about Chris showing up and now knowing about Mason while having a couple glasses of wine. When i finally did go to bed i couldn't switch my brain off,  the last time i had looked at the time it was nearly 4:30am and i knew Mason would be getting up around 6! It felt like i had just closed my eyes when that darling boy of mine came jumping on the bed to wake me up.

After breakfast we both got ready and headed out to the car, i needed to go to the store to get some groceries (if i had guests coming round i should really have something to offer them).

"Oh nooo.... mom creepy Brian is coming out" Mason said quietly.

"Sshhh i told you not to call him that" i chuckled as we rushed to get into the car before Brian could reach us.

"Thats what you and aunt Hannah call him though" he rolled his eyes like i was crazy as i reversed out of the drive.

"Only when we're inside where he can't hear us. You can't say that while his around baby"

"Fine, i wont say it again" he shrugged "is my dad coming back today?"

"He said he was gonna come see you today"

"I like him, he seems cool"

I didn't know what to say to that so i just kept my eyes on the road.

"Mom, dont you like my dad?...."

"Sure i do bud, i just haven't seen your dad in a long time"

"But he makes you sad"

"Im fine Mace, don't you worry" i forced a smiled trying to put on a brave face for him.

Walking around the store i found myself picking up things i knew Chris and Scott liked.... or at least what they used to like.

I was loading the bags into the car when i got a text message.

Chris: Hey, just checking its still okay if we come over today?

Y/N: Sure

Chris: Thats good because we're at the house but your not home....

Y/N: Im at the store, be back in 5 minutes

Chris: 👍🏻

A thumbs up?? Really Chris??

I internally face palmed, he was still a dork.

I spotted Chris's car parked out on the road leaving the drive way empty, once i had parked up he then drove up and parked behind me. Mason was already out the car and running over to see Chris before i even had my belt off!

I got out and walked around to the trunk to get the groceries out.

"Morning Neighbour" i heard Brian approaching.

"God damn it" i muttered under my breath before sticking my head around to see him "hi Brian"

"You need a hand with those bags Y/N?"

"No thanks i'm good, got plenty of help with these two" i threw a thumb back pointing towards Chris & Scott.

"You sure? i don't mind helping you out"

"Its fine, we've got it" Chris said coming to a stop beside me with Scott and Mason either side of him, he reached in and easily scooped up two bags, Scott grabbing the another.

"We're all good, thanks for the offer though"

"Anytime, you know where i am" he smiled and walked back to his house stopping a few times to look back.

"Urghh" i shivered "guy gives me the creeps" i muttered quietly as i shut the trunk and led the way up to the house.

"Is he always like that?" Scott asked his eyes going comically wide at the thought.

"Yeah. He always appears when we're leaving the house or getting back...."

"Thats a little weird"

"Im sure he's harmless...." i shrugged. Chris was being unusually quiet, I didn't ask him what his problem was.

"Mom and aunt Hannah call him creepy Brian but its a secret" Mason said quietly to Chris and Scott even though we were now safely inside.

"Mace, stop it" i laughed shaking my head.

"He can't hear me mom its fine"

"Honestly kid...."

"Wonder where he gets it from huh?" Scott chuckled at me.

"Definitely his dad" i rolled my eyes "i love him more than life itself but he's a pain my ass sometimes" i muttered quietly so Mason couldn't hear.

"Sounds just like Chris" Scott laughed playfully nudging my shoulder with his.

"I heard that!" Chris added just making Scott laugh louder.

I made some sandwiches for lunch and grabbed some drinks taking them all out into the garden where Chris and Scott were kicking a ball around with Mason.

"Foods ready guys" i called out to them once everything was laid out.

"Can i sit next to dad?" Mason asked running over.

"Sure bud, Scott looks like you stuck with me" i shrugged switching their plates around.

"Fine by me sweetheart, id rather sit next to you anyway"

"At least someone wants to sit with me" i joked sticking my tongue out at Mason making him giggle.

"Hey Y/N..?" I heard Brian call from behind me, i sighed closing my eyes before turning around to see him looking over the fence at us.

"Hey Brian, everything okay?"

"Oh yeah! I just wanted to remind you about the BBQ, your friends are more than welcome to join us too"

"Thanks for the invite Brian but i think we're just gonna have a quiet family lunch"

"Okay well if y'all change your mind just come on over"

"Will do" i forced a smiled and turned back around.

"Has he gone?" I whispered to Chris who had the clear view of next door.

"Yeah" he nodded "that guy needs to take a hint".

"I don't think he knows how to" i shook my head before taking a bite of my sandwich.

"Maybe you should give him a shot" Scott teased wiggling his eyebrows.

"No!" Both Chris and I said at the same time.

"Relax i was joking" Scott laughed before shooting Chris a look. Chris looked like he was about say something but his cell phone ringing his pocket drew his attention.

"Sorry i need to take this" he said getting up from the table "hey Lindsey" i heard him say as he walked further down the yard for some privacy.

"Lindsey? That the girlfriend?" I asked Scott quietly, he nodded giving me a sad smile "its fine, i just wondered"

"I don't think it'll last personally"

"He obviously feels differently if he's now wanting that divorce"

"Thats because he's an idiot"

"Not gonna argue with you on that....."

"So what about you? Anyone special in your life Y/N?"

"Yeah Mason" i scoffed "i don't have time for dating. Being a single parent is tough Scott.... most guys run a mile when they hear you have a kid..."

"But you must have dated a bit?"

"Not really" i shook my head feeling my face burn in embarrassment.

"Y/N, there has been someone since my brother right?"

I looked up at Scott slowly shaking my head "no. I've been on a couple dinner dates Hannah set me up on but nothing ever came of it" i shrugged "its fine".

"Jesus woman how long has it been....like 7 years??" He asked looking surprised.

"Something like that" i mumbled picking up my glass of water, my throat suddenly bone dry.

"Girl that is some dry spell, please tell me you at least have a vibrator!" He said quietly so Mason wouldn't hear. I choked on the water that i was swallowing and started coughing before it turned to laugher.

"God i've missed you Scott" i smiled at him.

"I've missed you too! But that doesn't answer my question".

"Whats so funny?" Chris asked as he rejoined us.

"Just Scott being Scott" i rolled my eyes.

"Im finished mom can we go play football again now?" Mason asked looking hopeful.

"In a little bit bud, your dad and Scott are still eating".

Hannah and Lucas turned up unannounced not long after lunch was finished and I was grateful for the distraction. Lucas quickly joined in with Mason, Chris and Scott who were kicking the ball around again while Hannah poured us both a glass of wine.

"So hows it been having him around again?" She asked looking over at Chris.

"Weird. But Mason loves it"

"Your handling it better than i would be!"

"Mason deserves to know his dad, Chris has already been warned that i'll kill him if he does anything to upset him"

"I don't doubt that for a second" she laughed refilling our glasses.

"So..... Friday? I was thinking we start small just hitting some bars then we can end the night at 'Ruby's' for some dancing. I know you need to be wasted before you even consider dancing"

"Han i said id go out for a few drinks not an all nighter!"

"Oh come on! You haven't had a good night out in forever babe, we'll find us some cute guys...."

"Hannah...." i groaned closing my eyes.

"Ooh i heard you mention cute guys" Scott sat down looking very interested in our conversation.

"Im trying to talk Y/N into finding a cute guy to give her some much needed attention when we go out Friday" Hannah told Scott making me roll my eyes.

"Id listen to Hannah, you are in some serious need of male attention"

"But i don't just hook up with strangers guys.... we've talked about this!"

"Well maybe you should! Im just saying you deserve to find someone who makes you happy Y/N. Just because your a mom now doesn't mean you can't find love" Hannah said reaching over taking my hand with a smile. She had a point.... i couldn't sit around waiting for a man who had made his feelings perfectly clear 7 years ago. A man who was in a serious relationship..... maybe it was time to try and move on from him.

"Can i please come with you? I could use a night out" Scott asked looking hopeful.

"Sure, its been a while since you joined us on a night out Scotty" i smiled at him.

"You can help me find this one a man while your at it" Hannah smirked and shared a look with Scott that spelt nothing but trouble.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @denisemarieangelina @mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax @jennmurawski13 @ford66steal @saiyanprincessswanie

[willow-salix]

Random bit of fun that popped into my head. Grandma Tracy + Selene + cooking sherry =

Selene checked the recipe again and nodded to Grandma. It couldn't be that hard could it, to be all domesticated and shit? She had many manly men that she had to cook for, not that she went in for all the "a woman's place is in the kitchen" stereotypes,  but she did think it was important that they came home to something better than their Grandmother's cooking attempts after a tough rescue, and this one looked like it would be a nightmare mission. 

She could cook most things, basic and homely she called it, having learnt baking from her Nan, although she did like to challenge herself now and then.

She had decided in her infinite wisdom that if she was capable of making simple dishes like lasagna, chilli's, soups, burgers, pizza's pancakes, breakfasts and the like, coupled with the fact that she was actually good at baking, she could manage to help Grandma in her mission. It shouldn't be that hard to make their boys some lovely fresh donuts, something they all loved.  Yep, that was a plan! 

Grandma Tracy had wandered back and forth while Selene was assembling the ingredients, flour, salt, yeast, eggs, milk and melted butter and insisted on helping, trying to add her own selections to the mix which Selene gently vetoed, hiding them in the microwave. It would be fine, with her overseeing the proceedings Grandma couldn't get into too much trouble, could she? 

Selene directed Grandma as they slowly added the wet ingredients into a big mixing bowl, one at a time until they made a relatively smooth mixture, then Grandma added that little by little to the flour, Selene mixing with her hands until they had a rough dough. 

She dribbled some oil onto the worktop, dumped out the bowl and began to knead the slop, gradually feeling it grow thicker and less gloopy, more springy. Damn this was hard work!

"Let me have a try, you youngsters don't know the meaning of hard work."

Selene stepped aside to let Grandma T take her turn, but within a minute the older lady was huffing as bad as Selene was. 

They tag teamed back and forth for a few minutes but her fingers were cramping and she was sure that she had inhaled so much flour she'd be sneezing bread rolls.  She went to wipe her forehead but her hands were so greasy with the oil she gave in. She didn't want to resort to cheating, but needs must. 

She whispered a little chant under her breath when Grandma made her excuses to go to the bathroom and watched as the dough kneaded itself, plumping up and down and flipping itself over as she washed her hands and settled down with a can of cherry coke. The dough flopped itself back into its bowl after a few more minutes and she covered it over and placed it on the windowsill to rise for an hour.  

And she promptly forgot about it, wandering off with Grandma to catch up on "The bold and the beautiful" a TV show that Grandma watched religiously and that had become Selene's guilty pleasure whenever she was on the island. 

Upon returning to the kitchen after learning that Chico was Marion's secret son and that Charlie's amnesia was fake, they found the bowl overflowing and the dough creeping its way towards the floor.

"Stupid magic kneading!" Selene dived at the dough, nudging Armstrong out for the way just as he tried to bat at it with his paw. "No! Bad cat. Leave it!" 

She cradled it in her arms like it was a baby, a big, messy, yeasty baby that was determined to get the fuck out of dodge. She balanced on one leg as she tried to hold it up with her knee, kneeing it like she was playing keepy uppy with a football. 

"Grandma, get a bowl! A big one!" She gave it a big push upwards as Grandma shoved a huge bowl under it, catching the evil, still growing blob. 

"What's wrong with it?" Grandma asked as she poked at it with her finger, diving back when it looked like it would consume her whole hand. 

"Nothings wrong with it, I'm sure it'll be fine."

Against her better judgement, and Selene wasn't known to be entirely sane at the best of times, she grabbed the biggest saucepan they had and filled it with oil, setting it on the stove to boil. Should only take a few minutes....  

She watched as the oil began to bubble and smoke,  knowing it was about as hot as it would get. Witches didn't like boiling oil, call her silly but that had always been something to avoid in the olden days, which was probably why she had taken the few minutes to kit herself out in a huge apron, Scott's spare bike helmet and a pair of Virgil's thick work gloves. Couldn't be too careful. 

She dug her hands into the dough, hitting it with her elbow when it looked like it might try to be the one to eat her before they cooked it. "No! Down! Bad dough!" 

She was sure it would be fine once it was cooked,  witches made everything a bit more lively, the boys could attest to that.

"Watch out Grandma, don't get too close." 

She scooped out a handful and rolled it into a ball then holding it at arm's length, dropped it in the oil like it was a hand grenade. Boom, the oil jumped up to meet her and she stepped back with a squeak of shock. Not good. Nope nope so much nope. Not doing that again. 

"Oh don't worry, it always does that when I cook too," Grandma shrugged as she crossed to the fridge to get herself a drink. "Keep going, it'll be fine."

After rolling another ball, which she caught before it rolled off the counter and across the floor yelling  'cry freedom', she sourced a pair of BBQ tongs to hold it with and dropped it carefully in the oil. 

"That seemed to work," Grandma encouraged. "Keep doing that."

Ball after ball followed and her roll, grab and drop operation was going so well she completely forgot that the oil was actually cooking the damn things. 

"Uh…little too brown maybe…" she fished them out and dumped them into a bowl lined with kitchen towel. She poked them, were they OK? 

"They'll be fine with some powdered sugar on them," Grandma proclaimed wisely, although Selene wasn't too sure. "Do the rest, that's nowhere near enough to feed my boys."

Grandma supervised as Selene slowly worked her way through the dough mass, which seemed to have lost its determination now she had effectively scooped half of it away, though it was still making a strange wheezing noise as it attempted to grow some more. She'd soon put a stop to that! She quickly rolled and tossed more balls into the oil, having perfected her drop and duck technique.  Paranoid that she'd burn the next lot she got them out earlier...Perhaps a little too early, as they stuck to her tongs as she slapped them into the bowl. 

"Damn it."

"Jelly will fix them, " Grandma nodded sagely, "Jelly fixes everything."

Selene threw the last of the balls, now looking slightly less ball like and more like lumps of dough that she was too fucked off with to fix, and began to search the cupboards for something to insert the jam inside the balls. 

She located a turkey baster that Parker had insisted they needed to cook a decent Christmas dinner, and that Alan had secretly been using to squirt the Gordon with. Selene had filled it with whisky that one time and used it to fire at Scott from opposite ends of the couch in an attempt to reach each others mouths. She grinned at the memory.

As if reading her mind- maybe she was a witch too- Grandma vanished and reappeared with half a bottle of cooking sherry. 

"Would you like a little taste? I find it helps me relax sometimes when I'm cooking, you're too tense."

Well, that might explain a few of Grandma's more adventurous dishes. 

Selene looked at the bottle, she could actually do with a little of that right now. She held out her coke can and Grandma poured a healthy splash into the remains of her coke.

"Don't tell John," Selene warned as she gulped down some of the drink for strength as she faced the fried dough balls she was supposed to fix. 

She grabbed a pot of smooth jam out of the cupboard and sucked some up into the baster -not that easy to do it turned out- and holding one of the cooked balls she stabbed it with the end of the rubber syringe. It went right through.  

"Shit!" 

She tried again, splitting another one. 

"Fuck!" 

"Language, Selene!" 

"Sorry, Grandma."

"Let me try," Sally managed to get the tip in one and squirted a generous amount into the donut. But didn't count on the force of her squeezing making the donut shoot off the end and fly across the room to smack Armie in the eye.

"Fuck!" 

"Grandma!" Selene was shocked, but had the terrible urge to giggle. 

Sorry," Grandma apologised, both to Selene and the cat, trying again.

                                    ***

The bowl was a jammy,  powdered sugar covered, slightly oily mess and Selene was on her third can of sherry and coke and honestly, she no longer really gave a shit. 

Who's stupid idea had this been? It was the thought that counted right? 

Grandma had given up over an hour ago and gone to bed, knowing the boys would be heading home soon and Selene desperately needed a shower. She had jam in her hair, sugar sticking to her hands and she'd lost the will to live. 

She plonked the bowl in the middle of the kitchen counter. 

"Sexy spaceman of mine," she texted, "sorry they look like shit…yeah, can't really explain what happened there…but I'll be naked in bed if that helps." She snapped a picture to go with it and called it good, promising to clean up in the morning. 

And she wound her way on slightly unsteady feet,  up the stairs and into the bathroom to shower off the remains of her one and only attempt to cook something you could buy easier,  promising herself a trip to Krispy Kreme in the very near future, and flopped on the bed wrapped in nothing but a towel. 

                                       ***

"John?" Gordon stared at the text that had popped up on all their comms less than 30 seconds ago. 

"I don't even know."

Their brother's long suffering, defeated tone just made the whole thing even funnier. 

"Think you had better get down here, bro," Virgil chuckled. "We'll be home in five."

"Yeah, that's probably wise," Scott added. 

Even EOS seemed to find the whole situation amusing, which in itself was a little bit worrying, as John rode the elevator down to the island. 

Alan and Gordon were staring at the bowl as if it might explode any minute. John spotted the empty sherry bottle in the sink and sighed. 

"Grandma got the sherry out." 

"That's not good," Scott agreed as he too entered the war zone, formerly known as the kitchen, his eyes taking in the precariously piled bowls, the flour that coated every surface, the oil patch that Alan almost slipped in and the grease splattered stove top, the pan of oil sitting abandoned. His bike helmet was on one of the stools and one of Virgil's gloves peeked out from the bottom bowl of the stack, though it was so covered in dough you could barely tell what it was. 

Virgil brought up the rear, his nose wrinkling at the slightly smokey, oily smell that hung in the air. 

"Dare you to eat one," Gordon nudged Alan. 

"Hell no! John should, it's his girlfriend that made them."

"Fiancée," John automatically corrected, poking gingerly at the contents of the bowl. "And no, I don't think so."

"Scott, you're the brave one, you like to take a risk now and then, you do it."

"Like the rescue wasn't risky enough? No way. Virg, you try, it's like modern art, appreciate it."

"Nope, I like my taste buds where they are, Gordo, you do it, it was your idea."

Gordon paled as he looked into the bowl. "All of us?" he asked hopefully. 

The boys exchanged glances and then one by one they all reached into the bowl, their competitive streak unable to resist, selecting the least offensive looking offerings. 

"On three?" Scott confirmed. "One…two…three!"

As one they all tossed their donuts into their mouths, chewing madly, their faces contorting into identical grimaces of horror and disgust. 

Alan raced to the trash can, opening his mouth to let the offending evil drop out of his mouth. 

"Urghh, it was raw inside," he shuddered. 

Gordon followed suit, spitting his out. "Mines burnt."

Virgil managed to swallow his. "Mine was all sugar which pretty much hid everything."

Scott had a dribble of jelly running down his chin to drip onto his uniform, his mouth hanging open as if he didn't dare close it again. Virgil handed him a paper towel and he grateful spat out the offensive food.

"My God, that was foul."

They all looked at John, who was still chewing his dough ball, now matter how much he worked it, it never got any smaller. In the end he too gave up and spat it into the trash. "It was like trying to eat a rubber ball."

Virgil tossed the remains into the trash to spare Kayo and Brains the same horror. "At least they tried."

Too tired to actually be bothered with real food, Scott handed round some bowls and Virgil grabbed a box of cereal and some milk.

They all ate quickly, eating in companionable silence, standing up, leaning against various cupboards and furniture, knowing if they sat down they would likely never get up again.

"Damn!" John moved suddenly, breaking the silence of the room, dumping his half eaten cereal in the sink.

"What's wrong?" Scott frowned, instantly worried.

"I just remembered the rest of her message," he was already running towards the stairs, "I've got a naked woman waiting for me."

Alan shuddered, gagging on his mouthful of cereal. "I did not need to know that."

[leelee10898]

Fast cars & Freedom: Body say (9/?)

Ellie and Luca spend the day with Colt and friends. Will they be able to get along with the pending divorce? Catch up HERE

Raiting: Mature. This chapter contains NSFW content.

Pairngs: Logan x Ellie, Colt x Ellie

Song inspiration:

Ellie darted across the Dormitory parking lot. he feet sloshing through the large puddles, body frozen from the cold East coast rain. She mentally reprimanded herself for committing to a school where it gets so cold. She pulled her rain soaked clothes off,immediately upon entering the warmth of her Dorm. She put on her trusty Langston sweat shirt on and a pair of leggings as she sat indian style on her bed.  She pulled the cardboard box from the bag and ripped it open, tearing the foil wrapper as the plastic stick landed in her open palm. How did she end up here? In this mess?

She had been in school a few months, constantly tired, nauseous, she chalked it up to stress and nerves. It wasn't until her jeans wouldn't button, and the increased appetite did she realize she was late, very late. She took a deep breath, walking into the bathroom. A few minutes later she sat the test on the sink, forcing herself to look at anything but the slim piece of plastic.

Ellie paced the floor, it was the longest five minutes of her life. She was a smart girl, straight As, Valedictorian. Her common sense went out with window when it came to not one, but 2 bad boys. The phones timer went off, with shaking hands she reached for the test, flipping it over.

Two pink lines.

****

“Ellie? Earth to Ellie!”

“Hmm, what?” She perked up. “I was saying,  I have Darnell’s number, you'll need to call his office and set up and appointment. Jesus,  where were you?” Riya stared at her best friend. “I'm sorry Ri. My mind was elsewhere.” she sat up, trying to give her full attention.  “Yeah, no shit. Whats on your mind El? You've been lost in thought a lot lately.”

“I was just thinking about the past, about the what if’s.” Riya rubbed her temples, this was the same song and dance she had been going over with Ellie for the past 5 years. Ever since Luca was born, she started with the what ifs.

“What have I told you about the past?”

“That its the past and there is nothing I can do to change it.” Ellie sighed. “Very good. But what you can do is focus on the future.  Soon you'll know who Lucas father is, and you'll have that closure.” She squeezed her hand. “speaking of closure. Have you told Colt you filed?”

“Yeah. I um called him the other day and told him.” she filled Riya in in the conversation she had with colt, how he wasn't happy about her filing and asked her to reconsider. She and Luca were headed to Colts house the next day for a bbq and she hoped it wouldn't be awkward.

The next morning she woke up to Luca in her face, overly excited for their trip to Colts. Ellie got up and went through the motions of getting ready and also packed up. Colt gave her instructions to bring a bathing suit for them both, and a change of clothes as well as Pajamas incase they decided to stay over if Luca got tired. She chuckled to herself at the memory of their conversation.  She had been doing this far longer, yet here he was telling her what to pack.

Ellie loaded Luca into the car and put the address into the GPS. She had recently bought a new car, Toby cried when he seen it. He was upset she did not take him with her and called it a grandma car. Her mind wandered, wondering what Colts home would look like. She had been to Logas house, it was beautiful,  big, not something she would have picked herself, but it suited Logan well. When she thought of where colt would live, she could only picture the old garage. The small, Dimly lit living quarters off to the side with 2 small bedrooms.

She turned off the road, to where the GPS told her to.  Her eyes widening at the sight in front of her. It was a modest blue,beach front cottage with a large wrap around porch. This was definitely not the garage. She got out of the car, unhooking Luca from her car seat when she looked up to see colt standing shirtless at the top of the stairs. “Cooooolt.” luca went running into his arms. “Hey squirt,  you ready to have some fun?” Luca shook her head enthusiastically “Ahhh heck yeah I am.”

“Luca! Watch the language.” Colt chuckled shaking her head. “Go on in and see uncle Toby. He's been driving me crazy for you to get here.” Colt walked down to the car helping Ellie with the bags she had.

“You didn't tell me you lived at the beach.” She eyed him. “Yeah part time. You like?”

“Well the outside is beautiful, I haven't seen the inside yet.” He gave her a smirk motioning inside.  The inside was just as nice, the walls were painted in earth tones, a nice nautical theme decorating the walls and tables. She didn't see it being the work of colt, clearly a female decorated, maybe an ex girlfriend?

He showed her around, three bedrooms, 2 bath. a nice kitchen, living room and dining area. She felt a bit jealous, she always wanted to live at the beach, or even just have a beach house to disappear to every so often. “Gangs all here. Toby, X, Mona. Want a drink?” He asked. She nodded “I'll have a glass of moscato if you have it.” Colt walked into the kitchen returning a minute later, glass in hand. “I asked Ximena to find out your favorite.” The gesture making her smile.

They walked out onto the back deck, Ellie hugging everyone her eyes settled on a woman, with long brown hair she had never seen before. Colt placed his hand on the small of her back, walking her over to the mystery woman. “Ellie, I would like you to meet my mom Darcy,” He looked at his mother “Mom, this is Ellie.” Suddenly Ellie felt very awkward, she tried her best to steal her nerves and extended her hand. “Hello, it's nice to meet you.”

“Oh honey no, I don't shake hands.” She stood up pulling Ellie into a hug. “It's nice to finally meet the elusive Ellie. If it wasn't for the few pictures he would stare at for hours, I would have thought you were fake.” “Mom.” Comt gave her a pleading look. “Pictures?” Ellie arched her brow at him, she made a mental note to visit the subject again later. “Ooook, I think Mona is looking for you.” Colt interrupted.

The afternoon went by, they ate and reminisced about the days of the MPC, Darcy sharing some stories of her time there, at least the ones she didn't mind Colt hearing. She had moved past that life long ago, but something in her eyes told Ellie something was unsettled there.

Colt and toby took Luca down to the shore line, letting her play. Ellie sat at the table watching them. The way Colt took to Luca warmed her heart. “Mind if I join you?” She looked up seeing cindy “Sure.” She answered, quickly bringing her focus back to the sight in front of her.  “Luca is a gem, such a beautiful little girl and a lot of sass. She reminds me of Colt when he was a kid.” Ellie turned to face her “Oh yeah?”

“Mmhmm, he was a smart ass from the time he learned to talk. Sharp as a tack too.” She chuckled. Ellie looked back towards the ocean, Colt shooting her a wink that made her momentarily.

“I can see what my son sees in you. Your sweet, kind hearted, intelligent, not to mention cute as a button.” Ellie blushed again “Ah thanks.” “You remind me A Lot of myself when I was younger.” Ellie turned her body towards Darcy, sensing she had more she wanted to say.  “You were smart to get out of that life, make something of yourself. You were smart to file for divorce.” Ellie's eyes widened “Really? You're happy about the divorce?”

She took a long swig of wine, sitting the glass down on the table.  “I love my son. He's always been drawn to the life of the crew, he's got a lot of Teppei in him. Sure he's on the straight and narrow now, but that can all change in an instant.  For the Kaneko's, that life runs deep.”

Ellie couldn't answer, she had no words. Darcy reached out grabbing her hand “I can tell you still Love him, its written all over your face. End it while you can.”

“Well, it's time for me to hit the road. Think about what I said.” Ellie nodded her head as she watched Darcy make her way down to the beach to say goodbye to Colt. She sat there dumbfounded, but Darcy's words replaying in her head End it while you can. One thing she was sure of was the fact she needed A Lot more wine.

They enjoyed the rest of the afternoon hanging out and talking. Ellie sat at the outside table on colts deck. Talking with Ximena, Toby and Mona. They had gotten on the subject of parenting, and how her life has changed since becoming a mother.

“I have never been away from her for a whole night before. I've come home late, and she's been in bed. But she has always been there.”

“Oh sweetie. You need a night for you. Where you don't have to be Mom, and can just be Ellie.” ximena said.  Colt stood against the railing watching Luca play in the sand, but listening to the conversation going on around him.

“I haven't had that in almost 6 years. I wouldn't know how to even act.” Ellie shook her head with a smile.

“Hey why don't Toby and I take her for the night.” Ximena grinned. Ellie hesitated “oh! I don't know.”

“Oh come on Ellie belly. It'll be great. Oh we can make a pillow fort, and watch minions, and make popcorn.” Toby squealed with excitement.

“Its Toby and X, El. You know damn well they would never let anything happen to Luca.” She looked between them, of course colt was right, toby and ximena were protective of her, and took to Luca as if they were her aunt and uncle. “Ok. Fine.”  she sighed.

“yes!” Toby jumped up running to the top of the steps. “you hear that Lulu, you're having a sleepover at Aunt X and uncle tobys house tonight!”  Luca came screaming, “Really? Alright! Yes! Thank you mommy!”

“Don't thank me, thank your Da-. Colt. Thank colt.” she silently prayed he didn't hear it, She didn't mean to say that, she had no idea if he was or not. But all of Colts certainty was affecting her thought process.  Luca ran over throwing her arms around him. “Thank you Colt, thank you so much.” He softened right away, wrapping his arms around her, she could make out a faint glistening in his eyes.

Ellie could feel the stinging in her eyes, it had been the first real bit of raw emotion she had witnessed between either him or Logan with Luca. She didn't expect it to effect her that  much. “Excuse me. I have to go, check something.” she tried to even her voice, but she knew he would pick up on it. She walked into the house, making her way towards the bathroom. “Hey, El. What's the matter.” the tears were already spilling from her eyes now. “No. Nothing. Im fine. Really.”

He touched her shoulder, turning her around. “Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” she half laughed “You did everything right. It just got me a little emotional that's all.” Colt knew what she was talking about,  it hit him in the feels as well.

“She. She really hugged me. Like a real hug Ellie. I don't, I don't know how to explain it.” He couldn't wipe the smile off his face. It was in that moment he knew, no matter what those test results said, he would protect that little girl with his life. Luca was the brightest star in his sky. and ellie was his Sun and his moon.

A short time later Ellie and Colt stood at the front door waving goodbye to Luca. Colt going back Inside to start cleaning up once the car was out of view, Ellie following a moment later. She jumped in the kitchen starting to wash dishes. “You don't have to do that, I can get those.” Colt insisted but Ellie waved him off.

He put the food away, and started cleaning other areas of the kitchen.  “So what are you going to do on your night off?” he questioned as he wiped down the countertops. “I don't know honestly, maybe take a bubble bath, watch some tv.” she shrugged as she finished up the dishes. Her phone pinged from across the room “on second thought,  maybe not.” She frowned. “What's wrong?”

“That was my dad, Sally is staying over. Maybe I'll just get a room for the night.”

Colt walked over handing her a glass of wine “You can stay here, don't argue. I have a guest room. Now take your ass out on the deck and relax.” He nudged her outside as he finished cleaning up.

Ellie stood against the railing, feeling the warm sea breeze against her skin. She closed her eyes letting the sound of the waves breaking against the earth calm her. She wasn't sure if it was her moments nirvana or the wine but she felt more relaxed then she had in a long time. Colt stood against the doorframe taking her in, this was something he could get used to, something he wanted more then anything he just had to change her mind, show her that they belonged together.  

Ellie noticed Colt standing there out of the corner of her eye. “It's a beautiful view.” she spoke, back turned to him.  “Yeah, it is.” He spoke never taking his eyes off of her. He walked over joining her against the railing. “I text X to check on Luca. She's watching a movie with toby in their pillow fort.” He chuckled. “I'm glad she's having fun. Thanks for checking on her Colt, you really have no idea how much I appreciate how accepting you guys have been of her.”

“Hey, you don't have to thank me El. I love that little girl no matter what.”

Ellie leaned up, placing a soft kiss on his lips taking them both by surprise. She pulled back their eyes locked, each searching the other for any sign. Colt made the next move, his lips back on hers this time with more force, he kissed her like his life depended on it, a hunger rising within him that he suppressed for to long.  Ellies fingers tangled in his black locks, deepening the kiss a soft moan escaping her.

Colt reached down grabbing her by the back of her thighs and lifting her up, she wrapped her legs around him as he walked her into the house. He pushed her up against the wall his lips fixed on her neck. Her head was spinning, she hadn't been with anyone in a long time and the way his lips felt against her ignited a flame within her. With her legs still wrapped around him he pulled her sundress over her head, tossing it on the floor as he carried her to his room and laying her down on the bed. his hand reaching around unhooking her bra, tossing it across the room, lips crashing against hers as his hand gently kneaded her breast.

She knew in the back of her mind this wasn't a good idea, but the need to be touched, to feel the pleasure was overpowering. She reached up yanking his shirt off, her fingers caressing the ripples of his muscular chest. His breath hitching in his throat as she reached down palming his stiff length.  His lips trailed down her neck, his lips leaving a trail of fire in their wake. His tongue swirled each of her pink buds, giving each attention before making his way down her stomach to her hips. Ellies breathing picked up in anticipation as to what she so badly wanted, needed to happen next. His dark eyes met her lust blown ones as telling him all he needed to know, he hooked his fingers in her lace panties and slowly slid them down her legs.

He settled between her legs, slowly slid his fingers between her slick folds, moaning in Appreciation at just how soaked she was for him. The rumble of his voice and the feeling of his breath against her skin making the anticipation un bearable. Her mind told her no, to stop before it went any further, but her body said differently. She needed it, she wanted to feel his mouth on her, to feel his calloused hands all over her. “c colt, please.” She whimpered, trying to push herself closer to him, begging for him to end her misery. A smirk spread across his lips as he placed open mouth kisses against her sensitive skin.

He jutted his tongue swirling against her bundle of nerves. She let out a loud moan at the sensation, as he skillfully worked his  against her clit, watching her chest rise and fall with hooded eyes as she neared her climax. He slowly slid two fingers into her, pumping them in and out, watching her come apart under his touch.  She threaded her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer, her legs began to shake as she cried out his name,he quickly pulled out his fingers, replacing them with his tongue as she came, him taking everything she gave.

Ellie laid there trying to catch her breath. It was everything she needed yet not enough,  she needed more, she needed him. “Colt. Please.” she panted. He stood wiping his mouth, he knew what she wanted, he wanted it to, but he wanted to hear her say it, no he needed her to say it.  “What do you want Eliana. Tell me what you need.” His voice deep and sexy, it made her body ache, and hearing him say her name turned her on even more. “I want you Colt. I need to feel you inside of me.”

I0n one fluid motion he stripped his shorts and underwear down, joining her on the bed. His mouth claiming hers as he settled on top of her. He reached between her thighs pumping his thick long length, teasing her with the tip. “Colt. Please.” she begged. He sunk into her slowly with a low groan resting his head in her forehead. She felt amazing, maybe even better then he remembered.  Ellie sucked in a sharp breath as he stretched her in ways she dreamed about for 6 years.

He began to rock into her starting off slow, allowing her body to relax. His lips softly sucking on the spot of her neck that he knew drove her crazy. He began to pick up the pace, the need to hear her scream his name, to make her come undone becoming to great. He settled on his knees pulling her legs up lifting  her slightly off the bed as she wrapped them around him allowing deeper access. “F. F fuck colt, yes.” she moaned as he bucked wildly against her, he lifted her up their bodies pressed against each other as she matched his thrust. He could feel her walls flutter around him, she was close and he wanted to blow her mind.

His fingers slipped down between her legs as he rubbed tight circles against her still sensitive clit. She buried her head into his shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly around him nails digging crescents into his back as her body began to shake. “Let me hear you Ellie. Let go, I got you.” He moaned into her ear “Oh Colt, yes. Don't stop. Don't stop.”

His name flew off her lips like a matera as the coil snapped, her body shook as she gave into an intense orgasm, her juices flooding his cock. The sensation to much to bare, he pumped hard twice before giving into his own release with a loud grunt. They collapsed into a sweaty heap onto the bed.  

They laid their entwined with each other, neither wanting to move, both in fear that if they did they would lose the moment forever. Ellie knew she shouldn't have given into temptation, but at least this way they got a proper goodbye. “Colt.” she broke the silence, “this doesn't change anything. We can't-”

“Just let us have tonight Ellie.” He cut her off, knowing this wasn't going to change her mind. “Tonight.” She whispered as her lips found his again.

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[lilbit-of-kizzy]

This is the one executive dysfunction thing I'm actually good at so see if what I do helps you!

So I do intermittent fasting (2 meals a day instead of 3....I mean I was forcing myself to eat 3 soooo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ hell I've lost 20 lbs in 3 years so I'm happy with it...annnnyways) which means I eat one meal with my family and then my little 3rd shift meal a couple hours before bed. Yeah if I'm distracted it's gonna be late but I try to eat it anyways so I don't wake up so hungry I can't stand.

I've found several things that I don't have to actually make but are super good/filling (though maybe not super healthy) such as:

Mrs T's Pierogis: holy shit these things are good, they're uncooked and frozen and you're technically supposed to fry them in oil (god no) or oven bake them (takes so long????) But I just pop them in the air fryer (adhd/any few spoon people out there please buy one) for 8 mins flip them half way through and boom. Hot, potato-y, garlic/cheesy, filling, comfort food. They come in like 3 or 4 different flavors and really don't taste fake or anything. Super easy

Eggos: yep I just slather them in butter (usually just keep the wrapping on the stick of butter and rub it on) and go, BUT I have also discovered that vanilla yogurt on top tastes really good

Totinos: they now make assortment bags which are the bomb but like...carbs and protein + 2 (?) minutes in the microwave ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Uncrustables have these new bbq chicken things??? I've only found them once but they're good???? Like stupidly good for frozen precooked microwave things?????? If you gave me it and said "yeah that's microwaved" I would never believe you

Yogurt and cereal: don't at me it's freakin delicious

Microwaved pasta or rice: I bought a microwave pasta thing...does it work? Not really but I like my pasta al dente anyways, and really kinda hate the instant mac and cheese kraft makes. This one borders into "not worth it" territory though cause it can be a hassle to clean when the water boils over. But I love making minute rice in the microwave. Just add the rice/water and whatever else you want and set it for the time on the box (again stir halfway through)

Bacon: they make microwavable bacon y'all (black label is sooooo good but we've only ever found it at sam's/costco)

Then I have some things I'll actually cook that are also super easy to make such as:

Pasta: butter is my preferred type but cooking pasta has never been a big deal for me. I'll usually melt my butter, add some garlic stuff I got from the Renaissance Fair years ago, and some already microwaved bacon, then add my pasta and some salt *chef's kiss* But you can also just...add butter on top of pasta and melt and it's just as good. There's also mac and cheese but like...that makes way too much.

I also like to make teriyaki noodles, just spaghetti noodles plus soy, teriyaki, and molasses (in ascending quantities so less soy, more teriyaki, even more molasses but it's up to your tastes) stir, let simmer, repeat till noodles are brown.

And if I'm really in a "let's make something!" mood I'll make some chicken fried rice: 1 cup chicken broth (actually usually a cube....all hail the great chicken cube) till boiling, add 1 cup rice and immediately take off the heat and cover for 5 mins. Get one of those measuring cups that have the measurements all the way up and add 1tbs of soy, 1.5tbs of teriyaki, and 2tbs of molasses. Rice should be done so add like 1tbs of butter and the sauce mix, stir well then flatten out the rice and let it simmer (simmer not boil) for...idk like 30 secs and fold/stir, repeat until it's not saucey anymore and viola! Rice! You can add meat or whatever, just cook that during those 5 minutes and add it with the sauce. I usually just throw a handful of cashews in on my last stir!! (They can burn easy lol)

The cube and the handful of cashews help so much because I don't have to worry about chicken broth going bad, because "oh god how long has that been in there... actually not long....but what if it's bad....but I can't open a new one till I use that....god guess I'm just not making rice till that's growing something in it" is a problem and so is remembering to thaw meat.

Tl;dr: find something you like, that has some amount of protein to it. Now find a super easy way to enjoy it that tastes good, and find ways that work to loophole your ED. Whether that's making it fun (like my rice and my garlic stuff) or making it so easy you can zone out for minutes at a time and still end up with food.

welcome to Mealtimes With Executive Dysfunction, please have a look at our menu:

leftovers from the last time you had a Real Actual Meal (you lucky bastard)

leftovers from the last time you had a Real Actual Meal (you lucky bastard), except they aren’t actually there anymore because you ate them for lunch

staring into the fridge and whining

plain rice

tuna straight from the can

tuna ON TOP OF PLAIN RICE WHAAAAAAT *air horn noises*

something that’s probably gone bad a little but you don’t have the energy to care

something you actually like but you’re too tired to cook it properly

something you hate but it’s still slightly better than all the other options

canned soup

cheese???????

peanut??? butter?????????????

guilt about eating canned soup for the 6th time this week

oh thank god i have vegetables in the freezer 

the fresh vegetables you accidentally left to rot because preparing them was too much effort

the easiest & least appetizing of 5 ways you know how to cook eggs

12 different snack foods over a period of 5 hours

[engekihaikyuu]

Hey there!! Before I ask, I just want to say what an INCREDIBLE job you've been doing running this blog!! I'm so impressed with all the hard work you do! Keep it up!! ^_^ Now, on to my question! Were there any cool Akiteru moments?? Thank you so much in advance!!!

Full description under the Read More!

It’s hard to say that he had any “cool” moments when half of his scenes he’s sobbing in the middle of the stage crumpled up into a ball as Tsukki looks on in shock… 

They did the flashback scenes with Akiteru and Kei as a pre-recorded video that they played on the giant LED screen.  But even in the pre-recorded video they were 2D and edited to look kind of comic-book style.  I don’t know who they used for little Kei to be honest?  From some views where I sat it could’ve been Ryoutarou but photoshopped smaller and younger, but from another view I thought the child’s face almost looked like Kenta?  It could’ve just been some actual little kid for all I know.  

But the moment where Kei finds Akiteru in the cheering stands and not in the Karasuno line-up that moment is always acted out on the stage, not pre-recorded or projected.  It always has Akiteru slowly crumpling to the ground and starting to sob, and Tsukki turns in a daze.  

They play it out a few different times.  One time it has just Akiteru sobbing on the floor and there’s a recorded voiceover of Kei going, “You lied?” over and over again.  And another time it’s played out in more detail since it has Yamaguchi in the flashback too with Kei inviting him to go see Akiteru’s match and then Yamaguchi trying to pull Kei away so that he doesn’t see that Akiteru’s not playing.  In that one, while Akiteru is slowly falling to the floor and sobbing, the rest of Karasuno comes out in grey sweatshirts (they’re doing that Greek chorus bit) and they start circling Kei and Tadashi and chanting at them.  

Chorus: He lied.Tsukki: No, he wouldn’t.Chorus: But he did.  He lied.Tsukki: He would never!Chorus: HE LIED!!! 

They circle faster and faster and start chanting louder and louder and it really overwhelms Kei.  Engeki really played up the trauma of that moment, I think.  

Akiteru ends up at the training camp because Saeko was looking into whether or not Kei had an older brother, and she basically dragged him along.  He does come initially in disguise (face mask, sunglasses, cap), and tries to keep himself hidden, but he blows his own cover.  

During the Fukurodani practice match, when Kei pulls off a really good block, Akiteru goes screaming to meet him on the stage and is like, “KEEEIIII!!!  THAT WAS AMAZING!!!”

And Tsukki’s like… “….what are you doing here?!”

Akiteru goes panicking off to the side of the stage and screams that Saeko brought him along and before everyone can start asking questions, Kei claps and insists everyone return to the match and focus up.  

One thing I also really enjoyed was seeing Akiteru be not just a big brother to Kei, but also to Yamaguchi.  He was happy to see Yamaguchi playing for Karasuno, and I remember them interacting during the BBQ during one of the plays I saw.   And after his cover is blown, he totally just embraces being that embarrassing older brother who cheers Kei on for the match.  It helps that Saeko brought a cheering fan for him.  It has Kei’s name on it and it’s decorated with hearts and stuff, and she has one for herself to cheer on Ryuu.  ADORABLE OLDER SIBLINGS!!!

Akiteru and Kei get a longer moment during the BBQ (amidst the other 5000 things that are happening) where they sort of essentially make up for everything.  

Obviously that’s been pushed up way early from animanga, but the nature of being a play forced their hand here.  Any major conflicts you introduce in the middle of a play really do need to be resolved by the end or it makes for a slightly unsatisfying 2-3 hours.  Especially when they decided to give those scenes the emotional weight that they did.  Aside from the Kagehina fight, Tsukki’s drama is the other major emotional pivot of the play.  They can’t really wait until what, the Shiratorizawa match?  Which would be probably 3 plays from now… meaning a year and a half from now… to try and resolve that.  Plus they went through the trouble of hiring an actor and needing to fill his schedule for 4 months, so why not give him a little more to do on-stage to make his time worthwhile?  

[terselylove]

Depression...

My experience of dealing with social anxiety is a feeling of overwhelming fear when interacting with individuals I wasn’t comfortable with. I was unable to look people in the eye when speaking to them, and struggled to keep a conversation going. I came off as both extremely quiet and shy, as well as rude, which anyone who knows me well knows I am the opposite of.

During this period of my life my self-confidence was at an all-time low, and I felt disgusted every time I looked in the mirror. I stayed away from people as much as I could, and felt I made an embarrassment of myself whenever I went out in public. I constantly had a voice in my head saying “Why would anyone want to be friends with you? You are ugly and pathetic.”...

I love summer. Lighter evenings, longer days, warmer weather, summer dresses, perhaps even some sun if we’re lucky. Generally speaking, as seems to be common with most people I speak to –  when the sun is out, I’m in a better mood. However, as someone who also experiences periods of depression, I’ve found that this isn’t generally the case when it comes to my mental health.I’m fortunate that I’m currently in a much better place at the moment but, when I think back to a few years ago, I found the summer months to be an immense struggle.When the clocks sprung forward, it all felt a little bit daunting. The things I’d usually look forward to about the change in seasons now served as reminders that I really wasn’t ok.The lighter evenings and longer days meant more time counting down the hours until it was dark enough to go to sleep. The warmer weather meant more plans to cancel and, as a result, more excuses to make up. I couldn’t even muster up the enthusiasm to decide what to wear each day – something which would ordinarily bring me a lot of enjoyment – and so the summer dresses stayed at the back of my wardrobe.Perhaps depression is a little easier to understand in the winter. It’s dark, it’s cold, most people are spending evenings at home not really doing much. If I was having a particularly bad day / week / month, it didn't feel so wrong to get home from work, change into my pyjamas and just go to bed.Yet when summer rolled around, it seemed as though everyone was out and about having the ‘best time ever’. 

And then there I was, struggling to get out of bed.For someone experiencing depression, it can be difficult to watch those around you enjoying themselves. I'd mute group chats so as not to be met with the constant barrage of plans, I'd excuse myself from after-work drinks, and I'd invent reasons not to attend BBQs and family gatherings.“But it’s such a nice day…” people would say, “you should get out the house, it might cheer you up."Yes it was a nice day but, whilst their words were well-meaning, they simply weren't helpful. I already felt as though I was wasting my summer and I knew I should get out the house, but it just didn't seem possible. A nice walk on a sunny afternoon might do wonders if I'm just having an 'off day', but depression is so much more than that, and a sunny afternoon isn't a cure.Depression doesn't care about the weather, your weekend plans, or the birthday coming up that you'd do anything to be able to enjoy. It doesn't think to itself "summer is here, time for me to disappear for the next few months."

That isn't how it works.I'm in the fortunate position of having friends I could be honest with. Friends who would still keep inviting me to things 'in case I felt up to it' and didn't judge me when I stopped replying to messages for days or weeks on end. They'd suggest shorter periods of socialising that felt a lot less daunting, and remind me that they were still around if and when I felt up to going out.In more recent years, I've managed to enjoy my summers without the weight of depression casting a shadow over them to quite the same extent, and for that I'm incredibly thankful. I think my own experience has also made me more aware of how others might be feeling, and I'd encourage anyone who thinks a friend might be struggling to try to understand and have a little patience. 

Some people understand it, some think it’s an attention call. For me, depression is like that pile of laundry that you don’t want to show in your Instagram pictures. I never want to show my pile of laundry to the world, I want my life to seem happy and put together, as if I folded and put away all my laundry right out of the dryer.Ever since high school I have suffered with extreme depression and anxiety. I can defend the issue for hours and hours, however I get embarrassed when I feel sad. I get so embarrassed when I am sad and those around me do not understand and treat me as if I’m crazy.Typically most of my life I’ve always just been called dramatic when I’m upset. It has become one of my biggest triggers, because most of my life I haven't had that fight to defend it. I just, quite simply, let it eat at me.Depression can be the hardest when others just don’t understand you. I get sad for no reason so often that I’ve created safe spaces. In our current home, my safe place is my bathroom floor. Probably about at least three times a month you can find me locked in my bathroom on the floor, crying. The lock on that door is the only form of power I feel I have at that moment.

I see you.

I share this because it’s real, I share this because everyone has that pile of laundry.

I know everyone may not have depression, but everyone has something hard they’ve experienced, everyone has something to share and everyone has something to relate to.

Many times I have found myself on that bathroom floor contemplating life and how to make it past that very moment, will I? I have to say how thankful I am that I haven’t followed through. Life is so hard. Sprinkle on some depression, heck, dump it on - and life is now even more hard.Please don’t ask me how I can be so sad I could contemplate suicide. Because honestly I do not know, nor do most people in that situation. How did we make it to this moment? What did I do to deserve this sorrow?You never know who is hurting. Those who are, we often are the most resistant, waiting for a hand to be held out for us to grab onto as the pressure of our mental being closes in on us.Check up on those who are quiet, those who check up on you; maybe conversation is being sparked due to their need to communicate. Let’s talk about our hard times, it’s healing, not embarrassing.So, here’s my laundry pile. You’re not alone.

 Depression is not an emotion - it's an illness

Ah, mental health stigma surrounding depression. The worst that's been said to me in all these years having depression is:"Don't go and have a moment on me!""Don't quit your job. I know your job has been making you feel depressed but you're being stupid. You haven't tried hard enough.""Is that all your depressed about?""Stop being ungrateful and take your Great Aunt's advice!"

Please, stop.

This is not me being lazy, ungrateful or selfish. This is me dealing, sometimes suffering, with depression. This is my demon running its black toxins through my head, poisoning my thoughts and feelings.

Depression is not an emotion, it's an illness. A completely and utterly illogical illness. Just like with colds, for example, some colds can just be a little sniffle, sneeze, etc, while some colds can completely wipe you out and keep you bed-bound for x amount of time. Whether you have a mild cold or one from hell, you still have a valid cold. People with the strongest immune systems can still be affected by them.

From an outsider’s point of view, sure, they would be able to see the positive things going on in your life. However, when depression strikes, for me at least, it feels like a part of my brain has turned off the switch to be able to enjoy things. If it's really bad, I'm unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel with whatever I'm dealing with. I can also feel like a shell of a person sometimes. It's as if my brain has temporarily sucked up my personality and misplaced it somewhere else. I'm there but not there at the same time.

I don't choose to do this, depression is basically trying to tie me down in a chair at the cinema, forcing me to watch its fake "reality" tale about how my life will always be rubbish, dark, etc and how I'm worthless. Sometimes I can fight it off, but other times it can catch me off guard and I believe it for a while. Depression, by the way, is one hell of a liar.

The best way I can describe the switch being turned off is while you can see the beautiful colours of the world, I only see black, grey and white. My favourite meal in front of me is suddenly tasteless mush. My favourite TV show/YouTube channel is changed to, what feels like, a very boring presentation about something I've never been remotely interested in. Going out with loved ones can feel like everyone is spinning around me in fast motion while I'm sitting there in slow.

Depression is one of the worst things I have ever experienced, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thankfully over the last 9 years I've learned to differentiate my depression thoughts from my healthy thoughts. I know my depression is just trying to make me watch a fake tale about me and my life, like how I described earlier, but I know I can beat it each and every time it knocks me. Depression might be strong but I'm much, much stronger.

Please do not judge other people's struggles and do listen to what they have to say. Their mountain may be a molehill to you, but everyone is different and everyone’s feelings are valid. Please, please always remember that.

For a long while, I've been having issues with mental health. I remember asking my mum one day years ago if hearing and seeing things was normal and her response still sticks with me. "You're too young and don't know what REAL mental health problems are."

At the time I was incredibly depressed, anxious and scared of myself and what I might do. Whenever I tried to reach out and ask to see someone for help because I was seeing things, she always gave an excuse to dismiss what was going on, like I needed more sleep or I needed to "stay off that phone!". I just wish she might have listened a bit more, instead of brushing me off as lying, or getting angry and impatient with me. If she had been more supportive, I would have felt more capable of handling myself during my bad episodes. 

Considering that not even my own mother would believe me, I truly felt alone and thought that no one would listen to me and brush me off as liar or even a fake. It made it hard for me to reach out for help or take care of myself in the ways I needed.

Now that I'm in my later years of university and I'm in a relationship, I've had to be truthful to myself and acknowledge that I do have issues that need help with. It's taken me even longer to learn how to trust people, that people will reach out to help me if I ask for the help I dearly need. That I won't be told I'm too young or it's because I'm tired or because I'm on my phone too much before going to sleep.

It's taken me years to realize that I need help and that no one but me can choose whether or not what I'm dealing with is real. I don't need someone to compare their own experiences to mine and deem my cry for help as valid or not. But if I had a parent that believed me and took me to someplace where I could've gotten the help I needed, I think I would've been able to cope better with my conditions now.

Some people fail to realize that mental health doesn't discriminate against age and sadly for me it was the person I looked up to most that failed me.

I never know how to explain depression to someone. It’s so different for everyone and comes in so many different forms. Some people describe their depression as a weight that holds them down, ever-present and demanding of their time. Others describe it as a shadow that looms in the back of your mind, always taunting and jabbing and trying to tear you down. Some days, you just have thicker skin. And then sometimes, depression is described like drowning. It’s wading in an ocean of poison and barely catching your breath before you’re dragged back under. 

I don’t think people understand that depression is constant. Some days it doesn’t feel as heavy, it doesn't tug and pull as hard. And other days, it knocks you down before you can even get out of bed. 

I am always fighting this constant battle with myself. I may smile and laugh and seem happy, but know that, somewhere, in the back of my mind I'm struggling. The happy interludes, the in-between where the weight doesn’t feel as heavy, are simply vacations from the reality that is my depression.

It makes me feel like a failure, no matter my successes. I feel worthless and like I’m a burden on everyone around me.

My depression is a beast that lives inside me. It whispers horrible things in my ear, tells me that I am waste of space. And all the while, I have to smile and pretend I’m okay.

That life isn’t beating me, no way. I’m too stubborn for that. I have to pretend that there isn’t some rabid animal inside of me, clawing to get its grip around my throat and snuff out my life. 

People who don’t have depression don’t understand. But they can still be there for people like me. When they say something that scares you, don’t yell. Don’t get angry because you don’t comprehend how their mind works.

My mind is a scary place. I shouldn’t need to open up and spill my darkness for your compassion.  

Support people with depression, even if you don’t understand. Just be there. 

[jennymanrique]

Diary Of A Pandemic: The Caregivers

Nurses have carried the weight of 16 months of pandemic care in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. Photo by Shutterstock

In Texas, at least 10,500 people died in Nursing Homes and Assisted Living Facilities during the worst of the pandemic. Through it all, nurses have had to fight the virus twice as hard - on the job and among their families at home.

Through the worst days of the COVID-19 pandemic, many nurses in Texas assisted living facilities, hospitals and nursing homes were diligent in taking care of elderly residents and patients, even as their own relatives were battling the virus at home.

Yes, vaccinations have recently helped stem the unprecedented health crisis in these facilities, where Latinos are a significant portion of the frontline workers. But it will be some time before these essential workers can overcome the emotional toll of the experience.

Texas Health and Human Services Commission data shows that between April 2020 and April 2021, nearly 9,000 Texans died in nursing homes -- a rate of 175 per week. Another 1,550 died in assisted living facilities. These figures account for roughly one of every five COVID-19 deaths reported in Texas.

Nationwide, such centers have long reported problems. The Center for Health and Community at the University of California, San Francisco, found that in the last 20 years, nursing homes have had serious problems with patient care. Even before the virus, 75% had shortages in staffing registered nurses. And 63% were found with infection control violations.

“Nurses are part of high-risk (for COVID) minority groups due to lack of tests, face masks, gowns or personal protection equipment (PPE),” said Charlene Harrington, emeritus professor of nursing and sociology at UCSF and the study’s leader. “Since some receive low salaries and hold several jobs, they cannot stay home if they are sick.”

Experts recommend minimum staffing of one nursing assistant for every seven residents. Some facilities employed one nursing assistant for every 10 or even 15 residents during the pandemic, Harrington said. “This was emotionally hard for everyone as they couldn’t bring outside help.”

“Nurses are part of high-risk (for COVID) minority groups due to lack of tests, face masks, gowns or personal protection equipment. Since some receive low salaries and hold several jobs, they cannot stay home if they are sick.”

With the vaccine rollout, Texas lawmakers unanimously approved Senate Bill 25 to allow residents in nursing homes to add an "essential caregiver" -- anyone who can spend at least two hours a day with them in registered facilities.

The initiative followed recent Texas Health and Human Services Commission recommendations to expand visitation statewide in nursing facilities and other long-term care settings.

“The forced isolation was particularly hard on residents with dementia and their families,” said state Sen. Lois Kolkhorst, the bill’s author.

Groups like Texas Caregivers for Compromise pushed for the legislation and are now anxious to see it implemented. “The reopening is not optional,” said Mary Nichols, one of the group’s advocates. “While we should be cooperative as facilities get implementation of the guidelines in place, they should be able to give relatives some specifics about when they will comply.”

palabra. spoke with many Latinos on the front lines, in care facilities and COVID units, during the pandemic. While performing essential work, many were also caring for elderly relatives at home, helping them through COVID infections, quarantines, isolation and depression.

We’re highlighting here the personal accounts of a few who speak for many:

“I was afraid the virus would clot my blood or clog my lungs and I would die”

Rosario Passmore

Until three months ago I was working at the Windcrest Nursing & Rehabilitation Center in Fredericksburg, TX. It is a town where my neighbors are mostly Germans and Hispanics.

Before the pandemic, I worked an 8-hour shift taking care of up to 25 patients. Since I always worked in cardiovascular units or intensive care, I liked working with the elderly in adult daycare, mainly with those who had overcome heart attacks.

But with the arrival of COVID my shifts grew to 12 hours. I was assigned to the COVID unit and I could no longer move freely to other parts of the nursing home. I got a raise of $3 an hour, although, in other COVID units such as the ones in hospitals, nurses like me were paid double. But the admissions were closed at my facility and there was no money. There was room for 120 people, but we had only about 60.

There were many COVID-positive cases and those infected spent at least 10 days in isolation. They closed the entire nursing home. No one could come in. Family members who wanted to see patients did so from the windows. I often brought a tablet (computer) so they could chat with relatives. But when someone was dying there was no possibility of saying goodbye.

The elderly were very desperate. They missed the outside world. Sometimes we let them go for a walk for just half an hour.

At first, the relatives brought food packages and we waited 24 hours before touching or distributing them. But we stopped receiving things from outside for fear of risking a transmission.

Disposable surgical gowns, shoe covers, and N95 masks that we ordered … began to arrive around April. Everything had to be insulated. We looked like astronauts.

I had only one Latina patient who suffered from Alzheimer's and lived with great anxiety. She only found calm when walking in the garden. But when she had COVID, her activities came down to eat in the room and conversations on a tablet with her three children. I was the one helping them to connect. After a few days off, I returned and learned she was gone. Her relatives thanked me for being with her for so long, dressing her, and feeding her.

The Health Department made constant inspections and took weekly COVID tests. They were very annoying for my nose but I got used to it.

When I got home I would undress in a room furthest away from everyone, put my clothes in the washing machine, go in and out through the back door. I would eat in the kitchen.

I live with my 30-year-old son, the oldest of two, who graduated as an electrician in San Antonio. He eventually ended up taking care of me when I got infected. He would leave my food outside the bedroom door.

That was in December. Despite the strict mask policy, some nurse aides and drivers bringing supplies lowered their guard. They no longer kept their distances. A relative of one of them tested positive, and after three days I began to feel the symptoms.

I saw that COVID affected my patients’ lungs. So I kept quarantined but I did breathing exercises. I was afraid that, like it happened to other nurses, the virus would clot my blood or clog my lungs and I would die. COVID was tough: I didn’t want to eat. I still have back pain, a stomach ache that feels like an ulcer.

My brother passed away at that time. Although his test came back negative, he was diagnosed with pneumonia and treated with antibiotics and inhalants. After leaving the hospital, he went missing for two days and we found him dead. We are still waiting for the autopsy results to find out what happened.

A cousin in El Paso also got infected. He died four months ago, but my aunt never received his corpse. The funeral homes there were full, even up to a month ago.

My mother is 81 years old. She was born in Mexico, in Ciudad Juárez and lives in El Paso. She used to visit me for a month every year, but during the pandemic, her doctor would not allow her to come because I am a frontline worker.

I was offered a higher-paying job at a nursing home in Kerrville, Texas, where there are fewer patients and everyone is already vaccinated. There is still a COVID unit here and we are admitting people, but the elderly who come from hospitals are quarantined for 10 days or until they test negative.

I got the Johnson and Johnson shot but I am still wearing PPE.

In June, I'm going to Los Cabos, a trip that I had to cancel last year. I can't wait to spend more time with my family, having a BBQ or going out for a drink with my friends. We Latinos are all about family and hugs. I'm sick of this mask.

“Even though some residents tested positive, they were in denial”

Lupe Weaks

After 20 years of working in nursing homes, I recently decided to join a nursing travel agency. I learned there was a shortage of nurses in San Antonio, and moved there. Since then, I have been helping in the COVID unit of an assisted living facility. I grew up Catholic in a Latino family from Guadalajara, Mexico. My parents always told me: if there are people you can help, don't turn your back on them.

At the beginning of the pandemic, I was working at River Hills Health & Rehabilitation Center at Kerrville. It was a 12 hour shift, three days a week. Then I had four days to relax at home. The lockdown was strict, not allowing any visitors, and testing of all of our employees. The relatives of our residents constantly called late at night saying: “I tested negative, let me in.” There was a lot of explaining, but we were very cautious and held strictly to our rules.

Residents were allowed to watch TV. We encouraged them to learn more about COVID on official COVID sites online, to explain how serious it was, because some believed in conspiracy theories.

Even though some tested positive, they seemed to still be in denial. They suffered from depression and anxiety. They said: “I know I don't have it, I don’t have diarrhea. For keeping me here I am gonna get it.” We were constantly talking to families on the cellphone, explaining the need for quarantine. Connecting them on FaceTime with loved ones cheered them up a lot.

I told them: “Stay in your room, you are safe. Practice breathing, drink water, be grateful now until you are tested again.”

We needed to check the temperature, oxygen, and vital signs twice in a shift. We changed uniforms in an isolation room and threw away biohazard uniforms. I had 10 patients on my charge. They got tested once a week.

When the peak of the disease was more intense, I was covered head to toe. I wore my N95 super tight on my face, put on gloves, and wore the big paper suit hoodie (PPE). Some patients appeared to be afraid because they couldn’t recognize us.

We constantly wiped down everything with Lysol -- the doorknobs, the surfaces.

When I would get home from an overnight shift, I undressed right outside my door. Entered in panties and bra and put everything in the washer, and ran to the shower. This was all to protect my husband. I got tested twice a week.

I think the measures in both places I’ve worked were above and beyond. If someone showed signs of respiratory distress, I called 911 immediately and the patient was sent out to an ICU. When they were safe they came back here or went with their families. Some lost their lives because they had underlying conditions like high blood pressure or heart conditions.

I was vaccinated with Johnson & Johnson and so was my husband. Despite that, I am still regularly COVID tested. It doesn't matter, the care continues.

Now that visits are allowed again, we just received two visitors. But they can't stay in the same area. They must wear masks. And they can only see one family member at a time.

Some patients are allowed to walk out of their room, but not to visit other patients in other rooms.

Even though more people are now vaccinated, we will probably go one more year with the mask rules. We check for side effects of the vaccines and tell residents to drink a lot of fluids and if they have symptoms, they have to isolate themselves in their rooms again. So far, they complain about their muscles being sore, and that’s it.

As for my family, I lost my mom to a heart attack. She was from Guadalajara and my dad from San Diego, where I was born. My family lives in California, and nobody contracted COVID. I checked on them constantly and they told me the rate of infection was a lot higher because people from Tijuana come to work and travel back and forth. I just said to them: be careful, right now try not to travel and always wash your hands.

“It was devastating to see how one person dies after another. I had to seek therapy”

Fabiola Merlin

I have been a nurse for five years. During the pandemic, I was working at the University Medical Center in El Paso, the largest hospital in a 250-mile radius in the county. We admit people from El Paso, Ciudad Juárez, in Mexico, from New Mexico, and from around the entire state of Texas.

I was driving up from Juárez to work. At first, I was afraid of not being able to cross the border, but since I was an essential employee, I was allowed to cross daily. The entire hospital ended up being a COVID unit. In March, when everything exploded, nurses and doctors were very scared, always in fear of exposing ourselves and our families.

We did not know how to handle the situation. We lacked PPE. We did not have enough gowns, and the N95 masks were also insufficient. There was a cleaning process we came up with to reuse them five times. It was very uncomfortable because after cleaning the masks, they smelled pretty bad. When we started to receive N95 masks donations, things got better.

We brought in quite a few portable oxygen and BIPAP machines (to push air into the lungs). But we didn't know how to use them, so respiratory therapists had to come to teach us.

When patients lack oxygen they start to get confused because their lungs become too saturated and they need to be oriented. I had to tell them: this is what you need to be alive, if you take off your mask, you can die.

It was easy to become too close to them, getting to know their family through video calls. There is a close relationship with the patient when you see what COVID is doing to their bodies. It is strong and sad. One hopes that something good comes out of all the care you did, but it is not like that.

There was a Code Blue for emergency situations every minute, and it was out of control. The hospital had to order more black bags for the deceased. Several times, after I got home, all I could do was cry. I didn't know how to get that pain out. It was devastating to see one person die right after another. I had to seek therapy.

The unit I was working at had 29 rooms with single beds. But with the COVID wave, the hospital became saturated and we had to double the capacity.

My patients were between 30 and 80 years old, and mostly Hispanic. I think the risk factor in our community is that we have bad diets and bad habits are predominant. Young people have hypertension or chronic diabetes.

I am an only child. My dad passed away many years ago and my mom is 70. I avoided seeing her as much as possible, but I ran errands for her and left fruits and veggies at her door.

I spent so much time with my fellow nurses that it would have been irresponsible to actually visit my mom. I never saw her, and that was very difficult. As Hispanics, we are very tied to family.

I lived with my boyfriend, but in the first months of the pandemic, we began to sleep in separate rooms. I constantly disinfected the house, the doorknobs, and the shower.

Recently, on my days off, I worked registering vaccinated patients on the Texas official website. They were very organized at the beginning vaccinating health personnel, but the doses began to get scarce and many older adults with chronic diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, or immunological problems had to postpone their appointments.

My mom already received the second dose of AstraZeneca a month ago in Juarez, but they are very slow in Juarez covering all the elder population.

Now I work in another hospital and although our challenges continue, I think the biggest lesson I learned was to enjoy life. Being healthy is something I value a lot now.

“No one knows how difficult it is to care for a frail relative, much less if she is depressed.”

Vicky Morales

For eight years I have been seeing my family every Sunday for lunch or to play the lottery. But when COVID hit, my interaction with my parents was limited to running errands for them and seeing them sporadically, always wearing masks.

My father Espiridion, born in Mexico, in Nuevo Laredo, turned 84 and my mother Juanita, from Zacatecas, is 76. My father complained: “take off that mask, we want to see you. You are not going to get infected and you are not going to infect us.” We then decided we would just call them on the phone. They were suffering a lot of anxiety and depression.

A tumor was detected in one of my mother’s kidneys and she had surgery to remove it. I had to quarantine myself before going to take care of her for almost two months.

Her recovery was complex. But perhaps the most difficult thing was taking care of someone who had never had to ask for help with anything. My mom has always been very independent and strong. She always cooked for everyone and was always on the go. In recent years, her knees and heels hurt a lot from surgery on her foot, but except for taking a little more time to rest, she never needed our care.

My sister Irma and my brother Martin came from Fort Worth to visit mom in Laredo. We were in the second wave of COVID and because of New Years' celebrations, we anticipated more cases. Our family did not have dinners or anything. We were taking great care of ourselves. We don't know how, but at the beginning of the year, my mother tested positive.

My dad tested negative, fortunately, they had been sleeping in separate rooms. My dad would leave her food and things at the door, so not seeing anybody caused her even more depression.

At first, she could not breathe and they gave her infusions, but two days later her pressure rose a lot and I had to call 911. They sent some (emergency medical technicians) to check her and her heartbeat was out of control. I followed the ambulance to Laredo Medical Center, but it was very distressing. They didn't let me in.

They kept her there for about three days in intensive care because there were no more beds available in the COVID unit. She was alone in a room but when she left she was very upset because no one had come to see her.

When she was discharged, the nurse told her that she must feel very blessed: Of the seven people who came on the day she did, nobody else went home.

Of the six siblings in our family, I was the only one who could work remotely, so I moved to my parent’s house to take care of mom. Watching my parents lose their routines was very difficult. My dad would go out every morning to have coffee with his friends, run errands home or pay bills. My mom used to hang out at an adult health center where she liked to make coffee for others and play the lottery. With the shutdown, she lost that social life. On top of that, one of her friends died of COVID. That depressed her even more, enough so we had to medicate her. I think she recovered easier from kidney surgery than from COVID.

My 58-year-old brother, our only brother, was infected in winter, at the same time as my mother. He was hospitalized in Fort Worth for two months, and we were not allowed to see him either. The doctors told us to make rosaries because he had fibrosis in his lungs and they couldn't do more for him. But, miraculously, he recovered. He recently got out of the hospital. Finally, in spring, he was able to walk again.

My dad is a Korean War veteran and has received assistance from volunteers at food pantries during COVID. But other than that, I don't think any government agency did anything, even contact tracing, for them.

My father has already received the two doses of the vaccine, Moderna, and my mother just got the OK from her doctor to be vaccinated.

I think this strong experience, which has not ended, made me admire nurses more. No one knows how difficult it is to care for a frail relative, much less to deal with their depression, and much less in a pandemic.

Originally published here

[kazlifeadventures]

Texas!! Home of cowboys...

Part 1 - Dallas... 17-21 Sept

After a nerve racking connecting flight (my first flight was landing while the second was boarding...) I made it to Dallas, and amazingly so did my bag! Well done Delta, that's twice now!

Dallas curent weather reminds me of Brisbane in summer. About 30 degrees and humid. My wonderful friends live in the suburbs near the airport. I also get to play with their dogs while I'm here - awesome! Texas BBQ for dinner!

I also did some major trip planning on my first day here, having a space to be able to do that is fantastic.

Carol and Chuck, took Thursday off work to spend it out at nearby Fort Worth stockyards with me. It's one of the original cattle sale yards, situated on the intersection of some of the major longhorn cattle runs that ran East West and North South across America back in the mid 1800's. The main one was known as the Chisholm trail. Fort worth today is the 4th largest city in Texas, it's stockyards are a major tourist drawcard. The area houses, the largest honkytonk in America, multiple shops selling, cowboy gear, gifts, and of courseTexas bbq as well as a few bars. We headed to the Stockyard hotel, the oldest hotel on the site, for a cold beer, and to take in its quirky interior. Then after more wandering it was time for the live longhorn drive along the main street. It was amazing to see these huge creatures ambling up the road metres away from the crowd. Ambling is the word! All I could think of is if they did that speed 100 years ago it would have taken the stockmen forever to get them anywhere!

Dallas (And Texas) are proud of their cattle history, an art installation was installed in Pioneer park as a tribute to the pioneering cattlemen who ran herds through where parts of the city now stand. It, and the nearby confederate cemetery are major tourist stops for visitors to the city. It's larger than life and the detail in the sculptures is amazing.

Friday I spent visiting the other main attractions in Dallas. The 6th floor museum created not only as a tribute to JFK, and his history but as a way of detailing the investigations that occurred into his death. An intriguing and informative way to spend a few hours, in the building where the shooting occurred. A quick walk across the road then takes you to the 'grassy knoll' and the memorial, as well as the X on the roadway marking the location where the first shots hit their mark. Nearby is the Reunion tower, one of the city's most recognisable landmarks. Built in 1978, 171m tall with 360 degree observation deck, it is visible across the city. While not the tallest structure, the views are worth the trip up! After I'd wandered around Dallas, I then headed out to the George W Bush presidential library and museum. Located on the SMU campus, it was an real introduction for me to the breadth of American politics. Apparently all the ex presidents have their own library museum's dotted around the country. They are set up as a means of immortalising their time in the top job, and, in a way, keeping their own version of events out in the public. An interesting and worthwhile experience for me to take in! I also got to sit at the replica resolute desk in the replica oval office and hear the story of how the desk was given to the country, and it's history. I was also unaware that the way the eagle faced on the US seal had been changed in 1945 immediately after WWII. Then president, Truman, had the eagles head changed to face the olive branch symbolising America as a nation of peace.

All too soon I was off on a mad scramble to the airport on Saturday morning. All I can say is I think I was so relaxed my normal on top of it-ness failed and I got times wrong in my head! Thanks to calendar alarm, and bigger thanks to Chuck getting me to the airport in time (checked my bag about 3 mins before bag check closed then had over 20 min wait for security check, then had to catch train to other terminal...) seriously cut that one closer than I ever have!!! (Made last boarding about 10 mins before they shut the doors...)

Part 2, San Antonio...21 - 23 Sept

Anyway made it to San Antonio! It is hawt! Back to total hot and humid again... A major city in south-central Texas with a rich colonial heritage, some of the key points I've covered (apart from food...Mexican and Texas bbq are the bomb here)The Alamo, an 18th-century Spanish mission that is being preserved as a museum and marks an infamous 1836 battle for Texan independence from Mexico. This story I knew very little about, and the tiny church and grounds area didn't help me much! Asking questions did! The mission was originally founded by the Roman Catholics in the 18th Century as an education centre for the local American Indians who had converted to Christianity. It was then abandoned in 1793, to be used by the Mexican armed forces 10 years later. A bit of a to and fro of ownership ensued, with the Mexican army destroying large sections of the mission as they retreated after the battle for which the area is now known. It then took some time for it to be recognised for its historical significance and steps were taken to preserve it since 1906. It's a huge story with great significance to the people not just of Texas, but Nationwide. I now have a much greater understanding of the term "remember the Alamo!"

The other big tourist drawcards here is following the San Antonio River. Set 1 floor below street level, the River Walk is a landmark pedestrian promenade lined with cafes and shops. The river itself has some amazing and unique engineering installed to prevent a repeat of the 1921 flood that killed 50 people. Its degrees cooler down here on a hot day, and a lovely place to explore.

HemisFair Park’s 229m Tower of the Americas overlooks the city, and surprisingly your ticket allows you to come and go for the whole day until 11pm....nice one! Sunshine and night views! Originally built as part of the world's fair in 1968, although not the tallest structure in the city, the views are fantastic.

Texas, you go a'right, the people here are so friendly and helpful! Awesome place to visit! Had one last Mexican meal at the oldest river walk restaurant for lunch before I left... um yummm. Also they put paid to my singles get the worst table theory...check out my view!!

All too soon (again) I'm off to New Orleans today! Replete with checking my flight time about 50 times😂😂. I am getting real good at drinking black filter coffee too... but that's a whole other story!

More photos to come!!!

[leelee10898]

Fast cars & Freedom: Sit next to me (8/?) Part 1

Pairing: Logan x Ellie, Colt x Ellie

Summary: Logan and Ellie talk, the test is taken, and someone spills the beans.... literally.

Rating: Mature... sex.. yep...

A/N: So this will be a 2 parter, just way to much to get out in 1 post... enjoy!! If you would like added to the tag list, let me know.. catch up HERE

Song inspiration:

Ellie sat in her office, it was Wednesday and she still hadn't heard from Logan. “knock knock.” a voice came at her door. “Oh hi Mr mann- Eli.” she looked up to see her boss standing in the doorway. “Have you had any luck getting those statements from Mr Rider?” he walked in sitting in front of her desk.

The statements shit! She internally scolded herself. She had been so caught up in her personal life drama she let her work slip, that ended today. “I am meeting with Logan to get them.” A smile spread across Elias's face “Excellent. Keep up the good work.”

She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding in.  This standoff with Logan ended now. She picked up her phone and rattled off a text.

“I know you are pissed at me, but this is not a personal call. Unless you want to find a new Accountant, we need to meet TODAY.”

A few minutes later her phone vibrated, a response from Logan. “ 1pm. i'll send the address.” a few seconds later another text with an address came through. She looked at the clock. She had about half an hour until the meeting and with traffic and the distance she needed to go now. She switched on her out of office messages and took off to the location Logan sent her.

She pulled up to a large gated house. The gate opened and she drove around front parking. Before she could knock on the door Logan opened it up motioning for her to come in.

“Wow, is this your house?” she marveled at the open floor plan. There wasn't much to it in all honesty.  Some furniture, a large TV. A stocked bar area and some framed car art.

“It's better than a box.” he chuckled. They sat on the couch, Ellie getting right down to the professional side of the business she had to attend. Logan having everything she needed ready.

They sat in an awkward silence before Ellie broke it. “Logan, im sorry. I know you're mad at me.”

“I'm not mad at you Ellie. Well, not anymore. I'm upset. I knew you had feelings for him, I knew it when I caught you two together.”

Ellies mind took her back to the night she knew she was in way to deep.

****

“Were gonna get caught Colt.” Ellie giggled as he pressed his body against hers on the couch.  “Nobody is here, everyone went out on a job. and pop is at a meeting. They'll be gone for hours.” his hand slide up to unbutton her jeans. He lifted himself up pulling the jeans down with him, leaving her in just her bra and panties. His lips came down hard on hers as she completely lost herself in the kiss. Her hands frantically pawing at his fully clothed body. “Less. Of. This.” she pulled on his shirt and breathed out between heated kisses. The sides of his lips tugged up into a sinister smirk, she wanted him as bad as he wanted her.

He pulled his shit over his head, tossing it across the room. She stopped for a minute, running her hands down his hard chest, before he stood pulling every last piece of clothing from his body. Ellie propped herself up on her elbow, her eyes widening at the sight of him, suddenly very aware of what she committed herself to. “See something you like?” she bit her lip nodding. In an instant he was on her again. Peppering playful kisses on her neck, down the valley of her breast. His hand reached around, effortlessly unfastening her bra, tossing it aside. His lips found her pink buds, as he flicked his tongue, capturing one in his mouth, before moving onto the next. He placed feather light kisses down her stomach, settling on her hips. Her heartbeat racing in anticipation as his strong hands grasped her thighs spreading them apart. He lowered his head kissing and sucking the inside of her thighs, “I want to taste you Ellie.” the vibration of his voice sending a pleasant jolt to her core. “Yes.” A low growl escaped him as he settled between her legs.

He flattened his tongue swiping it between her slick folds. He let let out an appreciative moan as his tongue swirled around the bundle of nerves. She sucked in a sharp breath as her head flew back against the cushion. he looked up between his lashes watching her chest rise and fall, faster and faster as her moans became louder and louder.  He slipped a two fingers into her wanting center, slowly pumping them in and out. Her back arching at the welcomed intrusion. Her legs began to shake, he knew she was close, he curled his fingers slightly reaching the perfect spot as she came undone, a slew of curses falling from her lips.

Satisfied he pulled back and grinned at her as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He sat up.  Ellie watching him, though lust blown eyes. She climbed onto his lap, her lips crashing against his in a heated kiss. “I want you colt.” she moaned against his lips. “Mmmm,  lay down Ellie.” she shook her head. “No. I want to be the driver.” she grinded her hips against him. He gripped his stiff length, slowly pumping it as she slowly lowered herself down, gasping out at how he filled her.

She allowed herself to adjust a moment before rocking against him. He threw his head back at the sensation, a deep moan escaping him. He lifted his head,  his lust blown eyes boring into her. “You're my driver forever, remember that. Now drive baby.” He gripped her hips guiding her down onto him faster and faster. She bounced hard against him  as she moaned out. “Fuck, yes. colt.”

The sound of his name falling from her lips drove him wild, he bucked frantically against her. his hand slipping down rubbing tight circles against her aching clit. That was all it took for her to come completely undone. She leaned against his chest, nails digging into his strong shoulders as she screamed his name, forcing his own release.

She laid against his chest for a moment, he tracked lazy circles against her bare skin.  “We should probably get dressed.” she sighed standing up. “A sin if i ever heard one, but you're probably right.” they retrieved their clothes, dressing quickly. Colt pulled her against him “You're incredible Ellie.” She his face down, capturing his lips in a sensual kiss. “Let's go get some food. I'm starving.” Colt grabbed his jacket “Only if I get to drive.” She winked, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him again.

“What the fuck is this?” They heard, pulling apart  quickly. Both turning to see Logan standing there. “Do you have a problem pretty boy?” Colt taunted.

“Yeah. I do.  You're fucking making out with my girl.” Logan snapped, shoving Colt.

Colt coming back bumping his chest. “Last I checked she wasn't anyone's girl.”

“Colt! Logan! Stop this.” Her pleas going unanswered.  Colts smug grin setting Logan off as his fist connected with his jaw. Colt lunged forward tackling logan to the ground as the two rolled around exchanging blows.

“Stop it. Stop it guys. Help.” Ellie screamed, finally toby and ximena came running in, followed by Kaneko. “Stop it at once.” He commanded, his booming voice causing both to freeze instantly. Ellie took off running both scrambling to run after her. She climbed up the ladder onto the roof. How did things get so complicated.

********

“Ellie? Ellie?” Logan called out, pulling her back to the present. “Sorry, I was just thinking about something.” she told him about the night of prom, how they were freaked out about the plan and if things went south. How they travelled to vegas on a whim and getting caught up in all the what ifs, they married. She had thought Colt had filed for an annulment after they had a blow up and he left. Only to find out he never did. Logan sat there in silence,  absorbing all of the information.

“Well, I kinda get why you didn't say anything, but. I wish I didn't hear it from Colt.” he sighed.

“I know, im sorry Logan. But as a peace offering, my dad and I are throwing a 4th of July bbq. If you don't have plans we would love for you to come.” Logan smiled as they stood up walking towards the door. “I think I can manage that.” he pulled her in for a hug, she rested her head against his chest, breathing in his scent. “Are we good?” he pulled gently stroked her hair, “were good.”

That Friday the three of them, with Luca walked into the lab. Ellie check in, grabbing clipboards for all to fill out their information. Luca sat in the chair, the smell of the sterile environment making her nervous. “You ok Luca?” Logan lowered his head “I don't like Doctors offices, they give needles.” Her voice a whisper.  “Its ok, you're not going to get a needle.” he gently squeezed her little hand. “You promise?” “I promise. If you want, I will hold your hand if you get scared, ok?” Luca nodded her head, squeezing logans hand.

They waited a few minutes before being ushered into the back. Colt went first, followed by Luca. She hesitated getting in the seat. “Uncle Logie, fan you hold my hand?” Logan smiled at her taking her tiny hand in his large one. She paused a moment turning to Colt. “Colt, can you hold me please?” Ellie swore she felt her heart explode in that moment, as colt sat down in the seat, his arms wrapped around her, Luca leaned back against him while Logan held onto her hand.

The tech informed them the results could take up to 6 weeks as the lab was backed up.

The four of them grabbed dinner and went school shopping with Luca. Colt and Logan refusing to let Ellie pay for a thing.

Ellie spent the next week preparing for the 4th of July cookout. Everyone was coming, she was excited for Luca to meet the old crew. Riya and Darius showed up first. Darius setting up the pack n play in the backyard for Marcus. Frank had been on the grill all morning while Ellie worked on the food inside.  The doorbell rang and Frank came barreling through the house. “I got it. I got it.”

He answered the door and a petite brunette stood there. Frank encouraged the woman inside, walking up to Ellie. Ellie looked at the woman, something about her looked awful familiar. “Ellie, I want you to meet my girlfriend Sally. Sally this is my daughter Ellie.”

“Elliez it is so good to finally meet you.  You're dad talks about you so much.” Ellie giggled “I hope not to much.  It's really nice to meet you Sally.” she continued to stare at the woman, swearing she knew her from somewhere.  “Sally, I don't mean to stare but, Have we met before? I swear you look so familiar.”

“I don't think so hun, not unless you've been to lucky's diner in San Francisco.” Ellie shook her head “Nope, can't say I have. But anyway, come on out. Dads finishing up on the grill, the rest of the guest will be here soon.”

The doorbell rang and in walked Ximena, Toby and Colt. “Colt!” Luca came running into his arms, colt picking her up giving her a hug “Hey squirt.” he sat her down “Grampy got me a pool, come see it.” She grabbed his hand leading him through the house.  “Hey Toby, Hey X.” she noticed toby shifting on both feet. “Go ahead, you can see the pool too.” “thanks ellie.” Ximena shook her head handing her a tray of pretzel salad. “You know he has done nothing but talk about Luca non stop.”

“He has text me and called daily as well.” Ellie watched Luca splash colt, a smile playing on her lips. “How's logan been with it?”

“The same as Colt. She's quite taken with the both of them.” Ximena gave her an understanding squeeze. Logan, Mona and Stacie were the last to arrive. Ellie looked at the two “Did you guys come together?” Logan shook his head. “No, I pulled up and Mona did too, Stacie was walking to the door.”

Logan and colt stayed inside helping frank gather all the food. Ellie sat With Riya on one of the picnic tables. She leaned in close, dropping her voice so only she could hear. “Hey, do you think Darnell could lend me his services, cheap?” Riya looked at her confused “ohh you mean for the custody stuff. I was wondering what you needed a lawyer for.”

“No, I need to file for divorce.” Riya chuckled thinking she was joking,  the serious look on her face told her otherwise. “You're serious? When did you get married? Who did you marry?”

Ellie shushed her “Keep it down. 6 years ago. Colt and i got married in Vegas.” Riyas eyes went wide.

“You Married COLT in vegas?” She shouted, silencing the entire party. “What?” Her dad stood on the deck dropping an entire tin pan of coleslaw. Logan and Colt stood frozen behind him.

Sally came running up “Frank are you ok?” Logans eyes widened, he dropped the tin pan of baked beans onto the deck as well

“Mom?”

Tag: @kennaxval @hopefulmoonobject @crookedslimecreatorpasta @be-still-my-aching-heart @ao719 @speedyoperarascalparty @riseandshinelittleblossom @cocomaxley @bobasheebaby @ownworldresident @cordoniaqueensworld @indiacater @blackcatkita @darley1101

ROD

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