#i'm fighting off the urge to say something about not caring about being cringe etc etc here bc that's already kind of being scared of it.

[insecateur]

Okay, I didn't want this to be in the main body of the art LOL but I wrote a whole lot of words about Pokémon X&Y's 10th anniversary. If you'd like to read them I'll put them under a read more. Whatever you decide to do, thank you for your support always 💗

Wow, can you believe it? It's been ten years.

I see people say these kinds of things a lot when it comes to milestones like this. It's been ten years… I feel so old… I can't believe it's been that long. It feels fake, it feels wrong. All of that.

I've felt like this with a few things, of course. Even a few games I liked in my teens or in my childhood. But I've always kept track of Pokémon X&Y's anniversary, so it's never felt like something that took me by surprise. Year after year, I knew Pokémon X&Y was getting older, just like me. The 3DS was slowly falling behind, then the e-shop closed, and now it's been announced that the online features will be deprecated, too. It's been ten years…

A lot can happen in ten years, you know?

Starting my transition journey has taught me to be kinder to my past self, I think. I'm more at peace with myself. I look at my face in the mirror and it's no longer a stranger staring back. I've found people who love and care for me for who I really am and want to be and not who I was trying to be for the sake of appearances. If I went back to ten years ago, do you think the twenty-year old kid I'd find there would believe that? I'm not sure he would.

In 2013, I was in a rough shape. I think I was in denial about it. I was still carrying wounds I didn't want to look at. I'd put bandages over them and tell myself I'd be okay. It worked, mostly. I was making new friends. I was rebuilding something that was closer to who I wanted to be. My life had been torn apart; it had only been two years. I thought I was stronger than that, that it didn't matter to me anymore, that I'd moved past it. I was wrong, obviously, but it would take way too many years for me to realize it.

Telling it like this now, I feel a bit embarrassed, like I'm making myself out to be worse than I was… I don't want you to picture some tragic mystical figure or anything… I was a kid who'd gotten out of a very bad situation and couldn't entangle everything that had come out of it as a result. I sought out support that I didn't get. I had reached a realization about who I was and nobody in my real life was ready to hear it, as far as I could tell. The world was a very scary place. Twenty-year olds feel so young to me now, but at the time I felt like such a loser for not having my life together. How silly…

I'd been a Pokémon fan since I was seven, back in 1999. I wrote a whole post about it for the 20th anniversary of Pokémon as a whole, but some of it kind of stings now, so I'll give a quick rundown. I got into the series first through the TCG, then the anime, then one of my childhood friends' copy of Pokémon Gold. For reasons I still ignore to this day, my parents wouldn't let me get a GameBoy and only relented when the GBA came out.

Pokémon became one of those things that were in and out of my life, always in the background. I was a fan, but most of my love for it came from how good it was as a sandbox for creative endeavors. I'd make OCs, roleplay with friends, invent stories that featured my own ideas and creations and rarely left any room for existing characters to be involved. I had other series where I cared about the characters a whole lot, like Final Fantasy or The Legend of Zelda or Ace Attorney or even TV shows like House MD or Prison Break, but Pokémon was all about the setting and the creatures, and not much else.

I had a short-lived passion for Eusine in HGSS, and then I had a very bad time playing BW that put me off the games for a little bit. I told myself I'd outgrown it, after all, these things happened, and tried to move on. When the XY games were announced, I was wary, unwilling to pour emotional investment into something that could very well further stain my good memories of a childhood favorite. (I'm being a bit dramatic here, but I was 100% in that mindset back then, unfortunately.) That the games turned out to take place in Pokémon France only made it seem even more as if they were mocking me. I was so needlessly sarcastic and negative about it. (I was twenty, so I'm practicing self-forgiveness, but damn, boy, chill out!!!)

What was it that ended up grabbing me, in the end? I think it was a combination of things. Something about Pokémon X&Y, its characters, its story, its setting, reached me deeper than I expected. I think some of it was timing, some of it was themes, and some of it was the overall vibe at the time. Everyone was playing and discovering the games together; it was the first time main series games were coming out worldwide at the same time. To this day, this is one of the most important aspects of Pokémon X&Y, to me. That feeling of playing it with others even through kilometers and kilometers. Those early fandom memories, especially those spent alongside Japanese fans, are some I still cherish to this day.

I still think the catalyst was beating Team Flare though. Something went on that day. I wouldn't even be able to tell you what. I still remember where I was; I almost remember exactly where I was standing. I beat Team Flare and stopped playing for a week and just marinated in that feeling. For a week.

That's how they get you!! That's how the brainrot set in!!

Anyway… I'm not going to go over everything that happened after that year by year; this isn't an autobiography. It's just a silly post about a game that changed my life. The fact that I got my name change confirmation today of all days feels so pointed, though. Perhaps it's even making me a little emotional.

All throughout this year, I agonized about how I could make something that would perfectly encapsulate all that Pokémon X&Y has given me. It's the ten years anniversary! It's a big milestone! Wouldn't I be betraying my love for the game if I couldn't pull off something incredible? I had many ideas, that all fell to the wayside when I realized how exhausted I was. Which was the answer to my problem all along, I think.

Because the reason I'm exhausted is that I'm making a lot of big changes in my life.

I've met people I love and want to be a better person with. And I've met them through Pokémon X&Y, too! Isn't that a celebration in itself? Building a better future together… That's what Pokémon X&Y was all about, wasn't it? I don't need to prove anything to anyone. I'm making my own beautiful world, right now.

…AND ALSO MY NAME IS LEGALLY SAMUEL LYSANDRE NOW SO THERE'S THAT.

If you read all of this, I hope you have a good day. I'm having a good day right now. That's already a lot! That's already something to be thankful for! Let's keep at it! One day at a time!

🔥🧡 joyeux anniversaire pokémon x&y!!! 🧡🔥