#i'm feeling weepy bc i don't feel good and it's easy to get upset with yourself when you're like that

[tvrningout-a]

hopefully tomorrow is different, but today's just been a bad brain and body day all around. i'm so low energy rn that i wanna weep and lay in one spot asdf i'm trying!! to brainstorm some more lore bc that stuff excites me so much!! but even that feels like a chore, and i guess the point of this post is i love y'all!! and pls take care of yourselves when you don't feel well!! i accomplished some things today -- way more than i should have, considering how i feel rn. but if i hadn't, that would've been okay, and it's okay that i can't motivate myself atm. everyone's going to have bad days, and it's really important that we're kind to ourselves when that happens. pls remember that <3

[urhighnessbitch]

hi eli! I've been feeling really weird about dom/sub stuff recently and I wondered if you could tell me if this kind of thing is normal n expected or not? so I'm a switch with a dom lean, and all the people I've been with thus far were exclusively subs. I'm also a very gentle dom, I get very distressed about the idea of hurting or really degrading my partners, but every time I've asserted that boundary and told them I don't want to do it they've tried to cajole or beg me into it anyway, or acted like I was pathetic for not wanting to. the same thing happens when I'm feeling upset or anxious, either after a session or completely outside of the dynamic - I'm high strung and I tend to feel very vulnerable and weepy when I'm sad but all my partners have insisted on continuing to treat me like a dom even then, when I just want to feel small and cared for. I'm too nervous of neglecting their needs so I usually end up just ignoring how I'm feeling and focussing fully on them so I don't have to endure any more awkwardness because it feels worse having this halfhearted judgemental "it's okay you're still a big strong dom even when you're sad" attempt at comfort, which just.. isn't true for me. is it normal and expected for subs to always treat their doms as infallible and unshakeable? because when I feel that awful I honestly just want to be treated like I'm as weak as I feel, but idk if it's pathetic for me to want that.

So disclaimer before l get into your questions: fuck them, the way they treated you was in no way alright

I'll try to make this into a couple of different parts tho because there's multiple issues - them not accepting your boundaries, them forcing a dynamic on you when you didn't want to have it, and them probably not understanding what being a switch means to you.

I'll go reverse this time and start with them possibly not understanding what being a switch means to you bc that's where a lot of problems can start, from personal experience. For some, switching means they can be either, dom or sub, but they'll only ever be one with any given person and have no interest in switching within that dynamic. They might want to have a different dynamic where they get to explore that other role. For others, being a switch means wanting to shift within a dynamic to account for their current mood. And that works great with other switches or ppl who are open to it! But not always with people who view themselves as one thing exclusively. If someone assumes you to be in category one and you're actually in the second, it's going to get frustrating because your needs aren't being met. I included this in case what they did was a honest miscommunication (although l don't really believe that from the context)

Second and in my eyes much bigger issue is them forcing you into a dynamic when you didn't want to have it. Doms have every right to not be feeling like it, doms have every right to be wanting to be taken care of, they have every right to just want to be treated as human beings. I'm sorry you didn't get to have that when you needed it and instead needed to push your feelings aside. If you should ever find yourself in a situation like that again, telling someone that the way they're trying to comfort you isn't working and letting them know what you need instead can be really good! And if they don't listen to you, it's a very easy way of seeing if someone respects your boundaries or not. The line they used to try and comfort you is kinda common and you see it on tumblr a lot because it tries to go against that picture of the always dominant superhero who never struggles, but l get why it doesn't ring true for you!

Last issue, they did not respect your boundaries, and l probably don't have to explain why that's not alright? They're your boundaries, they're good just the way they are, and if someone doesn't respect that I'd advise against playing with that person.

Now for your actual questions, is it common for subs to treat their doms like that? I wish it wasn't but I've seen it happen and experienced it enough to know that it isn't as rare as I'd hope. If it's any consolation, it's often those who aren't as experienced or knowledgeable that will try to get their dom to meet unattainable goals. I don't think we talk about red flags in subs enough, but what you described are definitely multiple. Doms are not dispensers for dominance, they're human beings with their own set of needs and things get shitty when someone views you as a dom first, person second

Still, it is very very possible to have a dynamic where you can feel seen and respected and safe and human. Even a full on sub should be able to put your dynamic aside and care for you as a human being who's struggling. Once again, I'm sorry your past experiences weren't like that. You def deserve better in the future, and you can def have that if you choose