#i'm constantly telling myself to dont do more than a rough

[dianagj-art]

love it when a joke gets out of hand :)

[fallenrain40]

its sooo difficult to tell if im wolfkin or wolfhearted. same thing with cats. so im gonna break some stuff down here.

wolves: i've always felt a pull towards them. but. once i realized i was a coyote, the pull is simply "omg wolves are just like me fr" BECAUSE im a coyote and coyotes are similar. so it's very difficult to decipher my feelings now. occasionally i feel almost annoyed at the idea of being seen as a wolf instead of a coyote. other times, i feel that i could be both a wolf and coyote at once. and other times, i just feel like i can relate to wolves AS a coyote. it's more like.... i got their vibes. but i don't quiteee identify AS one, at least, not as a true wolf. I like calling myself a wolf in the sense of coyotes being "prairie wolves". and dont get me started on whether i am a werewolfkin or not... currently, i am considering myself wolfhearted, but still werewolfkin. cats: i have way too many cat behaviors to not be one. i hiss. i constantly feel the need to have paws and a rough tongue so i can raise one and lick it. i very often imagine myself with a feline tail, swishing in annoyance when im angry. HOWEVER. unlike with my coyote theriotype, there isn't this constant feeling of species dysphoria. like yeah, being a cat would be WAY BETTER than human, and i often see myself as one, but i don't feel the same desire to be one as i do with coyotes. and I feel even if i was a cat i might still have species dysphoria about being a coyote. for whatever reason, i just have a lot of instinctive cat behaviors 🤷 but also, identifying AS a cat just feels right somedays. cathearted right now, but... i'm very close to accepting im probably just catkin haha. it's just. i don't want it to be seen on the same level as my coyote theriotype. mainly becuase of the dysphoria. being seen as a cat is nice and feels right, but if im not seen as a coyote i will be much more upset.

[namakes]

i dont follow you, just read your tags on the Just Start post (i read lots of tags on every post i see for some reason) i am also teaching myself how to skate, it is so humiliating to be a beginner but no one who sees you is thinking about that. something i tell myself is "well they are not skating" if anyone sees me (if they are, then that's someone you can maybe skate with!).

my "i wish someone told me this" for if you feel so constantly embarrassed while skating is, don't worry about anyyyy tricks for like, 2 weeks at least, until you get really comfortable pushing the board and turning and going in the direction you want to go. once you get comfortable with that you'll probably naturally develop some style and feel more confident :D

also a motivator for me is i'm trying to practice a little every day and when i get discouraged i think to myself "it would be really wild if i practiced consistently and never improved at all." you got this!!

(just combining these asks for ease of answering)(also I totally get it, I am also a serial tag reader lol)

Thanks for the tips! Being a beginner at anything is always rough...

Been trying to tell myself like "okay, even if someone does see you, no one's really looking at you" but alas, I am unfortunately cursed with a lack of confidence and critical self-awareness. Getting better at believing it, though! It does help telling myself like, if anyone does see me they're just going to think like "hey, that person's just learning" and not like "wow look at that loser" lol

For sure! I mostly picked it up 'cause I wanted something that's more portable than like, a bike, but would make getting around faster than walking (and also more fun). I'll likely learn to ollie at some point and see where it goes from there, but I'm def gonna build my confidence with the basics first!

Also that's true lol. Progress is usually slow to start, but eventually we all get better! It can be a little unmotivating (especially with something like skateboarding where you're basically guaranteed to eat it a few times), but the only way to get better is to practice, even if it's only a little bit a day. Videos and reading can only take you so far.

Oh, that's a good idea. I did try that a couple times, but I should really do it more often (esp. with how wet it's been here recently)...

Thanks again for the pointers, and good luck to you too!

[mueritos]

how does one get noticed as an artist? I have multiple platforms for my art like DA, Tumblr, and Ko-Fi, but it feels like everything gets drowned out by the sheer multitude of better artists. which, ya know, is kinda sucky bc my comm slots have been collecting dust for a month (and never mind I'm in a rough financial spot). I'm told my stuff is good, but that's from my small niche of friends, so it just feels obligatory :/

Hmm. This is really difficult to answer considering every social media platform works differently. Algorithms are constantly changing, so it makes it even more difficult to catch on. Posting everyday gets you the most engagement, and even with hundreds or thousands of followers, only half of them will see your posts because you arent posting regularly. ill insert a readmore.

I cant tell you how this all works because I refuse to learn how it works. Ive always just posted whenever I wanted, posted whatever I wanted, and have been doing so for many years. But I have found several things that have gotten me noticed have contributed to my growth. Before that, a really great art youtuber, Kelsey Rodriguez, does a really good job at giving advice regarding growing on social media as an artist and how to the run the business and growth side while managing the art, so Id check those out.

having a larger project, like a comic.

having a comic, and it doesnt have to be a webtoon or published on a comic hosting site, not only forces you to improve in your art by constantly drawing and experimenting, it also gives you something to post regularly. Posting regularly is important, and even if its only once or twice a week, the crucial part is that its consistent. this is more likely to give your followers content to look at, but it can attract people who relate or enjoy your comic, and can help solidify an audience. Ive done two comics so far, and my first one allowed me to understand how to draw them, and my second one allowed me to understand how to have fun with them. Both times I continued to grow an audience who enjoyed not only the comic, but myself and my other art.

fanart (unfortunately)

fanart often gets more views than original art, which is unfortunate because lots of people have awesome ocs and original art that should be noticed. but people like having context and lore to whatever theyre seeing, and if its connected to something they already know, it can bring them more joy than to look at something theyre unfamiliar with. While i dont draw fanart as much as I used to, drawing it regularly (i used to do a lot of anime fanart back in hs), can help build you an audience of people who enjoy the same media as you! it can help boost you even more if you draw fanart for smaller bands, shows, books, etc, because tagging creators or staff who have worked on those media can sometimes get them to like and share the post as well!

other artist interaction

you need to build relationships with other artists. I have to admit this has been difficult with me, but if you have artist friends online who also have an audience, you can all work together to introduce your audience to each others' art. many of my mutuals have similar followers, and this is because we all hype each other up, share each others art, and tell people about each others art. sometimes all it takes is for one mutual to share your art for you to gain an influx of hundreds of followers.

Overall, I want to encourage you to continue drawing. Commissions are not the end all be all of your value; you need to build an audience, build experience, and build consistency before you come to that point where people will commission you. Its a difficult reality, screaming into the void, but once you realize youre not the only one, you start to build connections and community with other artists for support.

I wish u the best of luck!

[chickensarentcheap]

I just wanted to make sure you know that you are appreciated ❤ I saw your post about being tired and I'm sorry that people have been hating on you, you dont deserve that shit. I know we dont really talk on here or anything but I always find myself liking the things you post and you seem like a really nice person. I havent read any of your fiction yet because I still havent seen Extraction (I know, The Shame!!!) and I wanted to be able to appreciate your fics properly.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I think you're awesome and I'm sorry things are shit for you right now. If you ever wanna talk, feel free to hit me up ❤❤❤ also, keep posting great content 👍 (especially if it contains Hemsworth's hot bod 😋🤣)

Heyyyyy!! Thank you so much for reaching out to me. You are always more than welcome to come and chat or send me asks about anything that pops into your head. Anything at all :D

Things have been rough. Mostly in real life. It's been brutal. I've been doing non stop battle with racists in my town, online, everywhere in regards to Native Residential Schools. I'm so tired. I'm constantly fighting and I have to because I'm the only one left to tell my father's experiences in one of those schools. So I keep fighting and I wont' let them silence me. And then there's our shitty government and their treatment of kids with special needs. It's just been non stop fighting in that area for nearly 15 years! UGHHHHHH.

Thank you so much. It means a lot to me that you reached out like this. And oh man, I wont say the exact of screenshots of Tyler Rake I have, but I need an intervention LOL

<3 <3 <3

[daydream-hobii]

Firstly, I want to tell that I love your stories. I read and re-read them on days that are rough. Yesterday was rough. I wasn't able to attend class, cause I spent half of it in tears and the other half trying not to cry. I wrote to you when I felt like an complete bitch to my friend . I'd finally been able to stop my thoughts and just wanted to sleep, but then she was talking with her bf and I snapped at her. I'm just so tired of feeling like shit constantly and just needed some to vent to. - e

And know I feel like shit cause I feel like I’m making a bigger deal out of it, than it is. I feel like I’m worrying people and I don’t wanna do that, but then I think why would anyone worry for me. I mean why would they if I can’t even take care of myself properly. I’m sorry for venting, Im sorry for making you listen. I wanna tell you I’m good that I’m fine Im okay. But I dont wanna lie cause it’ll make me feel even worse. It’s nobodys problem but mine. Thanks for listening plz dont worry. - e

Don’t worry sweetie, I won’t, you sound pretty strong to me. In fact, you sound exactly like me. Judging by how you explained your schooling, you’re in High School….? Correct me if I’m wrong. Rough days happen, trust me I know them well, and you know what? That’s okay. Rough days have to happen in order to have the better days, and the better days give you something to look forward to. Missing class for mental health is totally fine, it’s a sick day. I took a lot of those when I was in High School.

Snapping at your friends during darker days is a normal response, just make sure to apologize and explain to your friend what happened, and what set you off. You’re feelings are important and, even if they may come at the wrong time or maybe you’re feelings aren’t the best for the situation, but they are never wrong, I want you to remember that.

Making a bigger deal out of something is my specialty, I tend to do it all the time, but it rolls back to how we’re feeling. You’re upset, you’re hurt, you’re angry. It’s okay to feel all these things and think it’s a big deal, because it is. Trust me when I say that more people worry about you than you may think. You can’t see it because your mind tries to block it from you, but people do love you. 

Why would you be sorry for venting? Sometimes, people need to vent to others, even if it’s someone like me who you’ve never met. That’s why the internet can be a great thing. I’m glad you felt good enough to vent to me, and I hope my words made you feel a bit better!!

It may seem dark and hopeless now, but life does get better. I hope each and day is a better day than the last!! ^_^

[marias-studyblr]

Hey, i'm not sure why i'm telling you this but im really upset and just need to vent. Today my history teacher pinpointed me infront of the whole class (twice) and, long story short, was very persistent with receiving an answer of some sort which i had no idea about. Everybody was staring at me, some were laughing, i felt my face burning honestly all i wanted to do was to run out of the class. As someone with social anxiety i avoid any form of class speaking anyway, but now i cant stop [1]

[2] replaying the events from earlier today and i just feel shit about myself. Im embarrassed that everyone else probably thinks i lack a lot of intelligence and basic knowledge. It’s hard to think when im asked a specific question infront of everyone,it makes me so nervous and my mind goes blank. To everyone this may seem like i’m overreacting but honestly im so upset and im not sure if its normal to feel this way. I dont know how to get over this feeling it’s horrible. I’m so done with school tbh

Hey! You deserve this rant, please whenever you need, I’m here for you!

So it might not seem like it because I’m pretty open in here, but I do exactly what you described. I was seeing myself in your words.

It used to be way worse in the last years of middle school, and in the first years of high school, it got to the point I didn’t really think for myself and all my interactions were based on what the other person wanted to hear or what I thought they would think of me.

Of course it always backfired, because it’s impossible to please everyone at all times, which left me even more unhappy about myself and lead me to more and more mental and physical problems (nothing too serious!). 

I would constantly overthink about particular situations where I was put on the spot at school and cringed over and over again.

It lead to tricky situations, a rough couple of years while I transitioned through that. A lot of hiding in bathroom stalls. And cringy stuff that only I remember by now.

I took way too seriously what other people talked about me, which gave them power. And those people understood it somehow and used it in the wrong way, which made me feel even worse.

I don’t know why. I have a couple of suspicions from my childhood but nothing that completely justifies why I didn’t know how to stand up for myself like most people did.

Looking back I can see how I was innocent and didn’t really understand how everyone, everyone, the students, the teachers, they also had problems and insecurities in their lives. I thought everyone was always better than me when actually we were all the same even with our differences and I had nothing to worry about.

I’m much better now. I’ve learned how to recognize my self-worth, hold myself as an individual. I’m not afraid to look people in the eye, and most importantly live my life for me and not for others.

But I’m not completely secure though. Just the other day I was thinking about this, trying to figure it out. Nowadays, I think my problems come from the huge respect I have for other people. I do this crazy thing: whenever I’m held responsible to someone I get super committed to doing it in the most perfect way possible because I don’t want to disappoint that person, even if it’s a total stranger. And whenever I feel like I’ve disappointed someone, I feel so bad because I just wanted to do it nicely for them. And I know that’s not a bad thing to do, but it comes to such extremes with me, because I overthink it so much.

For example, last friday I realized I forgot to send an email to the librarian to renew my book before 7pm, and I remembered at 10pm. I sent the email but through the night and the whole weekend I felt horrible about it.

It’s not like the social anxiety that I had before, but it’s still some kind of awkwardness that I don’t want to depend on.

So after this detour, let me get to the point. xD

I think we can both agree that we have to be able to stand up for ourselves and to appear stable even in the most embarrassing of situations, both for self-respect, because you don’t owe anything to anyone, you are allowed to make mistakes and be treated fairly, but also because it’s a good thing to have for your future life, you’ll always need to speak under pressure and you need to stop putting yourself through this anxiety everytime you are.

I also understand this is not something you can simply stop doing because it’s irrational. As soon as the moment starts, you get dragged into it and without noticing it your face looks like a tomato emoji.

However, that doesn’t mean you can’t slowly start making a change in your behavior, including practicing the way you present yourself, your posture, the way you talk, controlling nervous tics, answering while making eye contact with teachers and other people without stuttering.

Body language may seem non-important to you at first glance but it’s ALL that matters in social interactions, and this is what helped me overcome that feeling of pure cringe and embarrassment. I just kept practicing and I still do now. I encourage you to start paying attention to how confident people sit and how you sit, how they talk and how you talk. Truly start studying these things, and this is how I improved, it has made my life so much happier, and the biggest difference in my life quality. Truly.

Now, by NO means I’m saying this is going to solve everything overnight. I’ve improved my anxiety progressively and cringe situations still happen to me, but I find them less damaging over time. To finish up, I’m going to tell you an example of a situation of me practicing:

I’m in class, minding my own business. I pay attention to my posture. I sit with my back straight, hands relaxed, body still. I’m not covering my face or bending down. I pay attention to the class. The teacher asks me a question, I can feel my heart rate immediately going up. I focus first on my breathing (inhale and exhale profoundly) and maintaining my posture and quickly go through those physical checks. Even if I’m blushing, I keep eye contact with the teacher and my voice strong all the way through.

This is harder than it seems if you have social anxiety, but this practice really helped me and got me through so much. I still have a lot to overcome but I’ve gotten so many victories already and I want you to have the same, I know you can.

Here are 2 phenomenal Ted Talks that really helped me learn what I just told you about and I encourage you to watch them from beginning to end:

The surprising secret to speaking with confidence - Caroline Goyder

Your body language may shape who you are - Amy Cuddy

So I know this is already pretty long but I still have some stuff that might help you so I want to give it a try.

Confidence comes from within, so self-reflection is always needed. In order to not go too deep on that right now, because that’s a whole other question in itself, I’m going to give you the one piece of practical advice I always give which is recommending Yoga with Adriene, either doing her yoga videos or her meditation ones, or her challenges. Just to keep that positivity flowing in your veins is so important. And if you don’t have a source in your life, I feel like Adriene could be it.

Goals are really important in being confident too, so keeping a bullet journal, or a journal, a vision board, where you write your feelings, your interests, your dreams, might get you through the bad days and give you confidence when you need it the most. I feel like some days thinking about how grateful I am for my family, my home, myself, etc. really gets me through tough feelings I might be experiencing. 

Always share out loud what you are experiencing with your loved ones, with people you trust. Whenever I have feelings bottling up I force myself to spill them to my loved ones because I know no matter how much it embarrasses me to admit them, it always makes me feel better after they comfort me and make me see something differently, and suddenly the incident sounds a little more beatable.

Last thing I want to touch, and I promise, I promise this is the last thing, is those people in your class making you feel inferior. Don’t you shed a tear for them and I mean it. You are the classy one. You are the strong one. You get to keep your head high and be kind to yourself. If someone isn’t compassionate to you, you don’t owe them anything and you have the right to shut them out of your life. You don’t need to keep thinking about them or talk about them. You just don’t do them. You don’t pay attention to what they’re saying about you… they don’t know you. They. Don’t. Know. You. They don’t matter. That doesn’t mean you get to be rude to them, it just means they’re irrelevant. So. With that being said, I hope you understand you are a beam of light, a fucking rock star and you can get through this, you can overcome this school year, and the next one and the next one.

Find the people in your life who matter, who make you feel good. That’s all that matters. Here’s something interesting I read: “Feel bad for people who have the energy to bring others down. Don’t hate them back, feel for them. They are clearly in pain if that’s where they want to spend their energy.” Like I said they’re irrelevant, but you don’t have to be mean back, don’t get inside their game. Be the classy one and always, always, always focus on yourself, live your life.

I honestly want to keep talking for hours. I hope this was enough for you to kick-start a new way of seeing yourself and starting to become happy with who you are. There are so many obstacles in life but positivity is possible, you just have to keep looking for the things in your life that matter, that make you feel good and don’t give up.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to answer this for you and I hope the advice reaches you. ♡ ♡ ♡ lots of love!

[fallynephemeron]

The best you've had, huh Xave? Any of the following.. I'm interested.. About You 8, 22 (me instead of a follower), 45 Relationships 8, Porn & Sex Ind 26, 27, 30. Sex 6 (humor me an say it again), 14, 30, 34, 38, 53, 82, 91, 102, 106. Fetish 5, 11, 30. This or that 8, 22, 25, 43, 55, 73, 87, 92. Thats all. No offense taken if you dont answer. Its fine. Was just thinkin of you the other day then saw this -M

Xave:  Shit.  didn’t realize you might read that.   uggggg.  You always did know how to make me blush.  It’s true though. I won’t take it back.  Riv says there’s millions of parallel universes… so maybe somewhere out there we ended up together.  I wouldn’t be surprised at all. If I’d found you first things could have ended up a lot different than they are now. I think we both know that.

Alright… mr. curious….. you asked…. so that’s what you’re getting

About You, 8 , 22, 45

 When was your last erection/arousal?

Xave:  Mine?  Uggg. Fuck, this morning. In the shower. No I didn’t do anything about it.  That just makes it worse.  It went away eventually. Daily life is finding ways to distract myself and constantly trying not to get turned on.  

   If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower?

Xave:  specifically you?  My nature and desire say yes…. my wedding vows say no. Sorry love.

 Whats your favorite lingerie outfit?

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/431993789231669578/    something like that.   And no, that doesn’t count as a picture of me. :P  So…. are you into that kind of thing?  or just curious. ;)  cause i don’t think i remember stuff like that ever coming up when we were together.

Relationships 8- What do you look for in a hookup? 

Xave:  in the past?  cause that doesn’t happen any more.  But… since you asked, i’ll tell you what I notice- nice smile, no scary vibes, not completely filthy, or obviously a druggie…. that’s about it.  lol.  I’m a slut with low standards, what can I say?

Porn & Sex Ind 26, 27, 30.

Have you ever tried to recreate a scene?

Xave:  not really? I mean, you can’t help but pick things up here and there. But… There was this one guy I was with a few times that was OBSESSED with porn. He loved acting out the same scenes his favorite porn guys did.  Once or twice was fun, and a change of pace, but it didn’t take long for that to get really old. Like there was no connection there at all. It was kinda weird.

Have you ever used porn to show a partner what you like/want?

Xave:  oh yeah. it’s helpful for sure. Though no one’s ever made a porn vid, at least that I’ve found,  that can quite capture the elegance of making someone come completely undone over a long period of time…. but then… you never seemed to need instructions for that, did you. ;)

Have you considered getting into porn?

Xave: I’ve had experience in the industry. Mostly stills. I was young, underage, and no one cared and no one asked. I don’t have a problem with porn, and it might be fun if I hadn’t been burned in the past.  But I don’t think I could do it without some serious drugs or something to get me through the inevitable flashbacks.  So, no.

Sex 6 (humor me an say it again), 14, 30, 34, 38, 53, 82, 91, 102, 106.

Who was your best sex partner?

Xave:  say it again huh?  lol   Alright.  Mike Lamb is the Best fuck I’ve EVER had.  Happy?  

Do you like dirty talking?

Xave:  If it’s done right yeah for sure… sometimes it just awkward, and WAY too often it sounds cheesy and corny.  Then I get the giggles and ruin the moment.

Where is the strangest or wildest place you’ve had sex/oral?

Xave:  I’ll go with wildest… which I kinda answered for myself when I answered Wyn’s questions…. out in the middle of nowhere in the woods.    Strangest?  too personal to answer in public.  It’s a really bad memory. I might spill if we were having a private conversation.  I always trusted you with that stuff.

Whats your funniest sex experience?

Xave: Halloween, a long time ago. This guy I was screwing  thought it would be HILARIOUS to try to scare me… like during sex.   So we were going at it…. like full on,  he’s on top.  and he’d rigged stuff to fall on me.. like plastic spiders..and a rubber rat,  it was ridiculous. I just laughed. There’s scary shit out there, and plastic spiders and rubber rats don’t even register.   Anyway,  but then like, he’d rigged this scary mask to swoop out over me, after the spiders and stuff fell… but apparently, he’d forgotten about it.  And it didn’t come out when it was supposed to, it got stuck or something… so we like,  were JUST about there.  Like just about to hit climax.  He wasn’t very good anyway…. and this fucking mask, comes swinging over him out of nowhere, and lands right on my face.  He screamed, so high pitched, pulled out, freaking out in hysterics.   Then I got the giggles and he lost his erection. He was SO embarrassed. He wouldn’t answer my texts after that.   I still think it’s hilarious.

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Describe the experience(s).

Xave:  ugggggggg.  yeah. With my husband. He was trying SO hard, and he was completely miserable. This was before he knew he was ace. I faked it… and we were done. I just couldn’t bear to see his face if he knew he’d failed again.  

Which non-genital parts of your body do you like being touched or stimulated? \

Xave:  mmmm, fuck.  nipples. shoulder blades, the backs of my thighs, like that place right under your ass?  

Do you like cum or is it gross?

Xave: mmmm, depends on the pheromones. Some guys just taste gross. That’s all there is to it.  But…. some pheromones … when they match with  yours,  it’s SO good and you just want more.

Do you like to have your ass eaten?

Xave:  not ashamed to admit it.  absolutely yes.

Has anyone ever cum inside you on accident? How did you feel about that?

Xave: If it’s really an accident…. that’s one thing.  I’ve had shitty guys do it on purpose when I hadn’t consented. That fucking pissed me off. A lot.  I didn’t screw around with them ever again, unless I didn’t have a choice,  which has happened in the past.

Do you like to play with balls/have your balls played with? 

Xave:  it’s not really my thing..especially my own, unless, again and always, if it’s done just right. But if I know that’s something my partner really enjoys, I’m into making that a priority for him.

Fetish 5, 11, 30. 

Are there any fetishes you don’t have yet, but may be interested in?

Xave:  mmm, being tied up. No one’s really done that well for me.  Like, everyone that’s tried it has been a sadist, and I really hate sadists.  Not my thing at all.  But sensory deprivation and not being able to move, combined with edging,  that would be amazing.

Do you enjoy long, extended teasing/edging sessions?

Xave:  Fuck you Mike. LOL  you just want to hear me say it.  YES.  you KNOW I do.

Are you an exhibitionist?

Xave:  lol, guilty as charged.  In every sense of the word.  Except when it comes to talking about difficult stuff, then it’s just gotta be secure and private.

This or that 8, 22, 25, 43, 55, 73, 87, 92.

Rough Sex or Intimate Sex

Xave:  BOTH.  like really both. alternating, or at the same time,  in the same session. I love it.

Circumcised or Uncircumcised

Xave:  am i?  I’m cut.  But as for what I prefer?  doesn’t matter, either/or.

Ruined or Complete Orgasm

Xave:  with someone that can pull it off, and then keep going???  Ruined. 100%.  But who the hell knows how to pull that off with such perfection…. oh … I guess I know one guy. ;)

Dirty Talk or Loud Moaning

Xave: Both. Fuck.

Length or Girth

Xave:  Girth

Ball Licking or Rimming

Xave: rimming.

Doggy Style or Missionary

Xave: ugggg, they both have their place,  but if I had to choose just one for the rest of my life,  then, Missionary.

Slow or Fast

Xave:  Both.  but again… if I can only have one, forever, then slow.

Are you happy?  Now I’m horny.  do you KNOW how long 14 days is?

[thunderheadboomboom-blog]

Believe it or not, I've had a lot of people ask me what I'm like as a person.

Well here is a little bit about me. I may keep this post updated, as I will probably find all kinds of stuff I forgot to add. •I personally think I relate to johnny, dally, and pony the most. •I'm like Dallas bc I'm very cold, and I have trouble dealing with emotions and love sometimes. Many people have told me that I don't show enough affection, or that people easily think I hate them because I don't know how to properly express love or friendship. •I'm like Ponyboy bc I seem to either overthink, or not think enough. I'm (kinda) quick witted and love poetry. I read all kinds of books and I too am young and confused. I also relate to Ponyboy because I am a dreamer, I have trouble keeping my head out of the clouds, and I sometimes don't think of outcomes. •I'm like johnny, a lot of time emotionally. I have depression and often struggle with crappy thoughts. I am a dreamer too, and I'm quiet sometimes. I'm kind of introverted, but I'm comfortable around my friends. I have my own problems, and I'm afraid to talk about it because I feel like I would be a burden. I'm scared of a lot of stuff and often flinch when someone raises a hand. •but I have very little bits of Two-Bits jokes and easygoing-ness. I'm a little reckless like Soda, I'm kinda mom-y like Darry, and (barely) cocky like Steve. •I enjoy dramatic books, or realistic fiction, and I really love going outside in the fall time and reading at the park. •I'm a very tough person. I enjoy rough housing and fighting, and I have a very hard exterior and kinda like experiencing pain and bruising. •though I'm all tough and fight, i hate arguing. I can't stand to see people use harsh words to one another bc I know what it's like to be killed with words. •people who know me really well personally know that my mood fluctuates. I'm still rough, I'm still kinda funny-ish, and I'm still quiet, but I can get really loud sometimes. •people who know me from the Internet probably think I'm mega nice or something but that's just bc I DONT WANT TO SCARE UOU AWAY PLS LOVE ME. •I constantly crave love and affection but when I receive it, I don't know how to react or give back without feeling awkward or rude. •I feel as if I'm not loved, my friends treat me like crap (one reason Im rough and have trust issues) • I LOVE TO WRITE AND I STARTED WRITING A BOOK! (except it will probably never be published or go anywhere bc it's like a 1 in a million chance of becoming a famous author) •I play a crap load of instruments. (Guitar,bass,drums,ukulele,violin,saxophone,mandolin, and I sing a lot) •I've been to Japan •I go through brief periods where I see the good in the world and get real happy •then go back to realizing that Earth is screwed. •I'm kind of a jealous person, though I try to push past my envy. •I hate when people brag, but I feel like I brag all the time. •I cry way too much •I'm scared of commitment and 99% sure everyone I know hates me •I keep lists of jokes, or children's names that I like •I hate when people perceive me as young and dumb. I may be young, but I've experienced a lot more than a girl my age normally would. •I have quite a large vocabulary •my best classes are Language/English, Art, and band. •I'm a very modest person. Both physically and mentally. I dont like showing skin or telling people my dreams. •I secretly crave someone I can tell all my dreams and aspirations to, but I know almost everyone will have the same thoughts/shoot me down for them because I'm pretty sure they know everything I want in life is prolly impossible. ~more physical traits about me~ •I have blonde hair that's either really naturally curly, or naturally straight. It just depends on what time I brush my hair. (Not kidding) •I legitimately use hair grease every day because my hair is frizzy and dry-looking. •I'm one of the tallest girls in my class, and I HATE when I see people taller than me. •I have blue eyes that change depending on the day/weather. Super blue on clear days or snowy days, super grey on stormy days or clear days, and super green during spring time and winter, but also tend to be green on rainy days. •I'm a little curvy-ish. •I have high cheekbones and a fairly slim/angular face. •I think my nose looks like a penis •though my hair is naturally very light, my eyebrows are naturally pretty dark. •my style consists mostly of colorful or black jeans, a band shirt, or a shirt with some stupid/ironic meme or quote. I hate free sprites quotes tho. Like things like "young wild and free" or "beYOUtiful" •I play many sports, though sometimes I don't enjoy them because of my coaches or how much time it consumes. •I wear a lanyard with so many buttons and pins on it that they constantly fall off but I love it (I somehow started that trend at my school but it makes me a little mad bc my 'friend' took credit of that style but they wouldn't even know what style is without me) •I have the power to turn ANY AND EVERY situation very very awkward. •I've been told that I'm pretty, but I don't think so at all. •I get such bad anxiety that I make myself physically sick sometimes (never on purpose) I have EXTREME fear of sickness. (Ironic) •I have rbf and I have it bad. (Resting bitch face.) To those of you who had asked a little about me, there you go. This took me a really long time to do, just because I don't really think about my own personal things very often. I hope this wasn't annoying to any of you or anything. Thanks!

[blueberrry-farts]

Sorry I cant be okay, sorry I've been sleeping all the time, sorry I cry more than smile lately, sorry I spend the nights having constant nightmares and horrible sweats, sorry I feel anxiety even just going on the porch or getting out of the car, sorry I cant pick myself up from the floor sometimes, sorry i just stare into space not telling anyone anything, sorry i constantly have to shit because I have irritable bowel syndrome, sorry i get irritated and storm off more than i should, sorry i ignore my friends and not mention that I'm having a rough time to them, sorry i cant be myself around anyone other five people, sorry i often dont do the dishes, laundry, sweeping, cleaning because I'm too depressed to focus myself, sorry I have panic attacks about going to an interview, sorry I dont want to have sex because I'm too depressed to be into it, sorry I let this control me...sorry I cant figure it out faster...but thank you for understanding even when I cant explain it. Thank you for never getting upset with me or thinking im crazy or ridiculous. I love you.